The Healthy Management of Reality - Stanford University

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years. As I trace back my thinking on religion, I believe that it kept on expandingto encompass more and more possibilities. Interestingly, I believe the core valuesthat attracted me to a religious life in the first place were at work in thismetamorphosis. As I came in contact with more and more people who were notCatholic, it became harder and harder to maintain the belief that they would beconsigned to hell for all eternity. That thought clashed with my understanding ofGod as a being of infinite goodness. So, I began to believe that, as long as one wasChristian, and tried to lead a good life, one could be saved, by the grace of God.But then I became aware of the multitudes of people who are devout believers, butnon-Christian. So, I began to consider the possibility that it was having a religionthat was important, and that as long as one was faithful to one's religious beliefs,one could lead a truly good life. Then, as I entered college, I became familiar withpeople who were openly agnostic or atheists, but whose values appeared to me tobe exemplary. And the need to belong to a specific religion or even to an explicitlyspiritual lifestyle to lead a good life became questionable.As it turned out, this gradual stretching of the concept of a good life or ofbeing a good person has been immensely helpful in my role as a professor and apsychologist. My students and my patients come from a wide variety ofbackgrounds. I am now able to ally myself with those parts of their conception ofgood that I can perceive, and support and strengthen them. I have come to believethat all human beings have a built in tendency to seek that which is good. Not allof us use this tendency well: none of us abide by it perfectly, some of us ignore itmost of the time, and a few actually seem to work against it. But it is never out ofour reach. Thus, the potential to ally with it is always present. The question ishow to actualize that potential.I find Brother Lawrence's metaphor particular helpful. For him, it wasHMOR.July2005.Muñoz.doc 98
important to practice the presence of his God. I feel I cannot teach others topractice the presence of a particular God or other religious concept. I do not knowhow to pick one among all the ones I have become acquainted with, much lessthose I have not yet learned about. But I can call forth each person's tendency toseek the good. I can activate my own tendency to do so. And I can purposefullyattempt to join the two (or the many) and use the joint energy generated by thisconscious effort to increase movement in a healthy direction.I can point out that the good is not only a concept. It has a reality that can befelt. We know when we have been in the presence of someone who was acting outof good motives, and when we have been devalued or manipulated with maliciousintent. Is there any doubt that the former is preferable? We know that we wouldmuch rather live in a reality in which others acted out of noble motives, rather thanout of meanness or pettiness. We know that our actions can contribute to either ofthese realities. And one way to increase the probabilities that we will help build agood reality is to practice the presence of good.Practicing the presence of good begins with setting up cues within both one'sinternal reality and external reality that help focus our attention on the reality ofgoodness itself. For example, before or during an interaction with someone, wecan ask ourselves how to make this interaction produce goodness for both of us.The internal reminder to focus on how our conversation can lead to a good end willusually translate into external actions (facial expressions, hand gestures, tone ofvoice) which will actually make the interaction more constructive on our part.Most of the time, the other person will respond to the tone we set: if we arebelligerent, we will stimulate belligerence, fear, or disdain; if we are friendly andnonthreatening, most of the time we will be treated similarly. The result will be agreater feeling of working together and a greater likelihood of obtaining more ofHMOR.July2005.Muñoz.doc 99
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The HealthyManagementof RealityRica
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The Healthy Management of RealityCo
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Preface: The Origins of This BookEv
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serious depression. The course was
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Introduction: Sculpting RealityIn m
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The people of the Andes found thems
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Chapter 1On Managing RealityThe uni
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To continue with the example: If ou
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But, given that we are finite and l
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The objective environment refers to
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Throughout the book, we will addres
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Chapter 2Choosing a Direction"If yo
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Choosing a direction for one's life
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Few Christians would support the re
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The "healthy" aspect of "the health
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It appears, then, that there is a r
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Once one becomes aware of oneself a
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are what I mean by necessary suffer
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unnecessary and can be prevented.Th
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the things that cause human sufferi
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past that we remember (that is our
Page 48 and 49: The objective past had not changed,
Page 50 and 51: The fact is that five years hence,
Page 52 and 53: - The meanings we have accepted or
Page 54 and 55: Molding the past of our childrenThe
Page 56 and 57: - The child's core beliefs. Though
Page 58 and 59: your favorite book afterwards") the
Page 60 and 61: making sure that one's daily realit
Page 62 and 63: Change can move us toward a healthi
Page 64 and 65: Similarly, behaving in an exemplary
Page 66 and 67: Similarly, it is true that certain
Page 68 and 69: Learning which thoughts and actions
Page 70 and 71: do what you wish. If you are able,
Page 72 and 73: Tips on increasing the probability
Page 74 and 75: influence on us on one side and tho
Page 76 and 77: Being your own coach involves decid
Page 78 and 79: Beliefs and ConsequencesThe third l
Page 80 and 81: Aaron Beck, a psychiatrist who deve
Page 82 and 83: We Are Meaning-MakersThe fourth lev
Page 84 and 85: Closing the Loop: The four levels a
Page 86 and 87: To manage our reality optimally, we
Page 88 and 89: If you are feeling down or depresse
Page 90 and 91: PeopleThe social environment is at
Page 92 and 93: stimulation just as they need their
Page 94 and 95: In Chapter 2, I talked about choosi
Page 96 and 97: As we enter the twenty-first centur
Page 100 and 101: what we both want.If we have a stro
Page 102 and 103: we will have progressed in terms of
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