The Healthy Management of Reality - Stanford University

Each day that is molded into a shape approximating one’s ideal is atremendous payoff, of course. And these payoffs can occur immediately: being ina frenzy of anxiety and doubt, and being able to not only reduce the level ofanxiety, but actually achieve a feeling of peacefulness and calm is extremelyrewarding.A colleague of mine shared the following insight with me: as she beginsspecially busy days, she reminds herself that whether she feels frantic, or whethershe feels calm, she still has to hurry from one meeting to another, and handle thesame demands on her. However, her day goes much better, and she can actuallyenjoy it more, if she goes through it with a calm inner feeling. So, why not chooseto do so?Can one actually just “choose to do so”? In my experience, the answer isoften “Yes!” In many situations, noticing how you are feeling, and deciding tocreate another feeling, can actually make a difference. If nothing else, it candecrease the feeling of being overwhelmed, which is not a trivial result. Creatinganother feeling usually involves taking a different mental perspective, that is,molding your internal reality. Doing so often can produce a real difference in yourexternal reality, as well as in your emotional state.Here is an example: imagine finding yourself in the middle of a particularlynasty interaction with a service person. You are about to blow a gasket fromfrustration. Now try the following: switch your attention from the anger at theperson to the interaction itself. Analyze what is happening. Consider thepossibility that the other person may be having a particularly bad day, or is worriedabout a family problem, or is insufficiently trained to handle what you need. Nomatter how angry and demanding you become, the person is not going to be able toHMOR.July2005.Muñoz.doc 69