GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

What's the least-used sentence in the English language?"Isn't that the viola player's Porsche?" …PIZZA TIMEHow does a professional viola player make his car faster?Take the Dominos' Pizza sign off the roof …How do you get rid of a viola player at your front door?Pay for the pizza …What does a Viola player say when he gets to his deputizing gig?"Would you like fries with that, sir?" …VIOLIST AT THE DOCTOR JOKESA violist complains to the doctor of a stomach upset. He’s given the prescriptionand looks at it as he walks down the corridor. Then says to the receptionist:“I don’t understand it – a little stomach upset, and it says written down here‘Prohibited to play the viola in six months’. But I just can’t do that – I have towork for a living”. The receptionist replies:“Ah, are you not the guy who lives across the street – look, right there on thesixth floor”“Well yes …”“It’s that … the doctor has just moved to the seventh floor” …A violist goes to the doctor and says:“All my body hurts – look, here (points/touches the cheek and says ‘aaargh’!),here (neck, and ‘aaargh’ etc.), here (chest), here (top of legs), here (back) …”“Give me your hand one second please – ah, yes, I see it – you’ve simply brokenyour first finger!” …A viola player goes to the doctor and says: “I am obsessed, doctor”“Poor chap” replies the doctor – “with what?”“With the future, doctor”. The doctor continues: “Aha, and … when did thisstart?” The violist thinks, then replies: “From next week” …