Dwa Fanm - Hot Peach Pages

Produced by Dwa Fanm. P.O. Box 23505. Brooklyn, NY 11215. 718-230-4027. F: 718-230-3194. www.dwafan.orgSIGNS TO LOOK FOR IN A BATTERING PERSONALITYMany women are interested in ways that they can predict whether they are about to become involved with someonewho will be physically abusive. Usually battering occurs between a man and a woman. Below are a list ofbehaviours that are seen in people who beat their girlfriends or wives; the last four signs listed are battering, butmany women don't realize this is the beginning of physical abuse. If the person has several of the other behaviours(say three or more) there is a strong potential for physical violence -the more signs a person has, the more likely theperson is a batterer. In some cases, a batterer may have only a couple of behaviours that the woman can recognize,but they are very exaggerated (e.g., will try to explain his/her behaviour as signs of his love and concern, and awoman may be flattered at first. As time goes on, the behaviours become more severe and serve to dominate andcontrol the woman.1. JEALOUSY: At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will always say that jealousy is a sign or love;jealousy has nothing to do with love, it's a sign or possessiveness and lack or trust. He will question thewoman about who she talks to, accuse her of flirting, or be jealous of time she spends with family, friends orchildren. As the jealousy progresses, he may call her frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly. Hemay refuse to let her work for fear she'll meet someone else, or even do strange behaviours such as checkingher car mileage or asking friends to watch her.2. CONTROLlNG BEHAVIOUR: At the first, the batterer will say this behaviour is because he is concernedfor the Woman's safety, her need to use her time well, or her need to make good decisions. He will be angryif the woman is late coming back from the store or an appointment, he will question her closely about whereshe went, who she talked to. As this behaviour gets worst he may not let the woman make personal decisionsabout the house, her clothing, going to church; he may keep all the money or even make her ask permissionto leave the house or room.3. QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Many battered women dated or knew their abuser for less than six monthsbefore they were married, engaged, or living together. He comes on like a whirlwind, claiming “you're theonly person I could ever talk to”- I've never felt loved like this by anyone”. He will pressure the woman tocommit to the relationship in such a way that later a woman may feel very guilty or that she's letting himdown if she wants to slow down involvement or break off.4. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Abusive people will expect their partner to meet all their needs; Heexpects the woman to be the perfect wife, mother, lover, friend. He will say things like “if you love me, I'mall you need -you're all I need”. She is supposed to take care of everything for him emotionally and in thehome.5. ISOLATION: The abusive person tries to cut the person off from all resources. If she has men friends, she'sa "whore," if she has women friends, she's a lesbian, if she's close to family, she's "tied to the apron strings."He accuses people who are the woman's support of "causing trouble," he may want to live in the countrywithout a phone, he may not let her use a car (or have one that is reliable), or he may try to keep the womanfrom working or going to school.6. PAST BATTERING: This person may say he has hit women in the past, but they made him do it. Thewoman may hear from relatives or ex-spouses/girlfriends that the person is abusive. A batterer will beat anywoman they're with if the woman is with him long enough for the violence to begin; situationalcircumstances do not make a person an abusive personality.7. THREATS OF VIOLENCE: This could include any threat of physical force meant to control woman:“I’ll slap your mouth off, I'll kill you, I'll break your neck. Most people do not threaten their males, but abatterer will try to excuse threats by saying “everybody talks like that”.8. BREAKING OR STRIKING OBJECTS: This behaviour is used as a punishment (breaking lovedpossessions), but is mostly used to terrorize the woman into submission. The abuser may beat on the table3