GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

REAL-LIFE REHEARSALS AS SOLOIST WITH ORCHESTRAA viola soloist was attending the first rehearsal of his forthcoming concertoappearance. “OK, let’s take the first movement through” called the conductor.When they got to the end the conductor gently said to the orchestral members“please have your pencils to hand – right, letter A – the viola entrance – mark‘meno mosso’; next bar ‘un poco accelerando’, next bar between 2 nd and 3 rd beatsput in a long pause; next bar ‘molto rubato’ at beginning of bar, next bar pleaseignore ‘cantabile’ marking and write in ‘pesante’ ”. The viola soloist, by nowquite nervous, interrupted “but … please, please maestro, I’m playing it all frommemory, I’m never going to remember all this!”. “No of course, don’t worry,dear chap, you just play it as you NORMALLY do” …Towards the end of the first movement of a viola concerto, the viola soloiststopped – and turned the page over all in his own good time. “You can’t stop likethat” said the conductor, “the performance is tonight, and you’ll just ruin theflow of the music”. “But I don’t know it from memory” replied the soloist. Afterarranging a beautiful young page-turner, it got to the performer. When it got tothis very place, the pretty young girl turned the page – but unfortunately thesoloist stopped playing just to tell her “Thank you so much, dear” …