1. 2. 3. - Schori Beratungen

HANDBOOK 

OF 

BASIC CHRISTIAN 

COUNSELLING 

TRAINING 

LEVEL 1

Contents 

1. FOREWORD………………………………………………………………………………………………………. 2 

2. HISTORY…………………………………………………………………………………………………………… 3 

3. ETHICAL AND THEORETICAL BACKGROUND OF THE COUNSELLING TRAINING………………… 4 

4. FOR TEACHERS ON LEVEL 1…………………………………………………………………………………. 7 

5. FOR STUDENTS ON LEVEL 1………………………………………………………………………………….. 8 

6. STRUCTURE OF LEVEL 1………………………………………………………………………………………. 9 

7. ACCREDITATION…………………………………………………………………………………………………. 10 

8. UNIT 1 PURPOSE OF COUNSELLING ……………………………………………………………………….. 11 

9. UNITS 2- 4 TECHNIQUES OF HOW TO ASK AND TO LISTEN …………………………………………… 20 

10. UNITS 5 – 8 PERSONALITY STRUCTURE …………………………………………………………………… 49 

11. UNITS 9 – 11 NATURAL AND SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT……………………………………………….. 87 

12. UNITS 12 – 14 FAMILY CONSTELLATION AND GENORGRAM ………………………………………….. 119 

13. UNITS 15 – 16 COMFORTING IN TIMES OF SUFFERING …………………………………………………. 169 

14. UNITS 17 – 19 PRAYER COUNSELLING, FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION …………………... 185 

15. UNITS 20 – 22 FINALITY APPROACH OF BEHAVIOUR PROBLEMS …………………………………… 225 

16. UNIT 23 REPETITION, EVALUATION AND CERTIFICATION………………………………………………. 264 

17. KNOWLEDGE ASSESSMENT (UNITS 1 -22)………………………………………………………………….. 265 

APPENDIX 

18. ASSIGNMENTS DURING LEVEL 1 …………………………………………………………………………….. 270 

19. APPLICATION FORM FOR LEVEL 1…………………………………………………………………………… 283 

20. ETHICAL GUIDELINES OF ACC SOUTH ASIA……………………………………………………………….. 284 

21. APPLICATION FORM FOR ACCREDITATION (ACC SOUTH ASIA)……………………………………… 286 

22. LITERATURE AND LINKS………………………………………………………………………………………...287 

23. ADDRESS LIST OF COUNSELLORS AND CONSULTANTS BY ACC SWITZERLAND…………………288 

1

Foreword 

I am glad that this excellent handbook for training Christian leaders in counselling 

ministry has been prepared and is being published in India . I believe that this will be a 

wonderful resource for the whole body of Christ in India in preparing several thousands of 

leaders in this nation in the art and principles of counselling. This is a much needed 

resource for meeting the needs of men and women who are looking for guidance to help 

the millions of people with various kinds of difficulties and challenges in their personal and 

family lives. 

We were fortunate to have Kingdom Ministries from Switzerland help us for the past 

several years in equipping Christian leaders in India to handle this very important and 

complex subject of counselling in a very mature and Biblical perspective. We also 

appreciate their labour of love and hard work in helping us to prepare this handbook for the 

ongoing training of Christian counsellors. We believe that this will be a catalyst in 

transforming the lives of people from various languages, tribes, and regions who need 

Christ’s love, compassion and forgiveness. 

We know and learn from history that, God loves to do great and marvellous things through 

weak and imperfect people like Moses, Joshua, Peter and Paul. Ephesians 3: 20 (MSG) 

says, “God can do anything and every thing more than what you can think or imagine, 

beyond your wildest dream”. 

From my experience as a practicing neurologist, I have realized that the need for effective 

and Biblical counselling is so huge all around us. People are desperately looking for some 

one who could help them in their personal and family life not only in India but all around the 

world. 

I notice that special attention has been given in this book for practical exercises for learning 

and applying counselling skills. May the Holy Spirit guide you at every step as you start 

learning, practicing and training these principles in your ministry. 

This handbook is dedicated to all those in need of comfort and encouragement in their 

spiritual and emotional lives. Let this work of counselling ministry be to the Father's glory 

and blessing of His people leading to transformed lives, families and communities. 

Dr Alex Abraham 

New Delhi 

1 February 2010 

2

History 

As there was and is an incredible growth of Christian communities in the north of India since the 

nineties, some responsible persons from Operation Agape detected apart from evangelism and 

fellowship training the need of counselling as one of the five elements of healthy churches. 

As they stood in contact with a Swiss mission organisation (Kingdom Ministry, 

www.kingdomministries.ch), they started together a training for counsellors in different levels. In the 

years 2000 until 2010 they developed a curriculum that included, one part the knowledge of counselling 

and consulting of the Swiss experts and at the other side the way of believing and living in India – an 

accurate long-term process of assimilation. We are thankful for this cross-cultural exchange – guided 

by the spirit of Christ. 

The result of this co-working is a three level training program for counsellors and consultants. They 

support their churches and movements to help get mature Christians, non believers and people from 

other religions who are searching for advice. 

This handbook is for the Level I training for basic counsellors. 

George Jörg Schori 

BTh, Various degrees in Counselling and marriage 

Counselling, Consultant and Counsellor, 

ACC President Switzerland, Kingdom Ministries 

Email: joerg.schori@bluewin.ch 

Charles Karl Flückiger 

MTh, MSc and various degrees in Counselling, 

Consulting and Systemic Therapy, Reformed Church Pastor, 

Leader of ACC-Supervision – Training 

Email: karl.flueckiger@hispeed.ch 

For downloading resources: 

www.schori-beratungen.ch 

www.agapeinstitute.in/counselling 

NB: copy right © This material can only be used for educational purposes. You are not allowed to sell 

copies and to make financial profit. 

3

Ethical and Theoretical Background of the Counselling Training 

Our teaching and training is based on 5 principles of counselling 

Relate and respond to people 

and God 

Welcome disturbance 

Find the difference 

Increase my own awareness 

before entering a personal 

process 

Being servants for development, 

not rulers 

As Christian counsellors we are bound in a contract 

of searching truth and grace 

The human personality grows and matures by 

crises 

Systemic thinking takes care for each side, each 

part, each view 

Counselling, parenting of children and training of 

students depend on my own behaviour 

I am able to clarify my various roles as coach, 

pastor, counsellor, leader, preacher, consultant, 

friend, mother, mate... 

Three meta-models form the basis on which our decisions and actions are reflected: 

Christian faith, systemic thinking and interdisciplinary cooperation. 

Christian faith 

Christian faith is based on the memories and experiences of Christ crucified and resurrected, as it is 

written in the New Testament and handed down to us. In different Christian traditions and communities 

these texts are interpreted again and again through serious Bible study and with the help of meditation 

and prayer. 

Biblical texts give examples for living together and orientation in emergency situations, so they update 

and vitalize individual and community faith. Both are reflected through theological considerations. 

Counselling in this context is aware of different views – counsellors have different field experiences, 

e.g. in social services of the church and church movements. Counselling helps to detect hidden motives 

(which sometimes are sin). More often, however, the counsellor and those seeking advice will detect 

resources in the client’s biography and God’s gifts to him in the past, present and future. Counsellors 

actively try to create an encouraging and empowering relationship with those seeking advice, because 

good relations is of fundamental importance in this ministry – and is a mirror of the way, God is related 

to men. 

4

Systemic thinking 

The purpose of systemic thinking is to activate learning and to intervene with numerous methods. This 

thinking assumes that a system (team, kinship, company, institution, movement, or even an individual) 

regulates itself, because it wants to survive. Systems stand in relationship with the external world but 

design their own answers, action patterns and truths (self-referential, autopoietic). These answers (and 

not any kind of instructions) change patterns of interpretation and behaviour. Learning steps happen 

when previous patterns and conceptions are being questioned and disturbed. Then, new ways of 

interpreting the past help to see the reality from different perspectives and to imagine a future with new 

and more helpful patterns. 

That calls for a learning design that acts to a large degree without instructions (oral or written) 

and gives room for experience and reflection. 

A systemic aspect directs its attention more strongly towards the relations between the things 

and elements and towards the pattern, rather than to the things and their characteristics 

themselves. 

In conflicts it is more useful to focus on the interpersonal system, the interaction between the 

conflict partners and to ask how these mechanisms can be modified by mutual effort. 

Usually, it is therefore not helpful to look for the cause (and possibly blame people for 

something) of a conflict, be it in the personality structure or the “character” of a group or a 

person. 

Interdisciplinary cooperation 

Interdisciplinary cooperation is essential because a nurse, a social education worker and a Christian 

counsellor have different professional experiences, professional criteria and working methods which 

complement each other but also have the potential to contradict each other. 

Almost all clients have at the same time contact with different professionals. There is a danger that 

counsellors only work within their own circles, without asking for overall interests. Interdisciplinary 

cooperation does not mean that all do a little from everything. Counselling is in the suited role to help 

individuals (or a team) to find solutions adapted to the client and to develop a common language 

despite different vocations. 

Using these three meta models to build up a platform for counselling, we are inspired by the “Integrative 

Therapy”. INTEGRATIVE THERAPY is a modern holistic and difference-making approach. There is a 

general framework based on research and reflection. Within this framework special emphasis is put on 

non-verbal communication, creative methods, techniques and media. 

The goal is to initiate healing and development processes in psychological, psychosomatic and 

psychosocial illnesses and to ease mental suffering as well as to see disease symptoms disappear. 

The reorganisation of the thinking, experiencing and behaviour of the client is sought through 

therapeutic contact and relationship using neuroscientific knowledge while treating current life 

problems, social network situations as well as unconscious conflicts. 

INTEGRATIVE THERAPY and supervision was developed by HILARION Gottfried PETZOLD (* 25. 

March 1944, Kirchen/Sieg). Study of philosophy, russian orthodox theology, psychology, educational 

theory, medicine in Paris (Dr. theol. 1968, Dr. phil. 1971), Duesseldorf and Frankfurt (Dr.phil. 1979). He 

is considered to be one of the leading figures of modern psychotherapy. 

5

Didactics of the study structure Students learn systemic thinking rather by reflecting experiences 

than through lectures. All training aims are theoretically based. Therefore it is useful to read texts on the 

main topics before or after courses. Even more important are, however, instructions and 

demonstrations. Every course topic needs practical exercises and evaluation. Students learn to think 

for themselves and work on their own (there is no other way of learning). Therefore we promote 

learning-groups and the keeping of a learning diary to support the learning process. We show different 

methods for the counselling process. Interventions are shown, practised and evaluated. Different 

trainers – also from outside the faculty – motivate to develop one’s own and original model of 

counselling. We often use live-demonstrations and on video recorded counselling-sessions because 

counselling research has pointed out that these are among the most effective learning methods. 

6

For Teachers on Level 1 

1. Training level 1 is done using time structure in three parts namely; roughly one fourth of the time is 

for theory, one fourth is for demonstration and two fourth is for group work. For example, in one 

hour, 15 minutes each for theory and demonstration, 30 minutes for group work. 

2. Attention to students is given for “learning through doing” all through out training sessions. 

3. The smallest unit of learning is in a group which consists of three members most often, one 

member will be the counsellor, second member will be the counselee and third member will be the 

observer. 

4. All members will learn quite a lot taking the role of being counsellor, counselee and observer. 

5. In sharing of things in groups always take real life incidents and not any concocted stories. 

6. In a batch of level 1 course if there are above 17 members, then the batch is divided into groups of 

9 members. 

7. In the group of 9 members there will be one trained leader. 

8. In each group of 9 members there will be three groups and in each small group will have 3 

members each. 

9. Group work and group discussion will be conducted in groups of 9 members after plenary session 

of the class. 

10. Group work assignments are promoted in groups of 3 members of 9 member big groups. 

11. Once the work in groups of 3 members is over it will be often reported in the group of 9 members. 

12. The leader of group of 9 members is free of any fix role. He can take the role of observer or help 

other members as and when needed. 

13. Teachers could encourage all the students to start doing individual reading and counselling 

assignments (given under appendix) from the unit 1 onwards till the unit 23. At the end of the level 1 

training, for students knowledge assessment (given under appendix) in writing can be done. 

7

For Students on Level 1 

1. All students are encouraged to do this counselling program with full mind and heart along with the 

guidance and grace of the Lord. 

2. It is appreciative and advisable for you to make sure that each learner feels free to commit 

mistakes or blunders while going through this learning process. 

3. This learning program is designed in the methodology of “learning through doing”. 

4. Your genuine participation and full attendance (or at least 90 percent of attendance) is required and 

valuable for learners individually and for one another as well. 

5. In unavoidable situation due to health reason one can take leave with the consent of the program 

leader for the common good and efficiency of the program. 

6. To reach the program goals, level 1 training can not be shorter than 6 months and not longer than 

12 months. 

7. At the end of a counselling training, the formation teachers will give each trainee a good 

qualification if the requirements of the training program are met by the trainees. 

8. For level one, certificate trainees have to do all the counselling and reading assignments (given 

under appendix) of the course. 

9. Qualification components: 

• The wishes and goals of the person 

• The impressions of the teaching team in groups. 

• The reliability in being present during the lectures 

• The quality of the written homework they have to hand in from unit to unit 

• Feedback of field leaders 

• In case of doubt: feedback of the peer group. 

10. You are ready to start a worthy training, in which you will change a lot of former unhealthy 

behaviour-patterns. 

11. The training will give you new knowledge, but more: you will practise to apply this knowledge – so 

at the end of each training week, you will go home with a new ability for counselling, being 

motivated to practise it also at home. 

12. We hope and pray that you, the body of Christ will get stronger, with a better balance between 

talking and doing, and trained to impart health and freedom to men and women as a servant of 

Christ. 

8

Structure of Level 1 

Introduction and basics of counselling 

The teaching material is split in twenty three units of 4 hours of each unit. The level 1 training can be 

structured in units of half days, weekends and weeks according the local situation. E.g. two times four 

or five days (one week) each day 9 hrs (if people have to travel a lot to the training centre) or 23 half 

day units with 4hrs (for pastors training, Bible schools) – or every good mixture of this two proposals. 

To reach the goals, level 1 training can not be shorter than 6 months and not longer than 12 months. 

Curriculum done in the Training Theory Practice 

under 

Supervisi 

on 

Hours 

4hour- 

Units 

Purpose of counselling 3 + 1 = 4 =1 

Techniques how to ask and to listen 5 + 7 =12 =3 

Natural and spiritual development 5 + 7 =12 =3 

Personality structure 7 + 9 =16 =4 

Finality approach of behaviour problems 5 + 7 =12 =3 

Prayer counselling, forgiveness and 

7 + 9 =16 =4 

reconciliation part 1 

Family constellation and Genogram 5 + 7 =12 =3 

Comforting in times of suffering 3 + 5 = 8 =2 

Sum Training 40 + 52 =92hrs =23= 92hrs 

Homework done 

Reading and Writing 

10hrs 

Counselling with supervised report 

50hrs 

Sum Homework 

60hrs 

Total Sum 

152hrs 

9

Accreditation 

ACC SOUTH ASIA 

All those who are certified level 1 counsellors can get accreditation by ACC South Asia. 

The application form for the accreditation is given in the appendix. The form for filling counselling 

sessions up is also given along with the application for accreditation. 

Address: 

Acc South Asia 

295, Sai Mitra Orneta, flat no. 401 

St no 7, Rd no 3, west Marredpalli, 

Secunderabad – 500 026 

040- 27716941, 64628072 

accsouthasia@rediffmail.com 

BILD International University 

Students of B Min program of BILD International University can choose Level 1 Basic Christian 

Counselling training program as one of their electives. Those who successfully complete the 

counselling program can get 3 credits for their B Min program. 

Address: 

Agape Institute of Leadership Development 

Ashirwad Ashram, Kangengheri Road, Chawala, 

New Delhi 110071. 

011-65394940, 011-25319052 

aildindia@gmail.com 

www.agapeinstitute.in 

10

UNIT 1 PURPOSE OF COUNSELLING 

LEVEL 1: UNIT 1 PURPOSE OF COUNSELLING 

UNIT 1 

ICE-BREAKING AND 

SESSION 1 

60 MINUTES 

GOAL SETTING Part 1 

BREAK 

SESSION 2 

BREAK 

SESSION 3 

BREAK 

SESSION 4 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

60 MINUTES 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

60 MINUTES 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

60 MINUTES 


WHAT IS 

COUNSELLING? 

ITS IMPORTANCE, 

COUNSELLOR AND 

COUNSELEE Part 1 


WHAT IS 

COUNSELLING? 

ITS IMPORTANCE, 

COUNSELLOR AND 

COUNSELEE Part 2 


WORTH AND DIGNITY 

OF COUNSELEE 

11

LEVEL 1 UNIT 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING 

SESSION1 

60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

ICE BREAKING AND GOAL SETTING 

GOAL (MATTER WE NEVER MISS TO TEACH AND LEARN): 

1. To get familiar with each other. 

2. To become friendly with one another for building a conducive atmosphere 

for having a counselling course. 

3. To get the clarity of goals which you achieve during the course. 

4. To know trainees expectations and desires with each other. 

METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN): 

1. Teaching while students can have work sheet regarding active listening 25 Minutes 

2. All could share their saving testimony in brief in the group of 3 members. 

They can answer these questions. 1. How was my life before receiving 

Christ? 

2. How is my life after receiving Christ? 3. What changes do I want now in 

my life? 

25Minutes 

3. Plenary session for collating ideas. 10Minutes 

TEACHING: ICE BREAKING AND GOAL SETTING 

All those who are welcome to do this course in counselling both in the forms of getting and giving. 

As I am here to attend this counselling course surely an overview about this counselling course would 

help me to have a good understanding regarding the course. This is a course designed to give you very 

helpful hints for your personal transformation and you would become a helpful instrument for the 

transformation of many others too. It is designed in a participatory method in which you have quite a lot 

of involvement. 

In a learning classroom set up of counselling especially in the participatory way, some might have early 

exposure but many might not have early experience in this style. Here learning is achieved through 

active and genuine contribution from your side all the time. Growth is a process but your consensus 

time to time is expected reasonably well. 

It would really be a time for all of you to get connected deeply with your ease, pressures, interests, 

dislikes, challenges, dreams, visions so on and so forth and with your life in general. Getting along with 

various kinds of people with different moves is also very much underlying in the strategies of this 

course. 

It enhances various streams of information, which correlates and corresponds with the truth in our life. It 

embraces an integrated approach to the person with systemic thinking and interdisciplinary 

cooperation. 

Of course, its prominence is always designed from the perceptive of the Bible. Any man in the world 

12

struggles with the four areas of evil, justice, love and forgiveness of life and which we find those four 

areas of life converged uniquely in one event of history i.e. the cross of Jesus Christ. 

1. All are very precious in this meeting. 

2. You all can do well in this program. 

3. May God bless you abundantly! 

4. All will get enough participation in the program. 

5. This learning is through participatory method. 

6. How much you invest that much you receive. 

7. Each individual is a very important person for oneself and for others. Learn things as 

individuals and as group. 

8. You are free to make mistakes and learn from it. 

9. Free to think in your creative way and be open to listen to others ideas too; in addition to 

this get along with others effectively. 

10. God has something to say to you through this course and each session and please pay 

attention to it. 

In Mathew 11: 28 – 30 Jesus says, 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you 

and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my 

yoke is easy and my burden is light." 

13

LEVEL 1 UNIT 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2 

60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

WHAT IS COUNSELLING? ITS IMPORTANCE, 

COUNSELLOR AND COUNSELEE 1 


1. Learn to know what happens in counselling 

2. Identify the ability of counselling skills within one. 

3. Realise the need of getting counselling with in us 


1. Teaching 30 Minutes 

2. All could share each one’s life incident or experience in groups of 3 members. 

They can also answer these questions. 1. What do you think about 

counselling? What is the relevance of counselling in your life? Each one 

takes 10 Minutes each. 

30 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

1. Jesus comes to us as a counsellor. (Isaiah 61:1) (Luke 4:18) “The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is 

on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to 

bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the 

prisoners”. Jesus goes to individuals. Individuals come to Jesus. 

2. Counsellor listens to counselee in counselling. Being in counselling makes a counsellor learn 

counselling better. 

3. Mere listening ear itself binds up wounds (sin, persecution, failure, and misunderstanding). It is 

done in the setting of trust with in the frame of confidentiality. 

4. It is a healing process. Walk along side with counselee for a long term fruit. Strength comes from 

within oneself. Father God is within us and with us. 

5. People without gospel need Jesus. People with gospel need to go deeper into the character of 

Jesus. 

6. Giving comfort and care through counselling. For example, mother cares for her child when it cries. 

Child is not going for reading and hearing sermon for getting comfort. Shepherding skills (pastors, 

teachers, leaders) need counselling as mother does to child. Mostly personal help by one person in 

one on one session is given in counselling sessions. 

7. Walking along side with someone for a while and sometimes for a certain period. 

8. Every individual is important to get help for him to come out of his prison. 

9. Col 1: 28 “we proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may 

present everyone perfect in Christ”. 

10. Acts 20:31. Paul served with tears everyone. It encourages repentance, which always leads to life. 

Lord has something to speak to you in every counselling session you go through. 

14

2 Corinthians 1: 3 - 5 

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all 

comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the 

comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our 

lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 

15


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

WHAT IS COUNSELLING? ITS IMPORTANCE, 

COUNSELLOR AND COUNSELEE 1 


1. Learn to know counselling through practise. 

2. Identify the ability of counselling skills within one. 

3. Realise the need of getting counselling with in us 


1. All could share each one happy or sad incident or experience in groups of 

3 members. They can also answer these questions. 1. What do you think 

that what is the most important element in counselling? What is the role 

of counsellor in counselling? 

Each one takes 15 Minutes each. 

45 Minutes 

2. Plenary session for collating ideas. 15 Minutes 

16


TOPIC: WORTH AND DIGNITY OF COUNSELEE 


1. Learn to value human life (counselee) sitting before you. 

2. Learn to look at man and woman with God’s sight. 

60 Minutes 



2. Trainer can share a real incident in front of all. 05 Minutes. 

3. Trainer can highlight an experience, which shows the worth of counselee. 05 Minutes 

4. Sit in two and share one real incident: a situation I felt really respected and 

honoured and a situation, I felt dishonoured. While sharing no interruption 

could be done rather listen patiently and attentively. Both take in turn. 

Each one spends 10 Minutes to share. While sharing, no speaking out of 

imagination but speak about a real incident. 

20 Minutes 

5. Plenary session for collating ideas. At the end of this session students can 

be introduced to the assignments and its various forms given in the appendix 

of the handbook so that they could start doing from the unit 1 onwards 

till the last unit of level 1 training. 

10 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

1. Look at the counselee not from the sight of man but from God. 

2. Talk and deal with him with respect, honour, and kindness. 

3. (Gen 1:26 - 27) Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule 

over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the 

creatures that move along the ground.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God 

he created him; male and female he created them”. 

4. He is crowned with glory and honour (Psalm 8:5). God puts man in a glorious position. 

5. He is a unique and skilled handiwork. God knit together man (psalms 139:13-16) 

6. He is a precious stone, a piece of jewellery(Zech 9:16-17) 

7. You will be a crown of splendour in the LORD's hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. (Is 

62:3). Even when he is not yet cut or polished. 

8. He is a treasure chest (2Cor 4: 6-7) 

9. Jesus says: Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet 

your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? (Mt 6:26) Who of 

you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See 

how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labour or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all 

his splendour was dressed like one of these. (Mt 6:27-29) 

In fact, Jesus puts the one who trusts in him greater than Solomon with his entire splendour. 

Solomon's reign was not only a period of great material prosperity, but was equally remarkable for 

its intellectual activity. His maintenance of his household involved immense expenditure. The 

provision required for one day was “thirty measures of fine flour, and threescore measures of meal, 

ten fat oxen, and twenty oxen out of the pastures, and an hundred sheep, beside harts, and 

roebucks, and fallow-deer, and fatted fowl” (1Ki_4:22 -23). He was the leader of his people also in 

this uprising amongst them of new intellectual life. “He spoke three thousand proverbs: 

17

and his songs were a thousand and five. And he spoke of trees, from the cedar tree that is in 

Lebanon even unto the hyssop that springs out of the wall: he spoke also of beasts, and of fowl, 

and of creeping things, and of fishes” (1Ki_4:32-33). 

10. The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is 

rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. (James 1: 9- 

10). 

Rev 5: 9-10, 

And they sang a new song: "You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you 

were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and 

people and nation. You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they 

will reign on the earth." Our value is immeasurable as with the blood of Jesus Christ we are 

purchased with the same. 

18

LEVEL 1 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING 

READING ASSESSMENT: 

UNIT 1: PURPOSE OF COUNSELLING 

Summary of the unit in your words: 

Write and list out the main ideas you find through out the reading materials of this particular unit. 

1. 



4. 

Description of the Central idea in the unit: 

Identify the most important idea(s) of the unit 

Flow chart of the unit: 

You can visualize and draw the main ideas in a diagrammatic manner as they appear to your mind. 

My view of counselling and life advancement on the unit: 

Reflect through your own counselling and life advancement. What new challenges would you welcome 

to improve your life and counselling? 

19

UNITS 2 - 4: TECHNIQUES OF HOW TO ASK AND TO LISTEN 

LEVEL 1: UNITS 2- 4 TECHNIQUES OF HOW TO ASK AND TO LISTEN 

UNIT 2 UNIT 3 UNIT 4 

LISTENING AND 

OBSERVER AND 

QUESTION 1 

LISTENING AND 

OBSERVER AND 

QUESTION 2 

LISTENING AND 

OBSERVER AND 

QUESTION 3 

SESSION 1 

60 MINUTES 

ACTIVE LISTENING 

(JAMES MODEL) 

HOW TO ASK 

ABOUT PROBLEM 2 

4 ASPECTS OF 

VIEWING 

PROBLEM 1 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 2 

60 MINUTES 

NON VERBAL 

COMMUNICATION: 

BODY LANGUAGE, 

VOICE, TONE, EYE 

CONTACT 

FACTS, 

FEELINGS AND 

INTENTIONS 1 

4 ASPECTS OF 

VIEWING 

PROBLEM 2 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 3 

60 MINUTES 

FEEDBACK AND 

OBSERVATION 

FACTS, 

FEELINGS AND 

INTENTIONS 2 

THE DIFFERENT 

PARTS OF A 

COUNSELLING 

SESSION: PART 1 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 4 

60 MINUTES 

HOW TO ASK 


ROLE OF 

COUNSELLOR 

THE DIFFERENT 

PARTS OF A 

COUNSELLING 


20

UNIT 2: LISTENING AND OBSERVER AND QUESTION 1 



LISTENING AND 

OBSERVER AND 

QUESTION 1 

LISTENING AND 

OBSERVER AND 

QUESTION 2 

LISTENING AND 

OBSERVER AND 

QUESTION 3 

SESSION 1 

60 MINUTES 


(JAMES MODEL) 

HOW TO ASK 


4 ASPECTS OF 

VIEWING 

PROBLEM 1 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 2 

60 MINUTES 

NON VERBAL 




CONTACT 

FACTS, 

FEELINGS AND 

INTENTIONS 1 

4 ASPECTS OF 

VIEWING 

PROBLEM 2 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 3 

60 MINUTES 

FEEDBACK AND 

OBSERVATION 

FACTS, 

FEELINGS AND 

INTENTIONS 2 

THE DIFFERENT 

PARTS OF A 

COUNSELLING 


BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 4 

60 MINUTES 

HOW TO ASK 


ROLE OF 

COUNSELLOR 

THE DIFFERENT 

PARTS OF A 

COUNSELLING 


21


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

ACTIVE LISTENING (JAMES MODEL) 


1. To know the art of communication through being quick to listen, being slow to 

speak and being slow to be angry. 


1 Teaching while students can have work sheet regarding active listening 30 Minutes 

2 Discussing the teaching in groups of three. All express their views 

and ideas 

20 Minutes 

3 Plenary session for collating ideas. 10 Minutes 

TEACHING 

1. Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does 

not bring about the righteous life that God desires. (James 1:19 -20) Be slow to speak (You can 

keep with you the work sheet of active listening while you listen to class. You are free to fill up in the 

side columns what makes you relevant and motivated by the topic matters.) 

2. Listen patiently and empathetically without prejudice. 

3. Be slow to speak (James 1:19) A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of 

fools blurts out folly ( Proverb 12:23 ) 

4. Active listening is more important than speaking. Job 21:1-3 Then Job replied: "Listen carefully to 

my words; let this be the consolation you give me. Bear with me while I speak, and after I have 

spoken, mock on. 

5. Be slow to become angry (James 1:19) 

6. Extremely patient before getting or expressing anger. 

7. To break a relationship needs no time but to build up one we know. 

8. Listening, speaking, feeling, thinking, and anger are very much interconnected. 

9. Proverb18:13 He who answers before listening-- that is his folly and his shame. Proverb 29:20 Do 

you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him. Proverb 29: 22 An 

angry man stirs up dissension and a hot-tempered one commits many sins. 

10. Things to remember in active listening; 

1. You learn to repeat in your own words in a short way, what you heard. 

2. When you speak you use; I heard that…, If I understand, Is it right that…You 

say that… 

3. Don’t interpret but confirm your summary before she or he moves on telling. 

4. You learn to listen carefully, hear the main points, separate what you think and feel, 

Concentrate on one topic. 

22

ACTIVE LISTENING (JAMES MODEL) WORK SHEET 

EXPOSTION TO JAMES 1:19 BE QUICK TO LISTEN, BE SLOW TO SPEAK, BE SLOW TO BECOME 

ANGRY. 

WHAT DOES THE FOLLOWING SPECIFICALLY MEAN TO ME? 

BE QUICK TO LISTEN 

Do not wait to listen. 

The first thing to do. 

Firm decision: I want now to listen 

carefully! 

BE SLOW TO SPEAK 

Wait ( Prov 18:13, Prov 29:20, Job 21:1- 

3) 

Keep your own ideas inside your heart 

(Prov 12:23) 

Take enough time. 

BE SLOW TO BECOME ANGRY 

Stay patient and mild (Prov 29:22) 

Take your anger to the cross. 

What happens if we become angry 

soon? 

WHY SHOULD WE DO THAT? (SINCE WE DO JAMES 1:19 WHAT HAPPENS IN COUNSELEE?) 

The counselee feels loved 

He will take courage to be open and 

honest 

We can check out the problem more 

precisely. 

Our loving listening is a vessel for the 

Holy Spirit. GOD LOVES PEOPLE WHO 

LISTEN AND HONOR THEM. 

23


TOPIC: NON VERBAL COMMUNICATION: BODY LANGUAGE, 

VOICE, TONE, EYE CONTACT 


1. To identify and recognise non-verbal communication. 

2. To learn to notice the movement of body 

3. To take note the seeing, hearing and doing in counselling. 

60 Minutes 

METHOD (THE WAY WE TEACH AND LEARN) : 

1. Teaching while students can have work sheet regarding active listening 30 Minutes 

2. Discussing the teaching in groups of three. All express their views and 

ideas 

20 Minutes 


TEACHING: 

1. We identify verbal communication from words. However, we identify non-verbal action from 

gestures, look, and facial expression, silence and sigh, cry so on and so forth. John 1:41-42; Jesus 

looked at him and said: You are Simon son of John. You will be called Cephas. 

2. Mark 10: 17-21. Jesus and rich man. Jesus looked at him and loved him. Mark 12: 41 – 44 Jesus 

sees widow’s offerings. He concentrated, had deep look with full attention in the big gathering. 

Jesus sees what others are usually not observing. 

3. Feelings and thoughts are very much reflected in ones body language; sitting posture, eye contact, 

hands, leaning front or back, Low pitch or high pitch, speed of speech, time of silence, sighing 

while speaking ; all are giving some significant indications or not. 

4. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the 

LORD looks at the heart." 

5. Try to understand the whole person, not merely the outward appearance alone. Notice voice, eyes, 

face-expression, movement, spirit, and attitude. Use the outer and inner ears and eyes. 

6. For example, one of your workers says; “I have committed adultery.” What will you do? Put him out 

of the ministry immediately? May be in his eyes you see deep sadness and desperation. In the 

posture of his body, you see depression; he is bowed down with grief. In his spirit, you sense true 

repentance and a very sincere heart. Give forgiveness, comfort him, and then speak about special 

consequence. 

7. Gen 4: 4-6 LORD said to Cain, "Why angry? Why downcast? 

8. How fingers keep rest while communications do? Notice the pause and breaks in speaking. When 

eye contact goes up and down, when the counselee gets distracted. God has something to say to 

you through this and listen to it. 

24


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

FEEDBACK AND OBSERVATION 


1. To learn to have effective observation and giving fruitful feedback. 

2. To use non verbal communication form by the observer in the practical session. 


1. Teaching while students can have work sheet regarding active listening. 20 Minutes 

2. A demonstration is for giving feedback. One counsellor, one counselee 

and one observer who can be a trainer. Counselee can share an exciting 

thing happened in his life. Counselling is for 10 Minutes and feedback is 

for 10 Minutes. We go for two rounds. 

40 Minutes 

TEACHING 

1. You observe the body language, nonverbal actions; seeing, hearing and body movements. 

2. In giving feedback constructively and positively we can pass comments and suggestions. 

3. While giving feedback; the observer can use the words indicating what you saw and heard. 

4. Observations you like to share should be short, clear and to the point. It should be restricted to a 

part of the interview. We avoid assumptions, interpretations, and discussions about the content. 

5. Not any sort of interpretation. So he can use; I have seen that…, I have remarked that … in 

difference to, I felt in the way of,…. 

6. I get the impression of… Always use the words of building. Never use the words of condemnation 

and insulting. 

7. Talk about your feeling in one part of the feedback interview. 

8. Communicate in what respect you would have acted differently. 

9. Feedback is not an analysis, not a diagnosis, not a description of a whole process, not a forecast. 

10. It is for you to how to describe a single, a small situation, distinguish between what the partner says 

and what you think and feel. Use feedback as a mirror, it is honest and clear but it is not 

condemning. God has something to say to you through this and listen to it. 

25

CHECK LIST OF NON VERBAL ACTIONS FOR OBSERVER (WORK SHEET) 

WHAT YOU SAW? 

WHEN IS IT DONE? 

EYES 

MOUTH 

FACIAL EXPRESSIONS 

HEAD 

SHOULDERS AND NECK 

ARMS AND HANDS 

LEGS AND FEET 

BODY 

BREATH 

VOICE 

ANY ACTION SPECIAL 

26


TOPIC: HOW TO ASK ABOUT PROBLEM 1 


1. To know how to ask about problem in a counselling setting. 

60 Minutes 



2. Have a demonstration after the teaching with a student as counselee 

and trainer as counsellor. 

20 Minutes 


TEACHING: HOW TO ASK ABOUT PROBLEM 

The first sentences of the counselee concerning the problem are the most important. There you find 

often in hidden form the whole content of the problem! 

You need to understand the problem in a proper manner. If you do, you can do a proper contracting. If 

the problem is unclear, the contracting is also unclear. 

Work on the problem of the counselee and do not stick to your own ideas. Be focused on the problem. 

Ask specific questions and don’t allow the counselee just to tell stories: 

Use the following questions to ask for the problem: 

In the following form WHAT, WHO, WHEN, WHERE, HOW, WHY questions are important to explore about 

the problem. 

 

 

 

 

 

That is the problem and who has it? (be aware of role conflicts) 

Short description of the problem (is it the problem of the counselee itself or does he speak 

about the problems of others? 

Who is involved? 

When does the problem show up? 

When did it take place first time? 

Is it increasing or decreasing? 

In which area does the problem occur? 

Friendship/Fellowship 

Family 

School, Work 

Faith, Church 

How does the problem manifest especially? 

Let him/her tell an example 

If you work with couples let them both tell the problem (private logic) 

What could be the motives or the intentions behind the behaviour? 

How do the people react? 

Did the problem also work in the family? 

27

Ask yourself: What kind of intention could cause the problem? 

Ask back: Did I understand the problem clearly (give a short summary of the problem)? 

Define the task/contract very clearly with the counselee 

What do you expect of me? 

Ask yourself: Am I capable to handle the problem? 

Always focus on the problem and the solution. Go for it and avoid superficial talk. 

28




LISTENING AND 

OBSERVER AND 

QUESTION 1 

LISTENING AND 

OBSERVER AND 

QUESTION 2 

LISTENING AND 

OBSERVER AND 

QUESTION 3 

SESSION 1 

60 MINUTES 


(JAMES MODEL) 

HOW TO ASK 


4 ASPECTS OF 

VIEWING 

PROBLEM 1 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 2 

60 MINUTES 

NON VERBAL 




CONTACT 

FACTS, 

FEELINGS AND 

INTENTIONS 1 

4 ASPECTS OF 

VIEWING 

PROBLEM 2 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 3 

60 MINUTES 

FEEDBACK AND 

OBSERVATION 

FACTS, 

FEELINGS AND 

INTENTIONS 2 

THE DIFFERENT 

PARTS OF A 

COUNSELLING 


BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 4 

60 MINUTES 

HOW TO ASK 


ROLE OF 

COUNSELLOR 

THE DIFFERENT 

PARTS OF A 

COUNSELLING 


29


TOPIC: HOW TO ASK ABOUT PROBLEM 2 


1. To practise to know how to ask about problem in a counselling setting. 

60 Minutes 


1. All can form a group of three members; one is counsellor, second is 

counselee and third is observer. 

• Any problem can be taken for counsellor. 

• Counsellor can concentrate on the types of questions learned in the 

previous session to explore about the problem. 

• Each counselling session is for 15 Minutes 

• After each counselling session observer takes 5 Minutes for giving 

observation 

• Observer can use the non verbal communication work sheet 

• Each one can take turns. 

60 Minutes 

30


TOPIC: FACTS, FEELINGS AND INTENTIONS1 


1. To know how to have communication in three levels namely fact, 

feeling and intention. 

2. To know the difference between fact, feeling and intention. 

60 Minutes 



2. Have a demonstration about the fact, feeling and intention after the 

teaching with a student as counselee and trainer as counsellor. 

15 Minutes 


TEACHING: FACTS, FEELINGS AND INTENTIONS 1 

Facts: 

1. In any talk we do there are three levels of communication namely fact, feeling and intention. 

2. To get facts we ask questions directly and politely to the person. For example, could you tell me 

where do you come from? May I know your name please? What is your job? Do you go to office by 

bus or train? Say something about your family members. What is the price of this shirt? How many 

children do you have in your first marriage? Is your wife pregnant now? When did you start your 

work? Where does the bus stop, which goes to the city? 

3. Fact gives mere information regarding reality. A person says he has only two children and in fact, 

he has three, then we say that he is lying and false. So facts can be easily verified by true measure. 

In counselling session, we do enough queries regarding facts about counselee and his actions. For 

example, when did you meet him last? What did you talk to him when he came to you? 

Feelings: 

4. To know feelings we need to ask caringly to the person. Unlike facts, we grow in closeness with the 

person and ask about feeling level. How do you like your new job? What kind of unpleasant feelings 

do you have with that person? What are the pleasant feelings you have in your new married life? 

What makes you sad? How are you thrilled with your new promotion? 

5. Sometimes we enquire thinking level also in connection with feeling level very much. For example, 

what do you think about getting a sudden transfer from your place to far away? What do you think if 

he forgets everything and comes for reconciliation? 

6. Here in feeling level of communication, we grow from eye contact and get in contact with heart level 

to the person. Often the body language tells you about the feeling level. 

7. Fact level enquiries are more peripheral than feeling level communication. Since each person is a 

unique individual, counsellor needs to honour and respect each ones feeling level conversation. If 

that is not provided then trust and confidence of the counselee on the counsellor will be shaken. 

We need to have active listening and to maintain friendly atmosphere to deal with feeling level 

questions. The counselee should not feel rejected and ignored by counsellor while dealing with the 

feeling level. 

Intention: 

8. We come in contact with intention means that we meet the will and the conscience level of mind. 

We go far deeper than external appearance and good choice of words or nice show of feeling. Let 

31

us describe it through a standard example from Jesus’ life (Mathew 22:15-22). Once Pharisees’ 

disciples and Herodians went to Jesus. “Teacher, they said we know you are a man of integrity and that 

you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. You aren’t swayed by men, because you pay no 

attention to who they are.” In feeling level having communicated to him in high and honouring manner, 

they put a real fact level question to him. “Tell us, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar 

or not?” Here if Jesus says no, Herodians will catch him as he is against the king Caesar. If he says 

yes, Pharisees will catch him as he is supporting the dominion of Romans over Jews. 

9. Jesus said “You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me?’ However, Jesus knowing their evil 

intention and asked them for a coin. Then he enquired about its portrait and its inscription. They 

said Caesar’s. Then Jesus said to them, Give to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s. 

10. However, their fact level and feeling level dealing with Jesus seemed to be very positive and 

genuine but in their conscience and will, there was an intention and purpose, which was evil. 

Therefore, intention level goes much deeper into ones conscience than outward form and showing 

belief. 

11. In another occasion (Mathew 15:21-28) Jesus took the intention of the Canaanite woman (an out 

caste) out and praised her well. Though their initial conversation seemed to be very provocative 

Jesus took her real intention out which was triggered by her unbeatable profound faith in him no 

matter what the circumstances she belonged to. 

12. The real identification of the intention deals us to get into the true diagnosis of the problem and 

matter. 

13. The counsellor needs to know the counselee‘s intention clearly to deal with the problem he presents 

in a realistic and sensible manner. Intentions often are unconscious. Coming in touch with the 

unconscious intention (good or bad) helps the counselee to gain power over himself. 

14. The counsellor also needs to have self check of himself about his conscious and unconscious 

Intentions and will, so that he can escape from the trap while dealing with the counselee’s deep 

intention. For example, I dislike certain things like dominating character in counselee and if I talk to 

counselee with my intolerant mind I may land up in wrong conclusion with my coloured opinion. 

15. How many children do you have? (Fact level question). How do you enjoy your life with children? 

(Feeling level question). What makes you close to play with your children very often? Or why do 

you want to spend much time with your children? (Intention level question). We will also discuss 

some Intention level questions in the plenary at last. 

