GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

Gets along extremely well with superiors and subordinates alike: A coward.Happy: Paid too much.Hard worker: Usually does it the hard way, frequently avoids playing higher than3rd position; never uses the fourth finger, and rarely the third!Identifies major management problems: Complains a lot about other stringplayers.Indifferent to instruction: Knows more than his section leader.Inspires the cooperation of others: Gets everyone else to do the work.Is unusually loyal: Wanted by no-one else.Is well informed: Knows all office gossip and where all the skeletons are kept.Judgement is usually sound: Lucky.Keen sense of humour: Knows lots of viola jokes, and takes them in good part!Keeps informed on business issues: Subscribes to Playboy and National Enquirer.Listens well: Has no ideas of his own.Maintains a high degree of participation: Comes to rehearsal on time.Maintains professional attitude: A snob; maintains he can actually play the viola!Meticulous in attention to detail: Puts fingering on every note, including theopen strings.Mover and shaker: Favours sitting where he/she thinks without regard to otheropinions on his/her ability.Not a front desk person: Did not go to college.Of great value to the organization: Turns in work on time, and can actually tunethe viola.Uses all available resources: Takes office supplies (pencils, rubbers, etc) home forpersonal use.Quick thinking: Offers plausible excuses for errors.Requires work-value attitudinal readjustment: Lazy and hard-headed, frequentlysitting with body resting on back of chair.Should go far: Please find him/her another job - whatever!.Slightly below average: Stupid.Spends extra hours on the viola: Miserable home life.Stern disciplinarian: A real jerk.Straightforward: Blunt, and absolutely insensitive to ‘subito p’.