February 2012 • - Nightwire Magazine

Blush-Nightwire_FEB:Layout 1 1/23/12 4:24 PM Page 1AdultDVDEmpire.comPresentsAdultFilmSuperstar:An easy walkfrom theConventionCenter,Stadiums& HotelsRachel StarrFEBRUARY 17-18COUPLE’S NIGHT:February 14 & 29AMATEUR NIGHT:February 22MissExoticDancerJuly2011:Lacey RainFEBRUARY 21-25OPEN 7 DAYSAWEEKMon-Sat:Noon-2amSunday:3pm-2amyou tell me what’s going on here with this digging?” “Well,we’re union, and we work for the state,” one of the men said.“But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You’renot accomplishing anything. Aren’t you wasting the county’smoney?” “You don’t understand, mister,” one of the men said,leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. “Normally, there’sthree of us--me, Freddie, and Tom. I dig the hole, Freddieplaces in the tree, and Tom here puts the dirt back. Union saysthat just because Freddie’s out sick, that don’t mean that Tom& me shouldn’t work!”Working in 2012:The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it tohis chair before he dropped exhausted. His sympathetic wifewas right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word.“My, you look tired,” she said. “You must have had a hard daytoday. What happened to make you so exhausted?” “It wasterrible,” her husband said. “The computer broke down and allof us had to do our own thinking.”Actual Quantas Airline MaintenanceComplaints:Quantas pilots fill out a form called a “gripe sheet”, whichtells Mechanics about problems with the aircraft. Mechanicscorrect the problems, document their repairs on the form andthen pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight...Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted byQuantas pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded bythe maintenance engineers (marked with an M). By the way,Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.M: Almost replaced left inside main tire._________________________________________P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft._________________________________________P: Something loose in cockpit.M: Something tightened in cockpit._________________________________________P: Dead bugs on windshield.M: Live bugs on back-order._________________________________________P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet perminute descent.M: Cannot reproduce problem on ground._________________________________________P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.M: Evidence removed._________________________________________P: DME volume unbelievably loud.M: DME volume set to more believable level._________________________________________135 9th St. • Downtown Pittsburgh412-281-7703www.blushexotic.comP: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.M: That’s what they’re for._________________________________________P: IFF inoperative.M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode._________________________________________P: Suspected crack in windshield.M: Suspect you’re right.36 • February 2012