16. Dealing with fact, feeling and intention level communication the counsellor switches over simple 

conversation to a meaningful communication of counselling talk. 

32


TOPIC: FACTS, FEELINGS AND INTENTIONS 2 


1. To practise to know how to ask in three levels namely fact, feeling and intention. 

60 Minutes 



counselee and third is observer. Any problem can take for counsellor. 

Counsellor can concentrate on the types of questions learned in the previous 

session concerning fact, feeling and intention to explore about the problem. 

Each counselling session is for 15 Minutes. 

After each counselling session observer takes 5 Minutes for giving observation. 

Observer can use the non verbal communication work sheet. 

2. Each one can take turns. 

60 Minutes 

33

CHECK LIST OF NON VERBAL ACTIONS FOR OBSERVER (WORK SHEET ) 

WHAT YOU SAW? 

WHEN IS IT DONE? 

EYES 

MOUTH 

FACIAL EXPRESSIONS 

HEAD 

SHOULDERS AND NECK 

ARMS AND HANDS 

LEGS AND FEET 

BODY 

BREATH 

VOICE 

ANY ACTION SPECIAL 

34


TOPIC: THE ROLE OF COUNSELLOR 


1. To know the role and attitude of counsellor towards counselee and counselling 

setting specifically. 

2. To know the dynamics in the attitude between counsellor and counselee and 

observer in the counselling. 

60 Minutes 



2. Discussing the teaching in groups of three. All express their views and ideas 20 Minutes 


TEACHING: THE ROLE OF COUNSELLOR 

1. In the counselling session we took the role of counsellor, counselee and observer. 

2. Each one experienced their own flow, resistance, pressure, obstacles, so on and so forth and we 

look at them in a depth manner in the light of John 13: 1- 17(washing of disciples’ feet by Jesus). 

3. Jesus considered the disciples as his own and showed them the full extent of his love. (verse 1) 

4. Jesus had full power and authority over all things and he had come from God and would return to 

God. (verse 3) 

5. Since he had full power with him, he knew and could know also every bit of things in every 

disciples’ heart and mind. He knew what was going to happen with Judas Iscariot and Peter too. 

We see Jesus here humbling himself fully and he shows that in the action of full love and humility. 

6. He washed everybody’s feet and dried them with the towel wrapped around him. 

7. Peter resisted him by not allowing him to wash. But Jesus loved him more and more. He the 

Teacher and the Lord showed us an example and told us to do the same by washing the feet of one 

another. (Verse 17) sometimes the person you interact with is stubborn and resists you more or 

less. But be kind, mild, and not resentful. Stay patient. Do not use violence by shouting at the 

person or threatening him. 

8. He said to us that we will be blessed if we do them. In fact if we do counselling with the spirit of 

washing of feet showed by Jesus, surely we will lead everybody to God given repentance. And that 

will be a blessing for everyone. If we do counselling as a condescending attitude that wont work 

with the style God wanted, and showed to us through Jesus Christ. 

9. 2 Tim 2: 24-25 says, “And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to 

everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope 

that God will grant them repentance leading them to knowledge of the truth”. This would enhance 

the counsellor to have sufficient time, intimacy, high respect and individual attention with the person 

he interacts. Keep in mind to use mild words, rather than boiling or ice-cold words. 

10. Keeping the said attitude the counsellor does not rely on himself, he can relax and be confident in 

God, that God is able to convict the counselee. 

35




LISTENING AND 

OBSERVER AND 

QUESTION 1 

LISTENING AND 

OBSERVER AND 

QUESTION 2 

LISTENING AND 

OBSERVER AND 

QUESTION 3 

SESSION 1 

60 MINUTES 


(JAMES MODEL) 

HOW TO ASK 


4 ASPECTS OF 

VIEWING 

PROBLEM 1 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 2 

60 MINUTES 

NON VERBAL 




CONTACT 

FACTS, 

FEELINGS AND 

INTENTIONS 1 

4 ASPECTS OF 

VIEWING 

PROBLEM 2 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 3 

60 MINUTES 

FEEDBACK AND 

OBSERVATION 

FACTS, 

FEELINGS AND 

INTENTIONS 2 

THE DIFFERENT 

PARTS OF A 

COUNSELLING 


BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 4 

60 MINUTES 

HOW TO ASK 


ROLE OF 

COUNSELLOR 

THE DIFFERENT 

PARTS OF A 

COUNSELLING 


36


TOPIC: 4 ASPECTS OF VIEWING PROBLEM 1 


1. The student learns 4 aspects of viewing a problem 

2. Through this the student gets a general idea into the nature of the 

problem including its source and cause through 4 aspects of looking at it 

60 Minutes 



2. Have a discussion after the teaching in small groups of three students. 10 Minutes 


TEACHING: 4 ASPECTS OF VIEWING PROBLEM 1 

1. SCIENTIFIC / MEDICAL BASIS 

1. The medical way of diagnosis is scientifically done by the recognised medical practitioner. 

2. We understand there is cause and effect in every problem. The effect may be some fever but there 

will be some real cause for the high temperature in the body. 

3. The result may be frequent pain in the stomach but cause may be dissatisfaction of not getting 

some innermost desire. Though pain relief piles are needed here but it may not give lasting help. 

4. If you don’t find reliable solution for the problem by this way of diagnosis you need to get into the 

next level of diagnosis. 

2. INTENTION / SYSTEM (GOOD / BAD) 

1. A school student of high standard syllabus finds it extremely difficult to cope with studies. His real 

intention on studies is very bad and having constant stomach pain and in omitting. Then after 

several medical diagnoses and counselling he is shifted to lower standard syllabus and then his 

intention regarding interest and motivation of studies became good and his performance got 

improved and all his physical ailments got vanished. Here we know about good and bad intention or 

system in which we handle the problem. 

2. When a couple not having children is examined and found in counselling that the wife is having a 

very fearful and negative feeling and intention about having a child in the core to her heart and 

mind. After the wrong intention is settled from the mind and heart the lady became pregnant. 

3. If the problem does not cease some time for longer duration rather it comes out after a short time of 

dormant stage since it could have some other source too for its existence. 

4. For example, in Luke 8:43, “And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, which had spent 

all her living upon physicians, neither could be healed of any”. 

5. We know good or bad intention in a problem by understanding whether the cause of the act makes 

someone acceptable or unacceptable in effect. For example in the scripture, (Daniel 5:1-30) the 

king Belshazzar was killed due to his intentional act of praising his gods at the expense of 

desecrating Israel’s temple vessels. His intentional pride on himself ruined him. 

6. In (Luke 7:2-9) the Roman centurion’s servant was healed due to his good will to provide a place for 

the Israelites for their worship. His intentional act of respecting Israelites helped him. The first 

incident lead to destruction due to bad intention and the second incident lead to healing due to good 

37

intention. 

7. Apart from all other issues we could find out the healthy or unhealthy systems and their connection 

with the problem asking how the life of the person is safeguarded with proper value and attention. 

System (religion, family, workplace, church, friends etc) can also perpetuate and promote the 

starting of many problems in a bad level like sibling discrimination, dowry system, caste 

discrimination, female infanticide, child labour, home violence on children and women etc. 

8. Mathew 12:9-15 clearly gives us an impact of a bad system of religious leadership on a person. Yet 

a withered handed person boldly and daringly responded to Jesus even in the controversial 

circumstances. 

9. Bad intention/system produces bad fruit and good intention/system produces good fruit. “For every 

tree is known by his own fruit. For of thorns men do not gather figs, nor of a bramble bush gather 

they grapes.” (Luke 6:44). 

10. We do understand intention, system and the people and in which they carry out things from the 

following verse of Jesus in Mathew 7: 15 – 20. “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in 

sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do 

people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise every good tree bears good 

fruits, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down 

and thrown into the fire. Thus by their fruit you will recognize them”. 

3. EVIL INFLUENCE 

1. Here we study to recognise the evil influence behind the problem. 

2. When a pantheist believer heard by his friend that Jesus says; “I am the way, the truth and the life, 

no man cometh unto the Father, but by me” (John 14:6) he became troubled and lost sleep at night. 

3. Who is the real agent of bad things? Jesus says in John 10:10, “The thief comes not but for to steal, 

and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, ad that they might have it more 

abundantly”. 

4. Bad things are done and given by an evil agent. Does God give good things and bad things to a 

person? In James 3:11 says; “Does a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and 

bitter”. 

5. Perhaps there also could be consequences of some occult practices in the family or of some 

curses. 

6. In Genesis 3: 4, God said to Adam, “if you eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you will 

die. The evil agent said to Eve, “if you eat of the tree of the knowledge you will not die.” 

7. In the said incident in Genesis, the real nature of complete influence of evil was death, darkness, lie 

and hell. The complete influence of divine nature in the incident was life, light, truth and heaven. 

8. Astrologers, palm readers, stargazers, weekly prognosticators, sorcerers, magicians, soothsayers, 

pantheist, atheist, violent militants drive men to acts knowingly or unknowingly in the name of peace 

and prosperity. In fact, they are eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Ultimately, the 

result or fruit of them is death, darkness, lie and hell. That is why the word of life, the Bible 

condemns those things. 

9. In John 8: 44, Jesus says, “He (the devil) was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the 

truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and 

the father of lies. 

4. DIVINE INFLUENCE 

1. Here we study to discern the divine influence even in the midst of a problem and of manipulation by 

38

evil agent. At a young age the only honourable daughter of a pantheist parents drowned in a picnic 

spot with her friends. 

2. When her diary was read after wards the parents found the strong and intimate relationship with 

Jesus Christ. Even in the midst of strong agony of their lovely daughter’s death the parents found 

hope and eternal life in Jesus Christ through her life testimony. 

3. Such saints like that daughter would go with Philippians 1:2 “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is 

gain”. And Romans 8: 35 “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or 

distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 

4. As we study the divine influence of God amidst our problems, even when all doors are shut, all 

human understanding has run out and then God’s window is open because of his purpose and plan. 

At the same time, it is important to make sure that we are not promoting or supporting any 

manifestation of evil influence like poverty, sickness, debt, divorce, illiteracy, judging, violence etc. 

in the name of divine influence. We know that only good things come from God. 

5. In Job 1:1 we see, “There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was 

perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil”. Yet this man faced utmost 

suffering and God himself taught him that more than anything God is above all and good. 

6. In Luke 1:6 God gave Zachariah and Elizabeth who were both righteous before God, John the 

Baptist at their old age and changed their shame into blessings for all humanity. In Luke 1:30 It was 

not at all an easy matter for Mary from the human point of view to understand the birth of Jesus 

Christ. 

7. It is not good to murmur against God when some unfavourable occurrence happens since God has 

a unique plan for every one. So in Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for 

good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose”. In Luke 18:27, 

and Jesus said, “The things which are impossible with men are possible with God”. 

8. The absolute saying or standard or morality on any one’s life is not based on anything else but on 

the divine influence which originates from God himself. Ever-changing mind of man can truly rests 

only on God’s influence. And one who is led by the divine influence goes by the saying of 1Peter 

4:11. If any man speak let him speak as the oracles of God; if any man minister, let him do it as of 

the ability which God gives: that God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom be 

praise and dominion forever and ever. Amen. 

9. The supreme divine influence takes a true searcher to the blood of Christ. In Hebrews, 9:14 “How 

much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to 

God; purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?” 

39


TOPIC: 4 ASPECTS OF VIEWING PROBLEM 2 


1. To practise to know how to ask about problem in a counselling setting. 

2. The student learns to ask about the problem in the light of 4 aspects of 

viewing problem. 

3. Through this the student gets a general idea into the nature of the problem 

including its source and cause through 4 aspects of looking at a problem. 

60 Minutes 



counselee and third is observer. Any problem can take for counselee. 

Counsellor can concentrate on the types of questions learned in the previous 

session to explore about the problem. Each counselling session is for 

15 minutes 

2. After each counselling session observer takes 5 minutes for giving 

observation. Observer can use the non verbal communication work sheet 

3. Each one can take turns. 

60 Minutes 

40

4 ASPECTS OF VIEWING PROBLEM (WORK SHEET) 

STATE THE PROBLEM YOU LIKE TO WORK: 

1: SCIENTIFIC / MEDICAL BASIS 

How long does your problem affect your work and 

life? 

What happened in your life shortly before the 

Problem occurred? (with regard to physical body, 

intention and system) 

Did you get any medical treatment concerning your 

problem? 

If yes: What was the diagnosis of the medical 

doctor? 

How and how long did the medicine help? 

If no: Do you need some medical help? 

2: INTENTION / SYSTEM (GOOD / BAD) 

What thought or emotion could express itself in the 

way of your problem? 

What is your experience from others with this 

problem? 

What would be your main constraint regarding the 

solution of the problem? 

How far does your family support you with this problem? 

What do you think about the recovery of this problem? 

3: EVIL INFLUENCE 

What are the bad experiences with this problem 

with you and with others? 

What do you think about the evil agent in this 

problem? 

What are bad fruits or behaviours revealed by the 

evil agent? 

What is the thing you try to avoid for the solution? 

4: DIVINE INFLUENCE 

What is the character you acquired through this 

problem? 

What is the lesson you learn about God from this 

problem? 

What is the lesson you learn about man from this 

problem? 

What do you learn to do and not to do from this 

problem? 

41


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

THE DIFFERENT PARTS OF COUNSELLING SESSION: 

20 MINUTES COUNSELLING 1 


1. To know the formal counselling session specifically and to train 

it in a short 20 minutes format. 

2. To know how to run a counselling session with namely, starting, description, 

focusing and ending. 

3. To use check list of counselling by counsellor and observation form by observer. 


1. Teaching while students can have work sheet regarding 

check list of counselling 

30 Minutes 

2. Have a demonstration of 20 minute counselling session. A student can 

be counselee and the trainer can be counsellor. 

20 Minutes 

3. Feedback session for collating ideas. 10 Minutes 

TEACHING: 20 MINUTES COUNSELLING 1 

1. In any counselling conversation, primarily one fellow is talking and the other is listening. The one 

who has come for talking is counselee and the one who is sitting for listening is counsellor. If I say, 

it in a pictorial manner counselling session can be compared to a football play. Counselee plays 

with football as life and counsellor watches it as a friendly coach. 

2. There are instances like starting, breaks, ending, free flow of ball, sudden checks from other 

players, fouls from others, good goals, some miss of good opportunities of goal so on and so forth. 

Counselee’s conversation may take shape of the said features in some way or other in any 

counselling session. Any action in your counselling one on one session gives you a close look at 

your life, and life events which you are dealing with it primarily not others. 

3. It is a 20-minute counselling session specially designed for the learning purpose, though in actual 

case we may take more time than twenty minutes either. In the counselling session, there are 

mainly four parts: starting, description, focusing and ending. 

4. Starting part is for warming up for counsellor and counselee. Even if they know each other early, do 

the warming up part knowingly. Counsellor could ask questions regarding name, place, work and 

weather etc. 

Steps in the house of communication 

1. You can take steps to open the door: kindness, friendliness, smiling face, confidence, 

trustworthiness 

You can take steps to go in: talking about things, situations, small talk (“warming up”) 

You can take steps to sit down in the sofa: talk about your feelings, listen in what ways the partner 

tells you her/his feelings, watch out for emotions which will show up with the words - and name 

some of them 

You can take steps to have a meal together: you recognize the intention (motives), the longing and 

the deep wishes of your partner and you share your own yearnings 

But also there are steps to take you out: body language which expresses uncommunicativeness, 

pressure, talkativeness, (not being aware of what that the partner is), moral. Things we do not miss 

in this part are; make the counselee sit comfortably, offer a glass of water or a cup of tea if needed, 

give the counselee a gracious welcome. Time is 3 minutes for this interaction. 

42

2. The second part is the description of the problem the counselee likes to present. In this, he may 

pour out lots of information and explanation but let him speak out with out much of interruption by 

the counsellor. 

Things we do not fail to pay attention in this segment are; allow the counselee to speak out the 

problem, have a listening heart to counselee’s explanation of the problem, notice the words 

repeatedly using, honour the feelings the counselee shows, observe the body language the 

counselee acts. Time is set here for 6 minutes. 

3. The third piece of counselling session is focussing. This is the bit of time counsellor makes sure of 

the problem counselee wants to address above all. For focusing the counsellor could ask the 

counselee: what do you like to speak about now? Which is the problem you’d like begin to solve 

today? I saw the tension in your voice and face, when you spoke about…- what could you share 

about that? 

Things we remember in this section are; there may be many problems in the description but choose 

the most important one. While selecting don’t interpret the one you take but you can check with the 

counselee that you said this like that and is that ok with you to take first. Repeat what he said and 

verify with him to take the matter first before you go ahead with the problem all along. Time for 

focus part is for 6 minutes, here. 

4. The final part of counselling is ending part. The whole counselling session arrives at a meaningful 

and supportive end with the next appointment if needed. Things we remember in this part are; do 

not end with hurried manner of result or hasty solutions. Give blessings to the counselee. Fix up 

the follow up session. Give homework. Counsellor can end with a short prayer asking “can I 

conclude with a prayer for you?” Time for conclusion part is here for 5 minutes. 

Phases of a counselling session 

Warming up ~ 

3 minutes 

Description of the problem ~ 6 minutes 

Focus on one ~ 

6 minutes 

Conclusion ~ 

5 minutes 

How to focus within the 20 minute counselling 

How to begin and how to end is not the focus, you have to do it deliberately, but in a short way. 

Focus only on one or two points, by asking, 

by observing, where the stress and tension is, 

by relaxation, 

by intuition, 

by stopping long explanations, 

by encouraging to say it short and accurate, for example. in one word, 

by giving help to decide which the focus may be, 

by deciding yourself if and when you will switch the communication-levels (information, feelings, 

deep intentions), 

by active listening or confronting, 

by asking what s/he will do or by giving proposals, making a little stop to ask the group leader or 

to go straight on. 

by finding little conclusions, a summary, some next steps (for example.: go to this person, let’s 

make a date at my home…), some homework, 

by fixing all the open questions 

Be a good observer: 

You are as a part of the communication system – (and out of it) both, learner and teacher 

As a learner, you see and hear how others communicate – and you think about how you would do it. 

You discover the abilities of others – and you reflect upon your own, see them in a new setting. You 

see how different one may behave in counselling – and the most of them aren’t wrong. 

43

As a teacher, you can simply through your mere presence, how you are and observe, inspire the 

counsellor to new ways of thinking 

You support sisters and brothers in their desire to learn more about counselling 

You see how your feedback works and you refine your ability to give feedback 

Give encouraging feedback 

As an observer you have the duty to share your observations to the trainee. It’s also your responsibility 

to decide which of your observations you want to share and to do it in an appropriate manner. 

Rules 

1. Make some observations about the behaviour, the body language, the way of speaking and 

reacting. Observations which you like to share should be short, clear and to the point, should be 

restricted to a part of the interview, avoid assumptions, interpretations, and discussions about the 

content 

2. Talk about your feeling in one part of the feedback interview 

3. Communicate in what respect you would have acted differently 

44


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

THE DIFFERENT PARTS OF COUNSELLING SESSION: 

20 MINUTES COUNSELLING 2 


1 To practise the formal counselling session specifically in 20 minutes format. 

2 To know by practicing how to run a counselling session with namely, starting, 

description, focusing and ending. 

3 To use check list of counselling by counsellor and observation form 

by observer. 


1. All can form a group of three members; one is counsellor, second is 60 Minutes 

counselee and third is observer. Any problem can be taken for counselee. 

Counsellor can concentrate on the different parts of 20 minutes counselling 

format. Counsellor can use check list of counselling session. 

2. Each counselling session is for 20 minutes 

3. After each counselling session observer takes 10 minutes for giving 

observation .Observer can use the observation form 

45

CHECK LIST OF 20 MINUTE COUNSELLING FOR COUNSELLOR (WORK SHEET) 

HOW IS IT DONE? 

FIRST (STARTING PHASE) 

PLACE 

TIME 

ROLES 

WARMING UP 

WHAT’S THE MATTER 

SPIRITUAL FRAME 

MIDDLE (WORKING PHASE) 

DESCRIBING THE PROBLEM 

FOCUSING 

CONCLUSION 

LAST (ENDING PHASE) 

TIME KEEPING 

EVALUATION OF RELATIONSHIP 

EVALUATION GOALS, HIDDEN THEMES 

SPIRITUAL FRAME 

NEXT (FOLLOW UP )STEPS 

NEXT DATE 

RESPONSIBLITIES 

46


OBSERVATION FORM (WORK SHEET) 

I OBSERVED Ms/Mr._________________________________ AS A COUNSELLOR FOR 

DATE: 

TIME: 

CONTENT OF THE 4 PHASES; 

NOTE SOME SAMPLES 

WARMING UP 

DESCRIBING THE PROBLEM 

FOCUSING 

CONCLUSION 

OBSERVATIONS PERTAINING THE 

BODY LANGUAGE 

WHAT ARE THE ABILITIES OF THE 

PERSON BEING OBSERVED? 

WHAT DID YOU LEARN FROM THE 

PERSON BEING OBSERVED? 

SOME IDEAS YOU WOULD DO OR SAY 

IN AN OTHER WAY? 

HOW DO YOU THINK THE COUNSELEE 

FEEL? 

A) DURING PARTICULAR PHASES 

B) DURING THE INTERVIEW AS A 

WHOLE? 

WHAT IMPRESSED YOU THE MOST 

DURING THE INTERVIEW? 

TIME MANAGEMENT 

47



UNITS 2- 4 TECHNIQUES OF HOW TO ASK AND TO LISTEN 






4. 








48

UNITS 5- 8 PERSONALITY STRUCTURE 

LEVEL 1: UNITS 5- 8 PERSONALITY STRUCTURE 

UNIT 5 UNIT 6 UNIT 7 UNIT 8 

MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 

AND FOUR 

TYPES OF 

FORCES 

FOUR TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 

MYSELF AND 

FEEDBACK 

DEVELOP SELF 

UNDERSTANDING 

AND CHANGE OF 

CHARACTER 

HOW MY 

PERSONALITY 

FIT TO OTHERS 

SESSION 

1 

60 

MINUTES 

MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 1 

FOUR TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 2 

JOHARI WINDOW 

AND FEEDBACK 1 

SIMPLE 

PERSONALITY 

TEST AND 

DESCRIPTION 1 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 

2 

60 

MINUTES 

MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 2 

FOUR TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 3 

JOHARI WINDOW 


SIMPLE 

PERSONALITY 

TEST AND 

DESCRIPTION 2 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 

3 

60 

MINUTES 

MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 2 

WORK SHEET 

FOR FINDING 

ONES OWN 

TYPE 

SELF DISCLOSURE 


MY STYLE AND 

MY TYPE WITH 

OTHERS 1 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 

4 

60 

MINUTES 

FOUR 

TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 1 

COUNSELLING 

ACTUAL 

PROBLEM WITH 

HELP OF FOUR 

TYPES 



MY STYLE AND 

MY TYPE WITH 

OTHERS 2 

49

UNIT 5-MY SPECIFIC GOD GIVEN IDENTITY AND FOUR TYPES OF PEOPLE 



MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 

AND FOUR 

TYPES OF 

FORCES 

FOUR TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 

MYSELF AND 

FEEDBACK 

DEVELOP SELF 

UNDERSTANDING 

AND CHANGE OF 

CHARACTER 

HOW MY 

PERSONALITY 

FIT TO OTHERS 

SESSION 

1 

60 

MINUTES 

MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 1 

FOUR TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 2 

JOHARI WINDOW 


SIMPLE 

PERSONALITY 

TEST AND 

DESCRIPTION 1 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 

2 

60 

MINUTES 

MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 2 

FOUR TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 3 

JOHARI WINDOW 


SIMPLE 

PERSONALITY 

TEST AND 

DESCRIPTION 2 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 

3 

60 

MINUTES 

MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 2 

WORK SHEET 

FOR FINDING 

ONES OWN 

TYPE 



MY STYLE AND 

MY TYPE WITH 

OTHERS 1 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 

4 

60 

MINUTES 

FOUR 

TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 1 

COUNSELLING 

ACTUAL 

PROBLEM WITH 

HELP OF FOUR 

TYPES 



MY STYLE AND 

MY TYPE WITH 

OTHERS 2 

50


TOPIC: MY SPECIFIC GOD GIVEN IDENTITY 1 


1. To know seven unchangeable characteristics in my identity. 

60 Minutes 


1. Introduce the seven unchangeable characteristics 10 Minutes 

2. Fill in the unchangeable Characteristics 10 Minutes 

3. Share about how and why you did your marks on the unchangeable 

characteristics three by three 

30 Minutes 

4. Close in the plenary 10 Minutes 

51

TEACHING AND WORK SHEET: My specific, God given Identity 

An important part of spiritual and emotional healing is, to recognize the ruling wisdom and love of God 

about my whole life and to reconcile with my situation in the past and in the present. Both for the 

counsellor and the counselee are important to accept deeply and trustingly my specific, God given 

identity. God has shaped me different into a very specific vessel; he planned my genetic code and all 

the influencing circumstances in my life. This identity is determined by the so-called „Seven 

unchangeable characteristics“. These characteristics shaped you as a person! 

Work on this sheet: Which parts do I accept wholeheartedly? Make a circle in the box. (O) Which ones 

not very easily? Make a slash (/). Which ones very little or not at all? Make a cross (X). 

1. My parents and ancestors 

Their mental condition 

Their financial condition 

2. My family position 

My brothers and sisters 

3. My national inheritance 

Strength and weaknesses of my 

country 

Strengths and weaknesses of my 

nation 

Their physical condition 

Their successes and failures 

My position as first, second, third, 

youngest, oldest child and so on 

My people group (tribe) 

Political and economic situation 

4. My gender 

Physically (concerning my sex; m/f) 

socially (concerning the role as male 

/female, I have to play in my society) 

5. My body 

emotionally (concerning my feelings), 

Nose Mouth Size Colour 

Ears Hair Hands Birthmarks 

Eyes Body shape Feet Chin 

Face Skin Health Handicaps 

Strength Fitness, sport talents race 

6. My Mental Abilities 

Intelligence Talents Limitations Learning 

7. Age and Death 

Decreasing Decreasing wrinkles Weak ears 

Grey hairs Weak eyes Brittle bones Weak teeth 

52




1. To know my specific identity in God. 

60 Minutes 



2. Discussing the teaching in groups of three 20 Minutes 

TEACHING: MY SPECIFIC GOD GIVEN IDENTITY 1 

1. Introduction 

Adam and Eve found their identity in God. They knew and felt that God had created them. God loves us 

deeply as we are. He is satisfied with us and so we can be satisfied with ourselves. We can feel very 

good about ourselves. We know who we are, where we come from and where we are going. We know 

that from our Creator. 

Man lost his real God-given identity through the Fall. Since then man’s relationships and orientation are 

spoiled. He has lost sight of his counterpart, God. The break-up of the relationship with God leaves a 

lack, which man himself now tries to fill. 

2. Purpose 

God’s purpose for man is that he should become like Him in his relationship with God. Jesus is the 

counterpart of the Father (Col. 1:15). We should become like Jesus (Rom. 8:29). This is our calling and 

our purpose. 

3. Forms of identity 

1. The identity of a person is the sum of the characteristics by which we differ from others. My identity 

is my real being; what I really am. In my passport, some of my outward characteristics are listed: 

height, hair colour, eye colour, sex and lastly my photo. In addition to these, I have my character 

and all my peculiarities. 

2. Identity also can mean a total match or rather a total similarity of things and persons. For instance, 

it is said in John 1:1, "In the beginning was the word. The word was with God and was like God in 

every way.” This tells us that Jesus and the Father are totally alike or identical in every way. 

3. Identification: This is a process of putting oneself emotionally and intuitively into the position of 

someone else, a group or an activity, and of adopting essential characteristics and behaviour 

patterns into one’s own personality. Every small child identifies more or less with his/her own 

parents and in so doing, adopts their characteristics and behaviour patterns. This can be true also 

with a clan and a church. A function, for instance being a pastor, can also be an identification. 

Another kind of identification may occur when I ask myself who am I in the eyes of others. In this 

case, other people define my identity. 

4. Situation 

We Christians often do not experience the growth and freedom, which we possess in Jesus, because 

we hold on to a wrong perception about God and ourselves. Though Jesus lives in us, often nothing or 

very little of him is visible in us. Many Christians struggle with their inadequacies all their lives and 

never get much further. This is a struggle between the flesh and the Spirit. The old nature, which wants 

53

to be independent and does not seek God, does not want to give up and fights against the Spirit/Christ 

in me. The problem is that we often do not accept ourselves as we have been created, with our 

personality, weaknesses and strengths. Then it is difficult for us to accept redemption and to see 

ourselves for what we are in Jesus. Not the spiritual super-heroes but rather me, as I am, am loved by 

Jesus and may daily live with him and learn from Him. If I want to be someone else and do not know 

my real identity (being in Jesus), I experience tensions, stress, my life is strenuous and I get tired and 

even sick. 

5. The redeemed person 

The redemption work of Jesus opens for me a door to a totally new relationship with God; and through 

it also to an entirely changed identity. As a redeemed person I can, through faith in Jesus, experience a 

totally new identity and be totally satisfied (Ps. 34:10). I have changed from being God’s enemy to 

being His friend (Rom. 8:17). God is no longer against me but for me (Rom. 8:31). Rom. 5:1 says that I 

am now accepted by God and have peace with Him. If someone has peace with God, he does not need 

to be afraid of God Himself nor of His judgment (Rom.5:9 and 8:1). And not only this; God also gives 

me His love, that is Himself, into my heart through His Holy Spirit (Rom. 5:5 and 8:15)! The Holy Spirit 

is the guarantee of a future eternal glory with God. And through this Holy Spirit, I have the certainty that 

He will change me into His image. Little by little my life will become more and more like Jesus’ life, in as 

far as I allow the Holy Spirit to change me. Yet, in this process, the Holy Spirit will not change my 

personality but rather gives it depth and strengthen. Therefore, the fruit of the Holy Spirit grows on the 

foundation of my personality. 

What has really happened legally? 

Our position in Christ is clear: fully accepted and made fully righteous (Rom. 5:1f). 

Through the death of my old self there is no longer any connection with sin (Rom. 6: 7+10). My 

Heavenly Father only accepts me if (while) I am in Christ. Only in Jesus am I holy and righteous; not in 

myself! This legal change happened suddenly at the new birth. Just as if a king adopted a beggar. This 

is sealed by a signature. Now it is a legal fact: fully accepted with a new name. 

What has happened in me? 

3 

2 

1 

1 is the spirit, which is dead before the new birth 

2 is the soul, mind, will and emotion 

3 is the body 

The redeemed person has replaced his old dead nature (1) with a godly nature. Thus Paul can say:” 

you are a new creation ...” The spirit is fully new. We have developed thought patterns, habits, 

behaviour patterns and a lifestyle, which make us the focus of our lives (2+3). 

Now we are in Christ and it is our responsibility and our duty to change our thinking and our behaviour. 

We also may decide to live according to the flesh and the old self. These are worldly Christians 

according to 1 Cor. 3:3. 

54

The identity of a redeemed person is already decided. Christ’s nature is in us. It makes us able to be 

like Christ and not only to act like Christ. God knows that we are not able to redeem ourselves from our 

self-centredness by changing our behaviour and imitating Jesus. God must first change our very being 

and give us a new identity and purpose; then we are able to change our behaviour. A redeemed person 

lives in an already perfect state (legally) (Rom. 5+6+8) and in a not yet perfect one as regards his 

thinking and actions (Rom. 7). 

6. The Way 

In Christ, I am a spiritual person. This is the real identity of a redeemed person. Legally clear. But as a 

beggar does not know how to live in a royal palace and must learn many things as a child of the King, 

so I also need to learn many new things as a child of the King. 

It is not my actions, which define who I am, but who I am defines my actions! Thus it is not my 

behaviour which influences my identity, but my belief as to who I am. Biblical behaviour is thus the 

result of my faith/belief. Spiritual life thus comes as a result of faith in the Bible and not from our 

behaviour. 

Conclusion: 

1. Theology: knowledge about what God has said about identity 

2. Actions: knowledge put into practice through faith. 

If I believe I am a sinner, what will I do? I will sin. 

If I believe, as Paul says, I am a saint (holy), what will I do? I will feel more and more like a saint (holy) 

and sometimes sin. 

We do not serve God in order to obtain His acceptance; we are accepted and for this reason, we serve 

Him! And in the same way, we do not follow God in order to be loved, but we are loved and for this 

reason, we follow Him! 

Therefore, we often first have to do as if we loved a person, in order to be really able to love him. I must 

act as if I were holy and walk in the light, until I grow more and more into my real identity: to be in 

Christ. 

If we want to receive our real identity in Jesus, we must apply this life principle of first doing something 

on the basis of what I am in Christ, and then letting our emotions follow. 

Conclusion 

Only in God, can I recognise and possess my real identity. Since this relationship with God was broken 

at the Fall, I cannot imagine who I am and who I could be. Therefore, I assemble my own identity 

through actions, thoughts about myself and conclusions about events I experience. Only through new 

birth by faith in Jesus is my spirit awakened to new life, through the Holy Spirit. Through the Bible, the 

Holy Spirit gives me God’s perspective as to what my real identity is and for what purpose I was 

created. This new position arises instantaneously, whereas my behaviour is still strongly influenced by 

my old self and its habits. 

Through faith in Jesus, I have received a new Master, Whom I want to obey with thankfulness for my 

redemption. This change takes time. Although the old master (old self) has died, I still have his words in 

my ears. I give the Master, in Whom I believe and Whom I obey, authority over myself, 

55

i.e. I adopt His identity. 

Faith in God’s perspective concerning my identity is now my new foundation. I cannot improve my 

position as God’s child but I can deepen my fellowship with God. A father remains a father and a child 

remains a child in their relationships to each other. However, our fellowship will be deepened through 

the Holy Spirit. In my obedience to Jesus, I adopt His identity more and more, which changes me more 

and more into His image. My basic convictions about God and myself rule me. 

56




1. To know my specific identity in God in practising counselling session. 

60 Minutes 


1. All sit in threes; one counsellor, one counselee and one observer. 

2. Any issue related identity can be taken for counselling session. 

3. Each counselling session takes 15 minutes each 

and observation 5 minutes each 

60 Minutes 

57


TOPIC: FOUR TYPES OF PEOPLE 1 


1. To know four types of people. 

2. To know how I fit into four types of people 

60 Minutes 


1. Teaching and at the same time students fill in the Assignment: how strong 

is this force in my life? 

Mark one of the boxes with a cross. 

And with the marked scores fill up the graph also. 

60 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

FOUR TYPES OF PEOPLE 

All can have the sheet explaining four types of people while the input on them is going on. 

People are rarely balanced in living out the four basic calls or forces. They give more room to 

one or the other. 

We study here people who live lopsided, who live out one of four calls or one of these fears or 

one of four forces to a fairly high degree. 

The trainer goes through each type roughly before every body. 

Mainly he glances though each type’s motto, basic fears, bright side, Christianity, dark side, 

illustration, and family life. 

58

WORK SHEET ON FOUR TYPES OF PEOPLE 

1 2 3 4 

THE INDEPENDENT THE DEVOTED TYPE THE TRADITIONAL TYPE THE FLEXIBLE TYPE 

Generally Generally Generally Generally 

Lives out the force of 

rotation most. 


revolution most. 


gravitation most 

Lives out the centrifugal 

force most. 

Basic tendency: Basic tendency: Basic tendency: Basic tendency: 

Independent of and distant Devotion to other people, Security and stability Change, variety, pleasure 

from people 

melting with them 

Basic fear: Basic fear: Basic fear: Basic fear: 

Losing control. 

Separation and loneliness Instability, change, Construction, rigidity 

Dependency 

perishable nature 

Motto: Motto: Motto: Motto: 

Do not come close, that 

might be dangerous 

I need you, because I love 

you, I love, because I 

need you 

It is good for us to be 

here. Let us make here 

three tabernacles 

Let us do something else, 

let us enjoy life here and 

now. 

Illustration: Illustration: Illustration: Illustration: 

Warship, eagle Row boat, dog Ferry, elephant, clock Sailboat, squirrel, the 

moon 

Dark side: Dark side: Dark side: Dark side: 

Fears fellowship, lonely, 

distant, cold, thinks much 

and feels little, not 

sensitive, no deep 

conversations, sometimes 

very inconsiderate, 

isolated, mistrusting, they 

hardly say: I am sorry. 

Egoistic, selfish. Do not 

show their love or 

appreciation easily. 

Deep down: longing for 

more relationship and love 

Depends on the approval 

and love of others. Feels 

lonely very easily. Hardly 

able of standing 

disharmonious situations. 

Tends to take too much 

responsibility for others. 

Has easily false feelings of 

guilt. Loves submission 

and serving. 

Gives in too often, lets 

himself be easily overruled 

by the needs of other 

people. 

Wants to keep at all costs 

the status quo. Sticking 

heavily to traditions, rules, 

and laws. Very 

scrupulous, right and 

wrong is extremely 

important for him. To 

change she reacts with 

irritation and fear. Tends 

to be prejudiced. Often 

very pedantic. Everything 

has to be secure and in 

order! Stubborn. Often 

very perfectionist, 

because he does not want 

to make mistakes. 

Mistakes mean instability 

and change. So often he 

is very slow in making 

decisions therefore 

annoys other people. 

Often too cautious. Is 

often stingy, money and 

Does not like the normal 

and exhausting obligations 

of daily life. Wants to have 

as much joy and pleasure 

as possible by means of 

as little work as possible. 

Distracted seductive. 

Rejects traditions and 

obligations. Does not like 

to wait patiently for 

something. Planning, 

punctuality, perseverance 

are difficult for him. Needs 

to be glorified and 

admired. Has no 

difficulties to make friends 

but big difficulties to make 

close friends. 

59

collected because of 

security. 

Bright side: Bright side: Bright side: Bright side: 

Often courageous. Strong Sensitive, loving, caring, Perseverance, continuity, Flexible and adaptable. It 

in decision-making. Often friendly, talkative, humble, stability, reliability, is fun to fellowship with 

fit for leadership positions. willing to make sacrifices, faithfulness, 

them. Outgoing and 

Keen thinking. Careful 

objectivity. Independent 

from the moods of other 

faithful, conciliatory, 

devoted, committed. 

thoroughness, a steady 

form of diligence. Loves 

quality: it should last 

sociable, creative, 

inventory, able to enjoy 

life, charming, risky, 

people. Able to stick to his 

own opinion. 

forever. If the traditionalist spontaneous 

makes a decision it is a 

real one and he will stick 

to it at all costs. 

Christianity Christianity Christianity Christianity 

Is not easily convicted. 

Tends to rebel against or 

criticise the leaders. Often 

not a good shepherd or 

counsellor but a good 

leader. Is both respected 

and feared. Loves deep 

preaching without much 

emotion. Does not need a 

lot of fellowship. Likes 

action more than 

speaking. 

For this type God is more 

strong and distant and 

powerful than near and 

loving and fatherly 

Makes often high 

demands on himself. 

Suffers much from his 

weaknesses. He wants to 

please God, because he 

wants to be near to God 

as much as possible. 

Feels guilt easily, because 

he does not want to be 

separated from God. 

Loves to pray and takes 

time with God. Loves to 

pray and takes time with 

God. Shows much 

emotions. Needs good 

relationships, much 

fellowship and friendly 

people in the church. For 

him God is a father or a 

lover very dear to him. 

Very stable his 

discipleship. But tends to 

legalism. Sees God as 

judge, but also as eternal 

and reliable “rock of all 

ages”. Takes the 

commandments and 

Christian tradition very 

seriously. Faithfully 

reading the Bible not with 

much enthusiasm but with 

much perseverance. Bible 

is more a law book than a 

love story. Sometimes the 

outer Christian walk is 

more important then the 

inner attitudes. Wants to 

make the right decisions 

not to be loved but to be 

secure. He hates changes 

within the church, he loves 

liturgical elements. Loves 

local ministry, same place, 

and same people! As 

shepherd very faithful, his 

preaching stresses law 

and tradition. 

They love emotions, 

enthusiasm, and good 

music. They are open to 

new insights but after a 

good start, they do not 

persevere. Often good 

pioneers. Tendency not to 

take responsibility for their 

faults. Do not like to be 

corrected. Want to be 

successful and admired in 

the church. Often good 

preachers rhetorically. 

Can motivate d other 

Christians. They live by 

grace and not by law, but 

sometimes out of balance. 

Too much grace too little 

obedience. 

60

Family life Family life Family life Family life 

Does not communicate 

easily with spouse and 

children. Needs to be 

alone often and doing 

things for himself. Close 

and tender fellowship to 

Suffers a lot, when his 

marriage partner is an 

independent type. Gives 

and needs much love and 

intimacy. Easily 

reconciles. 

Not a very dynamic and 

flexible marriage partner, 

but faithful and reliable as 

father or mother. 

Sometimes too legalistic 

and strict towards the 

spouse or children is 

children on the other hand 

difficult for him. If you try Sometimes not strict the children know what is 

to push him or manipulate enough with the children. right and what is wrong in 

him, he will fight back or Does not want to hurt the home. 

close himself up. When anyone in the family. But 

you counsel such a type, can be very nasty and Times of crises and 

do not be annoyed reproaching if not getting financial loss or lack are a 

because of his distant and enough attention and big threat. 

uncommunicative communication from the 

other family members. 

behaviour. He needs more 

time to warm up and loose When you counsel such a 

his mistrust. 

type, do not be too much 

impressed by the pain of 

these people, because 

they have not got enough 

love and attention. 

Explain much, give clear 

factual information, and 

ask precise questions. 

Nether ride over him nor 

give way to him. Do not let 

yourself being intimidated 

by him. 

Explain and show the love 

of God to them. Do not 

demand from them two 

much, because they are 

usually very willing and 

tend to do too much to 

earn the love of God. 

Understand that they need 

more fellowship and 

personal attention than 

other people do. However, 

be cautious, that they do 

not bind themselves too 

close to you. Do not allow 

them to come too near. 

When you counsel such a 

type, emphasise 

motivation more than 

formalities and outward 

behaviour. Teach the 

relationship between love 

of God and law of God. 

