1. 2. 3. - Schori Beratungen
1. 2. 3. - Schori Beratungen
1. 2. 3. - Schori Beratungen
You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles
YUMPU automatically turns print PDFs into web optimized ePapers that Google loves.
HANDBOOK<br />
OF<br />
BASIC CHRISTIAN<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
TRAINING<br />
LEVEL 1
Contents<br />
<strong>1.</strong> FOREWORD………………………………………………………………………………………………………. 2<br />
<strong>2.</strong> HISTORY…………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 3<br />
<strong>3.</strong> ETHICAL AND THEORETICAL BACKGROUND OF THE COUNSELLING TRAINING………………… 4<br />
4. FOR TEACHERS ON LEVEL 1…………………………………………………………………………………. 7<br />
5. FOR STUDENTS ON LEVEL 1………………………………………………………………………………….. 8<br />
6. STRUCTURE OF LEVEL 1………………………………………………………………………………………. 9<br />
7. ACCREDITATION…………………………………………………………………………………………………. 10<br />
8. UNIT 1 PURPOSE OF COUNSELLING ……………………………………………………………………….. 11<br />
9. UNITS 2- 4 TECHNIQUES OF HOW TO ASK AND TO LISTEN …………………………………………… 20<br />
10. UNITS 5 – 8 PERSONALITY STRUCTURE …………………………………………………………………… 49<br />
1<strong>1.</strong> UNITS 9 – 11 NATURAL AND SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT……………………………………………….. 87<br />
1<strong>2.</strong> UNITS 12 – 14 FAMILY CONSTELLATION AND GENORGRAM ………………………………………….. 119<br />
1<strong>3.</strong> UNITS 15 – 16 COMFORTING IN TIMES OF SUFFERING …………………………………………………. 169<br />
14. UNITS 17 – 19 PRAYER COUNSELLING, FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION …………………... 185<br />
15. UNITS 20 – 22 FINALITY APPROACH OF BEHAVIOUR PROBLEMS …………………………………… 225<br />
16. UNIT 23 REPETITION, EVALUATION AND CERTIFICATION………………………………………………. 264<br />
17. KNOWLEDGE ASSESSMENT (UNITS 1 -22)………………………………………………………………….. 265<br />
APPENDIX<br />
18. ASSIGNMENTS DURING LEVEL 1 …………………………………………………………………………….. 270<br />
19. APPLICATION FORM FOR LEVEL 1…………………………………………………………………………… 283<br />
20. ETHICAL GUIDELINES OF ACC SOUTH ASIA……………………………………………………………….. 284<br />
2<strong>1.</strong> APPLICATION FORM FOR ACCREDITATION (ACC SOUTH ASIA)……………………………………… 286<br />
2<strong>2.</strong> LITERATURE AND LINKS………………………………………………………………………………………...287<br />
2<strong>3.</strong> ADDRESS LIST OF COUNSELLORS AND CONSULTANTS BY ACC SWITZERLAND…………………288<br />
1
Foreword<br />
I am glad that this excellent handbook for training Christian leaders in counselling<br />
ministry has been prepared and is being published in India . I believe that this will be a<br />
wonderful resource for the whole body of Christ in India in preparing several thousands of<br />
leaders in this nation in the art and principles of counselling. This is a much needed<br />
resource for meeting the needs of men and women who are looking for guidance to help<br />
the millions of people with various kinds of difficulties and challenges in their personal and<br />
family lives.<br />
We were fortunate to have Kingdom Ministries from Switzerland help us for the past<br />
several years in equipping Christian leaders in India to handle this very important and<br />
complex subject of counselling in a very mature and Biblical perspective. We also<br />
appreciate their labour of love and hard work in helping us to prepare this handbook for the<br />
ongoing training of Christian counsellors. We believe that this will be a catalyst in<br />
transforming the lives of people from various languages, tribes, and regions who need<br />
Christ’s love, compassion and forgiveness.<br />
We know and learn from history that, God loves to do great and marvellous things through<br />
weak and imperfect people like Moses, Joshua, Peter and Paul. Ephesians 3: 20 (MSG)<br />
says, “God can do anything and every thing more than what you can think or imagine,<br />
beyond your wildest dream”.<br />
From my experience as a practicing neurologist, I have realized that the need for effective<br />
and Biblical counselling is so huge all around us. People are desperately looking for some<br />
one who could help them in their personal and family life not only in India but all around the<br />
world.<br />
I notice that special attention has been given in this book for practical exercises for learning<br />
and applying counselling skills. May the Holy Spirit guide you at every step as you start<br />
learning, practicing and training these principles in your ministry.<br />
This handbook is dedicated to all those in need of comfort and encouragement in their<br />
spiritual and emotional lives. Let this work of counselling ministry be to the Father's glory<br />
and blessing of His people leading to transformed lives, families and communities.<br />
Dr Alex Abraham<br />
New Delhi<br />
1 February 2010<br />
2
History<br />
As there was and is an incredible growth of Christian communities in the north of India since the<br />
nineties, some responsible persons from Operation Agape detected apart from evangelism and<br />
fellowship training the need of counselling as one of the five elements of healthy churches.<br />
As they stood in contact with a Swiss mission organisation (Kingdom Ministry,<br />
www.kingdomministries.ch), they started together a training for counsellors in different levels. In the<br />
years 2000 until 2010 they developed a curriculum that included, one part the knowledge of counselling<br />
and consulting of the Swiss experts and at the other side the way of believing and living in India – an<br />
accurate long-term process of assimilation. We are thankful for this cross-cultural exchange – guided<br />
by the spirit of Christ.<br />
The result of this co-working is a three level training program for counsellors and consultants. They<br />
support their churches and movements to help get mature Christians, non believers and people from<br />
other religions who are searching for advice.<br />
This handbook is for the Level I training for basic counsellors.<br />
George Jörg <strong>Schori</strong><br />
BTh, Various degrees in Counselling and marriage<br />
Counselling, Consultant and Counsellor,<br />
ACC President Switzerland, Kingdom Ministries<br />
Email: joerg.schori@bluewin.ch<br />
Charles Karl Flückiger<br />
MTh, MSc and various degrees in Counselling,<br />
Consulting and Systemic Therapy, Reformed Church Pastor,<br />
Leader of ACC-Supervision – Training<br />
Email: karl.flueckiger@hispeed.ch<br />
For downloading resources:<br />
www.schori-beratungen.ch<br />
www.agapeinstitute.in/counselling<br />
NB: copy right © This material can only be used for educational purposes. You are not allowed to sell<br />
copies and to make financial profit.<br />
3
Ethical and Theoretical Background of the Counselling Training<br />
Our teaching and training is based on 5 principles of counselling<br />
Relate and respond to people<br />
and God<br />
Welcome disturbance<br />
Find the difference<br />
Increase my own awareness<br />
before entering a personal<br />
process<br />
Being servants for development,<br />
not rulers<br />
As Christian counsellors we are bound in a contract<br />
of searching truth and grace<br />
The human personality grows and matures by<br />
crises<br />
Systemic thinking takes care for each side, each<br />
part, each view<br />
Counselling, parenting of children and training of<br />
students depend on my own behaviour<br />
I am able to clarify my various roles as coach,<br />
pastor, counsellor, leader, preacher, consultant,<br />
friend, mother, mate...<br />
Three meta-models form the basis on which our decisions and actions are reflected:<br />
Christian faith, systemic thinking and interdisciplinary cooperation.<br />
Christian faith<br />
Christian faith is based on the memories and experiences of Christ crucified and resurrected, as it is<br />
written in the New Testament and handed down to us. In different Christian traditions and communities<br />
these texts are interpreted again and again through serious Bible study and with the help of meditation<br />
and prayer.<br />
Biblical texts give examples for living together and orientation in emergency situations, so they update<br />
and vitalize individual and community faith. Both are reflected through theological considerations.<br />
Counselling in this context is aware of different views – counsellors have different field experiences,<br />
e.g. in social services of the church and church movements. Counselling helps to detect hidden motives<br />
(which sometimes are sin). More often, however, the counsellor and those seeking advice will detect<br />
resources in the client’s biography and God’s gifts to him in the past, present and future. Counsellors<br />
actively try to create an encouraging and empowering relationship with those seeking advice, because<br />
good relations is of fundamental importance in this ministry – and is a mirror of the way, God is related<br />
to men.<br />
4
Systemic thinking<br />
The purpose of systemic thinking is to activate learning and to intervene with numerous methods. This<br />
thinking assumes that a system (team, kinship, company, institution, movement, or even an individual)<br />
regulates itself, because it wants to survive. Systems stand in relationship with the external world but<br />
design their own answers, action patterns and truths (self-referential, autopoietic). These answers (and<br />
not any kind of instructions) change patterns of interpretation and behaviour. Learning steps happen<br />
when previous patterns and conceptions are being questioned and disturbed. Then, new ways of<br />
interpreting the past help to see the reality from different perspectives and to imagine a future with new<br />
and more helpful patterns.<br />
That calls for a learning design that acts to a large degree without instructions (oral or written)<br />
and gives room for experience and reflection.<br />
A systemic aspect directs its attention more strongly towards the relations between the things<br />
and elements and towards the pattern, rather than to the things and their characteristics<br />
themselves.<br />
In conflicts it is more useful to focus on the interpersonal system, the interaction between the<br />
conflict partners and to ask how these mechanisms can be modified by mutual effort.<br />
Usually, it is therefore not helpful to look for the cause (and possibly blame people for<br />
something) of a conflict, be it in the personality structure or the “character” of a group or a<br />
person.<br />
Interdisciplinary cooperation<br />
Interdisciplinary cooperation is essential because a nurse, a social education worker and a Christian<br />
counsellor have different professional experiences, professional criteria and working methods which<br />
complement each other but also have the potential to contradict each other.<br />
Almost all clients have at the same time contact with different professionals. There is a danger that<br />
counsellors only work within their own circles, without asking for overall interests. Interdisciplinary<br />
cooperation does not mean that all do a little from everything. Counselling is in the suited role to help<br />
individuals (or a team) to find solutions adapted to the client and to develop a common language<br />
despite different vocations.<br />
Using these three meta models to build up a platform for counselling, we are inspired by the “Integrative<br />
Therapy”. INTEGRATIVE THERAPY is a modern holistic and difference-making approach. There is a<br />
general framework based on research and reflection. Within this framework special emphasis is put on<br />
non-verbal communication, creative methods, techniques and media.<br />
The goal is to initiate healing and development processes in psychological, psychosomatic and<br />
psychosocial illnesses and to ease mental suffering as well as to see disease symptoms disappear.<br />
The reorganisation of the thinking, experiencing and behaviour of the client is sought through<br />
therapeutic contact and relationship using neuroscientific knowledge while treating current life<br />
problems, social network situations as well as unconscious conflicts.<br />
INTEGRATIVE THERAPY and supervision was developed by HILARION Gottfried PETZOLD (* 25.<br />
March 1944, Kirchen/Sieg). Study of philosophy, russian orthodox theology, psychology, educational<br />
theory, medicine in Paris (Dr. theol. 1968, Dr. phil. 1971), Duesseldorf and Frankfurt (Dr.phil. 1979). He<br />
is considered to be one of the leading figures of modern psychotherapy.<br />
5
Didactics of the study structure Students learn systemic thinking rather by reflecting experiences<br />
than through lectures. All training aims are theoretically based. Therefore it is useful to read texts on the<br />
main topics before or after courses. Even more important are, however, instructions and<br />
demonstrations. Every course topic needs practical exercises and evaluation. Students learn to think<br />
for themselves and work on their own (there is no other way of learning). Therefore we promote<br />
learning-groups and the keeping of a learning diary to support the learning process. We show different<br />
methods for the counselling process. Interventions are shown, practised and evaluated. Different<br />
trainers – also from outside the faculty – motivate to develop one’s own and original model of<br />
counselling. We often use live-demonstrations and on video recorded counselling-sessions because<br />
counselling research has pointed out that these are among the most effective learning methods.<br />
6
For Teachers on Level 1<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Training level 1 is done using time structure in three parts namely; roughly one fourth of the time is<br />
for theory, one fourth is for demonstration and two fourth is for group work. For example, in one<br />
hour, 15 minutes each for theory and demonstration, 30 minutes for group work.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Attention to students is given for “learning through doing” all through out training sessions.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> The smallest unit of learning is in a group which consists of three members most often, one<br />
member will be the counsellor, second member will be the counselee and third member will be the<br />
observer.<br />
4. All members will learn quite a lot taking the role of being counsellor, counselee and observer.<br />
5. In sharing of things in groups always take real life incidents and not any concocted stories.<br />
6. In a batch of level 1 course if there are above 17 members, then the batch is divided into groups of<br />
9 members.<br />
7. In the group of 9 members there will be one trained leader.<br />
8. In each group of 9 members there will be three groups and in each small group will have 3<br />
members each.<br />
9. Group work and group discussion will be conducted in groups of 9 members after plenary session<br />
of the class.<br />
10. Group work assignments are promoted in groups of 3 members of 9 member big groups.<br />
1<strong>1.</strong> Once the work in groups of 3 members is over it will be often reported in the group of 9 members.<br />
1<strong>2.</strong> The leader of group of 9 members is free of any fix role. He can take the role of observer or help<br />
other members as and when needed.<br />
1<strong>3.</strong> Teachers could encourage all the students to start doing individual reading and counselling<br />
assignments (given under appendix) from the unit 1 onwards till the unit 2<strong>3.</strong> At the end of the level 1<br />
training, for students knowledge assessment (given under appendix) in writing can be done.<br />
7
For Students on Level 1<br />
<strong>1.</strong> All students are encouraged to do this counselling program with full mind and heart along with the<br />
guidance and grace of the Lord.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> It is appreciative and advisable for you to make sure that each learner feels free to commit<br />
mistakes or blunders while going through this learning process.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> This learning program is designed in the methodology of “learning through doing”.<br />
4. Your genuine participation and full attendance (or at least 90 percent of attendance) is required and<br />
valuable for learners individually and for one another as well.<br />
5. In unavoidable situation due to health reason one can take leave with the consent of the program<br />
leader for the common good and efficiency of the program.<br />
6. To reach the program goals, level 1 training can not be shorter than 6 months and not longer than<br />
12 months.<br />
7. At the end of a counselling training, the formation teachers will give each trainee a good<br />
qualification if the requirements of the training program are met by the trainees.<br />
8. For level one, certificate trainees have to do all the counselling and reading assignments (given<br />
under appendix) of the course.<br />
9. Qualification components:<br />
• The wishes and goals of the person<br />
• The impressions of the teaching team in groups.<br />
• The reliability in being present during the lectures<br />
• The quality of the written homework they have to hand in from unit to unit<br />
• Feedback of field leaders<br />
• In case of doubt: feedback of the peer group.<br />
10. You are ready to start a worthy training, in which you will change a lot of former unhealthy<br />
behaviour-patterns.<br />
1<strong>1.</strong> The training will give you new knowledge, but more: you will practise to apply this knowledge – so<br />
at the end of each training week, you will go home with a new ability for counselling, being<br />
motivated to practise it also at home.<br />
1<strong>2.</strong> We hope and pray that you, the body of Christ will get stronger, with a better balance between<br />
talking and doing, and trained to impart health and freedom to men and women as a servant of<br />
Christ.<br />
8
Structure of Level 1<br />
Introduction and basics of counselling<br />
The teaching material is split in twenty three units of 4 hours of each unit. The level 1 training can be<br />
structured in units of half days, weekends and weeks according the local situation. E.g. two times four<br />
or five days (one week) each day 9 hrs (if people have to travel a lot to the training centre) or 23 half<br />
day units with 4hrs (for pastors training, Bible schools) – or every good mixture of this two proposals.<br />
To reach the goals, level 1 training can not be shorter than 6 months and not longer than 12 months.<br />
Curriculum done in the Training Theory Practice<br />
under<br />
Supervisi<br />
on<br />
Hours<br />
4hour-<br />
Units<br />
Purpose of counselling 3 + 1 = 4 =1<br />
Techniques how to ask and to listen 5 + 7 =12 =3<br />
Natural and spiritual development 5 + 7 =12 =3<br />
Personality structure 7 + 9 =16 =4<br />
Finality approach of behaviour problems 5 + 7 =12 =3<br />
Prayer counselling, forgiveness and<br />
7 + 9 =16 =4<br />
reconciliation part 1<br />
Family constellation and Genogram 5 + 7 =12 =3<br />
Comforting in times of suffering 3 + 5 = 8 =2<br />
Sum Training 40 + 52 =92hrs =23= 92hrs<br />
Homework done<br />
Reading and Writing<br />
10hrs<br />
Counselling with supervised report<br />
50hrs<br />
Sum Homework<br />
60hrs<br />
Total Sum<br />
152hrs<br />
9
Accreditation<br />
ACC SOUTH ASIA<br />
All those who are certified level 1 counsellors can get accreditation by ACC South Asia.<br />
The application form for the accreditation is given in the appendix. The form for filling counselling<br />
sessions up is also given along with the application for accreditation.<br />
Address:<br />
Acc South Asia<br />
295, Sai Mitra Orneta, flat no. 401<br />
St no 7, Rd no 3, west Marredpalli,<br />
Secunderabad – 500 026<br />
040- 27716941, 64628072<br />
accsouthasia@rediffmail.com<br />
BILD International University<br />
Students of B Min program of BILD International University can choose Level 1 Basic Christian<br />
Counselling training program as one of their electives. Those who successfully complete the<br />
counselling program can get 3 credits for their B Min program.<br />
Address:<br />
Agape Institute of Leadership Development<br />
Ashirwad Ashram, Kangengheri Road, Chawala,<br />
New Delhi 11007<strong>1.</strong><br />
011-65394940, 011-25319052<br />
aildindia@gmail.com<br />
www.agapeinstitute.in<br />
10
UNIT 1 PURPOSE OF COUNSELLING<br />
LEVEL 1: UNIT 1 PURPOSE OF COUNSELLING<br />
UNIT 1<br />
ICE-BREAKING AND<br />
SESSION 1<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
GOAL SETTING Part 1<br />
BREAK<br />
SESSION 2<br />
BREAK<br />
SESSION 3<br />
BREAK<br />
SESSION 4<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
GOAL SETTING Part 2<br />
WHAT IS<br />
COUNSELLING?<br />
ITS IMPORTANCE,<br />
COUNSELLOR AND<br />
COUNSELEE Part 1<br />
GOAL SETTING Part 3<br />
WHAT IS<br />
COUNSELLING?<br />
ITS IMPORTANCE,<br />
COUNSELLOR AND<br />
COUNSELEE Part 2<br />
GOAL SETTING Part 4<br />
WORTH AND DIGNITY<br />
OF COUNSELEE<br />
11
LEVEL 1 UNIT 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
SESSION1<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
ICE BREAKING AND GOAL SETTING<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To get familiar with each other.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To become friendly with one another for building a conducive atmosphere<br />
for having a counselling course.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> To get the clarity of goals which you achieve during the course.<br />
4. To know trainees expectations and desires with each other.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching while students can have work sheet regarding active listening 25 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> All could share their saving testimony in brief in the group of 3 members.<br />
They can answer these questions. <strong>1.</strong> How was my life before receiving<br />
Christ?<br />
<strong>2.</strong> How is my life after receiving Christ? <strong>3.</strong> What changes do I want now in<br />
my life?<br />
25Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Plenary session for collating ideas. 10Minutes<br />
TEACHING: ICE BREAKING AND GOAL SETTING<br />
All those who are welcome to do this course in counselling both in the forms of getting and giving.<br />
As I am here to attend this counselling course surely an overview about this counselling course would<br />
help me to have a good understanding regarding the course. This is a course designed to give you very<br />
helpful hints for your personal transformation and you would become a helpful instrument for the<br />
transformation of many others too. It is designed in a participatory method in which you have quite a lot<br />
of involvement.<br />
In a learning classroom set up of counselling especially in the participatory way, some might have early<br />
exposure but many might not have early experience in this style. Here learning is achieved through<br />
active and genuine contribution from your side all the time. Growth is a process but your consensus<br />
time to time is expected reasonably well.<br />
It would really be a time for all of you to get connected deeply with your ease, pressures, interests,<br />
dislikes, challenges, dreams, visions so on and so forth and with your life in general. Getting along with<br />
various kinds of people with different moves is also very much underlying in the strategies of this<br />
course.<br />
It enhances various streams of information, which correlates and corresponds with the truth in our life. It<br />
embraces an integrated approach to the person with systemic thinking and interdisciplinary<br />
cooperation.<br />
Of course, its prominence is always designed from the perceptive of the Bible. Any man in the world<br />
12
struggles with the four areas of evil, justice, love and forgiveness of life and which we find those four<br />
areas of life converged uniquely in one event of history i.e. the cross of Jesus Christ.<br />
<strong>1.</strong> All are very precious in this meeting.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> You all can do well in this program.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> May God bless you abundantly!<br />
4. All will get enough participation in the program.<br />
5. This learning is through participatory method.<br />
6. How much you invest that much you receive.<br />
7. Each individual is a very important person for oneself and for others. Learn things as<br />
individuals and as group.<br />
8. You are free to make mistakes and learn from it.<br />
9. Free to think in your creative way and be open to listen to others ideas too; in addition to<br />
this get along with others effectively.<br />
10. God has something to say to you through this course and each session and please pay<br />
attention to it.<br />
In Mathew 11: 28 – 30 Jesus says,<br />
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you<br />
and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my<br />
yoke is easy and my burden is light."<br />
13
LEVEL 1 UNIT 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
WHAT IS COUNSELLING? ITS IMPORTANCE,<br />
COUNSELLOR AND COUNSELEE 1<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Learn to know what happens in counselling<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Identify the ability of counselling skills within one.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Realise the need of getting counselling with in us<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 30 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> All could share each one’s life incident or experience in groups of 3 members.<br />
They can also answer these questions. <strong>1.</strong> What do you think about<br />
counselling? What is the relevance of counselling in your life? Each one<br />
takes 10 Minutes each.<br />
30 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Jesus comes to us as a counsellor. (Isaiah 61:1) (Luke 4:18) “The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is<br />
on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to<br />
bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the<br />
prisoners”. Jesus goes to individuals. Individuals come to Jesus.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Counsellor listens to counselee in counselling. Being in counselling makes a counsellor learn<br />
counselling better.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Mere listening ear itself binds up wounds (sin, persecution, failure, and misunderstanding). It is<br />
done in the setting of trust with in the frame of confidentiality.<br />
4. It is a healing process. Walk along side with counselee for a long term fruit. Strength comes from<br />
within oneself. Father God is within us and with us.<br />
5. People without gospel need Jesus. People with gospel need to go deeper into the character of<br />
Jesus.<br />
6. Giving comfort and care through counselling. For example, mother cares for her child when it cries.<br />
Child is not going for reading and hearing sermon for getting comfort. Shepherding skills (pastors,<br />
teachers, leaders) need counselling as mother does to child. Mostly personal help by one person in<br />
one on one session is given in counselling sessions.<br />
7. Walking along side with someone for a while and sometimes for a certain period.<br />
8. Every individual is important to get help for him to come out of his prison.<br />
9. Col 1: 28 “we proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may<br />
present everyone perfect in Christ”.<br />
10. Acts 20:3<strong>1.</strong> Paul served with tears everyone. It encourages repentance, which always leads to life.<br />
Lord has something to speak to you in every counselling session you go through.<br />
14
2 Corinthians 1: 3 - 5<br />
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all<br />
comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the<br />
comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our<br />
lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.<br />
15
LEVEL 1 UNIT 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
WHAT IS COUNSELLING? ITS IMPORTANCE,<br />
COUNSELLOR AND COUNSELEE 1<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Learn to know counselling through practise.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Identify the ability of counselling skills within one.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Realise the need of getting counselling with in us<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> All could share each one happy or sad incident or experience in groups of<br />
3 members. They can also answer these questions. <strong>1.</strong> What do you think<br />
that what is the most important element in counselling? What is the role<br />
of counsellor in counselling?<br />
Each one takes 15 Minutes each.<br />
45 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Plenary session for collating ideas. 15 Minutes<br />
16
LEVEL 1 UNIT 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
TOPIC: WORTH AND DIGNITY OF COUNSELEE<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Learn to value human life (counselee) sitting before you.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Learn to look at man and woman with God’s sight.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 20 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Trainer can share a real incident in front of all. 05 Minutes.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Trainer can highlight an experience, which shows the worth of counselee. 05 Minutes<br />
4. Sit in two and share one real incident: a situation I felt really respected and<br />
honoured and a situation, I felt dishonoured. While sharing no interruption<br />
could be done rather listen patiently and attentively. Both take in turn.<br />
Each one spends 10 Minutes to share. While sharing, no speaking out of<br />
imagination but speak about a real incident.<br />
20 Minutes<br />
5. Plenary session for collating ideas. At the end of this session students can<br />
be introduced to the assignments and its various forms given in the appendix<br />
of the handbook so that they could start doing from the unit 1 onwards<br />
till the last unit of level 1 training.<br />
10 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Look at the counselee not from the sight of man but from God.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Talk and deal with him with respect, honour, and kindness.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> (Gen 1:26 - 27) Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule<br />
over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the<br />
creatures that move along the ground.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God<br />
he created him; male and female he created them”.<br />
4. He is crowned with glory and honour (Psalm 8:5). God puts man in a glorious position.<br />
5. He is a unique and skilled handiwork. God knit together man (psalms 139:13-16)<br />
6. He is a precious stone, a piece of jewellery(Zech 9:16-17)<br />
7. You will be a crown of splendour in the LORD's hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. (Is<br />
62:3). Even when he is not yet cut or polished.<br />
8. He is a treasure chest (2Cor 4: 6-7)<br />
9. Jesus says: Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet<br />
your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? (Mt 6:26) Who of<br />
you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See<br />
how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labour or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all<br />
his splendour was dressed like one of these. (Mt 6:27-29)<br />
In fact, Jesus puts the one who trusts in him greater than Solomon with his entire splendour.<br />
Solomon's reign was not only a period of great material prosperity, but was equally remarkable for<br />
its intellectual activity. His maintenance of his household involved immense expenditure. The<br />
provision required for one day was “thirty measures of fine flour, and threescore measures of meal,<br />
ten fat oxen, and twenty oxen out of the pastures, and an hundred sheep, beside harts, and<br />
roebucks, and fallow-deer, and fatted fowl” (1Ki_4:22 -23). He was the leader of his people also in<br />
this uprising amongst them of new intellectual life. “He spoke three thousand proverbs:<br />
17
and his songs were a thousand and five. And he spoke of trees, from the cedar tree that is in<br />
Lebanon even unto the hyssop that springs out of the wall: he spoke also of beasts, and of fowl,<br />
and of creeping things, and of fishes” (1Ki_4:32-33).<br />
10. The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is<br />
rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. (James 1: 9-<br />
10).<br />
Rev 5: 9-10,<br />
And they sang a new song: "You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you<br />
were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and<br />
people and nation. You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they<br />
will reign on the earth." Our value is immeasurable as with the blood of Jesus Christ we are<br />
purchased with the same.<br />
18
LEVEL 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
READING ASSESSMENT:<br />
UNIT 1: PURPOSE OF COUNSELLING<br />
Summary of the unit in your words:<br />
Write and list out the main ideas you find through out the reading materials of this particular unit.<br />
<strong>1.</strong><br />
<strong>2.</strong><br />
<strong>3.</strong><br />
4.<br />
Description of the Central idea in the unit:<br />
Identify the most important idea(s) of the unit<br />
Flow chart of the unit:<br />
You can visualize and draw the main ideas in a diagrammatic manner as they appear to your mind.<br />
My view of counselling and life advancement on the unit:<br />
Reflect through your own counselling and life advancement. What new challenges would you welcome<br />
to improve your life and counselling?<br />
19
UNITS 2 - 4: TECHNIQUES OF HOW TO ASK AND TO LISTEN<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 2- 4 TECHNIQUES OF HOW TO ASK AND TO LISTEN<br />
UNIT 2 UNIT 3 UNIT 4<br />
LISTENING AND<br />
OBSERVER AND<br />
QUESTION 1<br />
LISTENING AND<br />
OBSERVER AND<br />
QUESTION 2<br />
LISTENING AND<br />
OBSERVER AND<br />
QUESTION 3<br />
SESSION 1<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
ACTIVE LISTENING<br />
(JAMES MODEL)<br />
HOW TO ASK<br />
ABOUT PROBLEM 2<br />
4 ASPECTS OF<br />
VIEWING<br />
PROBLEM 1<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 2<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
NON VERBAL<br />
COMMUNICATION:<br />
BODY LANGUAGE,<br />
VOICE, TONE, EYE<br />
CONTACT<br />
FACTS,<br />
FEELINGS AND<br />
INTENTIONS 1<br />
4 ASPECTS OF<br />
VIEWING<br />
PROBLEM 2<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 3<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
FEEDBACK AND<br />
OBSERVATION<br />
FACTS,<br />
FEELINGS AND<br />
INTENTIONS 2<br />
THE DIFFERENT<br />
PARTS OF A<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
SESSION: PART 1<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
HOW TO ASK<br />
ABOUT PROBLEM 1<br />
ROLE OF<br />
COUNSELLOR<br />
THE DIFFERENT<br />
PARTS OF A<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
SESSION: PART 2<br />
20
UNIT 2: LISTENING AND OBSERVER AND QUESTION 1<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 2- 4 TECHNIQUES OF HOW TO ASK AND TO LISTEN<br />
UNIT 2 UNIT 3 UNIT 4<br />
LISTENING AND<br />
OBSERVER AND<br />
QUESTION 1<br />
LISTENING AND<br />
OBSERVER AND<br />
QUESTION 2<br />
LISTENING AND<br />
OBSERVER AND<br />
QUESTION 3<br />
SESSION 1<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
ACTIVE LISTENING<br />
(JAMES MODEL)<br />
HOW TO ASK<br />
ABOUT PROBLEM 2<br />
4 ASPECTS OF<br />
VIEWING<br />
PROBLEM 1<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 2<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
NON VERBAL<br />
COMMUNICATION:<br />
BODY LANGUAGE,<br />
VOICE, TONE, EYE<br />
CONTACT<br />
FACTS,<br />
FEELINGS AND<br />
INTENTIONS 1<br />
4 ASPECTS OF<br />
VIEWING<br />
PROBLEM 2<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 3<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
FEEDBACK AND<br />
OBSERVATION<br />
FACTS,<br />
FEELINGS AND<br />
INTENTIONS 2<br />
THE DIFFERENT<br />
PARTS OF A<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
SESSION: PART 1<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
HOW TO ASK<br />
ABOUT PROBLEM 1<br />
ROLE OF<br />
COUNSELLOR<br />
THE DIFFERENT<br />
PARTS OF A<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
SESSION: PART 2<br />
21
LEVEL 1 UNIT 2 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
ACTIVE LISTENING (JAMES MODEL)<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know the art of communication through being quick to listen, being slow to<br />
speak and being slow to be angry.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
1 Teaching while students can have work sheet regarding active listening 30 Minutes<br />
2 Discussing the teaching in groups of three. All express their views<br />
and ideas<br />
20 Minutes<br />
3 Plenary session for collating ideas. 10 Minutes<br />
TEACHING<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does<br />
not bring about the righteous life that God desires. (James 1:19 -20) Be slow to speak (You can<br />
keep with you the work sheet of active listening while you listen to class. You are free to fill up in the<br />
side columns what makes you relevant and motivated by the topic matters.)<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Listen patiently and empathetically without prejudice.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Be slow to speak (James 1:19) A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of<br />
fools blurts out folly ( Proverb 12:23 )<br />
4. Active listening is more important than speaking. Job 21:1-3 Then Job replied: "Listen carefully to<br />
my words; let this be the consolation you give me. Bear with me while I speak, and after I have<br />
spoken, mock on.<br />
5. Be slow to become angry (James 1:19)<br />
6. Extremely patient before getting or expressing anger.<br />
7. To break a relationship needs no time but to build up one we know.<br />
8. Listening, speaking, feeling, thinking, and anger are very much interconnected.<br />
9. Proverb18:13 He who answers before listening-- that is his folly and his shame. Proverb 29:20 Do<br />
you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him. Proverb 29: 22 An<br />
angry man stirs up dissension and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.<br />
10. Things to remember in active listening;<br />
<strong>1.</strong> You learn to repeat in your own words in a short way, what you heard.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> When you speak you use; I heard that…, If I understand, Is it right that…You<br />
say that…<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Don’t interpret but confirm your summary before she or he moves on telling.<br />
4. You learn to listen carefully, hear the main points, separate what you think and feel,<br />
Concentrate on one topic.<br />
22
ACTIVE LISTENING (JAMES MODEL) WORK SHEET<br />
EXPOSTION TO JAMES 1:19 BE QUICK TO LISTEN, BE SLOW TO SPEAK, BE SLOW TO BECOME<br />
ANGRY.<br />
WHAT DOES THE FOLLOWING SPECIFICALLY MEAN TO ME?<br />
BE QUICK TO LISTEN<br />
Do not wait to listen.<br />
The first thing to do.<br />
Firm decision: I want now to listen<br />
carefully!<br />
BE SLOW TO SPEAK<br />
Wait ( Prov 18:13, Prov 29:20, Job 21:1-<br />
3)<br />
Keep your own ideas inside your heart<br />
(Prov 12:23)<br />
Take enough time.<br />
BE SLOW TO BECOME ANGRY<br />
Stay patient and mild (Prov 29:22)<br />
Take your anger to the cross.<br />
What happens if we become angry<br />
soon?<br />
WHY SHOULD WE DO THAT? (SINCE WE DO JAMES 1:19 WHAT HAPPENS IN COUNSELEE?)<br />
The counselee feels loved<br />
He will take courage to be open and<br />
honest<br />
We can check out the problem more<br />
precisely.<br />
Our loving listening is a vessel for the<br />
Holy Spirit. GOD LOVES PEOPLE WHO<br />
LISTEN AND HONOR THEM.<br />
23
LEVEL 1 UNIT 2 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
TOPIC: NON VERBAL COMMUNICATION: BODY LANGUAGE,<br />
VOICE, TONE, EYE CONTACT<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To identify and recognise non-verbal communication.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To learn to notice the movement of body<br />
<strong>3.</strong> To take note the seeing, hearing and doing in counselling.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN) :<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching while students can have work sheet regarding active listening 30 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Discussing the teaching in groups of three. All express their views and<br />
ideas<br />
20 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Plenary session for collating ideas. 10 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> We identify verbal communication from words. However, we identify non-verbal action from<br />
gestures, look, and facial expression, silence and sigh, cry so on and so forth. John 1:41-42; Jesus<br />
looked at him and said: You are Simon son of John. You will be called Cephas.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Mark 10: 17-2<strong>1.</strong> Jesus and rich man. Jesus looked at him and loved him. Mark 12: 41 – 44 Jesus<br />
sees widow’s offerings. He concentrated, had deep look with full attention in the big gathering.<br />
Jesus sees what others are usually not observing.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Feelings and thoughts are very much reflected in ones body language; sitting posture, eye contact,<br />
hands, leaning front or back, Low pitch or high pitch, speed of speech, time of silence, sighing<br />
while speaking ; all are giving some significant indications or not.<br />
4. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the<br />
LORD looks at the heart."<br />
5. Try to understand the whole person, not merely the outward appearance alone. Notice voice, eyes,<br />
face-expression, movement, spirit, and attitude. Use the outer and inner ears and eyes.<br />
6. For example, one of your workers says; “I have committed adultery.” What will you do? Put him out<br />
of the ministry immediately? May be in his eyes you see deep sadness and desperation. In the<br />
posture of his body, you see depression; he is bowed down with grief. In his spirit, you sense true<br />
repentance and a very sincere heart. Give forgiveness, comfort him, and then speak about special<br />
consequence.<br />
7. Gen 4: 4-6 LORD said to Cain, "Why angry? Why downcast?<br />
8. How fingers keep rest while communications do? Notice the pause and breaks in speaking. When<br />
eye contact goes up and down, when the counselee gets distracted. God has something to say to<br />
you through this and listen to it.<br />
24
LEVEL 1 UNIT 2 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
FEEDBACK AND OBSERVATION<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To learn to have effective observation and giving fruitful feedback.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To use non verbal communication form by the observer in the practical session.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN) :<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching while students can have work sheet regarding active listening. 20 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> A demonstration is for giving feedback. One counsellor, one counselee<br />
and one observer who can be a trainer. Counselee can share an exciting<br />
thing happened in his life. Counselling is for 10 Minutes and feedback is<br />
for 10 Minutes. We go for two rounds.<br />
40 Minutes<br />
TEACHING<br />
<strong>1.</strong> You observe the body language, nonverbal actions; seeing, hearing and body movements.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> In giving feedback constructively and positively we can pass comments and suggestions.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> While giving feedback; the observer can use the words indicating what you saw and heard.<br />
4. Observations you like to share should be short, clear and to the point. It should be restricted to a<br />
part of the interview. We avoid assumptions, interpretations, and discussions about the content.<br />
5. Not any sort of interpretation. So he can use; I have seen that…, I have remarked that … in<br />
difference to, I felt in the way of,….<br />
6. I get the impression of… Always use the words of building. Never use the words of condemnation<br />
and insulting.<br />
7. Talk about your feeling in one part of the feedback interview.<br />
8. Communicate in what respect you would have acted differently.<br />
9. Feedback is not an analysis, not a diagnosis, not a description of a whole process, not a forecast.<br />
10. It is for you to how to describe a single, a small situation, distinguish between what the partner says<br />
and what you think and feel. Use feedback as a mirror, it is honest and clear but it is not<br />
condemning. God has something to say to you through this and listen to it.<br />
25
CHECK LIST OF NON VERBAL ACTIONS FOR OBSERVER (WORK SHEET)<br />
WHAT YOU SAW?<br />
WHEN IS IT DONE?<br />
EYES<br />
MOUTH<br />
FACIAL EXPRESSIONS<br />
HEAD<br />
SHOULDERS AND NECK<br />
ARMS AND HANDS<br />
LEGS AND FEET<br />
BODY<br />
BREATH<br />
VOICE<br />
ANY ACTION SPECIAL<br />
26
LEVEL 1 UNIT 2 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
TOPIC: HOW TO ASK ABOUT PROBLEM 1<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know how to ask about problem in a counselling setting.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN) :<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 25 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Have a demonstration after the teaching with a student as counselee<br />
and trainer as counsellor.<br />
20 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Plenary session for collating ideas. 15 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: HOW TO ASK ABOUT PROBLEM<br />
The first sentences of the counselee concerning the problem are the most important. There you find<br />
often in hidden form the whole content of the problem!<br />
You need to understand the problem in a proper manner. If you do, you can do a proper contracting. If<br />
the problem is unclear, the contracting is also unclear.<br />
Work on the problem of the counselee and do not stick to your own ideas. Be focused on the problem.<br />
Ask specific questions and don’t allow the counselee just to tell stories:<br />
Use the following questions to ask for the problem:<br />
In the following form WHAT, WHO, WHEN, WHERE, HOW, WHY questions are important to explore about<br />
the problem.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
That is the problem and who has it? (be aware of role conflicts)<br />
Short description of the problem (is it the problem of the counselee itself or does he speak<br />
about the problems of others?<br />
Who is involved?<br />
When does the problem show up?<br />
When did it take place first time?<br />
Is it increasing or decreasing?<br />
In which area does the problem occur?<br />
Friendship/Fellowship<br />
Family<br />
School, Work<br />
Faith, Church<br />
How does the problem manifest especially?<br />
Let him/her tell an example<br />
If you work with couples let them both tell the problem (private logic)<br />
What could be the motives or the intentions behind the behaviour?<br />
How do the people react?<br />
Did the problem also work in the family?<br />
27
Ask yourself: What kind of intention could cause the problem?<br />
Ask back: Did I understand the problem clearly (give a short summary of the problem)?<br />
Define the task/contract very clearly with the counselee<br />
What do you expect of me?<br />
Ask yourself: Am I capable to handle the problem?<br />
Always focus on the problem and the solution. Go for it and avoid superficial talk.<br />
28
UNIT 3: LISTENING AND OBSERVER AND QUESTION 2<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 2- 4 TECHNIQUES OF HOW TO ASK AND TO LISTEN<br />
UNIT 2 UNIT 3 UNIT 4<br />
LISTENING AND<br />
OBSERVER AND<br />
QUESTION 1<br />
LISTENING AND<br />
OBSERVER AND<br />
QUESTION 2<br />
LISTENING AND<br />
OBSERVER AND<br />
QUESTION 3<br />
SESSION 1<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
ACTIVE LISTENING<br />
(JAMES MODEL)<br />
HOW TO ASK<br />
ABOUT PROBLEM 2<br />
4 ASPECTS OF<br />
VIEWING<br />
PROBLEM 1<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 2<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
NON VERBAL<br />
COMMUNICATION:<br />
BODY LANGUAGE,<br />
VOICE, TONE, EYE<br />
CONTACT<br />
FACTS,<br />
FEELINGS AND<br />
INTENTIONS 1<br />
4 ASPECTS OF<br />
VIEWING<br />
PROBLEM 2<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 3<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
FEEDBACK AND<br />
OBSERVATION<br />
FACTS,<br />
FEELINGS AND<br />
INTENTIONS 2<br />
THE DIFFERENT<br />
PARTS OF A<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
SESSION: PART 1<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
HOW TO ASK<br />
ABOUT PROBLEM 1<br />
ROLE OF<br />
COUNSELLOR<br />
THE DIFFERENT<br />
PARTS OF A<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
SESSION: PART 2<br />
29
LEVEL 1 UNIT 3 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1<br />
TOPIC: HOW TO ASK ABOUT PROBLEM 2<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To practise to know how to ask about problem in a counselling setting.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> All can form a group of three members; one is counsellor, second is<br />
counselee and third is observer.<br />
• Any problem can be taken for counsellor.<br />
• Counsellor can concentrate on the types of questions learned in the<br />
previous session to explore about the problem.<br />
• Each counselling session is for 15 Minutes<br />
• After each counselling session observer takes 5 Minutes for giving<br />
observation<br />
• Observer can use the non verbal communication work sheet<br />
• Each one can take turns.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
30
LEVEL 1 UNIT 3 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
TOPIC: FACTS, FEELINGS AND INTENTIONS1<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know how to have communication in three levels namely fact,<br />
feeling and intention.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To know the difference between fact, feeling and intention.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 30 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Have a demonstration about the fact, feeling and intention after the<br />
teaching with a student as counselee and trainer as counsellor.<br />
15 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Plenary session for collating ideas. 15 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: FACTS, FEELINGS AND INTENTIONS 1<br />
Facts:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> In any talk we do there are three levels of communication namely fact, feeling and intention.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To get facts we ask questions directly and politely to the person. For example, could you tell me<br />
where do you come from? May I know your name please? What is your job? Do you go to office by<br />
bus or train? Say something about your family members. What is the price of this shirt? How many<br />
children do you have in your first marriage? Is your wife pregnant now? When did you start your<br />
work? Where does the bus stop, which goes to the city?<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Fact gives mere information regarding reality. A person says he has only two children and in fact,<br />
he has three, then we say that he is lying and false. So facts can be easily verified by true measure.<br />
In counselling session, we do enough queries regarding facts about counselee and his actions. For<br />
example, when did you meet him last? What did you talk to him when he came to you?<br />
Feelings:<br />
4. To know feelings we need to ask caringly to the person. Unlike facts, we grow in closeness with the<br />
person and ask about feeling level. How do you like your new job? What kind of unpleasant feelings<br />
do you have with that person? What are the pleasant feelings you have in your new married life?<br />
What makes you sad? How are you thrilled with your new promotion?<br />
5. Sometimes we enquire thinking level also in connection with feeling level very much. For example,<br />
what do you think about getting a sudden transfer from your place to far away? What do you think if<br />
he forgets everything and comes for reconciliation?<br />
6. Here in feeling level of communication, we grow from eye contact and get in contact with heart level<br />
to the person. Often the body language tells you about the feeling level.<br />
7. Fact level enquiries are more peripheral than feeling level communication. Since each person is a<br />
unique individual, counsellor needs to honour and respect each ones feeling level conversation. If<br />
that is not provided then trust and confidence of the counselee on the counsellor will be shaken.<br />
We need to have active listening and to maintain friendly atmosphere to deal with feeling level<br />
questions. The counselee should not feel rejected and ignored by counsellor while dealing with the<br />
feeling level.<br />
Intention:<br />
8. We come in contact with intention means that we meet the will and the conscience level of mind.<br />
We go far deeper than external appearance and good choice of words or nice show of feeling. Let<br />
31
us describe it through a standard example from Jesus’ life (Mathew 22:15-22). Once Pharisees’<br />
disciples and Herodians went to Jesus. “Teacher, they said we know you are a man of integrity and that<br />
you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. You aren’t swayed by men, because you pay no<br />
attention to who they are.” In feeling level having communicated to him in high and honouring manner,<br />
they put a real fact level question to him. “Tell us, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar<br />
or not?” Here if Jesus says no, Herodians will catch him as he is against the king Caesar. If he says<br />
yes, Pharisees will catch him as he is supporting the dominion of Romans over Jews.<br />
9. Jesus said “You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me?’ However, Jesus knowing their evil<br />
intention and asked them for a coin. Then he enquired about its portrait and its inscription. They<br />
said Caesar’s. Then Jesus said to them, Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.<br />
10. However, their fact level and feeling level dealing with Jesus seemed to be very positive and<br />
genuine but in their conscience and will, there was an intention and purpose, which was evil.<br />
Therefore, intention level goes much deeper into ones conscience than outward form and showing<br />
belief.<br />
1<strong>1.</strong> In another occasion (Mathew 15:21-28) Jesus took the intention of the Canaanite woman (an out<br />
caste) out and praised her well. Though their initial conversation seemed to be very provocative<br />
Jesus took her real intention out which was triggered by her unbeatable profound faith in him no<br />
matter what the circumstances she belonged to.<br />
1<strong>2.</strong> The real identification of the intention deals us to get into the true diagnosis of the problem and<br />
matter.<br />
1<strong>3.</strong> The counsellor needs to know the counselee‘s intention clearly to deal with the problem he presents<br />
in a realistic and sensible manner. Intentions often are unconscious. Coming in touch with the<br />
unconscious intention (good or bad) helps the counselee to gain power over himself.<br />
14. The counsellor also needs to have self check of himself about his conscious and unconscious<br />
Intentions and will, so that he can escape from the trap while dealing with the counselee’s deep<br />
intention. For example, I dislike certain things like dominating character in counselee and if I talk to<br />
counselee with my intolerant mind I may land up in wrong conclusion with my coloured opinion.<br />
15. How many children do you have? (Fact level question). How do you enjoy your life with children?<br />
(Feeling level question). What makes you close to play with your children very often? Or why do<br />
you want to spend much time with your children? (Intention level question). We will also discuss<br />
some Intention level questions in the plenary at last.<br />
16. Dealing with fact, feeling and intention level communication the counsellor switches over simple<br />
conversation to a meaningful communication of counselling talk.<br />
32
LEVEL 1 UNIT 3 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
TOPIC: FACTS, FEELINGS AND INTENTIONS 2<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To practise to know how to ask in three levels namely fact, feeling and intention.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> All can form a group of three members; one is counsellor, second is<br />
counselee and third is observer. Any problem can take for counsellor.<br />
Counsellor can concentrate on the types of questions learned in the previous<br />
session concerning fact, feeling and intention to explore about the problem.<br />
Each counselling session is for 15 Minutes.<br />
After each counselling session observer takes 5 Minutes for giving observation.<br />
Observer can use the non verbal communication work sheet.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Each one can take turns.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
33
CHECK LIST OF NON VERBAL ACTIONS FOR OBSERVER (WORK SHEET )<br />
WHAT YOU SAW?<br />
WHEN IS IT DONE?<br />
EYES<br />
MOUTH<br />
FACIAL EXPRESSIONS<br />
HEAD<br />
SHOULDERS AND NECK<br />
ARMS AND HANDS<br />
LEGS AND FEET<br />
BODY<br />
BREATH<br />
VOICE<br />
ANY ACTION SPECIAL<br />
34
LEVEL 1 UNIT 3 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
TOPIC: THE ROLE OF COUNSELLOR<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know the role and attitude of counsellor towards counselee and counselling<br />
setting specifically.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To know the dynamics in the attitude between counsellor and counselee and<br />
observer in the counselling.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 30 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Discussing the teaching in groups of three. All express their views and ideas 20 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Plenary session for collating ideas. 10 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: THE ROLE OF COUNSELLOR<br />
<strong>1.</strong> In the counselling session we took the role of counsellor, counselee and observer.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Each one experienced their own flow, resistance, pressure, obstacles, so on and so forth and we<br />
look at them in a depth manner in the light of John 13: 1- 17(washing of disciples’ feet by Jesus).<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Jesus considered the disciples as his own and showed them the full extent of his love. (verse 1)<br />
4. Jesus had full power and authority over all things and he had come from God and would return to<br />
God. (verse 3)<br />
5. Since he had full power with him, he knew and could know also every bit of things in every<br />
disciples’ heart and mind. He knew what was going to happen with Judas Iscariot and Peter too.<br />
We see Jesus here humbling himself fully and he shows that in the action of full love and humility.<br />
6. He washed everybody’s feet and dried them with the towel wrapped around him.<br />
7. Peter resisted him by not allowing him to wash. But Jesus loved him more and more. He the<br />
Teacher and the Lord showed us an example and told us to do the same by washing the feet of one<br />
another. (Verse 17) sometimes the person you interact with is stubborn and resists you more or<br />
less. But be kind, mild, and not resentful. Stay patient. Do not use violence by shouting at the<br />
person or threatening him.<br />
8. He said to us that we will be blessed if we do them. In fact if we do counselling with the spirit of<br />
washing of feet showed by Jesus, surely we will lead everybody to God given repentance. And that<br />
will be a blessing for everyone. If we do counselling as a condescending attitude that wont work<br />
with the style God wanted, and showed to us through Jesus Christ.<br />
9. 2 Tim 2: 24-25 says, “And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to<br />
everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope<br />
that God will grant them repentance leading them to knowledge of the truth”. This would enhance<br />
the counsellor to have sufficient time, intimacy, high respect and individual attention with the person<br />
he interacts. Keep in mind to use mild words, rather than boiling or ice-cold words.<br />
10. Keeping the said attitude the counsellor does not rely on himself, he can relax and be confident in<br />
God, that God is able to convict the counselee.<br />
35
UNIT 4: LISTENING AND OBSERVER AND QUESTION 3<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 2- 4 TECHNIQUES OF HOW TO ASK AND TO LISTEN<br />
UNIT 2 UNIT 3 UNIT 4<br />
LISTENING AND<br />
OBSERVER AND<br />
QUESTION 1<br />
LISTENING AND<br />
OBSERVER AND<br />
QUESTION 2<br />
LISTENING AND<br />
OBSERVER AND<br />
QUESTION 3<br />
SESSION 1<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
ACTIVE LISTENING<br />
(JAMES MODEL)<br />
HOW TO ASK<br />
ABOUT PROBLEM 2<br />
4 ASPECTS OF<br />
VIEWING<br />
PROBLEM 1<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 2<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
NON VERBAL<br />
COMMUNICATION:<br />
BODY LANGUAGE,<br />
VOICE, TONE, EYE<br />
CONTACT<br />
FACTS,<br />
FEELINGS AND<br />
INTENTIONS 1<br />
4 ASPECTS OF<br />
VIEWING<br />
PROBLEM 2<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 3<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
FEEDBACK AND<br />
OBSERVATION<br />
FACTS,<br />
FEELINGS AND<br />
INTENTIONS 2<br />
THE DIFFERENT<br />
PARTS OF A<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
SESSION: PART 1<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
HOW TO ASK<br />
ABOUT PROBLEM 1<br />
ROLE OF<br />
COUNSELLOR<br />
THE DIFFERENT<br />
PARTS OF A<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
SESSION: PART 2<br />
36
LEVEL 1 UNIT 4 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1<br />
TOPIC: 4 ASPECTS OF VIEWING PROBLEM 1<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> The student learns 4 aspects of viewing a problem<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Through this the student gets a general idea into the nature of the<br />
problem including its source and cause through 4 aspects of looking at it<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 40 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Have a discussion after the teaching in small groups of three students. 10 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Plenary session for collating ideas. 10 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: 4 ASPECTS OF VIEWING PROBLEM 1<br />
<strong>1.</strong> SCIENTIFIC / MEDICAL BASIS<br />
<strong>1.</strong> The medical way of diagnosis is scientifically done by the recognised medical practitioner.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> We understand there is cause and effect in every problem. The effect may be some fever but there<br />
will be some real cause for the high temperature in the body.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> The result may be frequent pain in the stomach but cause may be dissatisfaction of not getting<br />
some innermost desire. Though pain relief piles are needed here but it may not give lasting help.<br />
4. If you don’t find reliable solution for the problem by this way of diagnosis you need to get into the<br />
next level of diagnosis.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> INTENTION / SYSTEM (GOOD / BAD)<br />
<strong>1.</strong> A school student of high standard syllabus finds it extremely difficult to cope with studies. His real<br />
intention on studies is very bad and having constant stomach pain and in omitting. Then after<br />
several medical diagnoses and counselling he is shifted to lower standard syllabus and then his<br />
intention regarding interest and motivation of studies became good and his performance got<br />
improved and all his physical ailments got vanished. Here we know about good and bad intention or<br />
system in which we handle the problem.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> When a couple not having children is examined and found in counselling that the wife is having a<br />
very fearful and negative feeling and intention about having a child in the core to her heart and<br />
mind. After the wrong intention is settled from the mind and heart the lady became pregnant.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> If the problem does not cease some time for longer duration rather it comes out after a short time of<br />
dormant stage since it could have some other source too for its existence.<br />
4. For example, in Luke 8:43, “And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, which had spent<br />
all her living upon physicians, neither could be healed of any”.<br />
5. We know good or bad intention in a problem by understanding whether the cause of the act makes<br />
someone acceptable or unacceptable in effect. For example in the scripture, (Daniel 5:1-30) the<br />
king Belshazzar was killed due to his intentional act of praising his gods at the expense of<br />
desecrating Israel’s temple vessels. His intentional pride on himself ruined him.<br />
6. In (Luke 7:2-9) the Roman centurion’s servant was healed due to his good will to provide a place for<br />
the Israelites for their worship. His intentional act of respecting Israelites helped him. The first<br />
incident lead to destruction due to bad intention and the second incident lead to healing due to good<br />
37
intention.<br />
7. Apart from all other issues we could find out the healthy or unhealthy systems and their connection<br />
with the problem asking how the life of the person is safeguarded with proper value and attention.<br />
System (religion, family, workplace, church, friends etc) can also perpetuate and promote the<br />
starting of many problems in a bad level like sibling discrimination, dowry system, caste<br />
discrimination, female infanticide, child labour, home violence on children and women etc.<br />
8. Mathew 12:9-15 clearly gives us an impact of a bad system of religious leadership on a person. Yet<br />
a withered handed person boldly and daringly responded to Jesus even in the controversial<br />
circumstances.<br />
9. Bad intention/system produces bad fruit and good intention/system produces good fruit. “For every<br />
tree is known by his own fruit. For of thorns men do not gather figs, nor of a bramble bush gather<br />
they grapes.” (Luke 6:44).<br />
10. We do understand intention, system and the people and in which they carry out things from the<br />
following verse of Jesus in Mathew 7: 15 – 20. “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in<br />
sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do<br />
people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good<br />
fruits, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down<br />
