The Healthy Management of Reality - Stanford University

The objective past had not changed, of course. But she now could rememberit from a different vantage point. And she could access those aspects of the pastthat linked her with her son in a way that was much healthier for her, and morefruitful for their ongoing relationship. For even after we lose someone, we doretain a connection to him or her, even if only in our minds. And the nature of thatconnection, of that relationship in the realm of our internal world, has an influenceon how we feel about ourselves, and how we relate to others. In this patient's case,I surmise that her ability to be emotionally available to her younger children hadbeen impaired by the severe trauma she had undergone. I imagine that fears aboutlosing another child may have made it hard for her to truly bond with them.Changing the past she remembered might have had a major impact on shaping hercurrent reality as an individual and as a mother.Since then, I have been more alert to how the way we remember past eventsaffects our current stance toward the world. And I am much more likely toremember that our memories are not carved in stone. They are malleable to someextent, and it is often worthwhile to test how malleable they are.HMOR.July2005.Muñoz.doc 48