Love always has priority. 

Give some rules, give 

practical suggestions and 

principles; he will love it 

without being legalistic. 

Give him time to get used 

to new things. Plead for 

understanding and 

generosity for people who 

are more relaxed, 

unrestricted and not as 

scrupulous as he does. 

Sometimes good dynamic 

fathers who play and do a 

lot with their children. 

Sometimes they do not 

take responsibility when 

the work as a father is too 

big and without diversion. 

They go out of the home 

to have their pleasures. 

They are often charming, 

sometimes like grown up 

little boys or girls, wanting 

admiration and pleasure 

from their spouses. They 

have often good ideas and 

they will be fights, when 

their spouse is very much 

a traditional type of 

person. 

When you counsel such a 

type then the counsellor is 

a traditional type and 

meets a changeable type 

as counselee, he has to 

be cautious not to judge 

his counselee because he 

is quite different. 

However, it is important to 

give a changeable person 

a proper dose of 

constriction, responsibility, 

rules, homework. 

However, not too much! A 

changeable person often 

needs some pruning, 

reducing the activities, 

learning to take steps of 

obedience, learning to 

persevere. But he will 

never change into a 

traditional or independent 

person. 

61

Assignment: how strong is this force in my life? Mark one of the boxes with a cross 

Very weak 

Very strong 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 

THE INDEPENDENT TYPE 

THE DEVOTED TYPE 

THE TRADITIONAL TYPE 

THE FLEXIBLE TYPE 

Now compare again the numbers of your four scales in the work sheet. Do they still fit? Having heard 

the information about all the four types, you can correct. 

Transfer the numbers from the work sheet on the following graph. By making dots on the numbers of 

the lines and drawing a line between them, so that you will get a square standing on the top. 

62

UNIT 6: FOUR TYPES OF PEOPLE 



MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 

AND FOUR 

TYPES OF 

FORCES 

FOUR TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 

MYSELF AND 

FEEDBACK 

DEVELOP SELF 

UNDERSTANDING 

AND CHANGE OF 

CHARACTER 

HOW MY 

PERSONALITY 

FIT TO OTHERS 

SESSION 

1 

60 

MINUTES 

MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 1 

FOUR TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 2 

JOHARI WINDOW 


SIMPLE 

PERSONALITY 

TEST AND 

DESCRIPTION 1 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 

2 

60 

MINUTES 

MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 2 

FOUR TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 3 

JOHARI WINDOW 


SIMPLE 

PERSONALITY 

TEST AND 

DESCRIPTION 2 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 

3 

60 

MINUTES 

MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 2 

WORK SHEET 

FOR FINDING 

ONES OWN 

TYPE 



MY STYLE AND 

MY TYPE WITH 

OTHERS 1 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 

4 

60 

MINUTES 

FOUR 

TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 1 

COUNSELLING 

ACTUAL 

PROBLEM WITH 

HELP OF FOUR 

TYPES 



MY STYLE AND 

MY TYPE WITH 

OTHERS 2 

63




1. To know my predominant type in four types of people in the life situation. 


60 Minutes 


All members can form four groups in which a group is of more than four 

members. Each member can enact each type in the group and make a skit for performance. In the next 

session, any life situation can be taken as theme for the skit. 

For example: 

Geetha says: You know, yesterday what happened was, my husband was doing something in digital 

camera. That time my daughter came and took that from him. By mistake it fell from her hand, and it 

started not working. He got very upset. He got angry very much because it was too costly. What I told 

him was to be cool. Tomorrow we would show that in some shop, so till then be cool and calm, I said. 

Every thing has got some solution. But he scolded me as well as my daughter. Then luckily, I switched 

off, then removed the battery and then again put on the camera. By Gods grace it worked well. Then I 

informed him over phone and after that he said sorry for everything. This is the end of this story. 

In the next session 10 minutes will be given for performance. 

1. Four groups can prepare their skit for ten minutes in the next session. 60 Minutes 

64



60 Minutes 


1. To know four types of people in the life situation. 



1. Four groups can perform their skit for ten minutes in this session. 40 Minutes 

2. After all groups performances are over, then a plenary session could be 

conducted. Each type’s characteristics brought out form the skits will be 

repeated in the group 

20 Minutes 

65


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

FINDING ONE’S OWN TYPE WITH THE HELP OF GRAPH WORK SHEET 


1. To draw the graph after finding score on each type of people by ones own. 

2. To know how my type works in my life. 


1. All can sit in three member groups. 

2. Then they can share on their drawn graph. 35 Minutes 

3. For sharing they can use the following questions: 

1. What are the struggles I face mainly in my day to day life? 

2. How does this struggle fit into the drawn graph? 

3. Through my self knowledge what are the challenges I learn to face? 

4. Plenary session for group evaluation on the discussion done. 25 Minutes 

66


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

COUNSELLING ACTUAL PROBLEM WITH THE HELP OF FOUR TYPES 

AND IDENTITY GIVEN BY GOD. 


1. To get and give counselling for the actual problem with the help of graph of four 

types and identity given by God. 


1. Demonstration: counsel one student in front of all and look at his problem in 

perspective of four fears and longings 

2. All can sit in three member groups. Each one can think of one of his actual 

life problem for the counselling. One can be counsellor, one can be 

counselee and the third can be observer. For counselling 15 minutes can be 

taken and 5 minutes for observer. We do two rounds. 

20 Minutes 

40 Minutes 

67

UNIT 7: MYSELF AND FEEDBACK 



MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 

AND FOUR 

TYPES OF 

FORCES 

FOUR TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 

MYSELF AND 

FEEDBACK 

DEVELOP SELF 

UNDERSTANDING 

AND CHANGE OF 

CHARACTER 

HOW MY 

PERSONALITY 

FIT TO OTHERS 

SESSION 

1 

60 

MINUTES 

MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 1 

FOUR TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 2 

JOHARI WINDOW 


SIMPLE 

PERSONALITY 

TEST AND 

DESCRIPTION 1 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 

2 

60 

MINUTES 

MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 2 

FOUR TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 3 

JOHARI WINDOW 


SIMPLE 

PERSONALITY 

TEST AND 

DESCRIPTION 2 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 

3 

60 

MINUTES 

MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 3 

WORK SHEET 

FOR FINDING 

ONES OWN 

TYPE 



MY STYLE AND 

MY TYPE WITH 

OTHERS 1 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 

4 

60 

MINUTES 

FOUR 

TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 1 

COUNSELLING 

ACTUAL 

PROBLEM WITH 

HELP OF FOUR 

TYPES 



MY STYLE AND 

MY TYPE WITH 

OTHERS 2 

68


TOPIC: JOHARI WINDOW AND FEEDBACK 1 

60 Minutes 


1. To know four areas of Johari window to know four areas of ones own personality. 

2. To know how I fit into four areas of known and unknown openings of mind. 

3. To know how I can give feedback to others and self disclosure as well to others. 



2. All members can form groups of four or five members. One half of the 

groups work on worksheet 1 and the other half on worksheet 2. In the next 

session two of the groups can present their group reflection for ten minutes 

in the whole class. 

30 Minutes 

TEACHING: JOHARI WINDOW AND FEEDBACK 1 

The trainer can give one life example for each about hidden self and blind self. 

All can have the sheet in which the picture of Johari window is depicted while the input session 

is moving. 

KNOWN 

TO SELF 

NOT KNOWN 

TO SELF 

KNOWN 

TO OTHERS 

NOTKNOWN 

TO OTHERS 

Socrates posed that it would be personally enlightening if you could "See yourself as others see you." 

"Feedback" is a way of helping another person to consider changing his behaviour. It is communication 

to a person (or a group) gives that person information about how he affects others. Only by knowing 

how others perceive us can we really know ourselves. Clear feedback gives us information we can use 

to understand ourselves. We can change, grow and develop better relationships with others as we free 

ourselves from misconceptions and have the opportunity to develop our relationships with others. 

69

Feedback brings information from our “blind self” to the area of “open self” in our Johari window. 

1. Mainly there are four areas in one’s life and self. In fact God knows all the areas well. One 

area is unknown self (unknown self) in which God alone knows and nobody else knows 

anything. As feedback and self disclosure take place insight would happen in the unknown 

self. 

2. Another self is known to everybody that is open self. 

3. Then one self is known only to oneself that is hidden self. In this area self disclosure has to 

take place. In the self disclosure time we open up more the area of hidden self. 

4. And the one last self known to others only but not to oneself that is blind self. In this self 

feedback from others would help to make it known to oneself. In the feedback time we open 

up the area of blind self more. 

Once the hidden self and blind self is revealed it becomes open self. 

One way to increase the size of the Arena, while decreasing the size of the other panes is 

through self-disclosure (sharing information about the real you with others and thus increasing 

their knowledge about you). 

Some criteria for useful feedback: 

Good feedback is "descriptive" rather than "evaluative." By describing one's own reaction, it leaves 

the individual free to use it or to discard it as he sees fit. By avoiding evaluative language, we 

reduce the need for the individual to react defensively and offer constructive information. 

Helpful feedback is "specific" rather than "general". To be told that one is "dominating" will probably 

not be as useful as to be told that "just now when we were deciding the issue you did not listen to 

what others said, you interrupted others and challenged their views. I felt I could not express my 

view without facing attack from you." 

Sensitive feedback takes into account the needs of both the receiver and the giver of feedback. 

Feedback can be destructive when it serves only our own needs and fails to consider the needs of 

the person on the receiving end. 

Constructive feedback is directed toward behaviour which the receiver can do something about. 

Frustration is only increased when a person is reminded of some short-coming over which he has 

no control, such as "I like tall men" when the male you are speaking with happens to be short. 

Feedback is best if it is solicited, rather than imposed. Feedback is most useful when the receiver 

himself would like to have the information. 

Good feedback is well timed. In general, feedback is most useful at the earliest opportunity after the 

given behaviour (depending, of course, on the person's readiness to hear it, support available from 

others, etc.) 

Helpful feedback is checked to insure clear communication. One way of doing this is to have the 

receiver try to rephrase the feedback he has received to see if it corresponds to what you the 

sender had in mind. When feedback is given in a group, both giver and receiver have opportunity to 

check with others in the group the accuracy of the feedback. Is this one person's impression or is 

the impression shared by others? 

Feedback, then, is a way of giving helpful information to others about their behaviour. Feedback 

clarifies how one's behaviour matches his intentions; and it is a means for establishing one's identity for 

answering who am I? How am I perceived by others? "Seeing ourselves as others see us" can be 

informative and even enlightening and allows us to change our behaviours to match our hopes and 

intentions. 

http://inst.santafe.cc.fl.us/~mwehr/HumanRel/3bFeedbk.html 

70

WORK SHEET 1 ON JOHARI WINDOW AND FEEDBACK 

HOW THE FOLLOWING EACH PERSON PLAYED IN THE FOLLOWING SIX AREAS IN THE EVENT 

AND CONVERSATION? JOHN 4: 4 - 42 

1. SAMARITAN WOMAN 2. JESUS 3. DISCIPLES 4. SAMARITAN CROWD 

1 2 3 4 5 6 

UNKOWN SELF OPEN SELF HIDDEN SELF BLIND SELF FEEDBACK SELF 

DISCLOSURE 

71

WORK SHEET 2 ON JOHARI WINDOW AND FEEDBACK 

HOW THE FOLLOWING EACH PERSON PLAYED IN THE FOLLOWING SIX AREAS IN THE EVENT 

AND CONVERSATION? LUKE 15: 11- 32 

1. YOUNGER SON 2. FATHER 3. ELDER SON 

1 2 3 4 5 6 

UNKOWN SELF OPEN SELF HIDDEN SELF BLIND SELF FEEDBACK SELF 

DISCLOSURE 

72


TOPIC: JOHARI WINDOW AND FEEDBACK 1 


1. To know four areas of Johari window to know four areas of ones own personality. 

2. To know how I fit into four areas of known and unknown openings of mind. 

3. To know how I can apply Johari window and feedback in my life. 

60 Minutes 


1. Two groups can present and share for 10 minutes their views and reflections 

done in the group work with work sheet. 

20 Minutes 

2. Form groups three by three, one feedback giver, one feedback receiver 

one Observer. Feedback giver gives feedback according to the criteria for 

useful feedback for 5 minutes, the 5 minutes feedback according to the 

criteria for useful feedback of the observer concerning the feedback of the 

feedback giver and concerning the reaction of the feedback receiver. 

Each round 10 minutes. 

30 Minutes 

3. Evaluation or questions and answers in the plenary. 10 Minutes 

73


TOPIC: JOHARI WINDOW AND SELF DISCLOSURE 1 

60 Minutes 


1. To know how to do self disclosure on the basis of four areas of Johari 

window so as to widen the area of open self. 


1. In group of three members tell about ones own three strengths and ones own 

weakness with life incidents. Each one can take ten minutes. 

2. Trainer can demonstrate a counselling session and stresses the point 

of giving adequate feedback. 

Any student can be counselee and the trainer can be the counsellor. 

And after twenty minutes the group can give 10 minutes feedback. 

30 Minutes 

30 Minutes 

74


TOPIC: JOHARI WINDOW AND SELF DISCLOSURE 2 

60 Minutes 


1. To know how to do self disclosure by opening up in the counselling session. 

2. To train adequate feedback by counselling and sharing observations 


1. In a group of three members, one can be counsellor, another can be 

counselee and the third can be observer. The counsellor stresses the point 

of giving adequate feedback. Counselling session can be for 15 minutes and 

observation for 5 minutes. 

2. Each one can take turns for counselling session. 60 Minutes 

75

UNIT 8: HOW MY PERSONALITY FIT TO OTHERS 



MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 

AND FOUR 

TYPES OF 

FORCES 

FOUR TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 

MYSELF AND 

FEEDBACK 

DEVELOP SELF 

UNDERSTANDING 

AND CHANGE OF 

CHARACTER 

HOW MY 

PERSONALITY 

FIT TO OTHERS 

SESSION 

1 

60 

MINUTES 

MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 1 

FOUR TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 2 

JOHARI WINDOW 


SIMPLE 

PERSONALITY 

TEST AND 

DESCRIPTION 1 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 

2 

60 

MINUTES 

MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 2 

FOUR TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 3 

JOHARI WINDOW 


SIMPLE 

PERSONALITY 

TEST AND 

DESCRIPTION 2 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 

3 

60 

MINUTES 

MY 

SPECIFIC 

GOD GIVEN 

IDENTITY 3 

WORK SHEET 

FOR FINDING 

ONES OWN 

TYPE 



MY STYLE AND 

MY TYPE WITH 

OTHERS 1 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 

4 

60 

MINUTES 

FOUR 

TYPES OF 

PEOPLE 1 

COUNSELLING 

ACTUAL 

PROBLEM WITH 

HELP OF FOUR 

TYPES 



MY STYLE AND 

MY TYPE WITH 

OTHERS 2 

76


TOPIC: SIMPLE PERSONALITY TEST AND DESCRIPTION 1 

60 Minutes 


1. To conduct simple personality test to identify ones tendencies, dispositions 

and strengths 


1. Teaching by explaining the test and filling in the test as an example 20 Minutes 

2. All students can fill up the form and do the marks and draw the graph last. 

And the evaluation of the test could be done in the next session. 

30 Minutes 

3. Summing up of the score of Spreadsheet A to Spreadsheet B 5 Minutes 

4. Drawing the graph 5 Minutes 

TEACHING: SIMPLE PERSONALITY TEST AND DESCRIPTION 1 

1. Introduce the simple personality test to all and give them instruction as it is 

said in the test form. 

Simple Personality Test and Description 

The following test provides a simple help, to identify tendencies, dispositions and strengths of an individual 

person. This might prove especially helpful within teamwork to improve mutual understanding and cooperation. 

How to do the test: In every line (A-R) of spreadsheet I distribute marks (0,1,2,3,) among the four characteristics. 

One of the four has to get the mark 0, one the mark 1, one the mark 2, one the mark 3. It is not allowed to give 

the same mark to more than one characteristic 

Mark Three (3) means: This applies to me the most. 

Mark Two (2) means: 

Mark One (1) means: 

Mark Zero (0) means: 

This applies to me the second most 

This applies to me the third most 

This applies to me the least. 

77

Spreadsheet A 

A 

Balanced, eventempered 

Independent, selfconfident 

Affectionate, 

cordially 

faithful 

B satisfied Conscientious, 

diligent, precise 

C responsible Assertive, selfassured 

Logical, clear 

Thorough, 

thoroughgoing 

Committed, 

dedicated 

Open-minded 

D Faithful, loyal Likeable (lovable) generous Easily enthusiastic 

E 

Able to work in a 

team, adaptable, 

Productive, 

effective 

F Reliable Aggressive, pushy, 

loves to take risks 

Accurate, careful 

Optimistic 

disciplined 

Creative, 

innovative 

G Charming Tolerant Has high ideals Outgoing, extrovert 

H 

Persevering, 

persistent 

1 Outspoken, 

forthright 

Active, energetic Analytical, smart eloquent 

courageous 

Sober, factual, 

realistic 

modest 

J peaceable Assertive Stirring, moving generous 

S 

T 

R 

E 

N 

G 

T 

H 

S 

K Original calm, winning Exact, reliable Friendly, open 

L Forbearing tolerant Risk loving accurate sacrificial 

M 

Unmotivated Timid, reserved Pedantic, nitpicking Without scruples 

N Bigheaded, arrogant Short-tempered Cunning, mean moody 

0 Domineering, 

lording it over 

P 

Easygoing, 

comfortable 

aggressive brooding, meditative gossipy 

Indecisive Critically, negative weak willed 

Q Biased, prejudiced cold-hearted Legalistic, narrowminded 

impatient 

R Fearful inapproachable Superficial inhibited 

W 

E 

A 

K 

N 

E 

S 

S 

E 

S 

78

Afterwards all marks, separately for each column, shall be summed up, with the exception of the 

following words and their concerning marks. 

Spreadsheet B 

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3 Column 4 

responsible C Conscientious, 

diligent, precise 

B 

Affectionate, 

cordially 

A faithful A 

Charming G Likeable (lovable) D generous D disciplined E 

Outspoken, 

forthright 

I Tolerant G Optimistic F modest I 

Original K Calm, winning K Stirring, moving J sacrificial L 

Domineering, 

lording it over 

Biased, 

prejudiced 

O Timid, reserved M Cunning, mean N Without scruples M 

Q Indecisive P superficial R inhibited R 

Sum 1: Sum 2: Sum 3: Sum 4: 

After that the sums of the four columns (Do not forget to skip the words of Spreadsheet B) are to be 

transferred to the diagram below on the diagonal Coordinates. For example the sum of Column 1 (Sum 

1:) will be entered on the coordinate on Sector 1 lower half, left side. Make a dot at the appropriate 

Number on each of the four lines. Now the four dots have to be connected with a line. 

The resulting square indicates the profile of a person. This will help to see, for which actions, 

responsibilities and tasks you, respectively your spouse or colleagues are more or less qualified. And it 

will help to have proper expectations from each other. 

79

TRADITIONAL type (3) INDEPENDENT type (2) 

DEVOTED type (1) FLEXIBLE type (4) 

Corrected Version, 24.03.2009, Jörg George Schori 

Source: Campus for Christ, Switzerland. This text may be copied, it is not protected. 

80


TOPIC: SIMPLE PERSONALITY TEST AND DESCRIPTION 2 


1. To share my tendencies, dispositions and strengths and to know how 

I fit with others in the group through the simple personality test. 

60 Minutes 



2. All students can share strengths and weaknesses in the group of three 

members for 10 minutes in the light of your filled graph. 

40 Minutes 

TEACHING: SIMPLE PERSONALITY TEST AND DESCRIPTION 2 

1. Conduct a plenary session before the group discussion. 

2. Encourage the group members to develop the strengths. 

3. Identify the weakness though the graph. 

4. No type is inferior or superior to one another. 

5. The greatest fact is to look into oneself with the help of simple personality test. 

The vertical Axis connects the two poles “people” and “facts”. Some people are much more orientated 

to people, they love to be with people (For example teachers, social workers, nurses) Some people are 

more orientated towards things, facts, technical devices and so on (For example scientists, 

technicians). And of course some people are anywhere in the middle. 

The horizontal Axis connects the two poles “Action” and “Reaction”. More on the action side means 

more initiative, more own ideas, more power to make something happen. But also more crudeness! 

More on the reaction side means more obedience, more loyalty, more joy in fulfilling other people’s 

plans with diligence and reliability 

The explaining table below shows for the four basic personality types the strengths, the requirements at 

their working place and the kind of tasks which fit them most. 

Example for team worker: 

The exemplary profile in this table displays the following strengths of his person: He reaches goals by 

strong commitment, is fairly fast und makes great demands on himself. Fit for new responsibilities. It 

could prove as weakness that he does not estimate close relationships and gets easily impatient. 

Tends to demand too much from other people, expects too much quality in a short time. 

General commentary: 

Probably there is no human being, who is only in one of the four sections. Everyone has characteristics 

from all four fields. But the proportions are different! But it would not make much sense, to make a goaloriented, 

self-active person responsible for book-keeping. And for the ministry of visiting people and 

missionary activities a people-orientated, extroverted personality would be much more qualified than a 

steady, persevering person, but loving to be alone and work for himself. 

81

Traditional Facts and Things Independent 

Loves Quality, reacts hoveringly 

and realistically 

Is critical and analytical, sees facts and 

details. 

Goal orientated, self-active 

Self assured, assertive, energetic, 

overcomes difficulties to achieve his 

goals. 

Loves well ordered circumstances, and 

a protected environment, exactness, 

security and personal attention. 

Loves instant results and fast 

decisions, does not like control by 

too much authority. 

R 

E 

A 

Fit for tasks with clear orders and 

expectations. Often able to control 

complicated procedures. 

Accomplishment of subtle and detailed 

works. Needs clear information, 

borders, and competences. 

Freedom and time will be used to 

achieve something – without 

anyone to tell him. 

Fit for difficult responsibilities, where 

courage and risk is required, and 

new, pioneering tasks. 

A 

C 

C 

T 

T 

I 

O 

N 

Group oriented, calm, cooperative 

Patient. A good listener. Stable and 

faithful. Effective through 

perseverance. Pacifying. 

Likes his work to be fully accepted in a 

stable environment. Needs 

opportunities to develop special skills. 

In the long run constant tasks are 

important. Needs to be recognised as 

one contributing to the general welfare 

of the group or organisation. 

Fit for limited tasks, which can be 

handled together with others. Not fit for 

constant change! 

People oriented, active and 

vigorous 

Extroverted, outgoing, expressive. 

Achieves results in cooperation with 

other people. Creative, often new 

ideas. 

Loves sociability and to be in the 

centre. Needs freedom to express 

himself and making suggestions. 

Needs people to work with. A lonely 

working place or work does not fit 

him. 

Fit for jobs where he can advise, 

teach, train, speak with people, 

motivate them 

I 

O 

N 

Devoted People Flexible 

82


TOPIC: MY STYLE AND MY TYPE WITH OTHERS 1 


1. To know my style in relation with work and relating with others. 

60 Minutes 



2. The more devoted/affiliator type, the more traditional/analyzer type, the 

more flexible/enthusiast type and the more independent/driver type can 

build groups. Each group meets in one corner. They discuss their 

experience in co working with the other 3 types in teams (church, family, 

school ….). One writes down what they like and what they dislike of the 

other three types. 

30 Minutes 

TEACHING: MY SYLE AND MY TYPE WITH OTHERS 1 

1. Highlight the difference between relation oriented and job oriented behavioural pattern and how it 

could affect a team (completion or differences). 

2. Sketch out the difference between thinkers and doers in relation of style of doing things and how it 

could affect a team (completion or differences). 

3. Explain the fours styles of persons namely driver, enthusiast, analyzer and affiliator. 

4. The matching similarities also could be brought between independent and driver, enthusiast and 

flexible, analyzer and tradition, and, affiliator and devotion. 

83

Interaction Styles 

Russell (1986) has provided a useful scheme for talking about the different ways that individuals relate 

to others at work. His analysis focuses on two aspects of team interaction style. First, is an individual 

more task-oriented or people-oriented: does a team member prefer to focus more on the job at hand or 

on relationships with co-workers? Second, is an individual more of a thinker or a doer: thinkers are 

reflective about their work whereas doers are more likely to discuss their work openly. Even though 

everyone is both task and people oriented, both a thinker and a doer, every individual strikes his or her 

own balance between these choices. This gives every team member a distinctive profile. 

thinker 

doer 

Relation -orientated 

job – orientated 

If this is a member's profile 

then this is the 

member's style 

Potential 

Strengths 

Potential Weaknesses 

A take-charge person exerts 

strong influence to get things 

done, focuses on results. 

A social specialist, expresses 

opinions and emotions easily; 

prefers strong interaction with 

people 

Likes to be well organized and 

thought out; prefers specific 

project and activities; enjoys 

putting structure to ideas 

Adaptive specialist, high 

concern for good relationships, 

seeks stability and predictability, 

wants to be part of larger picture 

DRIVER 

(independent) 

ENTHUSIAST 

(flexible) 

ANALYZER 

(traditional) 

AFFILIATOR 

(devoted) 

determined, 

requiring, thorough, 

decisive, efficient, 

direct 

personable, 

stimulating, 

enthusiastic, 

innovative 

industrious, 

persistent, serious, 

orderly, methodical 

cooperative, 

supportive, 

dependable, helpful 

dominating, 

unsympathetic, 

demanding, critical, 

impatient 

opinionated, 

undependable, 

reactionary 

indecisive, 

uncommunicative, critical 

conforming, 

uncommitted, hides true 

feelings 

Try to classify each of the members of your team / teams by filling in a name for each one and clicking 

on the category you think best describes their style. In which team you discover a lack or an 

overemphasis of a style. 

Source: http://www.slideserve.com/adele/coaching-employees, author unknown 

84


TOPIC: MY STYLE AND MY TYPE WITH OTHERS 2 


1. To know my style in relation with work and relating with others. 

60 Minutes 


1. Each of the four groups in session 4 goes again there in the corner 

and the speaker tells the other three groups about what they like and 

dislike with regard to the other three groups’ behaviour. Each group 

has 10 minutes. 

30 Minutes 

2. Each group discusses possibilities how they could help or complete the 

other three types of co workers instead of reacting negatively 

20 Minutes 

3. Plenary session and evaluation. 10 Minutes 

85



UNITS 5 - 8 PERSONALITY STRUCTURE 






4. 








86

UNITS 9 - 11 NATURAL AND SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT 

LEVEL 1: UNITS 9- 11 

NATURAL AND SPITITUAL DEVELOPMENT 


LIFE CYCLES, THE PARADOX OF GROWTH, RIPPING PROCESSES 

SESSION 1 60 

MINUTES 

NATURAL AND 

SPIRITUAL 

DEVELOPMENT, 

INTRODUCTION AND 

PERSONAL EXAMPLE 

ERIK ERICKSON’S 

THEORY OF PSYCHO- 

SOCIAL 

DEVELOPMENT. 


STAGES 1-4 

JAMES FOWLER'S 

FAITH DEVELOPMENT, 


OVERVIEW 

BREAK MINIMUM 5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 2 60 

MINUTES 


MINUTES 

SELF REFLECTION 

AND GROUP WORK: 

MY RIPENING 

PROCESS FROM 

CHILDHOOD TO 

ADULTHOOD. 

SELF REFLECTION AND 

GROUP WORK: 

MY OWN 

DEVELOPMENT 

THROUGH THE STAGES 

1-4 BY A 

DEMONSTRATION 



HOW DID MY FAITH 

DEVELOP UNTIL 

NOW? 

SESSION 3 60 

MINUTES 

HOWARD GARDNER'S 

THEORY OF MULTIPLE 

INTELLIGENCES AND 

ME 



SOCIAL 

DEVELOPMENT, 

STAGES 5-8 



WHAT ARE THE NEXT 

STEPS IN THE 

DEVELOPMENT OF MY 

FAITH ACCORDING TO 

FOWLER? 


MINUTES 

SESSION 4 60 

MINUTES 

WORK OF JEAN 

PIAGET AND 

LAWRENCE 

KOHLBERG'S STAGES 

OF MORAL 

DEVELOPMENT AND 

COUNSELLING 


GROUP WORK: 

MY OWN 

DEVELOPMENT 


5-UNTIL NOW AND MY 

EXPECTATIONS FOR 

THE FUTURE STAGES 

BY A DEMONSTRATION 

QUESTION AND 

ANSWER OR OPEN 

COUNSELLING 

SESSION AND 

EVALUATION 

87

LEVEL1 UNIT 9 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 1 

TOPIC: INTRODUCTION TO NATURAL AND SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT 


1. To introduce the natural and spiritual development to the learner 

2. To become knowledgeable about the introduction to stages of human 

development and faith development so that the counselee will have realistic 

expectations and meaningful learning experiences in life in whole. 

60 Minutes 



2. One or two Teachers tell about personal examples concerning their own 

development as humans. Especially about the ripening process from 

childhood to adulthood and transition phase from child to man or woman. 

20 Minutes 

TEACHING: NATURAL AND SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT 

INTRODUCTION: 

Focus: Knowledge of stages of human development and faith development help us to create realistic 

expectations and meaningful learning experiences for counselees. 

Goal: Become familiar with stages in the acquisition of knowledge, the construction of meaning, 

psychological and social growth, and moral and faith development. 

When we contemplate the mystery of being human, we are drawn to the story of the creation of Adam 

and Eve. Genesis 1:26, and 2:7 present to us some very important points to ponder and be thankful for: 

that God created us out of the dust of the earth, forming us as bodily creatures. Unlike any of his other 

creatures, he breathed his own life into us, thus creating us in his image and likeness. God gifted us by 

sharing some of his attributes. He made us people who can think and have a free will, to be able to 

choose. He shared with us his creative power, so that we can continue to create and procreate what he 

created out of nothing. Most importantly, he shared with us his ability to love, so that we can love him in 

return, and love all of his created world. So, man whose fullness was made manifest in Adam and Eve, 

became a being with body, mind and spirit. 

Adam and Eve were not created perfect, but with the full potential to grow towards perfection, towards 

the perfection who is God himself. After the fall, it became necessary for the Son of God, our Lord 

Jesus Christ to show us the path to perfection. In Jesus' incarnate life we see how each human being 

can develop into their full potential with which they were endowed at birth. 

Human beings have long been interested to know how all living things grew and developed. The 

ancient civilizations of the world have left their record of observations. All in their own way ascribed this 

development to the gods. The ancient Hebrews recorded theirs in their sacred writings. For them all of 

the wonders of the world had their origin in the Lord and Creator of all, as expressed in Psalm 65:10 

“You water its furrows abundantly, setting its ridges softening it with showers, and blessing its growth.” 

In our own times, beginning about 100 years ago, but especially in the last 50 years, researchers have 

studied patterns of human development, encompassing its physical, cognitive, psychological, and 

88

social aspects. This is only the beginning of the unfolding of the mystery of human growth and 

development which we, Christians treasure as the gift of God. 

As religious educators or counsellors we are called to help children and adults learn about our Christian 

faith, so that they can grow in faith. In this capacity we are sharers of our faith, companions and fellow 

travellers on a common faith journey. 

Faith is defined as the response of the whole person to come to know God, to love and to serve him. It 

must involve one's entire being, body, mind, and soul. It is important for the counsellor to understand 

the counselees he/she has to deal with. Knowing who they are, how they develop, what they are 

capable of learning and doing will enable the counsellor to put this knowledge at the service of their 

faith journey. 

We have come to learn that human growth and development is multifaceted, and is a process that is 

ongoing. It involves the gathering of knowledge, the ability to relate it to other things known, and 

choosing to do something with that knowledge. By using what we have learned and integrated we learn 

something new. This cyclical learning is the process of growth and development. 

Can these developmental sciences contribute to make the counsellor's ministry more effective? This 

question can be affirmed, since all things, including science, the inquiring human mind, are God's gift to 

us. Therefore, there need not be any contradiction between science and religion, so long as prayerfully 

we meet the challenge of knowing what God is communicating to us through the findings that science 

presents to us. 

In the following sections you will be introduced to your learners and to the continuous cycle of growth 

and development that they experience throughout their lives. You will explore this growth and 

development in three areas: 

1. How we acquire knowledge and construct meaning 

2. How we grow psychologically and in our ability to relate to others; 

3. And how we grow in our ability to think and act morally. 

Finally, we will learn how all these areas of development influence how we perceive and experience our 

faith. 

Principles of Developmental Theory 

All living things grow and develop, and when given the right conditions, will improve and move beyond 

their present state. Christians believe that this growth is the work of God. 

“And now bless the God of all, who everywhere works great wonders, who fosters our growth from 

birth" Sirach 50:22 

• Developmental theory is valued because of the insights it offers. Yet we must be vigilant in 

translating some of its assumptions. For example: 

• Development assumes that there is a certain direction in which this movement occurs. Some imply 

from this that a higher stage of development is better than a lower one. 

• Christians, however, do not believe that a person at a lower stage of development is any better in 

quality than at a higher stage. A person who is older, smarter, or stronger than someone else does 

89

not possess greater dignity or human value. 

• Our dignity comes from having been created in the image and likeness of God. 

• Some theorists view the stages of development as very predictable and identifiable through which 

people pass in similar sequence. 

• While we affirm the predictable stages of development, we must also remember that God gifts 

everyone with his/her own unique journey. 

• We must continue to use insights of the human sciences in our Christian education effort without 

being overly committed to one theory, but looking everywhere for scientific insights that can assist 

us in counselling and teaching. 

90


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

MY RIPENING PROCESS FROM THE CHILDHOOD TO THE ADULTHOOD 


1. To realise the ripening process from the childhood to the adulthood in your life. 

2. To witness the changes taking place from the role of a child to the role as a man 

or woman through your personal examples in your life. 

3. Realise the need of getting counselling and giving counselling in the period of 

ripening process in ones life. 


1. In groups of three members, we do self-evaluation. 

• Each member can share a critical occasion or an acute stressful incident 

you faced in the ripening process from childhood to adulthood. 

• Each one can share things in accordance with the transition phase 

from child to man or woman 

40 Minutes 

2. Plenary session to collate ideas. 20 Minutes 

91


TOPIC: HOWARD GARDNER’S THEORY OF MULTIPLE INTELLIGENCES. 


1. To understand the theory of multiple intelligences in a person according to 

Howard Gardner. 

2. To become familiar in ones own life about the multiple types of capabilities and 

resources in a person due to multiple intelligence. 

60 Minutes 



2. All could share in groups of three members ones views regarding the input: 

For the sharing use the questions given under discussion and application. 

25 Minutes 

3. Plenary to collate the sharing. 10 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

HOWARD GARDNER’S THEORY OF MULTIPLE INTELLIGENCES. 

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cavite_Institute author unknown 

Howard Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences describes the bio-physical potentials in our learners. 

Howard Gardner believes that there are more ways of knowing which he describes as multiple 

intelligences: 

 

Linguistic intelligence is used when reading, storytelling, working on word games. 

This intelligence has to do with words, spoken or written. People with high verbal-linguistic intelligence 

display a facility with words and languages. They are typically good at reading, writing, telling stories 

and memorizing words along with dates. They tend to learn best by reading, taking notes, listening to 

lectures, and discussion and debate. They are also frequently skilled at explaining, teaching and oration 

or persuasive speaking. Those with verbal-linguistic intelligence learn foreign languages very easily as 

they have high verbal memory and recall, and an ability to understand and manipulate syntax and 

structure. 

This intelligence is highest in writers, lawyers, philosophers, journalists, politicians, poets, and teachers. 

 

Logical Mathematical intelligence is involved in problems of logic, board games, and category 

and pattern activities. 

This area of intelligence has to do with logic, abstractions, reasoning, and numbers. While it is often 

assumed that those with this intelligence naturally excel in mathematics, chess, computer programming 

and other logical or numerical activities, a more accurate definition places emphasis on traditional 

mathematical ability and more reasoning capabilities, abstract patterns of recognition, scientific thinking 

and investigation, and the ability to perform complex calculations. It correlates strongly with traditional 

concepts of "intelligence" or IQ. 

Many scientists, mathematicians, engineers, doctors and economists function in this type of 

92

intelligence. 

 

Musical intelligence is used in making and listening to music. 

This area has to do with rhythm, music, and hearing. Those who have a high level of musical-rhythmic 

intelligence display greater sensitivity to sounds, rhythms, tones, and music. They normally have good 

pitch and may even have absolute pitch, and are able to sing, play musical instruments, and compose 

music. Since there is a strong auditory component to this intelligence, those who are strongest in it may 

learn best via lecture. In addition, they will often use songs or rhythms to learn and memorize 

information, and may work best with music playing in the background. 

Careers that suit those with this intelligence include instrumentalists, singers, conductors, disc jockeys, 

orators, writers (to a certain extent), composers, and sales reps. 

 

Spatial intelligence is needed for art, making models, diagrams, maps. 

This area has to do with vision and spatial judgment. People with strong visual-spatial intelligence are 

typically very good at visualizing and mentally manipulating objects. Those with strong spatial 

intelligence are often proficient at solving puzzles. They have a strong visual memory and are often 

artistically inclined. Those with visual-spatial intelligence also generally have a very good sense of 

direction and may also have very good hand-eye coordination. 

Careers that suit those with this intelligence include artists, engineers, and architects. 

Bodily Kinesthetic intelligence is used in motor skills, bodily movement, "hands-on" activities. In 

this intelligence, people are generally good at physical activities such as sports or dance. They enjoy 

building and making things. They often enjoy learning something physically, rather than reading or 

hearing about it. 

Careers that suit those with this intelligence include athletes, dancers, actors, surgeons, 

doctors, builders, and soldiers. 

 

Interpersonal intelligence is used for leadership, caring activities, role-playing, working with 

others, and drama. 

This area has to do with interaction with others. In theory, people who have a high interpersonal 

intelligence tend to be extroverts, characterized by their sensitivity to others' moods, feelings, 

temperaments and motivations, and their ability to cooperate in order to work as part of a group. They 

communicate effectively and empathize easily with others, and may be either leaders or followers. They 

typically learn best by working with others and often enjoy discussion and debate. 

Careers that suit those with this intelligence include sales, politicians, managers, teachers, and social 

workers. 

 

Intrapersonal intelligence is needed for organizing activities, goal setting, deadlines, and selfevaluation. 

This area has to do with introspective and self-reflective capacities. Those who are strongest in this 

intelligence are typically introverts and prefer to work alone. They are usually highly self-aware and 

capable of understanding their own emotions, goals and motivations. They often have an affinity for 

thought-based pursuits such as philosophy. They learn best when allowed to concentrate on the 

subject by themselves. There is often a high level of perfectionism associated with this intelligence. 

Careers that suit those with this intelligence include philosophers, psychologists, theologians, writers, 

93

counsellors, consultants and scientists. 

 

Naturalistic intelligence is used for the human ability to discriminate among living things (plants, 

animals) as well as sensitivity to other features of the natural world (clouds, rock configurations). 

This area has to do with nature, nurturing and relating information to one's natural surroundings. This 

type of intelligence was not part of Gardner's original theory of Multiple Intelligences, but was added to 

the theory in 1997. Those with it are said to have greater sensitivity to nature and their place within it, 

the ability to nurture and grow things, and greater ease in caring for, taming and interacting with 

animals. They may also be able to discern changes in weather or similar fluctuations in their natural 

surroundings. Recognizing and classifying things are at the core of a naturalist. They must connect a 

new experience with prior knowledge to truly learn something new. 

"Naturalists" learn best when the subject involves collecting and analyzing, or is closely related to 

something prominent in nature; they also don't enjoy learning unfamiliar or seemingly useless subjects 

with little or no connections to nature. It is advised that naturalistic learners would learn more through 

being outside or in a kinesthetic way. 

The theory behind this intelligence is often criticized, much like the spiritual or existential intelligence 

(see below), as it is seen by many as not indicative of an intelligence but rather an interest. 

Careers that suit those with this intelligence include scientists, naturalists, conservationists, gardeners 

and farmers. 

 

Other intelligences 

Other intelligences have been suggested or explored by Gardner and his colleagues, including spiritual, 

existential and moral intelligence. Gardner excluded spiritual intelligence due to what he perceived as 

the inability to codify criteria comparable to the other "intelligences". Existential intelligence (the 

capacity to raise and reflect on philosophical questions about life, death, and ultimate realities) meets 

most of the criteria with the exception of identifiable areas of the brain that specialize for this faculty. 

Moral capacities were excluded because they are normative rather than descriptive. 

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cavite_Institute author unknown 

Discussion & Application: 

 

 

 

Which of these do you think is the primary way you assimilate knowledge? Which is the primary 

way you express knowledge? 

Which of these ways is used most often in teaching Scripture to children and youth or counselees? 

What might be some benefits to incorporating theories of multiple intelligences into Scripture 

teaching or counselling? 

94


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

PIAGET’S HUMAN DEVELOPMENT AND 

KOHLBERG'S MORAL DEVELOPMENT AND COUNSELLING 


1. Learn to know the stages of moral development by Kohlberg’s. 

2. Learn to know the process of human knowing by Piaget 

3. Realise the merit of knowing Piaget’s human development and Kohlberg’s 

moral development in getting and giving counselling. 


1. Teaching of Kohlberg’s stages of Moral Development 30 Minutes 

2. Plenary to collate the sharing of ones views regarding the input. 

For the sharing use the question given under discussion and 

application of Kohlberg’s stages 

20 Minutes 


TEACHING: PIAGET’S HUMAN DEVELOPMENT AND KOHLBERG'S MORAL DEVELOPMENT 

The Process of Human Knowing: 

The Work of Jean Piaget 

The theory of cognitive development is concerned with how we grow in the ways we perceive, think 

about, and understand ourselves and our world. Jean Piaget's Theory of Cognitive Development 

provides insight into intellectual growth. His work focused not in what or how much one knows, but how 

one comes to know, and how that process changes as we grow. Piaget described cognitive learning as 

a struggle between existing ways of thinking and new insights. 

As learners interact with what is around them they assimilate new understandings into what they 

already know. When a new situation does not fit their previous understanding, they either reshape their 

categories of knowledge, or create new ones. Piaget identified four stages: 

1. The Sensory- Motor Period (Birth - 24 months) 

2. The Period of Preoperational Thought. This level describes an individual, usually a child between 

the ages of 2-6, who thinks in vivid, concrete images, and who cannot make connection between 

statements. 