and thrown into the fire. Thus by their fruit you will recognize them”.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> EVIL INFLUENCE<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Here we study to recognise the evil influence behind the problem.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> When a pantheist believer heard by his friend that Jesus says; “I am the way, the truth and the life,<br />
no man cometh unto the Father, but by me” (John 14:6) he became troubled and lost sleep at night.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Who is the real agent of bad things? Jesus says in John 10:10, “The thief comes not but for to steal,<br />
and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, ad that they might have it more<br />
abundantly”.<br />
4. Bad things are done and given by an evil agent. Does God give good things and bad things to a<br />
person? In James 3:11 says; “Does a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and<br />
bitter”.<br />
5. Perhaps there also could be consequences of some occult practices in the family or of some<br />
curses.<br />
6. In Genesis 3: 4, God said to Adam, “if you eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you will<br />
die. The evil agent said to Eve, “if you eat of the tree of the knowledge you will not die.”<br />
7. In the said incident in Genesis, the real nature of complete influence of evil was death, darkness, lie<br />
and hell. The complete influence of divine nature in the incident was life, light, truth and heaven.<br />
8. Astrologers, palm readers, stargazers, weekly prognosticators, sorcerers, magicians, soothsayers,<br />
pantheist, atheist, violent militants drive men to acts knowingly or unknowingly in the name of peace<br />
and prosperity. In fact, they are eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Ultimately, the<br />
result or fruit of them is death, darkness, lie and hell. That is why the word of life, the Bible<br />
condemns those things.<br />
9. In John 8: 44, Jesus says, “He (the devil) was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the<br />
truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and<br />
the father of lies.<br />
4. DIVINE INFLUENCE<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Here we study to discern the divine influence even in the midst of a problem and of manipulation by<br />
38
evil agent. At a young age the only honourable daughter of a pantheist parents drowned in a picnic<br />
spot with her friends.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> When her diary was read after wards the parents found the strong and intimate relationship with<br />
Jesus Christ. Even in the midst of strong agony of their lovely daughter’s death the parents found<br />
hope and eternal life in Jesus Christ through her life testimony.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Such saints like that daughter would go with Philippians 1:2 “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is<br />
gain”. And Romans 8: 35 “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or<br />
distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?<br />
4. As we study the divine influence of God amidst our problems, even when all doors are shut, all<br />
human understanding has run out and then God’s window is open because of his purpose and plan.<br />
At the same time, it is important to make sure that we are not promoting or supporting any<br />
manifestation of evil influence like poverty, sickness, debt, divorce, illiteracy, judging, violence etc.<br />
in the name of divine influence. We know that only good things come from God.<br />
5. In Job 1:1 we see, “There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was<br />
perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil”. Yet this man faced utmost<br />
suffering and God himself taught him that more than anything God is above all and good.<br />
6. In Luke 1:6 God gave Zachariah and Elizabeth who were both righteous before God, John the<br />
Baptist at their old age and changed their shame into blessings for all humanity. In Luke 1:30 It was<br />
not at all an easy matter for Mary from the human point of view to understand the birth of Jesus<br />
Christ.<br />
7. It is not good to murmur against God when some unfavourable occurrence happens since God has<br />
a unique plan for every one. So in Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for<br />
good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose”. In Luke 18:27,<br />
and Jesus said, “The things which are impossible with men are possible with God”.<br />
8. The absolute saying or standard or morality on any one’s life is not based on anything else but on<br />
the divine influence which originates from God himself. Ever-changing mind of man can truly rests<br />
only on God’s influence. And one who is led by the divine influence goes by the saying of 1Peter<br />
4:1<strong>1.</strong> If any man speak let him speak as the oracles of God; if any man minister, let him do it as of<br />
the ability which God gives: that God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom be<br />
praise and dominion forever and ever. Amen.<br />
9. The supreme divine influence takes a true searcher to the blood of Christ. In Hebrews, 9:14 “How<br />
much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to<br />
God; purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?”<br />
39
LEVEL 1 UNIT 4 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
TOPIC: 4 ASPECTS OF VIEWING PROBLEM 2<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To practise to know how to ask about problem in a counselling setting.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> The student learns to ask about the problem in the light of 4 aspects of<br />
viewing problem.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Through this the student gets a general idea into the nature of the problem<br />
including its source and cause through 4 aspects of looking at a problem.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> All can form a group of three members; one is counsellor, second is<br />
counselee and third is observer. Any problem can take for counselee.<br />
Counsellor can concentrate on the types of questions learned in the previous<br />
session to explore about the problem. Each counselling session is for<br />
15 minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> After each counselling session observer takes 5 minutes for giving<br />
observation. Observer can use the non verbal communication work sheet<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Each one can take turns.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
40
4 ASPECTS OF VIEWING PROBLEM (WORK SHEET)<br />
STATE THE PROBLEM YOU LIKE TO WORK:<br />
1: SCIENTIFIC / MEDICAL BASIS<br />
How long does your problem affect your work and<br />
life?<br />
What happened in your life shortly before the<br />
Problem occurred? (with regard to physical body,<br />
intention and system)<br />
Did you get any medical treatment concerning your<br />
problem?<br />
If yes: What was the diagnosis of the medical<br />
doctor?<br />
How and how long did the medicine help?<br />
If no: Do you need some medical help?<br />
2: INTENTION / SYSTEM (GOOD / BAD)<br />
What thought or emotion could express itself in the<br />
way of your problem?<br />
What is your experience from others with this<br />
problem?<br />
What would be your main constraint regarding the<br />
solution of the problem?<br />
How far does your family support you with this problem?<br />
What do you think about the recovery of this problem?<br />
3: EVIL INFLUENCE<br />
What are the bad experiences with this problem<br />
with you and with others?<br />
What do you think about the evil agent in this<br />
problem?<br />
What are bad fruits or behaviours revealed by the<br />
evil agent?<br />
What is the thing you try to avoid for the solution?<br />
4: DIVINE INFLUENCE<br />
What is the character you acquired through this<br />
problem?<br />
What is the lesson you learn about God from this<br />
problem?<br />
What is the lesson you learn about man from this<br />
problem?<br />
What do you learn to do and not to do from this<br />
problem?<br />
41
LEVEL 1 UNIT 4 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
THE DIFFERENT PARTS OF COUNSELLING SESSION:<br />
20 MINUTES COUNSELLING 1<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know the formal counselling session specifically and to train<br />
it in a short 20 minutes format.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To know how to run a counselling session with namely, starting, description,<br />
focusing and ending.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> To use check list of counselling by counsellor and observation form by observer.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching while students can have work sheet regarding<br />
check list of counselling<br />
30 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Have a demonstration of 20 minute counselling session. A student can<br />
be counselee and the trainer can be counsellor.<br />
20 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Feedback session for collating ideas. 10 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: 20 MINUTES COUNSELLING 1<br />
<strong>1.</strong> In any counselling conversation, primarily one fellow is talking and the other is listening. The one<br />
who has come for talking is counselee and the one who is sitting for listening is counsellor. If I say,<br />
it in a pictorial manner counselling session can be compared to a football play. Counselee plays<br />
with football as life and counsellor watches it as a friendly coach.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> There are instances like starting, breaks, ending, free flow of ball, sudden checks from other<br />
players, fouls from others, good goals, some miss of good opportunities of goal so on and so forth.<br />
Counselee’s conversation may take shape of the said features in some way or other in any<br />
counselling session. Any action in your counselling one on one session gives you a close look at<br />
your life, and life events which you are dealing with it primarily not others.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> It is a 20-minute counselling session specially designed for the learning purpose, though in actual<br />
case we may take more time than twenty minutes either. In the counselling session, there are<br />
mainly four parts: starting, description, focusing and ending.<br />
4. Starting part is for warming up for counsellor and counselee. Even if they know each other early, do<br />
the warming up part knowingly. Counsellor could ask questions regarding name, place, work and<br />
weather etc.<br />
Steps in the house of communication<br />
<strong>1.</strong> You can take steps to open the door: kindness, friendliness, smiling face, confidence,<br />
trustworthiness<br />
You can take steps to go in: talking about things, situations, small talk (“warming up”)<br />
You can take steps to sit down in the sofa: talk about your feelings, listen in what ways the partner<br />
tells you her/his feelings, watch out for emotions which will show up with the words - and name<br />
some of them<br />
You can take steps to have a meal together: you recognize the intention (motives), the longing and<br />
the deep wishes of your partner and you share your own yearnings<br />
But also there are steps to take you out: body language which expresses uncommunicativeness,<br />
pressure, talkativeness, (not being aware of what that the partner is), moral. Things we do not miss<br />
in this part are; make the counselee sit comfortably, offer a glass of water or a cup of tea if needed,<br />
give the counselee a gracious welcome. Time is 3 minutes for this interaction.<br />
42
<strong>2.</strong> The second part is the description of the problem the counselee likes to present. In this, he may<br />
pour out lots of information and explanation but let him speak out with out much of interruption by<br />
the counsellor.<br />
Things we do not fail to pay attention in this segment are; allow the counselee to speak out the<br />
problem, have a listening heart to counselee’s explanation of the problem, notice the words<br />
repeatedly using, honour the feelings the counselee shows, observe the body language the<br />
counselee acts. Time is set here for 6 minutes.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> The third piece of counselling session is focussing. This is the bit of time counsellor makes sure of<br />
the problem counselee wants to address above all. For focusing the counsellor could ask the<br />
counselee: what do you like to speak about now? Which is the problem you’d like begin to solve<br />
today? I saw the tension in your voice and face, when you spoke about…- what could you share<br />
about that?<br />
Things we remember in this section are; there may be many problems in the description but choose<br />
the most important one. While selecting don’t interpret the one you take but you can check with the<br />
counselee that you said this like that and is that ok with you to take first. Repeat what he said and<br />
verify with him to take the matter first before you go ahead with the problem all along. Time for<br />
focus part is for 6 minutes, here.<br />
4. The final part of counselling is ending part. The whole counselling session arrives at a meaningful<br />
and supportive end with the next appointment if needed. Things we remember in this part are; do<br />
not end with hurried manner of result or hasty solutions. Give blessings to the counselee. Fix up<br />
the follow up session. Give homework. Counsellor can end with a short prayer asking “can I<br />
conclude with a prayer for you?” Time for conclusion part is here for 5 minutes.<br />
Phases of a counselling session<br />
Warming up ~<br />
3 minutes<br />
Description of the problem ~ 6 minutes<br />
Focus on one ~<br />
6 minutes<br />
Conclusion ~<br />
5 minutes<br />
How to focus within the 20 minute counselling<br />
How to begin and how to end is not the focus, you have to do it deliberately, but in a short way.<br />
Focus only on one or two points, by asking,<br />
by observing, where the stress and tension is,<br />
by relaxation,<br />
by intuition,<br />
by stopping long explanations,<br />
by encouraging to say it short and accurate, for example. in one word,<br />
by giving help to decide which the focus may be,<br />
by deciding yourself if and when you will switch the communication-levels (information, feelings,<br />
deep intentions),<br />
by active listening or confronting,<br />
by asking what s/he will do or by giving proposals, making a little stop to ask the group leader or<br />
to go straight on.<br />
by finding little conclusions, a summary, some next steps (for example.: go to this person, let’s<br />
make a date at my home…), some homework,<br />
by fixing all the open questions<br />
Be a good observer:<br />
You are as a part of the communication system – (and out of it) both, learner and teacher<br />
As a learner, you see and hear how others communicate – and you think about how you would do it.<br />
You discover the abilities of others – and you reflect upon your own, see them in a new setting. You<br />
see how different one may behave in counselling – and the most of them aren’t wrong.<br />
43
As a teacher, you can simply through your mere presence, how you are and observe, inspire the<br />
counsellor to new ways of thinking<br />
You support sisters and brothers in their desire to learn more about counselling<br />
You see how your feedback works and you refine your ability to give feedback<br />
Give encouraging feedback<br />
As an observer you have the duty to share your observations to the trainee. It’s also your responsibility<br />
to decide which of your observations you want to share and to do it in an appropriate manner.<br />
Rules<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Make some observations about the behaviour, the body language, the way of speaking and<br />
reacting. Observations which you like to share should be short, clear and to the point, should be<br />
restricted to a part of the interview, avoid assumptions, interpretations, and discussions about the<br />
content<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Talk about your feeling in one part of the feedback interview<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Communicate in what respect you would have acted differently<br />
44
LEVEL 1 UNIT 4 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
THE DIFFERENT PARTS OF COUNSELLING SESSION:<br />
20 MINUTES COUNSELLING 2<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
1 To practise the formal counselling session specifically in 20 minutes format.<br />
2 To know by practicing how to run a counselling session with namely, starting,<br />
description, focusing and ending.<br />
3 To use check list of counselling by counsellor and observation form<br />
by observer.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> All can form a group of three members; one is counsellor, second is 60 Minutes<br />
counselee and third is observer. Any problem can be taken for counselee.<br />
Counsellor can concentrate on the different parts of 20 minutes counselling<br />
format. Counsellor can use check list of counselling session.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Each counselling session is for 20 minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> After each counselling session observer takes 10 minutes for giving<br />
observation .Observer can use the observation form<br />
45
CHECK LIST OF 20 MINUTE COUNSELLING FOR COUNSELLOR (WORK SHEET)<br />
HOW IS IT DONE?<br />
FIRST (STARTING PHASE)<br />
PLACE<br />
TIME<br />
ROLES<br />
WARMING UP<br />
WHAT’S THE MATTER<br />
SPIRITUAL FRAME<br />
MIDDLE (WORKING PHASE)<br />
DESCRIBING THE PROBLEM<br />
FOCUSING<br />
CONCLUSION<br />
LAST (ENDING PHASE)<br />
TIME KEEPING<br />
EVALUATION OF RELATIONSHIP<br />
EVALUATION GOALS, HIDDEN THEMES<br />
SPIRITUAL FRAME<br />
NEXT (FOLLOW UP )STEPS<br />
NEXT DATE<br />
RESPONSIBLITIES<br />
46
LEVEL 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
OBSERVATION FORM (WORK SHEET)<br />
I OBSERVED Ms/Mr._________________________________ AS A COUNSELLOR FOR<br />
DATE:<br />
TIME:<br />
CONTENT OF THE 4 PHASES;<br />
NOTE SOME SAMPLES<br />
WARMING UP<br />
DESCRIBING THE PROBLEM<br />
FOCUSING<br />
CONCLUSION<br />
OBSERVATIONS PERTAINING THE<br />
BODY LANGUAGE<br />
WHAT ARE THE ABILITIES OF THE<br />
PERSON BEING OBSERVED?<br />
WHAT DID YOU LEARN FROM THE<br />
PERSON BEING OBSERVED?<br />
SOME IDEAS YOU WOULD DO OR SAY<br />
IN AN OTHER WAY?<br />
HOW DO YOU THINK THE COUNSELEE<br />
FEEL?<br />
A) DURING PARTICULAR PHASES<br />
B) DURING THE INTERVIEW AS A<br />
WHOLE?<br />
WHAT IMPRESSED YOU THE MOST<br />
DURING THE INTERVIEW?<br />
TIME MANAGEMENT<br />
47
LEVEL 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
READING ASSESSMENT:<br />
UNITS 2- 4 TECHNIQUES OF HOW TO ASK AND TO LISTEN<br />
Summary of the unit in your words:<br />
Write and list out the main ideas you find through out the reading materials of this particular unit.<br />
<strong>1.</strong><br />
<strong>2.</strong><br />
<strong>3.</strong><br />
4.<br />
Description of the Central idea in the unit:<br />
Identify the most important idea(s) of the unit<br />
Flow chart of the unit:<br />
You can visualize and draw the main ideas in a diagrammatic manner as they appear to your mind.<br />
My view of counselling and life advancement on the unit:<br />
Reflect through your own counselling and life advancement. What new challenges would you welcome<br />
to improve your life and counselling?<br />
48
UNITS 5- 8 PERSONALITY STRUCTURE<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 5- 8 PERSONALITY STRUCTURE<br />
UNIT 5 UNIT 6 UNIT 7 UNIT 8<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY<br />
AND FOUR<br />
TYPES OF<br />
FORCES<br />
FOUR TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE<br />
MYSELF AND<br />
FEEDBACK<br />
DEVELOP SELF<br />
UNDERSTANDING<br />
AND CHANGE OF<br />
CHARACTER<br />
HOW MY<br />
PERSONALITY<br />
FIT TO OTHERS<br />
SESSION<br />
1<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY 1<br />
FOUR TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE 2<br />
JOHARI WINDOW<br />
AND FEEDBACK 1<br />
SIMPLE<br />
PERSONALITY<br />
TEST AND<br />
DESCRIPTION 1<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION<br />
2<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY 2<br />
FOUR TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE 3<br />
JOHARI WINDOW<br />
AND FEEDBACK 2<br />
SIMPLE<br />
PERSONALITY<br />
TEST AND<br />
DESCRIPTION 2<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION<br />
3<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY 2<br />
WORK SHEET<br />
FOR FINDING<br />
ONES OWN<br />
TYPE<br />
SELF DISCLOSURE<br />
AND FEEDBACK 1<br />
MY STYLE AND<br />
MY TYPE WITH<br />
OTHERS 1<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION<br />
4<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
FOUR<br />
TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE 1<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
ACTUAL<br />
PROBLEM WITH<br />
HELP OF FOUR<br />
TYPES<br />
SELF DISCLOSURE<br />
AND FEEDBACK 2<br />
MY STYLE AND<br />
MY TYPE WITH<br />
OTHERS 2<br />
49
UNIT 5-MY SPECIFIC GOD GIVEN IDENTITY AND FOUR TYPES OF PEOPLE<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 5- 8 PERSONALITY STRUCTURE<br />
UNIT 5 UNIT 6 UNIT 7 UNIT 8<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY<br />
AND FOUR<br />
TYPES OF<br />
FORCES<br />
FOUR TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE<br />
MYSELF AND<br />
FEEDBACK<br />
DEVELOP SELF<br />
UNDERSTANDING<br />
AND CHANGE OF<br />
CHARACTER<br />
HOW MY<br />
PERSONALITY<br />
FIT TO OTHERS<br />
SESSION<br />
1<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY 1<br />
FOUR TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE 2<br />
JOHARI WINDOW<br />
AND FEEDBACK 1<br />
SIMPLE<br />
PERSONALITY<br />
TEST AND<br />
DESCRIPTION 1<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION<br />
2<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY 2<br />
FOUR TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE 3<br />
JOHARI WINDOW<br />
AND FEEDBACK 2<br />
SIMPLE<br />
PERSONALITY<br />
TEST AND<br />
DESCRIPTION 2<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION<br />
3<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY 2<br />
WORK SHEET<br />
FOR FINDING<br />
ONES OWN<br />
TYPE<br />
SELF DISCLOSURE<br />
AND FEEDBACK 1<br />
MY STYLE AND<br />
MY TYPE WITH<br />
OTHERS 1<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION<br />
4<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
FOUR<br />
TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE 1<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
ACTUAL<br />
PROBLEM WITH<br />
HELP OF FOUR<br />
TYPES<br />
SELF DISCLOSURE<br />
AND FEEDBACK 2<br />
MY STYLE AND<br />
MY TYPE WITH<br />
OTHERS 2<br />
50
LEVEL 1 UNIT 5 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1<br />
TOPIC: MY SPECIFIC GOD GIVEN IDENTITY 1<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know seven unchangeable characteristics in my identity.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Introduce the seven unchangeable characteristics 10 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Fill in the unchangeable Characteristics 10 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Share about how and why you did your marks on the unchangeable<br />
characteristics three by three<br />
30 Minutes<br />
4. Close in the plenary 10 Minutes<br />
51
TEACHING AND WORK SHEET: My specific, God given Identity<br />
An important part of spiritual and emotional healing is, to recognize the ruling wisdom and love of God<br />
about my whole life and to reconcile with my situation in the past and in the present. Both for the<br />
counsellor and the counselee are important to accept deeply and trustingly my specific, God given<br />
identity. God has shaped me different into a very specific vessel; he planned my genetic code and all<br />
the influencing circumstances in my life. This identity is determined by the so-called „Seven<br />
unchangeable characteristics“. These characteristics shaped you as a person!<br />
Work on this sheet: Which parts do I accept wholeheartedly? Make a circle in the box. (O) Which ones<br />
not very easily? Make a slash (/). Which ones very little or not at all? Make a cross (X).<br />
<strong>1.</strong> My parents and ancestors<br />
Their mental condition<br />
Their financial condition<br />
<strong>2.</strong> My family position<br />
My brothers and sisters<br />
<strong>3.</strong> My national inheritance<br />
Strength and weaknesses of my<br />
country<br />
Strengths and weaknesses of my<br />
nation<br />
Their physical condition<br />
Their successes and failures<br />
My position as first, second, third,<br />
youngest, oldest child and so on<br />
My people group (tribe)<br />
Political and economic situation<br />
4. My gender<br />
Physically (concerning my sex; m/f)<br />
socially (concerning the role as male<br />
/female, I have to play in my society)<br />
5. My body<br />
emotionally (concerning my feelings),<br />
Nose Mouth Size Colour<br />
Ears Hair Hands Birthmarks<br />
Eyes Body shape Feet Chin<br />
Face Skin Health Handicaps<br />
Strength Fitness, sport talents race<br />
6. My Mental Abilities<br />
Intelligence Talents Limitations Learning<br />
7. Age and Death<br />
Decreasing Decreasing wrinkles Weak ears<br />
Grey hairs Weak eyes Brittle bones Weak teeth<br />
52
LEVEL 1 UNIT 5 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
TOPIC: MY SPECIFIC GOD GIVEN IDENTITY 2<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know my specific identity in God.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 40 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Discussing the teaching in groups of three 20 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: MY SPECIFIC GOD GIVEN IDENTITY 1<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Introduction<br />
Adam and Eve found their identity in God. They knew and felt that God had created them. God loves us<br />
deeply as we are. He is satisfied with us and so we can be satisfied with ourselves. We can feel very<br />
good about ourselves. We know who we are, where we come from and where we are going. We know<br />
that from our Creator.<br />
Man lost his real God-given identity through the Fall. Since then man’s relationships and orientation are<br />
spoiled. He has lost sight of his counterpart, God. The break-up of the relationship with God leaves a<br />
lack, which man himself now tries to fill.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Purpose<br />
God’s purpose for man is that he should become like Him in his relationship with God. Jesus is the<br />
counterpart of the Father (Col. 1:15). We should become like Jesus (Rom. 8:29). This is our calling and<br />
our purpose.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Forms of identity<br />
<strong>1.</strong> The identity of a person is the sum of the characteristics by which we differ from others. My identity<br />
is my real being; what I really am. In my passport, some of my outward characteristics are listed:<br />
height, hair colour, eye colour, sex and lastly my photo. In addition to these, I have my character<br />
and all my peculiarities.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Identity also can mean a total match or rather a total similarity of things and persons. For instance,<br />
it is said in John 1:1, "In the beginning was the word. The word was with God and was like God in<br />
every way.” This tells us that Jesus and the Father are totally alike or identical in every way.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Identification: This is a process of putting oneself emotionally and intuitively into the position of<br />
someone else, a group or an activity, and of adopting essential characteristics and behaviour<br />
patterns into one’s own personality. Every small child identifies more or less with his/her own<br />
parents and in so doing, adopts their characteristics and behaviour patterns. This can be true also<br />
with a clan and a church. A function, for instance being a pastor, can also be an identification.<br />
Another kind of identification may occur when I ask myself who am I in the eyes of others. In this<br />
case, other people define my identity.<br />
4. Situation<br />
We Christians often do not experience the growth and freedom, which we possess in Jesus, because<br />
we hold on to a wrong perception about God and ourselves. Though Jesus lives in us, often nothing or<br />
very little of him is visible in us. Many Christians struggle with their inadequacies all their lives and<br />
never get much further. This is a struggle between the flesh and the Spirit. The old nature, which wants<br />
53
to be independent and does not seek God, does not want to give up and fights against the Spirit/Christ<br />
in me. The problem is that we often do not accept ourselves as we have been created, with our<br />
personality, weaknesses and strengths. Then it is difficult for us to accept redemption and to see<br />
ourselves for what we are in Jesus. Not the spiritual super-heroes but rather me, as I am, am loved by<br />
Jesus and may daily live with him and learn from Him. If I want to be someone else and do not know<br />
my real identity (being in Jesus), I experience tensions, stress, my life is strenuous and I get tired and<br />
even sick.<br />
5. The redeemed person<br />
The redemption work of Jesus opens for me a door to a totally new relationship with God; and through<br />
it also to an entirely changed identity. As a redeemed person I can, through faith in Jesus, experience a<br />
totally new identity and be totally satisfied (Ps. 34:10). I have changed from being God’s enemy to<br />
being His friend (Rom. 8:17). God is no longer against me but for me (Rom. 8:31). Rom. 5:1 says that I<br />
am now accepted by God and have peace with Him. If someone has peace with God, he does not need<br />
to be afraid of God Himself nor of His judgment (Rom.5:9 and 8:1). And not only this; God also gives<br />
me His love, that is Himself, into my heart through His Holy Spirit (Rom. 5:5 and 8:15)! The Holy Spirit<br />
is the guarantee of a future eternal glory with God. And through this Holy Spirit, I have the certainty that<br />
He will change me into His image. Little by little my life will become more and more like Jesus’ life, in as<br />
far as I allow the Holy Spirit to change me. Yet, in this process, the Holy Spirit will not change my<br />
personality but rather gives it depth and strengthen. Therefore, the fruit of the Holy Spirit grows on the<br />
foundation of my personality.<br />
What has really happened legally?<br />
Our position in Christ is clear: fully accepted and made fully righteous (Rom. 5:1f).<br />
Through the death of my old self there is no longer any connection with sin (Rom. 6: 7+10). My<br />
Heavenly Father only accepts me if (while) I am in Christ. Only in Jesus am I holy and righteous; not in<br />
myself! This legal change happened suddenly at the new birth. Just as if a king adopted a beggar. This<br />
is sealed by a signature. Now it is a legal fact: fully accepted with a new name.<br />
What has happened in me?<br />
3<br />
2<br />
1<br />
1 is the spirit, which is dead before the new birth<br />
2 is the soul, mind, will and emotion<br />
3 is the body<br />
The redeemed person has replaced his old dead nature (1) with a godly nature. Thus Paul can say:”<br />
you are a new creation ...” The spirit is fully new. We have developed thought patterns, habits,<br />
behaviour patterns and a lifestyle, which make us the focus of our lives (2+3).<br />
Now we are in Christ and it is our responsibility and our duty to change our thinking and our behaviour.<br />
We also may decide to live according to the flesh and the old self. These are worldly Christians<br />
according to 1 Cor. 3:<strong>3.</strong><br />
54
The identity of a redeemed person is already decided. Christ’s nature is in us. It makes us able to be<br />
like Christ and not only to act like Christ. God knows that we are not able to redeem ourselves from our<br />
self-centredness by changing our behaviour and imitating Jesus. God must first change our very being<br />
and give us a new identity and purpose; then we are able to change our behaviour. A redeemed person<br />
lives in an already perfect state (legally) (Rom. 5+6+8) and in a not yet perfect one as regards his<br />
thinking and actions (Rom. 7).<br />
6. The Way<br />
In Christ, I am a spiritual person. This is the real identity of a redeemed person. Legally clear. But as a<br />
beggar does not know how to live in a royal palace and must learn many things as a child of the King,<br />
so I also need to learn many new things as a child of the King.<br />
It is not my actions, which define who I am, but who I am defines my actions! Thus it is not my<br />
behaviour which influences my identity, but my belief as to who I am. Biblical behaviour is thus the<br />
result of my faith/belief. Spiritual life thus comes as a result of faith in the Bible and not from our<br />
behaviour.<br />
Conclusion:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Theology: knowledge about what God has said about identity<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Actions: knowledge put into practice through faith.<br />
If I believe I am a sinner, what will I do? I will sin.<br />
If I believe, as Paul says, I am a saint (holy), what will I do? I will feel more and more like a saint (holy)<br />
and sometimes sin.<br />
We do not serve God in order to obtain His acceptance; we are accepted and for this reason, we serve<br />
Him! And in the same way, we do not follow God in order to be loved, but we are loved and for this<br />
reason, we follow Him!<br />
Therefore, we often first have to do as if we loved a person, in order to be really able to love him. I must<br />
act as if I were holy and walk in the light, until I grow more and more into my real identity: to be in<br />
Christ.<br />
If we want to receive our real identity in Jesus, we must apply this life principle of first doing something<br />
on the basis of what I am in Christ, and then letting our emotions follow.<br />
Conclusion<br />
Only in God, can I recognise and possess my real identity. Since this relationship with God was broken<br />
at the Fall, I cannot imagine who I am and who I could be. Therefore, I assemble my own identity<br />
through actions, thoughts about myself and conclusions about events I experience. Only through new<br />
birth by faith in Jesus is my spirit awakened to new life, through the Holy Spirit. Through the Bible, the<br />
Holy Spirit gives me God’s perspective as to what my real identity is and for what purpose I was<br />
created. This new position arises instantaneously, whereas my behaviour is still strongly influenced by<br />
my old self and its habits.<br />
Through faith in Jesus, I have received a new Master, Whom I want to obey with thankfulness for my<br />
redemption. This change takes time. Although the old master (old self) has died, I still have his words in<br />
my ears. I give the Master, in Whom I believe and Whom I obey, authority over myself,<br />
55
i.e. I adopt His identity.<br />
Faith in God’s perspective concerning my identity is now my new foundation. I cannot improve my<br />
position as God’s child but I can deepen my fellowship with God. A father remains a father and a child<br />
remains a child in their relationships to each other. However, our fellowship will be deepened through<br />
the Holy Spirit. In my obedience to Jesus, I adopt His identity more and more, which changes me more<br />
and more into His image. My basic convictions about God and myself rule me.<br />
56
LEVEL 1 UNIT 5 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
TOPIC: MY SPECIFIC GOD GIVEN IDENTITY 3<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know my specific identity in God in practising counselling session.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> All sit in threes; one counsellor, one counselee and one observer.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Any issue related identity can be taken for counselling session.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Each counselling session takes 15 minutes each<br />
and observation 5 minutes each<br />
60 Minutes<br />
57
LEVEL 1 UNIT 5 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
TOPIC: FOUR TYPES OF PEOPLE 1<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know four types of people.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To know how I fit into four types of people<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching and at the same time students fill in the Assignment: how strong<br />
is this force in my life?<br />
Mark one of the boxes with a cross.<br />
And with the marked scores fill up the graph also.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
FOUR TYPES OF PEOPLE<br />
All can have the sheet explaining four types of people while the input on them is going on.<br />
People are rarely balanced in living out the four basic calls or forces. They give more room to<br />
one or the other.<br />
We study here people who live lopsided, who live out one of four calls or one of these fears or<br />
one of four forces to a fairly high degree.<br />
The trainer goes through each type roughly before every body.<br />
Mainly he glances though each type’s motto, basic fears, bright side, Christianity, dark side,<br />
illustration, and family life.<br />
58
WORK SHEET ON FOUR TYPES OF PEOPLE<br />
1 2 3 4<br />
THE INDEPENDENT THE DEVOTED TYPE THE TRADITIONAL TYPE THE FLEXIBLE TYPE<br />
Generally Generally Generally Generally<br />
Lives out the force of<br />
rotation most.<br />
Lives out the force of<br />
revolution most.<br />
Lives out the force of<br />
gravitation most<br />
Lives out the centrifugal<br />
force most.<br />
Basic tendency: Basic tendency: Basic tendency: Basic tendency:<br />
Independent of and distant Devotion to other people, Security and stability Change, variety, pleasure<br />
from people<br />
melting with them<br />
Basic fear: Basic fear: Basic fear: Basic fear:<br />
Losing control.<br />
Separation and loneliness Instability, change, Construction, rigidity<br />
Dependency<br />
perishable nature<br />
Motto: Motto: Motto: Motto:<br />
Do not come close, that<br />
might be dangerous<br />
I need you, because I love<br />
you, I love, because I<br />
need you<br />
It is good for us to be<br />
here. Let us make here<br />
three tabernacles<br />
Let us do something else,<br />
let us enjoy life here and<br />
now.<br />
Illustration: Illustration: Illustration: Illustration:<br />
Warship, eagle Row boat, dog Ferry, elephant, clock Sailboat, squirrel, the<br />
moon<br />
Dark side: Dark side: Dark side: Dark side:<br />
Fears fellowship, lonely,<br />
distant, cold, thinks much<br />
and feels little, not<br />
sensitive, no deep<br />
conversations, sometimes<br />
very inconsiderate,<br />
isolated, mistrusting, they<br />
hardly say: I am sorry.<br />
Egoistic, selfish. Do not<br />
show their love or<br />
appreciation easily.<br />
Deep down: longing for<br />
more relationship and love<br />
Depends on the approval<br />
and love of others. Feels<br />
lonely very easily. Hardly<br />
able of standing<br />
disharmonious situations.<br />
Tends to take too much<br />
responsibility for others.<br />
Has easily false feelings of<br />
guilt. Loves submission<br />
and serving.<br />
Gives in too often, lets<br />
himself be easily overruled<br />
by the needs of other<br />
people.<br />
Wants to keep at all costs<br />
the status quo. Sticking<br />
heavily to traditions, rules,<br />
and laws. Very<br />
scrupulous, right and<br />
wrong is extremely<br />
important for him. To<br />
change she reacts with<br />
irritation and fear. Tends<br />
to be prejudiced. Often<br />
very pedantic. Everything<br />
has to be secure and in<br />
order! Stubborn. Often<br />
very perfectionist,<br />
because he does not want<br />
to make mistakes.<br />
Mistakes mean instability<br />
and change. So often he<br />
is very slow in making<br />
decisions therefore<br />
annoys other people.<br />
Often too cautious. Is<br />
often stingy, money and<br />
Does not like the normal<br />
and exhausting obligations<br />
of daily life. Wants to have<br />
as much joy and pleasure<br />
as possible by means of<br />
as little work as possible.<br />
Distracted seductive.<br />
Rejects traditions and<br />
obligations. Does not like<br />
to wait patiently for<br />
something. Planning,<br />
punctuality, perseverance<br />
are difficult for him. Needs<br />
to be glorified and<br />
admired. Has no<br />
difficulties to make friends<br />
but big difficulties to make<br />
close friends.<br />
59
collected because of<br />
security.<br />
Bright side: Bright side: Bright side: Bright side:<br />
Often courageous. Strong Sensitive, loving, caring, Perseverance, continuity, Flexible and adaptable. It<br />
in decision-making. Often friendly, talkative, humble, stability, reliability, is fun to fellowship with<br />
fit for leadership positions. willing to make sacrifices, faithfulness,<br />
them. Outgoing and<br />
Keen thinking. Careful<br />
objectivity. Independent<br />
from the moods of other<br />
faithful, conciliatory,<br />
devoted, committed.<br />
thoroughness, a steady<br />
form of diligence. Loves<br />
quality: it should last<br />
sociable, creative,<br />
inventory, able to enjoy<br />
life, charming, risky,<br />
people. Able to stick to his<br />
own opinion.<br />
forever. If the traditionalist spontaneous<br />
makes a decision it is a<br />
real one and he will stick<br />
to it at all costs.<br />
Christianity Christianity Christianity Christianity<br />
Is not easily convicted.<br />
Tends to rebel against or<br />
criticise the leaders. Often<br />
not a good shepherd or<br />
counsellor but a good<br />
leader. Is both respected<br />
and feared. Loves deep<br />
preaching without much<br />
emotion. Does not need a<br />
lot of fellowship. Likes<br />
action more than<br />
speaking.<br />
For this type God is more<br />
strong and distant and<br />
powerful than near and<br />
loving and fatherly<br />
Makes often high<br />
demands on himself.<br />
Suffers much from his<br />
weaknesses. He wants to<br />
please God, because he<br />
wants to be near to God<br />
as much as possible.<br />
Feels guilt easily, because<br />
he does not want to be<br />
separated from God.<br />
Loves to pray and takes<br />
time with God. Loves to<br />
pray and takes time with<br />
God. Shows much<br />
emotions. Needs good<br />
relationships, much<br />
fellowship and friendly<br />
people in the church. For<br />
him God is a father or a<br />
lover very dear to him.<br />
Very stable his<br />
discipleship. But tends to<br />
legalism. Sees God as<br />
judge, but also as eternal<br />
and reliable “rock of all<br />
ages”. Takes the<br />
commandments and<br />
Christian tradition very<br />
seriously. Faithfully<br />
reading the Bible not with<br />
much enthusiasm but with<br />
much perseverance. Bible<br />
is more a law book than a<br />
love story. Sometimes the<br />
outer Christian walk is<br />
more important then the<br />
inner attitudes. Wants to<br />
make the right decisions<br />
not to be loved but to be<br />
secure. He hates changes<br />
within the church, he loves<br />
liturgical elements. Loves<br />
local ministry, same place,<br />
and same people! As<br />
shepherd very faithful, his<br />
preaching stresses law<br />
and tradition.<br />
They love emotions,<br />
enthusiasm, and good<br />
music. They are open to<br />
new insights but after a<br />
good start, they do not<br />
persevere. Often good<br />
pioneers. Tendency not to<br />
take responsibility for their<br />
faults. Do not like to be<br />
corrected. Want to be<br />
successful and admired in<br />
the church. Often good<br />
preachers rhetorically.<br />
Can motivate d other<br />
Christians. They live by<br />
grace and not by law, but<br />
sometimes out of balance.<br />
Too much grace too little<br />
obedience.<br />
60
Family life Family life Family life Family life<br />
Does not communicate<br />
easily with spouse and<br />
children. Needs to be<br />
alone often and doing<br />
things for himself. Close<br />
and tender fellowship to<br />
Suffers a lot, when his<br />
marriage partner is an<br />
independent type. Gives<br />
and needs much love and<br />
intimacy. Easily<br />
reconciles.<br />
Not a very dynamic and<br />
flexible marriage partner,<br />
but faithful and reliable as<br />
father or mother.<br />
Sometimes too legalistic<br />
and strict towards the<br />
spouse or children is<br />
children on the other hand<br />
difficult for him. If you try Sometimes not strict the children know what is<br />
to push him or manipulate enough with the children. right and what is wrong in<br />
him, he will fight back or Does not want to hurt the home.<br />
close himself up. When anyone in the family. But<br />
you counsel such a type, can be very nasty and Times of crises and<br />
do not be annoyed reproaching if not getting financial loss or lack are a<br />
because of his distant and enough attention and big threat.<br />
uncommunicative communication from the<br />
other family members.<br />
behaviour. He needs more<br />
time to warm up and loose When you counsel such a<br />
his mistrust.<br />
type, do not be too much<br />
impressed by the pain of<br />
these people, because<br />
they have not got enough<br />
love and attention.<br />
Explain much, give clear<br />
factual information, and<br />
ask precise questions.<br />
Nether ride over him nor<br />
give way to him. Do not let<br />
yourself being intimidated<br />
by him.<br />
Explain and show the love<br />
of God to them. Do not<br />
demand from them two<br />
much, because they are<br />
usually very willing and<br />
tend to do too much to<br />
earn the love of God.<br />
Understand that they need<br />
more fellowship and<br />
personal attention than<br />
other people do. However,<br />
be cautious, that they do<br />
not bind themselves too<br />
close to you. Do not allow<br />
them to come too near.<br />
When you counsel such a<br />
type, emphasise<br />
motivation more than<br />
formalities and outward<br />
behaviour. Teach the<br />
relationship between love<br />
of God and law of God.<br />
Love always has priority.<br />
Give some rules, give<br />
practical suggestions and<br />
principles; he will love it<br />
without being legalistic.<br />
Give him time to get used<br />
to new things. Plead for<br />
understanding and<br />
generosity for people who<br />
are more relaxed,<br />
unrestricted and not as<br />
scrupulous as he does.<br />
Sometimes good dynamic<br />
fathers who play and do a<br />
lot with their children.<br />
Sometimes they do not<br />
take responsibility when<br />
the work as a father is too<br />
big and without diversion.<br />
They go out of the home<br />
to have their pleasures.<br />
They are often charming,<br />
sometimes like grown up<br />
little boys or girls, wanting<br />
admiration and pleasure<br />
from their spouses. They<br />
have often good ideas and<br />
they will be fights, when<br />
their spouse is very much<br />
a traditional type of<br />
person.<br />
When you counsel such a<br />
type then the counsellor is<br />
a traditional type and<br />
meets a changeable type<br />
as counselee, he has to<br />
be cautious not to judge<br />
his counselee because he<br />
is quite different.<br />
However, it is important to<br />
give a changeable person<br />
a proper dose of<br />
constriction, responsibility,<br />
rules, homework.<br />
However, not too much! A<br />
changeable person often<br />
needs some pruning,<br />
reducing the activities,<br />
learning to take steps of<br />
obedience, learning to<br />
persevere. But he will<br />
never change into a<br />
traditional or independent<br />
person.<br />
61
Assignment: how strong is this force in my life? Mark one of the boxes with a cross<br />
Very weak<br />
Very strong<br />
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10<br />
THE INDEPENDENT TYPE<br />
THE DEVOTED TYPE<br />
THE TRADITIONAL TYPE<br />
THE FLEXIBLE TYPE<br />
Now compare again the numbers of your four scales in the work sheet. Do they still fit? Having heard<br />
the information about all the four types, you can correct.<br />
Transfer the numbers from the work sheet on the following graph. By making dots on the numbers of<br />
the lines and drawing a line between them, so that you will get a square standing on the top.<br />
62
UNIT 6: FOUR TYPES OF PEOPLE<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 5- 8 PERSONALITY STRUCTURE<br />
UNIT 5 UNIT 6 UNIT 7 UNIT 8<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY<br />
AND FOUR<br />
TYPES OF<br />
FORCES<br />
FOUR TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE<br />
MYSELF AND<br />
FEEDBACK<br />
DEVELOP SELF<br />
UNDERSTANDING<br />
AND CHANGE OF<br />
CHARACTER<br />
HOW MY<br />
PERSONALITY<br />
FIT TO OTHERS<br />
SESSION<br />
1<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY 1<br />
FOUR TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE 2<br />
JOHARI WINDOW<br />
AND FEEDBACK 1<br />
SIMPLE<br />
PERSONALITY<br />
TEST AND<br />
DESCRIPTION 1<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION<br />
2<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY 2<br />
FOUR TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE 3<br />
JOHARI WINDOW<br />
AND FEEDBACK 2<br />
SIMPLE<br />
PERSONALITY<br />
TEST AND<br />
DESCRIPTION 2<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION<br />
3<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY 2<br />
WORK SHEET<br />
FOR FINDING<br />
ONES OWN<br />
TYPE<br />
SELF DISCLOSURE<br />
AND FEEDBACK 1<br />
MY STYLE AND<br />
MY TYPE WITH<br />
OTHERS 1<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION<br />
4<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
FOUR<br />
TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE 1<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
ACTUAL<br />
PROBLEM WITH<br />
HELP OF FOUR<br />
TYPES<br />
SELF DISCLOSURE<br />
AND FEEDBACK 2<br />
MY STYLE AND<br />
MY TYPE WITH<br />
OTHERS 2<br />
63
LEVEL 1 UNIT 6 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1<br />
TOPIC: FOUR TYPES OF PEOPLE 2<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know my predominant type in four types of people in the life situation.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To know how I fit into four types of people<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
All members can form four groups in which a group is of more than four<br />
members. Each member can enact each type in the group and make a skit for performance. In the next<br />
session, any life situation can be taken as theme for the skit.<br />
For example:<br />
Geetha says: You know, yesterday what happened was, my husband was doing something in digital<br />
camera. That time my daughter came and took that from him. By mistake it fell from her hand, and it<br />
started not working. He got very upset. He got angry very much because it was too costly. What I told<br />
him was to be cool. Tomorrow we would show that in some shop, so till then be cool and calm, I said.<br />
Every thing has got some solution. But he scolded me as well as my daughter. Then luckily, I switched<br />
off, then removed the battery and then again put on the camera. By Gods grace it worked well. Then I<br />
informed him over phone and after that he said sorry for everything. This is the end of this story.<br />
In the next session 10 minutes will be given for performance.<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Four groups can prepare their skit for ten minutes in the next session. 60 Minutes<br />
64
LEVEL 1 UNIT 6 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
TOPIC: FOUR TYPES OF PEOPLE 3<br />
60 Minutes<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know four types of people in the life situation.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To know how I fit into four types of people<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Four groups can perform their skit for ten minutes in this session. 40 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> After all groups performances are over, then a plenary session could be<br />
conducted. Each type’s characteristics brought out form the skits will be<br />
repeated in the group<br />
20 Minutes<br />
65
LEVEL 1 UNIT 6 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
FINDING ONE’S OWN TYPE WITH THE HELP OF GRAPH WORK SHEET<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To draw the graph after finding score on each type of people by ones own.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To know how my type works in my life.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> All can sit in three member groups.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Then they can share on their drawn graph. 35 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> For sharing they can use the following questions:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> What are the struggles I face mainly in my day to day life?<br />
<strong>2.</strong> How does this struggle fit into the drawn graph?<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Through my self knowledge what are the challenges I learn to face?<br />
4. Plenary session for group evaluation on the discussion done. 25 Minutes<br />
66
LEVEL 1 UNIT 6 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
COUNSELLING ACTUAL PROBLEM WITH THE HELP OF FOUR TYPES<br />
AND IDENTITY GIVEN BY GOD.<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To get and give counselling for the actual problem with the help of graph of four<br />
types and identity given by God.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Demonstration: counsel one student in front of all and look at his problem in<br />
perspective of four fears and longings<br />
<strong>2.</strong> All can sit in three member groups. Each one can think of one of his actual<br />
life problem for the counselling. One can be counsellor, one can be<br />
counselee and the third can be observer. For counselling 15 minutes can be<br />
taken and 5 minutes for observer. We do two rounds.<br />
20 Minutes<br />
40 Minutes<br />
67
UNIT 7: MYSELF AND FEEDBACK<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 5- 8 PERSONALITY STRUCTURE<br />
UNIT 5 UNIT 6 UNIT 7 UNIT 8<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY<br />
AND FOUR<br />
TYPES OF<br />
FORCES<br />
FOUR TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE<br />
MYSELF AND<br />
FEEDBACK<br />
DEVELOP SELF<br />
UNDERSTANDING<br />
AND CHANGE OF<br />
CHARACTER<br />
HOW MY<br />
PERSONALITY<br />
FIT TO OTHERS<br />
SESSION<br />
1<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY 1<br />
FOUR TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE 2<br />
JOHARI WINDOW<br />
AND FEEDBACK 1<br />
SIMPLE<br />
PERSONALITY<br />
TEST AND<br />
DESCRIPTION 1<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION<br />
2<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY 2<br />
FOUR TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE 3<br />
JOHARI WINDOW<br />
AND FEEDBACK 2<br />
SIMPLE<br />
PERSONALITY<br />
TEST AND<br />
DESCRIPTION 2<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION<br />
3<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY 3<br />
WORK SHEET<br />
FOR FINDING<br />
ONES OWN<br />
TYPE<br />
SELF DISCLOSURE<br />
AND FEEDBACK 1<br />
MY STYLE AND<br />
MY TYPE WITH<br />
OTHERS 1<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION<br />
4<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
FOUR<br />
TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE 1<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
ACTUAL<br />
PROBLEM WITH<br />
HELP OF FOUR<br />
TYPES<br />
SELF DISCLOSURE<br />
AND FEEDBACK 2<br />
MY STYLE AND<br />
MY TYPE WITH<br />
OTHERS 2<br />
68
LEVEL 1 UNIT 7 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1<br />
TOPIC: JOHARI WINDOW AND FEEDBACK 1<br />
60 Minutes<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know four areas of Johari window to know four areas of ones own personality.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To know how I fit into four areas of known and unknown openings of mind.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> To know how I can give feedback to others and self disclosure as well to others.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 30 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> All members can form groups of four or five members. One half of the<br />
groups work on worksheet 1 and the other half on worksheet <strong>2.</strong> In the next<br />
session two of the groups can present their group reflection for ten minutes<br />
in the whole class.<br />
30 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: JOHARI WINDOW AND FEEDBACK 1<br />
The trainer can give one life example for each about hidden self and blind self.<br />
All can have the sheet in which the picture of Johari window is depicted while the input session<br />
is moving.<br />
KNOWN<br />
TO SELF<br />
NOT KNOWN<br />
TO SELF<br />
KNOWN<br />
TO OTHERS<br />
NOTKNOWN<br />
TO OTHERS<br />
Socrates posed that it would be personally enlightening if you could "See yourself as others see you."<br />
"Feedback" is a way of helping another person to consider changing his behaviour. It is communication<br />
to a person (or a group) gives that person information about how he affects others. Only by knowing<br />
how others perceive us can we really know ourselves. Clear feedback gives us information we can use<br />
to understand ourselves. We can change, grow and develop better relationships with others as we free<br />
ourselves from misconceptions and have the opportunity to develop our relationships with others.<br />
69
Feedback brings information from our “blind self” to the area of “open self” in our Johari window.<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Mainly there are four areas in one’s life and self. In fact God knows all the areas well. One<br />
area is unknown self (unknown self) in which God alone knows and nobody else knows<br />
anything. As feedback and self disclosure take place insight would happen in the unknown<br />
self.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Another self is known to everybody that is open self.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Then one self is known only to oneself that is hidden self. In this area self disclosure has to<br />
take place. In the self disclosure time we open up more the area of hidden self.<br />
4. And the one last self known to others only but not to oneself that is blind self. In this self<br />
feedback from others would help to make it known to oneself. In the feedback time we open<br />
up the area of blind self more.<br />
Once the hidden self and blind self is revealed it becomes open self.<br />
One way to increase the size of the Arena, while decreasing the size of the other panes is<br />
through self-disclosure (sharing information about the real you with others and thus increasing<br />
their knowledge about you).<br />
Some criteria for useful feedback:<br />
Good feedback is "descriptive" rather than "evaluative." By describing one's own reaction, it leaves<br />
the individual free to use it or to discard it as he sees fit. By avoiding evaluative language, we<br />
reduce the need for the individual to react defensively and offer constructive information.<br />
Helpful feedback is "specific" rather than "general". To be told that one is "dominating" will probably<br />
not be as useful as to be told that "just now when we were deciding the issue you did not listen to<br />
what others said, you interrupted others and challenged their views. I felt I could not express my<br />
view without facing attack from you."<br />
Sensitive feedback takes into account the needs of both the receiver and the giver of feedback.<br />
Feedback can be destructive when it serves only our own needs and fails to consider the needs of<br />
the person on the receiving end.<br />
Constructive feedback is directed toward behaviour which the receiver can do something about.<br />
Frustration is only increased when a person is reminded of some short-coming over which he has<br />
no control, such as "I like tall men" when the male you are speaking with happens to be short.<br />
Feedback is best if it is solicited, rather than imposed. Feedback is most useful when the receiver<br />
himself would like to have the information.<br />
Good feedback is well timed. In general, feedback is most useful at the earliest opportunity after the<br />
given behaviour (depending, of course, on the person's readiness to hear it, support available from<br />
others, etc.)<br />
Helpful feedback is checked to insure clear communication. One way of doing this is to have the<br />
receiver try to rephrase the feedback he has received to see if it corresponds to what you the<br />
sender had in mind. When feedback is given in a group, both giver and receiver have opportunity to<br />
check with others in the group the accuracy of the feedback. Is this one person's impression or is<br />
the impression shared by others?<br />
Feedback, then, is a way of giving helpful information to others about their behaviour. Feedback<br />
clarifies how one's behaviour matches his intentions; and it is a means for establishing one's identity for<br />
answering who am I? How am I perceived by others? "Seeing ourselves as others see us" can be<br />
informative and even enlightening and allows us to change our behaviours to match our hopes and<br />
intentions.<br />
http://inst.santafe.cc.fl.us/~mwehr/HumanRel/3bFeedbk.html<br />
70
WORK SHEET 1 ON JOHARI WINDOW AND FEEDBACK<br />
HOW THE FOLLOWING EACH PERSON PLAYED IN THE FOLLOWING SIX AREAS IN THE EVENT<br />
AND CONVERSATION? JOHN 4: 4 - 42<br />
<strong>1.</strong> SAMARITAN WOMAN <strong>2.</strong> JESUS <strong>3.</strong> DISCIPLES 4. SAMARITAN CROWD<br />
1 2 3 4 5 6<br />
UNKOWN SELF OPEN SELF HIDDEN SELF BLIND SELF FEEDBACK SELF<br />
DISCLOSURE<br />
71
WORK SHEET 2 ON JOHARI WINDOW AND FEEDBACK<br />
HOW THE FOLLOWING EACH PERSON PLAYED IN THE FOLLOWING SIX AREAS IN THE EVENT<br />
AND CONVERSATION? LUKE 15: 11- 32<br />
<strong>1.</strong> YOUNGER SON <strong>2.</strong> FATHER <strong>3.</strong> ELDER SON<br />
1 2 3 4 5 6<br />
UNKOWN SELF OPEN SELF HIDDEN SELF BLIND SELF FEEDBACK SELF<br />
DISCLOSURE<br />
72
LEVEL 1 UNIT 7 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
TOPIC: JOHARI WINDOW AND FEEDBACK 1<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know four areas of Johari window to know four areas of ones own personality.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To know how I fit into four areas of known and unknown openings of mind.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> To know how I can apply Johari window and feedback in my life.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Two groups can present and share for 10 minutes their views and reflections<br />
done in the group work with work sheet.<br />
20 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Form groups three by three, one feedback giver, one feedback receiver<br />
one Observer. Feedback giver gives feedback according to the criteria for<br />
useful feedback for 5 minutes, the 5 minutes feedback according to the<br />
criteria for useful feedback of the observer concerning the feedback of the<br />
feedback giver and concerning the reaction of the feedback receiver.<br />
Each round 10 minutes.<br />
30 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Evaluation or questions and answers in the plenary. 10 Minutes<br />
73
LEVEL 1 UNIT 7 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
TOPIC: JOHARI WINDOW AND SELF DISCLOSURE 1<br />
60 Minutes<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know how to do self disclosure on the basis of four areas of Johari<br />
window so as to widen the area of open self.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> In group of three members tell about ones own three strengths and ones own<br />
weakness with life incidents. Each one can take ten minutes.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Trainer can demonstrate a counselling session and stresses the point<br />
of giving adequate feedback.<br />
Any student can be counselee and the trainer can be the counsellor.<br />
And after twenty minutes the group can give 10 minutes feedback.<br />
30 Minutes<br />
30 Minutes<br />
74
LEVEL 1 UNIT 7 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
TOPIC: JOHARI WINDOW AND SELF DISCLOSURE 2<br />
60 Minutes<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know how to do self disclosure by opening up in the counselling session.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To train adequate feedback by counselling and sharing observations<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> In a group of three members, one can be counsellor, another can be<br />
counselee and the third can be observer. The counsellor stresses the point<br />
of giving adequate feedback. Counselling session can be for 15 minutes and<br />
observation for 5 minutes.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Each one can take turns for counselling session. 60 Minutes<br />
75
UNIT 8: HOW MY PERSONALITY FIT TO OTHERS<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 5- 8 PERSONALITY STRUCTURE<br />
UNIT 5 UNIT 6 UNIT 7 UNIT 8<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY<br />
AND FOUR<br />
TYPES OF<br />
FORCES<br />
FOUR TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE<br />
MYSELF AND<br />
FEEDBACK<br />
DEVELOP SELF<br />
UNDERSTANDING<br />
AND CHANGE OF<br />
CHARACTER<br />
HOW MY<br />
PERSONALITY<br />
FIT TO OTHERS<br />
SESSION<br />
1<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY 1<br />
FOUR TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE 2<br />
JOHARI WINDOW<br />
AND FEEDBACK 1<br />
SIMPLE<br />
PERSONALITY<br />
TEST AND<br />
DESCRIPTION 1<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION<br />
2<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY 2<br />
FOUR TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE 3<br />
JOHARI WINDOW<br />
AND FEEDBACK 2<br />
SIMPLE<br />
PERSONALITY<br />
TEST AND<br />
DESCRIPTION 2<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION<br />
3<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
MY<br />
SPECIFIC<br />
GOD GIVEN<br />
IDENTITY 3<br />
WORK SHEET<br />
FOR FINDING<br />
ONES OWN<br />
TYPE<br />
SELF DISCLOSURE<br />
AND FEEDBACK 1<br />
MY STYLE AND<br />
MY TYPE WITH<br />
OTHERS 1<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION<br />
4<br />
60<br />
MINUTES<br />
FOUR<br />
TYPES OF<br />
PEOPLE 1<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
ACTUAL<br />
PROBLEM WITH<br />
HELP OF FOUR<br />
TYPES<br />
SELF DISCLOSURE<br />
AND FEEDBACK 2<br />
MY STYLE AND<br />
MY TYPE WITH<br />
OTHERS 2<br />
76
LEVEL 1 UNIT 8 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1<br />
TOPIC: SIMPLE PERSONALITY TEST AND DESCRIPTION 1<br />
60 Minutes<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To conduct simple personality test to identify ones tendencies, dispositions<br />
