GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

In a symphony orchestra rehearsal the principal conductor looked at a difficultpassage, and decided to hear the viola section alone. The conductor, a man withgreat aural perception, then said “I’m sorry, you, yes you, the 7 th viola, that F istoo sharp”. The violist responded:“But yesterday, I played it more or less the same, and it was alright!” …Did you hear about the principal violist who bragged that he could play demisemi-quavers/32ndnotes?The rest of the orchestra didn't believe him, so he eventually proved thepoint by playing one.After his retirement the violist arrived home carrying his viola case. His wife sawthe case and asked "What's that?"(Especially in Germany it is a standing joke that some players leave theirinstruments in their lockers, removing them only for rehearsals andperformances.)Did you hear about the violist who played so out of tune even the rest of the violasection could tell? (No, just kidding. That is very, very unlikely to happen) …A conductor gave out orders:“We’re going to take it from seven bars before letter A”.“But we haven’t got rehearsal letters in the score” said the concert master/leader.“Oh dear, how do we find it then?” replied the conductor.“It’s easy”, said the principal viola – “it’s exactly seven bars after where we aregoing to start from” …How do orchestral viola players traditionally greet each other, after a time goesby without them meeting up?"Hi. I played that last year" …What do you call ten viola players at the bottom of the ocean?- A good start …A female viola player was walking back-stage in large boots, when an annoyedsound technician says “I suppose you don’t know THE RULES OF MOVEMENT inrecordings?”“Well, no, but if you hum the first line maybe I could pick it up by ear” shereplied!