If you are the one getting hurtIf a person who claims to love you alsothreatens, intimidates, or injures you, thatperson has some wrong ideas about loveand isn’t worth your time. If you can’t lovesomeone without also feeling afraid of himor her, you’re better off getting out of thatrelationship.Assault is a crime.If you are afraid thatsomeone you’re goingout with may hurt youbadly or if he or shealready has, don’t hesitateto call the police.In many states, teenswho have been threatenedor harmed can getthe same restrainingorders and other protectionsas adults.The most importantthing you can do istake care of yourself.As serious as the situationmay seem, thereare always alternativesto having a relationshipwith someone whohurts you. Demand tobe treated with respect.You’re worth it!Make sure you’re safe.Even if you haven’tdecided yet whether toleave the relationship,you can decide to besafe. Take some time tothink about ways youcan take yourself out ofa dangerous situationthe next time it occurs.For example, you canscreen your phone calls,see your boyfriendor girlfriend only in apublic place with otherpeople around, or finda friend to stay with ifyou need to. Thinkingthrough a plan of actioncan help you feelmore in control of asituation so you cantake the next step.Get support.One of the most commonforms of relationshipviolence isisolation—keeping youfrom spending timewith your friends. Ifsomeone you’re goingout with controls yourfree time, you start tofeel like you have nowhereelse to turn. Youaren’t as likely to hearthe support of friendswho want you to leavethe relationship. Thisis the time you needthat support most. Talkto a friend, a teacher, acounselor, anyone whowill support you as youstand up for yourself.Knowing that you don’thave to rely on yourselfcan give you the courageyou need to breakfree. If the first personyou talk to doesn’t giveyou the support youneed, try someone else.Don’t give up!Demand respect.Point out the waysyou’ve been hurt physically,sexually, and emotionallyto the personyou’re going out with.Say that it’s a big dealto you and that youwant it to stop. Now.This can be a hard stepfor many reasons. Theperson may deny theabuse, get furious andthreaten to hurt you,your family, or himselfor herself if you tryto leave the relationshipor tell anyone elseabout the problem. Orthe person may get reallysweet and remorseful,crying and promisingnever to hurt youagain, only to return tothe same old patternslater. Encourage theperson you’re dating tofind help dealing withanger. Face fact though:Most people won’tmake that change, evenif they really love you.You can’t change them.And as much as youmight want to help theperson you care aboutget over their abusivebehavior, you have tothink of yourself first.Find help.Just because this is yourrelationship doesn’tmean you should tryto solve the problemon your own. A boyfriendor girlfriend whois hurting you alreadydoesn’t respect you inthe way you deserve.Talk to an adult—ateacher, counselor,coach, or friend—whowill stick with you. Askingfor help isn’t a signof weakness. It’s aboutgetting the support youdeserve and makingsure your boyfriend orgirlfriend gets the message:Abuse is serious,and you deserve better.love doesn’t have to hurt teens
If you are the one doing the hurtingFor your own sake and for the sake of the person you love, gethelp! The problem of hurting people when you’re angry or frustratedor jealous is not going away on its own. Even if you honestlythink you’re sometimes justified in your actions, you need totalk over this behavior with someone who can give you some newideas about how to handle your feelings.Drinking alcohol orusing drugs doesnot make you hurtsomeone. It can haveunpredictable effects,though, and can changethe way you view situations.You can neveruse drugs and alcoholas an excuse forabusive behavior. Youshould make it a reasonto get help forsubstance abuse.Nobody is ever justifiedin hurting someoneelse to get theirway. You’re not goingto get what you’relooking for—love, respect,kindness, affection,a happy time withsomeone who loves andtrusts you unless youlearn how to deal withyour frustrations in away that is not hurtfulto others.You’re not a bad person—justsomeonewho needs help tostop a bad behavior.You can learn newways to deal with youranger, to fight fair, tocommunicate, and togive and get love inrelationships. Don’tlet shame or fear stopyou—talk to a parent,teacher, religious leader,doctor, nurse, psychologist,or guidancecounselor today.love doesn’t have to hurt teens
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