GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

Strong adherence to principles: Stubborn, never tries the requests of theconductors such as using a fast vibrato in an intense passage, ortrying out a passage ‘non-divisi’.Tactful in dealing with concert master (leader): Knows when to keep mouth shut.Takes advantage of every opportunity to progress: Regularly buys drinks for theprincipal cello.Takes pride in work: Conceited.Unlimited potential: Unfortunately will stick with us until retirement.Uses resources well: Delegates everything to the last desk of violas (god help us)Uses time effectively: Clock watcher.Very creative: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except to play correctly the realoriginal written notes.Visionary: Cannot handle a solo sonata although he/she tries, and never tackles aconcerto although dreams of it, or in fact to be truthful any otherproject (however easy) that lasts less than a week.Well organized: Does too much faking of semi-quavers (16 th notes), but looksgood doing it!Will go far: Relative of someone in the orchestral office.Willing to take calculated risks: Doesn't mind attempting to play even as fast asthe second violins!Zealous attitude: Opinionated about the double bass section (the only othersection which our violist might minimally be able to challenge forvirtuosity).