GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

* The viola, and other instrumentsHow do you keep your violin from getting stolen?Put it in a viola case.What's the difference between a violin and a viola? (three answers)1) The viola burns longer (especially because it’s generally inside thecase).2) The viola holds more beer.3) Actually they are exactly the same – but of course the viola does lookbigger. But it is only an optical illusion! That is because the violist’shead is smaller !!! …Did you hear about the time the double bassist who, after parking, accidentallylocked his keys in the car?It took two hours to get the viola player out …Why do people tremble with fear when someone comes into a bank carrying aviolin case?They think he's carrying a machine gun and might be about to use it.So why do people tremble even more with fear when someone comes into a bankcarrying a viola case?They think he's carrying a viola and might be about to use it …NASTY FALLSWhen a violist and violinist are pushed simultaneously from a 30-story building,which one hits the pavement first?The violinist, because half-way down the viola player says “Err …where are we now?”Who would you push first from a 30-story building – a violist or a conductor?It doesn’t really matter which one, as long as both of them are indeedpushed …If you a violist and a soprano fall off a cliff, which one would hit the ground first?Oh really, who cares? …If a violist and a flautist fall off a cliff; who hits the ground first?The violist should have hit the ground first, but he missed the leap …