The Healthy Management of Reality - Stanford University

contact as desirable: a source of warmth, excitement, and security. As childrengrow and are able to choose with whom and how to interact, the key lessons arehow to pick playmates and friends who build them up instead of tearing themdown, how to elicit positive reactions from others, and how to prevent or reduce toa minimum negative reactions. At times when negative interactions areunavoidable, it is important to teach them how to reduce the effect of suchinteractions, and how not to attribute negative feelings entirely to themselves: thereare individuals who are vexations to anyone's spirit. Our social reality is one of themost important parts of our personal reality. Learning to appreciate it and activelybuild it so it is a source of strength for us is a major task in managing reality.- Learning to be rewarded by life. Adults are the primary source of rewardin young children's lives. The amount of positives they shower on the childrenthey care for will determine for these children their first impression of how goodlife can be. As the children mature, they can begin to reward themselves, at leastmentally. They can begin to appreciate their accomplishments, the expression ofcertain traits, their ability to get through tough times, or to find enjoyable pastimes.For individuals to learn to manage their personal reality, it is crucial that they learnto reward themselves. Two aspects of the reward process are important: the totalamount of reward received, and the kinds of activities that are rewarded. Theformer determines how rewarding life is. To retain zest in life, it must have at leasta minimum level of reinforcement. If such reinforcement does not arrive naturally,it is important for the individual to arrange it. On the other hand, reinforcementhas an impact on behavior, and if we want to use this fact, it is important to learn toreinforce oneself for those aspects of one's behavior that one wants to strengthen,and to avoid reinforcing oneself for those aspects that one wants to reduce. Thehealthy management of reality, in terms of rewards or reinforcements, involvesHMOR.July2005.Muñoz.doc 59