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How can I help my friend?Seeing a friend in a violent relationship is painful. You mightwant to help but not know what to say or do. You might beafraid of getting involved in someone else’s problem. Or maybeyou haven’t seen the violence or abuse, and the person yourfriend is dating seems so nice that you wonder how much of thestory to believe.If you’re worried, say something. If you’re concernedabout your friend’s safety, mention it. Peoplewho are being hurt in a relationship often feelthey can’t talk to anyone. They may be ashamed.They may think the abuse is their fault. They maythink they deserve it. Let your friend know thatyou’re there, you’re willing to listen, and you’renot going to judge. If your friend isn’t ready toadmit there is a problem, don’t give up. By beingsupportive and letting your friend know someoneis willing to listen, you’re making it easier to startdealing with the problem.Listen, support, believe. If a friend asks for yourhelp, take it seriously. Believe what your friendtells you, not the gossip you might hear in thehallway. Your friend is trusting you with very personaland painful information—be a true friendand don’t spread gossip. Give support by makingit clear your friend doesn’t deserve to be abused inany way. Recognize that, as abusive as the personyour friend is dating might be, your friend mightfind it difficult to leave the relationship, particularlyif your friend believes it will make the violenceworse.Call in reinforcements. Your friend might tell youabout a violent relationship only if you promiseto keep it a secret. Violence and abuse are notproblems to be kept secret. Whether your friendis ready to get help or not, find an adult you cantalk to. Take your friend along if you can. Youcan tell the adult that you don’t want to break apromise to keep a secret, but don’t carry this burdenall by yourself.love doesn’t have to hurt teens