GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

* Comments by the Public / for the Public"Why is it that whenever I hear a piece of string music I don't like, it's always forthe viola?""A viola recital is the kind of music that starts at six o'clock and after it has beengoing an hour and a half, you look at your watch and it says 6:10""Her playing reminds me of a cart coming downhill with the brake on""Viola Sonatas are better than they sound”"God tells me how the music should sound, but you stand in the way" (to a violaplayer)During the second half of a viola solo recital, a youngish man was snoringsomewhat loudly in the public. The lady alongside him gave a firm ‘nudge’ andtold him:“Please don’t snore so loudly – you’re going to wake up the whole hall!” …An awful viola player was giving a recital for a local music club, and theperformance went on and on. In fact, an hour and ten minutes passed by withoutarriving at an interval. A drunk man in the public picked up a bottle and threw itat him. Unfortunately, it totally missed the violist and hit the music clubchairman on the head. The chairman was momentarily knocked out, but as soonas he came round he could be heard to say“Hit me again – I can still hear him” … !Even worse, at the beginning of a recital by a Viola Octet, the local organizerbriefly introduced the event, and then innocently said:“For the benefit of the players, here are the names of the public” ! …A drunken man came onstage during a viola recital, and said to the performer:“That’s the most boring recital I’ve heard in all my life”. The lady concertorganizer came over from the back of the hall to the rescue, removed the drunkfrom the platform as fast as she could, and went back to the artist.“I’m so sorry” she said – “We’ve had it before - when he’s drunk he just repeatswhat everyone else says” …