Freud_Burlingham_1943_War_and_Children_k_text

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only one main punishment for anybody whooffends them, i.e. that this person should goaway and not return, which in childishlanguage means that he should die.In everydaylife at home these emotions are naturaland necessary; they create small outbursts andsettle down again. The father or mother whohave been wished dead atone moment are re-Oninstated in the child's affections in the next.the other hand, it is probably these violentnegative feelings of the child which determineits reaction to separation at this period. Thenegative feelings towards the parents are meantto be only transitory. Under the influence ofdaily contact they are held in check and neutralisedby the affection for the parents whichis constantly produced in answer to all thesatisfactions which the child receives.It does not seem so very dangerous to killa parent in phantasy if at the same timeoutward evidence shows that this same parentis alive and. well. But separation seems to bean intolerable confirmation of all these negativefeelings. Father and mother are nowreally gone. The child is frightened by theirabsence and suspects that their desertion maybe another punishment or even the consequenceof its own bad wishes. To overcomethis guilt it overstresses all the love which ithas ever felt for its parents. This turns the58
naturalpain of separation into an intense longingwhich is hard to bear. In theses moods ofhomesickness children are usually particularlygood. Commands and prohibitions which theyformerly opposed at home are now religiouslyobserved in the absence of the parents. Whatevermight be interpreted as implied criticismof the parents is violently resented. Theysearch their thoughts for past wrongs aboutwhich they might feel guilty.Patrick, three and one half years old, whenhe heard that his mother had gone tothe hospitalwith a bad leg began to remember a timewhen he had kicked her, and began to wonderwhether her illness was his fault.Visits or lack of them is understood as rewardsand punishments. We had several littlegirls of three and four who would "hangaround" the doors for hours when their motherswere expected to come. But the visits at thesetimes never brought the desired satisfaction.When the mothers were present the childrenwould be gloomy, shy, and hang onto themwithout talking; when the mothers left againthe affection broke through and violent sceneswere produced. The children acted as if theycould only feel love towards the absent mother;towards the present mother resentment wasuppermost.Again, the reactions towards the father do59
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•?mm
Page 7:
WAR AND CHILDREN
Page 10 and 11:
COPYRIGHT 194Jy»- ruALL RIGHTS RES
Page 13: The Foster Parents' Plan for War Ch
Page 16 and 17: of children has, therefore, little
Page 18 and 19: The Nurseries, further, give lodgin
Page 20 and 21: the significance of air raids. They
Page 22 and 23: The understanding of catastrophes,
Page 24 and 25: confused in her mind with the more
Page 26 and 27: gether in a play-pen will bite each
Page 28 and 29: fact that the destruction raging in
Page 30 and 31: them as far as they can understand
Page 32 and 33: fear in this manner and return, app
Page 34 and 35: they knew about its wickedness. It
Page 36 and 37: from danger and put them in surroun
Page 38 and 39: her mother's lack of fearnot develo
Page 40 and 41: dren. We have four examples, where
Page 42 and 43: urged to adapt themselves to a high
Page 44 and 45: oth qualities in the eyes of its ow
Page 46 and 47: misfits.They have in their position
Page 48 and 49: certainly more than the average ine
Page 50 and 51: Development of the Mother-Relations
Page 52 and 53: mother also at times when there is
Page 54 and 55: other people in the world besides i
Page 56 and 57: pleasure and avoid pain and discomf
Page 58 and 59: ooms, the position of the beds and
Page 60 and 61: Both sexes in this manner have thei
Page 64 and 65: not develop on quite the same lines
Page 66 and 67: the present. New ties are form Ther
Page 68 and 69: fine or even make a mental picture
Page 70 and 71: urn Road after their houses had bee
Page 72 and 73: i./?being used as bombs. Playing tr
Page 74 and 75: their pets, which they probably wou
Page 76 and 77: finite way of demonstrating the sce
Page 78 and 79: and narcissistic at the beginning o
Page 80 and 81: caused by neglect; it can, on the o
Page 82 and 83: tion of aggression due to the examp
Page 84 and 85: ig or small that loss may be, the f
Page 86 and 87: The second case, Sylvia, three and
Page 88 and 89: the destruction which goes on aroun
Page 90 and 91: with the mother which contains all
Page 92 and 93: esidential homes these should be si
Page 95: The previous part of the book isbas
Page 98 and 99: AllayingFearEven children whose mot
Page 100 and 101: their children. They appreciate eve
Page 102 and 103: street next to the one in which she
Page 104 and 105: This same state of affairs continue
Page 106 and 107: went upstairs or downstairs,Patrick
Page 108 and 109: Blitz in September and October 1940
Page 110 and 111: ing underneath, tried to drop a hea
Page 112 and 113:
more than a year her junior.Her lat
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whether this was the way in which s
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ditions was too short to make up fo
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or abnormal outcome seems to be the
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somehow included in it and soon bec
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een re-opened,excited much comment
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with an absent love object. We say
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PARENTS AND CHILDRENJune-July 1941S
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older children three and four years
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denied admission but he waited outs
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In addition to the story, he said h
Page 134 and 135:
1which used to belong to his parent
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porch leading down to terraced lawn
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Peter, whom he had brought from hom
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for them was no shock of any kind.
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and a half years of his life and th
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the children have not been informed
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some patient and careful work tomot
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withheld from the child and that th
Page 150 and 151:
months thi9 was the period I was in
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of our own. This training scheme is
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COOKINGSEWINGTwo courses of two-hou
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tensive Christmas leave. Brenda, se
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mother's relationship remains more
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Ronny, seven years old, who takes v
Page 162 and 163:
The step taken was the subdivision
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to them, reappeared as often as she
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April—July 1942CONFLICTING ATTITU
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y the doubt and worry whether she h
Page 170 and 171:
But even with the best intentions t
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weekly and only a few less often. T
Page 174 and 175:
The same feelings can also be expre
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Her unconscious wish against the ba
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ditions of normal family life. When
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up all precautions, which means tha
Page 182 and 183:
—"Do you remember the first night
Page 184 and 185:
When asked why he worried about thi
Page 186 and 187:
She says: "Teacher says there are a
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away." Which means at this moment h
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parents. All these services were si
Page 192 and 193:
I have seen other nursery schools d
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The mother relationship of the smal
Page 200 and 201:
«MW fee Aarje, keek ms! be krwefc!
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