and strengths<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching by explaining the test and filling in the test as an example 20 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> All students can fill up the form and do the marks and draw the graph last.<br />
And the evaluation of the test could be done in the next session.<br />
30 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Summing up of the score of Spreadsheet A to Spreadsheet B 5 Minutes<br />
4. Drawing the graph 5 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: SIMPLE PERSONALITY TEST AND DESCRIPTION 1<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Introduce the simple personality test to all and give them instruction as it is<br />
said in the test form.<br />
Simple Personality Test and Description<br />
The following test provides a simple help, to identify tendencies, dispositions and strengths of an individual<br />
person. This might prove especially helpful within teamwork to improve mutual understanding and cooperation.<br />
How to do the test: In every line (A-R) of spreadsheet I distribute marks (0,1,2,3,) among the four characteristics.<br />
One of the four has to get the mark 0, one the mark 1, one the mark 2, one the mark <strong>3.</strong> It is not allowed to give<br />
the same mark to more than one characteristic<br />
Mark Three (3) means: This applies to me the most.<br />
Mark Two (2) means:<br />
Mark One (1) means:<br />
Mark Zero (0) means:<br />
This applies to me the second most<br />
This applies to me the third most<br />
This applies to me the least.<br />
77
Spreadsheet A<br />
A<br />
Balanced, eventempered<br />
Independent, selfconfident<br />
Affectionate,<br />
cordially<br />
faithful<br />
B satisfied Conscientious,<br />
diligent, precise<br />
C responsible Assertive, selfassured<br />
Logical, clear<br />
Thorough,<br />
thoroughgoing<br />
Committed,<br />
dedicated<br />
Open-minded<br />
D Faithful, loyal Likeable (lovable) generous Easily enthusiastic<br />
E<br />
Able to work in a<br />
team, adaptable,<br />
Productive,<br />
effective<br />
F Reliable Aggressive, pushy,<br />
loves to take risks<br />
Accurate, careful<br />
Optimistic<br />
disciplined<br />
Creative,<br />
innovative<br />
G Charming Tolerant Has high ideals Outgoing, extrovert<br />
H<br />
Persevering,<br />
persistent<br />
1 Outspoken,<br />
forthright<br />
Active, energetic Analytical, smart eloquent<br />
courageous<br />
Sober, factual,<br />
realistic<br />
modest<br />
J peaceable Assertive Stirring, moving generous<br />
S<br />
T<br />
R<br />
E<br />
N<br />
G<br />
T<br />
H<br />
S<br />
K Original calm, winning Exact, reliable Friendly, open<br />
L Forbearing tolerant Risk loving accurate sacrificial<br />
M<br />
Unmotivated Timid, reserved Pedantic, nitpicking Without scruples<br />
N Bigheaded, arrogant Short-tempered Cunning, mean moody<br />
0 Domineering,<br />
lording it over<br />
P<br />
Easygoing,<br />
comfortable<br />
aggressive brooding, meditative gossipy<br />
Indecisive Critically, negative weak willed<br />
Q Biased, prejudiced cold-hearted Legalistic, narrowminded<br />
impatient<br />
R Fearful inapproachable Superficial inhibited<br />
W<br />
E<br />
A<br />
K<br />
N<br />
E<br />
S<br />
S<br />
E<br />
S<br />
78
Afterwards all marks, separately for each column, shall be summed up, with the exception of the<br />
following words and their concerning marks.<br />
Spreadsheet B<br />
Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 Column 4<br />
responsible C Conscientious,<br />
diligent, precise<br />
B<br />
Affectionate,<br />
cordially<br />
A faithful A<br />
Charming G Likeable (lovable) D generous D disciplined E<br />
Outspoken,<br />
forthright<br />
I Tolerant G Optimistic F modest I<br />
Original K Calm, winning K Stirring, moving J sacrificial L<br />
Domineering,<br />
lording it over<br />
Biased,<br />
prejudiced<br />
O Timid, reserved M Cunning, mean N Without scruples M<br />
Q Indecisive P superficial R inhibited R<br />
Sum 1: Sum 2: Sum 3: Sum 4:<br />
After that the sums of the four columns (Do not forget to skip the words of Spreadsheet B) are to be<br />
transferred to the diagram below on the diagonal Coordinates. For example the sum of Column 1 (Sum<br />
1:) will be entered on the coordinate on Sector 1 lower half, left side. Make a dot at the appropriate<br />
Number on each of the four lines. Now the four dots have to be connected with a line.<br />
The resulting square indicates the profile of a person. This will help to see, for which actions,<br />
responsibilities and tasks you, respectively your spouse or colleagues are more or less qualified. And it<br />
will help to have proper expectations from each other.<br />
79
TRADITIONAL type (3) INDEPENDENT type (2)<br />
DEVOTED type (1) FLEXIBLE type (4)<br />
Corrected Version, 24.0<strong>3.</strong>2009, Jörg George <strong>Schori</strong><br />
Source: Campus for Christ, Switzerland. This text may be copied, it is not protected.<br />
80
LEVEL 1 UNIT 8 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
TOPIC: SIMPLE PERSONALITY TEST AND DESCRIPTION 2<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To share my tendencies, dispositions and strengths and to know how<br />
I fit with others in the group through the simple personality test.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 20 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> All students can share strengths and weaknesses in the group of three<br />
members for 10 minutes in the light of your filled graph.<br />
40 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: SIMPLE PERSONALITY TEST AND DESCRIPTION 2<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Conduct a plenary session before the group discussion.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Encourage the group members to develop the strengths.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Identify the weakness though the graph.<br />
4. No type is inferior or superior to one another.<br />
5. The greatest fact is to look into oneself with the help of simple personality test.<br />
The vertical Axis connects the two poles “people” and “facts”. Some people are much more orientated<br />
to people, they love to be with people (For example teachers, social workers, nurses) Some people are<br />
more orientated towards things, facts, technical devices and so on (For example scientists,<br />
technicians). And of course some people are anywhere in the middle.<br />
The horizontal Axis connects the two poles “Action” and “Reaction”. More on the action side means<br />
more initiative, more own ideas, more power to make something happen. But also more crudeness!<br />
More on the reaction side means more obedience, more loyalty, more joy in fulfilling other people’s<br />
plans with diligence and reliability<br />
The explaining table below shows for the four basic personality types the strengths, the requirements at<br />
their working place and the kind of tasks which fit them most.<br />
Example for team worker:<br />
The exemplary profile in this table displays the following strengths of his person: He reaches goals by<br />
strong commitment, is fairly fast und makes great demands on himself. Fit for new responsibilities. It<br />
could prove as weakness that he does not estimate close relationships and gets easily impatient.<br />
Tends to demand too much from other people, expects too much quality in a short time.<br />
General commentary:<br />
Probably there is no human being, who is only in one of the four sections. Everyone has characteristics<br />
from all four fields. But the proportions are different! But it would not make much sense, to make a goaloriented,<br />
self-active person responsible for book-keeping. And for the ministry of visiting people and<br />
missionary activities a people-orientated, extroverted personality would be much more qualified than a<br />
steady, persevering person, but loving to be alone and work for himself.<br />
81
Traditional Facts and Things Independent<br />
Loves Quality, reacts hoveringly<br />
and realistically<br />
Is critical and analytical, sees facts and<br />
details.<br />
Goal orientated, self-active<br />
Self assured, assertive, energetic,<br />
overcomes difficulties to achieve his<br />
goals.<br />
Loves well ordered circumstances, and<br />
a protected environment, exactness,<br />
security and personal attention.<br />
Loves instant results and fast<br />
decisions, does not like control by<br />
too much authority.<br />
R<br />
E<br />
A<br />
Fit for tasks with clear orders and<br />
expectations. Often able to control<br />
complicated procedures.<br />
Accomplishment of subtle and detailed<br />
works. Needs clear information,<br />
borders, and competences.<br />
Freedom and time will be used to<br />
achieve something – without<br />
anyone to tell him.<br />
Fit for difficult responsibilities, where<br />
courage and risk is required, and<br />
new, pioneering tasks.<br />
A<br />
C<br />
C<br />
T<br />
T<br />
I<br />
O<br />
N<br />
Group oriented, calm, cooperative<br />
Patient. A good listener. Stable and<br />
faithful. Effective through<br />
perseverance. Pacifying.<br />
Likes his work to be fully accepted in a<br />
stable environment. Needs<br />
opportunities to develop special skills.<br />
In the long run constant tasks are<br />
important. Needs to be recognised as<br />
one contributing to the general welfare<br />
of the group or organisation.<br />
Fit for limited tasks, which can be<br />
handled together with others. Not fit for<br />
constant change!<br />
People oriented, active and<br />
vigorous<br />
Extroverted, outgoing, expressive.<br />
Achieves results in cooperation with<br />
other people. Creative, often new<br />
ideas.<br />
Loves sociability and to be in the<br />
centre. Needs freedom to express<br />
himself and making suggestions.<br />
Needs people to work with. A lonely<br />
working place or work does not fit<br />
him.<br />
Fit for jobs where he can advise,<br />
teach, train, speak with people,<br />
motivate them<br />
I<br />
O<br />
N<br />
Devoted People Flexible<br />
82
LEVEL 1 UNIT 8 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
TOPIC: MY STYLE AND MY TYPE WITH OTHERS 1<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know my style in relation with work and relating with others.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 30 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> The more devoted/affiliator type, the more traditional/analyzer type, the<br />
more flexible/enthusiast type and the more independent/driver type can<br />
build groups. Each group meets in one corner. They discuss their<br />
experience in co working with the other 3 types in teams (church, family,<br />
school ….). One writes down what they like and what they dislike of the<br />
other three types.<br />
30 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: MY SYLE AND MY TYPE WITH OTHERS 1<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Highlight the difference between relation oriented and job oriented behavioural pattern and how it<br />
could affect a team (completion or differences).<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Sketch out the difference between thinkers and doers in relation of style of doing things and how it<br />
could affect a team (completion or differences).<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Explain the fours styles of persons namely driver, enthusiast, analyzer and affiliator.<br />
4. The matching similarities also could be brought between independent and driver, enthusiast and<br />
flexible, analyzer and tradition, and, affiliator and devotion.<br />
83
Interaction Styles<br />
Russell (1986) has provided a useful scheme for talking about the different ways that individuals relate<br />
to others at work. His analysis focuses on two aspects of team interaction style. First, is an individual<br />
more task-oriented or people-oriented: does a team member prefer to focus more on the job at hand or<br />
on relationships with co-workers? Second, is an individual more of a thinker or a doer: thinkers are<br />
reflective about their work whereas doers are more likely to discuss their work openly. Even though<br />
everyone is both task and people oriented, both a thinker and a doer, every individual strikes his or her<br />
own balance between these choices. This gives every team member a distinctive profile.<br />
thinker<br />
doer<br />
Relation -orientated<br />
job – orientated<br />
If this is a member's profile<br />
then this is the<br />
member's style<br />
Potential<br />
Strengths<br />
Potential Weaknesses<br />
A take-charge person exerts<br />
strong influence to get things<br />
done, focuses on results.<br />
A social specialist, expresses<br />
opinions and emotions easily;<br />
prefers strong interaction with<br />
people<br />
Likes to be well organized and<br />
thought out; prefers specific<br />
project and activities; enjoys<br />
putting structure to ideas<br />
Adaptive specialist, high<br />
concern for good relationships,<br />
seeks stability and predictability,<br />
wants to be part of larger picture<br />
DRIVER<br />
(independent)<br />
ENTHUSIAST<br />
(flexible)<br />
ANALYZER<br />
(traditional)<br />
AFFILIATOR<br />
(devoted)<br />
determined,<br />
requiring, thorough,<br />
decisive, efficient,<br />
direct<br />
personable,<br />
stimulating,<br />
enthusiastic,<br />
innovative<br />
industrious,<br />
persistent, serious,<br />
orderly, methodical<br />
cooperative,<br />
supportive,<br />
dependable, helpful<br />
dominating,<br />
unsympathetic,<br />
demanding, critical,<br />
impatient<br />
opinionated,<br />
undependable,<br />
reactionary<br />
indecisive,<br />
uncommunicative, critical<br />
conforming,<br />
uncommitted, hides true<br />
feelings<br />
Try to classify each of the members of your team / teams by filling in a name for each one and clicking<br />
on the category you think best describes their style. In which team you discover a lack or an<br />
overemphasis of a style.<br />
Source: http://www.slideserve.com/adele/coaching-employees, author unknown<br />
84
LEVEL 1 UNIT 8 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
TOPIC: MY STYLE AND MY TYPE WITH OTHERS 2<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know my style in relation with work and relating with others.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Each of the four groups in session 4 goes again there in the corner<br />
and the speaker tells the other three groups about what they like and<br />
dislike with regard to the other three groups’ behaviour. Each group<br />
has 10 minutes.<br />
30 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Each group discusses possibilities how they could help or complete the<br />
other three types of co workers instead of reacting negatively<br />
20 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Plenary session and evaluation. 10 Minutes<br />
85
LEVEL 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
READING ASSESSMENT:<br />
UNITS 5 - 8 PERSONALITY STRUCTURE<br />
Summary of the unit in your words:<br />
Write and list out the main ideas you find through out the reading materials of this particular unit.<br />
<strong>1.</strong><br />
<strong>2.</strong><br />
<strong>3.</strong><br />
4.<br />
Description of the Central idea in the unit:<br />
Identify the most important idea(s) of the unit<br />
Flow chart of the unit:<br />
You can visualize and draw the main ideas in a diagrammatic manner as they appear to your mind.<br />
My view of counselling and life advancement on the unit:<br />
Reflect through your own counselling and life advancement. What new challenges would you welcome<br />
to improve your life and counselling?<br />
86
UNITS 9 - 11 NATURAL AND SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 9- 11<br />
NATURAL AND SPITITUAL DEVELOPMENT<br />
UNIT 9 UNIT 10 UNIT 11<br />
LIFE CYCLES, THE PARADOX OF GROWTH, RIPPING PROCESSES<br />
SESSION 1 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
NATURAL AND<br />
SPIRITUAL<br />
DEVELOPMENT,<br />
INTRODUCTION AND<br />
PERSONAL EXAMPLE<br />
ERIK ERICKSON’S<br />
THEORY OF PSYCHO-<br />
SOCIAL<br />
DEVELOPMENT.<br />
INTRODUCTION AND<br />
STAGES 1-4<br />
JAMES FOWLER'S<br />
FAITH DEVELOPMENT,<br />
INTRODUCTION AND<br />
OVERVIEW<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 2 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SELF REFLECTION<br />
AND GROUP WORK:<br />
MY RIPENING<br />
PROCESS FROM<br />
CHILDHOOD TO<br />
ADULTHOOD.<br />
SELF REFLECTION AND<br />
GROUP WORK:<br />
MY OWN<br />
DEVELOPMENT<br />
THROUGH THE STAGES<br />
1-4 BY A<br />
DEMONSTRATION<br />
SELF REFLECTION<br />
AND GROUP WORK:<br />
HOW DID MY FAITH<br />
DEVELOP UNTIL<br />
NOW?<br />
SESSION 3 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
HOWARD GARDNER'S<br />
THEORY OF MULTIPLE<br />
INTELLIGENCES AND<br />
ME<br />
ERIK ERICKSON’S<br />
THEORY OF PSYCHO-<br />
SOCIAL<br />
DEVELOPMENT,<br />
STAGES 5-8<br />
SELF REFLECTION<br />
AND GROUP WORK:<br />
WHAT ARE THE NEXT<br />
STEPS IN THE<br />
DEVELOPMENT OF MY<br />
FAITH ACCORDING TO<br />
FOWLER?<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
WORK OF JEAN<br />
PIAGET AND<br />
LAWRENCE<br />
KOHLBERG'S STAGES<br />
OF MORAL<br />
DEVELOPMENT AND<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
SELF REFLECTION AND<br />
GROUP WORK:<br />
MY OWN<br />
DEVELOPMENT<br />
THROUGH THE STAGES<br />
5-UNTIL NOW AND MY<br />
EXPECTATIONS FOR<br />
THE FUTURE STAGES<br />
BY A DEMONSTRATION<br />
QUESTION AND<br />
ANSWER OR OPEN<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
SESSION AND<br />
EVALUATION<br />
87
LEVEL1 UNIT 9 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1<br />
TOPIC: INTRODUCTION TO NATURAL AND SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To introduce the natural and spiritual development to the learner<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To become knowledgeable about the introduction to stages of human<br />
development and faith development so that the counselee will have realistic<br />
expectations and meaningful learning experiences in life in whole.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 40 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> One or two Teachers tell about personal examples concerning their own<br />
development as humans. Especially about the ripening process from<br />
childhood to adulthood and transition phase from child to man or woman.<br />
20 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: NATURAL AND SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT<br />
INTRODUCTION:<br />
Focus: Knowledge of stages of human development and faith development help us to create realistic<br />
expectations and meaningful learning experiences for counselees.<br />
Goal: Become familiar with stages in the acquisition of knowledge, the construction of meaning,<br />
psychological and social growth, and moral and faith development.<br />
When we contemplate the mystery of being human, we are drawn to the story of the creation of Adam<br />
and Eve. Genesis 1:26, and 2:7 present to us some very important points to ponder and be thankful for:<br />
that God created us out of the dust of the earth, forming us as bodily creatures. Unlike any of his other<br />
creatures, he breathed his own life into us, thus creating us in his image and likeness. God gifted us by<br />
sharing some of his attributes. He made us people who can think and have a free will, to be able to<br />
choose. He shared with us his creative power, so that we can continue to create and procreate what he<br />
created out of nothing. Most importantly, he shared with us his ability to love, so that we can love him in<br />
return, and love all of his created world. So, man whose fullness was made manifest in Adam and Eve,<br />
became a being with body, mind and spirit.<br />
Adam and Eve were not created perfect, but with the full potential to grow towards perfection, towards<br />
the perfection who is God himself. After the fall, it became necessary for the Son of God, our Lord<br />
Jesus Christ to show us the path to perfection. In Jesus' incarnate life we see how each human being<br />
can develop into their full potential with which they were endowed at birth.<br />
Human beings have long been interested to know how all living things grew and developed. The<br />
ancient civilizations of the world have left their record of observations. All in their own way ascribed this<br />
development to the gods. The ancient Hebrews recorded theirs in their sacred writings. For them all of<br />
the wonders of the world had their origin in the Lord and Creator of all, as expressed in Psalm 65:10<br />
“You water its furrows abundantly, setting its ridges softening it with showers, and blessing its growth.”<br />
In our own times, beginning about 100 years ago, but especially in the last 50 years, researchers have<br />
studied patterns of human development, encompassing its physical, cognitive, psychological, and<br />
88
social aspects. This is only the beginning of the unfolding of the mystery of human growth and<br />
development which we, Christians treasure as the gift of God.<br />
As religious educators or counsellors we are called to help children and adults learn about our Christian<br />
faith, so that they can grow in faith. In this capacity we are sharers of our faith, companions and fellow<br />
travellers on a common faith journey.<br />
Faith is defined as the response of the whole person to come to know God, to love and to serve him. It<br />
must involve one's entire being, body, mind, and soul. It is important for the counsellor to understand<br />
the counselees he/she has to deal with. Knowing who they are, how they develop, what they are<br />
capable of learning and doing will enable the counsellor to put this knowledge at the service of their<br />
faith journey.<br />
We have come to learn that human growth and development is multifaceted, and is a process that is<br />
ongoing. It involves the gathering of knowledge, the ability to relate it to other things known, and<br />
choosing to do something with that knowledge. By using what we have learned and integrated we learn<br />
something new. This cyclical learning is the process of growth and development.<br />
Can these developmental sciences contribute to make the counsellor's ministry more effective? This<br />
question can be affirmed, since all things, including science, the inquiring human mind, are God's gift to<br />
us. Therefore, there need not be any contradiction between science and religion, so long as prayerfully<br />
we meet the challenge of knowing what God is communicating to us through the findings that science<br />
presents to us.<br />
In the following sections you will be introduced to your learners and to the continuous cycle of growth<br />
and development that they experience throughout their lives. You will explore this growth and<br />
development in three areas:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> How we acquire knowledge and construct meaning<br />
<strong>2.</strong> How we grow psychologically and in our ability to relate to others;<br />
<strong>3.</strong> And how we grow in our ability to think and act morally.<br />
Finally, we will learn how all these areas of development influence how we perceive and experience our<br />
faith.<br />
Principles of Developmental Theory<br />
All living things grow and develop, and when given the right conditions, will improve and move beyond<br />
their present state. Christians believe that this growth is the work of God.<br />
“And now bless the God of all, who everywhere works great wonders, who fosters our growth from<br />
birth" Sirach 50:22<br />
• Developmental theory is valued because of the insights it offers. Yet we must be vigilant in<br />
translating some of its assumptions. For example:<br />
• Development assumes that there is a certain direction in which this movement occurs. Some imply<br />
from this that a higher stage of development is better than a lower one.<br />
• Christians, however, do not believe that a person at a lower stage of development is any better in<br />
quality than at a higher stage. A person who is older, smarter, or stronger than someone else does<br />
89
not possess greater dignity or human value.<br />
• Our dignity comes from having been created in the image and likeness of God.<br />
• Some theorists view the stages of development as very predictable and identifiable through which<br />
people pass in similar sequence.<br />
• While we affirm the predictable stages of development, we must also remember that God gifts<br />
everyone with his/her own unique journey.<br />
• We must continue to use insights of the human sciences in our Christian education effort without<br />
being overly committed to one theory, but looking everywhere for scientific insights that can assist<br />
us in counselling and teaching.<br />
90
LEVEL 1 UNIT 9 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
MY RIPENING PROCESS FROM THE CHILDHOOD TO THE ADULTHOOD<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To realise the ripening process from the childhood to the adulthood in your life.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To witness the changes taking place from the role of a child to the role as a man<br />
or woman through your personal examples in your life.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Realise the need of getting counselling and giving counselling in the period of<br />
ripening process in ones life.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> In groups of three members, we do self-evaluation.<br />
• Each member can share a critical occasion or an acute stressful incident<br />
you faced in the ripening process from childhood to adulthood.<br />
• Each one can share things in accordance with the transition phase<br />
from child to man or woman<br />
40 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Plenary session to collate ideas. 20 Minutes<br />
91
LEVEL 1 UNIT 9 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
TOPIC: HOWARD GARDNER’S THEORY OF MULTIPLE INTELLIGENCES.<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To understand the theory of multiple intelligences in a person according to<br />
Howard Gardner.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To become familiar in ones own life about the multiple types of capabilities and<br />
resources in a person due to multiple intelligence.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 25 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> All could share in groups of three members ones views regarding the input:<br />
For the sharing use the questions given under discussion and application.<br />
25 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Plenary to collate the sharing. 10 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
HOWARD GARDNER’S THEORY OF MULTIPLE INTELLIGENCES.<br />
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cavite_Institute author unknown<br />
Howard Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences describes the bio-physical potentials in our learners.<br />
Howard Gardner believes that there are more ways of knowing which he describes as multiple<br />
intelligences:<br />
<br />
Linguistic intelligence is used when reading, storytelling, working on word games.<br />
This intelligence has to do with words, spoken or written. People with high verbal-linguistic intelligence<br />
display a facility with words and languages. They are typically good at reading, writing, telling stories<br />
and memorizing words along with dates. They tend to learn best by reading, taking notes, listening to<br />
lectures, and discussion and debate. They are also frequently skilled at explaining, teaching and oration<br />
or persuasive speaking. Those with verbal-linguistic intelligence learn foreign languages very easily as<br />
they have high verbal memory and recall, and an ability to understand and manipulate syntax and<br />
structure.<br />
This intelligence is highest in writers, lawyers, philosophers, journalists, politicians, poets, and teachers.<br />
<br />
Logical Mathematical intelligence is involved in problems of logic, board games, and category<br />
and pattern activities.<br />
This area of intelligence has to do with logic, abstractions, reasoning, and numbers. While it is often<br />
assumed that those with this intelligence naturally excel in mathematics, chess, computer programming<br />
and other logical or numerical activities, a more accurate definition places emphasis on traditional<br />
mathematical ability and more reasoning capabilities, abstract patterns of recognition, scientific thinking<br />
and investigation, and the ability to perform complex calculations. It correlates strongly with traditional<br />
concepts of "intelligence" or IQ.<br />
Many scientists, mathematicians, engineers, doctors and economists function in this type of<br />
92
intelligence.<br />
<br />
Musical intelligence is used in making and listening to music.<br />
This area has to do with rhythm, music, and hearing. Those who have a high level of musical-rhythmic<br />
intelligence display greater sensitivity to sounds, rhythms, tones, and music. They normally have good<br />
pitch and may even have absolute pitch, and are able to sing, play musical instruments, and compose<br />
music. Since there is a strong auditory component to this intelligence, those who are strongest in it may<br />
learn best via lecture. In addition, they will often use songs or rhythms to learn and memorize<br />
information, and may work best with music playing in the background.<br />
Careers that suit those with this intelligence include instrumentalists, singers, conductors, disc jockeys,<br />
orators, writers (to a certain extent), composers, and sales reps.<br />
<br />
Spatial intelligence is needed for art, making models, diagrams, maps.<br />
This area has to do with vision and spatial judgment. People with strong visual-spatial intelligence are<br />
typically very good at visualizing and mentally manipulating objects. Those with strong spatial<br />
intelligence are often proficient at solving puzzles. They have a strong visual memory and are often<br />
artistically inclined. Those with visual-spatial intelligence also generally have a very good sense of<br />
direction and may also have very good hand-eye coordination.<br />
Careers that suit those with this intelligence include artists, engineers, and architects.<br />
Bodily Kinesthetic intelligence is used in motor skills, bodily movement, "hands-on" activities. In<br />
this intelligence, people are generally good at physical activities such as sports or dance. They enjoy<br />
building and making things. They often enjoy learning something physically, rather than reading or<br />
hearing about it.<br />
Careers that suit those with this intelligence include athletes, dancers, actors, surgeons,<br />
doctors, builders, and soldiers.<br />
<br />
Interpersonal intelligence is used for leadership, caring activities, role-playing, working with<br />
others, and drama.<br />
This area has to do with interaction with others. In theory, people who have a high interpersonal<br />
intelligence tend to be extroverts, characterized by their sensitivity to others' moods, feelings,<br />
temperaments and motivations, and their ability to cooperate in order to work as part of a group. They<br />
communicate effectively and empathize easily with others, and may be either leaders or followers. They<br />
typically learn best by working with others and often enjoy discussion and debate.<br />
Careers that suit those with this intelligence include sales, politicians, managers, teachers, and social<br />
workers.<br />
<br />
Intrapersonal intelligence is needed for organizing activities, goal setting, deadlines, and selfevaluation.<br />
This area has to do with introspective and self-reflective capacities. Those who are strongest in this<br />
intelligence are typically introverts and prefer to work alone. They are usually highly self-aware and<br />
capable of understanding their own emotions, goals and motivations. They often have an affinity for<br />
thought-based pursuits such as philosophy. They learn best when allowed to concentrate on the<br />
subject by themselves. There is often a high level of perfectionism associated with this intelligence.<br />
Careers that suit those with this intelligence include philosophers, psychologists, theologians, writers,<br />
93
counsellors, consultants and scientists.<br />
<br />
Naturalistic intelligence is used for the human ability to discriminate among living things (plants,<br />
animals) as well as sensitivity to other features of the natural world (clouds, rock configurations).<br />
This area has to do with nature, nurturing and relating information to one's natural surroundings. This<br />
type of intelligence was not part of Gardner's original theory of Multiple Intelligences, but was added to<br />
the theory in 1997. Those with it are said to have greater sensitivity to nature and their place within it,<br />
the ability to nurture and grow things, and greater ease in caring for, taming and interacting with<br />
animals. They may also be able to discern changes in weather or similar fluctuations in their natural<br />
surroundings. Recognizing and classifying things are at the core of a naturalist. They must connect a<br />
new experience with prior knowledge to truly learn something new.<br />
"Naturalists" learn best when the subject involves collecting and analyzing, or is closely related to<br />
something prominent in nature; they also don't enjoy learning unfamiliar or seemingly useless subjects<br />
with little or no connections to nature. It is advised that naturalistic learners would learn more through<br />
being outside or in a kinesthetic way.<br />
The theory behind this intelligence is often criticized, much like the spiritual or existential intelligence<br />
(see below), as it is seen by many as not indicative of an intelligence but rather an interest.<br />
Careers that suit those with this intelligence include scientists, naturalists, conservationists, gardeners<br />
and farmers.<br />
<br />
Other intelligences<br />
Other intelligences have been suggested or explored by Gardner and his colleagues, including spiritual,<br />
existential and moral intelligence. Gardner excluded spiritual intelligence due to what he perceived as<br />
the inability to codify criteria comparable to the other "intelligences". Existential intelligence (the<br />
capacity to raise and reflect on philosophical questions about life, death, and ultimate realities) meets<br />
most of the criteria with the exception of identifiable areas of the brain that specialize for this faculty.<br />
Moral capacities were excluded because they are normative rather than descriptive.<br />
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cavite_Institute author unknown<br />
Discussion & Application:<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Which of these do you think is the primary way you assimilate knowledge? Which is the primary<br />
way you express knowledge?<br />
Which of these ways is used most often in teaching Scripture to children and youth or counselees?<br />
What might be some benefits to incorporating theories of multiple intelligences into Scripture<br />
teaching or counselling?<br />
94
LEVEL 1 UNIT 9 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
PIAGET’S HUMAN DEVELOPMENT AND<br />
KOHLBERG'S MORAL DEVELOPMENT AND COUNSELLING<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Learn to know the stages of moral development by Kohlberg’s.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Learn to know the process of human knowing by Piaget<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Realise the merit of knowing Piaget’s human development and Kohlberg’s<br />
moral development in getting and giving counselling.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching of Kohlberg’s stages of Moral Development 30 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Plenary to collate the sharing of ones views regarding the input.<br />
For the sharing use the question given under discussion and<br />
application of Kohlberg’s stages<br />
20 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Plenary to collate the sharing. 10 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: PIAGET’S HUMAN DEVELOPMENT AND KOHLBERG'S MORAL DEVELOPMENT<br />
The Process of Human Knowing:<br />
The Work of Jean Piaget<br />
The theory of cognitive development is concerned with how we grow in the ways we perceive, think<br />
about, and understand ourselves and our world. Jean Piaget's Theory of Cognitive Development<br />
provides insight into intellectual growth. His work focused not in what or how much one knows, but how<br />
one comes to know, and how that process changes as we grow. Piaget described cognitive learning as<br />
a struggle between existing ways of thinking and new insights.<br />
As learners interact with what is around them they assimilate new understandings into what they<br />
already know. When a new situation does not fit their previous understanding, they either reshape their<br />
categories of knowledge, or create new ones. Piaget identified four stages:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> The Sensory- Motor Period (Birth - 24 months)<br />
<strong>2.</strong> The Period of Preoperational Thought. This level describes an individual, usually a child between<br />
the ages of 2-6, who thinks in vivid, concrete images, and who cannot make connection between<br />
statements.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> The Period of Concrete Operations describes a learner, approximately 7-10 years of age, who<br />
still thinks in clear, concrete images, but is better able to distinguish fantasy and reality.<br />
For this age group stories filled with concrete images is the best way to teach. Meaning is still<br />
hidden in the story; the child cannot draw it out.<br />
Children at this age cannot move from the specific to the general.<br />
Therefore, it is futile to ask them what the story means. Rather, invite them to talk about the story in<br />
ways they can understand. You may ask them to describe what is happening, who their favourite<br />
character is, how the story makes them feel.<br />
95
At this stage, they are learning the story, and will imitate the story. Then, as they grow they will<br />
imagine themselves in relation to the story, finally they will be able to infer its meaning.<br />
4. The Period of Formal Operations describes a person at approximately ages 11-15 years, who has<br />
developed the ability to draw conclusions from concrete facts, and the ability to extract meaning<br />
from them.<br />
With formal operational thinking, an adolescent can understand meaning questions as adults do.<br />
In religious terms, at this stage capability for discipleship develops. The adolescent can see<br />
meaning and value in the message of Jesus.<br />
Discussion & Application:<br />
• Describe how students or counselees at the Pre-operational, Concrete, and Formal Operational<br />
stages might be expected to respond to the story of Daniel in the lion's den.<br />
• What are some problems Sunday school teachers, parents or counsellors might face without an<br />
understanding of the difference between Concrete and Formal Operations stages?<br />
• Why is it valuable for learners at a concrete level of thinking to hear, retell, and play out the same<br />
Scripture stories over and over again?<br />
• Why is it important to encourage students or counselees to explain their perceptions of objects and<br />
situations?<br />
Learning to Love<br />
Moral reasoning and decision making is another ability which humans develop using their abilities to<br />
know (cognition) and to relate (affective/relational). Children and adults decide and choose everyday<br />
how to live their lives. Children's ability to make moral decisions is affected by their cognitive and<br />
affective skills.<br />
The religious educator's and the counsellor’s goal is to lead the learner or counselee to make moral<br />
decisions, and live with justice and care according to God's standard in the world.<br />
Lawrence Kohlberg's Stages of Moral Development<br />
Piaget had theorized about the moral development of children. Kohlberg built on Piaget's work. Using<br />
an all male sample to whom he posed a series of moral dilemmas, Kohlberg identified six stages of<br />
moral reasoning based on their responses.<br />
Pre-conventional Stage<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Fear of punishment: This is the level of a very young child whose decision making is based on self<br />
centred motivations, namely fear of punishment, or self interest<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Reciprocity: Satisfaction of own needs; "I'll do this, if you return the favour."<br />
Conventional Stage<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Desire for approval: At this level the individual takes into account the community and its rules<br />
(conventions), as well as the feelings of others. Motivated by desire for acceptance.<br />
4. Law and order: There is a desire to be seen as good persons by others or by age 9-10 come to<br />
appreciate the value of rules to maintain order in a community.<br />
Post conventional Stage<br />
5. Commitment to the common good: Individual is able to decide based on principles of justice and<br />
other criteria.<br />
6. At this stage the person is able to move beyond concrete conventions of society, and become able<br />
to abstract, form the notion that there are principles behind society's laws which should be followed.<br />
Ideas of social contract, personal rights. Universal ethical principles: Continued development in this<br />
level may lead to choices of good in spite of a particular law, which is considered to be<br />
96
unjust (conscientious objector).<br />
Kohlberg's theories are based on reasoning and logic; they assume a certain level of development of<br />
the ability to know (cognition) as basis to moral decision making.<br />
Even though all the levels are related to age and how well cognition is developed, age is necessary but<br />
not a sufficient indicator of movement between stages. Some become frozen at a particular level, and<br />
not move from there for many years. It is believed that there is a rhythm of a period of stability followed<br />
by a crisis that moves the person to the next stage.<br />
Carol Gilligan's new research indicates that in moral decision making women are motivated by care and<br />
concern for the physical and psychological well being of others as well as by what is just.<br />
Some implications:<br />
• Imagination is another useful tool in arriving at moral choices.<br />
• As children and adults are attracted to stories of moral courage and goodness, they begin to<br />
imagine other ways of living their own lives.<br />
• Activities that do not force them too quickly to choose a course of action, but rather to imagine and<br />
try on a number of alternatives before choosing are helpful in developing this tool.<br />
• Knowing what is right does not guarantee that we will do what is right.<br />
• Practise with "doing good" helps moral growth: posing moral dilemmas and inviting learners to think<br />
through their actions are useful.<br />
• Giving learners the experience of doing good allows them to learn what good actions feel like.<br />
• Goal of counselling is to develop faith that is living, conscious, and active, to help counselees not<br />
only to think morally, but to act with justice and care.<br />
• Witnessing this moral development in the counselee as they grow in their capacity to live Christ-like<br />
is the motivating factor to continue in the counselling ministry.<br />
Discussion & Application:<br />
• Discuss ways in which older and younger children and adults may respond differently to moral<br />
conflict.<br />
• How can you counsel adults who are stuck in the Pre-Conventional or Conventional stage?<br />
o What are the possibilities?<br />
o What are the pitfalls?<br />
• Describe a practical activity to help counselees think in a new way or from a different perspective.<br />
(Hint: Remember the list of Gardner's multiple intelligences)<br />
• What are some ways to encourage counselees' developing decision-making skills?<br />
97
UNIT 10 LIFE CYCLES, THE PARADOX OF GROWTH AND RIPPING PROCESS 2<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 9- 11<br />
NATURAL AND SPITITUAL DEVELOPMENT<br />
UNIT 9 UNIT 10 UNIT 11<br />
LIFE CYCLES, THE PARADOX OF GROWTH, RIPPING PROCESSES<br />
SESSION 1 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
NATURAL AND<br />
SPIRITUAL<br />
DEVELOPMENT,<br />
INTRODUCTION AND<br />
PERSONAL EXAMPLE<br />
ERIK ERICKSON’S<br />
THEORY OF PSYCHO-<br />
SOCIAL<br />
DEVELOPMENT.<br />
INTRODUCTION AND<br />
STAGES 1-4<br />
JAMES FOWLER'S<br />
FAITH DEVELOPMENT,<br />
INTRODUCTION AND<br />
OVERVIEW<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 2 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SELF REFLECTION<br />
AND GROUP WORK:<br />
MY RIPENING<br />
PROCESS FROM<br />
CHILDHOOD TO<br />
ADULTHOOD.<br />
SELF REFLECTION AND<br />
GROUP WORK:<br />
MY OWN<br />
DEVELOPMENT<br />
THROUGH THE STAGES<br />
1-4 BY A<br />
DEMONSTRATION<br />
SELF REFLECTION<br />
AND GROUP WORK:<br />
HOW DID MY FAITH<br />
DEVELOP UNTIL<br />
NOW?<br />
SESSION 3 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
HOWARD GARDNER'S<br />
THEORY OF MULTIPLE<br />
INTELLIGENCES AND<br />
ME<br />
ERIK ERICKSON’S<br />
THEORY OF PSYCHO-<br />
SOCIAL<br />
DEVELOPMENT,<br />
STAGES 5-8<br />
SELF REFLECTION<br />
AND GROUP WORK:<br />
WHAT ARE THE NEXT<br />
STEPS IN THE<br />
DEVELOPMENT OF MY<br />
FAITH ACCORDING TO<br />
FOWLER?<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
WORK OF JEAN<br />
PIAGET AND<br />
LAWRENCE<br />
KOHLBERG'S STAGES<br />
OF MORAL<br />
DEVELOPMENT AND<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
SELF REFLECTION AND<br />
GROUP WORK:<br />
MY OWN<br />
DEVELOPMENT<br />
THROUGH THE STAGES<br />
5-UNTIL NOW AND MY<br />
EXPECTATIONS FOR<br />
THE FUTURE STAGES<br />
BY A DEMONSTRATION<br />
QUESTION AND<br />
ANSWER OR OPEN<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
SESSION AND<br />
EVALUATION<br />
98
LEVEL1 UNIT 10 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1<br />
TOPIC: INTRODUCTION AND STAGES 1 TO 4 OF PSYCHO-SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT<br />
BY ERIK ERICKSON’S THEORY<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To introduce the stages of psycho-social development by Erik Erickson’s theory<br />
to the learner<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To study the stages from one to four of psychosocial development by Erik.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> We will study the stages from one to four by Erik in the third session.<br />
4. To become knowledgeable about the various stages of psycho social<br />
development so as the counselee will have realistic expectations and<br />
meaningful learning experiences in life in oneself and in others.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 30 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> All could share in groups of three members their self evaluation<br />
regarding the heard input on psychosocial development with<br />
personal example.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> For your better sharing you could tell about your development in the<br />
first four stages generally. Then compare it with the result or failure,<br />
and crisis in various stages developed by Erik.<br />
30 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: ERIK ERICKSON’S THEORY ON PSYCHO-SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT<br />
INTRODUCTION: RELATING TO OTHERS<br />
God intended for human beings to be in relationship with one another. For this, Adam was given his<br />
companion, Eve. With the divine command to increase and multiply, Adam and Eve were to live in<br />
community. Understanding how people grow in their ability to relate to others and live in community is<br />
an important part of growing in faith. Erik Erikson's theory of psycho-social development is an important<br />
step in that understanding.<br />
Erik Erikson's Theory of Psycho-Social Development<br />
Erik Erikson's work presents us with a model of psycho-social growth as it develops throughout the life<br />
cycle. Erikson developed his theory in the 1950's with eight stages of sequential growth.<br />
He described these stages beginning with a challenge created both by the individual's physical growth<br />
and his interaction with the world around him. Each challenge successfully met would lead to the<br />
development of a virtue important to human growth, becoming the strength of the next stage. A<br />
challenge met unsuccessfully can become the liability or weakness of the next stage.<br />
EXAMPLE: An adolescent faces the challenge of discovering his own unique identity, come to a sense<br />
of self. It is a time of probing, and anxious self-reflection. If the adolescent cannot meet this life passage<br />
well, often he/she will experience what Erikson called an identity crisis. If a sound sense of self is not<br />
developed at this stage, the ability to move confidently to later stages with challenges of forming<br />
intimate relationships, generative care for others will be impaired.<br />
The stages in Erikson's theory show a pattern of development that begins at birth, and continues<br />
99
throughout life as a person matures. None of the stages is a destination in and of itself; rather, it is a<br />
passage as growth continues. Erikson believes that even if the challenge of one stage is successfully<br />
met, one never experiences its fullness. Individuals may continue to deepen and widen the experience<br />
of each stage, supporting the Biblical vision that humans like Christ continue to grow in wisdom, age,<br />
and grace (Luke 2:52)<br />
Stages of Development<br />
Stage Name and age range Psychosocial crisis Hoped-for result<br />
1 Infancy Birth to <strong>1.</strong>5 years Trust versus mistrust Hope<br />
2 Early childhood <strong>1.</strong>5 to 3<br />
years<br />
Autonomy versus shame, doubt<br />
Will<br />
3 Play age 3 to 5 years Initiative versus guilt Purpose<br />
4 School age 5 to 12 years Industry versus inferiority Competence<br />
5 Adolescence 12 to 18 years Identity and repudiation versus<br />
identity confusion<br />
Fidelity<br />
6 Young adulthood 18 to 25<br />
years<br />
Intimacy and solidarity versus<br />
isolation<br />
Love<br />
7 Maturity 25 to 65 years Generative versus self absorption<br />
and stagnation<br />
Care<br />
8 Old age 65+ years Integrity versus despair Wisdom<br />
100
Details of the Stages of Development form Richard Niolon, Ph.D.<br />
stage Psychosocial Crisis Age Hoped for<br />
Result<br />
1 Basic Trust vs.<br />
Mistrust<br />
Result after Failing<br />
0-1 Hope Dependency or Paranoia<br />
<br />
<br />
When the parents present consistent, adequate, and nurturing care, the child develops<br />
basic trust and realizes that people are dependable and the world can be a safe place. The<br />
child develops a sense of hope and confidence; this is a belief that things will work out well<br />
in the end<br />
when the parents fail to provide these things, the child develops basic mistrust, resulting in<br />
depression, withdrawal, and maybe even paranoia<br />
2 Autonomy vs. Shame<br />
& Doubt<br />
<br />
<br />
2-3 Will Obsessive/Impulsive or Avoidant<br />
If parents guide children gradually and firmly, praise and accept attempts to be independent,<br />
autonomy develops. The result will be a sense of will which helps us accomplish and build<br />
self-esteem as children and adults<br />
If parents are too permissive, harsh, or demanding, the child can feel defeated, and<br />
experience extreme shame and doubt, and grow up to engage in neurotic attempts to<br />
regain feelings of control, power, and competency. This may take the form of obsessive<br />
behaviour; if you follow all rules exactly then you will never be ashamed again. If the child is<br />
given no limits or guidance, the child can fail to gain any shame or doubt and be impulsive.<br />
Some is good, as it causes us to question the outcome of our actions, and consider others'<br />
well-being. This may also result in Avoidance; if you never allow yourself to be close to<br />
others, they can never make you feel ashamed<br />
3 Initiative vs. Guilt 4-5 Purpose Constricted or Antisocial/Narcissistic<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
The child becomes curious about people and models adults. Erickson believed the child<br />
does attempt to possess the opposite sex parent and experience rivalry toward the same<br />
sex parent; however, a true Oedipal Complex only develops in very severe cases<br />
if parents are understanding and supportive of a child's efforts to show initiative, the child<br />
develops purpose, and sets goals and acts in ways to reach them<br />
if children are punished for attempts to show initiative, they are likely to develop a sense of<br />
guilt, which in excess can lead to inhibition. Too much purpose and no guilt can lead to<br />
ruthlessness; the person may achieve their goals without caring who they step on in the<br />
process<br />
4 Industry vs. Inferiority 6-12 Competency Helplessness or Shallowness<br />
101
Occurs during Latency, but Erickson did not think this was a rest period; the child begins<br />
school and must tame imagination and impulses, and please others. If adults support the<br />
child's efforts, a sense of competence develops<br />
If caretakers do not support the child, feelings of inferiority are likely to develop. Too much<br />
inferiority, and inertia or helplessness occurs (underachievers). Too much competency and<br />
the child becomes an adult too fast, and develops either into a Histrionic or Shallow person<br />
One way to divide Erikson's stages is into two groups of four -- the first four have to do with figuring out<br />
the world, the last four with figuring out yourself<br />
5 Identity vs. Role<br />
Confusion<br />
13-<br />
19<br />
Fidelity<br />
Identity Diffusion or Fanaticism<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Young adults attempt to develop identity and ideas about strengths, weaknesses, goals,<br />
occupations, sexual identity, and gender roles. Teens "try on" different identities, going<br />
through an identity crisis, and use their friends to reflect back to them. Marcia offers four<br />
resolutions: Identity Achievement (crises and commitment), Moratorium (crises and<br />
commitment later), Foreclosure (commitment without crises), and Identity Diffusion (no<br />
crises, no commitment)<br />
if they resolve this crisis, they develop fidelity, "the ability to sustain loyalties freely pledged<br />
in spite of the inevitable contradictions of value systems" (can be friends with very different<br />
people)<br />
if they fail to resolve the crisis, they develop identity diffusion; their sense of self is<br />
unstable and threatened; too little identity and they may join cults or hate groups, too much<br />
identity and they may show fanaticism<br />
6 Intimacy vs. Isolation 20-<br />
24<br />
Love<br />
Promiscuity or Exclusion<br />
<br />
Intimacy is the ability to be close, loving, and vulnerable with romances and friends. It is<br />
based in part upon identity development, in that you have to know yourself to share it. The<br />
virtue gained here is love. Failure to develop intimacy can lead to promiscuity (getting too<br />
close too quick and not sustaining it), or exclusion (rejecting relationships and those who<br />
have them<br />
7 Generativity vs.<br />
Stagnation<br />
25-<br />
64<br />
Care<br />
Stagnation or Overextension<br />
<br />
<br />
if you have a strong sense of creativity, success, and of having "made a mark" you develop<br />
generativity, and are concerned with the next generation; the virtue is called care, and<br />
represents connection to generations to come, and a love given without expectations of a<br />
specific return<br />
adults that do not feel this develop a sense of stagnation, are self-absorbed, feel little<br />
connection to others, and generally offer little to society; too much stagnation can lead to<br />
rejectivity and a failure to feel any sense of meaning (the unresolved mid-life crises), and<br />
too much generativity leads to overextension (someone who has no time for themselves<br />
because they are so busy)<br />
102
8 Ego Integrity vs.<br />
Despair<br />
65-? Wisdom Presumption or Disdain<br />
<br />
<br />
This entails facing the ending of life, and accepting successes and failures, ageing, and loss.<br />
People develop ego integrity and accept their lives if they succeed, and develop a sense of<br />
wisdom a "detached concern with life itself in the face of death itself"<br />
those who do not feel a sense of despair and dread their death; it's too late to change their<br />
lives (Ebenezer Scrooge just managed to avoid it) Too much wisdom leads to presumption,<br />
too much despair to a disdain for life<br />
Source: http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/person/erikson.html Author : Richard Niolon, Ph.D.<br />
Practical Insights for counsellors<br />
• Awareness of life cycles helps you understand the needs of your counselees.<br />
• Counselling issues that are sensitive to the needs of the learners will lead them in the path to<br />
discipleship and stewardship. In helping, them we also advance in our own spiritual journey.<br />
Becoming aware of the world around us moves us to a growing concern and care for others.<br />
The task of the counsellor is to foster awareness to care for all God's creation, which is Jesus'<br />
invitation to all his followers.<br />
• Each age of our lives holds the potential for religious conversion. Through God's grace, we are<br />
given the opportunity to turn each crises of human life into a moment of growth.<br />
• As counsel, you mediate and facilitate God's in breaking at opportune times in the faith journeys<br />
of your learners.<br />
Discussion & Application:<br />
Which stages will describe most of your counselees? What are the most important issues for<br />
younger students? For adolescents and teens?<br />
Interacting with others is a primary method by which we draw meaning from what we know.<br />
Describe a time when you have gained insight through interacting with others.<br />
How about you? How did you got through the different stages? What stage was successfully done?<br />
What stage left you with some weaknesses? How could you work on that?<br />
103
LEVEL 1 UNIT10 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC: SELF REFLECTION AND GROUP WORK:<br />
MY OWN DEVELOPMENT THROUGH THE STAGES 1-4<br />
BY A DEMONSTRATION<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To see a guided self reflection session in which the development and struggles<br />
within the first four stages will be explored.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To realise the psychosocial changes in your age between the birth to<br />
12 years old through your personal examples in your life.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Realise the need of getting counselling and giving counselling in the period of<br />
psychosocial development in ones life.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Trainer can be leader, any student can do the self reflection, and the others<br />
can be observers.<br />
• The leader will lead through the reflection of the first four stages with<br />
questions.<br />
• The goal of the session will be to find out the success and the failings<br />
done during the first 12 years in the light of development made by Erik<br />
Erickson.<br />
40 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Plenary for feedback session to collate ideas. 20 Minutes<br />
104
LEVEL 1 UNIT10 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
TOPIC: STAGES 5 TO 8 OF PSYCHO-SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT<br />
BY ERIK ERICKSON’S THEORY.<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To learn the stages from five to eight of psycho-social development by<br />
Erik Erickson’s theory to the learner<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To become knowledgeable about the various stages of psycho social<br />
development so as the counselee will have realistic expectations and<br />
meaningful learning experiences in life in oneself and in others.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 30 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> All could share in groups of three members their self evaluation<br />
regarding the input on psychosocial development with<br />
personal example.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> For your better sharing you could tell about your development in the<br />
stages five and more generally. Then compare it with the result or failure,<br />
and crisis in various stages developed by Erik.<br />
30 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
STAGES 5 TO 8 OF PSYCHO-SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT BY ERIK ERICKSON’S THEORY.<br />
NB: THE NOTES ARE GIVEN IN THE SESSION 1<br />
105
LEVEL 1 UNIT10 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
SELF REFLECTION AND GROUP WORK:<br />
MY OWN DEVELOPMENT THROUGH THE STAGES 5-UNTIL NOW<br />
AND MY EXPECTATIONS FOR THE FUTURE STAGES BY A DEMONSTRATION<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To see a guided self reflection session in which the development and struggles<br />
within the age of above 13 years.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To realise the psychosocial changes in your age above 13 years old through<br />
your personal examples in your life.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Realise the need of getting counselling and giving counselling in the period of<br />
psychosocial development in ones life.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Trainer can be leader, any student can do the self reflection, and the others<br />
can be observers.<br />
• The leader will lead through the reflection of the stages five and more with<br />
questions.<br />
• The goal of the session will be to find out the success and the failings<br />
done during the stages five and more in the light of development made<br />
by Erik Erickson.<br />
• Also a goal will be set to find out realistic expectations concerning the future<br />
development<br />
40 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Plenary for feedback session to collate ideas. 20 Minutes<br />
106
UNIT 11: LIFE CYCLES, THE PARADOX OF GROWTH AND RIPPING PROCESS 3<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 9- 11<br />
NATURAL AND SPITITUAL DEVELOPMENT<br />
UNIT 9 UNIT 10 UNIT 11<br />
LIFE CYCLES, THE PARADOX OF GROWTH, RIPPING PROCESSES<br />
SESSION 1 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
NATURAL AND<br />
SPIRITUAL<br />
DEVELOPMENT,<br />
INTRODUCTION AND<br />
PERSONAL EXAMPLE<br />
ERIK ERICKSON’S<br />
THEORY OF PSYCHO-<br />
SOCIAL<br />
DEVELOPMENT.<br />
INTRODUCTION AND<br />
STAGES 1-4<br />
JAMES FOWLER'S<br />
FAITH DEVELOPMENT,<br />
INTRODUCTION AND<br />
OVERVIEW<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 2 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SELF REFLECTION<br />
AND GROUP WORK:<br />
MY RIPENING<br />
PROCESS FROM<br />
CHILDHOOD TO<br />
ADULTHOOD.<br />
SELF REFLECTION AND<br />
GROUP WORK:<br />
MY OWN<br />
DEVELOPMENT<br />
THROUGH THE STAGES<br />
1-4 BY A<br />
DEMONSTRATION<br />
SELF REFLECTION<br />
AND GROUP WORK:<br />
HOW DID MY FAITH<br />
DEVELOP UNTIL<br />
NOW?<br />
SESSION 3 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
HOWARD GARDNER'S<br />
THEORY OF MULTIPLE<br />
INTELLIGENCES AND<br />
ME<br />
ERIK ERICKSON’S<br />
THEORY OF PSYCHO-<br />
SOCIAL<br />
DEVELOPMENT,<br />
STAGES 5-8<br />
SELF REFLECTION<br />
AND GROUP WORK:<br />
WHAT ARE THE NEXT<br />
STEPS IN THE<br />
DEVELOPMENT OF MY<br />
FAITH ACCORDING TO<br />
FOWLER?<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
WORK OF JEAN<br />
PIAGET AND<br />
LAWRENCE<br />
KOHLBERG'S STAGES<br />
OF MORAL<br />
DEVELOPMENT AND<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
SELF REFLECTION AND<br />
GROUP WORK:<br />
MY OWN<br />
DEVELOPMENT<br />
THROUGH THE STAGES<br />
5-UNTIL NOW AND MY<br />
EXPECTATIONS FOR<br />
THE FUTURE STAGES<br />
BY A DEMONSTRATION<br />
QUESTION AND<br />
ANSWER OR OPEN<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
SESSION AND<br />
EVALUATION<br />
107
LEVEL1 UNIT 11 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1<br />
TOPIC: INTRODUCTION AND OVERVIEW<br />
ON FAITH DEVELOPMENT BY JAMES FOWLER<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To introduce the stages of faith development in a person by James Fowler.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To know the transition of faith level from one to another developing<br />
Stage in a person.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> To become knowledgeable about the various stages of faith development<br />
so as the counselee will have realistic expectations and meaningful learning<br />
experiences in life in oneself and in others.<br />
108<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 40 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> During the teaching the students try to evaluate their own stage of faith and<br />
how it developed<br />
<strong>3.</strong> All could share in groups of three members their self evaluation<br />
regarding the heard input on faith development with personal example.<br />
20 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: FAITH DEVELOPMENT BY JAMES FOWLER<br />
INTRODUCTION: Growing in Faith<br />
We have looked at how humans develop in their cognitive, psycho-social, and moral thinking and doing<br />
skills. We also grow in the way we perceive and express our faith. Human growth in all of its aspects,<br />
physical, emotional, and intellectual, offers avenues to deepen our relationship with God.<br />
James Fowler's work offers us valuable insights into the idea of faith development. His work along with<br />
other theorists reflects a movement from dependence and imitation, to growing independence as a<br />
person grows into discipleship and stewardship.<br />
Movement through the stages of faith development is affected by one's cognitive, psychosocial and<br />
moral growth. Each stage is real and authentic, and each invites the person to holiness.<br />
Fowler believes that each person is endowed at birth with the gift of faith, the potential to have faith in<br />
someone or something. For us it is religious faith. The goal of Christian Education is to encourage the<br />
person to grow in faith in the One true God revealed to us through Jesus Christ.<br />
Fowler's work is built on the works of Piaget, and Kohlberg, with whom he studied. His stages describe<br />
a faith that evolves from birth through adult life. Each stage describes how we look at our relationship<br />
with God.<br />
Undifferentiated, or Pre-stage<br />
The state of primal faith begins in infancy. The child develops the basic trust that one's caregivers and<br />
the world are reliable. This serves as the foundation for all the other stages. If this opportunity is lost, it<br />
can later be gained, but with much difficulty.<br />
Intuitive-Projective faith<br />
This is the stage of imaginative faith, the state most common in early childhood, faith that is stimulated<br />
by stories, gestures, and symbols. The child is not yet controlled by logical thinking. Lasting images of<br />
God can be formed influenced by stories, and attitudes the child can learn from parents and others<br />
around him.
