BIOGRAPHY OF SWAMI VIVEKANANDA

understand God and His ways. And one day he gained this understanding. Ithappened in the following way:He had been out since morning in a soaking rain in search of employment,having had neither food nor rest for the whole day. That evening he sat down onthe porch of a house by the roadside, exhausted. He was in a daze. Thoughtsbegan to flit before his mind, which he could not control. Suddenly he had astrange vision, which lasted almost the whole night. He felt that veil after veilwas removed from before his soul, and he understood the reconciliation of God'sjustice with His mercy. He came to know — but he never told how — that miserycould exist in the creation of a compassionate God without impairing Hissovereign power or touching man's real self. He understood the meaning of it alland was at peace. Just before daybreak, refreshed both in body and in mind, hereturned home.This revelation profoundly impressed Narendranath. He became indifferent topeople's opinion and was convinced that he was not born to lead an ordinaryworldly life, enjoying the love of a wife and children and physical luxuries. Herecalled how the several proposals of marriage made by his relatives had come tonothing, and he ascribed all this to God's will. The peace and freedom of themonastic life cast a spell upon him. He determined to renounce the world, andset a date for this act. Then, coming to learn that Sri Ramakrishna would visitCalcutta that very day, he was happy to think that he could embrace the life of awandering monk with his guru's blessings.When they met, the Master persuaded his disciple to accompany him toDakshineswar. As they arrived in his room, Sri Ramakrishna went into anecstatic mood and sang a song, while tears bathed his eyes. The words of thesong clearly indicated that the Master knew of the disciple's secret wish. Whenother devotees asked him about the cause of his grief, Sri Ramakrishna said,'Oh, never mind, it is something between me and Naren, and nobody else'sbusiness.' At night he called Naren to his side and said with great feeling: 'Iknow you are born for Mother's work. I also know that you will be a monk. Butstay in the world as long as I live, for my sake at least.' He wept again.Soon after, Naren procured a temporary job, which was sufficient to provide ahand-to-mouth living for the family.One day Narendra asked himself why, since Kali, the Divine Mother listened toSri Ramakrishna prayers, should not the Master pray to Her to relieve hispoverty. When he told Sri Ramakrishna about this idea, the latter inquired whyhe did not pray himself to Kali, adding that Narendranath suffered because hedid not acknowledge Kali as the Sovereign Mistress of the universe.