3. The Period of Concrete Operations describes a learner, approximately 7-10 years of age, who 

still thinks in clear, concrete images, but is better able to distinguish fantasy and reality. 

For this age group stories filled with concrete images is the best way to teach. Meaning is still 

hidden in the story; the child cannot draw it out. 

Children at this age cannot move from the specific to the general. 

Therefore, it is futile to ask them what the story means. Rather, invite them to talk about the story in 

ways they can understand. You may ask them to describe what is happening, who their favourite 

character is, how the story makes them feel. 

95

At this stage, they are learning the story, and will imitate the story. Then, as they grow they will 

imagine themselves in relation to the story, finally they will be able to infer its meaning. 

4. The Period of Formal Operations describes a person at approximately ages 11-15 years, who has 

developed the ability to draw conclusions from concrete facts, and the ability to extract meaning 

from them. 

With formal operational thinking, an adolescent can understand meaning questions as adults do. 

In religious terms, at this stage capability for discipleship develops. The adolescent can see 

meaning and value in the message of Jesus. 


• Describe how students or counselees at the Pre-operational, Concrete, and Formal Operational 

stages might be expected to respond to the story of Daniel in the lion's den. 

• What are some problems Sunday school teachers, parents or counsellors might face without an 

understanding of the difference between Concrete and Formal Operations stages? 

• Why is it valuable for learners at a concrete level of thinking to hear, retell, and play out the same 

Scripture stories over and over again? 

• Why is it important to encourage students or counselees to explain their perceptions of objects and 

situations? 

Learning to Love 

Moral reasoning and decision making is another ability which humans develop using their abilities to 

know (cognition) and to relate (affective/relational). Children and adults decide and choose everyday 

how to live their lives. Children's ability to make moral decisions is affected by their cognitive and 

affective skills. 

The religious educator's and the counsellor’s goal is to lead the learner or counselee to make moral 

decisions, and live with justice and care according to God's standard in the world. 

Lawrence Kohlberg's Stages of Moral Development 

Piaget had theorized about the moral development of children. Kohlberg built on Piaget's work. Using 

an all male sample to whom he posed a series of moral dilemmas, Kohlberg identified six stages of 

moral reasoning based on their responses. 

Pre-conventional Stage 

1. Fear of punishment: This is the level of a very young child whose decision making is based on self 

centred motivations, namely fear of punishment, or self interest 

2. Reciprocity: Satisfaction of own needs; "I'll do this, if you return the favour." 

Conventional Stage 

3. Desire for approval: At this level the individual takes into account the community and its rules 

(conventions), as well as the feelings of others. Motivated by desire for acceptance. 

4. Law and order: There is a desire to be seen as good persons by others or by age 9-10 come to 

appreciate the value of rules to maintain order in a community. 

Post conventional Stage 

5. Commitment to the common good: Individual is able to decide based on principles of justice and 

other criteria. 

6. At this stage the person is able to move beyond concrete conventions of society, and become able 

to abstract, form the notion that there are principles behind society's laws which should be followed. 

Ideas of social contract, personal rights. Universal ethical principles: Continued development in this 

level may lead to choices of good in spite of a particular law, which is considered to be 

96

unjust (conscientious objector). 

Kohlberg's theories are based on reasoning and logic; they assume a certain level of development of 

the ability to know (cognition) as basis to moral decision making. 

Even though all the levels are related to age and how well cognition is developed, age is necessary but 

not a sufficient indicator of movement between stages. Some become frozen at a particular level, and 

not move from there for many years. It is believed that there is a rhythm of a period of stability followed 

by a crisis that moves the person to the next stage. 

Carol Gilligan's new research indicates that in moral decision making women are motivated by care and 

concern for the physical and psychological well being of others as well as by what is just. 

Some implications: 

• Imagination is another useful tool in arriving at moral choices. 

• As children and adults are attracted to stories of moral courage and goodness, they begin to 

imagine other ways of living their own lives. 

• Activities that do not force them too quickly to choose a course of action, but rather to imagine and 

try on a number of alternatives before choosing are helpful in developing this tool. 

• Knowing what is right does not guarantee that we will do what is right. 

• Practise with "doing good" helps moral growth: posing moral dilemmas and inviting learners to think 

through their actions are useful. 

• Giving learners the experience of doing good allows them to learn what good actions feel like. 

• Goal of counselling is to develop faith that is living, conscious, and active, to help counselees not 

only to think morally, but to act with justice and care. 

• Witnessing this moral development in the counselee as they grow in their capacity to live Christ-like 

is the motivating factor to continue in the counselling ministry. 


• Discuss ways in which older and younger children and adults may respond differently to moral 

conflict. 

• How can you counsel adults who are stuck in the Pre-Conventional or Conventional stage? 

o What are the possibilities? 

o What are the pitfalls? 

• Describe a practical activity to help counselees think in a new way or from a different perspective. 

(Hint: Remember the list of Gardner's multiple intelligences) 

• What are some ways to encourage counselees' developing decision-making skills? 

97

UNIT 10 LIFE CYCLES, THE PARADOX OF GROWTH AND RIPPING PROCESS 2 





SESSION 1 60 

MINUTES 

NATURAL AND 

SPIRITUAL 

DEVELOPMENT, 





SOCIAL 

DEVELOPMENT. 


STAGES 1-4 




OVERVIEW 


MINUTES 

SESSION 2 60 

MINUTES 


MINUTES 



MY RIPENING 

PROCESS FROM 

CHILDHOOD TO 

ADULTHOOD. 


GROUP WORK: 

MY OWN 

DEVELOPMENT 


1-4 BY A 

DEMONSTRATION 




DEVELOP UNTIL 

NOW? 

SESSION 3 60 

MINUTES 




ME 



SOCIAL 

DEVELOPMENT, 

STAGES 5-8 




STEPS IN THE 



FOWLER? 


MINUTES 

SESSION 4 60 

MINUTES 

WORK OF JEAN 

PIAGET AND 

LAWRENCE 


OF MORAL 


COUNSELLING 


GROUP WORK: 

MY OWN 

DEVELOPMENT 






QUESTION AND 


COUNSELLING 

SESSION AND 

EVALUATION 

98


TOPIC: INTRODUCTION AND STAGES 1 TO 4 OF PSYCHO-SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT 

BY ERIK ERICKSON’S THEORY 


1. To introduce the stages of psycho-social development by Erik Erickson’s theory 

to the learner 

2. To study the stages from one to four of psychosocial development by Erik. 

3. We will study the stages from one to four by Erik in the third session. 

4. To become knowledgeable about the various stages of psycho social 

development so as the counselee will have realistic expectations and 

meaningful learning experiences in life in oneself and in others. 

60 Minutes 



2. All could share in groups of three members their self evaluation 

regarding the heard input on psychosocial development with 

personal example. 

3. For your better sharing you could tell about your development in the 

first four stages generally. Then compare it with the result or failure, 

and crisis in various stages developed by Erik. 

30 Minutes 

TEACHING: ERIK ERICKSON’S THEORY ON PSYCHO-SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT 

INTRODUCTION: RELATING TO OTHERS 

God intended for human beings to be in relationship with one another. For this, Adam was given his 

companion, Eve. With the divine command to increase and multiply, Adam and Eve were to live in 

community. Understanding how people grow in their ability to relate to others and live in community is 

an important part of growing in faith. Erik Erikson's theory of psycho-social development is an important 

step in that understanding. 

Erik Erikson's Theory of Psycho-Social Development 

Erik Erikson's work presents us with a model of psycho-social growth as it develops throughout the life 

cycle. Erikson developed his theory in the 1950's with eight stages of sequential growth. 

He described these stages beginning with a challenge created both by the individual's physical growth 

and his interaction with the world around him. Each challenge successfully met would lead to the 

development of a virtue important to human growth, becoming the strength of the next stage. A 

challenge met unsuccessfully can become the liability or weakness of the next stage. 

EXAMPLE: An adolescent faces the challenge of discovering his own unique identity, come to a sense 

of self. It is a time of probing, and anxious self-reflection. If the adolescent cannot meet this life passage 

well, often he/she will experience what Erikson called an identity crisis. If a sound sense of self is not 

developed at this stage, the ability to move confidently to later stages with challenges of forming 

intimate relationships, generative care for others will be impaired. 

The stages in Erikson's theory show a pattern of development that begins at birth, and continues 

99

throughout life as a person matures. None of the stages is a destination in and of itself; rather, it is a 

passage as growth continues. Erikson believes that even if the challenge of one stage is successfully 

met, one never experiences its fullness. Individuals may continue to deepen and widen the experience 

of each stage, supporting the Biblical vision that humans like Christ continue to grow in wisdom, age, 

and grace (Luke 2:52) 

Stages of Development 

Stage Name and age range Psychosocial crisis Hoped-for result 

1 Infancy Birth to 1.5 years Trust versus mistrust Hope 

2 Early childhood 1.5 to 3 

years 

Autonomy versus shame, doubt 

Will 

3 Play age 3 to 5 years Initiative versus guilt Purpose 

4 School age 5 to 12 years Industry versus inferiority Competence 

5 Adolescence 12 to 18 years Identity and repudiation versus 

identity confusion 

Fidelity 

6 Young adulthood 18 to 25 

years 

Intimacy and solidarity versus 

isolation 

Love 

7 Maturity 25 to 65 years Generative versus self absorption 

and stagnation 

Care 

8 Old age 65+ years Integrity versus despair Wisdom 

100

Details of the Stages of Development form Richard Niolon, Ph.D. 

stage Psychosocial Crisis Age Hoped for 

Result 

1 Basic Trust vs. 

Mistrust 

Result after Failing 

0-1 Hope Dependency or Paranoia 

 

 

When the parents present consistent, adequate, and nurturing care, the child develops 

basic trust and realizes that people are dependable and the world can be a safe place. The 

child develops a sense of hope and confidence; this is a belief that things will work out well 

in the end 

when the parents fail to provide these things, the child develops basic mistrust, resulting in 

depression, withdrawal, and maybe even paranoia 

2 Autonomy vs. Shame 

& Doubt 

 

 

2-3 Will Obsessive/Impulsive or Avoidant 

If parents guide children gradually and firmly, praise and accept attempts to be independent, 

autonomy develops. The result will be a sense of will which helps us accomplish and build 

self-esteem as children and adults 

If parents are too permissive, harsh, or demanding, the child can feel defeated, and 

experience extreme shame and doubt, and grow up to engage in neurotic attempts to 

regain feelings of control, power, and competency. This may take the form of obsessive 

behaviour; if you follow all rules exactly then you will never be ashamed again. If the child is 

given no limits or guidance, the child can fail to gain any shame or doubt and be impulsive. 

Some is good, as it causes us to question the outcome of our actions, and consider others' 

well-being. This may also result in Avoidance; if you never allow yourself to be close to 

others, they can never make you feel ashamed 

3 Initiative vs. Guilt 4-5 Purpose Constricted or Antisocial/Narcissistic 

 

 

 

The child becomes curious about people and models adults. Erickson believed the child 

does attempt to possess the opposite sex parent and experience rivalry toward the same 

sex parent; however, a true Oedipal Complex only develops in very severe cases 

if parents are understanding and supportive of a child's efforts to show initiative, the child 

develops purpose, and sets goals and acts in ways to reach them 

if children are punished for attempts to show initiative, they are likely to develop a sense of 

guilt, which in excess can lead to inhibition. Too much purpose and no guilt can lead to 

ruthlessness; the person may achieve their goals without caring who they step on in the 

process 

4 Industry vs. Inferiority 6-12 Competency Helplessness or Shallowness 

101

Occurs during Latency, but Erickson did not think this was a rest period; the child begins 

school and must tame imagination and impulses, and please others. If adults support the 

child's efforts, a sense of competence develops 

If caretakers do not support the child, feelings of inferiority are likely to develop. Too much 

inferiority, and inertia or helplessness occurs (underachievers). Too much competency and 

the child becomes an adult too fast, and develops either into a Histrionic or Shallow person 

One way to divide Erikson's stages is into two groups of four -- the first four have to do with figuring out 

the world, the last four with figuring out yourself 

5 Identity vs. Role 

Confusion 

13- 

19 

Fidelity 

Identity Diffusion or Fanaticism 

 

 

 

Young adults attempt to develop identity and ideas about strengths, weaknesses, goals, 

occupations, sexual identity, and gender roles. Teens "try on" different identities, going 

through an identity crisis, and use their friends to reflect back to them. Marcia offers four 

resolutions: Identity Achievement (crises and commitment), Moratorium (crises and 

commitment later), Foreclosure (commitment without crises), and Identity Diffusion (no 

crises, no commitment) 

if they resolve this crisis, they develop fidelity, "the ability to sustain loyalties freely pledged 

in spite of the inevitable contradictions of value systems" (can be friends with very different 

people) 

if they fail to resolve the crisis, they develop identity diffusion; their sense of self is 

unstable and threatened; too little identity and they may join cults or hate groups, too much 

identity and they may show fanaticism 

6 Intimacy vs. Isolation 20- 

24 

Love 

Promiscuity or Exclusion 

 

Intimacy is the ability to be close, loving, and vulnerable with romances and friends. It is 

based in part upon identity development, in that you have to know yourself to share it. The 

virtue gained here is love. Failure to develop intimacy can lead to promiscuity (getting too 

close too quick and not sustaining it), or exclusion (rejecting relationships and those who 

have them 

7 Generativity vs. 

Stagnation 

25- 

64 

Care 

Stagnation or Overextension 

 

 

if you have a strong sense of creativity, success, and of having "made a mark" you develop 

generativity, and are concerned with the next generation; the virtue is called care, and 

represents connection to generations to come, and a love given without expectations of a 

specific return 

adults that do not feel this develop a sense of stagnation, are self-absorbed, feel little 

connection to others, and generally offer little to society; too much stagnation can lead to 

rejectivity and a failure to feel any sense of meaning (the unresolved mid-life crises), and 

too much generativity leads to overextension (someone who has no time for themselves 

because they are so busy) 

102

8 Ego Integrity vs. 

Despair 

65-? Wisdom Presumption or Disdain 

 

 

This entails facing the ending of life, and accepting successes and failures, ageing, and loss. 

People develop ego integrity and accept their lives if they succeed, and develop a sense of 

wisdom a "detached concern with life itself in the face of death itself" 

those who do not feel a sense of despair and dread their death; it's too late to change their 

lives (Ebenezer Scrooge just managed to avoid it) Too much wisdom leads to presumption, 

too much despair to a disdain for life 

Source: http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/person/erikson.html Author : Richard Niolon, Ph.D. 

Practical Insights for counsellors 

• Awareness of life cycles helps you understand the needs of your counselees. 

• Counselling issues that are sensitive to the needs of the learners will lead them in the path to 

discipleship and stewardship. In helping, them we also advance in our own spiritual journey. 

Becoming aware of the world around us moves us to a growing concern and care for others. 

The task of the counsellor is to foster awareness to care for all God's creation, which is Jesus' 

invitation to all his followers. 

• Each age of our lives holds the potential for religious conversion. Through God's grace, we are 

given the opportunity to turn each crises of human life into a moment of growth. 

• As counsel, you mediate and facilitate God's in breaking at opportune times in the faith journeys 

of your learners. 


Which stages will describe most of your counselees? What are the most important issues for 

younger students? For adolescents and teens? 

Interacting with others is a primary method by which we draw meaning from what we know. 

Describe a time when you have gained insight through interacting with others. 

How about you? How did you got through the different stages? What stage was successfully done? 

What stage left you with some weaknesses? How could you work on that? 

103

LEVEL 1 UNIT10 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2 

60 Minutes 

TOPIC: SELF REFLECTION AND GROUP WORK: 

MY OWN DEVELOPMENT THROUGH THE STAGES 1-4 



1. To see a guided self reflection session in which the development and struggles 

within the first four stages will be explored. 

2. To realise the psychosocial changes in your age between the birth to 

12 years old through your personal examples in your life. 


psychosocial development in ones life. 


1. Trainer can be leader, any student can do the self reflection, and the others 

can be observers. 

• The leader will lead through the reflection of the first four stages with 

questions. 

• The goal of the session will be to find out the success and the failings 

done during the first 12 years in the light of development made by Erik 

Erickson. 

40 Minutes 

2. Plenary for feedback session to collate ideas. 20 Minutes 

104


TOPIC: STAGES 5 TO 8 OF PSYCHO-SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT 

BY ERIK ERICKSON’S THEORY. 


1. To learn the stages from five to eight of psycho-social development by 

Erik Erickson’s theory to the learner 

2. To become knowledgeable about the various stages of psycho social 

development so as the counselee will have realistic expectations and 

meaningful learning experiences in life in oneself and in others. 

60 Minutes 




regarding the input on psychosocial development with 

personal example. 

3. For your better sharing you could tell about your development in the 

stages five and more generally. Then compare it with the result or failure, 

and crisis in various stages developed by Erik. 

30 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

STAGES 5 TO 8 OF PSYCHO-SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT BY ERIK ERICKSON’S THEORY. 

NB: THE NOTES ARE GIVEN IN THE SESSION 1 

105


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

SELF REFLECTION AND GROUP WORK: 

MY OWN DEVELOPMENT THROUGH THE STAGES 5-UNTIL NOW 

AND MY EXPECTATIONS FOR THE FUTURE STAGES BY A DEMONSTRATION 


1. To see a guided self reflection session in which the development and struggles 

within the age of above 13 years. 

2. To realise the psychosocial changes in your age above 13 years old through 

your personal examples in your life. 


psychosocial development in ones life. 


1. Trainer can be leader, any student can do the self reflection, and the others 

can be observers. 

• The leader will lead through the reflection of the stages five and more with 

questions. 

• The goal of the session will be to find out the success and the failings 

done during the stages five and more in the light of development made 

by Erik Erickson. 

• Also a goal will be set to find out realistic expectations concerning the future 

development 

40 Minutes 

2. Plenary for feedback session to collate ideas. 20 Minutes 

106

UNIT 11: LIFE CYCLES, THE PARADOX OF GROWTH AND RIPPING PROCESS 3 





SESSION 1 60 

MINUTES 

NATURAL AND 

SPIRITUAL 

DEVELOPMENT, 





SOCIAL 

DEVELOPMENT. 


STAGES 1-4 




OVERVIEW 


MINUTES 

SESSION 2 60 

MINUTES 


MINUTES 



MY RIPENING 

PROCESS FROM 

CHILDHOOD TO 

ADULTHOOD. 


GROUP WORK: 

MY OWN 

DEVELOPMENT 


1-4 BY A 

DEMONSTRATION 




DEVELOP UNTIL 

NOW? 

SESSION 3 60 

MINUTES 




ME 



SOCIAL 

DEVELOPMENT, 

STAGES 5-8 




STEPS IN THE 



FOWLER? 


MINUTES 

SESSION 4 60 

MINUTES 

WORK OF JEAN 

PIAGET AND 

LAWRENCE 


OF MORAL 


COUNSELLING 


GROUP WORK: 

MY OWN 

DEVELOPMENT 






QUESTION AND 


COUNSELLING 

SESSION AND 

EVALUATION 

107


TOPIC: INTRODUCTION AND OVERVIEW 

ON FAITH DEVELOPMENT BY JAMES FOWLER 


1. To introduce the stages of faith development in a person by James Fowler. 

2. To know the transition of faith level from one to another developing 

Stage in a person. 

3. To become knowledgeable about the various stages of faith development 

so as the counselee will have realistic expectations and meaningful learning 

experiences in life in oneself and in others. 

108 

60 Minutes 



2. During the teaching the students try to evaluate their own stage of faith and 

how it developed 


regarding the heard input on faith development with personal example. 

20 Minutes 

TEACHING: FAITH DEVELOPMENT BY JAMES FOWLER 

INTRODUCTION: Growing in Faith 

We have looked at how humans develop in their cognitive, psycho-social, and moral thinking and doing 

skills. We also grow in the way we perceive and express our faith. Human growth in all of its aspects, 

physical, emotional, and intellectual, offers avenues to deepen our relationship with God. 

James Fowler's work offers us valuable insights into the idea of faith development. His work along with 

other theorists reflects a movement from dependence and imitation, to growing independence as a 

person grows into discipleship and stewardship. 

Movement through the stages of faith development is affected by one's cognitive, psychosocial and 

moral growth. Each stage is real and authentic, and each invites the person to holiness. 

Fowler believes that each person is endowed at birth with the gift of faith, the potential to have faith in 

someone or something. For us it is religious faith. The goal of Christian Education is to encourage the 

person to grow in faith in the One true God revealed to us through Jesus Christ. 

Fowler's work is built on the works of Piaget, and Kohlberg, with whom he studied. His stages describe 

a faith that evolves from birth through adult life. Each stage describes how we look at our relationship 

with God. 

Undifferentiated, or Pre-stage 

The state of primal faith begins in infancy. The child develops the basic trust that one's caregivers and 

the world are reliable. This serves as the foundation for all the other stages. If this opportunity is lost, it 

can later be gained, but with much difficulty. 

Intuitive-Projective faith 

This is the stage of imaginative faith, the state most common in early childhood, faith that is stimulated 

by stories, gestures, and symbols. The child is not yet controlled by logical thinking. Lasting images of 

God can be formed influenced by stories, and attitudes the child can learn from parents and others 

around him.

The material below is printed by permission. It is compiled by Bill Alphin in “Key Elements of Discipleship Development”, April 

24, 2007, and based on the work of Jame s Fowler as it is described in the LEAD book Faith Passages and Patterns by 

Thomas A. Droege (Philadelphia, Fortress Press, 1983 

Factors which affect this expression of 

faith 

Implications: 

1. Remember random segments of stories. 1. Tell simple, single-focused stories. 

2. Cannot always distinguish fact from fantasy. 2. Listen carefully to detect points of confusion. 

3. Lack abstract reasoning skills. 3. Don’t teach abstract ideas that will be misunderstood 

and will need to be unlearned later. 

4. Are fragile and have limits. 4. Know and respect their abilities and limits. 

5. Trust adults, usually. 5. Don’t take advantage of their trust by over-teaching. 

6. View God as a friend to be talked to. 6. Seek opportunities for spontaneous free prayer to 

God. 

7. Learn best through actions of others (more 

so than words.) 

7. Exemplify God’s love and acceptance. 

Mythic-Literal Faith 

The concrete faith of the school-aged child is characterized by a realistic outlook and an appreciation of 

narrative, as the child tries to make sense of the world. On the cognitive level, the child begins to sort 

out what is real, and what is magical or make believe. On the relational side child is able to move 

beyond his/her own concern and take on the perspective of others. Storytelling helps children make 

sense of things as they work to find their own place in the great story of salvation. 

Factors which affect this expression of faith 

Implications: 

1. Tend to seek justice and revenge (Old Testament 

stories are popular). 

1. Tell stories that present a positive image of 

God’s action. 

2. Attracted by law more than gospel. 2. Present carefully concepts like forgiveness, 

stewardship, and concern for others who are not 

present. 

3. Lack the ability to reflect on the spiritual meanings 

of stories; tend to understand only the literal story 

line. 

3. Choose stories that have clear messages; 

avoid adding moralisms. 

4. Look to others as models of Christian behaviour. 4. Tell stories about and invite people who do 

exemplary acts. 

5. Have a need to belong. 5. Involve them with many people of the parish. 

6. Tend to focus on God as a loving Father for their 

own personal lives. 

7. Are growing in awareness of the purpose of 

Jesus’ life. 

6. Provide opportunities for prayer, private 

devotions, and worship. 

7. Teach carefully the distinction between God in 

general and Jesus in particular. 

109

Synthetic-Conventional Faith 

Capability to think abstractly opens possibilities to look at faith in a new and profound way. The 

adolescent begins to see relationships among various parts of the faith story. Synthetic here means 

that everything is ordered according to some plan. The authority of believing adults becomes very 

important at this stage. The adolescent will accept and agree to what everyone else accepts, and will 

conform to the opinions of those whom he/she respects, especially peers. This is why the term 

conventional is used. As trusted authority figures and peers mirror to the adolescent what he/she 

chooses to believe and value, the faith identity of the young adolescent gradually is being formed. This 

stage may come to full development as early as age 17 or 18, or it may extend well into adulthood. 

Some adults may never grow out of this stage. 

Factors which affect this expression of 

Implications: 

faith 

1. Can begin to think abstractly. 1. Encourage their developing ability to questions and 

think for themselves. 

2. Desire organized patterns of thinking. 2. Provide increasingly complex ideas to fit their 

expanding world. 

3. Have a quest for religious knowledge. 3. Recognize their growing understanding of God as a 

personal friend and adviser. 

4. Can articulate what they have been taught, 

but are not able to develop their own point of 

view. 

4. Help them feel good about what they know. Use 

factual information and encourage the expression of 

opinions. 

5. Need acceptance and self-esteem. 5. Affirm and encourage them as individuals and stress 

God’s grace. 

6. Look for identify from others; peers are 

important. 

6. Give special attention to relationship building. Use 

group oriented teaching styles such as teamwork, 

projects, and so forth. 

7. Have strong feelings of trust. 7. Encourage their prayer and devotional life. 

8. Are easily indoctrinated. 8. Don’t take advantage of their willingness to rely on 

authorities. 

9. Express your own Christian witness and faith 

experiences. Help them see the faith experience of 

other Christians. 

Individuative-Reflective Faith 

Young adults can relocate the source of authority from outside to inside themselves. They begin to 

reflect critically on their own beliefs. For the first time they may have a sense that their faith is owned by 

them. In this stage the young adult will need to ask hard questions, and deal with the conflicts that may 

have arisen from the contradictory expectations and demand of the various groups of authority in 

his/her life. This is the stage at which great study may be required as one appropriates the faith 

accepted in the previous stage. 

110


Factors which affect this 

expression of faith 

Implications: 

1. Establish a personal identity. 1. Recognize that traditional values and ideas may be rejected. 

2. Seek independence. 2. Encourage their personal reflective thinking. 

3. Trust their own intellectual 

ability. 

4. Are concerned about 

individuality. 

3. Listen to the challenges, questions, and ideas, which come in 

searching for a personal expression of faith. 

4. Affirm, accept, and support them as individuals. 

5. Like to debate or argue points of 

conviction. 

6. Are confronted by conflicting 

authorities. 

5. Use group processes which encourage personal reflection, 

challenging and questioning one another, comparing and 

contrasting information, and sharing ideas. 

6. Help them think about their faith and sort through the various 

messages they receive. 

7. Engage in objective reflection. 7. Present a wide range of topics and issues, and encourage 

dialogue. 

Conjunctive Faith 

8. Express your own Christian witness in open and non-judgmental 

ways. 

In mid-life or beyond, adults become increasingly reflective, and will eventually confront the paradoxes 

of life and faith and learn to live within them. They will learn that not every question has an attainable 

answer, and there is wisdom and sometimes joy in the questions themselves. 

111


Implications: 

1. Seek interchange with others. 1. Be prepared for questions, which explore the 

paradoxes and tensions of faith. 

2. Have confidence in own positions and 

convictions. 

2. Encourage reflective sharing of personal faith-life 

stories, including defeats and commitments. 

3. Are non-judgemental. 3. Encourage “critical” questions about inherited 

traditions, symbols of faith, and so forth. 

4. Search for meanings and revelation in such 

things as symbols, rituals, and life experiences. 

4. Invite struggle with mid-life issues of shattered 

dreams, limits and possibilities of vocation. 

5. Can compare and contrast experiences. 5. Affirm dialogical encounter with issues of ministry 

in the world. 

6. Provide opportunities for self-directed learning and 

affirmation of searching. 

7. Involve counselees in selecting curriculum based 

on their expressed needs. 

8. Affirm and encourage counselees to take 

responsible roles according to their strengths. 

Universalizing Faith 

As a person continues to grow in wisdom and grace, through study, prayer and reflection, increasingly 

he/she approaches a feeling of oneness with God. The vision of these individuals and their commitment 

leads them to spend themselves in love, and devote themselves to overcoming division, violence, and 

oppression, conditions that separate us from the love of God. 

Factors which affect this expression of faith Implications: 

1. Have a vision, which is not limited. 1. Encourage counselees to take responsible roles 

according to their strengths. 

2. Are concerned for all of humanity. 2. Invite the challenge and risk of commitment to 

new directions of faith and life. 

3. Have a world view which includes examination 

of issues based on what is the good for all. 

4. Live lives committed to transforming and 

unifying the world. 

3. Facilitate intellectual efforts toward purposeful 

ministry. 

4. Expect curriculum to be all of life and chosen by 

participants. 

5. Provide assistance for self-directed learning and 

sharing. 

6. Facilitate ministry and sharing with others. 

112

KEY CONCEPTS AND ASSUMPTIONS IN FOWLER’S THEORY 

1. Faith Development defined by movement through a series of stages 

each stage is structure whole 

you must go through each stage 

stages build on one another, there is a hierarchical sequence 

you have to be fully in one stage before moving to another 

when in crisis we tend to revert back to former stage 

higher is better 

2. Fowler brings knowing and feeling together 

3. Focus is on how beliefs and values come to be important; not on what those beliefs are. 

4. Faith, as Fowler defines it, is 

our search for meaning 

universal feature of human living despite a wide variety of forms and practices 

an active, ongoing process, an orientation of the whole persons, giving purpose and goal to 

one’s hopes and striving, thoughts and action 

forms a way of seeing and valuing our everyday life in relations to “the Kingdom of God” 

5. Thus, faith describes 

how people become aware of their relationship to self, others and the transcendent and 

how people make meaning out of and commitments based on what they have become aware 

of. 

Bill Alphin, “Key Elements of Discipleship Development”, April 24, 2007 


1. How did you move from a faith given by others to a faith of your own? 

2. What are some of the spiritual challenges your students will face as they move from one stage to 

another? 

3. Discuss implications of Fowler's stages for curriculum development and for teacher training. 

Conclusion 

Faith is about believing: it combines understanding, knowing, with feeling and relating. It is also about 

acting and doing. Christian educators address all these dimensions. It is necessary to see the 

relationship between knowing, feeling/relating, and doing. 

We must not reduce faith to only knowing about God, rather than having a relationship with God. For 

ancient Hebrews the word for "knowing about' 'had to do with heart knowledge, it implied intimacy, 

commitment. 

There is also a danger in reducing faith to a nice feeling that is not rooted in commitment and action. 

"Those who do not love a brother or sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have 

not seen.” 1 John 4:20 

As valuable as they are, none of these theories can tell us everything about faith development or can 

guarantee a particular result, because there are too many variables in culture, family, and in the 

community to give us the promise of a predetermined outcome of the faith journey. We return once 

again to the mystery of God's love, and as catechists must remember the words of St. Paul. 

1 Corinthians 3:6-7 

"I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is 

anything but only God who gives the growth. “ 

Ephesians 2: 1 - 7 

1. As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 

113

2 in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of 

the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. 

3 All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following 

its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. 

4 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 

5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-- it is by grace you have been 

saved. 

6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 

7 In order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his 

kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 

Source: 

http://www.vbmb.org/Resources/Sunday-School/media/PDFs/Beyond_Key-Elements-Of-Discipleship-Development.pdf 

114


TOPIC: SELF REFLECTION AND GROUP WORK: HOW DID MY FAITH 

DEVELOP UNTIL NOW? 


1. To see a guided self reflection through a panel session in which the 

development and struggles within ones faith development. 

2. To become knowledgeable about journey of faith development and its 

responsibility so as the counselee and counsellor will have realistic 

expectations and meaningful learning experiences in life in oneself and in others. 

60 Minutes 


1. Four trainees can sit in a panel session. 

2. They can share their personal faith development over the years in 

10 Minutes. 40 Minutes 

3. Trainer can be the moderator. 

4. All the audience can ask any question related faith and its development. 15 Minutes 

5. Time for moderator to wind up the session by collating ideas. 5 Minutes 

115


TOPIC: SELF REFLECTION AND GROUP WORK: 

WHAT ARE THE NEXT STEPS IN THE DEVELOPMENT 

OF MY FAITH ACCORDING TO FOWLER? 


1. To learn the transition from lower steps to higher steps in the faith 

development in ones life. 




60 Minutes 


1. All members are divided into groups of three to four members for a sharing 

session. 

2. In groups, all can share about their experience from synthetic-conventional 

faith to individuative-reflective faith with their personal stories. 

They could include their successful and unsuccessful steps in faith 

development between the said two stages. 

They could also share how could they hep a counselee to take successful 

 

steps of transition between the said two stages. 

In addition, they could point out from their experiences the possible pitfalls 

and roadblocks between the said stages. 

3. Finally a plenary for integrating ideas for growth process in faith 

development. 

40 Minutes 

20 Minutes 

116


TOPIC: COUNSELLNG SESSION AND EVALUATION WITH QUESTION AND ANSWER 


1. To learn to handle one’s faith development and its struggles in a 

counselling session. 




60 Minutes 


1. All in a group of three members, one can be counsellor, another can be counselee 

and the third can be observer. 

One counselling session could be done relating faith development 

problem. 

The goal of the session will be to find out the success and the failings 

during the faith development concerning the problem in counselling 

session 

Also a goal will be to find out the counselee’s realistic expectations 

concerning the future development 

30 Minutes 

observer time to give feedback 10 Minutes 

2. Plenary for evaluation with question and answer. 20 Minutes 

117



UNITS 9- 11 NATURAL AND SPITITUAL DEVELOPMENT 






4. 








118

UNITS 12 – 14: FAMILY CONSTELLATION AND GENOGRAM 


FAMILY CONSTELLATION AND GENOGRAM 


HOW TO DRAW A 

GENOGRAM 

CLUSTERS: GROUPS 

AND EXCLUSION, 

CONNECT 

SYMPTOMS WITH 

FAMILY CLUSTERS, 

TRIANGULATION 

SESSION 1 60 

MINUTES 

BREAK MINIMUM 

5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 2 60 

MINUTES 

GENOGRAM 1 : 

INTRODUCTION TO 

GENOGRAM WITH 

THE FLOW OF 

BLESSINGS AND 

CURSES 

GENOGRAM 2 : 

HOW TO DRAW MY 

FAMILY’S 

GENOGRAM 

GENOGRAM 5: 

INTRODUCTION 

TO SIBILING 

CONSTELLATION 

AND FIVE POSITIONS 

GENOGRAM 6 : 

ONLY CHILD AND 

OLDEST CHILD AND 

SECOND CHILD WITH 

EXERCISE 

GAMES AND 

SCRIPT 1: SCRIPT 

GAMES AND 

SCRIPT 2: GAMES 

BREAK MINIMUM 

5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 3 60 

MINUTES 

GENOGRAM 3 : 

THE COUNSELLING 

VALUE OF 

GENOGRAM 

GENOGRAM 7 : 

MIDDLE AND 

YOUNGEST CHILD, 

CONFLICTS AND 

EXERCISE 

GAMES AND 

SCRIPT 3: HOW TO 

COME OUT OF 

DRAMA TRIANGLE 

BREAK MINIMUM 

5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 4 60 

MINUTES 

GENOGRAM 4 : 

THE CONNECTION 

OF MY ACTUAL 

PROBLEM AND MY 

GENOGRAM 

GENOGRAM 8 : 

WORK SHEET 

REGARDING 

ATMOSPHERE, 

POSITION AND MY 

ROLES IN MY 

ORIGINAL FAMILY 

GENOGRAM 9: THE 

DIVINE GRAPH OF 

GOD 

119

UNIT 12: HOW TO DRAW A GENOGRAM 




HOW TO DRAW A 

GENOGRAM 



CONNECT 

SYMPTOMS WITH 


TRIANGULATION 

SESSION 1 60 

MINUTES 

BREAK MINIMUM 

5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 2 60 

MINUTES 

GENOGRAM 1 : 


GENOGRAM WITH 

THE FLOW OF 

BLESSINGS AND 

CURSES 

GENOGRAM 2 : 


FAMILY’S 

GENOGRAM 

GENOGRAM 5: 

INTRODUCTION 

TO SIBILING 

CONSTELLATION 


GENOGRAM 6 : 




EXERCISE 

GAMES AND 


GAMES AND 


BREAK MINIMUM 

5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 3 60 

MINUTES 

GENOGRAM 3 : 


VALUE OF 

GENOGRAM 

GENOGRAM 7 : 

MIDDLE AND 


CONFLICTS AND 

EXERCISE 

GAMES AND 


COME OUT OF 


BREAK MINIMUM 

5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 4 60 

MINUTES 

GENOGRAM 4 : 


OF MY ACTUAL 


GENOGRAM 

GENOGRAM 8 : 

WORK SHEET 

REGARDING 

ATMOSPHERE, 


ROLES IN MY 




GOD 

120


TOPIC: GENOGRAM 1: INTRODUCTION TO GENOGRAM 

WITH THE FLOW OF BLESSINGS AND CURSES 


1. To have an introduction about genogram 

2. To get an awareness on the passing of curses and blessings or strengths 

and weaknesses through parents to children through the generations over the years. 

3. To get an idea of family genogram through the sample of the genogram of 

trainer’s family or Schaban’s family. 

4. To have an overall idea on genorgram with the three various representing 

sketches on genogram. 

60 Minutes 


1. Demonstrate and draw the trainer’s genogram or schaban’s and he explains 

the generational Influence in his life in terms of blessings and curses. 

40 Minutes 

2. During the teaching and demonstration the students try to evaluate their 

life in terms of genogram. 

3. All could share in groups of three members their self-evaluation 

regarding the heard input on genogram with personal example. 

TEACHING: GENOGRAM 1: INTRODUCTION TO GENOGRAM 

20 Minutes 

WITH THE FLOW OF BLESSINGS AND CURSES 

1. This session would really help you a theoretical input and a practical outlook regarding 

genogram. You can have a look at the picture, which you have of influence of generations, 

and the picture of passing on strengths and weaknesses and the genogram of schaban’s 

family. 

2. Every person in a family is a part of the whole, which reaches out over generations through 

great grandparents, grandparents, parents, the focused person himself / herself, children, 

grandchildren and great-grandchildren. 

3. This is done not to blame or find fault with anybody alive or dead, rather it makes us to grip 

with underlying curses and blessings we have in the shape of strengths and weaknesses 

passing from parents to children over the generations. 

4. Nothing shapes a person more than the family and siblings with whom he grows up. 

5. Since I am a part of my family. I carry on many strengths and limitations of my family 

namely, hospitality / unfriendliness, service / damage, divine atmosphere / profane 

environment, supporting / opposing, learning / uneducated , sharing / grabbing, forgiving / 

intolerant, so on and so forth. 

121

Influence of Generations 

Every Generation starts with the 

heritage of the previous one! 

Grandchildren Great-grandchildren 

Children 

Grandparents PARENTS 

Great-grandparents 

Way of 

You 

Living 

0 25 50 75 100 125 150 175 200 225 

Years with respect to this generation 

Passing on strengths and weaknesses 

Receiving and giving 

blessings and/or curses 

Great-Grandparents 

Blessing 

Grandparents PARENTS Great-grandchildren 

Grandchildren 

Children 

You 

0 25 50 75 100 125 150 175 200 225 

Years with respect to this generation 

122

6. As I look into my family through genogram, I get my connections with my father and mother 

on curses and blessings. As my father and mother look into their parents (my grand 

parents) and family, they get their connections with their curses and blessings. So each one 

goes back further and further and getting roots of strengths and weaknesses through 

ancestry. 

7. So truly, I get connected with my lineage back through my parents and I pass them through 

lineage forward to my children. 

8. In the genogram diagram, we sketch out each member in my family with their strengths and 

weaknesses. We learn how to draw genorgram of my family in our practical session in the 

coming sessions. And in later sessions, we learn to draw genogram of two to three 

generation back in my family genorgram and we do counselling sessions with the help of 

genogram as well. 

9. Connecting with God and spiritual matters, experiencing with my own life and 

responsibilities, relating with other people and being accountable to them, and finally 

indisputable and verifying truth of codes and words relating the truth, love and justice put a 

large sum of impact in shaping and growing my personality with all colours or shades from 

my family and each member of its own and through out the generations over the years back 

and forth. 

10. God has some thing very special and unique matter to speak to us through genogram and 

let us listen to it earnestly. ( Exodus 20:1-6)1. And God spoke all these words: 2 "I am the 

LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt out of the land of slavery. 3 "You shall have 

no other gods before me. 4 "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything 

in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down 

to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the 

children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 

but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my 

commandments. 

123

Example of Family “Schaban”: 

1954 

Family “Schaban" 

1979 

1900 

1993 

-8 

1942 

1928 1930 

1931 

1939 

1936 

1962 

1963 

1965 1967 

-3 

1986 1990 

1963 

1964 

-1 

-4 

1966 

js/Works/5-Gemde/3Lehre/Seminare/Therseel/Famkonst.ppt 

The problem of Mr. Schaban: emotional frailness, no self-confidence, rather slim, no handsome body, 

no chances with women, fearful, "women's strength attracts me". 

Always keep in mind the problem of the person under consideration! 

Some advice for individuals and for family as a whole: 

• Grandfather on his father's side was a worker on a collective farm, suffered from schizophrenia, 

and committed suicide. 

• Grandmother on his father's side was strong, capable and yet loving. She was the leader in their 

marriage. 

• Grandfather on his mother's side was a bookkeeper in a metal processing plant, rather frail and 

had a weak back. 

• Grandmother on his mother's side was rather dominating, healthy, full of life and also loving. 

• Mother, the youngest one in her family was spoiled as a child, poor in health and also emotionally 

fragile. 

• Father, the eldest in his family, is also rather weak and has psychosomatic pains (e.g. his back), yet 

he mostly got his own way. 

124

In this marriage there is a conflict between the sexes; the father had only one brother and understands 

his wife poorly. This is even worse since she was spoiled as a child. 

• The grandparents of the wife of Mr. Schaban: both grandmothers were dominating. 

• The father of his wife is - like the father of Mr. Schaban - somewhat legalistic. 

• The mother of his wife is also the youngest one like the mother of Mr. Schaban and the leader in her 

marriage 

• Mr. Schaban has the best relationships with his grandmother on his father's side and with his 

mother. 