The material below is printed by permission. It is compiled by Bill Alphin in “Key Elements of Discipleship Development”, April<br />
24, 2007, and based on the work of Jame s Fowler as it is described in the LEAD book Faith Passages and Patterns by<br />
Thomas A. Droege (Philadelphia, Fortress Press, 1983<br />
Factors which affect this expression of<br />
faith<br />
Implications:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Remember random segments of stories. <strong>1.</strong> Tell simple, single-focused stories.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Cannot always distinguish fact from fantasy. <strong>2.</strong> Listen carefully to detect points of confusion.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Lack abstract reasoning skills. <strong>3.</strong> Don’t teach abstract ideas that will be misunderstood<br />
and will need to be unlearned later.<br />
4. Are fragile and have limits. 4. Know and respect their abilities and limits.<br />
5. Trust adults, usually. 5. Don’t take advantage of their trust by over-teaching.<br />
6. View God as a friend to be talked to. 6. Seek opportunities for spontaneous free prayer to<br />
God.<br />
7. Learn best through actions of others (more<br />
so than words.)<br />
7. Exemplify God’s love and acceptance.<br />
Mythic-Literal Faith<br />
The concrete faith of the school-aged child is characterized by a realistic outlook and an appreciation of<br />
narrative, as the child tries to make sense of the world. On the cognitive level, the child begins to sort<br />
out what is real, and what is magical or make believe. On the relational side child is able to move<br />
beyond his/her own concern and take on the perspective of others. Storytelling helps children make<br />
sense of things as they work to find their own place in the great story of salvation.<br />
Factors which affect this expression of faith<br />
Implications:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Tend to seek justice and revenge (Old Testament<br />
stories are popular).<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Tell stories that present a positive image of<br />
God’s action.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Attracted by law more than gospel. <strong>2.</strong> Present carefully concepts like forgiveness,<br />
stewardship, and concern for others who are not<br />
present.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Lack the ability to reflect on the spiritual meanings<br />
of stories; tend to understand only the literal story<br />
line.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Choose stories that have clear messages;<br />
avoid adding moralisms.<br />
4. Look to others as models of Christian behaviour. 4. Tell stories about and invite people who do<br />
exemplary acts.<br />
5. Have a need to belong. 5. Involve them with many people of the parish.<br />
6. Tend to focus on God as a loving Father for their<br />
own personal lives.<br />
7. Are growing in awareness of the purpose of<br />
Jesus’ life.<br />
6. Provide opportunities for prayer, private<br />
devotions, and worship.<br />
7. Teach carefully the distinction between God in<br />
general and Jesus in particular.<br />
109
Synthetic-Conventional Faith<br />
Capability to think abstractly opens possibilities to look at faith in a new and profound way. The<br />
adolescent begins to see relationships among various parts of the faith story. Synthetic here means<br />
that everything is ordered according to some plan. The authority of believing adults becomes very<br />
important at this stage. The adolescent will accept and agree to what everyone else accepts, and will<br />
conform to the opinions of those whom he/she respects, especially peers. This is why the term<br />
conventional is used. As trusted authority figures and peers mirror to the adolescent what he/she<br />
chooses to believe and value, the faith identity of the young adolescent gradually is being formed. This<br />
stage may come to full development as early as age 17 or 18, or it may extend well into adulthood.<br />
Some adults may never grow out of this stage.<br />
Factors which affect this expression of<br />
Implications:<br />
faith<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Can begin to think abstractly. <strong>1.</strong> Encourage their developing ability to questions and<br />
think for themselves.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Desire organized patterns of thinking. <strong>2.</strong> Provide increasingly complex ideas to fit their<br />
expanding world.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Have a quest for religious knowledge. <strong>3.</strong> Recognize their growing understanding of God as a<br />
personal friend and adviser.<br />
4. Can articulate what they have been taught,<br />
but are not able to develop their own point of<br />
view.<br />
4. Help them feel good about what they know. Use<br />
factual information and encourage the expression of<br />
opinions.<br />
5. Need acceptance and self-esteem. 5. Affirm and encourage them as individuals and stress<br />
God’s grace.<br />
6. Look for identify from others; peers are<br />
important.<br />
6. Give special attention to relationship building. Use<br />
group oriented teaching styles such as teamwork,<br />
projects, and so forth.<br />
7. Have strong feelings of trust. 7. Encourage their prayer and devotional life.<br />
8. Are easily indoctrinated. 8. Don’t take advantage of their willingness to rely on<br />
authorities.<br />
9. Express your own Christian witness and faith<br />
experiences. Help them see the faith experience of<br />
other Christians.<br />
Individuative-Reflective Faith<br />
Young adults can relocate the source of authority from outside to inside themselves. They begin to<br />
reflect critically on their own beliefs. For the first time they may have a sense that their faith is owned by<br />
them. In this stage the young adult will need to ask hard questions, and deal with the conflicts that may<br />
have arisen from the contradictory expectations and demand of the various groups of authority in<br />
his/her life. This is the stage at which great study may be required as one appropriates the faith<br />
accepted in the previous stage.<br />
110
Factors which affect this expression of faith<br />
Factors which affect this<br />
expression of faith<br />
Implications:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Establish a personal identity. <strong>1.</strong> Recognize that traditional values and ideas may be rejected.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Seek independence. <strong>2.</strong> Encourage their personal reflective thinking.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Trust their own intellectual<br />
ability.<br />
4. Are concerned about<br />
individuality.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Listen to the challenges, questions, and ideas, which come in<br />
searching for a personal expression of faith.<br />
4. Affirm, accept, and support them as individuals.<br />
5. Like to debate or argue points of<br />
conviction.<br />
6. Are confronted by conflicting<br />
authorities.<br />
5. Use group processes which encourage personal reflection,<br />
challenging and questioning one another, comparing and<br />
contrasting information, and sharing ideas.<br />
6. Help them think about their faith and sort through the various<br />
messages they receive.<br />
7. Engage in objective reflection. 7. Present a wide range of topics and issues, and encourage<br />
dialogue.<br />
Conjunctive Faith<br />
8. Express your own Christian witness in open and non-judgmental<br />
ways.<br />
In mid-life or beyond, adults become increasingly reflective, and will eventually confront the paradoxes<br />
of life and faith and learn to live within them. They will learn that not every question has an attainable<br />
answer, and there is wisdom and sometimes joy in the questions themselves.<br />
111
Factors which affect this expression of faith<br />
Implications:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Seek interchange with others. <strong>1.</strong> Be prepared for questions, which explore the<br />
paradoxes and tensions of faith.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Have confidence in own positions and<br />
convictions.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Encourage reflective sharing of personal faith-life<br />
stories, including defeats and commitments.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Are non-judgemental. <strong>3.</strong> Encourage “critical” questions about inherited<br />
traditions, symbols of faith, and so forth.<br />
4. Search for meanings and revelation in such<br />
things as symbols, rituals, and life experiences.<br />
4. Invite struggle with mid-life issues of shattered<br />
dreams, limits and possibilities of vocation.<br />
5. Can compare and contrast experiences. 5. Affirm dialogical encounter with issues of ministry<br />
in the world.<br />
6. Provide opportunities for self-directed learning and<br />
affirmation of searching.<br />
7. Involve counselees in selecting curriculum based<br />
on their expressed needs.<br />
8. Affirm and encourage counselees to take<br />
responsible roles according to their strengths.<br />
Universalizing Faith<br />
As a person continues to grow in wisdom and grace, through study, prayer and reflection, increasingly<br />
he/she approaches a feeling of oneness with God. The vision of these individuals and their commitment<br />
leads them to spend themselves in love, and devote themselves to overcoming division, violence, and<br />
oppression, conditions that separate us from the love of God.<br />
Factors which affect this expression of faith Implications:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Have a vision, which is not limited. <strong>1.</strong> Encourage counselees to take responsible roles<br />
according to their strengths.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Are concerned for all of humanity. <strong>2.</strong> Invite the challenge and risk of commitment to<br />
new directions of faith and life.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Have a world view which includes examination<br />
of issues based on what is the good for all.<br />
4. Live lives committed to transforming and<br />
unifying the world.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Facilitate intellectual efforts toward purposeful<br />
ministry.<br />
4. Expect curriculum to be all of life and chosen by<br />
participants.<br />
5. Provide assistance for self-directed learning and<br />
sharing.<br />
6. Facilitate ministry and sharing with others.<br />
112
KEY CONCEPTS AND ASSUMPTIONS IN FOWLER’S THEORY<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Faith Development defined by movement through a series of stages<br />
each stage is structure whole<br />
you must go through each stage<br />
stages build on one another, there is a hierarchical sequence<br />
you have to be fully in one stage before moving to another<br />
when in crisis we tend to revert back to former stage<br />
higher is better<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Fowler brings knowing and feeling together<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Focus is on how beliefs and values come to be important; not on what those beliefs are.<br />
4. Faith, as Fowler defines it, is<br />
our search for meaning<br />
universal feature of human living despite a wide variety of forms and practices<br />
an active, ongoing process, an orientation of the whole persons, giving purpose and goal to<br />
one’s hopes and striving, thoughts and action<br />
forms a way of seeing and valuing our everyday life in relations to “the Kingdom of God”<br />
5. Thus, faith describes<br />
how people become aware of their relationship to self, others and the transcendent and<br />
how people make meaning out of and commitments based on what they have become aware<br />
of.<br />
Bill Alphin, “Key Elements of Discipleship Development”, April 24, 2007<br />
Discussion & Application:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> How did you move from a faith given by others to a faith of your own?<br />
<strong>2.</strong> What are some of the spiritual challenges your students will face as they move from one stage to<br />
another?<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Discuss implications of Fowler's stages for curriculum development and for teacher training.<br />
Conclusion<br />
Faith is about believing: it combines understanding, knowing, with feeling and relating. It is also about<br />
acting and doing. Christian educators address all these dimensions. It is necessary to see the<br />
relationship between knowing, feeling/relating, and doing.<br />
We must not reduce faith to only knowing about God, rather than having a relationship with God. For<br />
ancient Hebrews the word for "knowing about' 'had to do with heart knowledge, it implied intimacy,<br />
commitment.<br />
There is also a danger in reducing faith to a nice feeling that is not rooted in commitment and action.<br />
"Those who do not love a brother or sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have<br />
not seen.” 1 John 4:20<br />
As valuable as they are, none of these theories can tell us everything about faith development or can<br />
guarantee a particular result, because there are too many variables in culture, family, and in the<br />
community to give us the promise of a predetermined outcome of the faith journey. We return once<br />
again to the mystery of God's love, and as catechists must remember the words of St. Paul.<br />
1 Corinthians 3:6-7<br />
"I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is<br />
anything but only God who gives the growth. “<br />
Ephesians 2: 1 - 7<br />
<strong>1.</strong> As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins,<br />
113
2 in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of<br />
the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient.<br />
3 All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following<br />
its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath.<br />
4 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy,<br />
5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-- it is by grace you have been<br />
saved.<br />
6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus,<br />
7 In order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his<br />
kindness to us in Christ Jesus.<br />
Source:<br />
http://www.vbmb.org/Resources/Sunday-School/media/PDFs/Beyond_Key-Elements-Of-Discipleship-Development.pdf<br />
114
LEVEL 1 UNIT 11 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
TOPIC: SELF REFLECTION AND GROUP WORK: HOW DID MY FAITH<br />
DEVELOP UNTIL NOW?<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To see a guided self reflection through a panel session in which the<br />
development and struggles within ones faith development.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To become knowledgeable about journey of faith development and its<br />
responsibility so as the counselee and counsellor will have realistic<br />
expectations and meaningful learning experiences in life in oneself and in others.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Four trainees can sit in a panel session.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> They can share their personal faith development over the years in<br />
10 Minutes. 40 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Trainer can be the moderator.<br />
4. All the audience can ask any question related faith and its development. 15 Minutes<br />
5. Time for moderator to wind up the session by collating ideas. 5 Minutes<br />
115
LEVEL 1 UNIT 11 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
TOPIC: SELF REFLECTION AND GROUP WORK:<br />
WHAT ARE THE NEXT STEPS IN THE DEVELOPMENT<br />
OF MY FAITH ACCORDING TO FOWLER?<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To learn the transition from lower steps to higher steps in the faith<br />
development in ones life.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To become knowledgeable about journey of faith development and its<br />
responsibility so as the counselee and counsellor will have realistic<br />
expectations and meaningful learning experiences in life in oneself and in others.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> All members are divided into groups of three to four members for a sharing<br />
session.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> In groups, all can share about their experience from synthetic-conventional<br />
faith to individuative-reflective faith with their personal stories.<br />
They could include their successful and unsuccessful steps in faith<br />
development between the said two stages.<br />
They could also share how could they hep a counselee to take successful<br />
<br />
steps of transition between the said two stages.<br />
In addition, they could point out from their experiences the possible pitfalls<br />
and roadblocks between the said stages.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Finally a plenary for integrating ideas for growth process in faith<br />
development.<br />
40 Minutes<br />
20 Minutes<br />
116
LEVEL 1 UNIT11 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
TOPIC: COUNSELLNG SESSION AND EVALUATION WITH QUESTION AND ANSWER<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To learn to handle one’s faith development and its struggles in a<br />
counselling session.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To become knowledgeable about journey of faith development and its<br />
responsibility so as the counselee and counsellor will have realistic<br />
expectations and meaningful learning experiences in life in oneself and in others.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> All in a group of three members, one can be counsellor, another can be counselee<br />
and the third can be observer.<br />
One counselling session could be done relating faith development<br />
problem.<br />
The goal of the session will be to find out the success and the failings<br />
during the faith development concerning the problem in counselling<br />
session<br />
Also a goal will be to find out the counselee’s realistic expectations<br />
concerning the future development<br />
30 Minutes<br />
observer time to give feedback 10 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Plenary for evaluation with question and answer. 20 Minutes<br />
117
LEVEL 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
READING ASSESSMENT:<br />
UNITS 9- 11 NATURAL AND SPITITUAL DEVELOPMENT<br />
Summary of the unit in your words:<br />
Write and list out the main ideas you find through out the reading materials of this particular unit.<br />
<strong>1.</strong><br />
<strong>2.</strong><br />
<strong>3.</strong><br />
4.<br />
Description of the Central idea in the unit:<br />
Identify the most important idea(s) of the unit<br />
Flow chart of the unit:<br />
You can visualize and draw the main ideas in a diagrammatic manner as they appear to your mind.<br />
My view of counselling and life advancement on the unit:<br />
Reflect through your own counselling and life advancement. What new challenges would you welcome<br />
to improve your life and counselling?<br />
118
UNITS 12 – 14: FAMILY CONSTELLATION AND GENOGRAM<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 12- 14<br />
FAMILY CONSTELLATION AND GENOGRAM<br />
UNIT 12 UNIT 13 UNIT 14<br />
HOW TO DRAW A<br />
GENOGRAM<br />
CLUSTERS: GROUPS<br />
AND EXCLUSION,<br />
CONNECT<br />
SYMPTOMS WITH<br />
FAMILY CLUSTERS,<br />
TRIANGULATION<br />
SESSION 1 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
BREAK MINIMUM<br />
5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 2 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
GENOGRAM 1 :<br />
INTRODUCTION TO<br />
GENOGRAM WITH<br />
THE FLOW OF<br />
BLESSINGS AND<br />
CURSES<br />
GENOGRAM 2 :<br />
HOW TO DRAW MY<br />
FAMILY’S<br />
GENOGRAM<br />
GENOGRAM 5:<br />
INTRODUCTION<br />
TO SIBILING<br />
CONSTELLATION<br />
AND FIVE POSITIONS<br />
GENOGRAM 6 :<br />
ONLY CHILD AND<br />
OLDEST CHILD AND<br />
SECOND CHILD WITH<br />
EXERCISE<br />
GAMES AND<br />
SCRIPT 1: SCRIPT<br />
GAMES AND<br />
SCRIPT 2: GAMES<br />
BREAK MINIMUM<br />
5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 3 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
GENOGRAM 3 :<br />
THE COUNSELLING<br />
VALUE OF<br />
GENOGRAM<br />
GENOGRAM 7 :<br />
MIDDLE AND<br />
YOUNGEST CHILD,<br />
CONFLICTS AND<br />
EXERCISE<br />
GAMES AND<br />
SCRIPT 3: HOW TO<br />
COME OUT OF<br />
DRAMA TRIANGLE<br />
BREAK MINIMUM<br />
5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
GENOGRAM 4 :<br />
THE CONNECTION<br />
OF MY ACTUAL<br />
PROBLEM AND MY<br />
GENOGRAM<br />
GENOGRAM 8 :<br />
WORK SHEET<br />
REGARDING<br />
ATMOSPHERE,<br />
POSITION AND MY<br />
ROLES IN MY<br />
ORIGINAL FAMILY<br />
GENOGRAM 9: THE<br />
DIVINE GRAPH OF<br />
GOD<br />
119
UNIT 12: HOW TO DRAW A GENOGRAM<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 12- 14<br />
FAMILY CONSTELLATION AND GENOGRAM<br />
UNIT 12 UNIT 13 UNIT 14<br />
HOW TO DRAW A<br />
GENOGRAM<br />
CLUSTERS: GROUPS<br />
AND EXCLUSION,<br />
CONNECT<br />
SYMPTOMS WITH<br />
FAMILY CLUSTERS,<br />
TRIANGULATION<br />
SESSION 1 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
BREAK MINIMUM<br />
5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 2 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
GENOGRAM 1 :<br />
INTRODUCTION TO<br />
GENOGRAM WITH<br />
THE FLOW OF<br />
BLESSINGS AND<br />
CURSES<br />
GENOGRAM 2 :<br />
HOW TO DRAW MY<br />
FAMILY’S<br />
GENOGRAM<br />
GENOGRAM 5:<br />
INTRODUCTION<br />
TO SIBILING<br />
CONSTELLATION<br />
AND FIVE POSITIONS<br />
GENOGRAM 6 :<br />
ONLY CHILD AND<br />
OLDEST CHILD AND<br />
SECOND CHILD WITH<br />
EXERCISE<br />
GAMES AND<br />
SCRIPT 1: SCRIPT<br />
GAMES AND<br />
SCRIPT 2: GAMES<br />
BREAK MINIMUM<br />
5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 3 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
GENOGRAM 3 :<br />
THE COUNSELLING<br />
VALUE OF<br />
GENOGRAM<br />
GENOGRAM 7 :<br />
MIDDLE AND<br />
YOUNGEST CHILD,<br />
CONFLICTS AND<br />
EXERCISE<br />
GAMES AND<br />
SCRIPT 3: HOW TO<br />
COME OUT OF<br />
DRAMA TRIANGLE<br />
BREAK MINIMUM<br />
5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
GENOGRAM 4 :<br />
THE CONNECTION<br />
OF MY ACTUAL<br />
PROBLEM AND MY<br />
GENOGRAM<br />
GENOGRAM 8 :<br />
WORK SHEET<br />
REGARDING<br />
ATMOSPHERE,<br />
POSITION AND MY<br />
ROLES IN MY<br />
ORIGINAL FAMILY<br />
GENOGRAM 9: THE<br />
DIVINE GRAPH OF<br />
GOD<br />
120
LEVEL 1 UNIT12 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1<br />
TOPIC: GENOGRAM 1: INTRODUCTION TO GENOGRAM<br />
WITH THE FLOW OF BLESSINGS AND CURSES<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To have an introduction about genogram<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To get an awareness on the passing of curses and blessings or strengths<br />
and weaknesses through parents to children through the generations over the years.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> To get an idea of family genogram through the sample of the genogram of<br />
trainer’s family or Schaban’s family.<br />
4. To have an overall idea on genorgram with the three various representing<br />
sketches on genogram.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Demonstrate and draw the trainer’s genogram or schaban’s and he explains<br />
the generational Influence in his life in terms of blessings and curses.<br />
40 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> During the teaching and demonstration the students try to evaluate their<br />
life in terms of genogram.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> All could share in groups of three members their self-evaluation<br />
regarding the heard input on genogram with personal example.<br />
TEACHING: GENOGRAM 1: INTRODUCTION TO GENOGRAM<br />
20 Minutes<br />
WITH THE FLOW OF BLESSINGS AND CURSES<br />
<strong>1.</strong> This session would really help you a theoretical input and a practical outlook regarding<br />
genogram. You can have a look at the picture, which you have of influence of generations,<br />
and the picture of passing on strengths and weaknesses and the genogram of schaban’s<br />
family.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Every person in a family is a part of the whole, which reaches out over generations through<br />
great grandparents, grandparents, parents, the focused person himself / herself, children,<br />
grandchildren and great-grandchildren.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> This is done not to blame or find fault with anybody alive or dead, rather it makes us to grip<br />
with underlying curses and blessings we have in the shape of strengths and weaknesses<br />
passing from parents to children over the generations.<br />
4. Nothing shapes a person more than the family and siblings with whom he grows up.<br />
5. Since I am a part of my family. I carry on many strengths and limitations of my family<br />
namely, hospitality / unfriendliness, service / damage, divine atmosphere / profane<br />
environment, supporting / opposing, learning / uneducated , sharing / grabbing, forgiving /<br />
intolerant, so on and so forth.<br />
121
Influence of Generations<br />
Every Generation starts with the<br />
heritage of the previous one!<br />
Grandchildren Great-grandchildren<br />
Children<br />
Grandparents PARENTS<br />
Great-grandparents<br />
Way of<br />
You<br />
Living<br />
0 25 50 75 100 125 150 175 200 225<br />
Years with respect to this generation<br />
Passing on strengths and weaknesses<br />
Receiving and giving<br />
blessings and/or curses<br />
Great-Grandparents<br />
Blessing<br />
Grandparents PARENTS Great-grandchildren<br />
Grandchildren<br />
Children<br />
You<br />
0 25 50 75 100 125 150 175 200 225<br />
Years with respect to this generation<br />
122
6. As I look into my family through genogram, I get my connections with my father and mother<br />
on curses and blessings. As my father and mother look into their parents (my grand<br />
parents) and family, they get their connections with their curses and blessings. So each one<br />
goes back further and further and getting roots of strengths and weaknesses through<br />
ancestry.<br />
7. So truly, I get connected with my lineage back through my parents and I pass them through<br />
lineage forward to my children.<br />
8. In the genogram diagram, we sketch out each member in my family with their strengths and<br />
weaknesses. We learn how to draw genorgram of my family in our practical session in the<br />
coming sessions. And in later sessions, we learn to draw genogram of two to three<br />
generation back in my family genorgram and we do counselling sessions with the help of<br />
genogram as well.<br />
9. Connecting with God and spiritual matters, experiencing with my own life and<br />
responsibilities, relating with other people and being accountable to them, and finally<br />
indisputable and verifying truth of codes and words relating the truth, love and justice put a<br />
large sum of impact in shaping and growing my personality with all colours or shades from<br />
my family and each member of its own and through out the generations over the years back<br />
and forth.<br />
10. God has some thing very special and unique matter to speak to us through genogram and<br />
let us listen to it earnestly. ( Exodus 20:1-6)<strong>1.</strong> And God spoke all these words: 2 "I am the<br />
LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt out of the land of slavery. 3 "You shall have<br />
no other gods before me. 4 "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything<br />
in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down<br />
to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the<br />
children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6<br />
but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my<br />
commandments.<br />
123
Example of Family “Schaban”:<br />
1954<br />
Family “Schaban"<br />
1979<br />
1900<br />
1993<br />
-8<br />
1942<br />
1928 1930<br />
1931<br />
1939<br />
1936<br />
1962<br />
1963<br />
1965 1967<br />
-3<br />
1986 1990<br />
1963<br />
1964<br />
-1<br />
-4<br />
1966<br />
js/Works/5-Gemde/3Lehre/Seminare/Therseel/Famkonst.ppt<br />
The problem of Mr. Schaban: emotional frailness, no self-confidence, rather slim, no handsome body,<br />
no chances with women, fearful, "women's strength attracts me".<br />
Always keep in mind the problem of the person under consideration!<br />
Some advice for individuals and for family as a whole:<br />
• Grandfather on his father's side was a worker on a collective farm, suffered from schizophrenia,<br />
and committed suicide.<br />
• Grandmother on his father's side was strong, capable and yet loving. She was the leader in their<br />
marriage.<br />
• Grandfather on his mother's side was a bookkeeper in a metal processing plant, rather frail and<br />
had a weak back.<br />
• Grandmother on his mother's side was rather dominating, healthy, full of life and also loving.<br />
• Mother, the youngest one in her family was spoiled as a child, poor in health and also emotionally<br />
fragile.<br />
• Father, the eldest in his family, is also rather weak and has psychosomatic pains (e.g. his back), yet<br />
he mostly got his own way.<br />
124
In this marriage there is a conflict between the sexes; the father had only one brother and understands<br />
his wife poorly. This is even worse since she was spoiled as a child.<br />
• The grandparents of the wife of Mr. Schaban: both grandmothers were dominating.<br />
• The father of his wife is - like the father of Mr. Schaban - somewhat legalistic.<br />
• The mother of his wife is also the youngest one like the mother of Mr. Schaban and the leader in her<br />
marriage<br />
• Mr. Schaban has the best relationships with his grandmother on his father's side and with his<br />
mother.<br />
• His wife has the best relationship with her mother and is still too dependent on her.<br />
• In their marriage they don't talk much with each other and they tend to favour the youngest child.<br />
Observations on the Family Tree:<br />
• More men than women have died<br />
• Women are stronger than men and more dominating<br />
• The men in Mr. Schaban's family understand women poorly (only has brothers)<br />
• In Mr. Schaban's marriage there seems to be a massive conflict between sexes and ranks.<br />
• The Schaban couple favour their youngest child since they both have a good relationship with their<br />
mothers who both were also the youngest ones because in both families the youngest son died early.<br />
• The family motto seems to be; "Women are stronger than men!"<br />
Regarding the problem and approaches to the solutions:<br />
Practically the whole problem is reflected in the family motto: there is a need for working at the<br />
conception of man and woman, taking of responsibility, and breaking – through prayer – the conviction<br />
that women are stronger than men. In their marriage they have to learn to communicate more with each<br />
other (to learn to express themselves) and to learn to understand the needs and habits of the other sex<br />
better. Perhaps they should read books about the opposite sex and exchange views with each other.<br />
They should learn to talk openly a about their conflict over ranks.<br />
125
LEVEL 1 UNIT 12 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
GENOGRAM 2: HOW TO DRAW MY FAMILY’S GENOGRAM<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To get in touch with the symbolic representation of possible situation in genogram<br />
with sketch sheet of symbolic representation you have (methodical proceedings)<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To demonstrate the sample of drawing the genogram of trainer’s family.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> To learn to draw genogram of your family with your grand parents, parents and<br />
siblings on a white paper.<br />
4. To know the strengths and weaknesses of your siblings and parents through<br />
genogram.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Trainer draws his genogram slowly one by one. At the same time all can<br />
draw his own genogram one by one. Trainer can also introduce them<br />
the symbolic representations needed.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> In group of three members counsellor can draw the genogram of counselee<br />
and the observer can observe it.<br />
30 Minutes<br />
30 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: HOW TO DRAW MY FAMILY’S GENOGRAM<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Here we learn to know strengths and weaknesses of my parents and my siblings too. In fact I carry<br />
on them with me over generations. The blessings of my parents and ancestors and also the<br />
consequences of the sins they have committed intentionally or unknowingly made influence in my<br />
life.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> It is very firm and strict choice from ours that we have no plan to blame or find fault with anybody,<br />
rather I come into grips with my strengths and weaknesses in a realistic and practical way to come<br />
out of the clutches of bondages and to give in to the prospects of freedom as well. We get on the<br />
spirit and teachings of Jesus. In (john 8:32), He says, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth<br />
will set you free."<br />
<strong>3.</strong> As we have already seen that a child is formed and brought up in a family, his parents, guardians<br />
and siblings have great role to play in his character formation and motivation priority in life really.<br />
4. On a white paper, we sketch out grand parents, parents and siblings particularly in the order of birth<br />
we sum up their influence and power on the referred person realistically and sensibly. We jot them<br />
down in a paper so that it would help you remember as and when needed. For drawing genogram,<br />
we get the idea of symbolic representation from the picture sheet of symbolic sketches we have<br />
with us. Build them all in a confidential way.<br />
5. In relation to God, through parents or elders, we might have got some mental pictures of him like;<br />
creator, judge, policeman, cruel punisher, forgiving father so on and so forth.<br />
126
6. Children get their self-image, through the reactions of authority figures as they are being with them<br />
in their work and activities. How parents make comments and do observation on them and their<br />
responsibilities would build up their self-picture in themselves very dynamically right from their<br />
childhood. In every child, there is a cry within that “React on me in a soft and encouraging way.<br />
That’s how I will learn it”.<br />
7. In relation to others, children get opportunities in interaction. In their innermost heart always<br />
expressed or unexpressed desire saying “spend time with me”, “encourage me”, “show me”,<br />
“nurture me”, “correct me”, “hold me accountable”, “play with me”. How people reacted to the child’s<br />
need marks vitally in his life.<br />
8. In relation to truth, love, and justice, every child learns values from home and surroundings.<br />
9. Meaning and purpose of life shapes in a child knowingly or unknowingly right from the childhood<br />
through out the course of his life.<br />
10. God has something special to talk to you through your own very concrete family and listen to it. The<br />
word of God speaks through Paul,(Act 17:26-27 ) From one man he made every nation of men, that<br />
they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places<br />
where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and<br />
find him, though he is not far from each one of us.<br />
127
46 - 87<br />
Male Female Date of birth Date of death<br />
Death =X<br />
Index Person (IP)<br />
Wedding date<br />
Husband left, wife right<br />
Unmarried couples<br />
H: 63 or love affairs<br />
78<br />
Separation of the married<br />
couple with date<br />
Divorce with date<br />
T: 70 S: 72<br />
Children in sequence,<br />
Oldest left<br />
72 74 78<br />
Adoptive or fosterchild<br />
Non-identical<br />
twins<br />
Identical<br />
twins<br />
Pregnancy<br />
3 months<br />
Miscarriage Abortion Still birth<br />
Members of the Index Patient‘s present household<br />
(Note any changes in custody)<br />
Genosymb.ppt<br />
128
FOUR STEPS TO CREATE A GENOGRAM<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Create a family tree with the most important dates over 3-4 generations<br />
<strong>2.</strong> After the family tree of three or four generations has been recorded and all the dates of life and<br />
death done, the interest is focussed on the generation of the grandparents and the siblings of the<br />
parents. There the questions are approximate:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> How was their marriage?<br />
<strong>2.</strong> What is to be noticed about illnesses, deaths, special professions or skills?<br />
<strong>3.</strong> With whom are the relationships especially good or bad?<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Then the interest is focussed on the nuclear family, the parents and the siblings. Normally I let the<br />
client describe different persons of the nuclear family and I ask:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Describe to me the different persons in your nuclear family.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> And tell me five points about how you experienced each one in your childhood.<br />
4. After this comes the general assessment<br />
<strong>1.</strong> What stands out?<br />
<strong>2.</strong> How are the marriages led?<br />
<strong>3.</strong> What are the role patterns (husband - wife)?<br />
4. How do they communicate and how do they resolve conflicts (conflict management)?<br />
5. How are the styles of bringing up children?<br />
6. Conclusion: How does my problem stand in relationship to what I have learned and experienced<br />
in my family?<br />
7. Use the available resources and the case studies.<br />
Conclusion:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> After the conclusion of four steps; the next counselling steps must be planned:<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Do the relationships between individual members need to be cleared up through a process of<br />
forgiveness?<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Is prayer for deliverance necessary (generation bondage)?<br />
4. Is it necessary to work at the sex roles or at one's own identity (who am I?)?<br />
5. Is there a need to recognise and put away negative roles I play?<br />
6. Is there a need for training in communication?<br />
7. Is there a need for activating resources out of the family heritage to deal with one's own problem?<br />
129
LEVEL 1 UNIT 12 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
TOPIC: GENOGRAM 3: THE COUNSELLING VALUE OF GENOGRAM<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know the counselling value of genogram and learn using it in counselling<br />
session you conduct.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To learn to know the root of the problem in counselling time<br />
<strong>3.</strong> To use drawn genogram of your family line up to 3 to 4 generations with<br />
your ancestors from father’s and mother’s side in genogram on a white<br />
paper in the previous generation.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Trainer does teaching on the counselling value on genogram. 15 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> In groups, all can share the connection between Schaban’s problem<br />
and his genogram in view of counselling value (Schaban see session 1).<br />
20 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Then all can fill up the work sheet regarding one problem analysed with the<br />
help of genogram<br />
25 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: THE COUNSELLING VALUE OF GENOGRAM<br />
<strong>1.</strong> We study the counselling value of genogram for using it in counselling session. We also learn to link<br />
actual problem and his genogram with specific details. As a preparation for these, you would make<br />
as well your genogram up to 3 to 4 generations in the practical session.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> The problem of a person has always something to do with his lifestyle, with his self-image, his<br />
conception of others and of the world.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> When we do not understand the lifestyle of a person, we understand too little of his problem. Then<br />
counsellors run the danger of giving superficial or false advice and so do not take the counterpart<br />
seriously at all.<br />
4. For example, if a person is afraid of a punishing God, there are always unresolved experiences of<br />
punishment in his childhood. These experiences must be cleared up and then also his picture of<br />
God will experience correction or at least the way will be free for a correction.<br />
5. We gather information from the counselee with the genogram on the predominant style of bringing<br />
up the children and the experienced family atmosphere. All members of the family setting like<br />
parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and their prominent personality data.<br />
6. Wholeness of the family or the special features, such as the death of someone, illnesses,<br />
hospitalisations, divorce, concubine, stepparents, foster family or children's home are noted down.<br />
Further important persons to whom the child relates most closely and their influence as well would<br />
be taken into account well.<br />
7. Working out the family and sibling constellation the counsellor helps counselee to view the problem<br />
in an integrated and mature manner rather than a superficial outcome. Helps the person in question<br />
to notice that it is about him and it creates a good, confidential atmosphere.<br />
8. Helps the person in question to understand himself and to connect the problem with his original<br />
family and with his lifestyle.<br />
9. Helps him to recognise the strengths of his family and activate these as resources in his life.<br />
10. Helps him to recognise where the correction of his own behaviour is advisable, where inner healing<br />
is necessary and which relationships and relationship patterns need to be worked at. Helps the<br />
person in question to avoid mistakes in his own or future family.<br />
130
WORK SHEET: ONE OF MY PROBLEMS ANALYSED WITH THE HELP OF THE GENOGRAM<br />
Description of my personal problem: ___________________________________________________<br />
__________________________________________________________________________________<br />
GRAND PARENTS<br />
MARRIAGE (RELATIONSHIPS OF GRAND PARENTS) BOTH +VE AND –VE QUALITIES<br />
<strong>1.</strong>________________<br />
<strong>2.</strong>________________<br />
<strong>3.</strong>________________<br />
4.________________<br />
FATHER’S +VE AND –VE QUALITIES<br />
PARENTS<br />
MOTHER’S +VE AND –VE QUALITIES<br />
<strong>1.</strong>________________<br />
<strong>2.</strong>________________<br />
<strong>3.</strong>________________<br />
4.________________<br />
<strong>1.</strong>________________<br />
<strong>2.</strong>________________<br />
<strong>3.</strong>________________<br />
4.________________<br />
MY BOTH +VE AND –VE QUALITIES IN RELATION WITH PARENTS AND SIBLINGS<br />
<strong>1.</strong>________________<br />
<strong>2.</strong>________________<br />
<strong>3.</strong>________________<br />
4.________________<br />
GENERALLY IN FAMILY<br />
-<br />
-<br />
-<br />
NOTICEABLE<br />
QUALITIES<br />
-<br />
-<br />
-<br />
NOTICEABLE<br />
QUALITIES<br />
-<br />
-<br />
-<br />
NOTICEABLE<br />
QUALITIES<br />
-<br />
-<br />
-<br />
NOTICEABLE<br />
QUALITIES<br />
-<br />
-<br />
-<br />
FAMILY STRENGTHS<br />
-<br />
FAMILY WEAKNESSES<br />
131
LEVEL 1 UNIT12 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
TOPIC: GENOGRAM 4: THE CONNECTION OF MY ACTUAL PROBLEM<br />
AND MY GENOGRAM<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To learn to correlate your actual problem with your genogram drawn.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To learn to arrive at connections and conclusions regarding my problem<br />
and my genogram.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> To notice the need of forgiveness, the need of release from any particular<br />
bondage, and the need of self-esteem and identity in counselee through the<br />
counselling session.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> The trainer can explain the work sheet of “how does all my genogram relate<br />
to my problem?” with a short teaching.”<br />
15 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Then all can individually fill up the form and come in the group of three<br />
members for counselling session using the form.<br />
10 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> The counsellor can make use of the form to counsel the counselee and the<br />
observer can observe the session. At the end observer can give feedback.<br />
25 Minutes<br />
4. Plenary for evaluation with question and answer. 10 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> So far, we have studied a lot regarding genogram but here we connect your actual problem and<br />
your genogram in a counselling session.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> In the said counselling session, we focus mainly learning and counselling suitably with any of your<br />
particular problem with the backdrop of genogram. In the process, you use facts and insights you<br />
get from your genogram as well.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> As we look at any of your specific difficulty like getting anger soon, getting depressed easily, being<br />
stubborn, being sluggish, traits of dominance, traits of arrogance so on and so forth you have been<br />
carrying on in your life will have certainly a connection with your family environment, roles of your<br />
family members and off course, your family motto as well.<br />
4. You can have a glance through the sheet with you on “nature of family and its motto in my<br />
genogram”. Here you find adequate information on family atmosphere, roles of family members and<br />
family motto.<br />
5. This is really a good time for yourself to have clearness about your life especially in unhealthy<br />
behavioural pattern.<br />
6. Of course, you will surely get in touch with your strong and healthy behavioural qualities very much<br />
within you in the process of erasing unhealthy ones.<br />
7. Dealing with your own unhealthy behavioural patterns, this is not meant to find mistake with any<br />
particular individual rather you to get to grips with your genuine freedom and choice of reliance.<br />
8. This would really help you to protect yourself from actual unhelpful force within you or anyone.<br />
9. The work sheet on “How does all my genogram relate to my problem?” could be introduced to the<br />
group in general by the trainer. As you spent time in a fruitful manner in this session with work<br />
sheet, all the same you respect and honour your work partner with the look of God’s eyesight.<br />
10. God has something special to talk to you through this session, please tune your inner ear to it.<br />
132
WORK SHEET: HOW DOES ALL MY GENOGRAM RELATE TO MY PROBLEM?<br />
Where are there weaknesses, which are likely to become a stumbling-block in life as regards my<br />
problem or already have done so?<br />
Which of these wrong behaviour patterns or weaknesses, which occur or occurred in the family, do I<br />
NOW no longer, wish to carry in my rucksack or backpack (a large bag used to carry things on your<br />
back)?<br />
Tip: Symbolically take these “stones” out of your life-rucksack and deposit them with the appropriate<br />
people. This is a spiritual and practical process, which starts today and may take months or years<br />
before it is finished!<br />
What are the family strengths, which I can make use of for solving the problem?<br />
Which of these strengths do I NOW want to make use of for solving my problem?<br />
Tip: Symbolically take these “stones” out of your life-rucksack and eat them.<br />
Thank the appropriate people. This is a spiritual and practical process, which starts today and may<br />
take months or years before it is finished!<br />
133
UNIT 13: CLUSTERS: GROUPS AND EXCLUSION<br />
LEVEL 1: Units 12- 14<br />
FAMILY CONSTELLATION AND GENOGRAM<br />
UNIT 12 UNIT 13 UNIT 14<br />
HOW TO DRAW A<br />
GENOGRAM<br />
CLUSTERS: GROUPS<br />
AND EXCLUSION,<br />
CONNECT<br />
SYMPTOMS WITH<br />
FAMILY CLUSTERS,<br />
TRIANGULATION<br />
SESSION 1 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
BREAK MINIMUM<br />
5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 2 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
GENOGRAM 1 :<br />
INTRODUCTION TO<br />
GENOGRAM WITH<br />
THE FLOW OF<br />
BLESSINGS AND<br />
CURSES<br />
GENOGRAM 2 :<br />
HOW TO DRAW MY<br />
FAMILY’S<br />
GENOGRAM<br />
GENOGRAM 5:<br />
INTRODUCTION<br />
TO SIBILING<br />
CONSTELLATION<br />
AND FIVE POSITIONS<br />
GENOGRAM 6 :<br />
ONLY CHILD AND<br />
OLDEST CHILD AND<br />
SECOND CHILD WITH<br />
EXERCISE<br />
GAMES AND<br />
SCRIPT 1: SCRIPT<br />
GAMES AND<br />
SCRIPT 2: GAMES<br />
BREAK MINIMUM<br />
5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 3 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
GENOGRAM 3 :<br />
THE COUNSELLING<br />
VALUE OF<br />
GENOGRAM<br />
GENOGRAM 7 :<br />
MIDDLE AND<br />
YOUNGEST CHILD,<br />
CONFLICTS AND<br />
EXERCISE<br />
GAMES AND<br />
SCRIPT 3: HOW TO<br />
COME OUT OF<br />
DRAMA TRIANGLE<br />
BREAK MINIMUM<br />
5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
GENOGRAM 4 :<br />
THE CONNECTION<br />
OF MY ACTUAL<br />
PROBLEM AND MY<br />
GENOGRAM<br />
GENOGRAM 8 :<br />
WORK SHEET<br />
REGARDING<br />
ATMOSPHERE,<br />
POSITION AND MY<br />
ROLES IN MY<br />
ORIGINAL FAMILY<br />
GENOGRAM 9: THE<br />
DIVINE GRAPH OF<br />
GOD<br />
134
LEVEL 1 UNIT13 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1<br />
TOPIC: GENOGRAM 5: INTRODUCTION TO SIBILING CONSTELLATION<br />
AND FIVE POSITIONS AND EXCERCISE<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To have an introduction to sibling constellation and five positions.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To know ones own sibling position and its consequences in practical life.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Demonstrate and draw the trainer’s sibling position and explain its features<br />
and also do the teaching.<br />
20 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Exercise: all sit together in sibling position groups (all oldest ones etc. and<br />
not more than 3 in each group) and exchange with each other how they felt 20 Minutes<br />
and behaved as children in their position. Does it still affect them?<br />
<strong>3.</strong> The results are to be presented in the plenary. 20 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: GENOGRAM 5: INTRODUCTION TO SIBILING CONSTELLATION<br />
AND FIVE POSITIONS<br />
Importance of Family and Sibling Constellation<br />
Parents and teachers strongly influence the development of the child's personality especially during the<br />
first six years. In this interaction the child develops a certain attitude to life, his personal lifestyle which<br />
consists of an individual self-image, a conception of other people and of the world.<br />
In a family also other factors have an influence. The family internal patterns of interaction as a whole<br />
are summarized under the title of "Family constellation".<br />
Living environment<br />
Upbringing styles<br />
Result mainly from<br />
family values, manners,<br />
rules and goals of<br />
discipline as well as<br />
unconscious aspects of<br />
the parental characters<br />
Family atmosphere<br />
Totality of the influences<br />
characterising the<br />
atmosphere in the parental<br />
home.<br />
Family constellation<br />
objective factors, which<br />
determine the family clan<br />
• Encouragement<br />
• Strictness and harshness<br />
• Spoiling<br />
• Co-operation<br />
• Unlovingness, Submission,<br />
Dominance<br />
• Over-caring, pity<br />
• Further important persons<br />
• Family members<br />
• Positions of the siblings<br />
• Wholeness of the family<br />
• Mixture<br />
• Inconsequence<br />
js/Works/5-Gemde/3Lehre/Seminare/Therseel/Persent.ppt<br />
aus "Psychologisches Konfliktmanagement", A. und H. Becker, dtv<br />
135
The following points should be considered:<br />
• The predominant style of bringing up the children and the experienced family atmosphere<br />
• All members of the family-setting like parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and their<br />
prominent personality data<br />
• Wholeness of the family or the special features, such as the death of someone, illnesses,<br />
hospitalisations, divorce, concubine,, step-parents, foster family or children's home<br />
• Further important persons to whom the child relates most closely and their influence<br />
The Counselling Value of Family Constellation (Genogram)<br />
The problems of a person have always something to do with his lifestyle, with his self-image, his<br />
conception of others and of the world. When we don't understand the lifestyle of a person, we<br />
understand too little of his problem. Counsellors run the danger of giving superficial or false advice and<br />
so don't take the counterpart seriously at all.<br />
If a person is afraid of a punishing God, there are always unresolved experiences of punishment in his<br />
childhood. These experiences must be cleared up and then also his picture of God will experience<br />
correction or at least the way will be free for a correction.<br />
Working out the family and sibling constellation<br />
• Helps the person in question to notice that it's about him and it creates a good, confidential<br />
atmosphere.<br />
• Helps the person in question to understand himself and to connect the problem with his original<br />
family and with his lifestyle<br />
• Helps him to recognise the strengths of his family and activate these as resources in his life<br />
• Helps him to recognise where the correction of his own behaviour is advisable, where inner healing<br />
is necessary and which relationships and relationship patterns should be worked at<br />
136
Sibling Constellation<br />
Mark for yourself in the following list what applies to you, not what doesn’t or is important for someone<br />
else.<br />
We make a difference between five basic positions in the sibling constellation:<br />
• <strong>1.</strong> The only child<br />
• <strong>2.</strong> The eldest child<br />
• <strong>3.</strong> The second child<br />
• 4. A middle child<br />
• 5. The youngest child<br />
Other Positions:<br />
All the other possibilities (i.e. in larger families) are to be seen as variations, combinations or deviations<br />
of these five basic positions.<br />
For example: with twins one is often the leader and thus has the position of the oldest child.<br />
One child may experience several sibling positions. He may be for four years the only child and later<br />
the oldest one among one or more siblings. Another child may be for years the youngest one and<br />
suddenly he becomes the middle child through the birth of his sibling.<br />
Another middle child may become the oldest one through the death of the oldest one.<br />
These changes in the sibling position often have significant consequences in the child’s further<br />
development and in the development of his lifestyle.<br />
The age difference must always be particularly taken into account.<br />
137
For example: an oldest child who is about seven years older than the next one must be considered as<br />
an only child because he has experienced his most forming phase in this position.<br />
The age difference is also very important as regards the unavoidable competition.<br />
Two brothers with only 15 months between them will compete with each other much more intensely<br />
than those with 3-7 years of age difference. There it is usually clear who is the boss.<br />
Also the sexual role is learned at home. Siblings of the same sex have a less favourable start for their<br />
later marriage than if they could have had “practice” with siblings of the opposite sex.<br />
Every child tries to obtain and hold a good position in the family circle. Every child seeks love and<br />
recognition from his parents. In this seeking siblings are considered as rivals and so the fight for the<br />
parents’ favour starts. The competition will be especially hard if the father or the mother pampers some<br />
children or shows them special recognition. It always leaves its marks among all the siblings.<br />
138
LEVEL 1: UNIT 13 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
TOPIC: GENOGRAM 6: ONLY CHILD, OLDEST CHILD, AND SECOND CHILD<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know particularly the position of only child, oldest child and second child<br />
with exercise<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To know the strengths and weaknesses of this sibling positions.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> The trainer does the teaching of the position of only child, oldest child<br />
and second child<br />
20 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Trainees do the exercise with worksheet as shown in the end of the teaching. 40 Minutes<br />
The first-born child<br />
Usually there is great joy at the birth of the first child. He makes the couple parents and he will be<br />
specially appreciated. The focus of attention is guaranteed. Everything revolves around the child. The<br />
parents take much time and pay special attention since they have little or no experience in child care<br />
and the relatives travel from all over the country to see the little “wonder”.<br />
For the further life and development of his lifestyle it is very significant whether the child can keep this<br />
special position or if other siblings follow (more about this later).<br />
Five Positions:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> The only child<br />
[Here I describe general observations. In individual cases it may look quite different. We must always<br />
ask more questions and consider the individual case in the counselling. This general knowledge helps<br />
us to ask the right questions.]<br />
remains at the centre of attention<br />
gets attention and often also some pampering<br />
especially the mother will be used as a servant to satisfy the child’s needs through charm,<br />
sweetness, cleverness, and weaknesses like helplessness<br />
neither sibling conflicts nor power battles<br />
the parents are the most important interaction partners. The parents’ “style” of up-bringing has a<br />
special influence since other siblings don’t take part in it.<br />
is often accepted by the parents as an equal partner and challenged according to his age<br />
(cooperative up-bringing), often even over-challenged.<br />
often develops an active, open-minded behaviour towards the world and can easily cope in the<br />
adults’ world (wider views).<br />
is mostly objective in conflicts and seeks constructive solutions.<br />
usually has no difficulties at school and progresses well in his profession<br />
if strongly spoiled and pampered he develops into a “weak” personality.<br />
the child often lives in a “symbiotic” relationship with his mother<br />
is afraid to face life’s challenges.<br />
the confrontation with children of his age in the kindergarten or during the first day at school will be<br />
especially difficult<br />
is able to relate to adults better than to children (lack of training).<br />
single parents often make their only child into a substitute partner.<br />
can easily divert the adults’ attention to himself and gets recognition (for example by praising: “You<br />
139
are a good teacher”)<br />
is often a peacemaker since he doesn’t allow himself to be drawn into rivalry conflicts but stands<br />
more at a distance.<br />
can usually share well since he never needed to fight for his “possessions”<br />
an only child should learn social contacts in play groups or day nurseries as soon as possible.<br />
challenges are considered normal<br />
an only child often seeks partners who submit to him and serve him<br />
an only child often marries an only child; this usually leads to considerable relationship conflicts.<br />
only children as mothers often give an impression of being rather childish themselves. It’s difficult<br />
for them to understand why their own children should now be at the centre of attention and not they.<br />
only children as parents have the tendency to bring up their child as an only child and so encourage<br />
his selfishness.<br />
is usually more independent as an adult than other people and often has more initiative.<br />
though self-centred he can usually work well with others and finds his “niche” where he is the most<br />
important person (I know an only child who is a driving teacher).<br />
loss of his parents or of his partner hurts him especially hard<br />
Biblical examples of only children<br />
Moses (the youngest one in his original family), Ex. 6, 20; Samson, Judges 13; Samuel, <strong>1.</strong>Sam.1; John<br />
the Baptist, Luke 1, 57, 80<br />
Questions: Where did the only children among us recognise themselves? Where does the learnt<br />
behaviour still have an effect in a positive or negative way? What do I want work at?<br />
Exercise: (work sheets regarding siblings are given at the end of the teaching notes), Work with<br />
the sheet “the position of the only child” in groups of three and answer the questions: How does an only<br />
child feel? What kind of self-image/conception of other people and of the world will he develop?<br />
Dethronement<br />
The first-born child usually receives love, attention and is the focus of attention of the family. One day<br />
he will be dethroned from this position by a little screaming “something”. This bundle now receives all<br />
attention.<br />
This may mean a severe shock for the first-born child (“I only saw the back of my mother”). The<br />
measure of this shock is influenced by four factors:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> How well is the first-born child prepared for the birth of the new sibling? If the parents assure the<br />
older one of their love, prepare the child well for the birth of the new one and let him take part in the upbringing<br />
of the sibling, this crisis may pass without ill effects. Otherwise the first one feels as if pushed<br />
out of the paradise and may develop a negative behaviour.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> A spoiled and pampered first-born child experiences the loss of his uniqueness much more strongly<br />
and tends to behave negatively (searching for attention, superiority, revenge, and refusal). In this way<br />
the child tries to regain love but obtains tragically just the opposite and gets discouraged.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Dethronement experiences hurt a first-born child during the first three years of his life most. At<br />
greater age differences such a crisis will usually be mastered much more easily.<br />
4. If after such a shock, the first-born child doesn’t feel rejected by the parents or stay discouraged, he<br />
will take the new situation as a challenge and begins to fight for his new position in a healthy way.<br />
Questions: Did I get dethroned as a child and when? Did something change in my life? Do my<br />
memories only go back to that point? Would the dethronement still have an effect in my life?<br />
<strong>2.</strong> The eldest child<br />
If the oldest child is not discouraged and is entrusted with tasks suitable for his age (cooperative upbringing):<br />
He becomes reconciled more quickly with his new role<br />
140
notices that he will receive attention and recognition if he develops according to the parents’<br />
expectations into an “exemplary” child and mentally mature<br />
identifies with the parent who is dominant or with whom he is emotionally nearer<br />
is taken as a co-educator or caretaker and so again receives new worth (often this is also very<br />
annoying)<br />
a cooperatively brought-up first child learns to respect adults and pay attention to children<br />
is able to consider other people’s wishes and needs<br />
feels responsible for the well-being of the people around him<br />
tends to protect others<br />
develops a love for order, a feeling of responsibility and a talent for organising<br />
is able to take responsibility<br />
is more conservative since he learns to adjust and he doesn’t like changes (see: dethronement).<br />
If the oldest child feels rejected (or if the age difference is too short):<br />
he experiences the next one following on his heels as a threat<br />
reacts with jealousy<br />
would prefer to eliminate competition<br />
strong feelings of deprivation may be the reason here<br />
If the oldest child grows up in a rather authoritarian family atmosphere<br />
he identifies with the parent who has power<br />
will also treat the younger sibling in an authoritarian manner<br />
if the oldest one needs to keep many rules and regulations he demands the same from the younger<br />
siblings<br />
even as an adult tends to fight continuously for his threatened position.<br />
tends always to know better and to nag or to play the judge as an adult<br />
If the child grows up in a spoilt and discouraging atmosphere:<br />
he is always bereaving the “golden times” before the birth of the siblings and longs to go back to the<br />
“lost paradise”<br />
thinks he must go backwards in life<br />
doesn’t take responsibility very willingly<br />
meets everything with pessimistic expectations<br />
Biblical Examples of oldest children:<br />
Shem, Son of Noah, Gen. 5, 32; Cain, Gen.4; Abraham, Gen 11,26; Esau (twin), Gen, 25,19-34;<br />
Ruben, Gen 35,23; Miriam, Ex. 1,4; Num. 26,59; The faithful son in Luke 15; Martha, John 11, 5<br />
Questions: Where did the oldest children among us recognise themselves? Where does the learnt<br />
behaviour still have an effect in a positive or negative way? What do I want to work at?<br />
Exercise: Work with the sheet “the position of the oldest child” in a group of three and answer the<br />
questions: How does the oldest child feel? What kind of self-image/conception of other people and of<br />
the world will he develop?<br />
<strong>3.</strong> The second child<br />
The second child sees the world totally differently from the first child:<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
he never experiences the position of uniqueness<br />
he has to share the affection and attention of the parents from the start<br />
the parents are surer in bringing-up children since they have experience<br />
they usually have more confidence in the second child than in the first one and spoil him less, which<br />
has the effect of encouragement and support on the second child.<br />
If the parents don’t cause a greater competition between the first and the second child through<br />
negligence, the second one has a better start; he will be challenged to practise and make an effort<br />
141
through the example of the older one.<br />
In search of affection and attention from the parents the second one will go different ways from the<br />
first one, since he would otherwise experience too much competition (one role is already filled, so<br />
the child searches for another)<br />
finds out the weaknesses of the first one and becomes strong exactly in those areas so as to<br />
receive praise and recognition from his parents (but also jealousy from the older one)<br />
through the competitive situation the oldest child and the second one are most different from each<br />
other (for example: the strong one and the intelligent one, the fast one and the slow one)<br />
the nearer the two are to each other in age, the stronger the competition will be. For an age<br />
difference of 18-20 months and less, one talks about pseudo twins (especially dangerous, if the<br />
younger one is a sister and the older one a brother, since the girl develops more quickly emotionally<br />
and physically than the boy)<br />
usually experiences much encouragement since he is able to develop his gifts and strengths<br />
(except if he gets very spoilt as a “son and heir” or as a “little princess” and thus can’t develop his<br />
independence)<br />
he can take everything much more easily since he doesn’t have any position to protect; he has<br />
nothing to lose and everything to win<br />
a second child is often very charming and seldom conservative<br />
he has cleverly learned to have his own way (as opposed to the oldest one who has rather learned<br />
to adapt) but he is also able to cooperate and fit in with other people<br />
if the family atmosphere is one of superiority:<br />
o<br />
o<br />
o<br />
o<br />
o<br />
o<br />
competition struggles are greater<br />
the second tries by all means to humiliate the older one and take advantage of his<br />
weaknesses<br />
is very jealous of the privileges of the first-born<br />
may develop into a rebellious and revolutionary person as an adult<br />
a second child has difficulty tolerating strong leadership by other people<br />
even as an adult a second child believes that every power can be overthrown, “eternal laws”<br />
are badly tolerated<br />
