GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

A guy walks into the doctor's office and says:"Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him aprescription for a mild laxative and tells him:"If it doesn't work, let me know."A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!"The doctor says: "Hmm, guess you need something stronger" and prescribes amore powerful laxative. Still another week later the poor guy is back:"Doc, STILL nothing!" The doctor, worried, says:"We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what'sgoing on. What do you do for a living?""I'm a musician – a professional viola player”The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's €10.00. Go get something toeat!” … .A violist went to the doctor:“Look, I’ve cut my finger on the left-hand”.“Let’s see … aha … that’s almost nothing” replies the doctor.“Please, please, give it attention – I’m a viola player, and I’ve got an importantrecital in two weeks time”“No, really, don’t worry, in a few days time it’ll be fine”“Ah, you mean to say that I’ll be able to play fine afterwards?”“Yes, of course”“Phew, what a relief – before I played lousy”Two men are walking late at night in the street, and the conversation goes:“What does your wife say when you arrive so late at home?”“No, it’s that I’m … I’m a viola player”“Ah, I understand … ”Two violists speaking –“OK, you call me tomorrow afternoon about the rehearsal …”“I can’t. The mobile isn’t working”“Ah well, don’t worry – I’ll call you” … !A conversation between a violinist and a violist – the violist said:“Here’s the 100 euros for those viola strings you bought me”“Wow, and I didn’t even remember that”“Eh? Well, why didn’t you tell me that before?” … !