Someone has died suddenly - St Christopher's Hospice

Someone has died suddenlySt Christopher’s Candle ProjectChildren, young people and loss

privately before the funeral. It can be helpful forchildren to do this, if they are prepared and giventhe choice about it. Someone they know and trustshould talk to them before they go about whatto expect, and be there with them all the time.If they decide they don’t want to view the body,even at the last moment, that is OK.The funeral is a chance to say goodbye along withother people who cared for that person. There is aleaflet in this series, Children and funerals, whichcovers some of the questions you might have.Feeling really mixed upSometimes after a sudden death adults andchildren who cared about that person feel itmight have been their fault, or that they shouldhave been able to stop what happened. In mostcases nothing that was done or said would havechanged things, and talking to a trusted personcan help you see this more clearly. It helps to sharehow you feel, even if it doesn’t make the feelingsgo away.When someone dies suddenly people oftenfeel that someone must be to blame, and you oryour child may get very angry as well as sad. Thedeath can feel very unfair and any unexpecteddeath brings many unwanted changes. There is alot more for everyone in the family to do, and it

Going to familiar places and doing the sameactivities as before the death can help to makeyou all feel safe, so that you can start to thinkabout and make sense of all the changes.What’s next?There may be difficult things to face, especially ifthe sudden death meant that there has to be aninquest or a court case. The dates for these maycut right through your grief, reminding all of youof the death and bringing the feelings back. It isimportant to plan how to cope in advance and askfor some support.Wanting to get on with lifeChildren and young people need to be able toforget about their grief at times and get on withdoing the things they enjoy. This doesn’t meanthat they have forgotten the person who has died,they just need to take some time out, and theymay need your reassurance about this.Here are some ideas to helpPhysical activities can help. Exercise such asswimming, running, sport and even walking are allways that use up energy and help you and yourchild to feel better.

Eat well. Bereavement is hard on you physicallyand emotionally, and you all need to eat thingsthat will keep you healthy, even if it is hard tothink about that at times.Try to rest even if you find that your sleeppattern is affected. Most people find their sleeppattern changes after a death, and it can be aproblem if you feel very tired all the time. Childrenneed a regular bedtime routine, they need to resteven if they don’t go off to sleep straight away.Remember that it will get better in time.Do things together as a family or with yourfriends. You are all going through the sameexperience even if it feels a bit different foreveryone, and it is important to keep talking toeach other and sharing the activities you are usedto doing together.Give yourself and your family time to adjust.Don’t be too hard on yourselves if it takes a longwhile to get back to an ordinary life. This is normalafter a sudden death.

About the Candle Projectwww.stchristophers.org.ukThe Candle Project offers one to one and groupcounselling for any child or young person in SouthEast London experiencing loss through death,training advice and consultancy for local schoolsand other professional agencies, and an adviceservice for parents and carers.Other places to get helpChildhood Bereavement Networkwww.childhoodbereavementnetwork.org.ukLots of information and a directory of servicesproviding support for bereaved children.Winston’ s Wishwww.winstonswish.org.ukPractical support and guidance for families,professionals and anyone concerned about agrieving child.Crusewww.crusebereavementcare.org.ukCruse provides a telephone helpline and face toface support from trained volunteers.

Other leaflets in this seriesCandle Children, young people and lossCandle How to help your bereaved childCandle Children and funeralsCandle Helping bereaved young peopleSt Christopher’s Candle ProjectChildren, young people and lossSt Christopher’s Hospice51-59 Lawrie Park Road, London SE26 6DZTelephone 020 8768 4500 Fax 020 8659 8680www.stchristophers.org.ukSt Christopher’s Hospice is registered charity 210667© St Christopher’s Hospice September 2011