GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

AIR STORIES:Faulty PlaneA plane – a big Boeing - carrying an Iceland orchestra was taking off fromReykjavik in the beautiful northern summer sunset, and the chamber orchestrawas due to start their tour in Stockholm next day. But not even only two minutesafter take-off the pilot announced “We’ve had a flock of birds pass in front of us;we’ve lost one of the four engines”. Twenty minutes later he said “We’ve got atechnical failure – a second engine has blown”. Another hour goes by, and theplane flied into an electrical storm. “I’m very sorry” he said once more – “a thirdengine has been damaged. But don’t worry, these planes are tough, and thereshould be no problem. Anyway, it’s only an hour to Stockholm now”. At whichthe sub-principal viola perked “I jolly well hope that the fourth engine doesn’tblow, or we’ll be up here all night, and we’ll lose the rehearsal scheduledtomorrow morning”! …No SmokingJust after take-off, in the very same plane full of these viola players who weregoing to the international viola congress in Zurich the pilot announcedseriously:“Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in thelavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.”A Beautiful ViolistIn a plane bound for a viola congress in Zurich, the flight attendant approacheda violist in the first-class section and requested that she move to economy sinceshe did not have a first-class ticket. The violist replied, "I'm a great violist, I'mbeautiful, and I'm going to Zurich, so I'm not moving."Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot tospeak with her. He went to talk with the woman, asking her to please move outof the first-class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm a great violist, I'mbeautiful, and I'm going to Zurich, so I'm not moving."The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do.The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde viola player, and I know how tohandle this."He went to the first-class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. Sheimmediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself,"Why didn't anyone just say so?"Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked exactly what he said to herthat finally persuaded her to move from her seat. He said, "I told her the firstclasssection wasn't going to Zurich."