Freud_Burlingham_1943_War_and_Children_k_text

oth qualities in the eyes of its own motherIt is this primitive possessiveness and overestimationat the bottom of motherly lovewhich make it possible for mothers to standthe strain of work for their children withoutfeeling abused. It is common knowledge thatonly love for children will prevent their continualdemands, the continual noise caused bythem, and the continual damage done by themfrom being considered a nuisance.Foster mothers, i.e. householders, are expectedto suffer children whom they neitherlove nor over-estimate. There will only be twocourses open to them. One is to retain theattitude of an indifferent outsider, to complainabout the imposition and to try and getrid of the child as soon as possible. Theother course taken is to adopt the mother'sattitude, which means to feel towards thestrange child as if it were her own. The fostermother will in these last cases not suffer fromthe children billeted on her, or rather shewill take the trouble involved as a matter ofcourse, as mothers do.But this second attitude, which is the causeof all billeting successes, contains another danger.The real mother of the child will suddenlyturn up on Sundays or holidays andclaim earlier rights of possession. It has beensaid on many occasions, and once more after the4D