GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

What instrument do violists envy most?The harp. You only ever have to play pizzicato on open strings …How can a professional violinist best keep his violin from getting stolen?Keep it in a viola case ...Two woodwind-playing friends were out walking, and they passed a cemetery.One looked down at a gravestone and remarked “Look here, here it says – Hererests a great violist, an incredible musician – ”The other friend replied: “Wow, they’ve buried two in the very same grave then” …IF YOU WANT TO CONSIDER GOING FROM THE VIOLIN TO VIOLAWhy do some Violin players double on Viola?So they can get less work, and more free time as they grow older …How can you make a Violin sound more like a Viola? (two anwers)1. Play only on the G string and fake a lot of notes …2. Sit in the back row and just pretend to play …Why do many violinists think they can play viola?They all know violists who think they can play the viola …A violist and a percussionist were walking in a park. The percussionist saw a deadcrow and said to the violist:"Look, there’s a dead crow."The violist looked up, hands on eye-brows, and exclaimed:"Where?" …What's the difference between a heavy rock guitarist and a violist?The heavy rocker sustained brain damage after taking up theInstrument …How do you suitably transcribe a violin piece for viola?An octave lower, but do be sure to divide the metronome marking by 2 …A violist and a 'cellist were standing on a sinking ship. "Help!" cried the 'cellist, "Ican't swim!" "Don't worry," said the violist, "just fake it!" …