GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

*Going to WorkTwo viola players were going to a date, and they realized that they were late.Worse still, they were told to stop by police on what seemed a routine check.Getting really nervous, one said “look give him €20 and see if we pass”. Sureenough it worked, and they were waved on. But another 75 metres and …another control! “Give him €20 and let’s see if we can move on”. Again it seemedto work. But … another 75 metres and yet another police control. “I haven’t gotany more money, stop Paul”. The policeman asked the driver to wind down thewindow and said:“If you give me €50 I’ll show you how to leave the roundabout” … !!(Roundabout in US = circle)Air how long – just a minute sirA viola player was on a plane from London to Dublin. Shortly after take-off, anddespite the air stewardess getting uptight with other passenger problems, heinsisted on pulling her attention and asked her:“How long is the flight?”She, dealing with three passengers at the same time, replied:“Just a minute sir”… “Ah, thank you very much” … !A pianist, arriving at a small city to give a recital, gets lost. But he sees a musicianwith a viola case, so he seemed the obvious person to ask:“Please, there, can you tell me where I am? – I’ve got to get to the Town Hall”Back came the answer: “Yes, you’re in your car” … !A violist was walking in the street, and asked directions:“How do I get to the National Auditorium, please?”The answer came quick:“Practise, son, practise” …On the contrary, a violist was walking in the street, viola case strapped overshoulder, when a lady approaches him:“Do you know where the High Street is, please?”The viola player replies:“Any idiot knows that”. Surprised, she quickly comes up with:“Exactly, that’s why I decided to ask you!” …And ... Leaving WorkA violist got pretty badly drunk after an orchestral concert.In the street he said to a lady passing by:“Could you tell me where the opposite pavement is?“There – on the other side!”“Now, now, you’re pulling my leg, aren’t you?”“Why would I do that” she asked.“Because I’ve just come from there, and someone told me it was here!” …