• His wife has the best relationship with her mother and is still too dependent on her. 

• In their marriage they don't talk much with each other and they tend to favour the youngest child. 

Observations on the Family Tree: 

• More men than women have died 

• Women are stronger than men and more dominating 

• The men in Mr. Schaban's family understand women poorly (only has brothers) 

• In Mr. Schaban's marriage there seems to be a massive conflict between sexes and ranks. 

• The Schaban couple favour their youngest child since they both have a good relationship with their 

mothers who both were also the youngest ones because in both families the youngest son died early. 

• The family motto seems to be; "Women are stronger than men!" 

Regarding the problem and approaches to the solutions: 

Practically the whole problem is reflected in the family motto: there is a need for working at the 

conception of man and woman, taking of responsibility, and breaking – through prayer – the conviction 

that women are stronger than men. In their marriage they have to learn to communicate more with each 

other (to learn to express themselves) and to learn to understand the needs and habits of the other sex 

better. Perhaps they should read books about the opposite sex and exchange views with each other. 

They should learn to talk openly a about their conflict over ranks. 

125


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

GENOGRAM 2: HOW TO DRAW MY FAMILY’S GENOGRAM 


1. To get in touch with the symbolic representation of possible situation in genogram 

with sketch sheet of symbolic representation you have (methodical proceedings) 

2. To demonstrate the sample of drawing the genogram of trainer’s family. 

3. To learn to draw genogram of your family with your grand parents, parents and 

siblings on a white paper. 

4. To know the strengths and weaknesses of your siblings and parents through 

genogram. 


1. Trainer draws his genogram slowly one by one. At the same time all can 

draw his own genogram one by one. Trainer can also introduce them 

the symbolic representations needed. 

2. In group of three members counsellor can draw the genogram of counselee 

and the observer can observe it. 

30 Minutes 

30 Minutes 

TEACHING: HOW TO DRAW MY FAMILY’S GENOGRAM 

1. Here we learn to know strengths and weaknesses of my parents and my siblings too. In fact I carry 

on them with me over generations. The blessings of my parents and ancestors and also the 

consequences of the sins they have committed intentionally or unknowingly made influence in my 

life. 

2. It is very firm and strict choice from ours that we have no plan to blame or find fault with anybody, 

rather I come into grips with my strengths and weaknesses in a realistic and practical way to come 

out of the clutches of bondages and to give in to the prospects of freedom as well. We get on the 

spirit and teachings of Jesus. In (john 8:32), He says, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth 

will set you free." 

3. As we have already seen that a child is formed and brought up in a family, his parents, guardians 

and siblings have great role to play in his character formation and motivation priority in life really. 

4. On a white paper, we sketch out grand parents, parents and siblings particularly in the order of birth 

we sum up their influence and power on the referred person realistically and sensibly. We jot them 

down in a paper so that it would help you remember as and when needed. For drawing genogram, 

we get the idea of symbolic representation from the picture sheet of symbolic sketches we have 

with us. Build them all in a confidential way. 

5. In relation to God, through parents or elders, we might have got some mental pictures of him like; 

creator, judge, policeman, cruel punisher, forgiving father so on and so forth. 

126

6. Children get their self-image, through the reactions of authority figures as they are being with them 

in their work and activities. How parents make comments and do observation on them and their 

responsibilities would build up their self-picture in themselves very dynamically right from their 

childhood. In every child, there is a cry within that “React on me in a soft and encouraging way. 

That’s how I will learn it”. 

7. In relation to others, children get opportunities in interaction. In their innermost heart always 

expressed or unexpressed desire saying “spend time with me”, “encourage me”, “show me”, 

“nurture me”, “correct me”, “hold me accountable”, “play with me”. How people reacted to the child’s 

need marks vitally in his life. 

8. In relation to truth, love, and justice, every child learns values from home and surroundings. 

9. Meaning and purpose of life shapes in a child knowingly or unknowingly right from the childhood 

through out the course of his life. 

10. God has something special to talk to you through your own very concrete family and listen to it. The 

word of God speaks through Paul,(Act 17:26-27 ) From one man he made every nation of men, that 

they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places 

where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and 

find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 

127

46 - 87 

Male Female Date of birth Date of death 

Death =X 

Index Person (IP) 

Wedding date 

Husband left, wife right 

Unmarried couples 

H: 63 or love affairs 

78 

Separation of the married 

couple with date 

Divorce with date 

T: 70 S: 72 

Children in sequence, 

Oldest left 

72 74 78 

Adoptive or fosterchild 

Non-identical 

twins 

Identical 

twins 

Pregnancy 

3 months 

Miscarriage Abortion Still birth 

Members of the Index Patient‘s present household 

(Note any changes in custody) 

Genosymb.ppt 

128

FOUR STEPS TO CREATE A GENOGRAM 

1. Create a family tree with the most important dates over 3-4 generations 

2. After the family tree of three or four generations has been recorded and all the dates of life and 

death done, the interest is focussed on the generation of the grandparents and the siblings of the 

parents. There the questions are approximate: 

1. How was their marriage? 

2. What is to be noticed about illnesses, deaths, special professions or skills? 

3. With whom are the relationships especially good or bad? 

3. Then the interest is focussed on the nuclear family, the parents and the siblings. Normally I let the 

client describe different persons of the nuclear family and I ask: 

1. Describe to me the different persons in your nuclear family. 

2. And tell me five points about how you experienced each one in your childhood. 

4. After this comes the general assessment 

1. What stands out? 

2. How are the marriages led? 

3. What are the role patterns (husband - wife)? 

4. How do they communicate and how do they resolve conflicts (conflict management)? 

5. How are the styles of bringing up children? 

6. Conclusion: How does my problem stand in relationship to what I have learned and experienced 

in my family? 

7. Use the available resources and the case studies. 

Conclusion: 

1. After the conclusion of four steps; the next counselling steps must be planned: 

2. Do the relationships between individual members need to be cleared up through a process of 

forgiveness? 

3. Is prayer for deliverance necessary (generation bondage)? 

4. Is it necessary to work at the sex roles or at one's own identity (who am I?)? 

5. Is there a need to recognise and put away negative roles I play? 

6. Is there a need for training in communication? 

7. Is there a need for activating resources out of the family heritage to deal with one's own problem? 

129


TOPIC: GENOGRAM 3: THE COUNSELLING VALUE OF GENOGRAM 


1. To know the counselling value of genogram and learn using it in counselling 

session you conduct. 

2. To learn to know the root of the problem in counselling time 

3. To use drawn genogram of your family line up to 3 to 4 generations with 

your ancestors from father’s and mother’s side in genogram on a white 

paper in the previous generation. 

60 Minutes 


1. Trainer does teaching on the counselling value on genogram. 15 Minutes 

2. In groups, all can share the connection between Schaban’s problem 

and his genogram in view of counselling value (Schaban see session 1). 

20 Minutes 

3. Then all can fill up the work sheet regarding one problem analysed with the 

help of genogram 

25 Minutes 

TEACHING: THE COUNSELLING VALUE OF GENOGRAM 

1. We study the counselling value of genogram for using it in counselling session. We also learn to link 

actual problem and his genogram with specific details. As a preparation for these, you would make 

as well your genogram up to 3 to 4 generations in the practical session. 

2. The problem of a person has always something to do with his lifestyle, with his self-image, his 

conception of others and of the world. 

3. When we do not understand the lifestyle of a person, we understand too little of his problem. Then 

counsellors run the danger of giving superficial or false advice and so do not take the counterpart 

seriously at all. 

4. For example, if a person is afraid of a punishing God, there are always unresolved experiences of 

punishment in his childhood. These experiences must be cleared up and then also his picture of 

God will experience correction or at least the way will be free for a correction. 

5. We gather information from the counselee with the genogram on the predominant style of bringing 

up the children and the experienced family atmosphere. All members of the family setting like 

parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and their prominent personality data. 

6. Wholeness of the family or the special features, such as the death of someone, illnesses, 

hospitalisations, divorce, concubine, stepparents, foster family or children's home are noted down. 

Further important persons to whom the child relates most closely and their influence as well would 

be taken into account well. 

7. Working out the family and sibling constellation the counsellor helps counselee to view the problem 

in an integrated and mature manner rather than a superficial outcome. Helps the person in question 

to notice that it is about him and it creates a good, confidential atmosphere. 

8. Helps the person in question to understand himself and to connect the problem with his original 

family and with his lifestyle. 

9. Helps him to recognise the strengths of his family and activate these as resources in his life. 

10. Helps him to recognise where the correction of his own behaviour is advisable, where inner healing 

is necessary and which relationships and relationship patterns need to be worked at. Helps the 

person in question to avoid mistakes in his own or future family. 

130

WORK SHEET: ONE OF MY PROBLEMS ANALYSED WITH THE HELP OF THE GENOGRAM 

Description of my personal problem: ___________________________________________________ 

__________________________________________________________________________________ 

GRAND PARENTS 

MARRIAGE (RELATIONSHIPS OF GRAND PARENTS) BOTH +VE AND –VE QUALITIES 

1.________________ 

2.________________ 

3.________________ 

4.________________ 

FATHER’S +VE AND –VE QUALITIES 

PARENTS 

MOTHER’S +VE AND –VE QUALITIES 

1.________________ 

2.________________ 

3.________________ 

4.________________ 

1.________________ 

2.________________ 

3.________________ 

4.________________ 

MY BOTH +VE AND –VE QUALITIES IN RELATION WITH PARENTS AND SIBLINGS 

1.________________ 

2.________________ 

3.________________ 

4.________________ 

GENERALLY IN FAMILY 

- 

- 

- 

NOTICEABLE 

QUALITIES 

- 

- 

- 

NOTICEABLE 

QUALITIES 

- 

- 

- 

NOTICEABLE 

QUALITIES 

- 

- 

- 

NOTICEABLE 

QUALITIES 

- 

- 

- 

FAMILY STRENGTHS 

- 

FAMILY WEAKNESSES 

131


TOPIC: GENOGRAM 4: THE CONNECTION OF MY ACTUAL PROBLEM 

AND MY GENOGRAM 


1. To learn to correlate your actual problem with your genogram drawn. 

2. To learn to arrive at connections and conclusions regarding my problem 

and my genogram. 

3. To notice the need of forgiveness, the need of release from any particular 

bondage, and the need of self-esteem and identity in counselee through the 

counselling session. 

60 Minutes 


1. The trainer can explain the work sheet of “how does all my genogram relate 

to my problem?” with a short teaching.” 

15 Minutes 

2. Then all can individually fill up the form and come in the group of three 

members for counselling session using the form. 

10 Minutes 

3. The counsellor can make use of the form to counsel the counselee and the 

observer can observe the session. At the end observer can give feedback. 

25 Minutes 

4. Plenary for evaluation with question and answer. 10 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

1. So far, we have studied a lot regarding genogram but here we connect your actual problem and 

your genogram in a counselling session. 

2. In the said counselling session, we focus mainly learning and counselling suitably with any of your 

particular problem with the backdrop of genogram. In the process, you use facts and insights you 

get from your genogram as well. 

3. As we look at any of your specific difficulty like getting anger soon, getting depressed easily, being 

stubborn, being sluggish, traits of dominance, traits of arrogance so on and so forth you have been 

carrying on in your life will have certainly a connection with your family environment, roles of your 

family members and off course, your family motto as well. 

4. You can have a glance through the sheet with you on “nature of family and its motto in my 

genogram”. Here you find adequate information on family atmosphere, roles of family members and 

family motto. 

5. This is really a good time for yourself to have clearness about your life especially in unhealthy 

behavioural pattern. 

6. Of course, you will surely get in touch with your strong and healthy behavioural qualities very much 

within you in the process of erasing unhealthy ones. 

7. Dealing with your own unhealthy behavioural patterns, this is not meant to find mistake with any 

particular individual rather you to get to grips with your genuine freedom and choice of reliance. 

8. This would really help you to protect yourself from actual unhelpful force within you or anyone. 

9. The work sheet on “How does all my genogram relate to my problem?” could be introduced to the 

group in general by the trainer. As you spent time in a fruitful manner in this session with work 

sheet, all the same you respect and honour your work partner with the look of God’s eyesight. 

10. God has something special to talk to you through this session, please tune your inner ear to it. 

132

WORK SHEET: HOW DOES ALL MY GENOGRAM RELATE TO MY PROBLEM? 

Where are there weaknesses, which are likely to become a stumbling-block in life as regards my 

problem or already have done so? 

Which of these wrong behaviour patterns or weaknesses, which occur or occurred in the family, do I 

NOW no longer, wish to carry in my rucksack or backpack (a large bag used to carry things on your 

back)? 

Tip: Symbolically take these “stones” out of your life-rucksack and deposit them with the appropriate 

people. This is a spiritual and practical process, which starts today and may take months or years 

before it is finished! 

What are the family strengths, which I can make use of for solving the problem? 

Which of these strengths do I NOW want to make use of for solving my problem? 

Tip: Symbolically take these “stones” out of your life-rucksack and eat them. 

Thank the appropriate people. This is a spiritual and practical process, which starts today and may 

take months or years before it is finished! 

133

UNIT 13: CLUSTERS: GROUPS AND EXCLUSION 

LEVEL 1: Units 12- 14 



HOW TO DRAW A 

GENOGRAM 



CONNECT 

SYMPTOMS WITH 


TRIANGULATION 

SESSION 1 60 

MINUTES 

BREAK MINIMUM 

5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 2 60 

MINUTES 

GENOGRAM 1 : 


GENOGRAM WITH 

THE FLOW OF 

BLESSINGS AND 

CURSES 

GENOGRAM 2 : 


FAMILY’S 

GENOGRAM 

GENOGRAM 5: 

INTRODUCTION 

TO SIBILING 

CONSTELLATION 


GENOGRAM 6 : 




EXERCISE 

GAMES AND 


GAMES AND 


BREAK MINIMUM 

5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 3 60 

MINUTES 

GENOGRAM 3 : 


VALUE OF 

GENOGRAM 

GENOGRAM 7 : 

MIDDLE AND 


CONFLICTS AND 

EXERCISE 

GAMES AND 


COME OUT OF 


BREAK MINIMUM 

5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 4 60 

MINUTES 

GENOGRAM 4 : 


OF MY ACTUAL 


GENOGRAM 

GENOGRAM 8 : 

WORK SHEET 

REGARDING 

ATMOSPHERE, 


ROLES IN MY 




GOD 

134


TOPIC: GENOGRAM 5: INTRODUCTION TO SIBILING CONSTELLATION 

AND FIVE POSITIONS AND EXCERCISE 


1. To have an introduction to sibling constellation and five positions. 

2. To know ones own sibling position and its consequences in practical life. 

60 Minutes 


1. Demonstrate and draw the trainer’s sibling position and explain its features 

and also do the teaching. 

20 Minutes 

2. Exercise: all sit together in sibling position groups (all oldest ones etc. and 

not more than 3 in each group) and exchange with each other how they felt 20 Minutes 

and behaved as children in their position. Does it still affect them? 

3. The results are to be presented in the plenary. 20 Minutes 

TEACHING: GENOGRAM 5: INTRODUCTION TO SIBILING CONSTELLATION 


Importance of Family and Sibling Constellation 

Parents and teachers strongly influence the development of the child's personality especially during the 

first six years. In this interaction the child develops a certain attitude to life, his personal lifestyle which 

consists of an individual self-image, a conception of other people and of the world. 

In a family also other factors have an influence. The family internal patterns of interaction as a whole 

are summarized under the title of "Family constellation". 

Living environment 

Upbringing styles 

Result mainly from 

family values, manners, 

rules and goals of 

discipline as well as 

unconscious aspects of 

the parental characters 

Family atmosphere 

Totality of the influences 

characterising the 

atmosphere in the parental 

home. 

Family constellation 

objective factors, which 

determine the family clan 

• Encouragement 

• Strictness and harshness 

• Spoiling 

• Co-operation 

• Unlovingness, Submission, 

Dominance 

• Over-caring, pity 

• Further important persons 

• Family members 

• Positions of the siblings 

• Wholeness of the family 

• Mixture 

• Inconsequence 

js/Works/5-Gemde/3Lehre/Seminare/Therseel/Persent.ppt 

aus "Psychologisches Konfliktmanagement", A. und H. Becker, dtv 

135

The following points should be considered: 

• The predominant style of bringing up the children and the experienced family atmosphere 

• All members of the family-setting like parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and their 

prominent personality data 

• Wholeness of the family or the special features, such as the death of someone, illnesses, 

hospitalisations, divorce, concubine,, step-parents, foster family or children's home 

• Further important persons to whom the child relates most closely and their influence 

The Counselling Value of Family Constellation (Genogram) 

The problems of a person have always something to do with his lifestyle, with his self-image, his 

conception of others and of the world. When we don't understand the lifestyle of a person, we 

understand too little of his problem. Counsellors run the danger of giving superficial or false advice and 

so don't take the counterpart seriously at all. 

If a person is afraid of a punishing God, there are always unresolved experiences of punishment in his 

childhood. These experiences must be cleared up and then also his picture of God will experience 

correction or at least the way will be free for a correction. 

Working out the family and sibling constellation 

• Helps the person in question to notice that it's about him and it creates a good, confidential 

atmosphere. 

• Helps the person in question to understand himself and to connect the problem with his original 

family and with his lifestyle 

• Helps him to recognise the strengths of his family and activate these as resources in his life 

• Helps him to recognise where the correction of his own behaviour is advisable, where inner healing 

is necessary and which relationships and relationship patterns should be worked at 

136

Sibling Constellation 

Mark for yourself in the following list what applies to you, not what doesn’t or is important for someone 

else. 

We make a difference between five basic positions in the sibling constellation: 

• 1. The only child 

• 2. The eldest child 

• 3. The second child 

• 4. A middle child 

• 5. The youngest child 

Other Positions: 

All the other possibilities (i.e. in larger families) are to be seen as variations, combinations or deviations 

of these five basic positions. 

For example: with twins one is often the leader and thus has the position of the oldest child. 

One child may experience several sibling positions. He may be for four years the only child and later 

the oldest one among one or more siblings. Another child may be for years the youngest one and 

suddenly he becomes the middle child through the birth of his sibling. 

Another middle child may become the oldest one through the death of the oldest one. 

These changes in the sibling position often have significant consequences in the child’s further 

development and in the development of his lifestyle. 

The age difference must always be particularly taken into account. 

137

For example: an oldest child who is about seven years older than the next one must be considered as 

an only child because he has experienced his most forming phase in this position. 

The age difference is also very important as regards the unavoidable competition. 

Two brothers with only 15 months between them will compete with each other much more intensely 

than those with 3-7 years of age difference. There it is usually clear who is the boss. 

Also the sexual role is learned at home. Siblings of the same sex have a less favourable start for their 

later marriage than if they could have had “practice” with siblings of the opposite sex. 

Every child tries to obtain and hold a good position in the family circle. Every child seeks love and 

recognition from his parents. In this seeking siblings are considered as rivals and so the fight for the 

parents’ favour starts. The competition will be especially hard if the father or the mother pampers some 

children or shows them special recognition. It always leaves its marks among all the siblings. 

138

LEVEL 1: UNIT 13 BASIC TRAINING FOR CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING SESSION 2 

TOPIC: GENOGRAM 6: ONLY CHILD, OLDEST CHILD, AND SECOND CHILD 


1. To know particularly the position of only child, oldest child and second child 

with exercise 

2. To know the strengths and weaknesses of this sibling positions. 

60 Minutes 


1. The trainer does the teaching of the position of only child, oldest child 

and second child 

20 Minutes 

2. Trainees do the exercise with worksheet as shown in the end of the teaching. 40 Minutes 

The first-born child 

Usually there is great joy at the birth of the first child. He makes the couple parents and he will be 

specially appreciated. The focus of attention is guaranteed. Everything revolves around the child. The 

parents take much time and pay special attention since they have little or no experience in child care 

and the relatives travel from all over the country to see the little “wonder”. 

For the further life and development of his lifestyle it is very significant whether the child can keep this 

special position or if other siblings follow (more about this later). 

Five Positions: 

1. The only child 

[Here I describe general observations. In individual cases it may look quite different. We must always 

ask more questions and consider the individual case in the counselling. This general knowledge helps 

us to ask the right questions.] 

remains at the centre of attention 

gets attention and often also some pampering 

especially the mother will be used as a servant to satisfy the child’s needs through charm, 

sweetness, cleverness, and weaknesses like helplessness 

neither sibling conflicts nor power battles 

the parents are the most important interaction partners. The parents’ “style” of up-bringing has a 

special influence since other siblings don’t take part in it. 

is often accepted by the parents as an equal partner and challenged according to his age 

(cooperative up-bringing), often even over-challenged. 

often develops an active, open-minded behaviour towards the world and can easily cope in the 

adults’ world (wider views). 

is mostly objective in conflicts and seeks constructive solutions. 

usually has no difficulties at school and progresses well in his profession 

if strongly spoiled and pampered he develops into a “weak” personality. 

the child often lives in a “symbiotic” relationship with his mother 

is afraid to face life’s challenges. 

the confrontation with children of his age in the kindergarten or during the first day at school will be 

especially difficult 

is able to relate to adults better than to children (lack of training). 

single parents often make their only child into a substitute partner. 

can easily divert the adults’ attention to himself and gets recognition (for example by praising: “You 

139

are a good teacher”) 

is often a peacemaker since he doesn’t allow himself to be drawn into rivalry conflicts but stands 

more at a distance. 

can usually share well since he never needed to fight for his “possessions” 

an only child should learn social contacts in play groups or day nurseries as soon as possible. 

challenges are considered normal 

an only child often seeks partners who submit to him and serve him 

an only child often marries an only child; this usually leads to considerable relationship conflicts. 

only children as mothers often give an impression of being rather childish themselves. It’s difficult 

for them to understand why their own children should now be at the centre of attention and not they. 

only children as parents have the tendency to bring up their child as an only child and so encourage 

his selfishness. 

is usually more independent as an adult than other people and often has more initiative. 

though self-centred he can usually work well with others and finds his “niche” where he is the most 

important person (I know an only child who is a driving teacher). 

loss of his parents or of his partner hurts him especially hard 

Biblical examples of only children 

Moses (the youngest one in his original family), Ex. 6, 20; Samson, Judges 13; Samuel, 1.Sam.1; John 

the Baptist, Luke 1, 57, 80 

Questions: Where did the only children among us recognise themselves? Where does the learnt 

behaviour still have an effect in a positive or negative way? What do I want work at? 

Exercise: (work sheets regarding siblings are given at the end of the teaching notes), Work with 

the sheet “the position of the only child” in groups of three and answer the questions: How does an only 

child feel? What kind of self-image/conception of other people and of the world will he develop? 

Dethronement 

The first-born child usually receives love, attention and is the focus of attention of the family. One day 

he will be dethroned from this position by a little screaming “something”. This bundle now receives all 

attention. 

This may mean a severe shock for the first-born child (“I only saw the back of my mother”). The 

measure of this shock is influenced by four factors: 

1. How well is the first-born child prepared for the birth of the new sibling? If the parents assure the 

older one of their love, prepare the child well for the birth of the new one and let him take part in the upbringing 

of the sibling, this crisis may pass without ill effects. Otherwise the first one feels as if pushed 

out of the paradise and may develop a negative behaviour. 

2. A spoiled and pampered first-born child experiences the loss of his uniqueness much more strongly 

and tends to behave negatively (searching for attention, superiority, revenge, and refusal). In this way 

the child tries to regain love but obtains tragically just the opposite and gets discouraged. 

3. Dethronement experiences hurt a first-born child during the first three years of his life most. At 

greater age differences such a crisis will usually be mastered much more easily. 

4. If after such a shock, the first-born child doesn’t feel rejected by the parents or stay discouraged, he 

will take the new situation as a challenge and begins to fight for his new position in a healthy way. 

Questions: Did I get dethroned as a child and when? Did something change in my life? Do my 

memories only go back to that point? Would the dethronement still have an effect in my life? 

2. The eldest child 

If the oldest child is not discouraged and is entrusted with tasks suitable for his age (cooperative upbringing): 

He becomes reconciled more quickly with his new role 

140

notices that he will receive attention and recognition if he develops according to the parents’ 

expectations into an “exemplary” child and mentally mature 

identifies with the parent who is dominant or with whom he is emotionally nearer 

is taken as a co-educator or caretaker and so again receives new worth (often this is also very 

annoying) 

a cooperatively brought-up first child learns to respect adults and pay attention to children 

is able to consider other people’s wishes and needs 

feels responsible for the well-being of the people around him 

tends to protect others 

develops a love for order, a feeling of responsibility and a talent for organising 

is able to take responsibility 

is more conservative since he learns to adjust and he doesn’t like changes (see: dethronement). 

If the oldest child feels rejected (or if the age difference is too short): 

he experiences the next one following on his heels as a threat 

reacts with jealousy 

would prefer to eliminate competition 

strong feelings of deprivation may be the reason here 

If the oldest child grows up in a rather authoritarian family atmosphere 

he identifies with the parent who has power 

will also treat the younger sibling in an authoritarian manner 

if the oldest one needs to keep many rules and regulations he demands the same from the younger 

siblings 

even as an adult tends to fight continuously for his threatened position. 

tends always to know better and to nag or to play the judge as an adult 

If the child grows up in a spoilt and discouraging atmosphere: 

he is always bereaving the “golden times” before the birth of the siblings and longs to go back to the 

“lost paradise” 

thinks he must go backwards in life 

doesn’t take responsibility very willingly 

meets everything with pessimistic expectations 

Biblical Examples of oldest children: 

Shem, Son of Noah, Gen. 5, 32; Cain, Gen.4; Abraham, Gen 11,26; Esau (twin), Gen, 25,19-34; 

Ruben, Gen 35,23; Miriam, Ex. 1,4; Num. 26,59; The faithful son in Luke 15; Martha, John 11, 5 

Questions: Where did the oldest children among us recognise themselves? Where does the learnt 

behaviour still have an effect in a positive or negative way? What do I want to work at? 

Exercise: Work with the sheet “the position of the oldest child” in a group of three and answer the 

questions: How does the oldest child feel? What kind of self-image/conception of other people and of 

the world will he develop? 

3. The second child 

The second child sees the world totally differently from the first child: 

 

 

 

 

 

he never experiences the position of uniqueness 

he has to share the affection and attention of the parents from the start 

the parents are surer in bringing-up children since they have experience 

they usually have more confidence in the second child than in the first one and spoil him less, which 

has the effect of encouragement and support on the second child. 

If the parents don’t cause a greater competition between the first and the second child through 

negligence, the second one has a better start; he will be challenged to practise and make an effort 

141

through the example of the older one. 

In search of affection and attention from the parents the second one will go different ways from the 

first one, since he would otherwise experience too much competition (one role is already filled, so 

the child searches for another) 

finds out the weaknesses of the first one and becomes strong exactly in those areas so as to 

receive praise and recognition from his parents (but also jealousy from the older one) 

through the competitive situation the oldest child and the second one are most different from each 

other (for example: the strong one and the intelligent one, the fast one and the slow one) 

the nearer the two are to each other in age, the stronger the competition will be. For an age 

difference of 18-20 months and less, one talks about pseudo twins (especially dangerous, if the 

younger one is a sister and the older one a brother, since the girl develops more quickly emotionally 

and physically than the boy) 

usually experiences much encouragement since he is able to develop his gifts and strengths 

(except if he gets very spoilt as a “son and heir” or as a “little princess” and thus can’t develop his 

independence) 

he can take everything much more easily since he doesn’t have any position to protect; he has 

nothing to lose and everything to win 

a second child is often very charming and seldom conservative 

he has cleverly learned to have his own way (as opposed to the oldest one who has rather learned 

to adapt) but he is also able to cooperate and fit in with other people 

if the family atmosphere is one of superiority: 

o 

o 

o 

o 

o 

o 

competition struggles are greater 

the second tries by all means to humiliate the older one and take advantage of his 

weaknesses 

is very jealous of the privileges of the first-born 

may develop into a rebellious and revolutionary person as an adult 

a second child has difficulty tolerating strong leadership by other people 

even as an adult a second child believes that every power can be overthrown, “eternal laws” 

are badly tolerated 

if more siblings are born into the family, the position of the second child gets slightly worse; he will 

become the middle child 

the dethronement experience will usually be taken better, since his position was never so exposed 

as the position of the oldest one 

Biblical examples of second children: 

Abel, Gen. 4; Jacob (twin), Gen. 25/19-34; John, brother of James, Matt. 4,21 

Questions: where did the second children among us recognise themselves? Where does the learnt 


Exercise: work with the sheet “the position of the second child” in a group of three and answer the 

questions: how does a second child feel? What kind of self-image/conception of other people and of the 

word will he develop? 

142

WORK SHEET 


the figures represent years and always refer to the oldest child , 

e.g. -5 means 5 years younger than the oldest child 

The Position of the only child 

Consider how the constellation affects the only child: 



-8 


-1 -10 

The Position of the oldest child 

Consider how the constellation affects the oldest child: 


-5 -7 


-3 

-4 -6 


1962 1966 

-2 

-4 

143

WORK SHEET 


The Position of the second child 

Consider how the constellation affects the second child : 


-3 


-2 


-1 

144


TOPIC: GENOGRAM 7: MIDDLE AND YOUNGEST CHILD, CONFLICTS AND EXERCISE 


1. To know particularly the position of middle child, and youngest child with exercise 

2. To know the strengths and weaknesses of this sibling positions. 

60 Minutes 


1. The trainer does the teaching of the position of middle child, 

and youngest child 

20 Minutes 

2. Trainees do the exercise with worksheet as shown in the end of the teaching. 40 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

4. The middle child 

“Neither fish nor fowl!” This could be a description of the middle child’s feeling about life. 

is hanging between the oldest and youngest child. He is in competition with the oldest one and now 

also with the youngest one. 

he experiences a war on two fronts which he can hardly but loses. The oldest child can easily ally 

himself with the youngest one and so kick out the annoying middle child (who once was the second 

and the youngest one). This is the ways “sandwich children” are made, who neither enjoy the rights 

of the oldest nor the advantages of the youngest ones. 

If seen this way, the dethronement of the second child is not easily borne if he doesn’t receive 

enough love and attention from his parents. A dethroned second child often needs a clear 

assignment of tasks from the parents. Then it will be easier for him to find his new role and to 

accept it. 

A courageous middle child may take over the leadership among his siblings: in this way he 

develops great agility, skill (for instance to get and keep power) and high activity 

A discouraged middle child, who experiences too little support from his parents, feels that he has 

been unjustly treated, rejected and possibly develops a pessimistic conception of the world and of 

other people. Most likely he will seek a person to relate to (a friend) from outside the family. 

A child will be most influenced by the siblings who are immediately before or after them; so the 

most crucial factors for the development of the middle child will be the sex of the sibling “above” and 

“below” and the age differences 

o if the age difference is 3-4 years each there are seldom problems 

o the shorter the difference the bigger the problems to be expected (pseudo twins!) 

The middle sister among sisters will often be “forgotten” by the parents, and so she feels 

meaningless and has little self-confidence, since she couldn’t gain any significant role. She tends to 

escape into an imaginary world. As an adult she probably still will search for her role and will be 

inclined to depression, resignation and even to suicide. In relationship to men of her own age she 

lacks experience – as do her sisters. 

The middle brother among brothers is a fighter with or without luck, it just depends. He tries to 

fight his way through verbally and physically. With a short age difference the middle one’s battle will 

go on and on. Perhaps he will develop into a still more ambitious strategist than his older brother. 

Either he gets very discouraged because he is squashed between the brothers or he will develop 

into a man of action who early learns to hide his feelings. Later this will hit back because he has 

145

never learned to talk about his feelings and he is afraid of them and then he has to express them 

psychosomatically. In relationship to women he will always be reserved and will never really 

understand them. In relationship to men he will always be careful that they wouldn’t manipulate him. 

With enough age difference he can develop positively and perform extraordinarily well without being 

emotionally cold. 

The middle sister between brothers has also several possibilities to develop. She may become: 

o a perfect diplomat who finds her way among her brothers’ power battles. She supports and 

encourages them both and will be appreciated by them both. 

o a judge in her brothers’ quarrels through her skill or by a word of authority 

o a faithful servant or an underdog if the parents don’t intervene 

o or she enters into an alliance with one brother against the other 

o She learns to know the world of men very well and can feel for them without wanting to lead 

or change them, she has self-confidence and is tolerant. 

o She is a good wife, mother and mother-in-law. 

The middle brother between a big sister and little brother will be more ambitious than if he only 

had a big sister but softer than an older one of two brothers. As a husband he tends to live in 

competition with his wife except if she is an ex-little sister. 

Biblical examples of middle children: 

Ham, son of Noah, Gen. 5,32; Levi, Gen 29,34; Judah, Gen 29,35; Mary, sister of Martha, John 11,5 

Questions: Where did the middle children among us recognise themselves? Where does the learnt 


Exercise: Work through the sheet “the position of the middle child” in groups of three and answer the 

questions: How does the middle child feel? What kind of self-image/conception of other people and of 

the world may he develop? 

5. The youngest child 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

receives most attention from his parents, especially if he is an “evening star” 

the “baby” of the family will often be pampered even by his siblings since he doesn’t compete for 

their role 

siblings have often parental functions 

enjoys privileges without needing to fight for them 

often learns good social behaviour, especially in big families 

doesn’t need to experience any dethronement 

is often smart, charming and able to “play to the gallery” 

is often innovative and creative, has new ideas, because he needs find a new role for himself which 

is not yet taken by another sibling, in order to secure his position or to receive attention 

in a family with two children he will clearly have the features of a second child 

if the youngest one grows up in a spoiling family atmosphere: 

o he becomes discouraged, dependant, cowardly and needs constant care 

o tends to misuse the helpfulness of others 

o doesn’t easily take responsibility 

o has little perseverance: if something doesn’t work first time he gives up 

o people around him excuse this inefficiency because he is so pleasant 

Biblical Examples of the youngest children: 

Japheth, Son of Noah, Gen. 5, 32; Aaron (first the middle one) Ex. 6, 10; David, 1 Sam.16; The 

Prodigal Son, Luk.15; Lazarus, John 11, 5 

Questions: Where did the youngest children among us recognise themselves? Where does the learnt 


146

Exercise: Work with the sheet “the position of the youngest child” in groups of three and answer the 

questions: what does a youngest child feel? What kind of self-image/conception of other people and of 

the world will he develop? 

Other sibling positions or extended families 

The most significant sibling positions are described above. In larger families (more than three children) 

groups of one to three children usually build up subsystems among the siblings. In which kind of 

constellation a specific child finds himself is largely dependant on the distribution and the age difference 

of the siblings. Every child will be most influenced by the sibling ahead of him or after him. These 

relationships must be observed with special care. 

In general one can say that in large families the typical personality features which develop in the sibling 

positions get stronger: the oldest one will be even more independent and dominant, even more 

conservative and conscientious. The youngest one will be even freer and more unconventional and 

creative (except if he through pampering becomes unable to be independent). 

Still a couple of thoughts about special constellations: 

Twins: if twins (identical or not) compete each other they develop like an oldest and a youngest child. 

The only boy among girls stands against female power. If he is the oldest one with a bigger age 

difference he will most likely develop into a protector. However, if he was born later he feels pushed 

back and in the weaker position. He will always think that men are at the mercy of women. 

The only girl among boys could either compete with the brothers and so become courageous, boyish 

and comradely, or she could use the situation to cultivate her feminine features. 

Exercise: with the sheet “Sibling Constellation” answer: how could the constellation affect individual 

people? Work in groups of three and repeat and reinforce the previous materials. 

Still more about the importance of the sibling constellation: 

The position in the sibling order is a very important element of the self-image and the view of other 

people. Through the dealings with his siblings the child gains the ability to handle people in a certain 

way, either in cooperation or in competition. Together with the sibling position, the style of upbringing 

and the atmosphere in the family have dominant influences on the attitude to life which the person 

develops. Every person will now try consciously or unconsciously to create situations which he is used 

to. 

147

Questions: How did my sibling position form my lifestyle? Where do I live in similar relationships or act 

similarly as during the time with my siblings (marriage, family, profession, friends, and church)? 

What would be important to bear in mind in marriage preparation or when arranging a marriage? 

Conflicts between the sexes 

A conflict between the sexes is especially strong if a boy from a purely male household marries a girl 

form a purely female household. Both are unable to put themselves in the other’s position. This 

provides much cause for arguments. Also the oldest and the middle child of three oldest girls have 

difficulty understanding their husbands and sons. This is also valid for the oldest and the middle one of 

three oldest boys. 

Rank conflicts: 

• two oldest children who are married with each other often have arguments about who is allowed to 

make decisions 

• Two youngest ones, however, love to be pampered by the other one and are frustrated if not both of 

them have their money’s worth. Both unconsciously expect the other one to become active. 

• Two only children tend to have rank conflicts, since they both are used to standing in the focus of 

attention. 

• A big brother – little sister have least rank conflicts and an especially harmonious marriage, if they 

both had a sibling of the opposite sex in their original families 

• Also a big sister – little brother usually harmonize well each other, if both accept their roles and 

there is no sex rivalry 

A potential rank conflict should be talked over during the marriage preparation and have sufficient 

attention paid to it. A couple who knows their dangers can avoid them better. Also possible conflicts 

between the sexes should be dealt with. The people concerned need much time to learn to handle the 

needs and the nature of the opposite sex. They should take this time and not be put off by the effort. 

The goal is a marriage where neither rank conflicts nor conflicts between the sexes need to be worked 

out. 

148

WORK SHEET 


The Position of the middle child 

Consider how the constellation affects the middle child: 


-3 

-5 

-7 


-2 

-7 


-1 

-3 -6 

149

WORK SHEET 


The Position of the youngest child 

Consider how the constellation affects the youngest child: 


-3 

-5 

-7 


-2 

-3 


-1 

-3 -6 

150


TOPIC: GENOGRAM 8: WORK SHEET REGARDING ATMOSPHERE, POSITION 

AND MY ROLES IN MY ORIGINAL FAMILY 


1. To do the work sheet regarding family atmosphere and my role and position in 

my original family. 

2. To get in touch with motto and nature of my family. 

60 Minutes 


1. The trainer explains the work sheet and the trainees fill it up. 20 Minutes 

2. Trainees form groups of three and do two counselling session of 20 Minutes 

each including observer time. 

40 Minutes 

151

WORK SHEET 

ATMOSPHERE, POSITION AND MY ROLES IN MY ORIGINAL FAMILY 

1. My current problem: ______________________________________________________________ 

2. My sibling position, Tick the most suitable one: I was an 

only child Eldest child Second child Middle child Youngest child 

3. Atmosphere in my family? Tick the most appropriate one for your family: 

Rather a hostile atmosphere authoritarian atmosphere painful atmosphere 

repressive atmosphere hopeless atmosphere disharmonious atmosphere 

competitive atmosphere despising atmosphere materialistic atmosphere 

over-caring atmosphere inconsistent atmosphere democratic atmosphere 

4. Roles you experienced in your family Tick the most appropriate one for you: 

I was mainly the 

opinion maker coordinator calculator motor 

harmoniser uncompromising observer aggressor 

obstructer self-accuser dominant dogmatist 

rival peacemaker sunny boy sunshine 

outsider black sheep perfect child wallflower 

helpless 

substitute 

protector 

spoilt 

father/mother 

prince/princess If any other, specify 

just 

5. What sort of motto did the family have? What shaped everyone? Tick the most suitable 

1. Everyone is his own neighbour. 2. All or nothing 

2. Who loves his child disciplines him 3. Whatever you do, do it thoroughly. 

3. Ingratitude is the world’s wages. 4. Male power rules in our family. 

4. One must not lose courage. 5. Girls don’t run after boys. 

5. My home is my castle. 6. Women obey men. 

6. You do what you are told. 7. Work comes before pleasure. 

7. We are as thick as thieves. 8. Enjoy life as long as you can. 

8. We don’t tolerate nonsense. 9. Any other 

9. Who doesn’t respect the coins is not worth 

the notes. 

Other: 

152

6. 20 minute counselling with the following questions: 

The counselee listens actively, and gives feedback and tries to combine the family atmosphere, the 

role, the motto and the sibling position with the given problem. 

These are some samples of questions: 

• Tell me about your sibling position. 

• Which family atmosphere in your family? 

• Which roles did you have in your family and how did you feel in these roles? Give 1 or 2 examples. 

• Which aspects were positive and which negative for you? 

• Which role do you have in your family? Give maybe 1 or 2 examples. 

• Can you say anything about a family motto? 

• Can you see a connection between your current problem and what we explored about your family? 

• What would you like to change today? 

End with prayer (decide on possible changes, grant or receive forgiveness, etc.) 

Notes: 

153

UNIT 14: CONNECT SYMPTOMS WITH FAMILY CLUSTERS, TRIANGULATION 

LEVEL 1: UNITS 12- 14 FAMILY CONSTELLATION AND GENOGRAM 


HOW TO DRAW A 

GENOGRAM 



CONNECT 

SYMPTOMS WITH 


TRIANGULATION 

SESSION 1 60 

MINUTES 

BREAK MINIMUM 

5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 2 60 

MINUTES 

GENOGRAM 1 : 


GENOGRAM WITH 

THE FLOW OF 

BLESSINGS AND 

CURSES 

GENOGRAM 2 : 


FAMILY’S 

GENOGRAM 

GENOGRAM 5: 

INTRODUCTION 

TO SIBILING 

CONSTELLATION 


GENOGRAM 6 : 




EXERCISE 

GAMES AND 


GAMES AND 


BREAK MINIMUM 

5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 3 60 

MINUTES 

GENOGRAM 3 : 


VALUE OF 

GENOGRAM 

GENOGRAM 7 : 

MIDDLE AND 


CONFLICTS AND 

EXERCISE 

GAMES AND 


COME OUT OF 


BREAK MINIMUM 

5 

MINUTES 

SESSION 4 60 

MINUTES 

GENOGRAM 4 : 


OF MY ACTUAL 


GENOGRAM 

GENOGRAM 8 : 

WORK SHEET 

REGARDING 

ATMOSPHERE, 


ROLES IN MY 




GOD 

154


TOPIC: GAMES AND SCRIPT 1: SCRIPT 


1. To learn my behavioural style and traps in the light of script. 

2. To learn about my script that determines my behavioural steps. 

3. To have an understanding of helplessness and powerlessness in my life 

with the help of the knowledge of games and scripts. 

