When one is applying for a job, each application, eachinterview, and, yes, even each time one is not <strong>of</strong>fered a position,is a step in the direction <strong>of</strong> being employed, <strong>of</strong> being able tosupport oneself and one's loved ones, and <strong>of</strong> being able to becreative and to contribute to one's community.When one wants to be a writer, each idea for a story, eachdraft, each submission, and yes, each rejection slip, is a step inthe direction <strong>of</strong> being an author.When one wants to build a life-long relationship, each friendlyglance, each "hello," each conversation, each date, each act <strong>of</strong>affection, and yes, each time things do not work out, is a step inthe direction <strong>of</strong> becoming a couple. Once one becomes acouple, the goal has not been accomplished. Each day, eachinteraction, each act <strong>of</strong> kindness or rudeness becomes a steptoward or away from the direction <strong>of</strong> becoming and remaininga happy couple.HMOR.July2005.Muñoz.doc 24
Choosing a direction for one's life would seem to be relativelystraightforward. <strong>The</strong>re are certain things we all need to live, such as air, water,food, and shelter, and things which are related to better health, such as physicalsafety, caring companionship, dignified work, and a sense that one's life hasmeaning.However, if one examines the way we and others lead our lives, we rapidlynotice that human beings do many things which not only do not seem to have muchto do with our basic needs, but which actually get in the way <strong>of</strong> our achievingthem. Much human suffering can be traced to human actions: the leading cause <strong>of</strong>the death in the United States is tobacco use, the second is diet and activity levels,and the third is alcohol. In each <strong>of</strong> these cases, long-term self-damage is a majoraspect <strong>of</strong> the picture. But self-damage is also present in terms <strong>of</strong> actively causeddeath. Most people are surprised by the fact that, in the United States, most deathsdirectly caused by human beings are suicides, not homicides. But <strong>of</strong> course, theinjuries and deaths caused by murder or by armed conflict throughout the world arealso horrifically high. <strong>The</strong> increasing levels <strong>of</strong> divorce show us that building alasting relationship is at least problematic. Even if, at a theoretical level, one doesnot see a problem in adults changing mates as <strong>of</strong>ten as they like, it is hard to ignorethe trauma involved when relationships end in both each member <strong>of</strong> the couple andany children involved. And since not all couples with problems divorce, we canwell imagine that the level <strong>of</strong> everyday pain or at least discomfort in homesthroughout our communities is probably substantial.If we can agree on what we need, what is good for us, why are so many <strong>of</strong> usfinding it hard to move in that direction?HMOR.July2005.Muñoz.doc 25
- Page 1 and 2: The HealthyManagementof RealityRica
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- Page 9 and 10: Introduction: Sculpting RealityIn m
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- Page 46 and 47: past that we remember (that is our
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influence on us on one side and tho
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Being your own coach involves decid
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Beliefs and ConsequencesThe third l
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Aaron Beck, a psychiatrist who deve
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We Are Meaning-MakersThe fourth lev
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Closing the Loop: The four levels a
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To manage our reality optimally, we
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If you are feeling down or depresse
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PeopleThe social environment is at
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stimulation just as they need their
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In Chapter 2, I talked about choosi
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As we enter the twenty-first centur
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years. As I trace back my thinking
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what we both want.If we have a stro
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we will have progressed in terms of
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