The Healthy Management of Reality - Stanford University

suffering to her life. So the total amount of suffering for person (A) is 200, and forperson (B) it is 100 points. Person (A) suffers twice as much, even though both ofthem have the same objective physical condition.Similar examples can be imagined in terms of such common situations asindividuals wanting to have a relationship and not being able to find someone withwhom to share their lives. Again, let’s say person (A) is single and would like todevelop a romantic relationship. So would person (B). Both of them aredisappointed that they have not found someone with whom to share their lives.Let’s say their disappointment causes a hundred points of suffering, because of nothaving something that they wish for. In addition, person (A) focuses on thoughtsabout his not being sufficiently attractive, of having bad luck, and of the limits thatbeing alone places on him. Person (B) on the other hand thinks about the freedomthat he has because of not being in a relationship, and the fact that he can do somethings which he would not be able to do or will not be able to do once he does finda relationship. He also thinks about the possibility of never finding someone withwhom to share his life in a romantic sense and develops images of himself as asingle person throughout his life. These images include fulfilling types ofexperiences, perhaps travel, perhaps dedicating himself to a cause to which he candevote a lot of time, reading, and learning skills that bring pleasure to him. Thetotal amount of suffering for person (A) includes both the suffering due to beingsingle person while wanting to be part of a couple plus the suffering of labelinghimself as being unattractive and limited by his situation. The amount of sufferingfor person (B) includes only the first part. The point, again, is that the total amountof human suffering is the sum of the suffering that is unavoidable plus thesuffering that we add ourselves by the way that we perceive our lot and the limitsthat we place on ourselves because of these perceptions. The latter part isHMOR.July2005.Muñoz.doc 39