60 Minutes 


1. Teaching about Script and four basic life scripts. 20 Minutes 

2. Group work is in groups of three members who are counsellor, counselee 

and observer. Counsellor does the following “script questionnaire” with a 

counselee. It is to know “what is my / are my script/s?” Two turns can be 

done of 20 Minutes. 

40 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

Scripts and Games (according to Transactional Analysis): 

Transactional analysis can serve as a sophisticated, elegant, and effective system on which to base the 

practical activities of professionals in psychotherapy, counselling, education, and organizational 

consultation. It was founded in the 1950s by San Francisco psychiatrist Eric Berne, MD. Transactional 

analysis has become a worldwide movement with upwards of 10,000 adherents. It is a sophisticated 

theory of personality, motivation, and problem solving that can be of great use to psychotherapists, 

counsellors, educators, and business consultants. 

SCRIPTS Reprinted w/permission from Tom Porpiglia/Life Script Counseling Services 

When we were young, we all had a vision of how the world was. And while we did not have the facilities 

to do reality testing, we decided how to behave, what to say and not say, what to feel or not feel and 

more, based on our perceptions. We received verbal and non-verbal messages that reinforced our 

conclusions. We knew what we had to do to survive, and, that's what we did. We did whatever it took to 

get our needs met. 

This is our life script. We wrote it and now as adults, we direct it and act in it, just like a good play. The 

problem is that what worked in childhood most likely is not working in adulthood. The other part of this 

issue is that our script operates at an unconscious level, out of our awareness. We may behave in 

certain ways and not be aware of what we are doing or why we are doing it. 

The script is the source of games. We play games because we don't or won't ask for what we want 

directly. We learned asking for what we want did not work well as children, so we learned to play 

games to get our needs met. One example of this is the child who acts out to get attention, even if it is 

155

negative attention. The child may misbehave, get yelled at and maybe even spanked. The child knows 

that it needs strokes, physical and psychological contact, to survive and grow. If the child cannot get 

loving, nurturing attention, it will find a way to get ANY attention. This child's script may be that he/she 

is not lovable and there is not enough love to go around. Carry this concept over into an adult 

relationship and the results can be disastrous. 

One of the tenets of Transactional Analysis is to uncover the games, stop playing them and ask for 

what we want directly. This serves to terminate or change the old script and create a new, healthy script 

to live by. In the example above, I would work with the client to uncover the sources of the decision, 

teach the client how to reality test the decision and then invite the client to create a new decision. I 

would also teach the client new communications skills so he/she asks for what they want in a clean, 

direct manner. Often-times, understanding what they want is a more difficult process than asking for 

what they want. 

Four basic life scripts: 

o I’m OK, you’re OK – ideal I+U+ 

o I’m OK, you’re not OK – get away from me I+Uo 

I’m not OK, you’re OK – I’ll never get anywhere I-U+ 

o I’m not OK, you’re not OK – get rid of each other I-U- 

We classify scripts into three degrees according to their content and outcome. They are: 

1) Winning, 

2) Losing or hamartic, 

3) Non-winning or banal. 

Winning scripts accomplish a declared purpose and make the world a better place to live in. People 

living in the I+U+ quadrant of the “for basic life scripts” have winning scripts. Losing scripts are just the 

opposite and we find them in the I-U- quadrant as well as the I+U- quadrant. Banal or non-winning 

scripts are those that fall in between the winners and losers and we find them in the I-U+ quadrant. The 

owners of these scripts don't make any big wins or losses and they are not risk takers. 

Additionally, losing scripts have degrees of severity according to the payoff or outcome of the script. 

The mildest of these is a first degree script and third degree scripts are the most serious. 

First degree scripts have losses and failures that are not severe enough to cause embarrassment or 

discomfort in the person's social circle. An example of this might be that I lost control of my car on an 

icy pavement and ended up in the ditch. 

Second degree scripts are serious enough that they do not get discussed in the social environment. 

Instead of loosing control on the ice, I was under the influence of alcohol and I don't want you to know. 

Third degree scripts are the most serious of scripts. These scripts have disastrous outcomes that end 

up in the court room, hospital or morgue. Maybe I was driving while drunk and killed someone. They 

156

end up in the morgue and I end up in jail. Tom Porpiglia in http://www.lifescriptcounseling.com/ls1.htm 

Everyone has a script. In fact, we have many scripts and to get the best out of life, we need to explore 

these scripts and make changes where necessary. 

Common negative life scripts: 

Never – one never gets to do what one wants 

Until – one must wait until a certain time or until something is done to be able to do something they 

want to do 

Always – one must continue to do what one has always done 

After – a difficulty is expected after a certain event 

Open-ended – one does not know what to do after a given time 

Mini-scripts: 

o Hurry up! 

o Try harder! 

o Be perfect! 

o Be strong! 

o Please someone! 

And of course, once you know what your unconscious life plan is you can change it. You decided on it 

as a child, but you can now change your mind as an adult. Remember that whatever you decided about 

yourself and your life as a child, it was done from a very limited perspective. What seemed a 

generalized truth about life then might not be true for you anymore today? The emphasis on the 

decision of the child in script formation is based on the premise that "what has been decided can be redecided". 

Re-decision is an emotional, cognitive and behavioural process. Scripts can be changed and 

disbanded all together – but in a PROCESS. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transactional_analysis 

SCRIPT QUESTIONNAIRE 

These questions are designed to gain information from the client which enable the therapist to construct 

a script matrix, a picture of both the messages which were passed onto the infant and the decisions 

which the infant made. 

1. Imagine your mother/father sitting front of you and saying: 

“I am happy with you when you ... ..” 

2. When you were little, what was it about you that most upset or scared your mother? 

3. When your mother/father let you know that she/he did not like you being like this, what did you feel? 

4. What did you do and do you do when you feel like this? 

5. What phrase or sentence describes your mother and her life best? 

6. What phrase or sentence describes your dad and his life best? 

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TOPIC: GAMES AND SCRIPT 2: GAMES 


1. To know about styles and traps of dysfunctional behaviour in my family in the 

light of games. 

2. To learn about my games that determines my behavioural steps. 

3. To have an understanding of helplessness and powerlessness in my life with 

the help of the knowledge of games and scripts. 

60 Minutes 


1. Teaching about Games and the drama triangle (Triangulation) 20 Minutes 

2. Discussion on “Position manoeuvring and Rules in the triangle” is in groups 

of three members. 

20 Minutes 

3. One teacher leads a counselling demonstration with a student, caught in a 

Drama Triangle Position 

20 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

GAMES: THE DRAMA TRIANGLE 

The following section about Triangulation is adapted, modified and reprinted from SCREAM LOUDER 

by Marsha Utain and Barbara Oliver, 1889, with the permission of the publisher: Health 

Communications. Inc,. Deerfiel Beach, FL.) 

It is printed in: Dallmann-Jones, A. (2011). SHADOW CHILDREN ~ Understanding Education's #1 

Problem. Lancaster, PA: RLD Publications, pages177-183 in the 2011 edition. – Permission for the 

reprinting in this Handbook is granted by the publisher and author A. Dallmann-Jones 

Triangulation 

A Common and Complex Form of Social Abuse 

The Drama Triangle is a representation of a complex interactional process involving the three 

participating roles of Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer. The Triangle is based on blame and guilt and is 

put into operation whenever any type of lie or denial occurs. Without blame, guilt or lies, there would be 

no Drama Triangle and no chaos. Instead there would be healthy responsible relationships based on 

hones and clear communications. 

Victim 

The victim position is the key role in the Triangle because it is the position around which the others 

revolve. People operating in the Victim position take no responsibility for their actions or feelings. They 

truly believe that they are life’s “fall guys”, and that everyone in the world is “doing it to them.” They 

158

continually look for someone or something else to blame for things not working in their lives. Victims 

can frequently be identified by their usage of such language as: “everyone, anyone does it to me.” 

“you/they (the government, mother, father, boss, spouse, children, etc.) do it to me.” “poor me.” 

There are two basic types of Victims: the Pathetic Victim and the Angry Victim. The Pathetic Victim 

plays the pity ploy, using woeful “poor me” looks and desolate language of self- pity. The Angry victim 

pretends to be powerful, using angry “I won’t let you do it to me,” “Look what you did to me,” or “You’re 

bad” types of language. 

Both types of Victims are looking for someone to blame for the emotions that they are having and for 

their lives not working. In addition, they are looking for a Rescuer, someone they can “hook” into taking 

care of them and their responsibilities. 

Rescuer 

As any recovering co-alcoholic knows the role of Rescuer is the highly addictive role because it is the 

position of the “good guy”. Because of the way we are raised people are raised whenever they feel 

guilty they have learned to get out of the guilt by moving into the Rescuer “good guy” position. People 

do not like to be labeled “bad guys” so they actively seek the position of Rescuer and because it affords 

them some relief from the guilt they get addicted to it. 

We are raised from birth to believe that we must be good. We are trained by the standards of our 

parents, churches and society that in order to be “good”, we must take care of other people physically, 

emotionally, or spiritually, even at the cost of our own being. We are drilled with the idea that to take 

care of oneself is to be selfish which is, of course, bad. Therefore, when the Victim approaches us with 

blame or tales of woe, we are already prime targets for the manipulative hook of guilt. We already 

159

elieve that we should take care of other people’s problems, and that if we do not, we are bad. 

Because we do not wish to be cast in the “bad guy” Persecutor role, we jump in to rescue the Victim, 

even when it is not in our best interest. 

If a child did not do what the parent wanted, then the child was labeled “bad” and cast in the role of the 

Persecutor. Taking the position of Rescuer, therefore, affords a person some relief from guilt and gives 

the person the opportunity to pretend that they are acting unselfishly and for someone else’s good. This 

creates the momentary high that makes the Rescuer position addictive. The Rescuer does not realize 

that they are motivated by selfish reasons. They just do not want to feel like or appear to be a “bad” 

person. 

There is another important point to understand about Rescuers in the triangle. Because of the very 

nature of the triangle, Rescuers must have a Victim, someone to take care of, someone to control, and 

someone, who by their very need, makes the Rescuer feel good. When people are codependent and 

therefore addicted to the Rescuer role, they will find that they actually have a need to rescue. In order 

to fill that need, they will have to have a Victim around that they can “help”. If there isn’t one available, 

the Rescuer will attempt to create one. 

In general, Rescuers need to be needed and they need to be in control and be right no matter what the 

cost. Being in control and being right allows the Rescuer to avoid dealing with any emotions or 

discomfort. In all addictions, the addictive substance or behavior, in this case Rescuing is used by the 

addict to avoid feelings. 

Persecutor 

The role of the Persecutor is the role of the “bad guy”, the villain. It is the one role that few people 

consciously choose as their starting place in the triangle. In fact, it is the role that keeps the triangle 

going because people in the triangle are attempting to avoid that position by moving into the Rescuer 

role or by perceiving themselves as Victims. No one likes to see themselves as a bad guy. Even 

criminals in prison want to be seen as the Victims of society rather than society’s Persecutors. The 

Persecutor role is the one that Victims use, along with blame, to maneuver others into rescuing them. 

What makes this position truly unique is the fact that once you are in the triangle and you decide to 

leave it, you must leave from this position. In other words, when you remove yourself from playing the 

triangle, anyone still playing will perceive you as the Persecutor. 

160

Positions, Maneuvering, and Rules in the Triangle 

A number of key points to consider remembering: 

1. The triangle is based on lies. Tell a lie to yourself or someone else, whether it is a lie about data or 

a lie about your emotions or your experience and you move immediately into the triangle and the 

addictive process. 

2. All shoulds are a lie. Therefore, shoulds will throw you into the triangle. (An important piece of your 

healing process is learning how to go about getting your needs and wants met after you learn to 

distinguish them from your “shoulds” or the things that other people have told you are your needs.) 

3. All positions in the triangle cause pain. No matter what position you are in at any given moment, 

you will be in pain and will be causing pain. 

4. There is no power in the triangle. When you are in the triangle, you are operating from 

powerlessness and irresponsibility no matter what position you are playing. 

5. Everyone has a favorite starting position which is usually either the Rescuer or the Victim. Few 

people choose Persecutor as a starting position. 

6. Once you are hooked into the triangle you will end up playing all the positions, whether you like it 

or not, because of the nature of the triangle. You may have perceived yourself as a Rescuer, who 

wound up as someone’s Victim, while, at the same time, that person perceives you as a 

Persecutor. 

7. Guilt is the experience that hooks you into the triangle, and therefore you need to learn a few 

points about guilt: 

a. Guilt is a signal that someone is attempting to pull you into the triangle. 

b. In order to stay out of the triangle, you will need to learn to give yourself permission to feel 

guilty without acting on that guilt. In other words, do not let guilt push you into a Rescuer 

position. 

c. Learn to sit with the guilt and be uncomfortable. This experience called guilt is a learned 

response; it is not the same thing as being out of integrity with yourself by breaking a rule, moral 

or law.. 

8. The “escape hatch” out of the triangle is located at the Persecutor position. Telling the truth about 

your emotions and thoughts open the escape hatch. In other words, in order to leave the triangle, 

or for that matter to stay out of it, you have to be willing for others (the Victims or the other 

Rescuers) to perceive you as the “bad guy” and then go through whatever emotions surface as a 

result of their perception. This does not mean that you are the “bad guy”. It just mean that others 

choose to see you that way. If you are not willing to be seen as a Persecutor, you will get hooked 

into rescuing and keep yourself in the triangle. If you are already in the triangle and wish to leave, 

you have to be willing for others in the triangle to see you as the Persecutor. 

9. You can play the triangle alone with yourself. Once you have been raised in a dysfunctional family, 

you do not need anyone else to push you into the triangle. 

a. The way you play the triangle by yourself is by listening to the negative voice inside your head 

that beats you up, “puts you down”, and constantly “shoulds” on you. 

b. Remember: “shoulds” are a lie.. They have nothing to do with who you are. They are 

someone else’s interpretation of what to do and what is good. 

c. When you play the triangle with yourself, your “should-er” will persecute you so that you will 

feel like a Victim. At the same time, you will be feeling guilty. This will trigger the belief that you 

are the Persecutor. The guilt will drive you to “rescue” someone (or some situation), even when 

no one except you is there attempting to manipulate you into the Rescuer position. 

10. When you actively participate in a relationship with someone who lives in the triangle, you must be 

very careful of the hooks. It is difficult to be around people who constantly operate in the triangle 

and not get hooked in yourself, especially if your personal boundaries are not clear and you have 

not learned to recognize the Triangle. 

11. You internalized “should-er” is also the voice that pushes you into the triangle when others around 

you are in and attempting to hook you. The Should-er is the false-self, the part that is actually 

161

someone else you believe is you. It is controlling, negative, rigid, perfectionistic and righteous. 

Without that part of you operating, you would not participate in the Triangle. 

12. Being in the Triangle is not being alive; it is a living death. It is a life of pain, inauthenticity, and lack 

of love and acceptance. 

13. Suicide is the ultimate Victim act, the ultimate act of self-pity. When the Victim perceives they 

cannot get anyone to come to the rescue anymore, and they do not have the courage to seek new 

alternatives, they may turn to suicide. 

14. Telling the truth and experiencing your emotions is the only way out of the triangle. To do this you 

have to learn to know and define your boundaries and take responsibility for recognizing, 

experiencing, expressing, and completing your emotions. 

162


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: GAMES AND SCRIPT 2: HOW TO COME OUT OF DRAMA TRIANGLE 


1. To learn how to come out of the Triangle I am actually in. 

2. In practical counselling to differentiate between conscious and unconscious deal 

with helplessness and powerlessness in my life with the help of the knowledge of 

drama triangle. 


1. Teaching about how to come out of the Triangle with 

the help of working through the dialogue between John and Mary 

2. In groups of three, two turns of 20 Minutes of counselling session focussed 

on “How to come out of the Triangle I am actually in?” 

20 Minutes 

40 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

Examples of the work with the drama triangle 

An example would be a welfare caseworker whose official function is to get clients off welfare and to 

support themselves with jobs. If the caseworker does anything to prolong the dependency relationship, 

she is not really helping but "Rescuing." 

There may be subtle or overt pressure from her agency not to have too many successful clients. 

Threatening to cut off benefits to obviously lazy or selfish clients would be frowned on -- even if or 

especially if such tactics resulted in clients suddenly finding gainful employment after years of 

dependency. 

For the drama triangle to come into full flower, one of the players must shift positions. For example, a 

Victim may become a Persecutor complaining of getting too much help, not enough help, or the wrong 

kind of help. A Rescuer may become a Persecutor, complaining that the clients don't appreciate her 

enough. 

Officials at the welfare agency may take a role in the game, Rescuing staff and clients as long as they 

play along quietly but persecuting any staff who start showing good results. 

In conversation 

A more familiar example might be this fictitious argument between John and Mary, a married couple. 

Sometimes the rescuer point seems calm and even reasonable. If the words placate, soothe, calm, 

explain or justify, it can be considered a Rescuer response--it is an attempt to move the other person 

from their position. 

In order to give a visual of the way the participants move from one point of the triangle to another, the 

Persecutor position is shown in bold, the Rescuer in italic, the Victim in normal and the mentions 

163

outside the triangle in underline. 

John: I can't believe you burnt dinner! That's the third time this month! 

Mary: Well, little Johnny fell and skinned his knee, it burned while I was busy getting him a bandage. 

John: You baby that boy too much! 

Mary: You wouldn't want him to get an infection, would you? I'd end up having to take care of him while 

he was sick. 

John: He's big enough to get his own bandage. 

Mary: I just didn't want him bleeding all over the carpet. 

John: You know, that's the problem with these kids! They expect you to do everything! 

Mary: That's only natural, honey, they are just young. 

John: I work like a dog all day at a job I hate... 

Mary: Yes, you do work very hard, dear. 

John: And I can't even sit down to a good dinner! 

Mary: I can cook something else, it won't take too long. 

John: A waste of an expensive steak! 

Mary Well maybe if you could have hauled your ass out of your chair for a minute while I was 

busy, it wouldn't have gotten burned! 

John: You didn't say anything! How was I supposed to know? 

Mary: As if you couldn't hear Johnny crying? You always ignore the kids! 

John: I do not, I just need time to sit and relax and unwind after working all day! You don't know what 

it's like... 

Mary: Sure, as if taking care of the house and kids isn't WORK! 

Anyone reading this article could undoubtedly continue this argument indefinitely. 

What is of perhaps more interest is how one can remove oneself from the triangle, which, as the 

example makes clear, can be exhausting. 

The simplest method is the passive response. This works at any point no matter what the role the other 

person is taking, as it doesn't give a cue as to the next response: 

Mary: Well maybe if you could have hauled your ass out of your chair for a minute while I 

was busy, it wouldn't have gotten burned! 

164

John: Yes, that's true. 

Although Mary may attempt to restart the cycle by continuing to scold, if John continues in the same 

vein, Mary will eventually run out of things to say. Unless Mary is actually abusive, in which case care 

should be used in employing this method, John's calm response invites discussion rather than 

continued wrangling. She might realize that she didn't ask him for help, and they might well be able to 

resolve the situation by planning on a course of action should something similar arise in the future. 

It works just as well for the victim role: 

John: I do not, I just need time to sit and relax and unwind after working all day! You don't know 

what it's like... 

Mary: I'm sorry you're feeling so tired. 

This acknowledges any real problem the other person might have without continuing the dance. Again, 

the other person may attempt to restart the cycle by continuing to complain, but again, with continued 

passive responses, the other person will run out of things to say. 

While the "rescuer" role is seemingly the least problematic of the three points of the triangle, it still is a 

part of a non-communicative cycle, and thus should be treated in the same manner. 

Mary: That's only natural, honey, they are just young. 

John: Yes, they are young. 

Once again, the cycle is broken, and John has made it clear to Mary that he needs no further placating 

or assistance. Other examples for passive responses include: 

• "Oh." 

• "I see." 

• "You may be right." 

Bibliography 

• Utain, M. & Oliver, B. (1989) Scream Louder:Through Hell and Healing With an Incest Survivor 

and Her Therapist. Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, Inc. 

• Ian Stewart, Vann Joines - TA Today: A New Introduction to Transactional Analysis. ISBN 

1870244001 

• (1990) (Paperback reissue ed.) Scripts People Live: Transactional Analysis of Life Scripts. New 

York: Grove Press By Claude Steiner ISBN 0-394-49267-6. 

• Reparenting, TA and ITAA. Margaret Singer, Janja Lalich Crazy Therapies : What Are They? Do 

They Work? 1996, ISBN 0-7879-0278-0 

• Celebrate Your Self. Corkille Briggs, Dorothy. (1986). Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group. 

ISBN 0-385-13105-4 

• Steiner, Claude, and JoAnn Dick (illustrator). The Original Warm Fuzzy Tale: A Fairytale. 

Sacramento: Jalmar Press, 1977. ISBN 0915190087. 

• Born to Win: Transactional Analysis with Gestalt Experiments By Muriel James and Dorothy 

Jongeward (Addison-Wesley, 1971) 

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60 Minutes 

TOPIC: GENOGRAM 9: THE DIVINE GRAPH OF GOD 


1. To learn to look at my genogram through the eyes of God. 

2. To learn to choose divine change in your genogram with the divine plan of God. 

3. To equip me with a reasonable clearness of faith in God relating strengths and 

weaknesses in my genogram, position and role in the family. 

4. To notice the need of relying on God in all the seasons with the perceptive of 

faith in Him. 



2. Then all can individually share in groups of three members how divine plan 

affected his genogram with specific example. 

20 Minutes 

3. Plenary for evaluation with question and answer. 20 Minutes 

TEACHING: MY FAMILY ATMOSPHERE AND THE DIVINE GRAPH OF GOD 

1. As we analyse a particular problem of man in the light of genogram, sibling position and family role, 

we stick not only to merciful human counselling guidelines but also we do encourage an individual 

with a faith of divine graph of God who can turn curses into blessings, sickness into healing and 

sins into goodness. 

2. A man with leprosy chose to go to a Jewish Rabbi Jesus (Mark 1:40-45) even when the time and 

opportunity was fully forbidden to those. The matter of touch with a leper could not be taken as a 

matter of thought even in wild sense then. The said leper decided to choose to change his 

genogram by putting faith in a different type of a Jewish Rabbi at that time. 

3. Once Jesus and his disciples saw a blind from his birth. And his disciples asked him, saying, 

Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind (John (9:2). The genogram of 

the blind is put into a very different position by Jesus replying his disciples. 

166 

Jesus answered, 

“Neither has this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in 

him” (John (9:2). 

4. The history with Him shows that anyone who puts trust in Him such one's family line drawn in 

genogram takes a new turn with a fully treasure design. 

5. Any attempt in thought, word, and action in life has got consequence. If one chooses to think, speak 

and act for HIM, undoubtedly the consequence is awesome and breathtaking. If not, consequence 

is terrible and dreadful. 

6. Jesus points out this consequence very clearly to men and women saying; “And fear not them 

which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both

soul and body in hell.” (Mat 10:28) 

7. Even today and throughout the time one element is common and true, WITH HIM, that any life 

challenge of any one has never been an unresolved one. 

8. One woman is excluded by family, society and religion because of her ailment of blood issue for 

twelve years chose to touch Him boldly. And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, which 

had spent all her living upon physicians, neither could be healed of any (Luke 8:43). 

9. Anyone who called out His name has never been thrown out at any point in life. Who else with any 

kind of GENOGRAM need anything other than this assurance of life? For example, and he (the thief 

on the cross) said unto Jesus, Lord; remember me when you come into your kingdom. And Jesus 

said unto him, Verily I say unto you, Today shall you be with me in paradise (Luke 23:42-43). 

10. For the life in great quantity for any one, it is always responsible account to make a choice between 

the God of the dead and the God of the living in any favourable and unfavourable situation no 

matter what family graph follows. (Mark12:27) 

167



UNITS 12- 14 FAMILY CONSTELLATION AND GENOGRAM 






4. 








168

UNITS 15 – 16 COMFORTING IN TIMES OF SUFFERING 


COMFORTING IN TIMES OF SUFFERING 

UNIT 15 UNIT 16 

SESSION 1 60 MINUTES INTRODUCTION ON 

BEREAVEMENT, 

AND FIRST TWO OF 

FOUR PHASES OF 

BEREAVEMENT 

AND THEIR 

CONSEQUENCES. 

COUNSELLING 

SUGGESTIONS 

AND TASK OF 

THE 

COUNSELLOR 


MINUTES 

SESSION 2 60 MINUTES LAST TWO PHASES 

OF BEREAVEMENT 

AND THEIR 

CONSEQUENCES. 

PRACTICE 

COUNSELLING 3 

(IN GROUPS) 

REGARDING 

BEREAVEMENT 


MINUTES 

SESSION 3 60 MINUTES PRACTICE 

COUNSELLING 1 

(SELF 

EVALUATION) 

REGARDING 

BEREAVEMENT 

AND SUFFERING. 

PRACTICE 

COUNSELLING 4 

(DEMONSTRATIO 

N) REGARDING 

CHILD’S 

BEREAVEMENT 


MINUTES 


COUNSELLING 2 

(DEMONSTRATION) 

REGARDING 

BEREAVEMENT 

COUNSELLING 

THOUGHTS 

REGARDING 

CHILDREN 

ABOUT DEATH 

169

UNITS 15 COMFORTING IN TIMES OF SUFFERING 1 





BEREAVEMENT, 



BEREAVEMENT 

AND THEIR 

CONSEQUENCES. 

COUNSELLING 

SUGGESTIONS 

AND TASK OF 

THE 

COUNSELLOR 


MINUTES 



AND THEIR 

CONSEQUENCES. 

PRACTICE 

COUNSELLING 3 

(IN GROUPS) 

REGARDING 

BEREAVEMENT 


MINUTES 


COUNSELLING 1 

(SELF 

EVALUATION) 

REGARDING 

BEREAVEMENT 


MINUTES 


COUNSELLING 2 


REGARDING 

BEREAVEMENT 

PRACTICE 

COUNSELLING 4 

(DEMONSTRATIO 

N) REGARDING 

CHILD’S 

BEREAVEMENT 

COUNSELLING 

THOUGHTS 

REGARDING 

CHILDREN 

ABOUT DEATH 

170


TOPIC: INTRODUCTION TO COMFORTING IN TIMES OF SUFFERIING 

AND FIRST TWO PHASES OF BEREAVEMENT 


1. To understand the person who is alone and suffering of bereavement. 

2. To become familiar with the first two phases of bereavement in order to help 

and stand by the person who is in great loss of loved ones and then in the 

difficulty of being alone. 

60 Minutes 



2. All could share in groups of three members their views and opinions 

regarding the heard input on bereavement. Mainly each one could focus 

on physical changes and emotional changes. 

20 Minutes 

TEACHING: FIRST TWO PHASES OF BEREAVMENT AND THEIR CONSEQUENCES 

INTRODUCTION: 

When one wants to help a bereaved person, it’s not a question of playing down or suppressing his 

great loss. It’s more a question of understanding him in his particular situation and giving him the 

feeling one is able to deal with his bereavement and that in this difficult time he is not alone. 

The following model of the phases of bereavement has been developed by the Swiss psychologist 

Verena Kast and is considered to be one of the most important foundations for understanding the 

process of bereavement. 

How long the bereavement takes varies from one person to another; the length of the different phases 

may also vary. The form and length of the process of bereavement is determined by the personality of 

the mourner, by the circumstances of death and by the relationship of the bereaved to the dead person. 

The bereavement of members of the same family varies, just as their relationships with the dead 

person differed. Different family members will express their bereavement in different ways according to 

their own temperament and emotionality. And the various family members’ mourning must not be 

compared with other members’ or even played off against each other. The process of bereavement 

begins with the loss of the loved person, proceeds very individually and ends with the reorientation of 

one’s whole life pattern. In the experience of the process of bereavement we distinguish following 

phases: 

PHASES OF BEREAVEMENT: 

Phase 1: Denial 

In this first phase the surviving person does not yet believe in the partner’s death. He does not yet 

grasp what has happened, denies it, cannot and will not believe it. He feels stiff like death and often 

seems insensitive. It is as if he is in emotional shock. 

Physical reactions: 

Quick pulse, sweating, nausea, vomiting, agitated movements. 

This phase may take from some hours up to several weeks, especially in the case of sudden deaths. 

171

Possible aids during this phase: 

• taking over everyday duties 

• supporting the bereaved persons when they are overwhelmed 

• support with the necessary arrangements in connection with the death 

• neither to leave the bereaved persons alone nor to crush them by too close contact 

• not to patronise the bereaved people in their reactions 

• to be there without asking too many questions 

• to accept all the bereaved person’s feelings: everything is allowed! 

• to tolerate his seeming insensitivity, his lack of tears, 

• his stiffness communicating warmth and sympathy 

• expressing one’s own feelings if it seems suitable and necessary prayer of blessing (often silent) 

Remaining stuck in the first phase is shown through: 

Living further as if nothing had happened, getting busier, and keeping oneself strictly under control, 

being especially “brave” (suppressing one’s feelings). 

Phase 2: Emotional Outbursts 

During this time the mourner is overwhelmed by contradictory emotions. He is immersed in a chaos of 

feelings of rage, bereavement and fear, restlessness and deep gloominess. Depending on the 

personality structure of the bereaved person, different feelings predominate. His rage may be aimed at 

the dead person, since he has left him behind, against the doctors whom he holds responsible for the 

death and thus for his sorrow, or against God who let it all happen. His anger or rejection may also turn 

against himself, and in fact the more so if he was not able to work through his problems with the partner 

before his or her death. As a result of all these uncontrollable reactions, feelings of guilt may develop 

which torment the bereaved person. Even then one should in no way suppress all these emotions, 

which at this point in time overwhelm the person. They help him handle his pain better. However, if they 

are suppressed, these feelings may destroy much and often lead to depressions and melancholy. 

The length of this phase is difficult to estimate, it’s something between a couple of weeks and several 

months. 


• Following emotional outbursts, as they may bring healing, since outbursts of anger and rage belong 

to the process of bereavement just as do depressive moods and melancholy 

• Not distracting attention from unresolved problems and conflicts, since this may only cause 

repression, which may lead to a delay in the bereavement process; letting him express his 

problems not making excuses for feelings of guilt nor exaggerating them, just simply acknowledging 

them; supporting the process of forgiveness but not demanding it sharing the experience and 

recollections of the bereaved person being there, listening! 

• Giving suggestions for managing on a day-to-day basis (for instance writing a diary, painting, 

listening to music, relaxing movement, relaxing prayer…) 

• Abstaining from telling one’s own ‘stories’ not giving any interpretations or value judgements 

Remaining stuck in the second phase is shown through: 

Being overwhelmed by pain, “chronic” bereaving. Bereavement may remain stuck in two places: either 

the anger against the dead person or other involved people remains unexpressed, or the process gets 

stuck in “eternal” feelings of guilt. 

172


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

LAST TWO PHASES OF BEREAVEMENT AND THEIR CONSEQUENCES. 


1 To understand the third and fourth phases of bereavement to know the person in 

a depth manner who is alone and suffering of bereavement. 

2 To become familiar with the last two phases of bereavement in order to help and 

stand by the person who is in great loss of loved ones and then in the difficulty of 

being alone. 



2. All could share in group of three members ones views regarding the input. 20 Minutes 


TEACHING: LAST TWO PHASES OF BEREAVMENT AND THEIR CONSEQUENCES 

Phase 3: Seeking and Separation (Letting go) 

The dead person is still “sought” for, which expresses itself in inner dialogues with him or in going to 

places which remind him of their times together. And yet every seeking makes the person painfully 

aware that his partner is no longer there. If the separation through death has until now been more of a 

physical event, it has now become an emotional process. Through this repeated seeking and forced 

separation, the bereaved person is thrown back on himself. In this way he has to learn to see himself 

as independent of the partner, an individual with his own abilities and characteristics. During this 

intensive seeking, finding and re-separation, there comes a moment when the bereaved person will 

make the decision either again to say yes to life and to continue living, or to persist in mourning. This 

seeking may also cause deep despair, because the darkness is still so powerful. Suicidal thoughts are 

at this time relatively common. This phase may last for weeks, months or years. 


• Allowing all past experiences to be expressed – no censorship! 

• Accepting that the person will continue to seek in many different ways; listening, even though one 

already know all the stories taking the emotions seriously which repeatedly come up in memories 

and stories allowing fancies which doubt the person’s death – without fantasizing with the mourner 

remaining with the person if he makes suicidal comments. 

• Allowing time; not pressurizing the person to accept the loss. 

• Perhaps addressing the person’s potential self-pity and the necessity of taking responsibility for 

himself. 

• Supporting the first signs of re-orientation. 

• Further prayerful accompaniment. 

173

Remaining stuck in the third phase is shown through: 

Not being able to let go. In this phase the danger of suicide or of consequential death is at its greatest. 

Phase 4: A New Relationship to the World and Oneself. 

In this phase the dead person becomes an “inner figure”, an important memory to the surviving partner, 

without identifying with the dead person. What used to be experienced together can now be 

experienced alone or with others. New relationships, new roles, new behaviour possibilities, new 

lifestyles become possible. The mourner now knows that every relationship is fleeting, that every 

commitment in life is limited by death. But he also knows that, in spite of this, new relationships are 

possible. For he has experienced that bearing loss is difficult but possible, and that it holds promise of 

new life. The process of bereavement has left its marks: in most cases the bereaving person’s attitude 

to life and also his relationship to God have changed significantly. 


• Helping the bereaving person also to let go of the helper 

• Accepting that as helper one is no longer needed 

• Checking your own need to help (“helper-syndrome”) 

• Being sensitive to relapses 

• Welcoming and encouraging changes in the bereaving person’s relationships 

• Accepting new things seeking together ways to carefully finish or change the accompanying of the 

bereavement 

• The supporting helper has now become unnecessary. 

Remaining stuck in the fourth phase is shown through: 

Slipping into the role of the dead person (acting, thinking, getting involved as he had done, without 

considering one’s own possibilities and wishes). 

What also must be said: every process of bereavement can proceed differently, depending on the initial 

situation. This must be taken into account when accompanying bereaved persons. There is no single 

typical emotion or typical reaction. Accompanying a bereaved person demands a great amount of 

sensitivity, openness and flexibility. The phases of grieving don’t have to be in this written order, often 

there are not phases, there are different feelings at the same time or they change quickly from phase 

one to four and back to two … 

174


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

PRACTICE 1: SELF EVALUATION REGARDING BEREAVEMENT AND SUFFERING 


1. To conduct a practical session in which self evaluation is made in view of 

bereavement and acute suffering. Take input teaching as helpful resource for 

your evaluation. 

2. Identify the ability of counselling skills within one self regarding bereavement and 

strong suffering case. 

3. Realise the need of getting counselling with regard to bereavement and suffering. 


1. In groups of three members we do self evaluation. Each member can share 

a death occasion or an acute suffering incident. Each one can share things 

in accordance with the four phases of bereavement. 

50 Minutes 

2. Plenary session to collate ideas. 10 Minutes 

175


TOPIC: PRACTICE 2: COUSELLING SESSION (DEMONSTATION) 

REGARDING BEREAVEMENT 


1. Learn to know what happens in counselling with regard to bereavement of a person. 

2. Identify the ability of counselling skills within oneself with regard to 

suffering and death. 

3. Realise the reality of getting and giving counselling with in us with regard to 

agony and death 

60 Minutes 


1. Demonstration of counselling session with regard to bereavement by 

a trainer to a student. 

2. In plenary all could share points in the evaluation of the demonstration 

of held counselling session. 

30 Minutes 

30 Minutes 

176

UNIT 16 COMFORTING IN TIMES OF SUFFERING 2 




BEREAVEMENT, 



BEREAVEMENT AND 

THEIR 

CONSEQUENCES. 


MINUTES 


COUNSELLING 

SUGGESTIONS 

AND TASK OF THE 

COUNSELLOR 



AND THEIR 

CONSEQUENCES. 

PRACTICE 

COUNSELLING 3 

(IN GROUPS) 

REGARDING 

BEREAVEMENT 


MINUTES 


COUNSELLING 1 

(SELF EVALUATION) 

REGARDING 

BEREAVEMENT AND 

SUFFERING. 


MINUTES 

PRACTICE 

COUNSELLING 4 


REGARDING 

CHILD’S 

BEREAVEMENT 


COUNSELLING 2 


REGARDING 

BEREAVEMENT 

COUNSELLING 

THOUGHTS 

REGARDING 

CHILDREN ABOUT 

DEATH 

177


TOPIC: COUNSELLING SUGGESTIONS AND THE TASK OF THE COUNSELLOR 


1. To know the practical suggestion of counselling the person who is alone and 

suffering of bereavement. 

2. To become aware of the specific tips regarding the task of the counsellor in 

order to help and stand by the person who is in great loss of loved ones and 

then in the difficulty of being alone. 

60 Minutes 



2. All could share in groups of three members their views and opinions 

regarding the heard input on counselling suggestions and the task of the 

counsellor. 

20 Minutes 

TEACHING: COUNSELLING SUGGESTIONS AND THE TASK OF THE COUNSELLOR 

Counselling Suggestions 

1. We allow and encourage expressions of grief 

Reference: 

Gen.50:3-10; 

Ex.3:7-10; 

Ps.2:2; 

Ps.102:1 

The psalmist writes: “Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint, o Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony. 

My soul is in anguish.” Ps. 6:2 -3. 

And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"-- which means, 

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Mark.15:34 

Practical advice 

On the basis of the Biblical statements and of my own experience I would like to give you the following 

advice. If you need to deal with certain suffering in your life, then: 

• Accept the grief as a help given by God 

• Try to find a place for yourself where you can be undisturbed before God. 

• Take time! Grief is no matter of ten Minutes. 

• If you are very anxious in your bereavement and your pain, then seek a counsellor who will 

accompany you through the process of grieving 

• Be completely quiet and consciously enter God’s presence. He has the power to help you! Describe 

your situation to God. 

178

• Which of your expectations, wishes, and needs have not been fulfilled? 

• Whom do you blame for it? 

• Praise God for his presence and for everything he has done for you. 

• Bring your accusations and negative feelings towards your fellow men before God! 

• Are you troubled by self-accusation? Speak it out! 

• Do you have accusations and negative feelings towards God? Express your mistrust; God can cope 

with it! 

• Accept the pain you feel! 

• Face the truth about yourself. 

• Let God show you how he sees you! Receive God’s forgiveness! 

• Remind yourself of your past experiences with God. 

• Ask God to come very near to you with his comfort and unconditional love. 

• Ask him to intervene. 

Sometimes we need to go walk the path of grief several times before we enter into praise. Sometimes 

we only come to the point where we can say: 

“O God, I do not understand you; the situation is unbearable for me. But I am ready to live with you in 

this situation and to trust that you are also in this unbearable situation with me and that you will give me 

the strength I need every day.” 

This is especially true for mourners. They will come through, God will bring them through. 

2. Tasks of the counsellor 

• Conveying warmth, sympathy 

• Tolerating open questions 

• Allowing pain and not arguing it away – carrying the load of the one seeking help 

• Identifying with the person seeking help 

• Weeping together with him (“when one weeps, all the members weep, when one member rejoices, 

all rejoice with him…”), grieving with him 

• Praying for the person seeking help 

• Hoping and believing for the one seeking help 

• Offering comfort 

• Helping the person seeking help to accept and grant forgiveness 

• Releasing him into independence after the process of bereavement 

179


TOPIC: PRACTICE COUNSELLING 3 (IN GROUPS) REGARDING BEREAVEMENT 


1. To conduct a practical counselling session in groups in which learning of 

counselling is met in view of bereavement and acute suffering. Remember input 

teaching as helpful resource for your counselling. 

2. Identify the ability of counselling skills within one self regarding bereavement and 

acute suffering case. 

3. Realise the need of getting counselling with regard to bereavement and suffering. 


1. In groups of three members we do counselling session in which one counsellor, 

one counselee and one observer. Each counselee can share a death occasion or 

an acute suffering incident. Each one can share things in accordance with the two 

phases of bereavement. 

60 Minutes 

2. Two counselling session could be done each takes 20 Minutes. 40 Minutes 

3. Observer can take 10 Minutes for each counselling session. 20 Minutes 

180


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: PRACTICE COUNSELLING 4 (DEMONSTRATION) REGARDING BEREAVEMENT 


1. Learn from demonstration of counselling session to know what happens in 

counselling with regard to bereavement of a child. 

2. Identify the ability of counselling skills within oneself with regard to counsel a 

suffering child. 


1. In the demonstration there is one counsellor and one counselee. A leader will 

be the counsellor and a student can be the counselee. The counselling 

subject will be ones experience with the bereavement when he was in 

childhood. 

2. In plenary a feedback session in which all could share their points in the 

evaluation of the demonstration counselling session. 

40 Minutes 

20 Minutes 

181


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

COUNSELLING THOUGHTS REGARDING CHILDREN ABOUT DEATH 


1. To understand the special nature of the bereavement of a child. 

2. To become knowledge about the practical tips to deal with the special 

nature of feeling and thoughts of bereaving child in order to help and stand by 

the child who is in great loss of loved ones and then in the difficulty of being alone. 



2. Feedback session on input session in plenary for collating the sharing 

regarding bereavement of children. 

20 Minutes 

TEACHING: COUNSELLING THOUGHTS REGARDING CHILDREN ABOUT DEATH 

General thoughts on dialogue with children about death 

Whenever and in whatever circumstances children ask about death and want to talk about it, the adult 

must never be evasive or play it down, in the hope that the child might forget what the adult does not 

want to or cannot answer. When the time is not suitable, of course, we have the right to postpone the 

moment for talking. Here it is important not to put it off indefinitely but to agree on a fixed time with the 

child, in order to show him we are taking him seriously and not trying to avoid the question, even if we 

are afraid of it. 

Children must be allowed to ask any kind of question. They must be answered openly and honestly, but 

with appropriate sensitivity and care! (What made you think of this?) This caution makes it possible to 

explore the child’s perception and to avoid overwhelming him. 

