GRAND ENCYCLOPEDIA OF VIOLA JOKES - Johnstone-music.com

MELODIC INTERVALS AND TUNINGWhat's the definition of a minor second?Two viola pupils playing in unison …Or even worseWhat is a chord?Three violists playing in unison ...What do you call two viola students trying to play in unison?Counterpoint …How long does a viola generally stay in tune?3 or 4 weeks - or until someone starts to play it; whichever comesfirst …What's the most common tuning system utilized by viola students in Westernmusic?Badly-tempered …“Dad, will you buy me a new viola for Christmas?”“Absolutely no way. Just think of the noise it makes”“Don’t worry, I’ll only play it when you’re sleeping” … !THE BOX OFFICEA viola student goes to hear a recital of his teacher. He buys the ticket, and thengoes to the entry door. He returns to the ticket office, buys another ticket, andgoes off once more to the entrance. This process happens some four or five times,until the lady in the box office says:“Why do you keep coming back to me?” The violist replies seriously:“I’m just about to go inside, when a nasty man comes over to me and tears myticket into two” …HOW IS MY DETACHÉ?Paul, a viola student, goes for his weekly class. He starts to play, but his teacher(probably a violinist!) pulls him up.“OK, we’re going to present the important first note just right – do play it again”.The viola student plays – {beeeeeeeep].“No, this note should be much shorter than that – try again”.The student plays it {bip}. “No, no, not that short! Again …”.{beeeeeep]. “Too long!” {biip} “No, for damn’s sake, far too short!”.{beeeep}. “No, it’s marginally better, but still a long way off”.The viola student loses a bit of patience, and responds:“Well, I don’t know about it being long and short, but at least is the WIDTHacceptable?” …