if more siblings are born into the family, the position of the second child gets slightly worse; he will<br />
become the middle child<br />
the dethronement experience will usually be taken better, since his position was never so exposed<br />
as the position of the oldest one<br />
Biblical examples of second children:<br />
Abel, Gen. 4; Jacob (twin), Gen. 25/19-34; John, brother of James, Matt. 4,21<br />
Questions: where did the second children among us recognise themselves? Where does the learnt<br />
behaviour still have an effect in a positive or negative way? What do I want to work at?<br />
Exercise: work with the sheet “the position of the second child” in a group of three and answer the<br />
questions: how does a second child feel? What kind of self-image/conception of other people and of the<br />
word will he develop?<br />
142
WORK SHEET<br />
Sibling Constellation<br />
the figures represent years and always refer to the oldest child ,<br />
e.g. -5 means 5 years younger than the oldest child<br />
The Position of the only child<br />
Consider how the constellation affects the only child:<br />
<strong>1.</strong><br />
<strong>2.</strong><br />
-8<br />
<strong>3.</strong><br />
-1 -10<br />
The Position of the oldest child<br />
Consider how the constellation affects the oldest child:<br />
<strong>1.</strong><br />
-5 -7<br />
<strong>2.</strong><br />
-3<br />
-4 -6<br />
<strong>3.</strong><br />
1962 1966<br />
-2<br />
-4<br />
143
WORK SHEET<br />
Sibling Constellation<br />
The Position of the second child<br />
Consider how the constellation affects the second child :<br />
<strong>1.</strong><br />
-3<br />
<strong>2.</strong><br />
-2<br />
<strong>3.</strong><br />
-1<br />
144
LEVEL 1: UNIT 13 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
TOPIC: GENOGRAM 7: MIDDLE AND YOUNGEST CHILD, CONFLICTS AND EXERCISE<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know particularly the position of middle child, and youngest child with exercise<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To know the strengths and weaknesses of this sibling positions.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> The trainer does the teaching of the position of middle child,<br />
and youngest child<br />
20 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Trainees do the exercise with worksheet as shown in the end of the teaching. 40 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
4. The middle child<br />
“Neither fish nor fowl!” This could be a description of the middle child’s feeling about life.<br />
is hanging between the oldest and youngest child. He is in competition with the oldest one and now<br />
also with the youngest one.<br />
he experiences a war on two fronts which he can hardly but loses. The oldest child can easily ally<br />
himself with the youngest one and so kick out the annoying middle child (who once was the second<br />
and the youngest one). This is the ways “sandwich children” are made, who neither enjoy the rights<br />
of the oldest nor the advantages of the youngest ones.<br />
If seen this way, the dethronement of the second child is not easily borne if he doesn’t receive<br />
enough love and attention from his parents. A dethroned second child often needs a clear<br />
assignment of tasks from the parents. Then it will be easier for him to find his new role and to<br />
accept it.<br />
A courageous middle child may take over the leadership among his siblings: in this way he<br />
develops great agility, skill (for instance to get and keep power) and high activity<br />
A discouraged middle child, who experiences too little support from his parents, feels that he has<br />
been unjustly treated, rejected and possibly develops a pessimistic conception of the world and of<br />
other people. Most likely he will seek a person to relate to (a friend) from outside the family.<br />
A child will be most influenced by the siblings who are immediately before or after them; so the<br />
most crucial factors for the development of the middle child will be the sex of the sibling “above” and<br />
“below” and the age differences<br />
o if the age difference is 3-4 years each there are seldom problems<br />
o the shorter the difference the bigger the problems to be expected (pseudo twins!)<br />
The middle sister among sisters will often be “forgotten” by the parents, and so she feels<br />
meaningless and has little self-confidence, since she couldn’t gain any significant role. She tends to<br />
escape into an imaginary world. As an adult she probably still will search for her role and will be<br />
inclined to depression, resignation and even to suicide. In relationship to men of her own age she<br />
lacks experience – as do her sisters.<br />
The middle brother among brothers is a fighter with or without luck, it just depends. He tries to<br />
fight his way through verbally and physically. With a short age difference the middle one’s battle will<br />
go on and on. Perhaps he will develop into a still more ambitious strategist than his older brother.<br />
Either he gets very discouraged because he is squashed between the brothers or he will develop<br />
into a man of action who early learns to hide his feelings. Later this will hit back because he has<br />
145
never learned to talk about his feelings and he is afraid of them and then he has to express them<br />
psychosomatically. In relationship to women he will always be reserved and will never really<br />
understand them. In relationship to men he will always be careful that they wouldn’t manipulate him.<br />
With enough age difference he can develop positively and perform extraordinarily well without being<br />
emotionally cold.<br />
The middle sister between brothers has also several possibilities to develop. She may become:<br />
o a perfect diplomat who finds her way among her brothers’ power battles. She supports and<br />
encourages them both and will be appreciated by them both.<br />
o a judge in her brothers’ quarrels through her skill or by a word of authority<br />
o a faithful servant or an underdog if the parents don’t intervene<br />
o or she enters into an alliance with one brother against the other<br />
o She learns to know the world of men very well and can feel for them without wanting to lead<br />
or change them, she has self-confidence and is tolerant.<br />
o She is a good wife, mother and mother-in-law.<br />
The middle brother between a big sister and little brother will be more ambitious than if he only<br />
had a big sister but softer than an older one of two brothers. As a husband he tends to live in<br />
competition with his wife except if she is an ex-little sister.<br />
Biblical examples of middle children:<br />
Ham, son of Noah, Gen. 5,32; Levi, Gen 29,34; Judah, Gen 29,35; Mary, sister of Martha, John 11,5<br />
Questions: Where did the middle children among us recognise themselves? Where does the learnt<br />
behaviour still have an effect in a positive or negative way? What do I want to work at?<br />
Exercise: Work through the sheet “the position of the middle child” in groups of three and answer the<br />
questions: How does the middle child feel? What kind of self-image/conception of other people and of<br />
the world may he develop?<br />
5. The youngest child<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
receives most attention from his parents, especially if he is an “evening star”<br />
the “baby” of the family will often be pampered even by his siblings since he doesn’t compete for<br />
their role<br />
siblings have often parental functions<br />
enjoys privileges without needing to fight for them<br />
often learns good social behaviour, especially in big families<br />
doesn’t need to experience any dethronement<br />
is often smart, charming and able to “play to the gallery”<br />
is often innovative and creative, has new ideas, because he needs find a new role for himself which<br />
is not yet taken by another sibling, in order to secure his position or to receive attention<br />
in a family with two children he will clearly have the features of a second child<br />
if the youngest one grows up in a spoiling family atmosphere:<br />
o he becomes discouraged, dependant, cowardly and needs constant care<br />
o tends to misuse the helpfulness of others<br />
o doesn’t easily take responsibility<br />
o has little perseverance: if something doesn’t work first time he gives up<br />
o people around him excuse this inefficiency because he is so pleasant<br />
Biblical Examples of the youngest children:<br />
Japheth, Son of Noah, Gen. 5, 32; Aaron (first the middle one) Ex. 6, 10; David, 1 Sam.16; The<br />
Prodigal Son, Luk.15; Lazarus, John 11, 5<br />
Questions: Where did the youngest children among us recognise themselves? Where does the learnt<br />
behaviour still have an effect in a positive or negative way? What do I want to work at?<br />
146
Exercise: Work with the sheet “the position of the youngest child” in groups of three and answer the<br />
questions: what does a youngest child feel? What kind of self-image/conception of other people and of<br />
the world will he develop?<br />
Other sibling positions or extended families<br />
The most significant sibling positions are described above. In larger families (more than three children)<br />
groups of one to three children usually build up subsystems among the siblings. In which kind of<br />
constellation a specific child finds himself is largely dependant on the distribution and the age difference<br />
of the siblings. Every child will be most influenced by the sibling ahead of him or after him. These<br />
relationships must be observed with special care.<br />
In general one can say that in large families the typical personality features which develop in the sibling<br />
positions get stronger: the oldest one will be even more independent and dominant, even more<br />
conservative and conscientious. The youngest one will be even freer and more unconventional and<br />
creative (except if he through pampering becomes unable to be independent).<br />
Still a couple of thoughts about special constellations:<br />
Twins: if twins (identical or not) compete each other they develop like an oldest and a youngest child.<br />
The only boy among girls stands against female power. If he is the oldest one with a bigger age<br />
difference he will most likely develop into a protector. However, if he was born later he feels pushed<br />
back and in the weaker position. He will always think that men are at the mercy of women.<br />
The only girl among boys could either compete with the brothers and so become courageous, boyish<br />
and comradely, or she could use the situation to cultivate her feminine features.<br />
Exercise: with the sheet “Sibling Constellation” answer: how could the constellation affect individual<br />
people? Work in groups of three and repeat and reinforce the previous materials.<br />
Still more about the importance of the sibling constellation:<br />
The position in the sibling order is a very important element of the self-image and the view of other<br />
people. Through the dealings with his siblings the child gains the ability to handle people in a certain<br />
way, either in cooperation or in competition. Together with the sibling position, the style of upbringing<br />
and the atmosphere in the family have dominant influences on the attitude to life which the person<br />
develops. Every person will now try consciously or unconsciously to create situations which he is used<br />
to.<br />
147
Questions: How did my sibling position form my lifestyle? Where do I live in similar relationships or act<br />
similarly as during the time with my siblings (marriage, family, profession, friends, and church)?<br />
What would be important to bear in mind in marriage preparation or when arranging a marriage?<br />
Conflicts between the sexes<br />
A conflict between the sexes is especially strong if a boy from a purely male household marries a girl<br />
form a purely female household. Both are unable to put themselves in the other’s position. This<br />
provides much cause for arguments. Also the oldest and the middle child of three oldest girls have<br />
difficulty understanding their husbands and sons. This is also valid for the oldest and the middle one of<br />
three oldest boys.<br />
Rank conflicts:<br />
• two oldest children who are married with each other often have arguments about who is allowed to<br />
make decisions<br />
• Two youngest ones, however, love to be pampered by the other one and are frustrated if not both of<br />
them have their money’s worth. Both unconsciously expect the other one to become active.<br />
• Two only children tend to have rank conflicts, since they both are used to standing in the focus of<br />
attention.<br />
• A big brother – little sister have least rank conflicts and an especially harmonious marriage, if they<br />
both had a sibling of the opposite sex in their original families<br />
• Also a big sister – little brother usually harmonize well each other, if both accept their roles and<br />
there is no sex rivalry<br />
A potential rank conflict should be talked over during the marriage preparation and have sufficient<br />
attention paid to it. A couple who knows their dangers can avoid them better. Also possible conflicts<br />
between the sexes should be dealt with. The people concerned need much time to learn to handle the<br />
needs and the nature of the opposite sex. They should take this time and not be put off by the effort.<br />
The goal is a marriage where neither rank conflicts nor conflicts between the sexes need to be worked<br />
out.<br />
148
WORK SHEET<br />
Sibling Constellation<br />
The Position of the middle child<br />
Consider how the constellation affects the middle child:<br />
<strong>1.</strong><br />
-3<br />
-5<br />
-7<br />
<strong>2.</strong><br />
-2<br />
-7<br />
<strong>3.</strong><br />
-1<br />
-3 -6<br />
149
WORK SHEET<br />
Sibling Constellation<br />
The Position of the youngest child<br />
Consider how the constellation affects the youngest child:<br />
<strong>1.</strong><br />
-3<br />
-5<br />
-7<br />
<strong>2.</strong><br />
-2<br />
-3<br />
<strong>3.</strong><br />
-1<br />
-3 -6<br />
150
LEVEL 1: UNIT 13 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
TOPIC: GENOGRAM 8: WORK SHEET REGARDING ATMOSPHERE, POSITION<br />
AND MY ROLES IN MY ORIGINAL FAMILY<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To do the work sheet regarding family atmosphere and my role and position in<br />
my original family.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To get in touch with motto and nature of my family.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> The trainer explains the work sheet and the trainees fill it up. 20 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Trainees form groups of three and do two counselling session of 20 Minutes<br />
each including observer time.<br />
40 Minutes<br />
151
WORK SHEET<br />
ATMOSPHERE, POSITION AND MY ROLES IN MY ORIGINAL FAMILY<br />
<strong>1.</strong> My current problem: ______________________________________________________________<br />
<strong>2.</strong> My sibling position, Tick the most suitable one: I was an<br />
only child Eldest child Second child Middle child Youngest child<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Atmosphere in my family? Tick the most appropriate one for your family:<br />
Rather a hostile atmosphere authoritarian atmosphere painful atmosphere<br />
repressive atmosphere hopeless atmosphere disharmonious atmosphere<br />
competitive atmosphere despising atmosphere materialistic atmosphere<br />
over-caring atmosphere inconsistent atmosphere democratic atmosphere<br />
4. Roles you experienced in your family Tick the most appropriate one for you:<br />
I was mainly the<br />
opinion maker coordinator calculator motor<br />
harmoniser uncompromising observer aggressor<br />
obstructer self-accuser dominant dogmatist<br />
rival peacemaker sunny boy sunshine<br />
outsider black sheep perfect child wallflower<br />
helpless<br />
substitute<br />
protector<br />
spoilt<br />
father/mother<br />
prince/princess If any other, specify<br />
just<br />
5. What sort of motto did the family have? What shaped everyone? Tick the most suitable<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Everyone is his own neighbour. <strong>2.</strong> All or nothing<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Who loves his child disciplines him <strong>3.</strong> Whatever you do, do it thoroughly.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Ingratitude is the world’s wages. 4. Male power rules in our family.<br />
4. One must not lose courage. 5. Girls don’t run after boys.<br />
5. My home is my castle. 6. Women obey men.<br />
6. You do what you are told. 7. Work comes before pleasure.<br />
7. We are as thick as thieves. 8. Enjoy life as long as you can.<br />
8. We don’t tolerate nonsense. 9. Any other<br />
9. Who doesn’t respect the coins is not worth<br />
the notes.<br />
Other:<br />
152
6. 20 minute counselling with the following questions:<br />
The counselee listens actively, and gives feedback and tries to combine the family atmosphere, the<br />
role, the motto and the sibling position with the given problem.<br />
These are some samples of questions:<br />
• Tell me about your sibling position.<br />
• Which family atmosphere in your family?<br />
• Which roles did you have in your family and how did you feel in these roles? Give 1 or 2 examples.<br />
• Which aspects were positive and which negative for you?<br />
• Which role do you have in your family? Give maybe 1 or 2 examples.<br />
• Can you say anything about a family motto?<br />
• Can you see a connection between your current problem and what we explored about your family?<br />
• What would you like to change today?<br />
End with prayer (decide on possible changes, grant or receive forgiveness, etc.)<br />
Notes:<br />
153
UNIT 14: CONNECT SYMPTOMS WITH FAMILY CLUSTERS, TRIANGULATION<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 12- 14 FAMILY CONSTELLATION AND GENOGRAM<br />
UNIT 12 UNIT 13 UNIT 14<br />
HOW TO DRAW A<br />
GENOGRAM<br />
CLUSTERS: GROUPS<br />
AND EXCLUSION,<br />
CONNECT<br />
SYMPTOMS WITH<br />
FAMILY CLUSTERS,<br />
TRIANGULATION<br />
SESSION 1 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
BREAK MINIMUM<br />
5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 2 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
GENOGRAM 1 :<br />
INTRODUCTION TO<br />
GENOGRAM WITH<br />
THE FLOW OF<br />
BLESSINGS AND<br />
CURSES<br />
GENOGRAM 2 :<br />
HOW TO DRAW MY<br />
FAMILY’S<br />
GENOGRAM<br />
GENOGRAM 5:<br />
INTRODUCTION<br />
TO SIBILING<br />
CONSTELLATION<br />
AND FIVE POSITIONS<br />
GENOGRAM 6 :<br />
ONLY CHILD AND<br />
OLDEST CHILD AND<br />
SECOND CHILD WITH<br />
EXERCISE<br />
GAMES AND<br />
SCRIPT 1: SCRIPT<br />
GAMES AND<br />
SCRIPT 2: GAMES<br />
BREAK MINIMUM<br />
5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 3 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
GENOGRAM 3 :<br />
THE COUNSELLING<br />
VALUE OF<br />
GENOGRAM<br />
GENOGRAM 7 :<br />
MIDDLE AND<br />
YOUNGEST CHILD,<br />
CONFLICTS AND<br />
EXERCISE<br />
GAMES AND<br />
SCRIPT 3: HOW TO<br />
COME OUT OF<br />
DRAMA TRIANGLE<br />
BREAK MINIMUM<br />
5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4 60<br />
MINUTES<br />
GENOGRAM 4 :<br />
THE CONNECTION<br />
OF MY ACTUAL<br />
PROBLEM AND MY<br />
GENOGRAM<br />
GENOGRAM 8 :<br />
WORK SHEET<br />
REGARDING<br />
ATMOSPHERE,<br />
POSITION AND MY<br />
ROLES IN MY<br />
ORIGINAL FAMILY<br />
GENOGRAM 9: THE<br />
DIVINE GRAPH OF<br />
GOD<br />
154
LEVEL 1 UNIT14 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1<br />
TOPIC: GAMES AND SCRIPT 1: SCRIPT<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To learn my behavioural style and traps in the light of script.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To learn about my script that determines my behavioural steps.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> To have an understanding of helplessness and powerlessness in my life<br />
with the help of the knowledge of games and scripts.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching about Script and four basic life scripts. 20 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Group work is in groups of three members who are counsellor, counselee<br />
and observer. Counsellor does the following “script questionnaire” with a<br />
counselee. It is to know “what is my / are my script/s?” Two turns can be<br />
done of 20 Minutes.<br />
40 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
Scripts and Games (according to Transactional Analysis):<br />
Transactional analysis can serve as a sophisticated, elegant, and effective system on which to base the<br />
practical activities of professionals in psychotherapy, counselling, education, and organizational<br />
consultation. It was founded in the 1950s by San Francisco psychiatrist Eric Berne, MD. Transactional<br />
analysis has become a worldwide movement with upwards of 10,000 adherents. It is a sophisticated<br />
theory of personality, motivation, and problem solving that can be of great use to psychotherapists,<br />
counsellors, educators, and business consultants.<br />
SCRIPTS Reprinted w/permission from Tom Porpiglia/Life Script Counseling Services<br />
When we were young, we all had a vision of how the world was. And while we did not have the facilities<br />
to do reality testing, we decided how to behave, what to say and not say, what to feel or not feel and<br />
more, based on our perceptions. We received verbal and non-verbal messages that reinforced our<br />
conclusions. We knew what we had to do to survive, and, that's what we did. We did whatever it took to<br />
get our needs met.<br />
This is our life script. We wrote it and now as adults, we direct it and act in it, just like a good play. The<br />
problem is that what worked in childhood most likely is not working in adulthood. The other part of this<br />
issue is that our script operates at an unconscious level, out of our awareness. We may behave in<br />
certain ways and not be aware of what we are doing or why we are doing it.<br />
The script is the source of games. We play games because we don't or won't ask for what we want<br />
directly. We learned asking for what we want did not work well as children, so we learned to play<br />
games to get our needs met. One example of this is the child who acts out to get attention, even if it is<br />
155
negative attention. The child may misbehave, get yelled at and maybe even spanked. The child knows<br />
that it needs strokes, physical and psychological contact, to survive and grow. If the child cannot get<br />
loving, nurturing attention, it will find a way to get ANY attention. This child's script may be that he/she<br />
is not lovable and there is not enough love to go around. Carry this concept over into an adult<br />
relationship and the results can be disastrous.<br />
One of the tenets of Transactional Analysis is to uncover the games, stop playing them and ask for<br />
what we want directly. This serves to terminate or change the old script and create a new, healthy script<br />
to live by. In the example above, I would work with the client to uncover the sources of the decision,<br />
teach the client how to reality test the decision and then invite the client to create a new decision. I<br />
would also teach the client new communications skills so he/she asks for what they want in a clean,<br />
direct manner. Often-times, understanding what they want is a more difficult process than asking for<br />
what they want.<br />
Four basic life scripts:<br />
o I’m OK, you’re OK – ideal I+U+<br />
o I’m OK, you’re not OK – get away from me I+Uo<br />
I’m not OK, you’re OK – I’ll never get anywhere I-U+<br />
o I’m not OK, you’re not OK – get rid of each other I-U-<br />
We classify scripts into three degrees according to their content and outcome. They are:<br />
1) Winning,<br />
2) Losing or hamartic,<br />
3) Non-winning or banal.<br />
Winning scripts accomplish a declared purpose and make the world a better place to live in. People<br />
living in the I+U+ quadrant of the “for basic life scripts” have winning scripts. Losing scripts are just the<br />
opposite and we find them in the I-U- quadrant as well as the I+U- quadrant. Banal or non-winning<br />
scripts are those that fall in between the winners and losers and we find them in the I-U+ quadrant. The<br />
owners of these scripts don't make any big wins or losses and they are not risk takers.<br />
Additionally, losing scripts have degrees of severity according to the payoff or outcome of the script.<br />
The mildest of these is a first degree script and third degree scripts are the most serious.<br />
First degree scripts have losses and failures that are not severe enough to cause embarrassment or<br />
discomfort in the person's social circle. An example of this might be that I lost control of my car on an<br />
icy pavement and ended up in the ditch.<br />
Second degree scripts are serious enough that they do not get discussed in the social environment.<br />
Instead of loosing control on the ice, I was under the influence of alcohol and I don't want you to know.<br />
Third degree scripts are the most serious of scripts. These scripts have disastrous outcomes that end<br />
up in the court room, hospital or morgue. Maybe I was driving while drunk and killed someone. They<br />
156
end up in the morgue and I end up in jail. Tom Porpiglia in http://www.lifescriptcounseling.com/ls<strong>1.</strong>htm<br />
Everyone has a script. In fact, we have many scripts and to get the best out of life, we need to explore<br />
these scripts and make changes where necessary.<br />
Common negative life scripts:<br />
Never – one never gets to do what one wants<br />
Until – one must wait until a certain time or until something is done to be able to do something they<br />
want to do<br />
Always – one must continue to do what one has always done<br />
After – a difficulty is expected after a certain event<br />
Open-ended – one does not know what to do after a given time<br />
Mini-scripts:<br />
o Hurry up!<br />
o Try harder!<br />
o Be perfect!<br />
o Be strong!<br />
o Please someone!<br />
And of course, once you know what your unconscious life plan is you can change it. You decided on it<br />
as a child, but you can now change your mind as an adult. Remember that whatever you decided about<br />
yourself and your life as a child, it was done from a very limited perspective. What seemed a<br />
generalized truth about life then might not be true for you anymore today? The emphasis on the<br />
decision of the child in script formation is based on the premise that "what has been decided can be redecided".<br />
Re-decision is an emotional, cognitive and behavioural process. Scripts can be changed and<br />
disbanded all together – but in a PROCESS. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transactional_analysis<br />
SCRIPT QUESTIONNAIRE<br />
These questions are designed to gain information from the client which enable the therapist to construct<br />
a script matrix, a picture of both the messages which were passed onto the infant and the decisions<br />
which the infant made.<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Imagine your mother/father sitting front of you and saying:<br />
“I am happy with you when you ... ..”<br />
<strong>2.</strong> When you were little, what was it about you that most upset or scared your mother?<br />
<strong>3.</strong> When your mother/father let you know that she/he did not like you being like this, what did you feel?<br />
4. What did you do and do you do when you feel like this?<br />
5. What phrase or sentence describes your mother and her life best?<br />
6. What phrase or sentence describes your dad and his life best?<br />
157
LEVEL 1 UNIT 14 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
TOPIC: GAMES AND SCRIPT 2: GAMES<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know about styles and traps of dysfunctional behaviour in my family in the<br />
light of games.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To learn about my games that determines my behavioural steps.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> To have an understanding of helplessness and powerlessness in my life with<br />
the help of the knowledge of games and scripts.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching about Games and the drama triangle (Triangulation) 20 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Discussion on “Position manoeuvring and Rules in the triangle” is in groups<br />
of three members.<br />
20 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> One teacher leads a counselling demonstration with a student, caught in a<br />
Drama Triangle Position<br />
20 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
GAMES: THE DRAMA TRIANGLE<br />
The following section about Triangulation is adapted, modified and reprinted from SCREAM LOUDER<br />
by Marsha Utain and Barbara Oliver, 1889, with the permission of the publisher: Health<br />
Communications. Inc,. Deerfiel Beach, FL.)<br />
It is printed in: Dallmann-Jones, A. (2011). SHADOW CHILDREN ~ Understanding Education's #1<br />
Problem. Lancaster, PA: RLD Publications, pages177-183 in the 2011 edition. – Permission for the<br />
reprinting in this Handbook is granted by the publisher and author A. Dallmann-Jones<br />
Triangulation<br />
A Common and Complex Form of Social Abuse<br />
The Drama Triangle is a representation of a complex interactional process involving the three<br />
participating roles of Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer. The Triangle is based on blame and guilt and is<br />
put into operation whenever any type of lie or denial occurs. Without blame, guilt or lies, there would be<br />
no Drama Triangle and no chaos. Instead there would be healthy responsible relationships based on<br />
hones and clear communications.<br />
Victim<br />
The victim position is the key role in the Triangle because it is the position around which the others<br />
revolve. People operating in the Victim position take no responsibility for their actions or feelings. They<br />
truly believe that they are life’s “fall guys”, and that everyone in the world is “doing it to them.” They<br />
158
continually look for someone or something else to blame for things not working in their lives. Victims<br />
can frequently be identified by their usage of such language as: “everyone, anyone does it to me.”<br />
“you/they (the government, mother, father, boss, spouse, children, etc.) do it to me.” “poor me.”<br />
There are two basic types of Victims: the Pathetic Victim and the Angry Victim. The Pathetic Victim<br />
plays the pity ploy, using woeful “poor me” looks and desolate language of self- pity. The Angry victim<br />
pretends to be powerful, using angry “I won’t let you do it to me,” “Look what you did to me,” or “You’re<br />
bad” types of language.<br />
Both types of Victims are looking for someone to blame for the emotions that they are having and for<br />
their lives not working. In addition, they are looking for a Rescuer, someone they can “hook” into taking<br />
care of them and their responsibilities.<br />
Rescuer<br />
As any recovering co-alcoholic knows the role of Rescuer is the highly addictive role because it is the<br />
position of the “good guy”. Because of the way we are raised people are raised whenever they feel<br />
guilty they have learned to get out of the guilt by moving into the Rescuer “good guy” position. People<br />
do not like to be labeled “bad guys” so they actively seek the position of Rescuer and because it affords<br />
them some relief from the guilt they get addicted to it.<br />
We are raised from birth to believe that we must be good. We are trained by the standards of our<br />
parents, churches and society that in order to be “good”, we must take care of other people physically,<br />
emotionally, or spiritually, even at the cost of our own being. We are drilled with the idea that to take<br />
care of oneself is to be selfish which is, of course, bad. Therefore, when the Victim approaches us with<br />
blame or tales of woe, we are already prime targets for the manipulative hook of guilt. We already<br />
159
elieve that we should take care of other people’s problems, and that if we do not, we are bad.<br />
Because we do not wish to be cast in the “bad guy” Persecutor role, we jump in to rescue the Victim,<br />
even when it is not in our best interest.<br />
If a child did not do what the parent wanted, then the child was labeled “bad” and cast in the role of the<br />
Persecutor. Taking the position of Rescuer, therefore, affords a person some relief from guilt and gives<br />
the person the opportunity to pretend that they are acting unselfishly and for someone else’s good. This<br />
creates the momentary high that makes the Rescuer position addictive. The Rescuer does not realize<br />
that they are motivated by selfish reasons. They just do not want to feel like or appear to be a “bad”<br />
person.<br />
There is another important point to understand about Rescuers in the triangle. Because of the very<br />
nature of the triangle, Rescuers must have a Victim, someone to take care of, someone to control, and<br />
someone, who by their very need, makes the Rescuer feel good. When people are codependent and<br />
therefore addicted to the Rescuer role, they will find that they actually have a need to rescue. In order<br />
to fill that need, they will have to have a Victim around that they can “help”. If there isn’t one available,<br />
the Rescuer will attempt to create one.<br />
In general, Rescuers need to be needed and they need to be in control and be right no matter what the<br />
cost. Being in control and being right allows the Rescuer to avoid dealing with any emotions or<br />
discomfort. In all addictions, the addictive substance or behavior, in this case Rescuing is used by the<br />
addict to avoid feelings.<br />
Persecutor<br />
The role of the Persecutor is the role of the “bad guy”, the villain. It is the one role that few people<br />
consciously choose as their starting place in the triangle. In fact, it is the role that keeps the triangle<br />
going because people in the triangle are attempting to avoid that position by moving into the Rescuer<br />
role or by perceiving themselves as Victims. No one likes to see themselves as a bad guy. Even<br />
criminals in prison want to be seen as the Victims of society rather than society’s Persecutors. The<br />
Persecutor role is the one that Victims use, along with blame, to maneuver others into rescuing them.<br />
What makes this position truly unique is the fact that once you are in the triangle and you decide to<br />
leave it, you must leave from this position. In other words, when you remove yourself from playing the<br />
triangle, anyone still playing will perceive you as the Persecutor.<br />
160
Positions, Maneuvering, and Rules in the Triangle<br />
A number of key points to consider remembering:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> The triangle is based on lies. Tell a lie to yourself or someone else, whether it is a lie about data or<br />
a lie about your emotions or your experience and you move immediately into the triangle and the<br />
addictive process.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> All shoulds are a lie. Therefore, shoulds will throw you into the triangle. (An important piece of your<br />
healing process is learning how to go about getting your needs and wants met after you learn to<br />
distinguish them from your “shoulds” or the things that other people have told you are your needs.)<br />
<strong>3.</strong> All positions in the triangle cause pain. No matter what position you are in at any given moment,<br />
you will be in pain and will be causing pain.<br />
4. There is no power in the triangle. When you are in the triangle, you are operating from<br />
powerlessness and irresponsibility no matter what position you are playing.<br />
5. Everyone has a favorite starting position which is usually either the Rescuer or the Victim. Few<br />
people choose Persecutor as a starting position.<br />
6. Once you are hooked into the triangle you will end up playing all the positions, whether you like it<br />
or not, because of the nature of the triangle. You may have perceived yourself as a Rescuer, who<br />
wound up as someone’s Victim, while, at the same time, that person perceives you as a<br />
Persecutor.<br />
7. Guilt is the experience that hooks you into the triangle, and therefore you need to learn a few<br />
points about guilt:<br />
a. Guilt is a signal that someone is attempting to pull you into the triangle.<br />
b. In order to stay out of the triangle, you will need to learn to give yourself permission to feel<br />
guilty without acting on that guilt. In other words, do not let guilt push you into a Rescuer<br />
position.<br />
c. Learn to sit with the guilt and be uncomfortable. This experience called guilt is a learned<br />
response; it is not the same thing as being out of integrity with yourself by breaking a rule, moral<br />
or law..<br />
8. The “escape hatch” out of the triangle is located at the Persecutor position. Telling the truth about<br />
your emotions and thoughts open the escape hatch. In other words, in order to leave the triangle,<br />
or for that matter to stay out of it, you have to be willing for others (the Victims or the other<br />
Rescuers) to perceive you as the “bad guy” and then go through whatever emotions surface as a<br />
result of their perception. This does not mean that you are the “bad guy”. It just mean that others<br />
choose to see you that way. If you are not willing to be seen as a Persecutor, you will get hooked<br />
into rescuing and keep yourself in the triangle. If you are already in the triangle and wish to leave,<br />
you have to be willing for others in the triangle to see you as the Persecutor.<br />
9. You can play the triangle alone with yourself. Once you have been raised in a dysfunctional family,<br />
you do not need anyone else to push you into the triangle.<br />
a. The way you play the triangle by yourself is by listening to the negative voice inside your head<br />
that beats you up, “puts you down”, and constantly “shoulds” on you.<br />
b. Remember: “shoulds” are a lie.. They have nothing to do with who you are. They are<br />
someone else’s interpretation of what to do and what is good.<br />
c. When you play the triangle with yourself, your “should-er” will persecute you so that you will<br />
feel like a Victim. At the same time, you will be feeling guilty. This will trigger the belief that you<br />
are the Persecutor. The guilt will drive you to “rescue” someone (or some situation), even when<br />
no one except you is there attempting to manipulate you into the Rescuer position.<br />
10. When you actively participate in a relationship with someone who lives in the triangle, you must be<br />
very careful of the hooks. It is difficult to be around people who constantly operate in the triangle<br />
and not get hooked in yourself, especially if your personal boundaries are not clear and you have<br />
not learned to recognize the Triangle.<br />
1<strong>1.</strong> You internalized “should-er” is also the voice that pushes you into the triangle when others around<br />
you are in and attempting to hook you. The Should-er is the false-self, the part that is actually<br />
161
someone else you believe is you. It is controlling, negative, rigid, perfectionistic and righteous.<br />
Without that part of you operating, you would not participate in the Triangle.<br />
1<strong>2.</strong> Being in the Triangle is not being alive; it is a living death. It is a life of pain, inauthenticity, and lack<br />
of love and acceptance.<br />
1<strong>3.</strong> Suicide is the ultimate Victim act, the ultimate act of self-pity. When the Victim perceives they<br />
cannot get anyone to come to the rescue anymore, and they do not have the courage to seek new<br />
alternatives, they may turn to suicide.<br />
14. Telling the truth and experiencing your emotions is the only way out of the triangle. To do this you<br />
have to learn to know and define your boundaries and take responsibility for recognizing,<br />
experiencing, expressing, and completing your emotions.<br />
162
LEVEL 1 UNIT 14 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC: GAMES AND SCRIPT 2: HOW TO COME OUT OF DRAMA TRIANGLE<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To learn how to come out of the Triangle I am actually in.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> In practical counselling to differentiate between conscious and unconscious deal<br />
with helplessness and powerlessness in my life with the help of the knowledge of<br />
drama triangle.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching about how to come out of the Triangle with<br />
the help of working through the dialogue between John and Mary<br />
<strong>2.</strong> In groups of three, two turns of 20 Minutes of counselling session focussed<br />
on “How to come out of the Triangle I am actually in?”<br />
20 Minutes<br />
40 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
Examples of the work with the drama triangle<br />
An example would be a welfare caseworker whose official function is to get clients off welfare and to<br />
support themselves with jobs. If the caseworker does anything to prolong the dependency relationship,<br />
she is not really helping but "Rescuing."<br />
There may be subtle or overt pressure from her agency not to have too many successful clients.<br />
Threatening to cut off benefits to obviously lazy or selfish clients would be frowned on -- even if or<br />
especially if such tactics resulted in clients suddenly finding gainful employment after years of<br />
dependency.<br />
For the drama triangle to come into full flower, one of the players must shift positions. For example, a<br />
Victim may become a Persecutor complaining of getting too much help, not enough help, or the wrong<br />
kind of help. A Rescuer may become a Persecutor, complaining that the clients don't appreciate her<br />
enough.<br />
Officials at the welfare agency may take a role in the game, Rescuing staff and clients as long as they<br />
play along quietly but persecuting any staff who start showing good results.<br />
In conversation<br />
A more familiar example might be this fictitious argument between John and Mary, a married couple.<br />
Sometimes the rescuer point seems calm and even reasonable. If the words placate, soothe, calm,<br />
explain or justify, it can be considered a Rescuer response--it is an attempt to move the other person<br />
from their position.<br />
In order to give a visual of the way the participants move from one point of the triangle to another, the<br />
Persecutor position is shown in bold, the Rescuer in italic, the Victim in normal and the mentions<br />
163
outside the triangle in underline.<br />
John: I can't believe you burnt dinner! That's the third time this month!<br />
Mary: Well, little Johnny fell and skinned his knee, it burned while I was busy getting him a bandage.<br />
John: You baby that boy too much!<br />
Mary: You wouldn't want him to get an infection, would you? I'd end up having to take care of him while<br />
he was sick.<br />
John: He's big enough to get his own bandage.<br />
Mary: I just didn't want him bleeding all over the carpet.<br />
John: You know, that's the problem with these kids! They expect you to do everything!<br />
Mary: That's only natural, honey, they are just young.<br />
John: I work like a dog all day at a job I hate...<br />
Mary: Yes, you do work very hard, dear.<br />
John: And I can't even sit down to a good dinner!<br />
Mary: I can cook something else, it won't take too long.<br />
John: A waste of an expensive steak!<br />
Mary Well maybe if you could have hauled your ass out of your chair for a minute while I was<br />
busy, it wouldn't have gotten burned!<br />
John: You didn't say anything! How was I supposed to know?<br />
Mary: As if you couldn't hear Johnny crying? You always ignore the kids!<br />
John: I do not, I just need time to sit and relax and unwind after working all day! You don't know what<br />
it's like...<br />
Mary: Sure, as if taking care of the house and kids isn't WORK!<br />
Anyone reading this article could undoubtedly continue this argument indefinitely.<br />
What is of perhaps more interest is how one can remove oneself from the triangle, which, as the<br />
example makes clear, can be exhausting.<br />
The simplest method is the passive response. This works at any point no matter what the role the other<br />
person is taking, as it doesn't give a cue as to the next response:<br />
Mary: Well maybe if you could have hauled your ass out of your chair for a minute while I<br />
was busy, it wouldn't have gotten burned!<br />
164
John: Yes, that's true.<br />
Although Mary may attempt to restart the cycle by continuing to scold, if John continues in the same<br />
vein, Mary will eventually run out of things to say. Unless Mary is actually abusive, in which case care<br />
should be used in employing this method, John's calm response invites discussion rather than<br />
continued wrangling. She might realize that she didn't ask him for help, and they might well be able to<br />
resolve the situation by planning on a course of action should something similar arise in the future.<br />
It works just as well for the victim role:<br />
John: I do not, I just need time to sit and relax and unwind after working all day! You don't know<br />
what it's like...<br />
Mary: I'm sorry you're feeling so tired.<br />
This acknowledges any real problem the other person might have without continuing the dance. Again,<br />
the other person may attempt to restart the cycle by continuing to complain, but again, with continued<br />
passive responses, the other person will run out of things to say.<br />
While the "rescuer" role is seemingly the least problematic of the three points of the triangle, it still is a<br />
part of a non-communicative cycle, and thus should be treated in the same manner.<br />
Mary: That's only natural, honey, they are just young.<br />
John: Yes, they are young.<br />
Once again, the cycle is broken, and John has made it clear to Mary that he needs no further placating<br />
or assistance. Other examples for passive responses include:<br />
• "Oh."<br />
• "I see."<br />
• "You may be right."<br />
Bibliography<br />
• Utain, M. & Oliver, B. (1989) Scream Louder:Through Hell and Healing With an Incest Survivor<br />
and Her Therapist. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, Inc.<br />
• Ian Stewart, Vann Joines - TA Today: A New Introduction to Transactional Analysis. ISBN<br />
1870244001<br />
• (1990) (Paperback reissue ed.) Scripts People Live: Transactional Analysis of Life Scripts. New<br />
York: Grove Press By Claude Steiner ISBN 0-394-49267-6.<br />
• Reparenting, TA and ITAA. Margaret Singer, Janja Lalich Crazy Therapies : What Are They? Do<br />
They Work? 1996, ISBN 0-7879-0278-0<br />
• Celebrate Your Self. Corkille Briggs, Dorothy. (1986). Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group.<br />
ISBN 0-385-13105-4<br />
• Steiner, Claude, and JoAnn Dick (illustrator). The Original Warm Fuzzy Tale: A Fairytale.<br />
Sacramento: Jalmar Press, 1977. ISBN 0915190087.<br />
• Born to Win: Transactional Analysis with Gestalt Experiments By Muriel James and Dorothy<br />
Jongeward (Addison-Wesley, 1971)<br />
165
LEVEL 1 UNIT 14 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC: GENOGRAM 9: THE DIVINE GRAPH OF GOD<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To learn to look at my genogram through the eyes of God.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To learn to choose divine change in your genogram with the divine plan of God.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> To equip me with a reasonable clearness of faith in God relating strengths and<br />
weaknesses in my genogram, position and role in the family.<br />
4. To notice the need of relying on God in all the seasons with the perceptive of<br />
faith in Him.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 20 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Then all can individually share in groups of three members how divine plan<br />
affected his genogram with specific example.<br />
20 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Plenary for evaluation with question and answer. 20 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: MY FAMILY ATMOSPHERE AND THE DIVINE GRAPH OF GOD<br />
<strong>1.</strong> As we analyse a particular problem of man in the light of genogram, sibling position and family role,<br />
we stick not only to merciful human counselling guidelines but also we do encourage an individual<br />
with a faith of divine graph of God who can turn curses into blessings, sickness into healing and<br />
sins into goodness.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> A man with leprosy chose to go to a Jewish Rabbi Jesus (Mark 1:40-45) even when the time and<br />
opportunity was fully forbidden to those. The matter of touch with a leper could not be taken as a<br />
matter of thought even in wild sense then. The said leper decided to choose to change his<br />
genogram by putting faith in a different type of a Jewish Rabbi at that time.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Once Jesus and his disciples saw a blind from his birth. And his disciples asked him, saying,<br />
Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind (John (9:2). The genogram of<br />
the blind is put into a very different position by Jesus replying his disciples.<br />
166<br />
Jesus answered,<br />
“Neither has this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in<br />
him” (John (9:2).<br />
4. The history with Him shows that anyone who puts trust in Him such one's family line drawn in<br />
genogram takes a new turn with a fully treasure design.<br />
5. Any attempt in thought, word, and action in life has got consequence. If one chooses to think, speak<br />
and act for HIM, undoubtedly the consequence is awesome and breathtaking. If not, consequence<br />
is terrible and dreadful.<br />
6. Jesus points out this consequence very clearly to men and women saying; “And fear not them<br />
which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both
soul and body in hell.” (Mat 10:28)<br />
7. Even today and throughout the time one element is common and true, WITH HIM, that any life<br />
challenge of any one has never been an unresolved one.<br />
8. One woman is excluded by family, society and religion because of her ailment of blood issue for<br />
twelve years chose to touch Him boldly. And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, which<br />
had spent all her living upon physicians, neither could be healed of any (Luke 8:43).<br />
9. Anyone who called out His name has never been thrown out at any point in life. Who else with any<br />
kind of GENOGRAM need anything other than this assurance of life? For example, and he (the thief<br />
on the cross) said unto Jesus, Lord; remember me when you come into your kingdom. And Jesus<br />
said unto him, Verily I say unto you, Today shall you be with me in paradise (Luke 23:42-43).<br />
10. For the life in great quantity for any one, it is always responsible account to make a choice between<br />
the God of the dead and the God of the living in any favourable and unfavourable situation no<br />
matter what family graph follows. (Mark12:27)<br />
167
LEVEL 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
READING ASSESSMENT:<br />
UNITS 12- 14 FAMILY CONSTELLATION AND GENOGRAM<br />
Summary of the unit in your words:<br />
Write and list out the main ideas you find through out the reading materials of this particular unit.<br />
<strong>1.</strong><br />
<strong>2.</strong><br />
<strong>3.</strong><br />
4.<br />
Description of the Central idea in the unit:<br />
Identify the most important idea(s) of the unit<br />
Flow chart of the unit:<br />
You can visualize and draw the main ideas in a diagrammatic manner as they appear to your mind.<br />
My view of counselling and life advancement on the unit:<br />
Reflect through your own counselling and life advancement. What new challenges would you welcome<br />
to improve your life and counselling?<br />
168
UNITS 15 – 16 COMFORTING IN TIMES OF SUFFERING<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 15- 16<br />
COMFORTING IN TIMES OF SUFFERING<br />
UNIT 15 UNIT 16<br />
SESSION 1 60 MINUTES INTRODUCTION ON<br />
BEREAVEMENT,<br />
AND FIRST TWO OF<br />
FOUR PHASES OF<br />
BEREAVEMENT<br />
AND THEIR<br />
CONSEQUENCES.<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
SUGGESTIONS<br />
AND TASK OF<br />
THE<br />
COUNSELLOR<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 2 60 MINUTES LAST TWO PHASES<br />
OF BEREAVEMENT<br />
AND THEIR<br />
CONSEQUENCES.<br />
PRACTICE<br />
COUNSELLING 3<br />
(IN GROUPS)<br />
REGARDING<br />
BEREAVEMENT<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 3 60 MINUTES PRACTICE<br />
COUNSELLING 1<br />
(SELF<br />
EVALUATION)<br />
REGARDING<br />
BEREAVEMENT<br />
AND SUFFERING.<br />
PRACTICE<br />
COUNSELLING 4<br />
(DEMONSTRATIO<br />
N) REGARDING<br />
CHILD’S<br />
BEREAVEMENT<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4 60 MINUTES PRACTICE<br />
COUNSELLING 2<br />
(DEMONSTRATION)<br />
REGARDING<br />
BEREAVEMENT<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
THOUGHTS<br />
REGARDING<br />
CHILDREN<br />
ABOUT DEATH<br />
169
UNITS 15 COMFORTING IN TIMES OF SUFFERING 1<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 15- 16<br />
COMFORTING IN TIMES OF SUFFERING<br />
UNIT 15 UNIT 16<br />
SESSION 1 60 MINUTES INTRODUCTION ON<br />
BEREAVEMENT,<br />
AND FIRST TWO OF<br />
FOUR PHASES OF<br />
BEREAVEMENT<br />
AND THEIR<br />
CONSEQUENCES.<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
SUGGESTIONS<br />
AND TASK OF<br />
THE<br />
COUNSELLOR<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 2 60 MINUTES LAST TWO PHASES<br />
OF BEREAVEMENT<br />
AND THEIR<br />
CONSEQUENCES.<br />
PRACTICE<br />
COUNSELLING 3<br />
(IN GROUPS)<br />
REGARDING<br />
BEREAVEMENT<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 3 60 MINUTES PRACTICE<br />
COUNSELLING 1<br />
(SELF<br />
EVALUATION)<br />
REGARDING<br />
BEREAVEMENT<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4 60 MINUTES PRACTICE<br />
COUNSELLING 2<br />
(DEMONSTRATION)<br />
REGARDING<br />
BEREAVEMENT<br />
PRACTICE<br />
COUNSELLING 4<br />
(DEMONSTRATIO<br />
N) REGARDING<br />
CHILD’S<br />
BEREAVEMENT<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
THOUGHTS<br />
REGARDING<br />
CHILDREN<br />
ABOUT DEATH<br />
170
LEVEL 1 UNIT 15 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1<br />
TOPIC: INTRODUCTION TO COMFORTING IN TIMES OF SUFFERIING<br />
AND FIRST TWO PHASES OF BEREAVEMENT<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To understand the person who is alone and suffering of bereavement.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To become familiar with the first two phases of bereavement in order to help<br />
and stand by the person who is in great loss of loved ones and then in the<br />
difficulty of being alone.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 40 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> All could share in groups of three members their views and opinions<br />
regarding the heard input on bereavement. Mainly each one could focus<br />
on physical changes and emotional changes.<br />
20 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: FIRST TWO PHASES OF BEREAVMENT AND THEIR CONSEQUENCES<br />
INTRODUCTION:<br />
When one wants to help a bereaved person, it’s not a question of playing down or suppressing his<br />
great loss. It’s more a question of understanding him in his particular situation and giving him the<br />
feeling one is able to deal with his bereavement and that in this difficult time he is not alone.<br />
The following model of the phases of bereavement has been developed by the Swiss psychologist<br />
Verena Kast and is considered to be one of the most important foundations for understanding the<br />
process of bereavement.<br />
How long the bereavement takes varies from one person to another; the length of the different phases<br />
may also vary. The form and length of the process of bereavement is determined by the personality of<br />
the mourner, by the circumstances of death and by the relationship of the bereaved to the dead person.<br />
The bereavement of members of the same family varies, just as their relationships with the dead<br />
person differed. Different family members will express their bereavement in different ways according to<br />
their own temperament and emotionality. And the various family members’ mourning must not be<br />
compared with other members’ or even played off against each other. The process of bereavement<br />
begins with the loss of the loved person, proceeds very individually and ends with the reorientation of<br />
one’s whole life pattern. In the experience of the process of bereavement we distinguish following<br />
phases:<br />
PHASES OF BEREAVEMENT:<br />
Phase 1: Denial<br />
In this first phase the surviving person does not yet believe in the partner’s death. He does not yet<br />
grasp what has happened, denies it, cannot and will not believe it. He feels stiff like death and often<br />
seems insensitive. It is as if he is in emotional shock.<br />
Physical reactions:<br />
Quick pulse, sweating, nausea, vomiting, agitated movements.<br />
This phase may take from some hours up to several weeks, especially in the case of sudden deaths.<br />
171
Possible aids during this phase:<br />
• taking over everyday duties<br />
• supporting the bereaved persons when they are overwhelmed<br />
• support with the necessary arrangements in connection with the death<br />
• neither to leave the bereaved persons alone nor to crush them by too close contact<br />
• not to patronise the bereaved people in their reactions<br />
• to be there without asking too many questions<br />
• to accept all the bereaved person’s feelings: everything is allowed!<br />
• to tolerate his seeming insensitivity, his lack of tears,<br />
• his stiffness communicating warmth and sympathy<br />
• expressing one’s own feelings if it seems suitable and necessary prayer of blessing (often silent)<br />
Remaining stuck in the first phase is shown through:<br />
Living further as if nothing had happened, getting busier, and keeping oneself strictly under control,<br />
being especially “brave” (suppressing one’s feelings).<br />
Phase 2: Emotional Outbursts<br />
During this time the mourner is overwhelmed by contradictory emotions. He is immersed in a chaos of<br />
feelings of rage, bereavement and fear, restlessness and deep gloominess. Depending on the<br />
personality structure of the bereaved person, different feelings predominate. His rage may be aimed at<br />
the dead person, since he has left him behind, against the doctors whom he holds responsible for the<br />
death and thus for his sorrow, or against God who let it all happen. His anger or rejection may also turn<br />
against himself, and in fact the more so if he was not able to work through his problems with the partner<br />
before his or her death. As a result of all these uncontrollable reactions, feelings of guilt may develop<br />
which torment the bereaved person. Even then one should in no way suppress all these emotions,<br />
which at this point in time overwhelm the person. They help him handle his pain better. However, if they<br />
are suppressed, these feelings may destroy much and often lead to depressions and melancholy.<br />
The length of this phase is difficult to estimate, it’s something between a couple of weeks and several<br />
months.<br />
Possible aids during this phase:<br />
• Following emotional outbursts, as they may bring healing, since outbursts of anger and rage belong<br />
to the process of bereavement just as do depressive moods and melancholy<br />
• Not distracting attention from unresolved problems and conflicts, since this may only cause<br />
repression, which may lead to a delay in the bereavement process; letting him express his<br />
problems not making excuses for feelings of guilt nor exaggerating them, just simply acknowledging<br />
them; supporting the process of forgiveness but not demanding it sharing the experience and<br />
recollections of the bereaved person being there, listening!<br />
• Giving suggestions for managing on a day-to-day basis (for instance writing a diary, painting,<br />
listening to music, relaxing movement, relaxing prayer…)<br />
• Abstaining from telling one’s own ‘stories’ not giving any interpretations or value judgements<br />
Remaining stuck in the second phase is shown through:<br />
Being overwhelmed by pain, “chronic” bereaving. Bereavement may remain stuck in two places: either<br />
the anger against the dead person or other involved people remains unexpressed, or the process gets<br />
stuck in “eternal” feelings of guilt.<br />
172
LEVEL 1 UNIT 15 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
LAST TWO PHASES OF BEREAVEMENT AND THEIR CONSEQUENCES.<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
1 To understand the third and fourth phases of bereavement to know the person in<br />
a depth manner who is alone and suffering of bereavement.<br />
2 To become familiar with the last two phases of bereavement in order to help and<br />
stand by the person who is in great loss of loved ones and then in the difficulty of<br />
being alone.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 30 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> All could share in group of three members ones views regarding the input. 20 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Plenary to collate the sharing. 10 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: LAST TWO PHASES OF BEREAVMENT AND THEIR CONSEQUENCES<br />
Phase 3: Seeking and Separation (Letting go)<br />
The dead person is still “sought” for, which expresses itself in inner dialogues with him or in going to<br />
places which remind him of their times together. And yet every seeking makes the person painfully<br />
aware that his partner is no longer there. If the separation through death has until now been more of a<br />
physical event, it has now become an emotional process. Through this repeated seeking and forced<br />
separation, the bereaved person is thrown back on himself. In this way he has to learn to see himself<br />
as independent of the partner, an individual with his own abilities and characteristics. During this<br />
intensive seeking, finding and re-separation, there comes a moment when the bereaved person will<br />
make the decision either again to say yes to life and to continue living, or to persist in mourning. This<br />
seeking may also cause deep despair, because the darkness is still so powerful. Suicidal thoughts are<br />
at this time relatively common. This phase may last for weeks, months or years.<br />
Possible aids during this phase:<br />
• Allowing all past experiences to be expressed – no censorship!<br />
• Accepting that the person will continue to seek in many different ways; listening, even though one<br />
already know all the stories taking the emotions seriously which repeatedly come up in memories<br />
and stories allowing fancies which doubt the person’s death – without fantasizing with the mourner<br />
remaining with the person if he makes suicidal comments.<br />
• Allowing time; not pressurizing the person to accept the loss.<br />
• Perhaps addressing the person’s potential self-pity and the necessity of taking responsibility for<br />
himself.<br />
• Supporting the first signs of re-orientation.<br />
• Further prayerful accompaniment.<br />
173
Remaining stuck in the third phase is shown through:<br />
Not being able to let go. In this phase the danger of suicide or of consequential death is at its greatest.<br />
Phase 4: A New Relationship to the World and Oneself.<br />
In this phase the dead person becomes an “inner figure”, an important memory to the surviving partner,<br />
without identifying with the dead person. What used to be experienced together can now be<br />
experienced alone or with others. New relationships, new roles, new behaviour possibilities, new<br />
lifestyles become possible. The mourner now knows that every relationship is fleeting, that every<br />
commitment in life is limited by death. But he also knows that, in spite of this, new relationships are<br />
possible. For he has experienced that bearing loss is difficult but possible, and that it holds promise of<br />
new life. The process of bereavement has left its marks: in most cases the bereaving person’s attitude<br />
to life and also his relationship to God have changed significantly.<br />
Possible aids during this phase:<br />
• Helping the bereaving person also to let go of the helper<br />
• Accepting that as helper one is no longer needed<br />
• Checking your own need to help (“helper-syndrome”)<br />
• Being sensitive to relapses<br />
• Welcoming and encouraging changes in the bereaving person’s relationships<br />
• Accepting new things seeking together ways to carefully finish or change the accompanying of the<br />
bereavement<br />
• The supporting helper has now become unnecessary.<br />
Remaining stuck in the fourth phase is shown through:<br />
Slipping into the role of the dead person (acting, thinking, getting involved as he had done, without<br />
considering one’s own possibilities and wishes).<br />
What also must be said: every process of bereavement can proceed differently, depending on the initial<br />
situation. This must be taken into account when accompanying bereaved persons. There is no single<br />
typical emotion or typical reaction. Accompanying a bereaved person demands a great amount of<br />
sensitivity, openness and flexibility. The phases of grieving don’t have to be in this written order, often<br />
there are not phases, there are different feelings at the same time or they change quickly from phase<br />
one to four and back to two …<br />
174
LEVEL 1 UNIT 15 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
PRACTICE 1: SELF EVALUATION REGARDING BEREAVEMENT AND SUFFERING<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To conduct a practical session in which self evaluation is made in view of<br />
bereavement and acute suffering. Take input teaching as helpful resource for<br />
your evaluation.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Identify the ability of counselling skills within one self regarding bereavement and<br />
strong suffering case.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Realise the need of getting counselling with regard to bereavement and suffering.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> In groups of three members we do self evaluation. Each member can share<br />
a death occasion or an acute suffering incident. Each one can share things<br />
in accordance with the four phases of bereavement.<br />
50 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Plenary session to collate ideas. 10 Minutes<br />
175
LEVEL 1 UNIT 15 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
TOPIC: PRACTICE 2: COUSELLING SESSION (DEMONSTATION)<br />
REGARDING BEREAVEMENT<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Learn to know what happens in counselling with regard to bereavement of a person.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Identify the ability of counselling skills within oneself with regard to<br />
suffering and death.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Realise the reality of getting and giving counselling with in us with regard to<br />
agony and death<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Demonstration of counselling session with regard to bereavement by<br />
a trainer to a student.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> In plenary all could share points in the evaluation of the demonstration<br />
of held counselling session.<br />
30 Minutes<br />
30 Minutes<br />
176
UNIT 16 COMFORTING IN TIMES OF SUFFERING 2<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 15- 16<br />
COMFORTING IN TIMES OF SUFFERING<br />
SESSION 1 60 MINUTES INTRODUCTION ON<br />
BEREAVEMENT,<br />
AND FIRST TWO OF<br />
FOUR PHASES OF<br />
BEREAVEMENT AND<br />
THEIR<br />
CONSEQUENCES.<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
UNIT 15 UNIT 16<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
SUGGESTIONS<br />
AND TASK OF THE<br />
COUNSELLOR<br />
SESSION 2 60 MINUTES LAST TWO PHASES<br />
OF BEREAVEMENT<br />
AND THEIR<br />
CONSEQUENCES.<br />
PRACTICE<br />
COUNSELLING 3<br />
(IN GROUPS)<br />
REGARDING<br />
BEREAVEMENT<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 3 60 MINUTES PRACTICE<br />
COUNSELLING 1<br />
(SELF EVALUATION)<br />
REGARDING<br />
BEREAVEMENT AND<br />
SUFFERING.<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
PRACTICE<br />
COUNSELLING 4<br />
(DEMONSTRATION)<br />
REGARDING<br />
CHILD’S<br />
BEREAVEMENT<br />
SESSION 4 60 MINUTES PRACTICE<br />
COUNSELLING 2<br />
(DEMONSTRATION)<br />
REGARDING<br />
BEREAVEMENT<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
THOUGHTS<br />
REGARDING<br />
CHILDREN ABOUT<br />
DEATH<br />
177
LEVEL 1 UNIT 16 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1<br />
TOPIC: COUNSELLING SUGGESTIONS AND THE TASK OF THE COUNSELLOR<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know the practical suggestion of counselling the person who is alone and<br />
