Freud_Burlingham_1943_War_and_Children_k_text

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Both sexes in this manner have their firstexperience in being in love. As a result ofcircumstances it is inevitable that this first loveis disappointing. In comparison with the rivalparent the child feels itself to be small, ineffectiveand inferior. It experiences feelingsof anger towards one parent, jealousy towardsthe other, and feels generally discontented thatits fantastic wishes to be big can find no realfulfillment.It acts as a second disturbing factor that theparents use the love which children feel forthem to educate the children. The early upbringingof children is not at all an easyundertaking.Children are born as little savages; whenthey enter school at the age of five they areexpected to be more or less civilised humanbeings. This means that the first years of lifeare completely filled with the struggle betweenthe demands of the parents and the instinctivewishes of the child. Already in the first twoyears weaning has been carried out against thedesire of the child and habit training has beenenforced. The child's hunger and greed havehad to adapt themselves to regular meal times.In this new period the parents criticise andrestrict the child's aggression and itswishes todestroy things. They not only train it to cleanliness,they want it to dislike dirt as much as56
they do. When it is naturally cruel, they wantit to feel pity. Its first sexual impulses areinterfered with when it tries to satisfy itselfon the its own body; it certainly finds no satisfactionwhen it turns towards its parents. Thecuriosity of the child isand itsleft largely unsatisfied,natural desire to be admired is criticisedas a wish to "show off." In this first educationof the child, the parents do not usually applycompulsion; they simply make use of the dependenceof the child and of its love for fatherand mother. The child is quite helpless in thehands of the parents; therefore, even a slightpunishment will frighten it into obedience.The parents' love is all-important to the child;therefore it is used as a reward when the childis "good" and its withdrawal is threatenedwhen the child is "naughty." In this unequalbattle nothing is left to the child in the end butto give in and become civilised.These two factors, disappointment in earlylove and the pressure of education, threaten tospoil the pleasantness of the relations betweenchild and parent. Whenever the child is deniedsome pleasure it becomes resentful, whenit is too much restricted it turns obstinate.When it is punished it hates the parents; butit can never stand hating father or motherwithout feeling the strongest guilt about itChildren are quick in their anger and know57
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WAR AND CHILDREN
Page 10 and 11: COPYRIGHT 194Jy»- ruALL RIGHTS RES
Page 13: The Foster Parents' Plan for War Ch
Page 16 and 17: of children has, therefore, little
Page 18 and 19: The Nurseries, further, give lodgin
Page 20 and 21: the significance of air raids. They
Page 22 and 23: The understanding of catastrophes,
Page 24 and 25: confused in her mind with the more
Page 26 and 27: gether in a play-pen will bite each
Page 28 and 29: fact that the destruction raging in
Page 30 and 31: them as far as they can understand
Page 32 and 33: fear in this manner and return, app
Page 34 and 35: they knew about its wickedness. It
Page 36 and 37: from danger and put them in surroun
Page 38 and 39: her mother's lack of fearnot develo
Page 40 and 41: dren. We have four examples, where
Page 42 and 43: urged to adapt themselves to a high
Page 44 and 45: oth qualities in the eyes of its ow
Page 46 and 47: misfits.They have in their position
Page 48 and 49: certainly more than the average ine
Page 50 and 51: Development of the Mother-Relations
Page 52 and 53: mother also at times when there is
Page 54 and 55: other people in the world besides i
Page 56 and 57: pleasure and avoid pain and discomf
Page 58 and 59: ooms, the position of the beds and
Page 62 and 63: only one main punishment for anybod
Page 64 and 65: not develop on quite the same lines
Page 66 and 67: the present. New ties are form Ther
Page 68 and 69: fine or even make a mental picture
Page 70 and 71: urn Road after their houses had bee
Page 72 and 73: i./?being used as bombs. Playing tr
Page 74 and 75: their pets, which they probably wou
Page 76 and 77: finite way of demonstrating the sce
Page 78 and 79: and narcissistic at the beginning o
Page 80 and 81: caused by neglect; it can, on the o
Page 82 and 83: tion of aggression due to the examp
Page 84 and 85: ig or small that loss may be, the f
Page 86 and 87: The second case, Sylvia, three and
Page 88 and 89: the destruction which goes on aroun
Page 90 and 91: with the mother which contains all
Page 92 and 93: esidential homes these should be si
Page 95: The previous part of the book isbas
Page 98 and 99: AllayingFearEven children whose mot
Page 100 and 101: their children. They appreciate eve
Page 102 and 103: street next to the one in which she
Page 104 and 105: This same state of affairs continue
Page 106 and 107: went upstairs or downstairs,Patrick
Page 108 and 109: Blitz in September and October 1940
Page 110 and 111:
ing underneath, tried to drop a hea
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more than a year her junior.Her lat
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whether this was the way in which s
Page 116 and 117:
ditions was too short to make up fo
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or abnormal outcome seems to be the
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somehow included in it and soon bec
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een re-opened,excited much comment
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with an absent love object. We say
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PARENTS AND CHILDRENJune-July 1941S
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older children three and four years
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denied admission but he waited outs
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In addition to the story, he said h
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1which used to belong to his parent
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porch leading down to terraced lawn
Page 138 and 139:
Peter, whom he had brought from hom
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for them was no shock of any kind.
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and a half years of his life and th
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the children have not been informed
Page 146 and 147:
some patient and careful work tomot
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withheld from the child and that th
Page 150 and 151:
months thi9 was the period I was in
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of our own. This training scheme is
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COOKINGSEWINGTwo courses of two-hou
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tensive Christmas leave. Brenda, se
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mother's relationship remains more
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Ronny, seven years old, who takes v
Page 162 and 163:
The step taken was the subdivision
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to them, reappeared as often as she
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April—July 1942CONFLICTING ATTITU
Page 168 and 169:
y the doubt and worry whether she h
Page 170 and 171:
But even with the best intentions t
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weekly and only a few less often. T
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The same feelings can also be expre
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Her unconscious wish against the ba
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ditions of normal family life. When
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up all precautions, which means tha
Page 182 and 183:
—"Do you remember the first night
Page 184 and 185:
When asked why he worried about thi
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She says: "Teacher says there are a
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away." Which means at this moment h
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parents. All these services were si
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I have seen other nursery schools d
Page 194 and 195:
The mother relationship of the smal
Page 200 and 201:
«MW fee Aarje, keek ms! be krwefc!
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