GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

*New Jobs SectionReading between the lines Reference for a Violist:To whom it may concern:1 Bob Smith, my assistant viola, can always be found2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without3 wasting orchestral time talking to colleagues. Bob never4 thinks twice about assisting fellow musicians, and always5 finishes learning repertoire on time. Often he takes extended6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be10 classed as an fine employee, the type which cannot be11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be12 promoted to principal viola, and that the proposal will be13 executed as soon as possibleAppendix:Dear Sirs,That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the letter sent to youearlier today. I didn’t like to tell him the bitter truth to his face, so … kindly rereadagain, this time reading only the odd numbered lines for a more correctreference.B.G. Jones – Orchestral ManagerSmallville Symphony OrchestraA violist went for a conservatoire job audition-interview. He played lousy, butthere was no-one else applying. So the panel tried to help him. They said:“Never mind your playing, your profile interests us. Look here, on your CV itsays that although you are English you can speak German, Italian and Polish. Isthat right?”“Yes, it is” replied the violist.“OK, we’ll give you an easy question to see if you can come here to work – howdo you say ‘yes’ in German?”“Oui” replied the violist.“But that’s French” exclaimed the chairman of the panel.“Ah, well … well … make a note of French too” replied the viola player!