GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

• repeat: what a violist does until he is finally expelled.• risoluto: indicates to orchestras that they are to stubbornly maintain the correcttempo no matter what the conductor tries to do.• ritard: there's one in every family, but probably various in a violist’s family.• ritornello: a Verdi opera. .• senza sordino: a term used to remind the viola player that he forgot to put hismute on a few measures/bars back.• stops: something Bach didn't have on his organ, but what comes so naturally toa present-day violist.• string quartet: a good violinist, a bad violinist, an ex-violinist, and someonewho hates violinists, all getting together to complain about the music ofcomposers.• subito piano: indicates an opportunity for the back desks of violas to becomesoloists.• supertonic: the drink of Schweppes for the orchestral interval.• tempo: good choice for ‘ticking over’ speed on a used car.• tenor: 1) two hours before a nooner. 2) A normal viola player’s fee.• time signature: what you need from your managing director or librarian if youforget to get to rehearsal on time.• transposition: the act of moving the relative pitch of a piece of music that is toolow for the violas to a point where it is too high for the sopranos.• transpositions: 1) men who wear dresses. 2) An advanced technique where youchange from viola to violin fingering (or vice-versa) in the middle of a piece• transsectional: a viola who moves to the second violin section (very rare, ofcourse).• tuba: a compound word: originally indicating the speed with which violaplayers can play in ‘two bars’ (therefore the number of notes).• tutti: as applied to viola - a lot of fakers at the same moment.• whole note: what's due to be paid by a violist after failing to pay the mortgagefor a year.• vibrato: a most interesting effect used by violists to hide the fact that they areon the wrong pitch.• virtuoso: a violist with very high morals.