Freud_Burlingham_1943_War_and_Children_k_text

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y the doubt and worry whether she has donethe right thing for the child. It would gratifyher in one way to find that the child is worseoff away from her than with her and thereforeshe will be very ready to find fault and willexamine the child for signs of neglect and illtreatmentand will observe the nurses or fostermother with critical eyes. On the other handshe, of course, wants to find her child well andcontent. A sensitive child, besides having itsown emotional reactions will feel this tensenessand conflict in the mother. It will be aware ofher critical attitude and feel torn between itsallegiance to her and the incipient liking forhis new surroundings.These emotions which exist as undercurrentsduring the whole length of the visitthencreate violent disturbances when the time forleave-taking arrives. This is generally a mostpainful experience for the mother as well asfor the child. The child will cling to themother, scream and show its misery in a noisymanner. The mother would certainly not wanther child to let her leave gladly but she cannotstand these upsetting scenes. She reacts tothem, by trying, on her next visit either tofoolthe child by pretending that she is not leavingwhen she really intends to do so or by sayinggoodbye to the child over and over again. Aftera mother has experienced such scenes repeated-164
ly she will acquire a new conflict: she feels thather visits only add to the unhappiness of thechild and she is now torn between the desire tostay away so as to spare the child further unhappinessand the desire to reassure herself bycoming to visit the child again as soon aspossible.The situation is, naturally, even worse for themother if the child reacts to her coming andgoing with apparent indifference. She is unableto understand such unfaithfulness, she will behurt, jealous, unhappy and probably willlengthen the intervals between her visits. Shesuspects the people who take care of the childof "turning it against her". Mothers in this statewill at one moment be cross, at the next overaffectionatewith their children. If not helpedover this difficult moment, the most likely wayout for them will be to take the child homeagain.In the Hampstead Nursery we avoid theworst of these complications by keeping openhouse for the mothers. They are reassured bythe feeling that they have easy access tochildren, that their visitstheirare no disturbance tothe routine of the household, that they can taketheir children out for walks and home fornights whenever they are free. Nothing whichgoes on in the nursery is hidden from theireyes so that their worst suspicions are allayed.165
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•?mm
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WAR AND CHILDREN
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COPYRIGHT 194Jy»- ruALL RIGHTS RES
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The Foster Parents' Plan for War Ch
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of children has, therefore, little
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The Nurseries, further, give lodgin
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the significance of air raids. They
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The understanding of catastrophes,
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confused in her mind with the more
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gether in a play-pen will bite each
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fact that the destruction raging in
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them as far as they can understand
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fear in this manner and return, app
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they knew about its wickedness. It
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from danger and put them in surroun
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her mother's lack of fearnot develo
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dren. We have four examples, where
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urged to adapt themselves to a high
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oth qualities in the eyes of its ow
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misfits.They have in their position
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certainly more than the average ine
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Development of the Mother-Relations
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mother also at times when there is
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other people in the world besides i
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pleasure and avoid pain and discomf
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ooms, the position of the beds and
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Both sexes in this manner have thei
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only one main punishment for anybod
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not develop on quite the same lines
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the present. New ties are form Ther
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fine or even make a mental picture
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urn Road after their houses had bee
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i./?being used as bombs. Playing tr
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their pets, which they probably wou
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finite way of demonstrating the sce
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and narcissistic at the beginning o
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caused by neglect; it can, on the o
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tion of aggression due to the examp
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ig or small that loss may be, the f
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The second case, Sylvia, three and
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the destruction which goes on aroun
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with the mother which contains all
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esidential homes these should be si
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The previous part of the book isbas
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AllayingFearEven children whose mot
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their children. They appreciate eve
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street next to the one in which she
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This same state of affairs continue
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went upstairs or downstairs,Patrick
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Blitz in September and October 1940
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ing underneath, tried to drop a hea
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more than a year her junior.Her lat
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whether this was the way in which s
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ditions was too short to make up fo
Page 118 and 119: or abnormal outcome seems to be the
Page 120 and 121: somehow included in it and soon bec
Page 122 and 123: een re-opened,excited much comment
Page 124 and 125: with an absent love object. We say
Page 126 and 127: PARENTS AND CHILDRENJune-July 1941S
Page 128 and 129: older children three and four years
Page 130 and 131: denied admission but he waited outs
Page 132 and 133: In addition to the story, he said h
Page 134 and 135: 1which used to belong to his parent
Page 136 and 137: porch leading down to terraced lawn
Page 138 and 139: Peter, whom he had brought from hom
Page 140 and 141: for them was no shock of any kind.
Page 142 and 143: and a half years of his life and th
Page 144 and 145: the children have not been informed
Page 146 and 147: some patient and careful work tomot
Page 148 and 149: withheld from the child and that th
Page 150 and 151: months thi9 was the period I was in
Page 152 and 153: of our own. This training scheme is
Page 154 and 155: COOKINGSEWINGTwo courses of two-hou
Page 156 and 157: tensive Christmas leave. Brenda, se
Page 158 and 159: mother's relationship remains more
Page 160 and 161: Ronny, seven years old, who takes v
Page 162 and 163: The step taken was the subdivision
Page 164 and 165: to them, reappeared as often as she
Page 166 and 167: April—July 1942CONFLICTING ATTITU
Page 170 and 171: But even with the best intentions t
Page 172 and 173: weekly and only a few less often. T
Page 174 and 175: The same feelings can also be expre
Page 176 and 177: Her unconscious wish against the ba
Page 178 and 179: ditions of normal family life. When
Page 180 and 181: up all precautions, which means tha
Page 182 and 183: —"Do you remember the first night
Page 184 and 185: When asked why he worried about thi
Page 186 and 187: She says: "Teacher says there are a
Page 188 and 189: away." Which means at this moment h
Page 190 and 191: parents. All these services were si
Page 192 and 193: I have seen other nursery schools d
Page 194 and 195: The mother relationship of the smal
Page 200 and 201: «MW fee Aarje, keek ms! be krwefc!
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