The Healthy Management of Reality - Stanford University

Being Your Own CoachThe second level at which one can mold one’s internal reality is the level ofself-instructions, that is how one talks to, or gives advice to oneself. Wesometimes refer to this as “being your own coach.”One of the reasons coaches are helpful is that they can give us guidance aswe are trying to learn a skill. A coach can give us an objective perspective. Acoach can keep us on task. A coach can give us emotional support when we arefeeling discouraged. A coach can help us achieve our highest level ofperformance.The basic idea of this level is to provide yourself with the help a coach cangive you. This consists of consciously activating a skill that we all have but thatwe are often not aware of using. This is the skill of giving ourselves directions toincrease the chances we will reach our goal. Small children can often be heardgiving themselves directions, often by repeating what their parents say to them.For example, a toddler might approach a delicate vase, reach out his hand, and thensay, “No, don’t touch.” Or she might come near the stove and say “No! Hot!”After a while, these self-directions are no longer said aloud. They becomeinternalized. They are used only in the child’s internal, or mental, world. But evenadults use them again when they are doing something new. For example, whengetting to a new place, you might notice yourself saying: “Three blocks past thesignal light, then a right, the third door on the left, four stories up, and the thirdsuite on the left.” Talking to yourself can actually be helpful at times.HMOR.July2005.Muñoz.doc 75