suffering of bereavement.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To become aware of the specific tips regarding the task of the counsellor in<br />
order to help and stand by the person who is in great loss of loved ones and<br />
then in the difficulty of being alone.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 40 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> All could share in groups of three members their views and opinions<br />
regarding the heard input on counselling suggestions and the task of the<br />
counsellor.<br />
20 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: COUNSELLING SUGGESTIONS AND THE TASK OF THE COUNSELLOR<br />
Counselling Suggestions<br />
<strong>1.</strong> We allow and encourage expressions of grief<br />
Reference:<br />
Gen.50:3-10;<br />
Ex.3:7-10;<br />
Ps.2:2;<br />
Ps.102:1<br />
The psalmist writes: “Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint, o Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony.<br />
My soul is in anguish.” Ps. 6:2 -<strong>3.</strong><br />
And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"-- which means,<br />
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Mark.15:34<br />
Practical advice<br />
On the basis of the Biblical statements and of my own experience I would like to give you the following<br />
advice. If you need to deal with certain suffering in your life, then:<br />
• Accept the grief as a help given by God<br />
• Try to find a place for yourself where you can be undisturbed before God.<br />
• Take time! Grief is no matter of ten Minutes.<br />
• If you are very anxious in your bereavement and your pain, then seek a counsellor who will<br />
accompany you through the process of grieving<br />
• Be completely quiet and consciously enter God’s presence. He has the power to help you! Describe<br />
your situation to God.<br />
178
• Which of your expectations, wishes, and needs have not been fulfilled?<br />
• Whom do you blame for it?<br />
• Praise God for his presence and for everything he has done for you.<br />
• Bring your accusations and negative feelings towards your fellow men before God!<br />
• Are you troubled by self-accusation? Speak it out!<br />
• Do you have accusations and negative feelings towards God? Express your mistrust; God can cope<br />
with it!<br />
• Accept the pain you feel!<br />
• Face the truth about yourself.<br />
• Let God show you how he sees you! Receive God’s forgiveness!<br />
• Remind yourself of your past experiences with God.<br />
• Ask God to come very near to you with his comfort and unconditional love.<br />
• Ask him to intervene.<br />
Sometimes we need to go walk the path of grief several times before we enter into praise. Sometimes<br />
we only come to the point where we can say:<br />
“O God, I do not understand you; the situation is unbearable for me. But I am ready to live with you in<br />
this situation and to trust that you are also in this unbearable situation with me and that you will give me<br />
the strength I need every day.”<br />
This is especially true for mourners. They will come through, God will bring them through.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Tasks of the counsellor<br />
• Conveying warmth, sympathy<br />
• Tolerating open questions<br />
• Allowing pain and not arguing it away – carrying the load of the one seeking help<br />
• Identifying with the person seeking help<br />
• Weeping together with him (“when one weeps, all the members weep, when one member rejoices,<br />
all rejoice with him…”), grieving with him<br />
• Praying for the person seeking help<br />
• Hoping and believing for the one seeking help<br />
• Offering comfort<br />
• Helping the person seeking help to accept and grant forgiveness<br />
• Releasing him into independence after the process of bereavement<br />
179
LEVEL 1 UNIT 16 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
TOPIC: PRACTICE COUNSELLING 3 (IN GROUPS) REGARDING BEREAVEMENT<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To conduct a practical counselling session in groups in which learning of<br />
counselling is met in view of bereavement and acute suffering. Remember input<br />
teaching as helpful resource for your counselling.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Identify the ability of counselling skills within one self regarding bereavement and<br />
acute suffering case.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Realise the need of getting counselling with regard to bereavement and suffering.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> In groups of three members we do counselling session in which one counsellor,<br />
one counselee and one observer. Each counselee can share a death occasion or<br />
an acute suffering incident. Each one can share things in accordance with the two<br />
phases of bereavement.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Two counselling session could be done each takes 20 Minutes. 40 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Observer can take 10 Minutes for each counselling session. 20 Minutes<br />
180
LEVEL 1 UNIT 16 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC: PRACTICE COUNSELLING 4 (DEMONSTRATION) REGARDING BEREAVEMENT<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Learn from demonstration of counselling session to know what happens in<br />
counselling with regard to bereavement of a child.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Identify the ability of counselling skills within oneself with regard to counsel a<br />
suffering child.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> In the demonstration there is one counsellor and one counselee. A leader will<br />
be the counsellor and a student can be the counselee. The counselling<br />
subject will be ones experience with the bereavement when he was in<br />
childhood.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> In plenary a feedback session in which all could share their points in the<br />
evaluation of the demonstration counselling session.<br />
40 Minutes<br />
20 Minutes<br />
181
LEVEL 1 UNIT 16 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
COUNSELLING THOUGHTS REGARDING CHILDREN ABOUT DEATH<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To understand the special nature of the bereavement of a child.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To become knowledge about the practical tips to deal with the special<br />
nature of feeling and thoughts of bereaving child in order to help and stand by<br />
the child who is in great loss of loved ones and then in the difficulty of being alone.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 40 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Feedback session on input session in plenary for collating the sharing<br />
regarding bereavement of children.<br />
20 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: COUNSELLING THOUGHTS REGARDING CHILDREN ABOUT DEATH<br />
General thoughts on dialogue with children about death<br />
Whenever and in whatever circumstances children ask about death and want to talk about it, the adult<br />
must never be evasive or play it down, in the hope that the child might forget what the adult does not<br />
want to or cannot answer. When the time is not suitable, of course, we have the right to postpone the<br />
moment for talking. Here it is important not to put it off indefinitely but to agree on a fixed time with the<br />
child, in order to show him we are taking him seriously and not trying to avoid the question, even if we<br />
are afraid of it.<br />
Children must be allowed to ask any kind of question. They must be answered openly and honestly, but<br />
with appropriate sensitivity and care! (What made you think of this?) This caution makes it possible to<br />
explore the child’s perception and to avoid overwhelming him.<br />
Usually a child is not seeking scientific explanations, but reassurance and clarification. With a child’s<br />
questions, one always has to read between the lines to discover the motive for asking.<br />
If necessary, one can also answer discreetly, symbolically or in pictures.<br />
At the end of each talk the child should be asked whether he is satisfied with the answer or if the<br />
answer is adequate.<br />
In no way you should give him the impression that now everything has been said.<br />
Frightening answers (“everyone has to die at some time”) must always be avoided.<br />
Expressions of faith, illustrative hopeful answers from the Holy Scriptures can be seen as a great<br />
treasure chest of possibilities for consolation.<br />
Children should be prepared carefully and early enough to face the question of death, especially if a<br />
near family member is in danger of dying. At this point it must be said very clearly and emphasized that<br />
it is not the confrontation with death but the experience of being left out that may cause the child<br />
trauma.<br />
Smaller children should by preference be allowed to visit the dying person at the beginning of the dying<br />
process. Young people can be expected to have a talk with the dying person.<br />
182
Of course, also for a visit to a sick person which might cause frightening impressions, just as in the<br />
case of a dying person, the child must be prepared beforehand in keeping with his age.<br />
Everyone needs to receive spiritual help and support during bereavement. One can help a person by<br />
enabling him to express and work out his feelings of fear and guilt, in order to obtain a realistic view of<br />
what has happened.<br />
Children should be prepared realistically for anticipated changes.<br />
It is best to have the funeral with the close family circle.<br />
Children should not be excluded from the funeral service, but rather be allowed to experience the reality<br />
in the security and protection of a trusted person.<br />
The question is often asked, how much a child can cope with.<br />
This depends among other things on the sensitivity, creativity and the perceptiveness of the person<br />
who talks with the child.<br />
A child should never be forced to talk. By observing his behaviour during a conversation one can often<br />
see if the child is ready to talk. Especially with children body language should never be ignored.<br />
It should always be noted: talking through bereavement with a child is a sensitising counselling task.<br />
Ways children express bereavement<br />
• Children cannot easily describe feelings<br />
• Children often react to a loss with rage, sometimes with undirected aggression but also with direct<br />
accusations against the parents or the “surviving” parent<br />
• What they feel they usually show by their actions (play, drawing, talking to themselves)<br />
• Unconsciously their emotional world is reflected in their bodily reactions (lack of appetite, restless<br />
sleep, sudden aggression, social withdrawal)<br />
• Children bereave immediately. They want to be sad when they want to<br />
• Children always want to be as normal as possible; anything that makes them feel insecure they try<br />
to repress<br />
• Children bereave erratically, ask straight when they are allowed to, may be extremely happy or<br />
deadly sad<br />
• Children often long to come together again (they set the table also for the dead person)<br />
• Children take intensive contact to pets and soft toys; these are always available and listen to them.<br />
Techniques in the process of bereavement with children<br />
• Dealing with bereavement through painting<br />
• Let him paint a picture of the time after the loss and talk it through<br />
• Let him paint a picture of the time before the loss and talk it through<br />
• After a time of working at these things (hours, days, weeks) maybe let him draw a third picture on<br />
the subject: how does the future look? Talk it through again<br />
• Let him imagine: what would I say to the dead or missing person? Use this fantasy to get into a<br />
discussion with the child<br />
• Let him write a letter, a poem, an essay<br />
• Work with a photo of the person concerned<br />
183
LEVEL 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
READING ASSESSMENT:<br />
UNITS 15- 16 COMFORTING IN TIMES OF SUFFERING<br />
Summary of the unit in your words:<br />
Write and list out the main ideas you find through out the reading materials of this particular unit.<br />
<strong>1.</strong><br />
<strong>2.</strong><br />
<strong>3.</strong><br />
4.<br />
Description of the Central idea in the unit:<br />
Identify the most important idea(s) of the unit<br />
Flow chart of the unit:<br />
You can visualize and draw the main ideas in a diagrammatic manner as they appear to your mind.<br />
My view of counselling and life advancement on the unit:<br />
Reflect through your own counselling and life advancement. What new challenges would you welcome<br />
to improve your life and counselling?<br />
184
UNITS 17 - 19 PRAYER COUNSELLING, FORGIVENESS AND<br />
RECONCILIATION<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 17- 19 PRAYER COUNSELLING, FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION<br />
UNIT 17 UNIT 18 UNIT 19<br />
INNER HEALING 1:<br />
AN OVERVIEW<br />
SESSION 1 60 MINUTES THE<br />
WOUNDED<br />
HEART: ITS<br />
DEFINITION<br />
SOURCE OF<br />
HURTS:<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 2 60 MINUTES HURTS NEVER<br />
JUST GO AWAY!<br />
SOME SYMPTOMS:<br />
PHYSICAL,<br />
MENTAL AND<br />
SPIRITUAL.<br />
“UNGODLY<br />
BELIEVES ABOUT<br />
OURSELVES”<br />
STEPS OF<br />
FORGIVENESS<br />
PROCESS AS A<br />
PART OF INNER<br />
HEALING<br />
OVERVIEW OF<br />
RECONCILIATIO<br />
N WITH FAMILY<br />
LIFE AND MY<br />
PAST<br />
HOW TO DEAL<br />
WITH SINS<br />
DONE BY<br />
OTHERS TO ME.<br />
INNER HEALING 2:<br />
DETECTION OF<br />
INNER WOUNDS<br />
AND MY<br />
CONFESSIONS<br />
HOW TO DETECT<br />
INNER WOUNDS<br />
GROUP-SESSIONS<br />
ON INNER<br />
HEALING<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 3 60 MINUTES HOW TO RECEIVE<br />
HEALING<br />
STEPS OF<br />
PREPARATION<br />
HOW TO<br />
FORGIVE<br />
OTHERS<br />
CONNECTION<br />
BETWEEN GOOD &<br />
EVIL AND<br />
IMPULSES &<br />
THOUGHTS I<br />
MYSELF AM<br />
RESPONSIBLE FOR<br />
MY THOUGHTS.<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4 60 MINUTES INNER HEALING IN<br />
BRIEF<br />
HOW TO<br />
OVERCOME<br />
UNWILLINGNES<br />
S TO FORGIVE<br />
OTHERS.<br />
MAINTAIN INNER<br />
HEALING 2: MY<br />
CONFESSIONS<br />
185
UNIT 17: INNER HEALING 1: AN OVERVIEW<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 17- 19 PRAYER COUNSELLING, FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION<br />
UNIT 17 UNIT 18 UNIT 19<br />
INNER HEALING 1:<br />
AN OVERVIEW<br />
SESSION 1 60 MINUTES THE<br />
WOUNDED<br />
HEART: ITS<br />
DEFINITION<br />
SOURCE OF<br />
HURTS:<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 2 60 MINUTES HURTS NEVER<br />
JUST GO AWAY!<br />
SOME SYMPTOMS:<br />
PHYSICAL, MENTAL<br />
AND SPIRITUAL.<br />
“UNGODLY<br />
BELIEVES ABOUT<br />
OURSELVES”<br />
STEPS OF<br />
FORGIVENESS<br />
PROCESS AS A<br />
PART OF INNER<br />
HEALING<br />
OVERVIEW OF<br />
RECONCILIATIO<br />
N WITH FAMILY<br />
LIFE AND MY<br />
PAST<br />
HOW TO DEAL<br />
WITH SINS<br />
DONE BY<br />
OTHERS TO<br />
ME.<br />
INNER HEALING 2:<br />
DETECTION OF<br />
INNER WOUNDS<br />
AND MY<br />
CONFESSIONS<br />
HOW TO DETECT<br />
INNER WOUNDS<br />
GROUP-SESSIONS<br />
ON INNER<br />
HEALING<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 3 60 MINUTES HOW TO RECEIVE<br />
HEALING<br />
STEPS OF<br />
PREPARATION<br />
HOW TO<br />
FORGIVE<br />
OTHERS<br />
CONNECTION<br />
BETWEEN GOOD &<br />
EVIL AND<br />
IMPULSES &<br />
THOUGHTS I<br />
MYSELF AM<br />
RESPONSIBLE FOR<br />
MY THOUGHTS.<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4 60 MINUTES INNER HEALING IN<br />
BRIEF<br />
HOW TO<br />
OVERCOME<br />
UNWILLINGNES<br />
S TO FORGIVE<br />
OTHERS.<br />
MAINTAIN INNER<br />
HEALING 2: MY<br />
CONFESSIONS<br />
186
LEVEL 1 UNIT 17 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1<br />
TOPIC: THE WOUNDED HEART: ITS DEFINITION AND SOURCE<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know the source of your inner wounds.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To learn the definition of inner wounds.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> To become aware of the lies (destructive beliefs) formed in you due to<br />
inner wounds.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
1 Teaching about the wounded heart: its definition and its source<br />
Teacher can illustrate his wounded experience from childhood<br />
20 Minutes<br />
2 All could share their one or two wounded experience from childhood<br />
in brief in groups of 3 members. All could pay attention to their feelings<br />
and thoughts from those experience.<br />
3 Plenary session for collating ideas with regard to the lies (destructive beliefs)<br />
due to inner wounds that disrupt our relationships with people and with God<br />
25 Minutes<br />
15 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: THE WOUNDED HEART:<br />
ITS DEFINITION<br />
A wounded heart occurs when someone or something brings hurt to your emotions.<br />
"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18.<br />
SOURCE OF HURTS:<br />
RESULT OF OFFENCE BROUGHT TO US FROM OTHERS:<br />
(People say and do things to hurt us) Proverbs 12:18<br />
An emotional bruise occurs often when someone receives a blow (a cut) to their personal identity.<br />
These blows usually come from those in authority (parents, teachers, and even ministers) or those<br />
whom the individual considers to be in a position of authority. It may occur in any number of ways, but<br />
here are a few illustrations.<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Let's say there is a young man who has a stern and critical dad. The young man may try his best to<br />
live up to the expectations of his father, but never makes it. He is told by his father, "You are just<br />
lazy and will never amount to anything."<br />
<strong>2.</strong> There is a young girl who is somewhat chubby, but all her peers are slender. She looks to her peers<br />
for approval, but they tease her by calling her "little pig".<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Sometimes in families, there are two children who are about the same age. The parents chose one<br />
187
as the favourite over the other. The less favoured one sees him/herself as "the family reject".<br />
4. Sometimes parents make stupid statements to a child comparing the child to a disliked family<br />
relative. They may say, "You are just like Aunt ______ ."<br />
5. Often preachers abuse their flocks by declaring, "You may be saved, but you are still just a sinner."<br />
6. Some place their identity in their job, ministry, family, or natural skills and when those fail, it gives a<br />
blow to the individual's identity, even a loss of identity.<br />
7. Finally, we may also inflict emotional bruises upon ourselves. We may make negative and<br />
destructive comments about ourselves, such as "I am just dumb." written by Dr Basil Frasure<br />
Points 1-7 © by Whole Person Counseling, Basil Frasure, PhD, used by permission<br />
http://www.wholeperson-counseling.org<br />
There are many lies that disrupt our relationships with people and with God. Here are a few common<br />
ones:<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I'm worthless, hopeless and can never change.<br />
God is no better than my natural father. If I couldn't please or trust my father, I can't trust God too.<br />
Satan doesn't exist and has no influence on me. (Satan loves to work hidden so that you think his<br />
lies are your own thoughts.)<br />
I'm unforgivable.<br />
I must look after my own interests and stay in control.<br />
I must keep worrying about my future since God can't be trusted.<br />
I must fight my way to my goals.<br />
The renewal is unscriptural, hysterical or demonic. God doesn't work that way.<br />
I'll never receive anything from God so I might as well stop asking.<br />
I'm spiritual enough; I don't need any more refining. I can just relax.<br />
I can never change. It's my nature.<br />
I can never forgive them.<br />
If we recognize that we are listening to lies, then we must ask God to expose them and free us from<br />
them.<br />
188
LEVEL 1 UNIT 17 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
TOPIC: HURTS NEVER JUST GO AWAY!<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Learn to know deeply what happens in you through the hurts of inner wounds.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Identify the symptoms of your inner hurts namely physical, mental and spiritual.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching while students listen actively 30 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> All will work out the LIST OF UNGODLY BELIEFS ABOUT OURSELVES 10 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> In groups of three all could share each one’s main 3 ungodly beliefs they<br />
detected in the list. That takes 7 Minutes each.<br />
20 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
Hurts Never Just Go Away!<br />
Hurts never just go away! Time will not bring complete healing to them. Whenever you remember the<br />
bitter experience, you feel hurt. Some people will even block out their memory so that they won't have<br />
to face hurt feelings, but they are still there.<br />
Some symptoms: physical, mental and spiritual, by Dr. Basil Frasure<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Physical<br />
Proverbs 17:22 “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Nerve disorders<br />
Allergies<br />
Stomach problems<br />
Heart aches<br />
Insomnia<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Mental<br />
Proverbs 18:14 “A man's spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?”<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Depression<br />
Fits of anger and rage<br />
Confusion<br />
Various fears<br />
Shyness<br />
189
Dominance<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Spiritual<br />
Matthew 18:34 “In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay<br />
back all he owed.”<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Nightmares<br />
Hearing voices<br />
Seeing unusual things<br />
Lack of control of self<br />
“Ungodly Believes about Ourselves”, by Dr. Basil Frasure<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Result from our own sinful behaviour.<br />
Psalms 25:18 “Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins.”<br />
Proverbs 17:19 “He who loves a quarrel loves sin; he who builds a high gate invites destruction.”<br />
II Samuel 24:10. “David was conscience-stricken after he had counted the fighting men, and he said to<br />
the LORD, "I have sinned greatly in what I have done. Now, O LORD, I beg you, take away the guilt of<br />
your servant. I have done a very foolish thing."<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Result from a calamity.<br />
Job 3:25-26. “What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me.<br />
I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil."<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Result of the sins of the forefathers.<br />
Exodus 34:6-7. “And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The LORD, the LORD, the<br />
compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love<br />
to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished;<br />
he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation."<br />
4. Result from drug and alcohol use.<br />
Proverbs 23:29-35. “Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has<br />
needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine, who go to sample bowls of<br />
mixed wine. Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down<br />
smoothly! In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper. Your eyes will see strange sights and<br />
your mind imagine confusing things. You will be like one sleeping on the high seas, lying on top of the<br />
rigging. "They hit me," you will say, "but I'm not hurt! They beat me, but I don't feel it! When will I wake<br />
up so I can find another drink?"<br />
5. Result from occult involvement.<br />
Leviticus 20:6. "I will set my face against the person who turns to mediums and spiritists to prostitute<br />
himself by following them, and I will cut him off from his people.”<br />
This teaching above is copyrighted by Whole Person Counseling, Basil Frasure, PhD, and used by<br />
permission, http://www.wholeperson-counseling.org<br />
190
LIST OF UNGODLY BELIEFS ABOUT OURSELVES by Betsy and Chester Kylstra<br />
Theme: Rejection, Not Belonging<br />
____<strong>1.</strong> I don't belong. I will always be on the outside (left out).<br />
____<strong>2.</strong> My feelings don't count. No one cares what I feel.<br />
____<strong>3.</strong> No one will love me or care about me just for myself.<br />
____4. I will always be lonely. The special man (woman) in my life will not be there for me.<br />
____5. I will isolate myself so that I won't be vulnerable to hurt, rejection, etc., any more.<br />
____6. ___________________________________________________________________<br />
Theme: Unworthiness, Guilt, Shame<br />
____<strong>1.</strong> I am not worthy to receive anything from God.<br />
____<strong>2.</strong> I am the problem. When something is wrong, it is my fault.<br />
____<strong>3.</strong> I am a bad person. If you knew the real me, you would reject me.<br />
____4. I must wear a mask so that people won't find out how horrible I am and reject me.<br />
____5. I have messed up so badly that I have missed God's best for me.<br />
____6. ___________________________________________________________________<br />
Theme: Doing to achieve Self-worth, Value, Recognition<br />
____<strong>1.</strong> I will never get credit for what I do.<br />
____<strong>2.</strong> My value is in what I do. I am valuable because I do good to others, because I am<br />
"successful".<br />
____<strong>3.</strong> Even when I do/give my best, it is not good enough. I can never meet the standard.<br />
____4. I will choose to be passive in order to avoid conflict that would risk others' disapproval.<br />
____5. God doesn't care if I have a "secret life", as long as I appear to be good.<br />
____6. ___________________________________________________________________<br />
Theme: Control (to avoid hurt)<br />
____<strong>1.</strong> I have to plan every day of my life. I have to continually plan/strategize. I can't relax.<br />
____<strong>2.</strong> The perfect life is one in which no conflict is allowed so there is peace.<br />
____<strong>3.</strong> If I don’t do it, who will?<br />
____4. ___________________________________________________________________<br />
Theme: Physical<br />
____<strong>1.</strong> I am unattractive. God shortchanged me.<br />
____<strong>2.</strong> I am doomed to have certain physical disabilities. They are just part of what I have<br />
inherited.<br />
____<strong>3.</strong> It is impossible to lose weight (or gain weight). I am just stuck.<br />
____4. I am not competent/complete as a man (woman).<br />
____5. ___________________________________________________________________<br />
Theme: Personality Traits<br />
____<strong>1.</strong> I will always be (angry, shy, jealous, insecure, fearful, etc.).<br />
____<strong>2.</strong> ___________________________________________________________________<br />
Theme: Identity<br />
____<strong>1.</strong> I should have been a boy (girl). Then my parents would have valued/loved me more,<br />
etc.<br />
____<strong>2.</strong> Men (women) have it better.<br />
____<strong>3.</strong> I will never be known or appreciated for my real self.<br />
____4. I will never really change and be as God wants me to be.<br />
____5. ___________________________________________________________________<br />
Theme: Miscellaneous<br />
____<strong>1.</strong> I have wasted a lot of time and energy, some of my best years.<br />
191
____2 Turmoil is normal for me.<br />
____<strong>3.</strong> I will always have financial problems.<br />
____4. ___________________________________________________________________<br />
Theme: Safety/Protection<br />
____<strong>1.</strong> I must be very guarded about what I say, since anything I say may be used against<br />
me.<br />
____<strong>2.</strong> I have to guard and hide my emotions and feelings. I cannot give anyone the satisfaction of<br />
knowing that they have wounded or hurt me. I'll not be vulnerable,<br />
humiliated, or shamed.<br />
____<strong>3.</strong> ___________________________________________________________________<br />
____4. ___________________________________________________________________<br />
Theme: Retaliation<br />
____I. The correct way to respond if someone offends me is to punish them by withdrawing<br />
and/or cutting them off.<br />
____<strong>2.</strong> ___________________________________________________________________<br />
____<strong>3.</strong> ___________________________________________________________________<br />
Theme: Victim<br />
____<strong>1.</strong> Authority figures will humiliate me and violate me.<br />
____<strong>2.</strong> They will just use and abuse me.<br />
____<strong>3.</strong> My value is based totally on others' judgment/prescription about me.<br />
____4. I am completely under their authority .I have no will or choice of my own.<br />
____5. I will not be known, understood, loved, or appreciated for who I am by those<br />
close to me.<br />
____6. ___________________________________________________________________<br />
____7. ___________________________________________________________________<br />
Theme: Hopelessness/Helplessness<br />
____<strong>1.</strong> I am out there all alone. If I get into trouble or need help, there is no one to<br />
rescue me.<br />
____<strong>2.</strong> ___________________________________________________________________<br />
____<strong>3.</strong> ___________________________________________________________________<br />
Theme: Defective in Relationships<br />
____<strong>1.</strong> I will never be able to fully give or receive love. I don't know what it is.<br />
____<strong>2.</strong> If I let anyone get close to me, I may get my heart broken again. I can't let myself risk it.<br />
____<strong>3.</strong> If l fail to please you, I won't receive your pleasure and acceptance of me. Therefore,<br />
I must strive even more. I must do whatever is necessary to try to please you.<br />
____4. ___________________________________________________________________<br />
____5. ___________________________________________________________________<br />
Theme: God<br />
____<strong>1.</strong> God loves others more than He loves me.<br />
____<strong>2.</strong> God only values me for what I do. My life is just a means to an end.<br />
____<strong>3.</strong> No matter how much I try, I'll never be able to do enough or do it well enough to<br />
please God.<br />
____4. God is judging me when I relax. I have to stay busy about His work or He will<br />
abandon me.<br />
____5. God has let me down before. He may do it again. I can't trust Him, or feel secure<br />
with Him.<br />
____6. ___________________________________________________________________<br />
____7. ___________________________________________________________________<br />
Printed by permission by: © Restoring The Foundations 2nd Edition-13 Application Questionnaire.<br />
See Restoring The Foundations website at www.restoringthefoundations.org<br />
192
LEVEL 1 UNIT 17 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
TOPIC: HOW TO RECEIVE HEALING<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Learn to know the steps of the preparation for getting inner healing<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Learn to know the steps of how to receive inner healing.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
1 A demonstration of receiving inner healing is conducted before every body<br />
by two teachers, one is counsellor and the other is counselee. They go<br />
60 Minutes<br />
through seven steps of receiving healing given in teaching<br />
30 Minutes<br />
2 Plenary session for observation and feedback on the counselling session. 20 Minutes<br />
3 Question and Answer 10 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
How To Receive Healing, by Dr. Basil Frasure<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Make a list of your hurts.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Begin with the greatest first.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Ask God go cleanse your heart of all wrong attitudes (anger, bitterness, lust, unforgiveness, hate,<br />
revenge).<br />
Isaiah 1:18, "Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet,<br />
they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.”<br />
Isaiah 51:10, “Was it not you who dried up the sea, the waters of the great deep, who made a road in<br />
the depths of the sea so that the redeemed might cross over?”<br />
1 John 1:9. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from<br />
all unrighteousness.<br />
4. Picture your experience of being hurt in your mind.<br />
5. Now picture Jesus suffering the same hurt for you and overcoming it by his own death and<br />
resurrection.<br />
1 Peter 2:24. “He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for<br />
righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.”<br />
6. Next picture in your mind the resurrected Jesus offering healing to you. Listen to Jesus, he surely<br />
wants to give you a word.<br />
Luke 4:18-19. "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to<br />
the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to<br />
release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour."<br />
7. In faith ASK God to heal your heart in the name of Jesus.<br />
Ezekiel 36:26, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart<br />
of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”<br />
John 16:2<strong>3.</strong> “In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you<br />
whatever you ask in my name.”<br />
193
NOTE: You should ask the Holy Spirit to reveal other hurts in your life that they may also be<br />
healed. Psalm 139:23-24. The Hebrew word that is translated "thoughts" literally means "disquieting<br />
thoughts" or the thoughts that keep us restless. The phrase that is translated "any wicked way" would<br />
be better translated "any way of pain". Therefore, we are to ask God to reveal to us any inner conflicts,<br />
show to us our emotional wounds, and then lead us in the way everlasting.<br />
Steps of preparation for getting inner healing:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Give your heart to Jesus and let Him to become your Lord. (Lord = ruler)<br />
Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God<br />
raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”<br />
Philippians 2: 9, 10 “Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is<br />
above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and<br />
under the earth”<br />
<strong>2.</strong> If you have offended someone else, then confess your offence and ask them to forgive you.<br />
Matthew 5:23-24, "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your<br />
brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled<br />
to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”<br />
1 Peter 3:16. “Keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good<br />
behaviour in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.”<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Forgive (release) the person who has hurt you.<br />
Mathew 6:12, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”<br />
Mathew6:14-15. “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also<br />
forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”<br />
4. Put their judgment into God's hands and then ask God to forgive them for their offence toward you.<br />
Luke 23:24, “So Pilate decided to grant their demand.”<br />
Acts 7:60. “Then he fell on his knees and cried out, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them."<br />
When he had said this, he fell asleep.”<br />
5. Yield your rights to God (possessions, respect, family, expectations).<br />
Matthew 19:21, “Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the<br />
poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."<br />
1Peter 5:5-6, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due<br />
time.”<br />
Luke 18:22, “When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have<br />
and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."<br />
Mark 8:34-37, Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come<br />
after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life<br />
will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to<br />
gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?”<br />
Psalm 119:165. Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble.<br />
WARNING: A wounded heart that doesn't receive healing is possibly an open door for evil spirits.<br />
Ephesians 4:26-27, "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and<br />
194
do not give the devil a foothold.<br />
1Peter 5:8, Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy, the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking<br />
for someone to devour.<br />
Genesis 4:4-7,” If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is<br />
crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."<br />
Matthew 18:21-35. “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my<br />
brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times,<br />
but seventy-seven times.” Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle<br />
accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was<br />
brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children<br />
and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. "The servant fell on his knees before him.’Be patient with<br />
me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, cancelled the<br />
debt and let him go. "But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him<br />
a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he<br />
demanded. "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you<br />
back.' "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the<br />
debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told<br />
their master everything that had happened. "Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked<br />
servant,' he said, 'I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had<br />
mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to<br />
be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of<br />
you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."<br />
God’ provision<br />
<strong>1.</strong> God cares about your broken heart. Psalms 34:18, 51:17.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> God healed David's heart and He will also heal yours. Psalm 147:3, Hebrews 13:8.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Jesus was sent to heal the broken hearted. Luke 4:18.<br />
4. Jesus, Himself, suffered all the hurts that one could suffer. Isaiah 53:1-12, John 1:11, Luke 22:57,<br />
23:35-37, Matthew 27:46.<br />
5. Through the suffering of Jesus, God has provided the healing for your hurts. Isaiah 53:5.<br />
6. God desires to heal your hurts. I Peter 5:7.<br />
7. God must have control of your whole heart before He can heal it. Jeremiah 29:13, Revelation 3:20<br />
Note: God will (normally) only change what he has control over.<br />
The ways people respond:<br />
Some people respond by backing away from the situation to allow time for healing. They often turn<br />
inward and brood over their hurts. The hurts become like a big sore risen just waiting for someone<br />
to prick it with a sharp word, then out comes all the corruption of anger, bitterness, hate,<br />
revenge, and fear. The rejection they then receive brings more hurts.<br />
Others respond by immediately striking back trying to balance their hurt with anger and revenge or<br />
by trying to protect themselves from further hurt to allow time for healing. However, scar tissue<br />
(hardness of heart) soon appears. As they enter into relationships, they are rejected for their<br />
hardness and receive more hurts. Please understand that one receives healing only through the<br />
intervention of God.<br />
Be aware: Forgiving people does not mean that you automatically should trust them. As an<br />
example: An abusing father is still dangerous for you and you should avoid to be alone with him.<br />
This teaching above is copyrighted by Whole Person Counseling, Basil Frasure, PhD, and used by<br />
permission, http://www.wholeperson-counseling.org<br />
195
LEVEL 1 UNIT 17 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC: INNER HEALING IN BRIEF<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Learn to acquire inner healing through its steps in brief<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Learn to look at man and woman with God’s sight.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching 15 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> All sit in group of three; one is counsellor, second is counselee and third is observer.<br />
Each one can take one real hurtful incident:<br />
Each one spends 10 Minutes to go through the steps guided by the counsellor.<br />
After each session observer uses 5 Minutes for feedback.<br />
45 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Alternatively: only two share one real hurtful incident and spend 20 minutes each.<br />
TEACHING:<br />
Inner Healing In Brief, by Dr. Basil Frasure<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Accuse the person who has offended you in the presence of the Lord (not in the presence of the<br />
particular person) and then forgive him. (Matthew 6:12, Matthew 6: 14-15, Matthew 18:21-35).<br />
a. Others<br />
b. God<br />
c. Self<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Place the judgment of the offender/s into God's hands and ask Him to forgive them.<br />
(Luke 23:34, Acts 7:60).<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Confess your own sins to God: unforgiveness, anger, bitterness, hate, revenge, thoughts of murder,<br />
suicide, guilt, fear, etc.<br />
a. Ask God to forgive you and to cleanse you. (I John 1:9) (A wound needs to be cleansed of dirt<br />
before it can be healed).<br />
b. If you feel that anger or something else is still there, then: (A wound needs to be cleansed of<br />
infection also).<br />
(1) Bind the emotion or spiritual power in the name of Jesus. (Matthew 12:29, 16:19)<br />
(2) Command it to leave in the name of Jesus. (Mark 16:17)<br />
(3) Then ask the Holy Spirit if you are clear of the spirit.<br />
(4) If you are not clear, then that spirit is attracted to another.<br />
(5) Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the other spirit.<br />
196
(6) Then bind and cast all of them out in the name of Jesus.<br />
4. Ask God to heal you of the hurts through the suffering of Jesus and by the power of the Holy Spirit.<br />
(Luke 4:18, Isaiah. 53:4, Psalms 147:3) (Pray until you are healed).<br />
5. Ask God to fill your heart with His love and the power of the Holy Spirit so that you can view the<br />
memory through God's love and from His perspective of truth. (Ephesians 3:17-19). (We have a<br />
tendency to colour our memories).<br />
NOTE [1]: We should ask the Holy Spirit to bring to our minds each and every hurtful memory that<br />
we have experienced, that we may, by God's grace, walk through these steps and receive healing<br />
for every one of them. (Romans 8:16) “The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's<br />
children.”<br />
NOTE [2]: The Holy Spirit will comfort us and guide us through each memory as we invite Him to<br />
do so. (John 14:18) “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.”<br />
NOTE [3]: God doesn't want to waste any of our experiences of hurts, freedom and healing, but wants<br />
us to share them with others as directed of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 8:28-29, “And we know that in all<br />
things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.<br />
For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might<br />
be the firstborn among many brothers.”<br />
2 Corinthians 2:15-16 “For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and<br />
those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And<br />
who is equal to such a task?”<br />
This teaching above is copyrighted by Whole Person Counseling, Basil Frasure, PhD, and used by<br />
permission, http://www.wholeperson-counseling.org<br />
About the Author<br />
The author of this article, Dr. Basil Frasure, is an Ordained Minister and Counsellor. He currently serves as a<br />
Pastoral Counsellor with Whole Person Counselling of San Angelo, Texas. He has a Master of Divinity Degree<br />
and a Ph.D. Degree in Christian Counselling. He is a faithful minister, an effective counsellor, and an able<br />
teacher of the Word of God. He is also a member of American Association of Christian Counsellors.<br />
He has previously authored How To Destroy The Evil Tree, an informative book on overcoming generational<br />
curses. More recently, he has authored Bringing Every Thought Captive, Vol. 1, an informative manual on<br />
Whole Person Counselling and also a great self-help book. He also has designed and taught competent<br />
counselling courses. The material and graphics in this article , "The Wounded Heart", were taken from<br />
Bringing Every Thought Captive, Vol. 1, copyrighted, 1996, by Basil Frasure, Ph.D.<br />
Dr. Basil Frasure, replenished by Jörg George <strong>Schori</strong><br />
197
UNIT 18: STEPS OF FORGIVENESS PROCESS AS A PART OF INNER HEALING<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 17- 19 PRAYER COUNSELLING, FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION<br />
UNIT 17 UNIT 18 UNIT 19<br />
INNER HEALING 1:<br />
AN OVERVIEW<br />
SESSION 1 60 MINUTES THE<br />
WOUNDED<br />
HEART: ITS<br />
DEFINITION<br />
SOURCE OF<br />
HURTS:<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 2 60 MINUTES HURTS NEVER<br />
JUST GO AWAY!<br />
SOME SYMPTOMS:<br />
PHYSICAL, MENTAL<br />
AND SPIRITUAL.<br />
“UNGODLY<br />
BELIEVES ABOUT<br />
OURSELVES”<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 3 60 MINUTES HOW TO RECEIVE<br />
HEALING<br />
STEPS OF<br />
PREPARATION<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4 60 MINUTES INNER HEALING IN<br />
BRIEF<br />
STEPS OF<br />
FORGIVENESS<br />
PROCESS AS A<br />
PART OF INNER<br />
HEALING<br />
OVERVIEW OF<br />
RECONCILIATIO<br />
N WITH FAMILY<br />
LIFE AND MY<br />
PAST<br />
HOW TO DEAL<br />
WITH SINS<br />
DONE BY<br />
OTHERS TO<br />
ME.<br />
HOW TO<br />
FORGIVE<br />
OTHERS<br />
HOW TO<br />
OVERCOME<br />
UNWILLINGNES<br />
S TO FORGIVE<br />
OTHERS.<br />
INNER HEALING 2:<br />
DETECTION OF<br />
INNER WOUNDS<br />
AND MY<br />
CONFESSIONS<br />
HOW TO DETECT<br />
INNER WOUNDS<br />
GROUP-SESSIONS<br />
ON INNER<br />
HEALING<br />
CONNECTION<br />
BETWEEN GOOD &<br />
EVIL AND<br />
IMPULSES &<br />
THOUGHTS I<br />
MYSELF AM<br />
RESPONSIBLE FOR<br />
MY THOUGHTS.<br />
MAINTAIN INNER<br />
HEALING 2: MY<br />
CONFESSIONS<br />
198
LEVEL 1 UNIT 18 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
OVERVIEW OF RECONCILIATION WITH FAMILY LIFE AND MY PAST<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know the source of good and bad things happened in my<br />
life especially in the past.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> To learn to reconcile with my past life especially in the family.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> To become aware of the sins done by others to me and also<br />
reconcile with those people.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching about the overview of reconciliation with family life and my past<br />
And how to deal with the sine done to us by others<br />
20 Minutes<br />
2 Discuss in groups of three: 25 Minutes<br />
How do parents sin against their children?<br />
How do the children sin against each other?<br />
How do children sin against the parents?<br />
How do teachers sin against their students?<br />
How do Christians sin against Christians?<br />
3 Plenary session for collating ideas with regard to the sins done<br />
by others that disrupts our relationships with people and with God.<br />
15 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
OVERVIEW OF RECONCILIATION WITH FAMILY LIFE AND MY PAST:<br />
INTRODUCTION<br />
“Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving<br />
you.” (Exodus 20:12)<br />
For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver and gold that you were redeemed<br />
from the empty way of life handed down to you from the forefathers, but with the precious blood of<br />
Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. (<strong>1.</strong>Pt 1:18-19)<br />
Both are true!<br />
When I look at my family or my family members or my position in my original family: What do I see? A<br />
mixture of good and bad things. The Power of sin. My personality is a result of different powers, having<br />
worked deeply on my, body, mind, soul, spirit.<br />
Blind fate? Accidentally, without sense and purpose? Am I a poor victim of inconvenient and unhappy<br />
circumstances being condemned to life long suffering because of that? Does God prefer some people<br />
by placing them into good families? No!<br />
He wants me to reconcile with my family situation, with my childhood and youth within my family no<br />
matter, how it was in terms of happiness or quality. Honour your past family life but be and live<br />
redeemed of it! Or: Take it out of God’s hands, let it be your friend, helping you, but do not let it rule<br />
over you.<br />
199
THE DETAILS OF RECONCILIATION WITH OUR PAST<br />
Study your past family life<br />
Do not let it sit on you shoulder, invisible but oppressive. Look into the eyes and in the face of your<br />
past, listen to your past, analyze it, and study your family. Be a good observer of your own past and<br />
then of the past of the counselee.<br />
Study your family position. What did it to you? How did it shape you? What did you do with it? When<br />
your position was difficult, did you decrease the harm or increase the harm by your reactions? Did you<br />
make it worse or better?<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Grieve and mourn for the things you missed<br />
Let come out your hurts and pains. Weep, if necessary. Be not ashamed of that. There were problems.<br />
And people did sin against you. And sometimes or even often it was very difficult for you indeed.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Accuse and speak forgiveness to your family members<br />
On next session we will hear more about that.<br />
Name the sins in detail and forgive it in the presence of God.<br />
Example: Lord, my brother has touched me so often in such a shameful way…I hate him for that! But<br />
now I want to forgive him with your help and by your grace.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Pray for forgiveness for your own sins and sinful reactions<br />
Example: To gain power about my younger sister, because I was so jealous of her, because my mother<br />
preferred her, I accused her often falsely and said bad things about her to my mother. And still today I<br />
have that tendency to judge others around me to improve my position…<br />
4. Accept your past family life as God’s moulding hand<br />
It was not an accident! God placed you purposefully, deliberately there. He wanted to use your parents<br />
and your siblings to shape your life according to the purpose and calling of your life:<br />
“All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be (Ps 139:16)<br />
And before in verse 15 of Psalm 139: “When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes<br />
saw my unformed body.”<br />
And this weaving process continues, when someone is borne!<br />
God wanted to use our parents, sisters and brothers to weave into our character his desired pattern<br />
according to the plans and callings which already had been in his mind for our lives. And often we spoil<br />
or sabotage that pattern by our sinful reaction, but fortunately there will be enough good traces left, the<br />
Lord still can use it and cleanse it and restore it.<br />
200
HOW TO DEAL WITH SINS DONE BY OTHERS TO ME.<br />
Most important scripture to understand how to deal with sins done to me is<br />
Matthew 18:21-35<br />
Introduction<br />
• Bitterness, Hatred, Resistance to forgive others is common and widespread. It was on the earth<br />
since earliest times:<br />
Gen 4: 23-24. “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if<br />
there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”<br />
Matthew 18:21 “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother<br />
when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"<br />
Romans 12:19 “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is<br />
mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.”<br />
• Others have sinned and will sin against us as a matter of fact<br />
Matthew 18:21 “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother<br />
when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"<br />
Col 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.<br />
Forgive as the Lord forgave you.<br />
2Tim 4:16 “At my first defence, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be<br />
held against them.”<br />
• To refuse to forgive others will be answered by God to withhold or even withdraw his forgiveness to<br />
us<br />
Matthew 18:32-35 “Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I cancelled all<br />
that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant<br />
just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should<br />
pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your<br />
brother from your heart."<br />
Matthew 6:12-15 “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into<br />
temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your<br />
heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not<br />
forgive your sins.”<br />
Eph 4:26-27 “In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not<br />
give the devil a foothold.”<br />
Luke 6:37 “Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.<br />
Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”<br />
• Often we forgive others too superficially It does not bring fruit. It is not really from the heart.<br />
201
LEVEL 1 UNIT 18 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
HOW TO FORGIVE OTHERS1<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Learn to know the different aspects in the act of forgiving.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Learn to know the various steps in leading towards the forgiving act as a<br />
matter of decision prompted by God.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> TEACHING: (Read as a group through Matthew 18:22-35.) 15 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Group assignment in plenary 15 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> TEACHING Matthew 18 10 Minutes<br />
4. Group assignment in plenary 10 Minutes<br />
5. Individual Assignment 10 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: (Read as a group through Matthew 18:22-35 (15 Minutes)<br />
How to forgive others<br />
Introductory remarks<br />
We stay close to Matthew 18:21-35.<br />
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he<br />
sins against me? Up to seven times?"<br />
22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.<br />
23 "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.<br />
24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.<br />
25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that<br />
he had be sold to repay the debt.<br />
26 "The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back<br />
everything.'<br />
27 The servant's master took pity on him, cancelled the debt and let him go.<br />
28 "But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred<br />
denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.<br />
29 "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'<br />
30 "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.<br />
31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told<br />
their master everything that had happened.<br />
32 "Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I cancelled all that debt of<br />
yours because you begged me to.<br />
34 In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he<br />
owed.<br />
35 "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your<br />
heart."<br />
202
Notice: It is usually not one short action, but a whole process. This process is well illustrated in Matthew<br />
18: 22-35<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Group assignment in plenary (15 Minutes)<br />
Discuss:<br />
What do we learn about forgiveness?<br />
Consider the master: What did he exactly do?<br />
How can we apply that?<br />
<strong>3.</strong> TEACHING: 10 Minutes<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Verse 21: Who is the “Brother”?<br />
Not a strange person, but a person whom live with, whom we often see: Father, mother, teacher, sister,<br />
friend, pastor, leader, fellow worker and so on.<br />
Keep in mind: The nearer a person is to you, the more it hurts, when he sins against you and the more<br />
difficult it is to forgive, because you trusted him and you feel betrayed.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Verse 22: True Forgiveness is unlimited<br />
How often shall I forgive my “brother”? Jesus does not leave any possibility to limit forgiveness. But to<br />
be able to do that we must consider the whole process!<br />
The next step:<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Verse 23: Settling accounts!<br />
We must take time and diligence to that. Forgiveness starts with good book-keeping. Naming the sins<br />
as precisely as possible.<br />
Very often we forgive too fast, too superficial, too “foggy”, too imprecisely. We hesitate to go into<br />
details, but it is necessary.<br />
We have to go to the court of justice, we have to accuse (put forward our say), but not to judge, to<br />
condemn, to punish! Sometimes this takes day or even weeks.<br />
4. Group assignment in plenary (10 Minutes)<br />
Discuss: What is the difference between accusing (We are allowed to do that), and condemning and<br />
judging (We are not allowed to do that)?<br />
5. Individual Assignment (10 Minutes)<br />
Think of one hurtful incident in your childhood, when someone sinned against you. Take time to<br />
remember, to visualize the incident, to feel the pain.<br />
What did happen exactly?<br />
Write it down on a white paper as precisely and as thoroughly as possible:<br />
Who did it, how, how often, what was the result, how did you feel and so on?<br />
203
LEVEL 1 UNIT 18 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
TOPIC: HOW TO FORGIVE OTHERS 2<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Learn to know the different aspects in the act of forgiving.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Learn to know the various steps in leading towards the forgiving act as a<br />
matter of decision and compassion prompted by God.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
The continuation of the previous session.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Based on the previous session, after going through the hurtful<br />
incident, we think what we are going to do with that incident.<br />
Write down your word of decision on the incident especially<br />
with the person who did that. What do you in your heart want<br />
to do with the accused person? What ever comes in your mind,<br />
do write them on a sheet of paper. It takes ten Minutes.<br />
10 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> TEACHING: 15 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Group assignment in plenary 20 Minutes<br />
4. TEAHING: 15 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> TEACHING: (15 Minutes)<br />
4. Verse 27a: Taking pity (Feeling mercy)<br />
“The servants master took pity on him.” How can I do that, if someone destroyed my life?<br />
- God takes my accusation very serious<br />
Luke 18:6-8 “And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about<br />
justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off?<br />
Rev 6:10-11 “They called out in a loud voice, "How long, Sovereign Lord, holy and true, until you judge<br />
the inhabitants of the earth and avenge our blood?" Then each of them was given a white robe, and<br />
they were told to wait a little longer, until the number of their fellow servants and brothers who were to<br />
be killed as they had been was completed.”<br />
Romans 12:19 “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is<br />
mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.”<br />
- My adversary will be judged and punished by God!<br />
Rom 2:6 “God "will give to each person according to what he has done."<br />
204
<strong>2.</strong> Tim 4:14 “Keep reminding them of these things. Warn them before God against quarrelling about<br />
words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen.”<br />
Jud 1: 14-15 “Enoch, the seventh from Adam, prophesied about these men: "See, the Lord is coming<br />
with thousands upon thousands of his holy ones to judge everyone, and to convict all the ungodly of all<br />
the ungodly acts they have done in the ungodly way, and of all the harsh words ungodly sinners have<br />
spoken against him."<br />
Rev 20:12 “And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened.<br />
Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had<br />
done as recorded in the books.”<br />
Matthew 12:36-37 “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every<br />
careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be<br />
condemned."<br />
- My adversary is in a terrible situation!<br />
5. Verse 27b: Cancelling the debt<br />
This has to be spoken out clearly and precisely. “I forgive....that he.......I put away this sin between him<br />
and me....<br />
- Not a feeling but a decision, a legal act in the heart<br />
- A decision not to take avenges, to punish, to judge, to reproach anymore<br />
See<br />
Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is<br />
mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.<br />
Matthew 18:28-30<br />
“28 But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred<br />
denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.<br />
29 "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'<br />
30 "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the<br />
debt.<br />
- “I stop to punish you, stop to curse you, and stop to give room for evil thoughts<br />
about you”.<br />
- I do not mention your sin any more<br />
205
- My door is open for the development of a new relationship<br />
(see the father of the lost son!)<br />
- Stopping to hold someone captive in my own heart<br />
- Releasing someone of any obligations:<br />
“I forgive you = I do not expect from you any longer to pay back your debts to me”.<br />
- What about Verses 31-35: Withdrawing our forgiveness?<br />
- God may do this, but we are not allowed to do this.<br />
- This is exclusively God’s business!<br />
- We have to stick to our decision and to return to it as often as necessary!<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Group assignment in plenary (20 Minutes)<br />
Discuss: what is the difference between forgetting and forgiving in the context of cancelling of debts?<br />
What is the difference between feeling and decision in the context of forgiving?<br />
4. TEACHING: 15 Minutes<br />
6. Words and Actions of blessing<br />
Rom 12:14+20 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. On the contrary: "If your<br />
enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap<br />
burning coals on his head."<br />
1Pt 3:9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called<br />
so that you may inherit a blessing.<br />
1Thess 5:15 Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other<br />
and to everyone else.<br />
We read in Verses 28+30: “....<br />
He grabbed him and began to choke him...<br />
He went of and had the man thrown into prison...”<br />
Discuss: How do we today “grab”, and “choke” and “imprison” people?<br />
What are favourite methods of private revenge? (Example: nagging, throwing tantrums...)<br />
206
LEVEL 1 UNIT 18 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
HOW TO OVERCOME UNWILLINGNESS TO FORGIVE OTHERS.<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Learn to know the obstacle of unwillingness to forgive others in the light of<br />
forgiving act.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Learn to overcome the act of unwillingness to forgive others with God’s sight.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> TEACHING 20 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Group assignment in groups of three members (see below) 20 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Group Assignment in plenary (see below) 20 Minutes<br />
<strong>1.</strong> TEACHING: (20 Minutes)<br />
HOW TO OVERCOME UNWILLINGNESS TO FORGIVE OTHERS<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Realizing my own sin<br />
Very often both parties are involved! Did I answer sin with sin? Did I provoke sin?<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Realizing the blessings of forgiveness<br />
a) Three open doors<br />
A door between God and the forgiving one, a door between the forgiving one and the forgiven one,<br />
a door between the forgiven one and God (See the prayer of Stephen, Acts 7:60, and the future of<br />
Paul)<br />
b) Facilitation of inner Healing<br />
Your hurts can be healed by the power of the Spirit, when the wound is purified. A wound with<br />
bitterness and an unforgiving attitude is like an infected wound, which will be and will stay ulcerated.<br />
c) Transformation of character<br />
By practicing forgiveness, especially in very difficult circumstances, you learn to love like God.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Realizing the curses of withholding forgiveness<br />
a) Three shut doors<br />
A door to God, a door to the offender, a door between the offender and God<br />
b) Prevention of Inner Healing<br />
My inner hurts will fester and will not heal<br />
c) My Father in heaven will withhold his forgiveness<br />
(Matthew. 6:14) “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also<br />
forgive you.”<br />
207
d) My Father in heaven will deliver me into the “jail”, to the “torturers”<br />
(Matthew. 18:34-35) “In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should<br />
pay back all he owed. "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your<br />
brother from your heart."<br />
e) Hindering spiritual maturity<br />
Without practicing forgiveness my spiritual life will not make progress, I will stay like a little child and not<br />
grow strong.<br />
4. Understanding that mercy does not cancel God’s judgment<br />
When I forgive I put away the sin between me and the offender, but not between him and God, the<br />
future judgment and punishment of God is not cancelled! Every person in the world, who suffers<br />
unrighteousness, will get justice!<br />
Notice: Do forgive someone does not mean to approve his sin or to minimize or belittling it<br />
5. Understanding that mercy does not necessarily allow the offender to continue with his sin against<br />
me<br />
6. Go to the offender and confront him<br />
Choose convenient circumstances and share with the person, how you felt and what it did in your life,<br />
when he sinned against you<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Group assignment in groups of three members (20 Minutes)<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Repeat in a group discussion on these six points helps to overcome unwillingness to forgive. Out of<br />
your own experiences and ideas add other things which might prove helpful.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> We read: “In anger his master turned him over to the jailors to be tortured…this is how my heavenly<br />
father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” How does this “torturing”<br />
happen today?<br />
208
Some practical advises for counsellors<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Pray together for willingness to forgive<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Give the counselee sufficient time to share his hurts, to “settle accounts”<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Do not demand to forgive others too early<br />
4. Help the counselee to understand the difference between the decision to forgive and the feeling<br />
of forgiveness<br />
5. God wants the decision of our heart and not nice feelings. They will come later.<br />
6. Eventually use an “empty chair”<br />
7. Let the counselee visualize the offender sitting on that chair telling and accusing him, what he<br />
had done wrong.<br />
8. Let the counselee write a long letter to the offender without mailing it<br />
9. Let the counselee write down a complete list of the accusations<br />
After that go together through the list and then let him tear it apart or burn it<br />
Individual Assignment in private<br />
Make notes: Which points of this teaching seem to me especially important and why? What have I not<br />
fully understood? Do I have any unanswered question concerning forgiveness to others, practically,<br />
