GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

C) Viola - MiscellaneousViola Performance evaluation translations …an A – ZPreparatory Note: this writing should be considered absolutely vital for allorchestral offices, conductors, audition panels etc.A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused in the section.Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes to learn a piece.Active socially: Drinks heavily.Alert to company developments: A section gossip.Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds a violinist to do the job.Average: Not too bright.Bridge builder: Likes to compromise, no playing outside range of mp to mf.Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law, able to do outside gigs.Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.Competent: Is still able to get work done even if viola section leader helps.Conscientious and careful: Scared.Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless; always asksthe bar numbers, what position to play in etc.Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying, always asking viola section leaderDelegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well, puts blame on the fifthdesk (unfortunately the Philharmonic orchestra only has 8 violas!).Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear, and fake it!Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades the conductor well.Enjoys job: Needs more to do than a mere viola part.Excels in sustaining concentration but avoids confrontations: Ignores everyone,in his/her little world.Excels in the effective application of skills: Makes a good cup of coffee.Exceptionally well qualified: Has committed no major blunders on stage to date.Expresses self well: Can string two sentences together, or play two lines of musicwith only minimal mistakes.