Usually a child is not seeking scientific explanations, but reassurance and clarification. With a child’s 

questions, one always has to read between the lines to discover the motive for asking. 

If necessary, one can also answer discreetly, symbolically or in pictures. 

At the end of each talk the child should be asked whether he is satisfied with the answer or if the 

answer is adequate. 

In no way you should give him the impression that now everything has been said. 

Frightening answers (“everyone has to die at some time”) must always be avoided. 

Expressions of faith, illustrative hopeful answers from the Holy Scriptures can be seen as a great 

treasure chest of possibilities for consolation. 

Children should be prepared carefully and early enough to face the question of death, especially if a 

near family member is in danger of dying. At this point it must be said very clearly and emphasized that 

it is not the confrontation with death but the experience of being left out that may cause the child 

trauma. 

Smaller children should by preference be allowed to visit the dying person at the beginning of the dying 

process. Young people can be expected to have a talk with the dying person. 

182

Of course, also for a visit to a sick person which might cause frightening impressions, just as in the 

case of a dying person, the child must be prepared beforehand in keeping with his age. 

Everyone needs to receive spiritual help and support during bereavement. One can help a person by 

enabling him to express and work out his feelings of fear and guilt, in order to obtain a realistic view of 

what has happened. 

Children should be prepared realistically for anticipated changes. 

It is best to have the funeral with the close family circle. 

Children should not be excluded from the funeral service, but rather be allowed to experience the reality 

in the security and protection of a trusted person. 

The question is often asked, how much a child can cope with. 

This depends among other things on the sensitivity, creativity and the perceptiveness of the person 

who talks with the child. 

A child should never be forced to talk. By observing his behaviour during a conversation one can often 

see if the child is ready to talk. Especially with children body language should never be ignored. 

It should always be noted: talking through bereavement with a child is a sensitising counselling task. 

Ways children express bereavement 

• Children cannot easily describe feelings 

• Children often react to a loss with rage, sometimes with undirected aggression but also with direct 

accusations against the parents or the “surviving” parent 

• What they feel they usually show by their actions (play, drawing, talking to themselves) 

• Unconsciously their emotional world is reflected in their bodily reactions (lack of appetite, restless 

sleep, sudden aggression, social withdrawal) 

• Children bereave immediately. They want to be sad when they want to 

• Children always want to be as normal as possible; anything that makes them feel insecure they try 

to repress 

• Children bereave erratically, ask straight when they are allowed to, may be extremely happy or 

deadly sad 

• Children often long to come together again (they set the table also for the dead person) 

• Children take intensive contact to pets and soft toys; these are always available and listen to them. 

Techniques in the process of bereavement with children 

• Dealing with bereavement through painting 

• Let him paint a picture of the time after the loss and talk it through 

• Let him paint a picture of the time before the loss and talk it through 

• After a time of working at these things (hours, days, weeks) maybe let him draw a third picture on 

the subject: how does the future look? Talk it through again 

• Let him imagine: what would I say to the dead or missing person? Use this fantasy to get into a 

discussion with the child 

• Let him write a letter, a poem, an essay 

• Work with a photo of the person concerned 

183



UNITS 15- 16 COMFORTING IN TIMES OF SUFFERING 






4. 








184

UNITS 17 - 19 PRAYER COUNSELLING, FORGIVENESS AND 

RECONCILIATION 

LEVEL 1: UNITS 17- 19 PRAYER COUNSELLING, FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION 


INNER HEALING 1: 

AN OVERVIEW 

SESSION 1 60 MINUTES THE 

WOUNDED 

HEART: ITS 

DEFINITION 

SOURCE OF 

HURTS: 


MINUTES 

SESSION 2 60 MINUTES HURTS NEVER 

JUST GO AWAY! 

SOME SYMPTOMS: 

PHYSICAL, 

MENTAL AND 

SPIRITUAL. 

“UNGODLY 

BELIEVES ABOUT 

OURSELVES” 

STEPS OF 

FORGIVENESS 

PROCESS AS A 

PART OF INNER 

HEALING 

OVERVIEW OF 

RECONCILIATIO 

N WITH FAMILY 

LIFE AND MY 

PAST 

HOW TO DEAL 

WITH SINS 

DONE BY 

OTHERS TO ME. 


DETECTION OF 

INNER WOUNDS 

AND MY 

CONFESSIONS 

HOW TO DETECT 

INNER WOUNDS 

GROUP-SESSIONS 

ON INNER 

HEALING 


MINUTES 

SESSION 3 60 MINUTES HOW TO RECEIVE 

HEALING 

STEPS OF 

PREPARATION 

HOW TO 

FORGIVE 

OTHERS 

CONNECTION 

BETWEEN GOOD & 

EVIL AND 

IMPULSES & 

THOUGHTS I 

MYSELF AM 

RESPONSIBLE FOR 

MY THOUGHTS. 


MINUTES 

SESSION 4 60 MINUTES INNER HEALING IN 

BRIEF 

HOW TO 

OVERCOME 

UNWILLINGNES 

S TO FORGIVE 

OTHERS. 

MAINTAIN INNER 

HEALING 2: MY 

CONFESSIONS 

185

UNIT 17: INNER HEALING 1: AN OVERVIEW 




AN OVERVIEW 


WOUNDED 

HEART: ITS 

DEFINITION 

SOURCE OF 

HURTS: 


MINUTES 


JUST GO AWAY! 


PHYSICAL, MENTAL 

AND SPIRITUAL. 

“UNGODLY 


OURSELVES” 

STEPS OF 

FORGIVENESS 

PROCESS AS A 

PART OF INNER 

HEALING 

OVERVIEW OF 

RECONCILIATIO 

N WITH FAMILY 

LIFE AND MY 

PAST 

HOW TO DEAL 

WITH SINS 

DONE BY 

OTHERS TO 

ME. 


DETECTION OF 

INNER WOUNDS 

AND MY 

CONFESSIONS 

HOW TO DETECT 

INNER WOUNDS 


ON INNER 

HEALING 


MINUTES 


HEALING 

STEPS OF 

PREPARATION 

HOW TO 

FORGIVE 

OTHERS 

CONNECTION 


EVIL AND 

IMPULSES & 

THOUGHTS I 

MYSELF AM 


MY THOUGHTS. 


MINUTES 


BRIEF 

HOW TO 

OVERCOME 

UNWILLINGNES 

S TO FORGIVE 

OTHERS. 


HEALING 2: MY 

CONFESSIONS 

186


TOPIC: THE WOUNDED HEART: ITS DEFINITION AND SOURCE 


1. To know the source of your inner wounds. 

2. To learn the definition of inner wounds. 

3. To become aware of the lies (destructive beliefs) formed in you due to 

inner wounds. 

60 Minutes 


1 Teaching about the wounded heart: its definition and its source 

Teacher can illustrate his wounded experience from childhood 

20 Minutes 

2 All could share their one or two wounded experience from childhood 

in brief in groups of 3 members. All could pay attention to their feelings 

and thoughts from those experience. 

3 Plenary session for collating ideas with regard to the lies (destructive beliefs) 

due to inner wounds that disrupt our relationships with people and with God 

25 Minutes 

15 Minutes 

TEACHING: THE WOUNDED HEART: 

ITS DEFINITION 

A wounded heart occurs when someone or something brings hurt to your emotions. 

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18. 

SOURCE OF HURTS: 

RESULT OF OFFENCE BROUGHT TO US FROM OTHERS: 

(People say and do things to hurt us) Proverbs 12:18 

An emotional bruise occurs often when someone receives a blow (a cut) to their personal identity. 

These blows usually come from those in authority (parents, teachers, and even ministers) or those 

whom the individual considers to be in a position of authority. It may occur in any number of ways, but 

here are a few illustrations. 

1. Let's say there is a young man who has a stern and critical dad. The young man may try his best to 

live up to the expectations of his father, but never makes it. He is told by his father, "You are just 

lazy and will never amount to anything." 

2. There is a young girl who is somewhat chubby, but all her peers are slender. She looks to her peers 

for approval, but they tease her by calling her "little pig". 

3. Sometimes in families, there are two children who are about the same age. The parents chose one 

187

as the favourite over the other. The less favoured one sees him/herself as "the family reject". 

4. Sometimes parents make stupid statements to a child comparing the child to a disliked family 

relative. They may say, "You are just like Aunt ______ ." 

5. Often preachers abuse their flocks by declaring, "You may be saved, but you are still just a sinner." 

6. Some place their identity in their job, ministry, family, or natural skills and when those fail, it gives a 

blow to the individual's identity, even a loss of identity. 

7. Finally, we may also inflict emotional bruises upon ourselves. We may make negative and 

destructive comments about ourselves, such as "I am just dumb." written by Dr Basil Frasure 

Points 1-7 © by Whole Person Counseling, Basil Frasure, PhD, used by permission 

http://www.wholeperson-counseling.org 

There are many lies that disrupt our relationships with people and with God. Here are a few common 

ones: 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm worthless, hopeless and can never change. 

God is no better than my natural father. If I couldn't please or trust my father, I can't trust God too. 

Satan doesn't exist and has no influence on me. (Satan loves to work hidden so that you think his 

lies are your own thoughts.) 

I'm unforgivable. 

I must look after my own interests and stay in control. 

I must keep worrying about my future since God can't be trusted. 

I must fight my way to my goals. 

The renewal is unscriptural, hysterical or demonic. God doesn't work that way. 

I'll never receive anything from God so I might as well stop asking. 

I'm spiritual enough; I don't need any more refining. I can just relax. 

I can never change. It's my nature. 

I can never forgive them. 

If we recognize that we are listening to lies, then we must ask God to expose them and free us from 

them. 

188


TOPIC: HURTS NEVER JUST GO AWAY! 


1. Learn to know deeply what happens in you through the hurts of inner wounds. 

2. Identify the symptoms of your inner hurts namely physical, mental and spiritual. 

60 Minutes 


1. Teaching while students listen actively 30 Minutes 

2. All will work out the LIST OF UNGODLY BELIEFS ABOUT OURSELVES 10 Minutes 

3. In groups of three all could share each one’s main 3 ungodly beliefs they 

detected in the list. That takes 7 Minutes each. 

20 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

Hurts Never Just Go Away! 

Hurts never just go away! Time will not bring complete healing to them. Whenever you remember the 

bitter experience, you feel hurt. Some people will even block out their memory so that they won't have 

to face hurt feelings, but they are still there. 

Some symptoms: physical, mental and spiritual, by Dr. Basil Frasure 

1. Physical 

Proverbs 17:22 “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” 

 

 

 

 

 

Nerve disorders 

Allergies 

Stomach problems 

Heart aches 

Insomnia 

2. Mental 

Proverbs 18:14 “A man's spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?” 

 

 

 

 

 

Depression 

Fits of anger and rage 

Confusion 

Various fears 

Shyness 

189

Dominance 

3. Spiritual 

Matthew 18:34 “In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay 

back all he owed.” 

 

 

 

 

Nightmares 

Hearing voices 

Seeing unusual things 

Lack of control of self 

“Ungodly Believes about Ourselves”, by Dr. Basil Frasure 

1. Result from our own sinful behaviour. 

Psalms 25:18 “Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins.” 

Proverbs 17:19 “He who loves a quarrel loves sin; he who builds a high gate invites destruction.” 

II Samuel 24:10. “David was conscience-stricken after he had counted the fighting men, and he said to 

the LORD, "I have sinned greatly in what I have done. Now, O LORD, I beg you, take away the guilt of 

your servant. I have done a very foolish thing." 

2. Result from a calamity. 

Job 3:25-26. “What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me. 

I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil." 

3. Result of the sins of the forefathers. 

Exodus 34:6-7. “And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The LORD, the LORD, the 

compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love 

to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; 

he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation." 

4. Result from drug and alcohol use. 

Proverbs 23:29-35. “Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has 

needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine, who go to sample bowls of 

mixed wine. Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down 

smoothly! In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper. Your eyes will see strange sights and 

your mind imagine confusing things. You will be like one sleeping on the high seas, lying on top of the 

rigging. "They hit me," you will say, "but I'm not hurt! They beat me, but I don't feel it! When will I wake 

up so I can find another drink?" 

5. Result from occult involvement. 

Leviticus 20:6. "I will set my face against the person who turns to mediums and spiritists to prostitute 

himself by following them, and I will cut him off from his people.” 

This teaching above is copyrighted by Whole Person Counseling, Basil Frasure, PhD, and used by 

permission, http://www.wholeperson-counseling.org 

190

LIST OF UNGODLY BELIEFS ABOUT OURSELVES by Betsy and Chester Kylstra 

Theme: Rejection, Not Belonging 

____1. I don't belong. I will always be on the outside (left out). 

____2. My feelings don't count. No one cares what I feel. 

____3. No one will love me or care about me just for myself. 

____4. I will always be lonely. The special man (woman) in my life will not be there for me. 

____5. I will isolate myself so that I won't be vulnerable to hurt, rejection, etc., any more. 

____6. ___________________________________________________________________ 

Theme: Unworthiness, Guilt, Shame 

____1. I am not worthy to receive anything from God. 

____2. I am the problem. When something is wrong, it is my fault. 

____3. I am a bad person. If you knew the real me, you would reject me. 

____4. I must wear a mask so that people won't find out how horrible I am and reject me. 

____5. I have messed up so badly that I have missed God's best for me. 

____6. ___________________________________________________________________ 

Theme: Doing to achieve Self-worth, Value, Recognition 

____1. I will never get credit for what I do. 

____2. My value is in what I do. I am valuable because I do good to others, because I am 

"successful". 

____3. Even when I do/give my best, it is not good enough. I can never meet the standard. 

____4. I will choose to be passive in order to avoid conflict that would risk others' disapproval. 

____5. God doesn't care if I have a "secret life", as long as I appear to be good. 

____6. ___________________________________________________________________ 

Theme: Control (to avoid hurt) 

____1. I have to plan every day of my life. I have to continually plan/strategize. I can't relax. 

____2. The perfect life is one in which no conflict is allowed so there is peace. 

____3. If I don’t do it, who will? 

____4. ___________________________________________________________________ 

Theme: Physical 

____1. I am unattractive. God shortchanged me. 

____2. I am doomed to have certain physical disabilities. They are just part of what I have 

inherited. 

____3. It is impossible to lose weight (or gain weight). I am just stuck. 

____4. I am not competent/complete as a man (woman). 

____5. ___________________________________________________________________ 

Theme: Personality Traits 

____1. I will always be (angry, shy, jealous, insecure, fearful, etc.). 

____2. ___________________________________________________________________ 

Theme: Identity 

____1. I should have been a boy (girl). Then my parents would have valued/loved me more, 

etc. 

____2. Men (women) have it better. 

____3. I will never be known or appreciated for my real self. 

____4. I will never really change and be as God wants me to be. 

____5. ___________________________________________________________________ 

Theme: Miscellaneous 

____1. I have wasted a lot of time and energy, some of my best years. 

191

____2 Turmoil is normal for me. 

____3. I will always have financial problems. 

____4. ___________________________________________________________________ 

Theme: Safety/Protection 

____1. I must be very guarded about what I say, since anything I say may be used against 

me. 

____2. I have to guard and hide my emotions and feelings. I cannot give anyone the satisfaction of 

knowing that they have wounded or hurt me. I'll not be vulnerable, 

humiliated, or shamed. 

____3. ___________________________________________________________________ 

____4. ___________________________________________________________________ 

Theme: Retaliation 

____I. The correct way to respond if someone offends me is to punish them by withdrawing 

and/or cutting them off. 

____2. ___________________________________________________________________ 

____3. ___________________________________________________________________ 

Theme: Victim 

____1. Authority figures will humiliate me and violate me. 

____2. They will just use and abuse me. 

____3. My value is based totally on others' judgment/prescription about me. 

____4. I am completely under their authority .I have no will or choice of my own. 

____5. I will not be known, understood, loved, or appreciated for who I am by those 

close to me. 

____6. ___________________________________________________________________ 

____7. ___________________________________________________________________ 

Theme: Hopelessness/Helplessness 

____1. I am out there all alone. If I get into trouble or need help, there is no one to 

rescue me. 

____2. ___________________________________________________________________ 

____3. ___________________________________________________________________ 

Theme: Defective in Relationships 

____1. I will never be able to fully give or receive love. I don't know what it is. 

____2. If I let anyone get close to me, I may get my heart broken again. I can't let myself risk it. 

____3. If l fail to please you, I won't receive your pleasure and acceptance of me. Therefore, 

I must strive even more. I must do whatever is necessary to try to please you. 

____4. ___________________________________________________________________ 

____5. ___________________________________________________________________ 

Theme: God 

____1. God loves others more than He loves me. 

____2. God only values me for what I do. My life is just a means to an end. 

____3. No matter how much I try, I'll never be able to do enough or do it well enough to 

please God. 

____4. God is judging me when I relax. I have to stay busy about His work or He will 

abandon me. 

____5. God has let me down before. He may do it again. I can't trust Him, or feel secure 

with Him. 

____6. ___________________________________________________________________ 

____7. ___________________________________________________________________ 

Printed by permission by: © Restoring The Foundations 2nd Edition-13 Application Questionnaire. 

See Restoring The Foundations website at www.restoringthefoundations.org 

192


TOPIC: HOW TO RECEIVE HEALING 


1. Learn to know the steps of the preparation for getting inner healing 

2. Learn to know the steps of how to receive inner healing. 


1 A demonstration of receiving inner healing is conducted before every body 

by two teachers, one is counsellor and the other is counselee. They go 

60 Minutes 

through seven steps of receiving healing given in teaching 

30 Minutes 

2 Plenary session for observation and feedback on the counselling session. 20 Minutes 

3 Question and Answer 10 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

How To Receive Healing, by Dr. Basil Frasure 

1. Make a list of your hurts. 

2. Begin with the greatest first. 

3. Ask God go cleanse your heart of all wrong attitudes (anger, bitterness, lust, unforgiveness, hate, 

revenge). 

Isaiah 1:18, "Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, 

they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” 

Isaiah 51:10, “Was it not you who dried up the sea, the waters of the great deep, who made a road in 

the depths of the sea so that the redeemed might cross over?” 

1 John 1:9. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from 

all unrighteousness. 

4. Picture your experience of being hurt in your mind. 

5. Now picture Jesus suffering the same hurt for you and overcoming it by his own death and 

resurrection. 

1 Peter 2:24. “He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for 

righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.” 

6. Next picture in your mind the resurrected Jesus offering healing to you. Listen to Jesus, he surely 

wants to give you a word. 

Luke 4:18-19. "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to 

the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to 

release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour." 

7. In faith ASK God to heal your heart in the name of Jesus. 

Ezekiel 36:26, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart 

of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” 

John 16:23. “In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you 

whatever you ask in my name.” 

193

NOTE: You should ask the Holy Spirit to reveal other hurts in your life that they may also be 

healed. Psalm 139:23-24. The Hebrew word that is translated "thoughts" literally means "disquieting 

thoughts" or the thoughts that keep us restless. The phrase that is translated "any wicked way" would 

be better translated "any way of pain". Therefore, we are to ask God to reveal to us any inner conflicts, 

show to us our emotional wounds, and then lead us in the way everlasting. 

Steps of preparation for getting inner healing: 

1. Give your heart to Jesus and let Him to become your Lord. (Lord = ruler) 

Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God 

raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” 

Philippians 2: 9, 10 “Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is 

above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and 

under the earth” 

2. If you have offended someone else, then confess your offence and ask them to forgive you. 

Matthew 5:23-24, "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your 

brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled 

to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” 

1 Peter 3:16. “Keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good 

behaviour in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.” 

3. Forgive (release) the person who has hurt you. 

Mathew 6:12, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” 

Mathew6:14-15. “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also 

forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” 

4. Put their judgment into God's hands and then ask God to forgive them for their offence toward you. 

Luke 23:24, “So Pilate decided to grant their demand.” 

Acts 7:60. “Then he fell on his knees and cried out, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." 

When he had said this, he fell asleep.” 

5. Yield your rights to God (possessions, respect, family, expectations). 

Matthew 19:21, “Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the 

poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." 

1Peter 5:5-6, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due 

time.” 

Luke 18:22, “When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have 

and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." 

Mark 8:34-37, Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come 

after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life 

will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to 

gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?” 

Psalm 119:165. Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble. 

WARNING: A wounded heart that doesn't receive healing is possibly an open door for evil spirits. 

Ephesians 4:26-27, "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and 

194

do not give the devil a foothold. 

1Peter 5:8, Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy, the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking 

for someone to devour. 

Genesis 4:4-7,” If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is 

crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it." 

Matthew 18:21-35. “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my 

brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, 

but seventy-seven times.” Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle 

accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was 

brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children 

and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. "The servant fell on his knees before him.’Be patient with 

me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, cancelled the 

debt and let him go. "But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him 

a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he 

demanded. "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you 

back.' "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the 

debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told 

their master everything that had happened. "Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked 

servant,' he said, 'I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had 

mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to 

be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of 

you unless you forgive your brother from your heart." 

God’ provision 

1. God cares about your broken heart. Psalms 34:18, 51:17. 

2. God healed David's heart and He will also heal yours. Psalm 147:3, Hebrews 13:8. 

3. Jesus was sent to heal the broken hearted. Luke 4:18. 

4. Jesus, Himself, suffered all the hurts that one could suffer. Isaiah 53:1-12, John 1:11, Luke 22:57, 

23:35-37, Matthew 27:46. 

5. Through the suffering of Jesus, God has provided the healing for your hurts. Isaiah 53:5. 

6. God desires to heal your hurts. I Peter 5:7. 

7. God must have control of your whole heart before He can heal it. Jeremiah 29:13, Revelation 3:20 

Note: God will (normally) only change what he has control over. 

The ways people respond: 

Some people respond by backing away from the situation to allow time for healing. They often turn 

inward and brood over their hurts. The hurts become like a big sore risen just waiting for someone 

to prick it with a sharp word, then out comes all the corruption of anger, bitterness, hate, 

revenge, and fear. The rejection they then receive brings more hurts. 

Others respond by immediately striking back trying to balance their hurt with anger and revenge or 

by trying to protect themselves from further hurt to allow time for healing. However, scar tissue 

(hardness of heart) soon appears. As they enter into relationships, they are rejected for their 

hardness and receive more hurts. Please understand that one receives healing only through the 

intervention of God. 

Be aware: Forgiving people does not mean that you automatically should trust them. As an 

example: An abusing father is still dangerous for you and you should avoid to be alone with him. 



195


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: INNER HEALING IN BRIEF 


1. Learn to acquire inner healing through its steps in brief 

2. Learn to look at man and woman with God’s sight. 



2. All sit in group of three; one is counsellor, second is counselee and third is observer. 

Each one can take one real hurtful incident: 

Each one spends 10 Minutes to go through the steps guided by the counsellor. 

After each session observer uses 5 Minutes for feedback. 

45 Minutes 

3. Alternatively: only two share one real hurtful incident and spend 20 minutes each. 

TEACHING: 

Inner Healing In Brief, by Dr. Basil Frasure 

1. Accuse the person who has offended you in the presence of the Lord (not in the presence of the 

particular person) and then forgive him. (Matthew 6:12, Matthew 6: 14-15, Matthew 18:21-35). 

a. Others 

b. God 

c. Self 

2. Place the judgment of the offender/s into God's hands and ask Him to forgive them. 

(Luke 23:34, Acts 7:60). 

3. Confess your own sins to God: unforgiveness, anger, bitterness, hate, revenge, thoughts of murder, 

suicide, guilt, fear, etc. 

a. Ask God to forgive you and to cleanse you. (I John 1:9) (A wound needs to be cleansed of dirt 

before it can be healed). 

b. If you feel that anger or something else is still there, then: (A wound needs to be cleansed of 

infection also). 

(1) Bind the emotion or spiritual power in the name of Jesus. (Matthew 12:29, 16:19) 

(2) Command it to leave in the name of Jesus. (Mark 16:17) 

(3) Then ask the Holy Spirit if you are clear of the spirit. 

(4) If you are not clear, then that spirit is attracted to another. 

(5) Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the other spirit. 

196

(6) Then bind and cast all of them out in the name of Jesus. 

4. Ask God to heal you of the hurts through the suffering of Jesus and by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

(Luke 4:18, Isaiah. 53:4, Psalms 147:3) (Pray until you are healed). 

5. Ask God to fill your heart with His love and the power of the Holy Spirit so that you can view the 

memory through God's love and from His perspective of truth. (Ephesians 3:17-19). (We have a 

tendency to colour our memories). 

NOTE [1]: We should ask the Holy Spirit to bring to our minds each and every hurtful memory that 

we have experienced, that we may, by God's grace, walk through these steps and receive healing 

for every one of them. (Romans 8:16) “The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's 

children.” 

NOTE [2]: The Holy Spirit will comfort us and guide us through each memory as we invite Him to 

do so. (John 14:18) “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” 

NOTE [3]: God doesn't want to waste any of our experiences of hurts, freedom and healing, but wants 

us to share them with others as directed of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 8:28-29, “And we know that in all 

things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 

For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might 

be the firstborn among many brothers.” 

2 Corinthians 2:15-16 “For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and 

those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And 

who is equal to such a task?” 



About the Author 

The author of this article, Dr. Basil Frasure, is an Ordained Minister and Counsellor. He currently serves as a 

Pastoral Counsellor with Whole Person Counselling of San Angelo, Texas. He has a Master of Divinity Degree 

and a Ph.D. Degree in Christian Counselling. He is a faithful minister, an effective counsellor, and an able 

teacher of the Word of God. He is also a member of American Association of Christian Counsellors. 

He has previously authored How To Destroy The Evil Tree, an informative book on overcoming generational 

curses. More recently, he has authored Bringing Every Thought Captive, Vol. 1, an informative manual on 

Whole Person Counselling and also a great self-help book. He also has designed and taught competent 

counselling courses. The material and graphics in this article , "The Wounded Heart", were taken from 

Bringing Every Thought Captive, Vol. 1, copyrighted, 1996, by Basil Frasure, Ph.D. 

Dr. Basil Frasure, replenished by Jörg George Schori 

197

UNIT 18: STEPS OF FORGIVENESS PROCESS AS A PART OF INNER HEALING 




AN OVERVIEW 


WOUNDED 

HEART: ITS 

DEFINITION 

SOURCE OF 

HURTS: 


MINUTES 


JUST GO AWAY! 




“UNGODLY 


OURSELVES” 


MINUTES 


HEALING 

STEPS OF 

PREPARATION 


MINUTES 


BRIEF 

STEPS OF 

FORGIVENESS 

PROCESS AS A 

PART OF INNER 

HEALING 

OVERVIEW OF 

RECONCILIATIO 

N WITH FAMILY 

LIFE AND MY 

PAST 

HOW TO DEAL 

WITH SINS 

DONE BY 

OTHERS TO 

ME. 

HOW TO 

FORGIVE 

OTHERS 

HOW TO 

OVERCOME 

UNWILLINGNES 

S TO FORGIVE 

OTHERS. 


DETECTION OF 

INNER WOUNDS 

AND MY 

CONFESSIONS 

HOW TO DETECT 

INNER WOUNDS 


ON INNER 

HEALING 

CONNECTION 


EVIL AND 

IMPULSES & 

THOUGHTS I 

MYSELF AM 


MY THOUGHTS. 


HEALING 2: MY 

CONFESSIONS 

198


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

OVERVIEW OF RECONCILIATION WITH FAMILY LIFE AND MY PAST 


1. To know the source of good and bad things happened in my 

life especially in the past. 

2. To learn to reconcile with my past life especially in the family. 

3. To become aware of the sins done by others to me and also 

reconcile with those people. 


1. Teaching about the overview of reconciliation with family life and my past 

And how to deal with the sine done to us by others 

20 Minutes 

2 Discuss in groups of three: 25 Minutes 

How do parents sin against their children? 

How do the children sin against each other? 

How do children sin against the parents? 

How do teachers sin against their students? 

How do Christians sin against Christians? 

3 Plenary session for collating ideas with regard to the sins done 

by others that disrupts our relationships with people and with God. 

15 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

OVERVIEW OF RECONCILIATION WITH FAMILY LIFE AND MY PAST: 

INTRODUCTION 

“Honour your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving 

you.” (Exodus 20:12) 

For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver and gold that you were redeemed 

from the empty way of life handed down to you from the forefathers, but with the precious blood of 

Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. (1.Pt 1:18-19) 

Both are true! 

When I look at my family or my family members or my position in my original family: What do I see? A 

mixture of good and bad things. The Power of sin. My personality is a result of different powers, having 

worked deeply on my, body, mind, soul, spirit. 

Blind fate? Accidentally, without sense and purpose? Am I a poor victim of inconvenient and unhappy 

circumstances being condemned to life long suffering because of that? Does God prefer some people 

by placing them into good families? No! 

He wants me to reconcile with my family situation, with my childhood and youth within my family no 

matter, how it was in terms of happiness or quality. Honour your past family life but be and live 

redeemed of it! Or: Take it out of God’s hands, let it be your friend, helping you, but do not let it rule 

over you. 

199

THE DETAILS OF RECONCILIATION WITH OUR PAST 

Study your past family life 

Do not let it sit on you shoulder, invisible but oppressive. Look into the eyes and in the face of your 

past, listen to your past, analyze it, and study your family. Be a good observer of your own past and 

then of the past of the counselee. 

Study your family position. What did it to you? How did it shape you? What did you do with it? When 

your position was difficult, did you decrease the harm or increase the harm by your reactions? Did you 

make it worse or better? 

1. Grieve and mourn for the things you missed 

Let come out your hurts and pains. Weep, if necessary. Be not ashamed of that. There were problems. 

And people did sin against you. And sometimes or even often it was very difficult for you indeed. 

2. Accuse and speak forgiveness to your family members 

On next session we will hear more about that. 

Name the sins in detail and forgive it in the presence of God. 

Example: Lord, my brother has touched me so often in such a shameful way…I hate him for that! But 

now I want to forgive him with your help and by your grace. 

3. Pray for forgiveness for your own sins and sinful reactions 

Example: To gain power about my younger sister, because I was so jealous of her, because my mother 

preferred her, I accused her often falsely and said bad things about her to my mother. And still today I 

have that tendency to judge others around me to improve my position… 

4. Accept your past family life as God’s moulding hand 

It was not an accident! God placed you purposefully, deliberately there. He wanted to use your parents 

and your siblings to shape your life according to the purpose and calling of your life: 

“All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be (Ps 139:16) 

And before in verse 15 of Psalm 139: “When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes 

saw my unformed body.” 

And this weaving process continues, when someone is borne! 

God wanted to use our parents, sisters and brothers to weave into our character his desired pattern 

according to the plans and callings which already had been in his mind for our lives. And often we spoil 

or sabotage that pattern by our sinful reaction, but fortunately there will be enough good traces left, the 

Lord still can use it and cleanse it and restore it. 

200

HOW TO DEAL WITH SINS DONE BY OTHERS TO ME. 

Most important scripture to understand how to deal with sins done to me is 

Matthew 18:21-35 

Introduction 

• Bitterness, Hatred, Resistance to forgive others is common and widespread. It was on the earth 

since earliest times: 

Gen 4: 23-24. “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if 

there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” 

Matthew 18:21 “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother 

when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" 

Romans 12:19 “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is 

mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.” 

• Others have sinned and will sin against us as a matter of fact 

Matthew 18:21 “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother 

when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" 

Col 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. 

Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 

2Tim 4:16 “At my first defence, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be 

held against them.” 

• To refuse to forgive others will be answered by God to withhold or even withdraw his forgiveness to 

us 

Matthew 18:32-35 “Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I cancelled all 

that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant 

just as I had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should 

pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your 

brother from your heart." 

Matthew 6:12-15 “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into 

temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your 

heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not 

forgive your sins.” 

Eph 4:26-27 “In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not 

give the devil a foothold.” 

Luke 6:37 “Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. 

Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” 

• Often we forgive others too superficially It does not bring fruit. It is not really from the heart. 

201


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

HOW TO FORGIVE OTHERS1 


1. Learn to know the different aspects in the act of forgiving. 

2. Learn to know the various steps in leading towards the forgiving act as a 

matter of decision prompted by God. 


1. TEACHING: (Read as a group through Matthew 18:22-35.) 15 Minutes 

2. Group assignment in plenary 15 Minutes 

3. TEACHING Matthew 18 10 Minutes 

4. Group assignment in plenary 10 Minutes 

5. Individual Assignment 10 Minutes 

TEACHING: (Read as a group through Matthew 18:22-35 (15 Minutes) 

How to forgive others 

Introductory remarks 

We stay close to Matthew 18:21-35. 

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he 

sins against me? Up to seven times?" 

22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. 

23 "Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 

24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 

25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that 

he had be sold to repay the debt. 

26 "The servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back 

everything.' 

27 The servant's master took pity on him, cancelled the debt and let him go. 

28 "But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred 

denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded. 

29 "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.' 

30 "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 

31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told 

their master everything that had happened. 

32 "Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I cancelled all that debt of 

yours because you begged me to. 

34 In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he 

owed. 

35 "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your 

heart." 

202

Notice: It is usually not one short action, but a whole process. This process is well illustrated in Matthew 

18: 22-35 

2. Group assignment in plenary (15 Minutes) 

Discuss: 

What do we learn about forgiveness? 

Consider the master: What did he exactly do? 

How can we apply that? 

3. TEACHING: 10 Minutes 

1. Verse 21: Who is the “Brother”? 

Not a strange person, but a person whom live with, whom we often see: Father, mother, teacher, sister, 

friend, pastor, leader, fellow worker and so on. 

Keep in mind: The nearer a person is to you, the more it hurts, when he sins against you and the more 

difficult it is to forgive, because you trusted him and you feel betrayed. 

2. Verse 22: True Forgiveness is unlimited 

How often shall I forgive my “brother”? Jesus does not leave any possibility to limit forgiveness. But to 

be able to do that we must consider the whole process! 

The next step: 

3. Verse 23: Settling accounts! 

We must take time and diligence to that. Forgiveness starts with good book-keeping. Naming the sins 

as precisely as possible. 

Very often we forgive too fast, too superficial, too “foggy”, too imprecisely. We hesitate to go into 

details, but it is necessary. 

We have to go to the court of justice, we have to accuse (put forward our say), but not to judge, to 

condemn, to punish! Sometimes this takes day or even weeks. 

4. Group assignment in plenary (10 Minutes) 

Discuss: What is the difference between accusing (We are allowed to do that), and condemning and 

judging (We are not allowed to do that)? 

5. Individual Assignment (10 Minutes) 

Think of one hurtful incident in your childhood, when someone sinned against you. Take time to 

remember, to visualize the incident, to feel the pain. 

What did happen exactly? 

Write it down on a white paper as precisely and as thoroughly as possible: 

Who did it, how, how often, what was the result, how did you feel and so on? 

203


TOPIC: HOW TO FORGIVE OTHERS 2 


1. Learn to know the different aspects in the act of forgiving. 

2. Learn to know the various steps in leading towards the forgiving act as a 

matter of decision and compassion prompted by God. 


The continuation of the previous session. 

60 Minutes 

1. Based on the previous session, after going through the hurtful 

incident, we think what we are going to do with that incident. 

Write down your word of decision on the incident especially 

with the person who did that. What do you in your heart want 

to do with the accused person? What ever comes in your mind, 

do write them on a sheet of paper. It takes ten Minutes. 

10 Minutes 

2. TEACHING: 15 Minutes 

3. Group assignment in plenary 20 Minutes 

4. TEAHING: 15 Minutes 

2. TEACHING: (15 Minutes) 

4. Verse 27a: Taking pity (Feeling mercy) 

“The servants master took pity on him.” How can I do that, if someone destroyed my life? 

- God takes my accusation very serious 

Luke 18:6-8 “And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about 

justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? 

Rev 6:10-11 “They called out in a loud voice, "How long, Sovereign Lord, holy and true, until you judge 

the inhabitants of the earth and avenge our blood?" Then each of them was given a white robe, and 

they were told to wait a little longer, until the number of their fellow servants and brothers who were to 

be killed as they had been was completed.” 

Romans 12:19 “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is 

mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.” 

- My adversary will be judged and punished by God! 

Rom 2:6 “God "will give to each person according to what he has done." 

204

2. Tim 4:14 “Keep reminding them of these things. Warn them before God against quarrelling about 

words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen.” 

Jud 1: 14-15 “Enoch, the seventh from Adam, prophesied about these men: "See, the Lord is coming 

with thousands upon thousands of his holy ones to judge everyone, and to convict all the ungodly of all 

the ungodly acts they have done in the ungodly way, and of all the harsh words ungodly sinners have 

spoken against him." 

Rev 20:12 “And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. 

Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had 

done as recorded in the books.” 

Matthew 12:36-37 “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every 

careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be 

condemned." 

- My adversary is in a terrible situation! 

5. Verse 27b: Cancelling the debt 

This has to be spoken out clearly and precisely. “I forgive....that he.......I put away this sin between him 

and me.... 

- Not a feeling but a decision, a legal act in the heart 

- A decision not to take avenges, to punish, to judge, to reproach anymore 

See 

Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is 

mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. 

Matthew 18:28-30 

“28 But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred 

denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded. 

29 "His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.' 

30 "But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the 

debt. 

- “I stop to punish you, stop to curse you, and stop to give room for evil thoughts 

about you”. 

- I do not mention your sin any more 

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- My door is open for the development of a new relationship 

(see the father of the lost son!) 

- Stopping to hold someone captive in my own heart 

- Releasing someone of any obligations: 

“I forgive you = I do not expect from you any longer to pay back your debts to me”. 

- What about Verses 31-35: Withdrawing our forgiveness? 

- God may do this, but we are not allowed to do this. 

- This is exclusively God’s business! 

- We have to stick to our decision and to return to it as often as necessary! 

3. Group assignment in plenary (20 Minutes) 

Discuss: what is the difference between forgetting and forgiving in the context of cancelling of debts? 

What is the difference between feeling and decision in the context of forgiving? 

4. TEACHING: 15 Minutes 

6. Words and Actions of blessing 

Rom 12:14+20 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. On the contrary: "If your 

enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap 

burning coals on his head." 

1Pt 3:9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called 

so that you may inherit a blessing. 

1Thess 5:15 Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other 

and to everyone else. 

We read in Verses 28+30: “.... 

He grabbed him and began to choke him... 

He went of and had the man thrown into prison...” 

Discuss: How do we today “grab”, and “choke” and “imprison” people? 

What are favourite methods of private revenge? (Example: nagging, throwing tantrums...) 

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60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

HOW TO OVERCOME UNWILLINGNESS TO FORGIVE OTHERS. 


1. Learn to know the obstacle of unwillingness to forgive others in the light of 

forgiving act. 

2. Learn to overcome the act of unwillingness to forgive others with God’s sight. 


1. TEACHING 20 Minutes 

2. Group assignment in groups of three members (see below) 20 Minutes 

3. Group Assignment in plenary (see below) 20 Minutes 

1. TEACHING: (20 Minutes) 

HOW TO OVERCOME UNWILLINGNESS TO FORGIVE OTHERS 

1. Realizing my own sin 

Very often both parties are involved! Did I answer sin with sin? Did I provoke sin? 

2. Realizing the blessings of forgiveness 

a) Three open doors 

A door between God and the forgiving one, a door between the forgiving one and the forgiven one, 

a door between the forgiven one and God (See the prayer of Stephen, Acts 7:60, and the future of 

Paul) 

b) Facilitation of inner Healing 

Your hurts can be healed by the power of the Spirit, when the wound is purified. A wound with 

bitterness and an unforgiving attitude is like an infected wound, which will be and will stay ulcerated. 

c) Transformation of character 

By practicing forgiveness, especially in very difficult circumstances, you learn to love like God. 

3. Realizing the curses of withholding forgiveness 

a) Three shut doors 

A door to God, a door to the offender, a door between the offender and God 

b) Prevention of Inner Healing 

My inner hurts will fester and will not heal 

c) My Father in heaven will withhold his forgiveness 

(Matthew. 6:14) “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also 

forgive you.” 

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d) My Father in heaven will deliver me into the “jail”, to the “torturers” 

(Matthew. 18:34-35) “In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should 

pay back all he owed. "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your 

brother from your heart." 

e) Hindering spiritual maturity 

Without practicing forgiveness my spiritual life will not make progress, I will stay like a little child and not 

grow strong. 

4. Understanding that mercy does not cancel God’s judgment 

When I forgive I put away the sin between me and the offender, but not between him and God, the 

future judgment and punishment of God is not cancelled! Every person in the world, who suffers 

unrighteousness, will get justice! 

Notice: Do forgive someone does not mean to approve his sin or to minimize or belittling it 

5. Understanding that mercy does not necessarily allow the offender to continue with his sin against 

me 

6. Go to the offender and confront him 

Choose convenient circumstances and share with the person, how you felt and what it did in your life, 

when he sinned against you 

2. Group assignment in groups of three members (20 Minutes) 

1. Repeat in a group discussion on these six points helps to overcome unwillingness to forgive. Out of 

your own experiences and ideas add other things which might prove helpful. 

2. We read: “In anger his master turned him over to the jailors to be tortured…this is how my heavenly 

father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” How does this “torturing” 

happen today? 

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Some practical advises for counsellors 

1. Pray together for willingness to forgive 

2. Give the counselee sufficient time to share his hurts, to “settle accounts” 

3. Do not demand to forgive others too early 

4. Help the counselee to understand the difference between the decision to forgive and the feeling 

of forgiveness 

5. God wants the decision of our heart and not nice feelings. They will come later. 

6. Eventually use an “empty chair” 

7. Let the counselee visualize the offender sitting on that chair telling and accusing him, what he 

had done wrong. 

8. Let the counselee write a long letter to the offender without mailing it 

9. Let the counselee write down a complete list of the accusations 

After that go together through the list and then let him tear it apart or burn it 

Individual Assignment in private 

Make notes: Which points of this teaching seem to me especially important and why? What have I not 

fully understood? Do I have any unanswered question concerning forgiveness to others, practically, 

theologically, else? 

Share your notes with the group (See below) 

Individual assignment in private 

Think of your past life. 

Have I really practiced forgiveness towards those who have sinned against me? 

