GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

DISHING OUT THE PUNISHMENT"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at thedefendant."You have, Your Honour," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son regularviola lessons last winter""Ah, yes," recalled the judge -"Twenty years!" …The following joke only works well in Spanish:Un violinista y un violista se encuentran – el violista empieza:“José, he comprado un metrónomo, bastante caro por cierto”“¿Sí, pues … qué marca?”“El pulso” … !GLASSESA short-sighted, bespectacled viola student, decided to see his professor in animportant recital. His teacher had already indicated that he might learn quite abit technically, so to concentrate. He was taking a drink in the theatre bar beforeentering, and to his surprise saw a notice at the exit of the bar which read“Glasses are not allowed into the auditorium”. So he took off his specs and had amost miserable evening!A few student friends were busking in the metro (underground) in London, andthey were getting tired. The violinist turned to his viola friend and said:“Right Paul, why don’t you finish on a high note – give the public the MotoPerpetuo of Paganini?!”“Are you mad” replied the violist “my Jubilee line train comes in twenty minutes”… !A violist saw her son crying in the bed one morning, and comforted him:“But, Johnny, you’ve got to go to school, you know, to be prepared to fight in life,be prepared, be intelligent …”“But” he sobbed “I don’t want to be intelligent, I just want to be like you” … !