GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

*The Orchestral WorldNote: Due to the fact that in the orchestral world, more than in any othersituation, serious musicians have to ‘bear’ and ‘put up with’ viola players, perhapsin this section one can find the most inventive and amusing kaleidoscope of allthe Viola tales offered in this Grand Encyclopedia …What's the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section? (twoanswers)1. Not usually more than a couple of beats …2. Roughly half a tone …Why do symphony orchestras use so many Violas?To make the bottom end of the office staff feel superior …How do get a Viola section to play softer?Give them the music …How do you get a viola section to play a ritenuto?Ask them to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.Why are orchestral concert intermissions only 15 or 20 minutes long? (twoanswers)1. So the violists won't forget where the stage is …2. So the violists don't need to be retrained …How do you get a violist in the orchestra to play tremolo ?Mark the passage ‘solo’ …How do you get a violist in the orchestra to play a flying staccato ?Find a whole note or half-note/breve or semi-breve and then mark it: "upbow, solo" …