GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

‘NATURAL COMPETITION’ - COMPARISONS OF LAWNMOWERS,CHAINSAWS, VACUUM CLEANERSAND THE VIOLAWhat's the difference between a Viola and a lawnmower? (five answers)1. The neighbours get pissed if you don't return their lawnmower.2. If you show the lawnmower on the Home Shopping Network,you have a chance of selling it.3. You don't pour gasoline ON to the lawnmower.4. You can start and stop the lawnmower.5. The exhaust smells different …What's the difference between a chainsaw and a Viola? (three answers)1. The person holding the chainsaw can more probably read music.2. The law doesn't currently require a DANGER: MAY CAUSEINJURY warning label on a viola.3. You can't fake cutting down a tree …How is a chainsaw like a Viola? (two answers)1. When either is in use, anyone nearby should wear earplugs.2. When being used, they both start out very sharp but don'tstay that way …What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Viola? (two answers)1. A vacuum cleaner has a better chance at blending in a stringquartet …2. A vacuum cleaner has to be plugged in before it sucks …VIOLA & PROSTITUTION JOKESWhat is the difference between a violist and a prostitute? (two answers)1. The prostitute has a better sense of rhythm, and at least knowsall the positions …2. Prostitutes have a useful purpose in life …What is the similarity between a violist and a prostitute?Both are paid to fake climaxes …