theologically, else?<br />
Share your notes with the group (See below)<br />
Individual assignment in private<br />
Think of your past life.<br />
Have I really practiced forgiveness towards those who have sinned against me?<br />
Make notes concerning the incidents and people, which have not yet been fully forgiven.<br />
Then choose someone of your group as counsellor and take time to go together with him through the<br />
process of forgiveness.<br />
If you both get stuck in the counselling procedure, ask for help of the team.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Group Assignment in plenary (20 Minutes)<br />
Share in group of the importance of forgiveness and if not its consequence in the light God’s justice.<br />
209
UNIT 19: INNER HEALING 2: DETECTION OF INNER WOUNDS AND MY CONFESSIONS<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 17- 19 PRAYER COUNSELLING, FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION<br />
UNIT 17 UNIT 18 UNIT 19<br />
INNER HEALING 1:<br />
AN OVERVIEW<br />
SESSION 1 60 MINUTES THE<br />
WOUNDED<br />
HEART: ITS<br />
DEFINITION<br />
SOURCE OF<br />
HURTS:<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 2 60 MINUTES HURTS NEVER<br />
JUST GO AWAY!<br />
SOME SYMPTOMS:<br />
PHYSICAL, MENTAL<br />
AND SPIRITUAL.<br />
“UNGODLY<br />
BELIEVES ABOUT<br />
OURSELVES”<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 3 60 MINUTES HOW TO RECEIVE<br />
HEALING<br />
STEPS OF<br />
PREPARATION<br />
BREAK MINIMUM 5<br />
MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4 60 MINUTES INNER HEALING IN<br />
BRIEF<br />
STEPS OF<br />
FORGIVENESS<br />
PROCESS AS A<br />
PART OF INNER<br />
HEALING<br />
OVERVIEW OF<br />
RECONCILIATIO<br />
N WITH FAMILY<br />
LIFE AND MY<br />
PAST<br />
HOW TO DEAL<br />
WITH SINS<br />
DONE BY<br />
OTHERS TO<br />
ME.<br />
HOW TO<br />
FORGIVE<br />
OTHERS<br />
HOW TO<br />
OVERCOME<br />
UNWILLINGNES<br />
S TO FORGIVE<br />
OTHERS.<br />
INNER HEALING 2:<br />
DETECTION OF<br />
INNER WOUNDS<br />
AND MY<br />
CONFESSIONS<br />
HOW TO DETECT<br />
INNER WOUNDS<br />
GROUP-SESSIONS<br />
ON INNER<br />
HEALING<br />
CONNECTION<br />
BETWEEN GOOD &<br />
EVIL AND<br />
IMPULSES &<br />
THOUGHTS I<br />
MYSELF AM<br />
RESPONSIBLE FOR<br />
MY THOUGHTS.<br />
MAINTAIN INNER<br />
HEALING 2: MY<br />
CONFESSIONS<br />
210
LEVEL 1 UNIT 19 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
HOW TO DETECT INNER WOUNDS<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know how to detect the visible and told symptoms regarding inner wounds.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching about how to detect inner wounds. Explain the visible<br />
and told symptoms of detecting inner wounds.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Demonstration of a counselling session with a trainer as a counsellor.<br />
While counselling all students could use<br />
Work sheet on how to detect inner wounds as observes.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Plenary session for collating ideas with regard to<br />
the detection of inner wounds.<br />
20 Minutes<br />
20 Minutes<br />
20 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: How to detect inner wounds<br />
Explain the Worksheet WORK SHEET ON HOW TO DETECT INNER WOUNDS.<br />
Work with the students on the following questions:<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Which symptoms may develop, when someone had a dominating father or mother or a physically<br />
challenged sibling?<br />
Which handicaps you may suffer, if born in a high / low cast?<br />
As a refugee?<br />
As a child of divorced parents?<br />
Or drug addicted parents.<br />
Or Parents abusing you.<br />
Or as a child of parents, who died in your early childhood.<br />
211
Eyes<br />
Mouth<br />
Facial expressions<br />
Head<br />
Shoulders and neck<br />
Arms and hands<br />
Legs and feet<br />
Body<br />
Breath<br />
Voice<br />
movements<br />
WORK SHEET ON HOW TO DETECT INNER WOUNDS<br />
Visible symptoms<br />
could mean<br />
Direct eye contact<br />
Lack of eye contact<br />
Looking down or away<br />
Fixed staring<br />
Squinting or furrowed brow<br />
Teary eyes or tears<br />
Smiling<br />
Tight lips<br />
Quivering lips<br />
Biting or chewing of lips<br />
Flushed face, stone face<br />
Eyes open wide and mouth<br />
opening<br />
Nodding up and down<br />
Shaking left to right<br />
Hanging<br />
Cocked to one side<br />
Slouched<br />
Raised<br />
Neck rolls<br />
Folded arms<br />
Trembling hands<br />
Open gesturing<br />
Stiff and/or unmoving<br />
Crossing and uncrossing<br />
Foot tapping<br />
Stiff and/or controlled<br />
movements<br />
Leaning forward, away or back<br />
Turned to the side<br />
Rocking or repetitive motion<br />
Habitual movement (e.g.,<br />
tapping, hair twirling, squirming)<br />
Slow and deep breathing<br />
Hyperventilation (over<br />
breathing)<br />
Short, flat, and choppy<br />
Soft, laud, pressed, low, high<br />
Like a Micky Mouse, like a bear<br />
Quickly, slow, sharp, soft<br />
Powerful, -less<br />
Full of tension, relaxed<br />
Brusque, measured, stiffen and<br />
inhibited<br />
212
Told symptoms<br />
could mean<br />
Health<br />
Feelings<br />
Behaviour<br />
Relations<br />
other<br />
Heartbeats<br />
Sweat<br />
headache<br />
other<br />
fear of dogs / of spiders<br />
quick rage<br />
depression<br />
persecute<br />
other<br />
forgetful<br />
lazy<br />
cannot keep promises<br />
other<br />
always responsible for all<br />
often the last<br />
they are against me<br />
they don’t aware that I’m here<br />
other<br />
213
LEVEL 1 UNIT 19 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
GROUP-SESSIONS ON INNER HEALING<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Practise counselling session on detecting inner wounds.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> All students sit in threes; one counsellor, one, counselee and one<br />
observer. All can take turns after each counselling session. You can<br />
work with the incident you worked out in Unit 18, sessions 2 and 3 or<br />
work with a new incident.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
214
LEVEL 1 UNIT 19 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
CONNECTION BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL IMPULSES AND THOUGHTS<br />
I MYSELF AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY THOUGHTS.<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Learn to know the different aspects in the act of thoughts and impulses.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Learn to know the various steps in leading towards the act of decision<br />
with thoughts and impulses.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching : 35 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Group work in plenary 25 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: 20 Minutes<br />
1 Good and evil develop from Impulses and Thoughts<br />
Good:<br />
Mat 9:20-22 ISV Just then a woman who had been suffering from chronic bleeding for twelve years<br />
came up behind him and touched the tassel of his garment. (21) For she had been saying to herself, "If<br />
I just touch his robe, I will get well." (22) When Jesus turned and saw her, he said, "Be courageous,<br />
daughter! Your faith has made you well." And from that very hour the woman was well.<br />
The woman had been speaking to herself, she had thought and pondered, her thoughts developed into<br />
faith and faith led her into action to touch Jesus and she was healed.<br />
Evil:<br />
2Sa 11:<strong>2.</strong>4 MKJV (2) And it happened one evening, David arouse from his bed and walked on the roof<br />
of the king’s house. And from the roof he saw a woman bathing. And the woman was very beautiful to<br />
look upon. (3) And David sent and asked about the woman. And one said, Is not this Bathsheba, the<br />
daughter of Eliam, the wife Uriah the Hittite? (4) And David sent messengers and took her. And she<br />
came in to him, and he lay with her. And she had purified herself fr0m her uncleanness. And she<br />
returned to her house.<br />
<strong>1.</strong> He saw<br />
<strong>2.</strong> He desired (lustful thoughts and feelings ) ,<br />
James 1:13f (When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot<br />
be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil<br />
desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin;<br />
and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> He sought information<br />
4. He went into action<br />
An impression, an impulse from within or from outside becomes a thought, a chain of thoughts and it<br />
influences me and my actions:<br />
When my big brother always cheats me while my sister protects me, again and again I will be afraid of<br />
215
“big brothers” even if they are nice and I will seek “protective sisters”. This will only change when I<br />
consciously stop seeing “big brothers” as cheats.<br />
If I experience that I can trust my parents’ words, I conclude that all grown-ups are trustworthy. I will<br />
find easy to trust.<br />
If a cow kicks me, I will probably be afraid of cows for years, although most of them are quite gentle.<br />
But I have been influenced by this experience and my thoughts and feelings tell me that cows are<br />
dangerous. This will only change when I stop transferring my experience to all cows.<br />
Inventors start their inventions in their imagination, letting their thoughts fly and suddenly something<br />
comes into being.<br />
A life of sin or obedience is primarily determined by what and how I think, what I let in my head and<br />
heart and what not!<br />
2 I myself am responsible for my thoughts<br />
Many people believe, something in them thinks and feels. They believe they are at the mercies of their<br />
own chains of thoughts and the feelings that follow those thoughts.<br />
This is absolutely not true. It is true that I can do nothing about the fact that bad thoughts flash through<br />
my head but I can do something about not letting them make a nest in my head.<br />
Gen 4:5-7 MKJV but He (God) did not have respect to Cain and to his offering. And Cain glowed with<br />
anger, and his face fell. (6) And Jehovah said to Cain, Why have you angrily glowed? And why did<br />
your face fall? (7) If you do well, shall you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin crouches<br />
at the door; and its desire is for you, and you shall rule over it.<br />
Cain was fully responsible for his anger, behaviour and his thoughts which already went in the direction<br />
of sin; he should have rule over them.<br />
Basically this is valid: I myself am responsible for what I think and what not. I am not responsible<br />
for sinful thoughts flashing into my head but for how I deal with them.<br />
If we do not hold on to the truth of God, we deliver ourselves to sin.<br />
Rom 1:28 MKJV And even as they did not think fit to have God in their knowledge, God gave them over<br />
to a reprobate mind, to do the things not right,<br />
For this reason the prayer in Ps. 139:23f is very important to us:<br />
Ps. 139:23-24 MKJV Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts, (24) and<br />
see if any wicked way is in me; and lead me in the way everlasting.<br />
Since we are fully responsible for what goes on in our inner life and which becomes words and deeds,<br />
216
God can judge or reward us, human beings. We are totally responsible!<br />
2Co 5:10 MKJV We must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive<br />
the things done through the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.<br />
The way I deal with my thoughts is something very central. For this reason, in counselling, we again<br />
and again have to work at recognising wrong thinking patterns and, together with the clients, practise<br />
the Biblical mental discipline<br />
3 Approaches for dealing with thoughts<br />
According to Eph. 4:22-24; 2Cor.10:4-6; Col.3<br />
Eph 4:22-24 MKJV For you ought to put off the old man (according to your way of living before) who is<br />
corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, (23) and be renewed in the spirit of your mind. (24) And you<br />
should put on the new man, who according to God was created in righteousness and true holiness.<br />
2Co 10:4-6 MKJV For the weapons of our warfare are not fleshly, but mighty through God to the pulling<br />
down of strongholds, (5) pulling down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the<br />
knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought into the obedience of Christ; (6) and having<br />
readiness to avenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.<br />
Col 3:1-16 MKJV If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ<br />
is sitting at the right hand of God. (2) Be mindful of things above, not on things on the earth. (3) For you<br />
died, and your life has been hidden with Christ in God. (4) When Christ our Life is revealed, then you<br />
also will be revealed with Him in glory. (5) Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth:<br />
fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness (which is idolatry), (6) on account of<br />
which things' sake the wrath of God is coming on the sons of disobedience, (7) among whom you also<br />
once walked, when you lived in these. (8) But now also put off all these things: anger, wrath, malice,<br />
blasphemy, shameful speech out of your mouth. (9) Do not lie to one another, having put off the old<br />
man with his deeds (10) and having put on the new, having been renewed in knowledge according to<br />
the image of Him who created him, (11) where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision and un<br />
circumcision, foreigner, Scythian, slave or freeman, but Christ is all things in all. (12) Therefore, as the<br />
elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender feelings of mercy, kindness, humbleness of mind,<br />
meekness, long-suffering, (13) forbearing one another and forgiving yourselves, if anyone has a<br />
complaint against any. As Christ forgave you, so also you do. (14) And above all these things put on<br />
love, which is the bond of perfectness. (15) And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which you<br />
also are called in one body, and be thankful. (16) Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly in all<br />
wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with<br />
grace in your hearts to the Lord.<br />
Group work in plenary: 25 Minutes<br />
What principles concerning ungodly thinking do we recognise in the above mentioned Bible passages?<br />
How do thoughts and impulses affect my behaviour positively and negatively in day to day life?<br />
What helps us to turn away from the old thinking and behavioural patterns? What helps us to practise a<br />
new kind of thinking and behaviour?<br />
217
LEVEL 1 UNIT 19 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
TOPIC: MAINTAIN INNER HEALING 2: MY CONFESSIONS<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Learn to practise my confessions aloud on what I have in Christ.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Learn to heal inner wounds with my confessions on Christ.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching: introducing “My Personal confessions” 10 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Give a demonstration for doing my personal confessions aloud. 5 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Every Student works out his five momentarily most important<br />
confessions from the list below<br />
15 Minutes<br />
4. In groups of three: every student explains why these five confessions<br />
are momentarily important for him and confesses them before the<br />
group. Everyone takes 10 Minutes.<br />
30 Minutes<br />
TEACHING: (10 Minutes)<br />
Proverb 18: 21The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.<br />
My Personal Confessions, by Basil Frasure, PhD<br />
To confess means "to agree with ...." .<br />
It helps to grow in the faith to read and confess God’s truths about our lives. I suggest that you make<br />
these truths your regular confessions. But be aware of that it is not so much about the technique of<br />
confession. It is more about the growing of confidence and faith in the inner truth of the word of God.<br />
It’s about the growing insight that the word of God is relevant for your own life and identity.<br />
Again: We will grow in our faith and maturity. Confessions by heart will help us to agree with what the<br />
Word of God says about who we are and what we have in Christ<br />
A suggestion on how to work with that list of confessions during the period of some weeks:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Write at the left side of every confession one “x” when you have read the confession aloud at least<br />
seven times.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Write at the left side of every confession an other “x” when you have looked up the Scripture<br />
reference for the confession.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Write at the left side of every confession a third “x” when the confession has become a reality in<br />
your life.<br />
x x x<br />
218
<strong>1.</strong> I am born again from above (I Peter 1:23, John 3:3).<br />
<strong>2.</strong> My first birth was a fleshly birth, but the second birth is a spiritual birth (John 3:1-8).<br />
<strong>3.</strong> I am born of the Word of God, which lives and dwells in me for ever (I Peter 1:23).<br />
4. Since I am born of the Spirit of God, Satan can not touch my spirit to destroy it (I John 5:18).<br />
5. I have been taken out of Satan's kingdom of darkness and have been translated into the<br />
kingdom of Jesus Christ (Colossians 1:13).<br />
6. I have been made free from the power of sin and have become a servant of righteousness<br />
(Romans 6:18).<br />
7. I have been joined unto Christ (I Corinthians 6:17).<br />
8. In Christ, I am complete; therefore, I need nothing more (Colossians 2:10).<br />
9. I am sealed with the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13).<br />
10. I was spiritually dead to the things of God. I was actually dead in my spirit, but I have been<br />
made alive by the spirit of Christ (Ephesians 2:5).<br />
1<strong>1.</strong> I was considered a sinner, but now I am made the righteousness of God in Jesus Christ (II<br />
Corinthians 5:21).<br />
1<strong>2.</strong> Because of the righteousness that I have in Christ, I am fully accepted of God (Ephesians 1:6).<br />
1<strong>3.</strong> God's complete love for me casts out the fear of judgment (I John 4:18).<br />
14. I am set apart from the world unto the living God; therefore I am actually a saint. (I Corinthians<br />
1:2).<br />
15. I am not condemned as I live in Christ (Romans 8:1).<br />
16. I actually have the divine nature of God dwelling within me (II Peter 1:4).<br />
17. In the spirit, I am seated with Christ Jesus in heaven far above all the powers of the enemy<br />
(Ephesians 2:6).<br />
18. I have eternal life in Christ (John 3:15).<br />
19. From the very moment that I received Christ until the end, I shall not perish. (John 10:28-29).<br />
20. I am in the hands of Jesus and in the hands God, the Father. Therefore, nothing is able to take<br />
me out of God's hands. (John 10:28-29).<br />
2<strong>1.</strong> No weapon that the enemy has formed against me shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17).<br />
2<strong>2.</strong> As I humble myself and fear the LORD, I find riches, honour, and life (Proverbs 22:4).<br />
219
2<strong>3.</strong> As I meekly engraft God's Word into my life, it saves my mind from thinking wrong thoughts,<br />
my will from making wrong decisions, and my heart from feeling wrong emotions (James 1:21).<br />
24. Jesus is always with me (Matthew 28:20).<br />
25. I will not have to face the wrath of God because I have received salvation through our Lord<br />
Jesus Christ (I Thessalonians 5:9).<br />
26. God has called me unto himself, but not according to my works, but by his own gift of grace (II<br />
Timothy 1:9).<br />
27. I am successful as I meditate on and apply the Word of God in my life (Joshua 1:8).<br />
28. God has elected me to be holy and to receive His love (Colossians 3:12).<br />
29. In Christ, I am justified (just as if I had never sinned) (Romans 8:33).<br />
30. As I walk in the Spirit, I do not fulfil the lusts of the flesh (Galatians 5:16).<br />
3<strong>1.</strong> I have bold access to the throne of God to find mercy and grace in time of need (Hebrew 4:16).<br />
3<strong>2.</strong> God has predestined that I be formed into the image of Jesus Christ (Romans 8:29).<br />
3<strong>3.</strong> I have been reconciled to God through the death of Jesus (Romans 5:10).<br />
34. God has confirmed me unto the very end that I am considered to be without blame (I<br />
Corinthians 1:8).<br />
35. I am confident that since God began his good work in me that He will continue that work until<br />
the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6).<br />
36. God's Word leads me as I walk, keeps me as I sleep, and talks to me when I awake (Proverbs<br />
6:22).<br />
37. God will keep that which I have committed unto him until the day of judgment (II Timothy 1:12).<br />
38. I know the truth and the truth makes me free (John 8:32-33).<br />
39. God has chosen me and ordained me that I should go and bring forth lasting fruit (John 15:16).<br />
40. As a new creation, I am made free through Jesus from the power of the enemy (John 8:36).<br />
4<strong>1.</strong> I have been saved by grace through faith (Ephesians 2:8).<br />
4<strong>2.</strong> I have the grace to walk through every temptation without sinning (I Corinthians 10:13).<br />
4<strong>3.</strong> I am set free from emotional bruises (blows to my identity) through Jesus (Luke 4:18).<br />
44. I have both spiritual and physical healing though the stripes of Jesus (I Peter 2:24).<br />
220
45. I am able to walk in the light as a child of the light (Ephesians 5:8).<br />
46. I am a fellow citizen with other saints in the household of God (Ephesians 2:18).<br />
47. I find my strength in Christ when I am weak (II Corinthians 12:10).<br />
48. I will not be afraid of what man can do to me because I trust in the LORD (Psalm 56:11).<br />
49. I am washed, sanctified, and justified by the name of Jesus and the Spirit of God (I Corinthians<br />
6:11).<br />
50. Since I am born of God, I have overcome the world. I have victory over the world through our<br />
faith (I John 5:4).<br />
5<strong>1.</strong> I know that I am a disciple of Jesus because I love others (John 13:35).<br />
5<strong>2.</strong> I have forgiveness for my sins (Ephesians 1:7).<br />
5<strong>3.</strong> I am more than a conqueror through God that loves me (Romans 8:37).<br />
54. The fact is that nothing can separate me from the love of God (Romans 8:35).<br />
55. God has given me a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind (II Timothy 1:7).<br />
56. The spirit of Jesus that lives me is greater than the enemy in the world (I John 4:4).<br />
57. God always causes me to triumph in Christ (II Corinthians 2:14).<br />
58. I am an heir of God and a joint-heir with Christ. What the Father gave to Jesus, also belongs to<br />
me (Romans 8:17).<br />
59. I have access to all of the promises of God in Christ. God says, "Yes" and "So let it be." (II<br />
Corinthians 1:20).<br />
60. I am blessed with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ (Ephesians 1:3).<br />
6<strong>1.</strong> God has redeemed me from curse of the law that he might give me the promises of Abraham<br />
(Galatians 3:13-14).<br />
6<strong>2.</strong> I have the capacity to hear and obey the voice of Jesus (John 10:27).<br />
6<strong>3.</strong> I am God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works (Ephesians 2:10).<br />
64. In Jesus, I am able to do anything that God asks me to do. (Philippians 4:13).<br />
65. I am the light of the world, giving off the light Christ (Matthew 5:14).<br />
66. I am the salt that gives life flavour and the salt that preserves purity (Matthew 5:13).<br />
221
67. My God supplies all my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians<br />
4:19).<br />
68. I am chosen person, a part of a kingly priesthood, a holy nation, and a God-possessed person<br />
that declares the praises of God who has called me out of darkness unto to his marvellous light<br />
(I Peter 2:9).<br />
69. I have access to both the promises of the Old Testament and the New Testament (Matthew<br />
13:52).<br />
70. I know that God is working all things together for my good and His glory (Romans 8:28).<br />
7<strong>1.</strong> It is God's desire that I prosper and be in health as my soul prospers (III John 1:2).<br />
7<strong>2.</strong> By faith, I am able to quench all of the fiery darts of Satan (Ephesians 6:16).<br />
7<strong>3.</strong> I will fear no evil because God is with me (Psalm 23:4).<br />
74. The Holy Spirit makes intercession for me when I don't know how to pray (Romans 8:26).<br />
75. I have been made alive from death in trespasses and sin (Ephesians 2:1).<br />
76. I shall not want because Jesus is my shepherd (Psalm 23:1, John 10:11).<br />
77. I can rejoice in the Lord no matter what the circumstances are (Philippians 4:4).<br />
78. God is working in me both to will and to do of His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13).<br />
79. I can know the proper meaning of God's Word as I diligently study it<br />
(II Timothy 2:15).<br />
80. I have put on the new man which is created in the image of God (Colossians 3:10).<br />
8<strong>1.</strong> My inner man is renewed every day (II Corinthians 4:16).<br />
8<strong>2.</strong> Since I have been crucified with Christ, Christ now lives through me<br />
(Galatians 2:20).<br />
8<strong>3.</strong> God's Word builds me up and gives me an inheritance among those that are sanctified (Acts<br />
20:32).<br />
84. I overcome the accuser by the blood of the Lamb, by the word of my testimony, and not loving<br />
my life unto death (Revelation 12:11-12).<br />
85. I am not one who draws back into perdition, but one who believes to the saving of my soul<br />
(Hebrews 10:39).<br />
86. The Lord shall deliver me from every evil work, and preserve me unto his heavenly kingdom (II<br />
Timothy 4:18).<br />
222
87. I am an ambassador (a high ranking official representative of the kingdom of God) for Christ (II<br />
Corinthians 5:20).<br />
88. God has given me of His Spirit that I might know the things that He has freely given unto me (I<br />
Corinthians 2:12).<br />
89. My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit purchased with a price (I Corinthians 6:19-20).<br />
90. God has given me a gift that I might minister to others (I Peter 4:10).<br />
9<strong>1.</strong> As I share the Word, God works through me and confirms the Word with signs (Mark 16:17-20).<br />
9<strong>2.</strong> I will not be afraid of bad news because my heart is fixed, trusting in the LORD (Psalm 112:7).<br />
9<strong>3.</strong> With joy, I shall draw water out of the wells of salvation (Isaiah 12:3).<br />
94. I know my God and am therefore strong and will do exploits (Daniel 11:32).<br />
95. I am a branch that abides in the vine of Jesus that brings forth much fruit (John 15:5, 16).<br />
96. God will withhold no good thing from me as I live righteously (Psalm 84:11).<br />
97. As I submit my life to God and resist the devil, the devil must flee from me (James 4:7).<br />
98. When I am afraid, I will put my trust in God (Psalm 56:3).<br />
99. I am a sweet aroma of Christ unto God (II Corinthians 2:15).<br />
100. I find peace of mind as I keep my mind upon God (Isaiah 26:3).<br />
10<strong>1.</strong> God has given me the ministry of reconciliation (II Corinthians 5:19).<br />
10<strong>2.</strong> I am an adopted child of God (Ephesians 1:5).<br />
10<strong>3.</strong> I have unsearchable riches in Christ (Ephesians 3:8).<br />
104. I have a home in heaven that Jesus has prepared for me (John 14:2).<br />
This list is copyrighted by Whole Person Counseling, Basil Frasure, PhD, and used by permission,<br />
http://www.wholeperson-counseling.org<br />
223
LEVEL 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
READING ASSESSMENT:<br />
UNITS 17- 19 PRAYER COUNSELLING, FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION<br />
Summary of the unit in your words:<br />
Write and list out the main ideas you find through out the reading materials of this particular unit.<br />
<strong>1.</strong><br />
<strong>2.</strong><br />
<strong>3.</strong><br />
4.<br />
Description of the Central idea in the unit:<br />
Identify the most important idea(s) of the unit<br />
Flow chart of the unit:<br />
You can visualize and draw the main ideas in a diagrammatic manner as they appear to your mind.<br />
My view of counselling and life advancement on the unit:<br />
Reflect through your own counselling and life advancement. What new challenges would you welcome<br />
to improve your life and counselling?<br />
224
UNITS 20 - 22 FINALITY APPROACH OF BEHAVIOUR PROBLEMS<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 20- 23<br />
FINALITY APPROACH OF BEHAVIOUR PROBLEMS<br />
UNIT 20 UNIT 21 UNIT 22<br />
ABCDEF METHOD HIDDEN GOALS STEPS OF<br />
BEHAVIOUR<br />
TRAINING<br />
SESSION 1 60 MINUTES THE A-B-C-D-E-F-<br />
METHOD<br />
DETECT HIDDEN<br />
GOALS AND<br />
DEGREE OF<br />
MOTIVATION (1).<br />
LISTENING TO<br />
GOD IN<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM<br />
SESSION 2<br />
5 MINUTES<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
QUESTIONNAIRE<br />
FOR SELF-<br />
EXAMINATION –<br />
FALSE GOALS<br />
DETECT HIDDEN<br />
GOALS AND<br />
DEGREE OF<br />
MOTIVATION (2).<br />
VIOLENCE,<br />
IN<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM<br />
SESSION 3<br />
5 MINUTES<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
CHECK LIST FOR<br />
CHANGES:<br />
4-SIEVES<br />
EXAMINE CASE<br />
STUDIES AND<br />
GETTING<br />
SUPERVISION<br />
CODE OF<br />
ETHICS AND<br />
PRACTICE<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM<br />
5 MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4 60 MINUTES WORKSHEET<br />
FOR THE A-B-C-<br />
D-E-F-METHOD<br />
OF CHANGING<br />
ONE’S WAY OF<br />
THINKING.<br />
MY GOALS<br />
AND<br />
CONSTRAINTS<br />
COUNSELLING:<br />
COMPETENCE<br />
AND LIMITS<br />
225
UNITS 20 ABCDEF METHOD<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 20- 23<br />
FINALITY APPROACH OF BEHAVIOUR PROBLEMS<br />
UNIT 20 UNIT 21 UNIT 22<br />
ABCDEF METHOD HIDDEN GOALS STEPS OF<br />
BEHAVIOUR<br />
TRAINING<br />
SESSION 1 60 MINUTES THE A-B-C-D-E-F-<br />
METHOD<br />
DETECT HIDDEN<br />
GOALS AND<br />
DEGREE OF<br />
MOTIVATION (1).<br />
LISTENING TO<br />
GOD IN<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM<br />
SESSION 2<br />
5 MINUTES<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
QUESTIONNAIRE<br />
FOR SELF-<br />
EXAMINATION –<br />
FALSE GOALS<br />
DETECT HIDDEN<br />
GOALS AND<br />
DEGREE OF<br />
MOTIVATION (2).<br />
VIOLENCE,<br />
IN<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM<br />
SESSION 3<br />
5 MINUTES<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
CHECK LIST FOR<br />
CHANGES:<br />
4-SIEVES<br />
EXAMINE CASE<br />
STUDIES AND<br />
GETTING<br />
SUPERVISION<br />
CODE OF<br />
ETHICS AND<br />
PRACTICE<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM<br />
5 MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4 60 MINUTES WORKSHEET<br />
FOR THE A-B-C-<br />
D-E-F-METHOD<br />
OF CHANGING<br />
ONE’S WAY OF<br />
THINKING.<br />
MY GOALS<br />
AND<br />
CONSTRAINTS<br />
COUNSELLING:<br />
COMPETENCE<br />
AND LIMITS<br />
226
LEVEL 1 UNIT 20 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
SESSION1<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
THE A-B-C-D-E-F-METHOD<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know what the ABCDEF method is.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching about what the ABCDEF method is. Explain what four<br />
false goals are.<br />
2 Demonstration of a counselling session with a trainer as a counsellor.<br />
While counselling all students could watch the false goals.<br />
3 Plenary session for collating ideas with regard to<br />
the detection of four false goals and rules concerning its change.<br />
20 Minutes<br />
20 Minutes<br />
20 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
THE A-B-C-D-E-F-METHOD (For Changing one’s Thinking)<br />
See the separate sheet: Worksheet for the A-B-C-D-E-F-Method of changing one’s way of thinking by<br />
Meike and Dirk Wessling in “Adventure Man”<br />
The worksheet is self-explanatory<br />
Explanation to the point: C. what false goals do I discover?<br />
What are false goals?<br />
They are:<br />
• Excuses and justification:<br />
The person in questions protects himself through excuses and justification<br />
• Attention:<br />
The person seeks attention even this occurs through negative behaviour patterns<br />
• Superiority:<br />
Every means is right in order to maintain superiority or to pretend to be superior and to have things<br />
under control.<br />
• Revenge:<br />
Retaliation through underhanded methods or even quite open revenge<br />
227
False goals:<br />
These four false goals are behaviour patterns/selfish strategies which make social life difficult and even<br />
endanger it.<br />
False goals = sinful behaviour based on discouragement and fear.<br />
These defence mechanisms are used by discouraged people.<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Those seeking help are usually not aware of their false goals. They are defence mechanisms of the<br />
“old man” learned as children.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> The person justifies himself to himself, others and God through this self-deceiving manoeuvre.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> The purpose of false goals is to avoid responsibility, unpleasant tasks, duties in the community<br />
(family, marriage, profession, church).<br />
4. The strategies of the four false goals were trained and tried out at home in early childhood.<br />
5. Spiritual problems are often a result of the four false goals. (For instance sin against the Holy Spirit<br />
as an excuse)<br />
6. False goals must be recognised and admitted in order to reduce disorders of self-esteem, self-injury<br />
and interpersonal conflicts.<br />
7. What has been recognised as sin can be confessed before God. Forgiveness is a process often<br />
involving many steps.<br />
8. The questions of self-examination in the extra sheet can be helpful in recognising false goals.<br />
9. Let the person seeking help take the paper home.<br />
I can help the person in question better when I have recognised his false goal and he admits it and<br />
sees it himself.<br />
Rule concerning change:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Having heard does not necessarily mean understood:<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Understood is not yet agreeing.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Agreeing is not yet applying.<br />
4. Once applied does not yet mean, one has got used to.<br />
5. Only a habituation brings permanent change.<br />
228
LEVEL 1 UNIT 20 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
QUESTIONNAIRE FOR SELF-EXAMINATION – FALSE GOALS<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To go though the questionnaire for self examination of false goals.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
1 All trainees individually would go through the questionnaire for<br />
self examination of false goals.<br />
2 In groups of threes all could share their experience with<br />
the self examination with your own life illustrations.<br />
3 Plenary session for collating ideas with regard to<br />
the self examination of false goals.<br />
20 Minutes<br />
30 Minutes<br />
10 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
Questionnaire for Self-examination – False Goals<br />
From: Reinhold Ruthe, Counselling – How to do it<br />
Excuses and Justifications<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Do you use excuses to get out of trouble? Do you manage to get an alibi by using excuses?<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Do you throw the blame on others – like Adam and Eve?<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Do you protect yourself through plausible rationalizations/explanations?<br />
4. Do you see yourself as weak, small, poor, over-stretched, helpless and sick in order to avoid certain<br />
demands?<br />
5. Do you often uses forms like “if-not” as make your excuses sound credible? “If it had not been so<br />
windy, I would have managed to do my work better.”<br />
6. If you do not succeed in your task, do you blame others, the church, your parents, your children, the<br />
circumstances, the state, the weather, the environment?<br />
7. Do you recognise in the false goal no 1 an unspiritual attitude which leads you to reject<br />
responsibility and not to risk you head?<br />
8. Do you not want to be called to account?<br />
9. Is it a mark of your life, always to want to be seen to be faultless? Do you find it necessary to make<br />
yourself unassailable?<br />
10. Do you use these methods to increase your self-esteem? Are you afraid of self-exposure?<br />
1<strong>1.</strong> Are you afraid that your weaknesses and faults would be brought to light?<br />
Attention:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Is it important for you to be noticed?<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Does selfishness play a part when you preach or give a speech?<br />
<strong>3.</strong> How much unnecessary responsibility do you take on yourself in order to make a good impression?<br />
229
4. Is your sacrifice done out of love for Jesus or selfish motives?<br />
5. Are certain performances done to make you more noticed and seen? Do you like to be flattered?<br />
6. Do you have an unconscious need to boast and to act snobbishly? Do you make your partner<br />
jealous in order to be noticed?<br />
7. What kind of behaviour patterns do you use in order to receive more devotion and attention?<br />
8. Do you pretend to be respectable in order to win attention?<br />
9. Do you use small illnesses in order to receive more attention?<br />
10. Do you value voluntary jobs in order to improve your image?<br />
Superiority<br />
1 Do you believe that seeming is more important than being? Do you use arrogance to get your own<br />
way?<br />
2 Do you partner, children, parents or teachers say you are haughty? Do you try to get the upper<br />
hand through nagging or criticism?<br />
3 Do you make use of illness to get your own way in your marriage, family or job?<br />
4 Do you make use of aggression and tantrums to prove your power?<br />
5 Has anyone ever claimed you were arrogant? Can you understand or make any sense of this?<br />
6 Do you try to gain power and influence by moralising? Is it a part of your lifestyle to dominate<br />
people?<br />
7 Do you use irony to gain power?<br />
8 Are you indispensable in your marriage, family and your job and in this way subtly claim power?<br />
9 Do you gladly prove other people wrong?<br />
10 Do you make use of aggressive silence in order to impress your colleague? Do you assert<br />
dominance by unfailing helpfulness?<br />
11 Do you make use of sharp logic to disarm your colleague?<br />
Revenge:<br />
1 Have you noticed in your suicide attempts that you wanted to revenge yourself on someone?<br />
2 Is your alcoholism a problem of revenge in order to annoy and to afflict your colleague? Is it your<br />
secret wish to revenge yourself on relatives or strangers? Have you ever thought that sexual denial<br />
could be an act of revenge?<br />
3 Did you as a child use drugs as a weapon and revenge, in order to get your own back on your<br />
parents? Do you let your children, relatives or work colleagues fall into a trap out of revenge?<br />
4 Do you react gleefully when something negative happens to your neighbour which you had hoped<br />
for?<br />
5 Do you wish anyone something bad, in thought, word or deed? Could it be that you want to use<br />
your illness as a revenge on your environment?<br />
6 Do you conspire with a child against your partner?<br />
7 Are you resentful and cannot easily forget affronts and offences? Do you desire to uphold the other<br />
one’s guilt?<br />
230
LEVEL 1 UNIT 20 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
TOPIC:<br />
CHECK LIST FOR CHANGES: 4-SIEVES<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To go though the check list for changes of 4 - sieves.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
1 A demonstration on how to do 4 sieves is shown<br />
with a counsellor and counselee.<br />
231<br />
60 Minutes<br />
20 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> In groups of threes all could do 4 sieves in turns. 40 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
Check list for Changes: 4-sieves<br />
The following “sieves” may be used to recognise false behaviour.<br />
A disturbed relationship expresses itself in false behaviour.<br />
Change means to come back to a relationship with Jesus Christ.<br />
Question for the 1st sieve:<br />
Does your thinking or behaviour go against a mandate of creation?<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To cultivate a garden, work<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Being fruitful and multiply<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Applying healthy authority over creation<br />
Question for the 2nd sieve:<br />
Does your thinking or behaviour go against the 10 commandments? Ex. 20:1-17<br />
<strong>1.</strong> I am the Lord your God; you shall have no other gods before me.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> You shall not make for yourself an idol.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God.<br />
4. Remember the Sabbath.<br />
5. Honour your father and your mother.<br />
6. You shall not murder.<br />
7. You shall not commit adultery.<br />
8. You shall not steal.<br />
9. You shall not give false testimony against your neighbour.<br />
10. You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbour.<br />
Question for the 3rd sieve:<br />
Does your thinking or behaviour go against God’s priorities?<br />
<strong>1.</strong> God and me<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Marriage
<strong>3.</strong> Children and relatives<br />
4. Church<br />
5. World (John 3: 16) "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever<br />
believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”<br />
Bible verse for the 4th sieve:<br />
Does your thinking and behaviour correspond to Jesus’ commandment to love? Mt. 22:23-40<br />
Jesus said: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.<br />
This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ’Love your neighbour as<br />
yourself!’”<br />
Done Example of 4 sieves.<br />
B. Thoughts during the situation (describe the thoughts in order):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Life is hard and tiresome<br />
<strong>2.</strong> It will get more difficult than I expect<br />
<strong>3.</strong> This hardship must be soothed by loving behaviour on the part of my wife<br />
4. If I do not experience this, I feel deprived and resign: ”I do not have luck with women.” (lost his<br />
mother early, his wife)<br />
D. Disproving the untruthful thoughts under B. (first mark the true thoughts with t, the false ones with<br />
f, then apply corrections according to the Biblical truths (4 sieves)<br />
Evaluating B.: <strong>1.</strong>t/f <strong>2.</strong>f <strong>3.</strong> t/f 4.f<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Life is often hard but God’s blessing is with me (Rom.8:28) and “all will go well with him” (Pro.24:25.)<br />
<strong>2.</strong> This is also valid for the future.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> God often helps me through my wife and often through others. Often it is too slow for me.<br />
4. If I do not experience help the way I expected, I am disappointed, but I refuse to accuse or resign.<br />
Life is often hard but God’s blessing is with me.<br />
232
LEVEL 1 UNIT 20 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
TOPIC:<br />
WORKSHEET FOR THE A-B-C-D-E-F-METHOD<br />
OF CHANGING ONE’S WAY OF THINKING.<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To do Worksheet for the A-B-C-D-E-F-Method of changing one’s way of thinking.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
1 A detailed explanation of the done work sheet of the<br />
A-B-C-D-E-F-Method.<br />
20 Minutes<br />
2 In groups of threes all could do 4 sieves in turns. 40 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
Example Worksheet for the A-B-C-D-E-F-Method of changing one’s way of thinking<br />
By Meike and Kirk Wessling in “the Adventure Man”<br />
An Example:<br />
Problem description: when people whom I love disappoint me, I fall into a deep feeling of desolation<br />
and behave badly.<br />
A. Description of the situation: I come home from work cold and hungry. My wife has not (yet)<br />
cooked. This is difficult for me and I fall into these feelings of desolation.<br />
B. Thoughts during the situation (describe the thoughts in order):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Life is hard and tiresome<br />
<strong>2.</strong> It will get more difficult than I expect<br />
<strong>3.</strong> This hardship must be soothed by loving behaviour on the part of my wife<br />
4. If I do not experience this, I feel deprived and resign: ”I do not have luck with women.” (lost his<br />
mother early, his wife)<br />
C. Undesirable reactions and undesirable feelings<br />
Resignation: it has no value.<br />
Self-pity<br />
Discouragement comes and makes me tired: everything keeps turning in me<br />
I feel I have been abandoned by God<br />
Undesirable behaviour<br />
Accusations against the wife<br />
Asking (the wife) critical questions<br />
Accusing behaviour (dejected facial expressions, distance)<br />
I take revenge by going away.<br />
233
Which false goals do I discover?<br />
Excuse – attention – superiority – revenge<br />
Excuse<br />
Attention<br />
A little revenge (Find a good middle way, not just the opposite of B and C!)<br />
D. Disproving the untruthful thoughts under B. (first mark the true thoughts with t, the false ones with<br />
f, then apply corrections according to the Biblical truths (4 sieves)<br />
Evaluating B.: <strong>1.</strong>t/f <strong>2.</strong>f <strong>3.</strong> t/f 4.f<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Life is often hard but God’s blessing is with me (Rom.8:28) and “all will go well with him” (Pro.24:25.)<br />
<strong>2.</strong> This is also valid for the future.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> God often helps me through my wife and often through others. Often it is too slow for me.<br />
4. If I do not experience help the way I expected, I am disappointed, but I refuse to accuse or resign.<br />
Life is often hard but God’s blessing is with me.<br />
E. Desirable reactions and feelings<br />
More calmness<br />
I am more susceptible for good thoughts.<br />
I can see what has gone well in my life<br />
True, I am disappointed but not discouraged or rejected.<br />
Desirable behaviour<br />
I can do something instead of escaping into sleep. I can communicate instead running around with a<br />
sour expression. This restores the relationship. Now how would you describe this change of thinking<br />
in Biblical terms? Even though life is hard, God is with me and helps me. Rom.8:28 and Isa.41:10<br />
F. Exercise: write cards with the contents of B and D one on each side. Read the cards every morning<br />
till the next counselling session. Practise the new thinking and behaviour in relevant situations.<br />
Evaluate the experiences in the next counselling session and add to B-E if necessary. Then continue to<br />
build on this until the new habit is established.<br />
234
Worksheet for the A-B-C-D-E-F-Method of changing one’s way of thinking<br />
By Meike and Kirk Wessling in “the Adventure Man”<br />
Problem description: .............................................................................................................................................<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
A. Description of the situation:<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
B. Thoughts during the situation (describe the thoughts in order):<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
C. Undesirable reactions and undesirable feelings<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
Undesirable behaviour<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
Which false goals do I discover? Excuse – attention – superiority – revenge<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
(Find a good middle way, not just the opposite of B and C!)<br />
D. Disproving the untruthful thoughts under B. (first mark the true thoughts with t, the false ones with f, then apply<br />
corrections according to the Biblical truths (4 sieves)<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
E. Desirable reactions and desirable feelings<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
Desirable behaviour<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
Now how would you describe this change of thinking in Biblical terms?<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
.............................................................................................................................................<br />
Exercise: write cards with the contents of B and D one on each side. Read the cards every morning till the next<br />
counselling session. Practise the new thinking and behaviour in relevant situations. Evaluate the experiences in<br />
the next counselling session and add to B-E if necessary. Then continue to build on this until the new habit is<br />
established.<br />
235
UNIT 21 HIDDEN GOALS<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 20- 23<br />
FINALITY APPROACH OF BEHAVIOUR PROBLEMS<br />
UNIT 20 UNIT 21 UNIT 22<br />
ABCDEF METHOD HIDDEN GOALS STEPS OF<br />
BEHAVIOUR<br />
TRAINING<br />
SESSION 1 60 MINUTES THE A-B-C-D-E-F-<br />
METHOD<br />
DETECT HIDDEN<br />
GOALS AND<br />
DEGREE OF<br />
MOTIVATION (1).<br />
LISTENING TO<br />
GOD IN<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM<br />
SESSION 2<br />
5 MINUTES<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
QUESTIONNAIRE<br />
FOR SELF-<br />
EXAMINATION –<br />
FALSE GOALS<br />
DETECT HIDDEN<br />
GOALS AND<br />
DEGREE OF<br />
MOTIVATION (2).<br />
VIOLENCE,<br />
IN<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM<br />
SESSION 3<br />
5 MINUTES<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
CHECK LIST FOR<br />
CHANGES:<br />
4-SIEVES<br />
EXAMINE CASE<br />
STUDIES AND<br />
GETTING<br />
SUPERVISION<br />
CODE OF<br />
ETHICS AND<br />
PRACTICE<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM<br />
5 MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4 60 MINUTES WORKSHEET<br />
FOR THE A-B-C-<br />
D-E-F-METHOD<br />
OF CHANGING<br />
ONE’S WAY OF<br />
THINKING.<br />
MY GOALS<br />
AND<br />
CONSTRAINTS<br />
COUNSELLING:<br />
COMPETENCE<br />
AND LIMITS<br />
236
LEVEL 1 UNIT 21 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
SESSION1<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
DETECT HIDDEN GOALS AND DEGREE OF MOTIVATION.<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
1 To know how to detect inner or hidden goals and degree of motivation.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
1 Demonstration of a counselling session with a trainer as a counsellor.<br />
While counselling all students could watch the degree of motivation<br />
and hidden goals.<br />
2 Teaching about how to detect inner or hidden goals and<br />
degree of motivation<br />
3 Plenary session for collating ideas with regard to<br />
the detection of hidden goals and degree of motivation.<br />
35 Minutes<br />
15 Minutes<br />
10 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
HOW TO DETECT HIDDEN GOALS AND DEGREE OF MOTIVATION<br />
The following symptoms show a high degree of motivation. The more you notice them the higher is the<br />
motivation and vice versa.<br />
Symptoms of motivation<br />
• Keeping to the appointments and agreements<br />
• Willing to invest time in travelling for getting counselled<br />
• Does not need to be urged to something,<br />
• Is not forced by other people, comes voluntarily out of his own will<br />
• Is desperate when counsellor misses the date<br />
• Asking questions, being eager to get advice<br />
• Is willing to change and to invest time, money and effort<br />
• Has own ideas how to go forward, how to make progress<br />
• Sticks to his assignments, finishing them well and timely<br />
• Is ready for new experiments and new experiences.<br />
• Motivation works behind the scene at any time – often unconscious.<br />
• Inner, often hidden Goals are always there and often changing.<br />
• They drive the actions.<br />
• To think about one’s own goals and value system (The priority list of our values) rises<br />
• the ability of self management.<br />
237
Questions to identify goals and intentions<br />
1 Which problem would you like to change first?<br />
2 What’s the most difficult one?<br />
3 Which kind of support (help, information, example) do you need to change?<br />
4 How do you fancy your chances to change this problem?<br />
5 What would you do, how would you live without this problem?<br />
6 What would happen, if your problem didn’t exist?<br />
7 How does the problem hinder you?<br />
8 How much does the problem disturb you and in what ways?<br />
9 What makes you sad, proud, and happy about this situation?<br />
10 What do you want to achieve with that action?<br />
11 How do you imagine exactly the goal, you want to achieve?<br />
12 How often do you want to achieve that goal?<br />
13 How long are you willing to wait for it?<br />
Assignments to create and identify inner goals and intentions<br />
1 What would you like to be in 3 years?<br />
2 If I were a rich men …<br />
3 If I’m the creator of the world …<br />
4 Draw your pie of life: a problems-pie and a goals-pie.<br />
5 What’s in your back bag?<br />
6 Which of your burdens do you want to lay aside today?<br />
7 How would your father/pastor/mother/friend react or decide?<br />
8 Tell me the dreams of your youth!<br />
9 Which points in your life would you have set in a different way if you could rearrange your past?<br />
10 Which aspects in your life is good, powerful, nourishing, making fun?<br />
11 Rank your goals:<br />
12 What is the most important one?<br />
13 What is the second important one etc?<br />
14 Rank these goals according to the following aspects:<br />
15 simple/complex,<br />
16 near/far,<br />
17 self set/strange set,<br />
18 high/minor priority,<br />
19 which ones could be neglected/which ones are indispensable<br />
238
LEVEL 1 UNIT 21 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
TOPIC: DETECT HIDDEN GOALS AND DEGREE OF MOTIVATION (2).<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
1 To practise in counselling session on how to detect inner or hidden goals and<br />
degree of motivation.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
1 All in groups of threes, one as counsellor , the other as counselee<br />
and the third as observer.<br />
2 Two rounds of counselling session could be done in each of 30 Minutes. 60 Minutes<br />
239
LEVEL 1 UNIT 21 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
TOPIC: EXAMINE CASE STUDIES AND GETTING CONSULTANCY.<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
1 To examine case studies of counselling and knowing the need of getting supervision.<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
1 Take any two case studies and explore various possible questions<br />
could be brought into attention of supervision. 20 Minutes<br />
2 All in groups of threes go through at least three case studies and<br />
formulate question to be posed before supervision.<br />
25 Minutes<br />
3 Plenary for collating ideas. 15 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
Case studies<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Man, 34 years old. It was my wife who wanted me to move out, I miss the children very much, I give<br />
her and the children money according to the legal arrangement – but I’m in debt. But actually I’m OK, I<br />
have a few small problems at work, otherwise I’m OK…<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Woman, 48 years old. If someone doesn’t help me to organise my bills and my post then I’m not<br />
going to be able to finish my studies. But no one can help me, there was Mr X but he hardly had any<br />
time, and Mr Y is so slow to read everything, and Mrs Z just doesn’t want to come anymore…. Now you<br />
have to help me, I need you desperately…<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Man, 40 years old. My wife always sees things differently from me. She has never learnt to be<br />
content. Her parents never gave her the feeling that she can do anything, they were always picking at<br />
her. I have to show her how our kids should be raised, she can hardly do anything even in the kitchen,<br />
but she just doesn’t want to accept my advice, we quarrel immediately.<br />
4. Woman, 45 years old. My daughter is already very independent and has a good measure of<br />
common-sense. Last night she didn’t come home. Now I have to decide what measures to take. Like a<br />
week ago, when she stayed away 2 nights, she wasn’t allowed to watch TV for an hour. I always have<br />
everything under control as mother. She looks like a young woman but she’s only 1<strong>3.</strong> I notice how men<br />
look at her, the lust in their gaze – I worry about her but she knows how to handle such things. She is<br />
very intelligent. In school it’s going well. She just has bad marks in certain subjects at present. She’ll<br />
sort herself out again.<br />
5. Man, 60 years old, came to Switzerland in order to study for his doctorate. He never went back to his<br />
home country, where he could have had an academic post, because he met a woman. They started a<br />
family although the woman had other relationships. Now she’s left him. The children are grown. “I’m<br />
alone, have hardly any work, I can never go back home because I’d be too ashamed.”<br />
6. Woman, 42 years old. My husband drinks more and more (alcohol). Last year he had to be taken to<br />
240
hospital because he collapsed. But I do love him and these phases pass. And I like to drink a glass or<br />
two with him sometimes too.<br />
7. Man, 46 years old. I work hard and I’m good at what I do. I get praise and have been promoted. But<br />
my relationship just isn’t working. My partner won’t talk with me, won’t cuddle. I’m like a monk. When I<br />
asked her why, she said: you’re nice and you take care of my children, I don’t know what I could<br />
reproach you for. I don’t know. I just need my peace…<br />
8. Couple, 40 years old. Our youngest son, 6 years old, just does what he wants to. We can’t even go<br />
anywhere, he’s bound to have a temper tantrum and storm around for 15 Minutes. We’d rather stay at<br />
home, where nobody sees, because we’re ashamed. And then we end up arguing with each-other<br />
because we can’t agree how the child should be treated.<br />
9. Woman, 55 years old. I have pain in my hand and back. By midday I’m so exhausted that I can<br />
hardly work; it’s only bearable in the mornings. In actual fact, it should be clear to everyone how ill I am<br />
but no one wants to listen.<br />
10. Man, 29 years old. His wife has moved out and wants a divorce. He doesn’t see any future for<br />
himself (most common sentence: I don’t know…), doesn’t have any perspectives. He studied theology<br />
but has no work. “God doesn’t allow divorce; I’m not going to agree to a divorce.”<br />
1<strong>1.</strong> Woman, 55 years old. Her husband has been depressive for 12 years. She’s looking for an effective<br />
therapist for him because the psychiatrist doesn’t talk to him. The woman has a counsellor for herself<br />
and her husband can also go to her counselling session but when that happened the counsellor only<br />
spoke with her husband!<br />
1<strong>2.</strong> Man, 23 years old. Engaged, his fiancée stayed overnight with him. But he doesn’t actually want<br />
sex before marriage. It’s now very difficult for both of them to maintain a distance.<br />
1<strong>3.</strong> Woman, 66 years old. “I can’t talk to my husband about what’s worrying me. When we were<br />
younger he never used to have the time and I was always left alone to cope with the children. He talks<br />
a lot but never about himself, have I just listened.” She smiles nicely as she tells.<br />
14. Man, 35 years old. He has been with his girlfriend for 10 years now. She becomes immediately cold<br />
and closed up if he is just 10 Minutes late for a date, but he’s always welcome when furniture has to be<br />
moved or something repaired. She said: find another girlfriend, I’ve already put an advert in for me.”<br />
Now he has actually met someone-else. “But I need my girlfriend, I don’t want to leave her alone and<br />
helpless.”<br />
15. Man, 29 years old. I’m a jobbing gardener, I’m not so good at talking - other people have<br />
reproached me for that. That hurt. I told them that but they just changed the subject and I realised, they<br />
don’t want to change their opinion.<br />
16. Woman, 42 years old. I’ve always done so much for the church but no one ever said thank you and<br />
I’m always being prevented from doing something. Every time I want to do something, the others stand<br />
in my way; they vote against me or actively try to hinder me. Now I’m not going to do anything more,<br />
that’ll show you…<br />
17. Man, 21 years old. I was at many different schools. My parents always paid for me but I could never<br />
stay the course, my marks were always too bad. I work nights sometimes in the cinema as usher but<br />
I’ve still hardly got any money, my Mum gives me some, when I beg, and sometimes I just take it from<br />
her purse…<br />
241
How to receive good supervision<br />
What kind of questions is suitable to profit most from the advice of my consultant?<br />
Consider the following list of helpful examples.<br />
• I have observed the following symptom… (Description of the symptom). I assume, that this and<br />
this… (Explanation) is the reason for it. What do you think about that?<br />
• Presumably there is an inner wound – but I am not quite sure about that….<br />
• She/He speaks a lot about his circumstances but hardly anything about herself/himself, despite<br />
having been asked by me to do that – what is going on there?<br />
• I felt so helpless in this counselling, perhaps it is why……………but even when that is the case it<br />
does not prove helpful for me.<br />
• I am going to describe to you a short passage of my counselling session, when I have felt<br />
uncomfortable. Please help me to analyse that.<br />
• I am going to describe to you a short passage of my counselling session, which seemed successful<br />
for me – but tell me, what could I do better?<br />
• I guess that my counselee is showing the attitude Not Okay – Not Okay. What do you think?<br />
• At a certain point a special memory rose up in my spirit. I don’t know why.<br />
• I got the impression that my counselee was closed up, excessively talkative, expecting too much,<br />
confusing, boring…..so I tried to intervene – what do you think?<br />
• She wanted to know from me……but my answer did not fit….how could I have done better?<br />
242
LEVEL 1 UNIT 21 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
TOPIC: MY GOALS AND CONSTRAINTS.<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
1 To know about my goals and possible constraints<br />
60 Minutes<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
1 Teaching: introducing possible constraints in the goals. 10 Minutes<br />
2 Filling up “my plan and goal” individually 15 Minutes<br />
3 All in groups of threes, discuss the “my plan and goal” 20 Minutes<br />
4 Plenary for general sharing. 15 Minutes<br />
My goals<br />
Find your way between goals and constraint of daily business, between planning and the chaos.<br />
There are disruptive actions, that are normal.<br />
After interruption, you go back fast and concentrate to continue your planned way.<br />
Improve your self management and choose priorities.<br />
To reach visions, you need three conditions<br />
<strong>1.</strong>) wanting to<br />
<strong>2.</strong>) knowing how to<br />
<strong>3.</strong>) having the chance to<br />
How do we react, when impediments arrive?<br />
How are my motivators working?<br />
External Optimism: Good things will happen. No action required (= defensive optimism)<br />
Perceived Self-Efficacy: I can create a successful way of action<br />
because I am competent (= functional optimism, optimistic self-beliefs)<br />
Are there any drivers?<br />
i.e. be strong, hurry up, do it right for everybody, try hard, be perfect<br />
Or Are there any bans?<br />
Don’t feel anything, keep smiling like a child, be not yourself, you are not intelligent enough don’t think<br />
yourself, don’t touch.<br />
experiences, experiments, persuasion (inner and verbal voices) influence the degree of expectations, of<br />
hope, and the self-efficacy and the behaviour to reach the goals.<br />
243
My Plan and Goal.<br />
Targets – 1 step after half<br />
an year<br />
Aims – <strong>2.</strong> step after 2<br />
years<br />
Goals –<strong>3.</strong> step after 5<br />
years<br />
Concept,<br />
ideas<br />
vision<br />
My personality<br />
My abilities as counsellor<br />
My role in the church<br />
My counselees<br />
My consultant and<br />
intervision<br />
244
UNIT 22 STEPS OF BEHAVIOUR TRAINING<br />
LEVEL 1: UNITS 20- 23<br />
FINALITY APPROACH OF BEHAVIOUR PROBLEMS<br />
UNIT 20 UNIT 21 UNIT 22<br />
ABCDEF METHOD HIDDEN GOALS STEPS OF<br />
BEHAVIOUR<br />
TRAINING<br />
SESSION 1 60 MINUTES THE A-B-C-D-E-F-<br />
METHOD<br />
DETECT HIDDEN<br />
GOALS AND<br />
DEGREE OF<br />
MOTIVATION (1).<br />
LISTENING TO<br />
GOD IN<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM<br />
SESSION 2<br />
5 MINUTES<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
QUESTIONNAIRE<br />
FOR SELF-<br />
EXAMINATION –<br />
FALSE GOALS<br />
DETECT HIDDEN<br />
GOALS AND<br />
DEGREE OF<br />
MOTIVATION (2).<br />
VIOLENCE,<br />
IN<br />
COUNSELLING<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM<br />
SESSION 3<br />
5 MINUTES<br />
60 MINUTES<br />
CHECK LIST FOR<br />
CHANGES:<br />
4-SIEVES<br />
EXAMINE CASE<br />
STUDIES AND<br />
GETTING<br />
SUPERVISION<br />
CODE OF<br />
ETHICS AND<br />
PRACTICE<br />
BREAK<br />
MINIMUM<br />
5 MINUTES<br />
SESSION 4 60 MINUTES WORKSHEET<br />
FOR THE A-B-C-<br />
D-E-F-METHOD<br />
OF CHANGING<br />
ONE’S WAY OF<br />
THINKING.<br />
MY GOALS<br />
AND<br />
CONSTRAINTS<br />
COUNSELLING:<br />
COMPETENCE<br />
AND LIMITS<br />
245
LEVEL 1 UNIT 22 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
SESSION1<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC: LISTENING TO GOD IN COUNSELLING<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know how to take steps to listen to God in and through counselling session.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY I DO TO TEACH AND YOU LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching about how to take steps to listen to God in counselling. 15 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Demonstration of a counselling session with a trainer as a counsellor.<br />
While counselling all students could watch the handling of the session.<br />
35 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Plenary session for collating ideas with regard to<br />
the detection of God’s voice in counselling.<br />
10 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
Listening to God in Counselling<br />
Why is it relevant?<br />
To listen to God while counselling is a very powerful tool. That is one of the big differences between<br />
Christian counselling and secular advising. But we must not think, that listening to God means to do<br />
without active listening to the counselee! Both is necessary and supplement each other. Why is<br />
listening to God so important?<br />
• Jesus did it.<br />
Often he gained prophetic insights, when he spoke with people. He knew, what was the matter with<br />
them, because he was very close to the father and felt the heart and the ideas of God about that<br />
person.<br />
Examples: John 2:25 “He did not need man's testimony about man, for he knew what was in a man”.<br />
John 4:16-19. “He told her, Go, call your husband and come back." "I have no husband," she replied.<br />
Jesus said to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five<br />
husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true." "Sir,"<br />
the woman said, "I can see that you are a prophet.<br />
Very good example is John 9:2-4. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents,<br />
that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so<br />
that the work of God might be displayed in his life. As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who<br />
sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work.<br />
On the other hand Jesus asked: Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?" "From<br />
childhood," he answered. (Mark 9:21) So he also made some investigation!<br />
• Every person a mystery<br />
Read <strong>1.</strong>Cor 2:1<strong>1.</strong> “For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within<br />
