GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

A man rang up the wife of his friend, Jack, a world famous viola soloist whopracticed hour upon hour to get to where he was in the music world.“How’s Jack?” he asked her.“I don’t know” came the reply. ‘I haven’t spoken to him for three days”.“Has he been away then?”“No. I didn’t like to interrupt.”VIOLA RECITALSWhat's the last thing a violist does before walking on stage for his/herperformance ?Looks for the instrument …What's the latest crime wave in New York City?Drive-by viola recitals …A viola player was talking to a friend:“Did you hear my last viola recital?”After a moment came the reply: “That’s what I hope” …A viola soloist found he was playing to smaller and smaller houses as the yearspassed by. It got so bad that one day there was not public at all – not a singleperson. Rather depressed, he went to the psychiatrist for advice. Thepsychiatrist, a well-meaning kindly man, said innocently “Have you tried writingto the Pope and ask him for an audience?” …Did you hear about the new international viola competition in Glasgow – andrather more to the point, do you know what it’s been called?Scratch lottery …A cocky violist said to a pianist friend:“I can play the Minute-Waltz in 25 seconds”“That’s impossible – no one plays it in less than 50 seconds”“Ah, but I’ve found a short cut!” …