The Healthy Management of Reality - Stanford University

Molding the past of our childrenThe effect of our parents on our lives is dramatic. Although our parentscannot determine how we will lead our lives, the things our parents do and do notdo, the things they say, and the way they think, all influence our view of reality,and the way we lead our lives at the time and in the future. Given that childrentake a while to realize that they can mold themselves, for a large part of their lives,they are dependent on their parents to mold their reality. Thus, as they look backon their past, what they will see is, to a great extent, up to us.Aspects of internal reality that will affect them include:- Thoughts they learn from you. Just as they learn language from you, thephrases you use to describe their world will be learned. The amount of value ordisdain reflected in those words and phrases will be incorporated in their mentalimages representing their world. Therefore, the words themselves, as well as theattitude behind them, begin to build the internal world that they will carry aroundfor most of their life. Give them the type of foundation which will serve themwell, and which will not have to be reconstructed in order for them to live happylives.- How they give themselves directions. Psychologists have found that smallchildren often talk to themselves (using phrases they have been told) when they arealone and want to control themselves. So, for example, a toddler might say "No!Don't touch!" when reaching toward a delicate vase or "Hot!" when approachingthe stove. This is a way in which they incorporate rules about how to behave andhow to make their way in a very complex world. Knowing this, it is important toconsider what kind of rules to convey to them. For example, prohibitions andHMOR.July2005.Muñoz.doc 54