him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.”<br />
1Cor 4:4-5 “My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me.<br />
Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light<br />
246
what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive<br />
his praise from God.”<br />
We know only a tiny bit about ourselves let alone other people. By the best investigation we cannot<br />
fathom the depth of a person. Only God can that and so we need his revelation. We need to hit the goal<br />
on time.<br />
To get revelation from God saves much time and energy and we can focus much better. Often it is<br />
really difficult to focus, because there are many problems. The Lord can help us to find the focus or he<br />
even surprises us which something, which has not been said by the counselee at all!<br />
• Gods Plan has to be fulfilled here and now<br />
See John 5:19. “Jesus gave them this answer: "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself;<br />
he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does”.<br />
What is God wanting to say, or to act, how is he feeling about the counselee? What is God’s next step<br />
now?<br />
Notice: God’s information has always priority.<br />
• Revelation comforts<br />
If the counselee experiences, that God is speaking, if he feels godly wisdom within the counsellor, if he<br />
feels very personally spoken to by God, he will be encouraged, comforted and will much more easily<br />
open up.<br />
How do I listen to the voice of God?<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Become recipient<br />
Often God wants to speak, but we are not recipient at all, we think too much, we pray too little, we say<br />
too much and we are in a hurry. Pray to God, sometimes in your mind, sometimes aloud together with<br />
the counselee for wisdom and revelation. And then take time, at least for one or two minutes to keep<br />
silence. Just relax in the presence of the Lord and expect him whispering to you. Listen quietly and<br />
carefully and with expectance.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Perceive the soft voice of the Lord<br />
Very important: Get rid of any fixed or narrow ideas of HOW the voice of the Lord comes. It comes in a<br />
variety of ways! Notice: Usually it is a small, soft voice, which does not shout and push. Not<br />
spectacular. Often very simple. Just something comes into your mind…<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Consider the indications of the voice of the Lord<br />
There are some indications of the voice of the Lord, which often occur, they make it probable, that it is<br />
from God.<br />
Newness. It is new, it does not come by associate or connotation, and it had not been before in your<br />
mind.<br />
Clearness and distinctiveness. That does not mean loudness or overwhelming sensations and<br />
wonderfully bright visions<br />
4. Repetition, Stickiness. It comes again and again, it returns to you<br />
Inner conviction and certainty that it is really God Coherence. It really fits the situation of the counselee,<br />
it is like a lacking puzzle piece, and it helps immediately.<br />
247
5. Be ready for different shapes of prophetic impressions<br />
• An inner picture, either as a fixed picture or as a moving scene<br />
• A Bible verse (Content of the verse)<br />
• A scripture (Not the content of the verse, but place, for example „Isaiah 52:30“)<br />
• A word or a sentence, for example „loneliness“, or „She is a very courageous woman.“<br />
• A feeling (joy, hurt, pain, either in your soul or in different parts of your body). This feeling can<br />
express the feelings of God about that person or the feelings of the person, God lets you feel, how<br />
the person is feeling deep inside, completely hidden.<br />
• A word of wisdom. A good idea comes into your mind which will prove very helpful.<br />
• Take steps of faith and act<br />
• Receive the impression as something from God<br />
6. Speak it out with words like this:<br />
Something came into my mind…does it help you? I have got an idea… I saw this and this and my<br />
interpretation is…what do you think?<br />
Never say: THIS IS THE WORD OF THE LORD (because it may not be.)<br />
We may guess! And we may make mistakes!<br />
Prove it.<br />
Will it be confirmed? Does it help in any way?<br />
If it does not prove helpful at all, just leave it.<br />
248
LEVEL 1 UNIT 22 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
VIOLENCE, ADDICTION, FINANCIAL PROBLEMS IN COUNSELLING.<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To know how to take steps to keep away and protect you or your counselee from<br />
violence of any source.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching main points about violence, (addiction and<br />
financial problems is just for reading) to the students<br />
30 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Sharing about the teaching in small groups. 20 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Plenary session for collating ideas with regard to 10 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
Violence<br />
Self-recognition as counsellor<br />
Remember your experience with violence, your normal behaviour (withdrawal, attack, making peace,<br />
feeling guilty,)<br />
Observe your body language, you know how tension and fear changes reason and behaviour.<br />
Know how (bad) feelings will transfer and sometimes overwhelm – and stand yourself, keep free, pray<br />
because sometimes oppressed feelings in counselee will manifest in your emotions, also in your team<br />
will transfer the struggle, guilty feelings also.<br />
Lean back, take time, a rest, breath, but do not delay, analyze relationships, the weak points, also the<br />
power and resources, make plans.<br />
Speak about it with a consultant or colleague, take distance. Protect and defend yourself but do not<br />
fight for your rights<br />
What could I make me an offender?<br />
• I like to reach goals – effectiveness,<br />
• I like to rule over others – power-struggle,<br />
• I like to use others by saving them – excessive helper,<br />
• I like to find a rational external solution – it’s not my responsibility what I did,<br />
• I don’t’ like to speak about dark sides – I’m not able to verbalize cruel behaviour so I act,<br />
• I don’t feel anything – I hit without emotions,<br />
• My body is not mine,<br />
• Violence is necessary – that’s my experience in childhood<br />
How to handle with violence<br />
Everyone needs to develop his/her personal power as far as possible in order to become a person who<br />
is able to truly live and achieve. The word power is linked with “to be able to”: the ability to act (to be<br />
active, to be effective). It is the ability to have influence (to be able to influence people). It can be<br />
249
expressed as physical power, to have control over or authority over others, to be able to command.<br />
How power becomes violent.<br />
Power itself is not negative. But if I use my power to influence others so that I can achieve my own aims<br />
in order to strengthen my own position and self-worth, power then becomes violent.<br />
Kinds of violence<br />
• Physical violence: blow, kicks, bites, burns, being locked up, being mishandled.<br />
• Psychological violence: control, threats, to be sworn at, to be made to feel inferior<br />
• Sexual violence: rape, sexual abuse<br />
• Spiritual violence: psychological misuse of power, a system built on hierarchy<br />
The effects of violence on people<br />
The main result of the misuse of power is that trust in oneself, in the world and also in God is<br />
diminished. All of the following can be the result of psychological or physical violence: bodily injuries,<br />
attacks of fear, feeling insecure, mistrust, resignation, feeling guilty, being depressed, and loss of<br />
concentration or memory, being unable to sleep, nightmares, nerves and all kinds of pain.<br />
There are many ways people deal with their experiences of violence:<br />
Covering up, pretending it didn’t happen, time will heal, pretending that it’s not so bad, , telling no- one<br />
because of fear, telling people, telling one person/everybody, looking at it carefully, working through the<br />
experience, dealing with the pain.<br />
Important is how those surrounding react them.<br />
• Is the person believed?<br />
• Is he supported?<br />
• How is violence seen in the society?<br />
• Can the violence be stopped?<br />
• Is there a possibility of working through the experience and dealing with the pain?<br />
If these questions can be answered positively, the possibility that experience can be worked through is<br />
greater than if the person receives no support and is left alone.<br />
Prevention<br />
Talk about the possibility of violence<br />
For it to be explained in sermons and discussed in house cells. To talk about the misuse of power, to<br />
always be right and to become aware when someone has very little feeling of self –worth.<br />
To talk about anger.<br />
What can I do when I am angry?<br />
How do I deal with it?<br />
Is there a meaningful way of dealing with it?<br />
Use the Bible in this connection:<br />
Proverbs 13:24;<br />
250
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.<br />
Hebrews 12:5-7;<br />
“And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not<br />
make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord<br />
disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." Endure hardship as<br />
discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?”<br />
To deal with it constructively as a leader both in church and at home.<br />
To reflect and consider my own way of leading.<br />
To create an atmosphere where it is possible to talk about violence so that those guilty<br />
are not condemned and they can be helped.<br />
It is very important to create an atmosphere where people can give and receive correction<br />
Offer courses on marriage:<br />
God’s idea of man and woman,<br />
God’s idea of relationship.<br />
Offer courses on education:<br />
How can I encourage, challenge my child?<br />
How should I react when he disobeys?<br />
Which rules or guidelines does my child need?<br />
Intervention<br />
As a counsellor attacked by counselee<br />
Immediately:<br />
You stop violence by voice<br />
(don’t show anger, keep calm, do not blame)<br />
You stop violence by leaving<br />
(Let the door open, run away to a secure place, do not fight and hit, do not try to show, that you are<br />
bigger, stronger...)<br />
If needed, call for help, do not attack, better than threaten, explain calmly the rules, be more like a<br />
rubber than a stone<br />
When a counselee is a victim<br />
Help them to protect, mostly they are not able to do it themselves, to leave the place and to hide, let the<br />
family come to your office, go home if necessary , give a help-hotline .<br />
When the counselee is an offender<br />
Make a contract to stop using violence, give a help-hotline, speak with the family, make a contract<br />
together, start a self-help group<br />
When suicide happens<br />
Give opportunities to speak about the deserted person, do not speak about the manners of suicide,<br />
organise a funeral where guilt will not be loaded onto the shoulder of friends, family members (and<br />
counsellor). If in a class or group with fixed places: change places after some days, speak about the<br />
normal reactions: shame, guilt, angry, shock, denial, sadness, fear, less of appetite, sleepless ness ,<br />
lack of concentration and after some month: process new orientation …<br />
251
Addiction<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Spiritual background:<br />
We were created to reign over the world with God in His image.<br />
Gen. 1: 28.<br />
God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.<br />
Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the<br />
ground."<br />
Because of the fall we have been cut off from fellowship with God.<br />
Gen 3: 24.<br />
“After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming<br />
sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.”<br />
This breaking of fellowship was so strong that it tore away a part of man.<br />
As a consequence the loss of fellowship left a big hole.<br />
Mt. 4: 4<br />
Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from<br />
the mouth of God.”<br />
Man tries to fill this hole with all possible means. But since this hole has no bottom, man tries to fill it all<br />
the more which becomes an addiction.<br />
One can only fill this hole with God.<br />
Prov. 16, 20: Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Worldly background:<br />
The world says there have been addictions as long as there are people. Behind every addiction there is<br />
a need. Since we people are relationship beings, no addiction can satisfy our deepest need for<br />
fellowship. When fleeing from conflicts we have adopted certain habits. And so the danger area of<br />
addictive behaviour develops. Addiction starts where consciously and in an increasing measure one<br />
‘remedy’ is used that happens to pacify or satisfy one at the moment.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Definition:<br />
Addiction usually manifests itself in a compensational compulsive complex of a person’s emotions,<br />
thoughts and actions. Characteristic of it is a limited or impossible control of such behaviour and a<br />
highly visible tendency to increase the dose.<br />
Addiction is more than being dependant – to be addicted is to be a slave. It is a condition which is no<br />
longer controlled by the will.<br />
There are an emotional and a physical dependency. Emotional dependency is shown by the fact that<br />
one cannot imagine a life without it any more. In physical dependency the body has already adapted<br />
itself to the addiction in such a way that it cannot live without it any more either.<br />
4. Forms:<br />
Addiction to buying, eating obsession, gambling, workaholism, cleaning obsession, addiction to TV,<br />
pornography, music, alcohol, smoking and drug addiction, kleptomania, addiction to amusement,<br />
obsession with recognition and importance, addiction to power, sport, lying, religious fanaticism,<br />
serving….<br />
252
5. Factors influencing addiction:<br />
- Parents’ style of upbringing<br />
- The way the parents deal with addiction<br />
- Difficulties in everyday life<br />
- Friends<br />
- Social thinking: materialism, performance-oriented thinking, perfectionism,<br />
- Family break-up/ family pressure<br />
- Personality type<br />
6. How do I get free from addiction?<br />
Step 1: recognition - who does not recognise that he is addicted and is not able to come out by himself,<br />
cannot be helped!<br />
Step 2: talk about it – what has been expressed is in the light and has lost power!<br />
Step 3: if someone does not tackle the problem he will not come free! Taking stock: clarify the course of<br />
events/pattern and relationships<br />
Step 4: Therapy – self-help groups - mentoring – medication – professional help.<br />
Step 5: Time does not heal (automatically) but healing needs time in order to learn new Biblical<br />
patterns. On the one hand crying to God and on the other hand waiting for God’s time. Psalm 107.<br />
253
Conclusion:<br />
Repressing deficiencies is sin and shows my deception towards God and people.<br />
Deficiencies apply to all areas: spirit, emotions and body.<br />
All addictions are relationship killers towards God and people.<br />
Healing in the spiritual area starts where God’s presence first has its effect.<br />
Counselling is relationship therapy first to God and then to people.<br />
Counselling of addicted people needs much patience and mercy.<br />
Meeting Financial Problems in Counselling<br />
<strong>1.</strong> General financial principles of the Bible<br />
The basic one: God wants to supply all our needs and is able to do it<br />
Basic Bible scripture:<br />
Mat 6:25-32<br />
25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what<br />
you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?<br />
26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly<br />
Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?<br />
27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?<br />
28 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labour or<br />
spin.<br />
29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these.<br />
30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the<br />
fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?<br />
31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'<br />
32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.<br />
33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.<br />
Distinction between needs, improvements and desires<br />
But we have to distinguish between needs, improvements and desires.<br />
Needs are the things, which are really necessary to save and maintain our very lives. Improvements<br />
involve choices about quality – whether to get a simple washing machine or a high quality one, whether<br />
to eat just food or a five course dish.<br />
Desires are choices of things, we do not need but which are nice, well pleasing and enjoyable.<br />
254
Example. A small good used car would meet a basic need, a new car is a reasonable improvement,<br />
and a new four wheeled big car might be desired.<br />
There are testing times<br />
We can rely on God’s provision. That means:<br />
He will supply all the things, which we need for body, soul and spirit to live a life glorifying him and<br />
pleasing him.<br />
That does not exclude difficult times of testing, where we hunger and thirst, but they will pass. They are<br />
under God’s control.<br />
Deu 8:3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you<br />
nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that<br />
comes from the mouth of the LORD.<br />
Exo 16:2-3<br />
In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. The Israelites said to them, "If<br />
only we had died by the LORD's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food<br />
we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death."<br />
Rom 8:35<br />
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine,<br />
or nakedness, or peril, or sword?<br />
God has made the rich and the poor!<br />
Pro 22:2 Rich and poor have this in common: The LORD is the Maker of them all.<br />
Ecc 5:19 Also every man to whom God has given riches and wealth, and has given him power to eat of<br />
it and to take his portion, and to rejoice in his labour; this is the gift of God.<br />
Pro 29:13 The poor man and the oppressor have this in common: The LORD gives sight to the eyes of<br />
both.<br />
1Sa 2:7 The LORD sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts.<br />
Mat 26:11 For you have the poor with you always, but you do not always have Me.<br />
There will always be poor people. This is part of our world and will be till Jesus comes back.<br />
That means for the counsellor: Poverty can be a curse and a blessing. Richness can be a curse and a<br />
blessing.<br />
255
We shall cast our anxiety on him<br />
1Pe 5:6-7 Therefore be humbled under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you in due time,<br />
(7) casting all your anxiety onto Him, for He cares for you.<br />
This casting sometimes is like a heavy battle. We are surrounded by spirits of anxiety trying to break<br />
our trust and confidence and we have to fight against them consistently.<br />
We can obstruct the flow of God’s provision<br />
See these topics treated more fully under <strong>2.</strong> „Teach him to manage finances in a wise manner“<br />
By being stingy and withholding money, By making debts, By being lazy, By being greedy, covetous<br />
and envious, By unbelief, murmuring and bitterness, By sinful behaviour without repentance.<br />
Be content with what you have<br />
1Ti 6:6-8<br />
But godliness with contentment is great gain. (7) For we brought nothing into the world, and it is clear<br />
that we can carry nothing out. (8) But having food and clothing, we will be content.<br />
Heb 13:5<br />
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,<br />
"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."<br />
and Exo 20:17<br />
"You shall not covet your neighbour’s house. You shall not covet your neighbour’s wife, or his<br />
manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbour."<br />
God often gives through our giving.<br />
Luk 6:38<br />
Give, and it shall be given to you, good measure pressed down and shaken together and running over,<br />
they shall give into your bosom. For with the same measure that you measure, it shall be measured to<br />
you again.<br />
Acts 20: 35 In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak,<br />
remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.”<br />
2Co 9:6<br />
Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will<br />
also reap generously.<br />
Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for<br />
God loves a cheerful giver.<br />
256
Guidelines for counselling financial problems<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Do not play God<br />
You are not responsible to meet the financial needs of the Counselee. It is something between him and<br />
God and not something between him and you. Resist the pressure of having to help him by giving him<br />
money, when you are not clearly prompted by the spirit to do that. You should try to help him to deal<br />
with his finances (or lack of finances) in a Biblical way, so that he will receive from God and not from<br />
you.<br />
Be careful not to become the servant of your counselee’s inappropriate attitude towards finances.<br />
(Luk 12:13-15)<br />
Someone in the crowd said to him, "Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me." Jesus<br />
replied, "Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?" Then he said to them, "Watch<br />
out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his<br />
possessions."<br />
If you notice that behind the financial problem there are immoderate claims, covetousness, envy, greed,<br />
materialism, more finance will not solve the problem at all, only changing of one’s attitude.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Find out, which Biblical principle is relevant for the situation of the counselee<br />
See above. Is it required to build up his trust?<br />
• To teach him to cast his burdens unto the Lord?<br />
• To find out with him in what ways he inhibits the flow of financial grace from God?<br />
• To teach him to be content with what he has got?<br />
• To teach him to give freely and be more generous?<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Teach him to manage finances in a wise manner<br />
It is part of discipleship!<br />
Especially work on the following practical principles, using the attached scriptures.<br />
Reducing and avoiding debts. Very important!<br />
Rom 13:7-8<br />
“Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect,<br />
then respect; if honour, then honour. Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love<br />
one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.<br />
Making a budget and sticking to it, with the goal of consistently spending not more money as it is<br />
available<br />
Luk 14, 28-30<br />
257
"Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he<br />
has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone<br />
who sees it will ridicule him, saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.'<br />
Giving regularly and generously<br />
Luk 6:38<br />
Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will<br />
be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."<br />
4. Avoiding impulse buying<br />
This involves seeing something we want and buying it without checking quality, prices, whether the<br />
purchase is really needed or whether we can afford it.<br />
Gen 3:6<br />
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also<br />
desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was<br />
with her, and he ate it.<br />
1Jo 2:16<br />
For everything in the world-- the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he<br />
has and does-- comes not from the Father but from the world.<br />
Unlearning Laziness: Laziness to work or to work hard. To make a budget. To take care of property. To<br />
be faithful in the little things.<br />
Prov 6:6 – 9<br />
Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler,<br />
yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest. How long will you lie there, you<br />
sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep?<br />
Prov10:4<br />
Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth.<br />
2Th 3:10-12<br />
10 For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat."<br />
11We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies.12 Such people we<br />
command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and earn the bread they eat.<br />
5. Thanking God<br />
Thanking God often and regularly for his measure of finances he has given to us, for his present and<br />
future provision. Before eating, in the morning and in the night and especially in times of need.<br />
Psa 50:14-15 +23<br />
258
14 Sacrifice thank offerings to God; fulfil your vows to the Most High,<br />
15 and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honour me."<br />
23 He who sacrifices thank offerings honours me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the<br />
salvation of God."<br />
Phi 4:6-7<br />
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let<br />
your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding shall<br />
keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.<br />
Psa 16:6<br />
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.<br />
259
LEVEL 1 UNIT 22 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 3<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
CODE OF ETHICS AND PRACTICE<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To get to know about the useful and realistic knowledge about code of ethics<br />
and practice.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Teaching about code of ethics and practice. 30 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Plenary session for discussing the points of the teaching. 30 Minutes<br />
TEACHING:<br />
The code of ethics and practice of ACC South Asia is given under the appendix of the handbook.<br />
260
LEVEL 1 UNIT 22 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 4<br />
60 Minutes<br />
TOPIC:<br />
COUNSELLING: COMPETENCE AND LIMITS<br />
GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> To get to know the realistic and functional knowledge about the ability and<br />
helplessness of a counsellor on various issues.<br />
METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN):<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Briefing about competence and limits 05 Minutes<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Each one is working on the questions 1 – 6 and the list of possible<br />
areas of work.<br />
40 Minutes<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Sharing and discussing in small groups. 15 Minutes<br />
4. Distributing the list of Christian Consultants in North India<br />
TEACHING:<br />
Counselling: Competence and Limits<br />
Counsellors should have adequate training before beginning their counselling activities and they should<br />
see to it that they continue to have further education.<br />
Counsellors should actively assess the limits of their own competence through supervision or<br />
consultation, and by asking the opinion of their clients and other counsellors in this matter. Counsellors<br />
should only work within their known limits of competence<br />
It is a sign of competence for a counsellor to recognise his own inability to counsel certain persons and<br />
to refer them to other specialists.<br />
Questions and Suggestions<br />
<strong>1.</strong> What have been my counselling competences to date? In which areas of life or problem areas have<br />
I been able to help people in the past?<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Go through the list of “Possible areas of work and problem fields” and underline the areas where<br />
you have already been really able to help people! And underline with another colour where you got<br />
in trouble yourself!<br />
<strong>3.</strong> In which counselling competences am I training myself?<br />
4. Go through the list of “Possible areas of work and problem fields” and mark with a dot, the areas<br />
where you are training yourself in counselling competence!<br />
5. Which problem areas call rather for treatment by a doctor, psychiatrist or psychotherapist? Go<br />
through the list of “Possible areas of work and problem fields” and mark with a circle the areas<br />
which you would delegate to specialists!<br />
6. With whom can I talk over my counselling limits or questions? Who is my consultant? Start making<br />
yourself a list of trustworthy doctors, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, counsellors and social<br />
institutions, to which you can delegate your people when you come to your limits.<br />
261
Possible areas of work and problem fields (the list is not complete)<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Conflicts in relationships and personality<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Marriage and partnership problems<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Sexual problems<br />
4. Crises of life and faith<br />
5. Working through deep wounds, often from childhood and youth<br />
6. Dealing with confession, repentance and forgiveness<br />
7. Inner healing<br />
8. Deliverance<br />
9. Marriage preparation<br />
10. Fear<br />
1<strong>1.</strong> Depression<br />
1<strong>2.</strong> Compulsive behaviour<br />
1<strong>3.</strong> Addiction (drugs or alcohol)<br />
14. Anger, rage<br />
15. Jealousy<br />
16. Questions of orientation and meaning of life<br />
17. Exhaustion, burnout<br />
18. Questions of identity<br />
19. Cultivating resources and gifts, coaching<br />
20. Clearing up traumatic experiences (sexual abuse, violence)<br />
2<strong>1.</strong> Perfectionism<br />
2<strong>2.</strong> Performance orientation<br />
2<strong>3.</strong> Religious legalism<br />
24. Spiritual abuse<br />
25. Occultism<br />
26. Difficulties at work<br />
27. Spiritual follow-up of Christians<br />
28. Personal discipleship training<br />
29. Strange habits<br />
30. Dealing with psychotic disturbances (delusions)<br />
3<strong>1.</strong> Dealing with neurotic disturbances (strongly inappropriate reactions)<br />
3<strong>2.</strong> Manic-depressive disturbances<br />
3<strong>3.</strong> Schizophrenic disturbances<br />
34. Sleep disturbances<br />
35. Sexual disturbances<br />
36. Ministering to homosexuals<br />
37. Counselling concerning bringing up children<br />
38. Ministering during bereavement<br />
39. Retraining of inappropriate behaviour (thinking, talking or doing)<br />
40. Conflict management<br />
4<strong>1.</strong> Training in communication<br />
4<strong>2.</strong> Clearing up external relationships, marital unfaithfulness<br />
4<strong>3.</strong> Ministering before or after marital separation or divorce<br />
44. Ministering to a critically-ill person<br />
45. Counselling parents of children with behavioural problems<br />
46. Dealing with suicidal people<br />
47. ………………………………………………………………..<br />
……………………………………………………………….<br />
262
LEVEL 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
READING ASSESSMENT:<br />
UNITS 20- 23 FINALITY APPROACH OF BEHAVIOUR PROBLEMS<br />
Summary of the unit in your words:<br />
Write and list out the main ideas you find through out the reading materials of this particular unit.<br />
<strong>1.</strong><br />
<strong>2.</strong><br />
<strong>3.</strong><br />
4.<br />
Description of the Central idea in the unit:<br />
Identify the most important idea(s) of the unit<br />
Flow chart of the unit:<br />
You can visualize and draw the main ideas in a diagrammatic manner as they appear to your mind.<br />
My view of counselling and life advancement on the unit:<br />
Reflect through your own counselling and life advancement. What new challenges would you welcome<br />
to improve your life and counselling?<br />
263
UNITS 23 REPETITION, EVALUATION AND CERTIFICATION<br />
• If required any session could be repeated in this time.<br />
• The evaluation of this level 1counselling training is done here.<br />
• The following questions could be used for doing this evaluation.<br />
<strong>1.</strong> How does this counselling program touch my personal life?<br />
<strong>2.</strong> What are the influences and changes encouraged by<br />
this training in my ministry?<br />
<strong>3.</strong> How am I planning to use this learning in the future?<br />
4. Would you propose to add or delete any topic in the level 1 training?<br />
If ‘Yes’, please specify ‘why’.<br />
• The certification for the students is done here.<br />
NB: Teachers and students can use this time meaningfully if a good planning is done in advance.<br />
264
KNOWLEDGE ASSESSMENT UNITS 1 - 22<br />
Tick only one choice is to be made, the most appropriate answer from<br />
the choices and state your reason with comment.<br />
1 What is the main concept of counselling?<br />
Counsellor listens to counselee<br />
Listening ear binds up wounds<br />
It is a healing process<br />
Hearing the gospel and growing in the character of Jesus<br />
Giving comfort and care, as mother cares for her child<br />
Walking alongside with someone for a while<br />
It encourages repentance which leads to life.<br />
2 What is the difference between counsellor and counselee?<br />
Counsellor is hearing<br />
Counselee is talking<br />
Counsellor takes the responsibility of leading the counselling<br />
Counselee feels loved and accepted by the counsellor<br />
Counselee is a broken-hearted person<br />
Counsellor is a healed broken- hearted person<br />
Counsellor is admonishing and teaching counselee with all<br />
wisdom<br />
3 Core idea of Acts 20: 31 in relation with counsellor<br />
Counsellor spends much time, around three years<br />
Counsellor is available day and night<br />
Counsellor does his work with much affection and tears<br />
Counsellor ultimately bestows counselee to God and His<br />
grace.<br />
Guards counselee from wrong notions of life<br />
Counsellor does his duty selflessly without expecting any<br />
man’s reward<br />
Counsellor works hard and diligently<br />
4 What does ‘slow to speak’ mean in counselling? (James 1: 19)<br />
The counselee feels loved and accepted<br />
Counselee will open up<br />
Counsellor will check the problem more precisely<br />
Answer not before listening<br />
Keep counsellor’s ideas inside his hearts<br />
Counselee will open up his hurts and wounds<br />
Counselee will reveal his anxieties.<br />
Write your comment<br />
265
Tick only one choice is to be made, the most appropriate answer from<br />
the choices and state your reason with comment.<br />
5 How important to notice non verbal communication in<br />
counselling session?<br />
Notice facial expression<br />
Silence and sigh articulates much<br />
Body movement illustrates state of mind<br />
How fingers keep rest while communication goes<br />
Important to note the pause and breaks in speaking<br />
Eye contact, pitch and speed of speech speaks much<br />
Body language shows sometimes better than words<br />
6 What does God given identity for humans mean in counselling?<br />
All counselling sessions are based on this identity<br />
Men and women knew and felt that God created them<br />
Men and women will not be satisfied with God<br />
Through the Fall a lack is formed in man and woman<br />
By the Fall Man lost his relationship with God<br />
By the Fall Man lost sight of his counterpart, God<br />
Man himself tries to fill up the vacuum formed in him by Fall<br />
7 What do I learn about counselling from the washing of feet in the<br />
story of John 13: 1 – 17?<br />
Jesus had full authority but He acted in the utter meekest way<br />
Jesus does it in the full extent of love, care and compassion<br />
Counselee may be stubborn but be clear, mild and meek<br />
Honouring counselee in maximum<br />
Spirit of washing of feet brings repentance.<br />
Jesus showed us an example and expects His disciples to do<br />
the same<br />
This way surely leads to repentance in counselling<br />
8 What can I learn about counselling from 2 Tim 2: 24 – 25?<br />
In a good counselling session we have sufficient time<br />
Intimacy, high transparency, and individual attention.<br />
Don’t use boiling or ice-cold words, but gentle words<br />
Not forcing things but gently instruct even those opposing<br />
Must be kind to every one, not resentful<br />
High respect and honour to counselee<br />
Rely on God’s intervention rather than counsellor’s work<br />
Write your comment<br />
266
9. What is the most important thing a counsellor needs to keep in mind when a conflict arises<br />
during counselling session?<br />
10. How could you verify the intention of the counselee in his problem during a counselling<br />
session?<br />
1<strong>1.</strong> In 2 Tim 2:25 we read: … in the hope, that God will grant them repentance. What does that<br />
hope imply in the counselling?<br />
1<strong>2.</strong> What are the things you would like to include while ‘ending’ a counselling session?<br />
1<strong>3.</strong> What are the advantages of receiving supervision for your counselling work?<br />
14. How do knowledge of the worth and the dignity of the counselee decide your counselling<br />
session in a vital manner?<br />
15. Describe the three levels of communication.<br />
16. Give some examples on how to focus on a theme.<br />
17. Give a structure for a 20 minutes session.<br />
18. What is ‘Active Listening’?<br />
19. How do you differentiate evil influence and divine influence in counselling?<br />
20. What are the seven unchangeable characteristics in man and how significantly does this relate<br />
to his God given identity?<br />
267
2<strong>1.</strong> What do you learn from the analogy, (king and beggar), and (saint and sinner)?<br />
2<strong>2.</strong> How does the knowledge of four types of people and Johari window help in counselling<br />
session?<br />
2<strong>3.</strong> How does drama triangle and genogram particularly play together in your life situation?<br />
24. How important is the respecting and identifying the feelings of counselee in the light of<br />
genogram and sibling constellation?<br />
25. How can you give suggestions to over come wrong patterns of thought in life?<br />
26. In the Biblical view, the family (which is at least three generations) is one powerful organism.<br />
What are some practical consequences of that fact?<br />
27. What can hinder the process of bereavement in counselling session and how can you handle it<br />
in your counselling session?<br />
28. Hurts never just go away! What are the practical steps you need to keep in your mind while<br />
dealing with hurts in counselling sessions?<br />
29. What are the symptoms of hurts in physical, mental and spiritual realm?<br />
30. How do you deal with the inner hurts you had to forgive?<br />
3<strong>1.</strong> What is the main principle of ABCDEF method? And how is it important to the realm of feelings<br />
in ones life?<br />
268
3<strong>2.</strong> What are the symptoms for identifying a good spirit of motivation?<br />
3<strong>3.</strong> What are the benefits you receive in forgiveness?<br />
34. What is the truth in saying forgiveness is not primarily feeling but a decision based on God’s<br />
word? How can you apply it in the hard feelings of one’s life in the counselling session?<br />
35. How can you put into practice the act on cross and forgiveness in your counselling context?<br />
36. What are the core ideas of various development theories and how are these significantly<br />
relevant in Christian counselling? What is the caution needed to be taken in applying<br />
development theory?<br />
37. How do apply the four sieves in your counselling session?<br />
38. How do you detect your limits in a counselling session? How do you respond to it?<br />
39. How do you practise “my confessions” in your counselling session?<br />
40. What is the greatest obstacle in your counselling ministry and how do you over come it?<br />
4<strong>1.</strong> How will you face the situation if your counselee gets violent on you for no reason of your own?<br />
4<strong>2.</strong> How do you make use of the knowledge of non verbal communication for the better out come of<br />
counselling session?<br />
269
ASSIGNMENTS DURING LEVEL 1(UNITS 1-23)<br />
• 50 hours of counselling with supervised report<br />
• 10 hours of Reading and writing<br />
• 1 case study of maximum 1250 words<br />
• The checklists for both reading and counselling assignments are given below.<br />
• For doing the reading and counselling assignments during the period of unit 1 to unit 23 various<br />
assisting forms for the trainees are also given below.<br />
• Case study structure and one sample case study are also given below.<br />
270
LEVEL 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
READING ASSESSMENT:<br />
UNIT :(write its number and name)<br />
Summary of the unit in your words:<br />
Write and list out the main ideas you find a through out the reading materials of this particular unit.<br />
<strong>1.</strong><br />
<strong>2.</strong><br />
<strong>3.</strong><br />
4.<br />
Description of the Central idea in the unit:<br />
Identify the most important idea(s) of the unit<br />
Flow chart of the unit:<br />
You can visualize and draw the main ideas in a diagrammatic manner as they appear to your mind.<br />
My view of counselling and life advancement on the unit:<br />
Reflect through your own counselling and life advancement. What new challenges would you welcome<br />
to improve your life and counselling?<br />
271
LEVEL 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
ASSIGNMENTS CHECK LIST OF THE LEVEL 1 TRAINING<br />
50 Hours of supervised counselling<br />
Date Hours Issue of Counselling Signature<br />
Supervisor<br />
Signature<br />
Trainer<br />
272
NB:<br />
For each session you need to fill in the attached COUNSELLOR’S NOTE AFTER COUNSELLING<br />
and the attached COUNSELEE’S REMARK ON COUNSELLOR’S CONTRIBUTION.<br />
You need to show the paper to your teacher with these Check List. You are free to use the threshold<br />
questionnaire for conducting counselling sessions.<br />
273
LEVEL 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
10 Hours of reading and writing<br />
Name of the reading topic Hours done Signature Trainer<br />
274
LEVEL 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
COUNSELLOR’S NOTE AFTER COUNSELLING<br />
COUNSELLOR:<br />
COUNSELEE:<br />
COUNSELLING DATE:<br />
DURATION:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Summary of issue dealt with<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Main questions/ideas raised by counsellor during the counselling session<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Main questions/ideas raised by counselee during the counselling session<br />
4. An important moment felt in the counsellor’s heart due to something said by the counselee<br />
5. Your suggestions for the growth of the counselee<br />
275
LEVEL 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
COUNSELEE’S REMARK ON COUNSELLOR’S CONTRIBUTION<br />
COUNSELLOR’S NAME:<br />
COUNSELLING DATE:<br />
DURATION:<br />
KINDLY TICK THE FOLLOWING:<br />
1 I could experience that he/she took enough time to listen to me. ok good superb<br />
2 I realise that he/she understands me well. ok good superb<br />
3 I say that he/she allowed me to talk as much I wanted. ok good superb<br />
4 I want to continue sessions with him/her further. ok good superb<br />
Any special comments:<br />
Name:<br />
Signature:<br />
276
LEVEL 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
THRESHOLD QUESTIONNAIRE FOR COUNSELEE<br />
NAME:<br />
DATE OF FILLING UP:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> KINDLY TICK THE FOLLOWING:<br />
1 It was fully my decision to come for this counselling session YES NO NOT SURE<br />
2 I’m passionate about serving Lord in my life under all circumstances. YES NO NOT SURE<br />
3 I like somebody supports me in my life with counsel. YES NO NOT SURE<br />
4 I mostly like to give service first rather than I receive service first. YES NO NOT SURE<br />
5 I appreciate well if I am understood reasonably well. YES NO NOT SURE<br />
6 I feel most of the time that things go wrong with me. YES NO NOT SURE<br />
7 I feel frightened and worried many times. YES NO NOT SURE<br />
8 I am deeply hurt by certain people YES NO NOT SURE<br />
9 I think I need help very much in certain areas or matters in life. YES NO NOT SURE<br />
<strong>2.</strong> GIVE THE NAME, GENDER AND AGE OF THE FOLLOWING: e.g. John (M) (49)<br />
a) Father ……………………. b) Mother ………………………………<br />
c) Brother/Sister <strong>1.</strong> ………………… <strong>2.</strong> ………………… <strong>3.</strong> ………………… 4. …………………<br />
d) Husband/Wife …………………<br />
5. ………………… 6. ………………… 7. ………………… 8. …………………<br />
e) Children <strong>1.</strong> ………………… <strong>2.</strong> ………………… <strong>3.</strong> ………………… 4. …………………<br />
<strong>3.</strong> I NEED SOME GUIDANCE IN THE FOLLOWING AREAS: (TICK IF ANY)<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Addiction <strong>2.</strong> Sexual characteristics <strong>3.</strong> Relationship<br />
4. Faith matters 5. Education 6. Occupation 7. Married life 8. Finance 9. Others:__________<br />
4. SOME TIMES I FEEL: (TICK IF ANY)<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Headache <strong>2.</strong> Back pain <strong>3.</strong> Asthma/blood pressure/sugar 4. Sleeplessness/over sleepy<br />
5. Lack of appetite 6. Fatigue 7. Frightening night dreams 8. Hallucinations<br />
9. Excitement 10. Restlessness 1<strong>1.</strong> Depression / rejection<br />
4. IN THIS PARTICULAR COUNSELLING SESSION I WOULD LIKE TO DEAL WITH A SPECIFIC MATTER:<br />
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />
5. Any other comments:<br />
6. Give the date: <strong>1.</strong> Salvation: Date…. Month…. Year…. <strong>2.</strong> Baptism: Date…. Month…. Year…. .<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Receiving the Holy Spirit: Date…. Month…. Year….<br />
Name:<br />
Signature<br />
277
LEVEL 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
SELF EVALUATION OF THE COUNSELLING SESSION BY COUNSELLOR<br />
COUNSELEE DATE PLACE TIME<br />
1 Overall flow of<br />
counselling<br />
Under my<br />
expectation<br />
Average Good Warming up Ending Struggles Openings Follow up<br />
Comment<br />
2 Subjects<br />
talked<br />
1 2 3 4 5<br />
Focussed one matter<br />
What When How Why Outcome<br />
3 Thoughts Counsellor<br />
1 2 3 4 5 6 7<br />
Counselee<br />
4 Feelings Counsellor<br />
Counselee<br />
5 Experience Counsellor<br />
counselee<br />
6 Tools and<br />
Methods<br />
Active<br />
listening<br />
Solution<br />
focussing<br />
Prayer Bible reading Letter writing Genogram Siblings Other’s<br />
guilt<br />
Breaking at<br />
the Cross<br />
Chair<br />
method<br />
Let Feeling go Cancelling<br />
undisturbed the debt<br />
ABCDEF<br />
Johari<br />
window<br />
Development<br />
theory<br />
Worth &<br />
dignity<br />
Four types<br />
of people<br />
Drama<br />
Triangle<br />
Four viewing<br />
My<br />
Confessions<br />
Fact, Feeling,<br />
Intention<br />
Non verbal<br />
Creative or<br />
other: name it<br />
Voice of<br />
God<br />
7 Intervention by<br />
counsellor<br />
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8<br />
8 Action plan for<br />
counselee<br />
9 Self reflection<br />
10 Consultation<br />
NB: write significant matters only in short in every space given. Use pencil, if erasing is needed.<br />
278
LEVEL 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING<br />
CASE STUDY OF MAXIMUM 1250 WORDS: STRUCTURE<br />
FIRST HALF OF CASE STUDY<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Issue and Process of the Counselling<br />
Maximum ½ of the case study (maximum 625 words)<br />
• To review the counselling process and the main focus<br />
• To review and verify main thoughts, feelings and experience<br />
of counselee and counsellor<br />
SECOND HALF OF CASE STUDY<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Reflection of the Counselling Process and Self Reflection of the own Work as Counsellor<br />
Minimum half of the case study (625 words)<br />
• Which tools and methods did you use?<br />
• Evaluate interventions and your action plan<br />
• Self reflection of own work as a counsellor with the help of a consultant.<br />
279
A CASE WORK ON CONFLICTING MARRIED COUPLE:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> ISSUE AND PROCESS OF THE COUNSELLING AND MAIN FOCUS:<br />
A woman walked in to attend the church service with a three and a half year old child. I received her as<br />
a pastor’s wife and gave care to her. She started sharing her problem.<br />
She was a Hindu girl working in the Ministry of external affairs. She went to Yugoslavia on her posting.<br />
There she met an Indian boy who was doing his MBBS. They fell in love and got married in India.<br />
They had a good start. The husband heard about Jesus in his childhood so they used to go to some<br />
Catholic church. They found it was a good place to be alone for both of them to pray.<br />
As the days went by she got posted to the USA. Then her in-laws started visiting and problems started.<br />
They started arguing and fighting. Life became full of problems .She had problems with the husband<br />
and in-laws. Her family members had rejected her from childhood.<br />
My first thoughts and hesitations<br />
I thought it was impossible for her to restore her family life. We cannot counsel only one person<br />
because we don’t know the thoughts and desires of the other side. She already planned to divorce her<br />
husband and to marry another man. She always talked in that line. She was prepared in the mind but in<br />
the corner she wanted him because she loved still him.<br />
Process<br />
We met over a period of three years. I can't count the different kind of meetings.<br />
First, she did not have communication with her husband. I asked her to write some letters to show that<br />
she still loves him. She did so. It opened both their eyes and their love for each other. I believe that he<br />
also felt good and responded.<br />
Second, I told her that in her letters not to write so much about herself and struggle. That helped him<br />
because he was not threatened of this relationship based on his performance. She was ready to accept<br />
him. So they started talking over phone in an extended time. Whenever she asked him “When are you<br />
going to work? When will you take us there?” I found him irritated and angry with her and then stopped<br />
communications. Because at this point He could not practically take them without money, job. If she<br />
demanded, more frustrations occurred for both of them. He felt failure in career, studies, family life, as a<br />
son before his parents. He was in a situation studying there supported by parents. She didn’t have<br />
enough money to help him. He wanted to work there, and didn’t want come back to India. So he<br />
struggled for visa money. He was in a situation where he could not take a decision –money constrains,<br />
desire to be there, anxiety for his future job as doctor there, parents expectation, still taking money from<br />
them for his studies. It was above all, meeting their and his wife’s expectation.<br />
Main Focus: After listening to her few for a few weeks, we agreed upon focusing just one matter that<br />
she wanted the most. It was the reconciliation with husband but all doors were closed. She did not have<br />
any communication with him.<br />
My intervention precisely was to show her how she could support him in this situation as a suitable<br />
partner till he settles down. This would be the best way to make him understand that she loves him, not<br />
demanding with her needs. Desires, God will provide that for her. My point was not breaking that string<br />
of relationship she was having through phone and mail.<br />
280
<strong>2.</strong> REFLECTION OF THE COUNSELLING PROCESS AND<br />
SELF REFLECTON OF THE OWN WORK AS COUNSELLOR<br />
Tools and Methods used:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> Active listening: In two to three sittings she spoke her stories, hurt, fearful thoughts, frustration at<br />
work and at home and she felt relaxed.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> Prayer: Started with prayer and ended with prayer and she liked the prayer and cooperated with<br />
prayers seriously.<br />
<strong>3.</strong> Focusing just on one problem: It was the reconciliation with husband she wanted the most and<br />
we focussed on that but all doors were closed.<br />
4. Solution focused approach: As counsellor I asked her what would happen if she could write some<br />
normal letters to him. She felt it was ok.<br />
5. Letter writing: And she did so. To our surprise he responded slowly.<br />
6. Practical assignment like Bible reading: I gave her to read some Bible portion talking about<br />
God’s design of family and its importance. It helped her.<br />
7. Genogram: One thing found was that family breaking down and some behavioural pattern was<br />
identified namely dominance.<br />
8. Cross at Calvary: Broke the power of them at the cross by praying and uprooting the curses.<br />
9. Dealing with the other’s guilt: She was basically rejected from childhood; physically and verbally<br />
abused by parents. Sexually abused by others; like friends in working place and relatives too.<br />
10. Method of chair: Kept a chair thinking the person sitting before her and shared what they did to<br />
her. And how she felt about that. And how it was hurting her then.<br />
1<strong>1.</strong> Allowing free flow of feelings: She released her anger, resentment, guilt, hurt. She cried aloud<br />
and she got personal relief and deliverance.<br />
1<strong>2.</strong> Cancelling the debt: She released the people from her heart. She believed judgment and<br />
punishment belongs to God. She cancelled the debt by forgiving them.<br />
1<strong>3.</strong> Abcdef method: Used to change her wrong pattern and self destructing thoughts through this<br />
method.<br />
Evaluation of my Interventions<br />
I often reacted as a counsellor without an overall strategy due to the role conflicts written below. But the<br />
woman and I agreed to the main focus of reconciliation. That gave my partly confused intervention,<br />
meaning and power and led at the end to success with the help of God.<br />
Consultation:<br />
I consulted with a consultant. There it was suggested to me to make the contract, especially about time.<br />
And also suggested to me that if it didn’t happen, it would be good to direct her to another counsellor.<br />
281
Self reflection:<br />
Difficult to say no: I realize now that it was my problem to say no to her whenever she wanted to talk<br />
to me or spend time with her in a reasonable manner with out murmuring inside.<br />
Church member and took much time: She attended church regularly and wanted to use most of the<br />
time with me and that became a disturbance for me.<br />
Referred to other counsellors: So I slowly and gently directed her to another counsellor but she came<br />
back to me.<br />
No contracting: I see that it was mostly my responsibility to lead counselee for having a contract of<br />
time as the leader of the counselling session.<br />
Role conflicts: She felt good, some times having me as her mother. Other times, she saw me as a<br />
sister, a pastor’s wife, and counsellor. I was confused really which role to choose.<br />
Inner conflict: As a counsellor I had an inner conflict and struggled between being a helper, a helpless<br />
counsellor and an active counsellor. I helped her in my powerless situation as counsellor. I could not do<br />
much as an active counsellor except to help her writing letters I advised her not to disturb him or irritate<br />
him by talking about her wants and demands. Just to be a support understanding him.<br />
Finally: Through letters and over phone they kept the relationship going. In the third year she got<br />
transferred to Cuba on the way she stayed back in the USA. for three months and had good time. Even<br />
when I had a chance to be there in the USA I could spend a day with this family. All glory to God!<br />
282
APPLICATION FORM FOR LEVEL 1 BASIC CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING COURSE:<br />
Name:<br />
Marital status: Single / Married<br />
Gender: Male / Female Age:<br />
Phone:<br />
Name of ( Husband/ Wife):<br />
Email:<br />
Contact Address:<br />
Names of children:<br />
PIN CODE:<br />
Permanent Address:<br />
PIN CODE:<br />
Church:<br />
Biblical Education done:<br />
Formal Education done (tick below):<br />
Below 10 th 10 th 10 +2 Bachelor’s<br />
Master’s Any other, specify<br />
Counselling Education done:<br />
Signature of the Applicant:<br />
For Office use:<br />
Work doing now:<br />
283
ACC (S. ASIA)<br />
ASSOCIATION OF CHRISTIAN COUNSELLORS<br />
‘A Catalyst for Excellence in Christian Care and Counsel’<br />
CODE OF ETHICS AND PRACTICE<br />
For COUNSELLORS and PASTORAL CARE MEMBERS<br />
With the statement of Faith of ACC (S.Asia) and Complaints Procedure<br />
The Code of Ethics and Practice is under review and minor amendments may be made during 200<strong>2.</strong> For<br />
brevity, the word ‘client’ is used throughout to indicate the person for whom care is being provided.<br />
<strong>1.</strong> STATEMENT OF FAITH OF THE ASSOCIATION<br />
The Association affirms the central truths of the Christian faith as expressed in the Bible and historic creeds.<br />
God is one and this unity is revealed to man as Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The ACC recognises this and<br />
specifically the Lordship of Christ and the authority of the Bible in all areas of belief and practice.<br />
The Association acknowledges that there are different emphases within the various Christian counselling<br />
traditions and recognises that some Christian approaches are more at ease than others in drawing on<br />
insights from secular theory and practice.<br />
<strong>2.</strong> ETHICAL BASIS FOR COUNSELLING AND PASTORAL CARE<br />
Care must be taken not to exploit clients; because of the vulnerable nature of clients special care is required<br />
and the client should be kept fully informed and given the opportunity at every stage for discussion.<br />
The integrity and confidentiality of the client must be maintained.<br />
The safety of the client must be safeguarded and all reasonable steps taken to encourage the client to seek<br />
appropriate medical, legal or other professional assistance.<br />
All Christian Counsellors and Pastoral Care Members should be integrated in the body of a local church<br />
community and receive appropriate support for their work. (Supervision for Counsellors and Pastoral Cover<br />
for Pastoral Care members).<br />
<strong>3.</strong> CODE OF PRACTICE FOR THE COUNSELLOR/PASTORAL CARE MEMBER/CLIENT<br />
RELATIONSHIP<br />
Members should take all reasonable steps to ensure that the client suffers neither physical nor psychological<br />
harm during encounters.<br />
Members are responsible for working in ways which promote the client’s control over his/her own life and<br />
respect the client’s ability to make decision and change in the light of his/her own beliefs and values.<br />
Members do not normally act on behalf of their clients. If they do, it will only be at the express request of the<br />
client.<br />
Members must not exploit their clients financially, sexually, emotionally, or in any other way. Members have<br />
responsibility to establish with the client what other therapeutic methods of helping relationships are<br />
available. Members should gain the client’s permission before conferring with other professional workers.<br />
Exceptional circumstances may arise which give the Member good grounds for believing that the client will<br />
cause serious physical harm to others or to him/herself. In such circumstances the client’s consent to break<br />
284
confidentiality should be sought whenever possible unless there are also good grounds for believing the<br />
client is no longer able to take responsibility for his/her own action. Whenever possible, the decision to break<br />
the confidentiality should be made only after consultation with the person overseeing the counselling and<br />
caring.<br />
Members need to be particularly aware that the client’s right to confidentiality is not breached in the context<br />
of prayer.<br />
Members should monitor actively the limitations of their own competence and involvement and work within<br />
their own know limits.<br />
Members should not work when their functioning is impaired due to personal or emotional difficulties, illness,<br />
disability, alcohol, drugs or for any other reason.<br />
It is an indication of the competence of the Member when they recognise their inability to help particular<br />
person and make appropriate referrals.<br />
Members have a responsibility to themselves and their clients to maintain their own effectiveness, resilience<br />
and ability to help clients by seeking help and advice from the person who provides their supervision or<br />
Pastoral Cover.<br />
Members should have received adequate basic training before commencing<br />
work and be willing to maintain ongoing training.<br />
Members should take reasonable steps to ensure their own physical safety.<br />
Members should not conduct themselves in their caring activities in ways which undermine public<br />
confidence either in their roles as a Member, or in t the work of other Members.<br />
If a Member suspects misconduct by another Member which cannot be resolved or remedied after<br />
discussion with the person concerned, they should implement the Complaints Procedure, doing so without<br />
breach of confidentiality other than that which is necessary for investigating the complaint.<br />
4. COMPLAINTS PROCEDURE<br />
The only complaints that can be dealt with by ACC are those concerning failure to comply with the Code of<br />
Ethics and Practice and the Statement of Faith.<br />
All complaints should be taken up with the ACC Member, in the first instance, both verbally and in writing.<br />
If there is no satisfactory conclusion then the complaint should be taken up, in with the chairperson of the<br />
Association,<br />
Samson Gandhi (Chair ACC (S. Asia)) Person to Person Institute for Christian Counseling<br />
“Sai Mithra Orneta”, 295, St No. 7, Rd. No. 3, Flat No. 401, West Marredpalli, Secunderabad – 500 026<br />
Andhra Pradesh / India hyd2_counsel@sancharnet.in<br />
285
Application for Accreditation for Graduates of an ACC-certified Institution Level 1<br />
If the institution in which you completed your training is certified with the ACC, you only need to<br />
complete the shortened procedure. Find information on the internet under www.accsouthasia.org<br />
In this case only fill in the form for Level 1 below and send it to us with your attachments!<br />
Family name:.........................................................................................................<br />
First name: ............................................................................................................<br />
Street / Postal code/ Location:...............................................................................<br />
..............................................................................................................................<br />
Tel. private: ...........................................................................................................<br />
Fax private: ...........................................................................................................<br />
Tel. business: ........................................................................................................<br />
E-mail:...................................................................................................................<br />
Internet:.................................................................................................................<br />
Date of birth:..........................................................................................................<br />
Counselling training where and when completed:..................................................<br />
..............................................................................................................................<br />
Counselling work since:.........................................................................................<br />
ACC supervisor during the last 2 years:<br />
Name: ........................................................................................................<br />
Number of hours/year: ...............................................................................<br />
With my signature I certify that I have taken note of the statutes and the ethical codex of the ACC and<br />
agree with them.<br />
Date/Signature: .....................................................................................................<br />
Desired form of membership:<br />
Single member<br />
Member in training<br />
Attachments<br />
Copy of the diploma/certificate<br />
Proof of supervision<br />
Case study<br />
286
Literature and Links<br />
Literature<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Pearls: Scriptures to live by, by Brian M. Campbell (Compiler), Paperback: 388 pages, New Horizons<br />
Press (July 2, 1994), English, ISBN-10: 0963673025, ISBN-13: 978-0963673022<br />
Competent Christian Counseling, Volume One: Foundations and Practice of Compassionate Soul<br />
Care, by Timothy Clinton (Editor), George Ohlschlager (Editor), 832 pages, WaterBrook Press; 1 edition<br />
(April 16, 2002), Language: English, ISBN-10: 1578565170, ISBN-13: 978-1578565177<br />
Christian Counseling: An Introduction, by H.Newton Malony David Augsburger, Abingdon<br />
Press,U.S., ISBN 13: 9780687332830, ISBN 10: 0687332834<br />
Genograms: Assessment and Intervention, by Randy Gerson Ph.D. (Author), Monica McGoldrick MA<br />
MSW Ph.D. (Author), Sueli Petry Ph.D. (Author), Paperback: 400 pages, W.W. Norton & Co.; Third<br />
Edition (February 17, 2008), English, ISBN-10: 0393705099, ISBN-13: 978-0393705096<br />
Family Constellation: Its Effects on Personality and Social Behavior, 4th Edition (Paperback), by<br />
Walter Toman PhD (Author), Paperback: 320 pages, Springer Publishing Company; 4 edition<br />
(November 15, 1992), English, ISBN-10: 0826104967, ISBN-13: 978-0826104960<br />
Seek the Face of God: Discovering the Power of Your Images of God, by Karl Frielingsdorf (Author),<br />
Paperback: 123 pages, Publisher: Ave Maria Press (March 2006), English, ISBN-10: 1594710376,<br />
ISBN-13: 978-1594710377<br />
Deep Wounds, Deep Healing: Discovering the Vital Link Between Spiritual Warfare and Inner<br />
Healing, by Charles H. Kraft (Author), Ellen Kearney (Author), Mark H. White (Author), Paperback: 295<br />
pages, Publisher: Vine Books (January 2004), English, ISBN-10: 0830734112, ISBN-13: 978-<br />
0830734115<br />
Links<br />
<br />
Basics of Christian Counselling<br />
www.orthodoxsermons.org/dmdocuments/PPT-BasicsOfChristianCounseling.ppt<br />
<br />
The Basics of Christian Counselling<br />
http://www.abbacanada.org/christiancounselling.html<br />
<br />
Counselling, mentoring, and helping others<br />
http://www.dougbrittonbooks.com/onlinebiblestudies-biblicalcounselingandmentoring.php<br />
<br />
How does psychology work with Biblical counselling?<br />
http://www.gotquestions.org/psychology-Biblical-counseling.html<br />
<br />
Faith and Therapy<br />
http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/xn-psych.html<br />
287
ADDRESS LIST OF LEVEL 3 CONSULTANTS AND COUNSELLORS BY ACC SWITZERLAND:<br />
<strong>1.</strong> THOMAS SAMUEL,<br />
AGAPE BHAWAN, DHYANSAR MORE, KARTHOLI VILLAGE, BARI BRAHMANA P.O, SAMBA<br />
DISTRICT, 18113<strong>3.</strong> JAMMU AND KASHMIR.<br />
01923220541 (OFFICE) 09419137589 (MOBILE) lanleeoa@gmail.com<br />
<strong>2.</strong> LEENA SAMUEL,<br />
AGAPE BHAWAN, DHYANSAR MORE, KARTHOLI VILLAGE, BARI BRAHMANA P.O, SAMBA<br />
DISTRICT, 18113<strong>3.</strong> JAMMU AND KASHMIR.<br />
01923220541 (OFFICE) 09419392221 (MOBILE) lanleeoa@gmail.com<br />
<strong>3.</strong> JOMON JOSEPH<br />
G 136 DETA 2, GREATER NOIDA, G B NAGAR, UTTAR PRADESH. PIN CODE 201306,<br />
09818860559 (MOBILE) jomonindia@yahoo.co.in<br />
4. JOHN DAVID<br />
257 NETAJI SUBASH APARTMENT, PKT 1 PHASE 2<br />
SECTOR 13, DWARAKA, NEW DELHI 78.<br />
09212263481 (MOBILE) john@anusaran.org<br />
5. ABHA DAVID<br />
257 NETAJI SUBASH APARTMENT, PKT 1 PHASE 2<br />
SECTOR 13, DWARAKA, NEW DELHI 78.<br />
09212263482 (MOBILE) abha@anusaran.org<br />
6. ANITHA SAMUEL<br />
F-58,GREENPARK(MAIN)<br />
NEW DELHI-110016<br />
09910961448(MOBILE) 011-41682788(RESIDENCE) ann23sam@yahoo.com<br />
7. PAUL RAJU S<br />
6790/1 A, 2 ND STREET, NEW HARGOBIND NAGAR, LUDHIANA. PIN CODE 141008<br />
09463885499 (MOBILE) paul_raju2004@yahoo.com<br />
8. BIJI PAUL<br />
6790/1 A, 2 ND STREET, NEW HARGOBIND NAGAR, LUDHIANA. PIN CODE 141008<br />
09463744211(MOBILE) bijipaul_86@yahoo.in<br />
9. GLADSON MATHEW (counsellor’s coordinator)<br />
OPERATION AGAPE, ASHIRWAD ASHRAM, KANGENGHERI ROAD, CHAWALA P.O,<br />
NEW DELHI 110071<br />
09911986466 (MOBILE) mathewgladson@gmail.com<br />
288