Make notes concerning the incidents and people, which have not yet been fully forgiven. 

Then choose someone of your group as counsellor and take time to go together with him through the 

process of forgiveness. 

If you both get stuck in the counselling procedure, ask for help of the team. 

3. Group Assignment in plenary (20 Minutes) 

Share in group of the importance of forgiveness and if not its consequence in the light God’s justice. 

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UNIT 19: INNER HEALING 2: DETECTION OF INNER WOUNDS AND MY CONFESSIONS 




AN OVERVIEW 


WOUNDED 

HEART: ITS 

DEFINITION 

SOURCE OF 

HURTS: 


MINUTES 


JUST GO AWAY! 




“UNGODLY 


OURSELVES” 


MINUTES 


HEALING 

STEPS OF 

PREPARATION 


MINUTES 


BRIEF 

STEPS OF 

FORGIVENESS 

PROCESS AS A 

PART OF INNER 

HEALING 

OVERVIEW OF 

RECONCILIATIO 

N WITH FAMILY 

LIFE AND MY 

PAST 

HOW TO DEAL 

WITH SINS 

DONE BY 

OTHERS TO 

ME. 

HOW TO 

FORGIVE 

OTHERS 

HOW TO 

OVERCOME 

UNWILLINGNES 

S TO FORGIVE 

OTHERS. 


DETECTION OF 

INNER WOUNDS 

AND MY 

CONFESSIONS 

HOW TO DETECT 

INNER WOUNDS 


ON INNER 

HEALING 

CONNECTION 


EVIL AND 

IMPULSES & 

THOUGHTS I 

MYSELF AM 


MY THOUGHTS. 


HEALING 2: MY 

CONFESSIONS 

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60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

HOW TO DETECT INNER WOUNDS 


1. To know how to detect the visible and told symptoms regarding inner wounds. 


1. Teaching about how to detect inner wounds. Explain the visible 

and told symptoms of detecting inner wounds. 

2. Demonstration of a counselling session with a trainer as a counsellor. 

While counselling all students could use 

Work sheet on how to detect inner wounds as observes. 

3. Plenary session for collating ideas with regard to 

the detection of inner wounds. 

20 Minutes 

20 Minutes 

20 Minutes 

TEACHING: How to detect inner wounds 

Explain the Worksheet WORK SHEET ON HOW TO DETECT INNER WOUNDS. 

Work with the students on the following questions: 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Which symptoms may develop, when someone had a dominating father or mother or a physically 

challenged sibling? 

Which handicaps you may suffer, if born in a high / low cast? 

As a refugee? 

As a child of divorced parents? 

Or drug addicted parents. 

Or Parents abusing you. 

Or as a child of parents, who died in your early childhood. 

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Eyes 

Mouth 

Facial expressions 

Head 

Shoulders and neck 

Arms and hands 

Legs and feet 

Body 

Breath 

Voice 

movements 

WORK SHEET ON HOW TO DETECT INNER WOUNDS 

Visible symptoms 

could mean 

Direct eye contact 

Lack of eye contact 

Looking down or away 

Fixed staring 

Squinting or furrowed brow 

Teary eyes or tears 

Smiling 

Tight lips 

Quivering lips 

Biting or chewing of lips 

Flushed face, stone face 

Eyes open wide and mouth 

opening 

Nodding up and down 

Shaking left to right 

Hanging 

Cocked to one side 

Slouched 

Raised 

Neck rolls 

Folded arms 

Trembling hands 

Open gesturing 

Stiff and/or unmoving 

Crossing and uncrossing 

Foot tapping 

Stiff and/or controlled 

movements 

Leaning forward, away or back 

Turned to the side 

Rocking or repetitive motion 

Habitual movement (e.g., 

tapping, hair twirling, squirming) 

Slow and deep breathing 

Hyperventilation (over 

breathing) 

Short, flat, and choppy 

Soft, laud, pressed, low, high 

Like a Micky Mouse, like a bear 

Quickly, slow, sharp, soft 

Powerful, -less 

Full of tension, relaxed 

Brusque, measured, stiffen and 

inhibited 

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Told symptoms 

could mean 

Health 

Feelings 

Behaviour 

Relations 

other 

Heartbeats 

Sweat 

headache 

other 

fear of dogs / of spiders 

quick rage 

depression 

persecute 

other 

forgetful 

lazy 

cannot keep promises 

other 

always responsible for all 

often the last 

they are against me 

they don’t aware that I’m here 

other 

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60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

GROUP-SESSIONS ON INNER HEALING 


1. Practise counselling session on detecting inner wounds. 


1. All students sit in threes; one counsellor, one, counselee and one 

observer. All can take turns after each counselling session. You can 

work with the incident you worked out in Unit 18, sessions 2 and 3 or 

work with a new incident. 

60 Minutes 

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60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

CONNECTION BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL IMPULSES AND THOUGHTS 

I MYSELF AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY THOUGHTS. 


1. Learn to know the different aspects in the act of thoughts and impulses. 

2. Learn to know the various steps in leading towards the act of decision 

with thoughts and impulses. 


1. Teaching : 35 Minutes 

2. Group work in plenary 25 Minutes 

TEACHING: 20 Minutes 

1 Good and evil develop from Impulses and Thoughts 

Good: 

Mat 9:20-22 ISV Just then a woman who had been suffering from chronic bleeding for twelve years 

came up behind him and touched the tassel of his garment. (21) For she had been saying to herself, "If 

I just touch his robe, I will get well." (22) When Jesus turned and saw her, he said, "Be courageous, 

daughter! Your faith has made you well." And from that very hour the woman was well. 

The woman had been speaking to herself, she had thought and pondered, her thoughts developed into 

faith and faith led her into action to touch Jesus and she was healed. 

Evil: 

2Sa 11:2.4 MKJV (2) And it happened one evening, David arouse from his bed and walked on the roof 

of the king’s house. And from the roof he saw a woman bathing. And the woman was very beautiful to 

look upon. (3) And David sent and asked about the woman. And one said, Is not this Bathsheba, the 

daughter of Eliam, the wife Uriah the Hittite? (4) And David sent messengers and took her. And she 

came in to him, and he lay with her. And she had purified herself fr0m her uncleanness. And she 

returned to her house. 

1. He saw 

2. He desired (lustful thoughts and feelings ) , 

James 1:13f (When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot 

be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil 

desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; 

and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. 

3. He sought information 

4. He went into action 

An impression, an impulse from within or from outside becomes a thought, a chain of thoughts and it 

influences me and my actions: 

When my big brother always cheats me while my sister protects me, again and again I will be afraid of 

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“big brothers” even if they are nice and I will seek “protective sisters”. This will only change when I 

consciously stop seeing “big brothers” as cheats. 

If I experience that I can trust my parents’ words, I conclude that all grown-ups are trustworthy. I will 

find easy to trust. 

If a cow kicks me, I will probably be afraid of cows for years, although most of them are quite gentle. 

But I have been influenced by this experience and my thoughts and feelings tell me that cows are 

dangerous. This will only change when I stop transferring my experience to all cows. 

Inventors start their inventions in their imagination, letting their thoughts fly and suddenly something 

comes into being. 

A life of sin or obedience is primarily determined by what and how I think, what I let in my head and 

heart and what not! 

2 I myself am responsible for my thoughts 

Many people believe, something in them thinks and feels. They believe they are at the mercies of their 

own chains of thoughts and the feelings that follow those thoughts. 

This is absolutely not true. It is true that I can do nothing about the fact that bad thoughts flash through 

my head but I can do something about not letting them make a nest in my head. 

Gen 4:5-7 MKJV but He (God) did not have respect to Cain and to his offering. And Cain glowed with 

anger, and his face fell. (6) And Jehovah said to Cain, Why have you angrily glowed? And why did 

your face fall? (7) If you do well, shall you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin crouches 

at the door; and its desire is for you, and you shall rule over it. 

Cain was fully responsible for his anger, behaviour and his thoughts which already went in the direction 

of sin; he should have rule over them. 

Basically this is valid: I myself am responsible for what I think and what not. I am not responsible 

for sinful thoughts flashing into my head but for how I deal with them. 

If we do not hold on to the truth of God, we deliver ourselves to sin. 

Rom 1:28 MKJV And even as they did not think fit to have God in their knowledge, God gave them over 

to a reprobate mind, to do the things not right, 

For this reason the prayer in Ps. 139:23f is very important to us: 

Ps. 139:23-24 MKJV Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts, (24) and 

see if any wicked way is in me; and lead me in the way everlasting. 

Since we are fully responsible for what goes on in our inner life and which becomes words and deeds, 

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God can judge or reward us, human beings. We are totally responsible! 

2Co 5:10 MKJV We must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive 

the things done through the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad. 

The way I deal with my thoughts is something very central. For this reason, in counselling, we again 

and again have to work at recognising wrong thinking patterns and, together with the clients, practise 

the Biblical mental discipline 

3 Approaches for dealing with thoughts 

According to Eph. 4:22-24; 2Cor.10:4-6; Col.3 

Eph 4:22-24 MKJV For you ought to put off the old man (according to your way of living before) who is 

corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, (23) and be renewed in the spirit of your mind. (24) And you 

should put on the new man, who according to God was created in righteousness and true holiness. 

2Co 10:4-6 MKJV For the weapons of our warfare are not fleshly, but mighty through God to the pulling 

down of strongholds, (5) pulling down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the 

knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought into the obedience of Christ; (6) and having 

readiness to avenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled. 

Col 3:1-16 MKJV If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ 

is sitting at the right hand of God. (2) Be mindful of things above, not on things on the earth. (3) For you 

died, and your life has been hidden with Christ in God. (4) When Christ our Life is revealed, then you 

also will be revealed with Him in glory. (5) Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: 

fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness (which is idolatry), (6) on account of 

which things' sake the wrath of God is coming on the sons of disobedience, (7) among whom you also 

once walked, when you lived in these. (8) But now also put off all these things: anger, wrath, malice, 

blasphemy, shameful speech out of your mouth. (9) Do not lie to one another, having put off the old 

man with his deeds (10) and having put on the new, having been renewed in knowledge according to 

the image of Him who created him, (11) where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision and un 

circumcision, foreigner, Scythian, slave or freeman, but Christ is all things in all. (12) Therefore, as the 

elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender feelings of mercy, kindness, humbleness of mind, 

meekness, long-suffering, (13) forbearing one another and forgiving yourselves, if anyone has a 

complaint against any. As Christ forgave you, so also you do. (14) And above all these things put on 

love, which is the bond of perfectness. (15) And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which you 

also are called in one body, and be thankful. (16) Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly in all 

wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with 

grace in your hearts to the Lord. 

Group work in plenary: 25 Minutes 

What principles concerning ungodly thinking do we recognise in the above mentioned Bible passages? 

How do thoughts and impulses affect my behaviour positively and negatively in day to day life? 

What helps us to turn away from the old thinking and behavioural patterns? What helps us to practise a 

new kind of thinking and behaviour? 

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TOPIC: MAINTAIN INNER HEALING 2: MY CONFESSIONS 


1. Learn to practise my confessions aloud on what I have in Christ. 

2. Learn to heal inner wounds with my confessions on Christ. 

60 Minutes 


1. Teaching: introducing “My Personal confessions” 10 Minutes 

2. Give a demonstration for doing my personal confessions aloud. 5 Minutes 

3. Every Student works out his five momentarily most important 

confessions from the list below 

15 Minutes 

4. In groups of three: every student explains why these five confessions 

are momentarily important for him and confesses them before the 

group. Everyone takes 10 Minutes. 

30 Minutes 

TEACHING: (10 Minutes) 

Proverb 18: 21The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. 

My Personal Confessions, by Basil Frasure, PhD 

To confess means "to agree with ...." . 

It helps to grow in the faith to read and confess God’s truths about our lives. I suggest that you make 

these truths your regular confessions. But be aware of that it is not so much about the technique of 

confession. It is more about the growing of confidence and faith in the inner truth of the word of God. 

It’s about the growing insight that the word of God is relevant for your own life and identity. 

Again: We will grow in our faith and maturity. Confessions by heart will help us to agree with what the 

Word of God says about who we are and what we have in Christ 

A suggestion on how to work with that list of confessions during the period of some weeks: 

1. Write at the left side of every confession one “x” when you have read the confession aloud at least 

seven times. 

2. Write at the left side of every confession an other “x” when you have looked up the Scripture 

reference for the confession. 

3. Write at the left side of every confession a third “x” when the confession has become a reality in 

your life. 

x x x 

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1. I am born again from above (I Peter 1:23, John 3:3). 

2. My first birth was a fleshly birth, but the second birth is a spiritual birth (John 3:1-8). 

3. I am born of the Word of God, which lives and dwells in me for ever (I Peter 1:23). 

4. Since I am born of the Spirit of God, Satan can not touch my spirit to destroy it (I John 5:18). 

5. I have been taken out of Satan's kingdom of darkness and have been translated into the 

kingdom of Jesus Christ (Colossians 1:13). 

6. I have been made free from the power of sin and have become a servant of righteousness 

(Romans 6:18). 

7. I have been joined unto Christ (I Corinthians 6:17). 

8. In Christ, I am complete; therefore, I need nothing more (Colossians 2:10). 

9. I am sealed with the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13). 

10. I was spiritually dead to the things of God. I was actually dead in my spirit, but I have been 

made alive by the spirit of Christ (Ephesians 2:5). 

11. I was considered a sinner, but now I am made the righteousness of God in Jesus Christ (II 

Corinthians 5:21). 

12. Because of the righteousness that I have in Christ, I am fully accepted of God (Ephesians 1:6). 

13. God's complete love for me casts out the fear of judgment (I John 4:18). 

14. I am set apart from the world unto the living God; therefore I am actually a saint. (I Corinthians 

1:2). 

15. I am not condemned as I live in Christ (Romans 8:1). 

16. I actually have the divine nature of God dwelling within me (II Peter 1:4). 

17. In the spirit, I am seated with Christ Jesus in heaven far above all the powers of the enemy 

(Ephesians 2:6). 

18. I have eternal life in Christ (John 3:15). 

19. From the very moment that I received Christ until the end, I shall not perish. (John 10:28-29). 

20. I am in the hands of Jesus and in the hands God, the Father. Therefore, nothing is able to take 

me out of God's hands. (John 10:28-29). 

21. No weapon that the enemy has formed against me shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17). 

22. As I humble myself and fear the LORD, I find riches, honour, and life (Proverbs 22:4). 

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23. As I meekly engraft God's Word into my life, it saves my mind from thinking wrong thoughts, 

my will from making wrong decisions, and my heart from feeling wrong emotions (James 1:21). 

24. Jesus is always with me (Matthew 28:20). 

25. I will not have to face the wrath of God because I have received salvation through our Lord 

Jesus Christ (I Thessalonians 5:9). 

26. God has called me unto himself, but not according to my works, but by his own gift of grace (II 

Timothy 1:9). 

27. I am successful as I meditate on and apply the Word of God in my life (Joshua 1:8). 

28. God has elected me to be holy and to receive His love (Colossians 3:12). 

29. In Christ, I am justified (just as if I had never sinned) (Romans 8:33). 

30. As I walk in the Spirit, I do not fulfil the lusts of the flesh (Galatians 5:16). 

31. I have bold access to the throne of God to find mercy and grace in time of need (Hebrew 4:16). 

32. God has predestined that I be formed into the image of Jesus Christ (Romans 8:29). 

33. I have been reconciled to God through the death of Jesus (Romans 5:10). 

34. God has confirmed me unto the very end that I am considered to be without blame (I 


35. I am confident that since God began his good work in me that He will continue that work until 

the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6). 

36. God's Word leads me as I walk, keeps me as I sleep, and talks to me when I awake (Proverbs 

6:22). 

37. God will keep that which I have committed unto him until the day of judgment (II Timothy 1:12). 

38. I know the truth and the truth makes me free (John 8:32-33). 

39. God has chosen me and ordained me that I should go and bring forth lasting fruit (John 15:16). 

40. As a new creation, I am made free through Jesus from the power of the enemy (John 8:36). 

41. I have been saved by grace through faith (Ephesians 2:8). 

42. I have the grace to walk through every temptation without sinning (I Corinthians 10:13). 

43. I am set free from emotional bruises (blows to my identity) through Jesus (Luke 4:18). 

44. I have both spiritual and physical healing though the stripes of Jesus (I Peter 2:24). 

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45. I am able to walk in the light as a child of the light (Ephesians 5:8). 

46. I am a fellow citizen with other saints in the household of God (Ephesians 2:18). 

47. I find my strength in Christ when I am weak (II Corinthians 12:10). 

48. I will not be afraid of what man can do to me because I trust in the LORD (Psalm 56:11). 

49. I am washed, sanctified, and justified by the name of Jesus and the Spirit of God (I Corinthians 

6:11). 

50. Since I am born of God, I have overcome the world. I have victory over the world through our 

faith (I John 5:4). 

51. I know that I am a disciple of Jesus because I love others (John 13:35). 

52. I have forgiveness for my sins (Ephesians 1:7). 

53. I am more than a conqueror through God that loves me (Romans 8:37). 

54. The fact is that nothing can separate me from the love of God (Romans 8:35). 

55. God has given me a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind (II Timothy 1:7). 

56. The spirit of Jesus that lives me is greater than the enemy in the world (I John 4:4). 

57. God always causes me to triumph in Christ (II Corinthians 2:14). 

58. I am an heir of God and a joint-heir with Christ. What the Father gave to Jesus, also belongs to 

me (Romans 8:17). 

59. I have access to all of the promises of God in Christ. God says, "Yes" and "So let it be." (II 


60. I am blessed with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ (Ephesians 1:3). 

61. God has redeemed me from curse of the law that he might give me the promises of Abraham 

(Galatians 3:13-14). 

62. I have the capacity to hear and obey the voice of Jesus (John 10:27). 

63. I am God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works (Ephesians 2:10). 

64. In Jesus, I am able to do anything that God asks me to do. (Philippians 4:13). 

65. I am the light of the world, giving off the light Christ (Matthew 5:14). 

66. I am the salt that gives life flavour and the salt that preserves purity (Matthew 5:13). 

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67. My God supplies all my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians 

4:19). 

68. I am chosen person, a part of a kingly priesthood, a holy nation, and a God-possessed person 

that declares the praises of God who has called me out of darkness unto to his marvellous light 

(I Peter 2:9). 

69. I have access to both the promises of the Old Testament and the New Testament (Matthew 

13:52). 

70. I know that God is working all things together for my good and His glory (Romans 8:28). 

71. It is God's desire that I prosper and be in health as my soul prospers (III John 1:2). 

72. By faith, I am able to quench all of the fiery darts of Satan (Ephesians 6:16). 

73. I will fear no evil because God is with me (Psalm 23:4). 

74. The Holy Spirit makes intercession for me when I don't know how to pray (Romans 8:26). 

75. I have been made alive from death in trespasses and sin (Ephesians 2:1). 

76. I shall not want because Jesus is my shepherd (Psalm 23:1, John 10:11). 

77. I can rejoice in the Lord no matter what the circumstances are (Philippians 4:4). 

78. God is working in me both to will and to do of His good pleasure (Philippians 2:13). 

79. I can know the proper meaning of God's Word as I diligently study it 

(II Timothy 2:15). 

80. I have put on the new man which is created in the image of God (Colossians 3:10). 

81. My inner man is renewed every day (II Corinthians 4:16). 

82. Since I have been crucified with Christ, Christ now lives through me 

(Galatians 2:20). 

83. God's Word builds me up and gives me an inheritance among those that are sanctified (Acts 

20:32). 

84. I overcome the accuser by the blood of the Lamb, by the word of my testimony, and not loving 

my life unto death (Revelation 12:11-12). 

85. I am not one who draws back into perdition, but one who believes to the saving of my soul 

(Hebrews 10:39). 

86. The Lord shall deliver me from every evil work, and preserve me unto his heavenly kingdom (II 

Timothy 4:18). 

222

87. I am an ambassador (a high ranking official representative of the kingdom of God) for Christ (II 


88. God has given me of His Spirit that I might know the things that He has freely given unto me (I 


89. My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit purchased with a price (I Corinthians 6:19-20). 

90. God has given me a gift that I might minister to others (I Peter 4:10). 

91. As I share the Word, God works through me and confirms the Word with signs (Mark 16:17-20). 

92. I will not be afraid of bad news because my heart is fixed, trusting in the LORD (Psalm 112:7). 

93. With joy, I shall draw water out of the wells of salvation (Isaiah 12:3). 

94. I know my God and am therefore strong and will do exploits (Daniel 11:32). 

95. I am a branch that abides in the vine of Jesus that brings forth much fruit (John 15:5, 16). 

96. God will withhold no good thing from me as I live righteously (Psalm 84:11). 

97. As I submit my life to God and resist the devil, the devil must flee from me (James 4:7). 

98. When I am afraid, I will put my trust in God (Psalm 56:3). 

99. I am a sweet aroma of Christ unto God (II Corinthians 2:15). 

100. I find peace of mind as I keep my mind upon God (Isaiah 26:3). 

101. God has given me the ministry of reconciliation (II Corinthians 5:19). 

102. I am an adopted child of God (Ephesians 1:5). 

103. I have unsearchable riches in Christ (Ephesians 3:8). 

104. I have a home in heaven that Jesus has prepared for me (John 14:2). 

This list is copyrighted by Whole Person Counseling, Basil Frasure, PhD, and used by permission, 

http://www.wholeperson-counseling.org 

223



UNITS 17- 19 PRAYER COUNSELLING, FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION 






4. 








224

UNITS 20 - 22 FINALITY APPROACH OF BEHAVIOUR PROBLEMS 


FINALITY APPROACH OF BEHAVIOUR PROBLEMS 


ABCDEF METHOD HIDDEN GOALS STEPS OF 

BEHAVIOUR 

TRAINING 

SESSION 1 60 MINUTES THE A-B-C-D-E-F- 

METHOD 

DETECT HIDDEN 

GOALS AND 

DEGREE OF 

MOTIVATION (1). 

LISTENING TO 

GOD IN 

COUNSELLING 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 

SESSION 2 

5 MINUTES 

60 MINUTES 

QUESTIONNAIRE 

FOR SELF- 

EXAMINATION – 

FALSE GOALS 

DETECT HIDDEN 

GOALS AND 

DEGREE OF 


VIOLENCE, 

IN 

COUNSELLING 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 

SESSION 3 

5 MINUTES 

60 MINUTES 

CHECK LIST FOR 

CHANGES: 

4-SIEVES 

EXAMINE CASE 

STUDIES AND 

GETTING 

SUPERVISION 

CODE OF 

ETHICS AND 

PRACTICE 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 

5 MINUTES 

SESSION 4 60 MINUTES WORKSHEET 

FOR THE A-B-C- 

D-E-F-METHOD 

OF CHANGING 

ONE’S WAY OF 

THINKING. 

MY GOALS 

AND 

CONSTRAINTS 

COUNSELLING: 

COMPETENCE 

AND LIMITS 

225

UNITS 20 ABCDEF METHOD 





BEHAVIOUR 

TRAINING 


METHOD 

DETECT HIDDEN 

GOALS AND 

DEGREE OF 


LISTENING TO 

GOD IN 

COUNSELLING 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 

SESSION 2 

5 MINUTES 

60 MINUTES 

QUESTIONNAIRE 

FOR SELF- 


FALSE GOALS 

DETECT HIDDEN 

GOALS AND 

DEGREE OF 


VIOLENCE, 

IN 

COUNSELLING 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 

SESSION 3 

5 MINUTES 

60 MINUTES 


CHANGES: 

4-SIEVES 

EXAMINE CASE 

STUDIES AND 

GETTING 

SUPERVISION 

CODE OF 

ETHICS AND 

PRACTICE 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 

5 MINUTES 



D-E-F-METHOD 

OF CHANGING 


THINKING. 

MY GOALS 

AND 

CONSTRAINTS 

COUNSELLING: 

COMPETENCE 

AND LIMITS 

226


SESSION1 

60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

THE A-B-C-D-E-F-METHOD 


1. To know what the ABCDEF method is. 


1. Teaching about what the ABCDEF method is. Explain what four 

false goals are. 

2 Demonstration of a counselling session with a trainer as a counsellor. 

While counselling all students could watch the false goals. 

3 Plenary session for collating ideas with regard to 

the detection of four false goals and rules concerning its change. 

20 Minutes 

20 Minutes 

20 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

THE A-B-C-D-E-F-METHOD (For Changing one’s Thinking) 

See the separate sheet: Worksheet for the A-B-C-D-E-F-Method of changing one’s way of thinking by 

Meike and Dirk Wessling in “Adventure Man” 

The worksheet is self-explanatory 

Explanation to the point: C. what false goals do I discover? 

What are false goals? 

They are: 

• Excuses and justification: 

The person in questions protects himself through excuses and justification 

• Attention: 

The person seeks attention even this occurs through negative behaviour patterns 

• Superiority: 

Every means is right in order to maintain superiority or to pretend to be superior and to have things 

under control. 

• Revenge: 

Retaliation through underhanded methods or even quite open revenge 

227

False goals: 

These four false goals are behaviour patterns/selfish strategies which make social life difficult and even 

endanger it. 

False goals = sinful behaviour based on discouragement and fear. 

These defence mechanisms are used by discouraged people. 

1. Those seeking help are usually not aware of their false goals. They are defence mechanisms of the 

“old man” learned as children. 

2. The person justifies himself to himself, others and God through this self-deceiving manoeuvre. 

3. The purpose of false goals is to avoid responsibility, unpleasant tasks, duties in the community 

(family, marriage, profession, church). 

4. The strategies of the four false goals were trained and tried out at home in early childhood. 

5. Spiritual problems are often a result of the four false goals. (For instance sin against the Holy Spirit 

as an excuse) 

6. False goals must be recognised and admitted in order to reduce disorders of self-esteem, self-injury 

and interpersonal conflicts. 

7. What has been recognised as sin can be confessed before God. Forgiveness is a process often 

involving many steps. 

8. The questions of self-examination in the extra sheet can be helpful in recognising false goals. 

9. Let the person seeking help take the paper home. 

I can help the person in question better when I have recognised his false goal and he admits it and 

sees it himself. 

Rule concerning change: 

1. Having heard does not necessarily mean understood: 

2. Understood is not yet agreeing. 

3. Agreeing is not yet applying. 

4. Once applied does not yet mean, one has got used to. 

5. Only a habituation brings permanent change. 

228


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

QUESTIONNAIRE FOR SELF-EXAMINATION – FALSE GOALS 


1. To go though the questionnaire for self examination of false goals. 


1 All trainees individually would go through the questionnaire for 

self examination of false goals. 

2 In groups of threes all could share their experience with 

the self examination with your own life illustrations. 


the self examination of false goals. 

20 Minutes 

30 Minutes 

10 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

Questionnaire for Self-examination – False Goals 

From: Reinhold Ruthe, Counselling – How to do it 

Excuses and Justifications 

1. Do you use excuses to get out of trouble? Do you manage to get an alibi by using excuses? 

2. Do you throw the blame on others – like Adam and Eve? 

3. Do you protect yourself through plausible rationalizations/explanations? 

4. Do you see yourself as weak, small, poor, over-stretched, helpless and sick in order to avoid certain 

demands? 

5. Do you often uses forms like “if-not” as make your excuses sound credible? “If it had not been so 

windy, I would have managed to do my work better.” 

6. If you do not succeed in your task, do you blame others, the church, your parents, your children, the 

circumstances, the state, the weather, the environment? 

7. Do you recognise in the false goal no 1 an unspiritual attitude which leads you to reject 

responsibility and not to risk you head? 

8. Do you not want to be called to account? 

9. Is it a mark of your life, always to want to be seen to be faultless? Do you find it necessary to make 

yourself unassailable? 

10. Do you use these methods to increase your self-esteem? Are you afraid of self-exposure? 

11. Are you afraid that your weaknesses and faults would be brought to light? 

Attention: 

1. Is it important for you to be noticed? 

2. Does selfishness play a part when you preach or give a speech? 

3. How much unnecessary responsibility do you take on yourself in order to make a good impression? 

229

4. Is your sacrifice done out of love for Jesus or selfish motives? 

5. Are certain performances done to make you more noticed and seen? Do you like to be flattered? 

6. Do you have an unconscious need to boast and to act snobbishly? Do you make your partner 

jealous in order to be noticed? 

7. What kind of behaviour patterns do you use in order to receive more devotion and attention? 

8. Do you pretend to be respectable in order to win attention? 

9. Do you use small illnesses in order to receive more attention? 

10. Do you value voluntary jobs in order to improve your image? 

Superiority 

1 Do you believe that seeming is more important than being? Do you use arrogance to get your own 

way? 

2 Do you partner, children, parents or teachers say you are haughty? Do you try to get the upper 

hand through nagging or criticism? 

3 Do you make use of illness to get your own way in your marriage, family or job? 

4 Do you make use of aggression and tantrums to prove your power? 

5 Has anyone ever claimed you were arrogant? Can you understand or make any sense of this? 

6 Do you try to gain power and influence by moralising? Is it a part of your lifestyle to dominate 

people? 

7 Do you use irony to gain power? 

8 Are you indispensable in your marriage, family and your job and in this way subtly claim power? 

9 Do you gladly prove other people wrong? 

10 Do you make use of aggressive silence in order to impress your colleague? Do you assert 

dominance by unfailing helpfulness? 

11 Do you make use of sharp logic to disarm your colleague? 

Revenge: 

1 Have you noticed in your suicide attempts that you wanted to revenge yourself on someone? 

2 Is your alcoholism a problem of revenge in order to annoy and to afflict your colleague? Is it your 

secret wish to revenge yourself on relatives or strangers? Have you ever thought that sexual denial 

could be an act of revenge? 

3 Did you as a child use drugs as a weapon and revenge, in order to get your own back on your 

parents? Do you let your children, relatives or work colleagues fall into a trap out of revenge? 

4 Do you react gleefully when something negative happens to your neighbour which you had hoped 

for? 

5 Do you wish anyone something bad, in thought, word or deed? Could it be that you want to use 

your illness as a revenge on your environment? 

6 Do you conspire with a child against your partner? 

7 Are you resentful and cannot easily forget affronts and offences? Do you desire to uphold the other 

one’s guilt? 

230


TOPIC: 

CHECK LIST FOR CHANGES: 4-SIEVES 


1. To go though the check list for changes of 4 - sieves. 


1 A demonstration on how to do 4 sieves is shown 

with a counsellor and counselee. 

231 

60 Minutes 

20 Minutes 

2. In groups of threes all could do 4 sieves in turns. 40 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

Check list for Changes: 4-sieves 

The following “sieves” may be used to recognise false behaviour. 

A disturbed relationship expresses itself in false behaviour. 

Change means to come back to a relationship with Jesus Christ. 

Question for the 1st sieve: 

Does your thinking or behaviour go against a mandate of creation? 

1. To cultivate a garden, work 

2. Being fruitful and multiply 

3. Applying healthy authority over creation 

Question for the 2nd sieve: 

Does your thinking or behaviour go against the 10 commandments? Ex. 20:1-17 

1. I am the Lord your God; you shall have no other gods before me. 

2. You shall not make for yourself an idol. 

3. You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God. 

4. Remember the Sabbath. 

5. Honour your father and your mother. 

6. You shall not murder. 

7. You shall not commit adultery. 

8. You shall not steal. 

9. You shall not give false testimony against your neighbour. 

10. You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbour. 

Question for the 3rd sieve: 

Does your thinking or behaviour go against God’s priorities? 

1. God and me 

2. Marriage

3. Children and relatives 

4. Church 

5. World (John 3: 16) "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever 

believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” 

Bible verse for the 4th sieve: 

Does your thinking and behaviour correspond to Jesus’ commandment to love? Mt. 22:23-40 

Jesus said: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 

This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ’Love your neighbour as 

yourself!’” 

Done Example of 4 sieves. 

B. Thoughts during the situation (describe the thoughts in order): 

1. Life is hard and tiresome 

2. It will get more difficult than I expect 

3. This hardship must be soothed by loving behaviour on the part of my wife 

4. If I do not experience this, I feel deprived and resign: ”I do not have luck with women.” (lost his 

mother early, his wife) 

D. Disproving the untruthful thoughts under B. (first mark the true thoughts with t, the false ones with 

f, then apply corrections according to the Biblical truths (4 sieves) 

Evaluating B.: 1.t/f 2.f 3. t/f 4.f 

1. Life is often hard but God’s blessing is with me (Rom.8:28) and “all will go well with him” (Pro.24:25.) 

2. This is also valid for the future. 

3. God often helps me through my wife and often through others. Often it is too slow for me. 

4. If I do not experience help the way I expected, I am disappointed, but I refuse to accuse or resign. 

Life is often hard but God’s blessing is with me. 

232


TOPIC: 

WORKSHEET FOR THE A-B-C-D-E-F-METHOD 

OF CHANGING ONE’S WAY OF THINKING. 


1. To do Worksheet for the A-B-C-D-E-F-Method of changing one’s way of thinking. 

60 Minutes 


1 A detailed explanation of the done work sheet of the 

A-B-C-D-E-F-Method. 

20 Minutes 

2 In groups of threes all could do 4 sieves in turns. 40 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

Example Worksheet for the A-B-C-D-E-F-Method of changing one’s way of thinking 

By Meike and Kirk Wessling in “the Adventure Man” 

An Example: 

Problem description: when people whom I love disappoint me, I fall into a deep feeling of desolation 

and behave badly. 

A. Description of the situation: I come home from work cold and hungry. My wife has not (yet) 

cooked. This is difficult for me and I fall into these feelings of desolation. 


1. Life is hard and tiresome 

2. It will get more difficult than I expect 

3. This hardship must be soothed by loving behaviour on the part of my wife 

4. If I do not experience this, I feel deprived and resign: ”I do not have luck with women.” (lost his 

mother early, his wife) 

C. Undesirable reactions and undesirable feelings 

Resignation: it has no value. 

Self-pity 

Discouragement comes and makes me tired: everything keeps turning in me 

I feel I have been abandoned by God 

Undesirable behaviour 

Accusations against the wife 

Asking (the wife) critical questions 

Accusing behaviour (dejected facial expressions, distance) 

I take revenge by going away. 

233

Which false goals do I discover? 

Excuse – attention – superiority – revenge 

Excuse 

Attention 

A little revenge (Find a good middle way, not just the opposite of B and C!) 

D. Disproving the untruthful thoughts under B. (first mark the true thoughts with t, the false ones with 

f, then apply corrections according to the Biblical truths (4 sieves) 

Evaluating B.: 1.t/f 2.f 3. t/f 4.f 

1. Life is often hard but God’s blessing is with me (Rom.8:28) and “all will go well with him” (Pro.24:25.) 

2. This is also valid for the future. 

3. God often helps me through my wife and often through others. Often it is too slow for me. 

4. If I do not experience help the way I expected, I am disappointed, but I refuse to accuse or resign. 

Life is often hard but God’s blessing is with me. 

E. Desirable reactions and feelings 

More calmness 

I am more susceptible for good thoughts. 

I can see what has gone well in my life 

True, I am disappointed but not discouraged or rejected. 

Desirable behaviour 

I can do something instead of escaping into sleep. I can communicate instead running around with a 

sour expression. This restores the relationship. Now how would you describe this change of thinking 

in Biblical terms? Even though life is hard, God is with me and helps me. Rom.8:28 and Isa.41:10 

F. Exercise: write cards with the contents of B and D one on each side. Read the cards every morning 

till the next counselling session. Practise the new thinking and behaviour in relevant situations. 

Evaluate the experiences in the next counselling session and add to B-E if necessary. Then continue to 

build on this until the new habit is established. 

234

Worksheet for the A-B-C-D-E-F-Method of changing one’s way of thinking 

By Meike and Kirk Wessling in “the Adventure Man” 

Problem description: ............................................................................................................................................. 

............................................................................................................................................. 

A. Description of the situation: 

............................................................................................................................................. 

............................................................................................................................................. 


............................................................................................................................................. 

............................................................................................................................................. 

C. Undesirable reactions and undesirable feelings 

............................................................................................................................................. 

............................................................................................................................................. 

Undesirable behaviour 

............................................................................................................................................. 

............................................................................................................................................. 

Which false goals do I discover? Excuse – attention – superiority – revenge 

............................................................................................................................................. 

............................................................................................................................................. 

(Find a good middle way, not just the opposite of B and C!) 

D. Disproving the untruthful thoughts under B. (first mark the true thoughts with t, the false ones with f, then apply 

corrections according to the Biblical truths (4 sieves) 

............................................................................................................................................. 

............................................................................................................................................. 

E. Desirable reactions and desirable feelings 

............................................................................................................................................. 

............................................................................................................................................. 

Desirable behaviour 

............................................................................................................................................. 

............................................................................................................................................. 

Now how would you describe this change of thinking in Biblical terms? 

............................................................................................................................................. 

............................................................................................................................................. 

Exercise: write cards with the contents of B and D one on each side. Read the cards every morning till the next 

counselling session. Practise the new thinking and behaviour in relevant situations. Evaluate the experiences in 

the next counselling session and add to B-E if necessary. Then continue to build on this until the new habit is 

established. 

235

UNIT 21 HIDDEN GOALS 





BEHAVIOUR 

TRAINING 


METHOD 

DETECT HIDDEN 

GOALS AND 

DEGREE OF 


LISTENING TO 

GOD IN 

COUNSELLING 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 

SESSION 2 

5 MINUTES 

60 MINUTES 

QUESTIONNAIRE 

FOR SELF- 


FALSE GOALS 

DETECT HIDDEN 

GOALS AND 

DEGREE OF 


VIOLENCE, 

IN 

COUNSELLING 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 

SESSION 3 

5 MINUTES 

60 MINUTES 


CHANGES: 

4-SIEVES 

EXAMINE CASE 

STUDIES AND 

GETTING 

SUPERVISION 

CODE OF 

ETHICS AND 

PRACTICE 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 

5 MINUTES 



D-E-F-METHOD 

OF CHANGING 


THINKING. 

MY GOALS 

AND 

CONSTRAINTS 

COUNSELLING: 

COMPETENCE 

AND LIMITS 

236


SESSION1 

60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

DETECT HIDDEN GOALS AND DEGREE OF MOTIVATION. 


1 To know how to detect inner or hidden goals and degree of motivation. 


1 Demonstration of a counselling session with a trainer as a counsellor. 

While counselling all students could watch the degree of motivation 

and hidden goals. 

2 Teaching about how to detect inner or hidden goals and 

degree of motivation 


the detection of hidden goals and degree of motivation. 

35 Minutes 

15 Minutes 

10 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

HOW TO DETECT HIDDEN GOALS AND DEGREE OF MOTIVATION 

The following symptoms show a high degree of motivation. The more you notice them the higher is the 

motivation and vice versa. 

Symptoms of motivation 

• Keeping to the appointments and agreements 

• Willing to invest time in travelling for getting counselled 

• Does not need to be urged to something, 

• Is not forced by other people, comes voluntarily out of his own will 

• Is desperate when counsellor misses the date 

• Asking questions, being eager to get advice 

• Is willing to change and to invest time, money and effort 

• Has own ideas how to go forward, how to make progress 

• Sticks to his assignments, finishing them well and timely 

• Is ready for new experiments and new experiences. 

• Motivation works behind the scene at any time – often unconscious. 

• Inner, often hidden Goals are always there and often changing. 

• They drive the actions. 

• To think about one’s own goals and value system (The priority list of our values) rises 

• the ability of self management. 

237

Questions to identify goals and intentions 

1 Which problem would you like to change first? 

2 What’s the most difficult one? 

3 Which kind of support (help, information, example) do you need to change? 

4 How do you fancy your chances to change this problem? 

5 What would you do, how would you live without this problem? 

6 What would happen, if your problem didn’t exist? 

7 How does the problem hinder you? 

8 How much does the problem disturb you and in what ways? 

9 What makes you sad, proud, and happy about this situation? 

10 What do you want to achieve with that action? 

11 How do you imagine exactly the goal, you want to achieve? 

12 How often do you want to achieve that goal? 

13 How long are you willing to wait for it? 

Assignments to create and identify inner goals and intentions 

1 What would you like to be in 3 years? 

2 If I were a rich men … 

3 If I’m the creator of the world … 

4 Draw your pie of life: a problems-pie and a goals-pie. 

5 What’s in your back bag? 

6 Which of your burdens do you want to lay aside today? 

7 How would your father/pastor/mother/friend react or decide? 

8 Tell me the dreams of your youth! 

9 Which points in your life would you have set in a different way if you could rearrange your past? 

10 Which aspects in your life is good, powerful, nourishing, making fun? 

11 Rank your goals: 

12 What is the most important one? 

13 What is the second important one etc? 

14 Rank these goals according to the following aspects: 

15 simple/complex, 

16 near/far, 

17 self set/strange set, 

18 high/minor priority, 

19 which ones could be neglected/which ones are indispensable 

238


TOPIC: DETECT HIDDEN GOALS AND DEGREE OF MOTIVATION (2). 


1 To practise in counselling session on how to detect inner or hidden goals and 

degree of motivation. 

60 Minutes 


1 All in groups of threes, one as counsellor , the other as counselee 

and the third as observer. 

2 Two rounds of counselling session could be done in each of 30 Minutes. 60 Minutes 

239


TOPIC: EXAMINE CASE STUDIES AND GETTING CONSULTANCY. 


1 To examine case studies of counselling and knowing the need of getting supervision. 

60 Minutes 


1 Take any two case studies and explore various possible questions 

could be brought into attention of supervision. 20 Minutes 

2 All in groups of threes go through at least three case studies and 

formulate question to be posed before supervision. 

25 Minutes 

3 Plenary for collating ideas. 15 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

Case studies 

1. Man, 34 years old. It was my wife who wanted me to move out, I miss the children very much, I give 

her and the children money according to the legal arrangement – but I’m in debt. But actually I’m OK, I 

have a few small problems at work, otherwise I’m OK… 

2. Woman, 48 years old. If someone doesn’t help me to organise my bills and my post then I’m not 

going to be able to finish my studies. But no one can help me, there was Mr X but he hardly had any 

time, and Mr Y is so slow to read everything, and Mrs Z just doesn’t want to come anymore…. Now you 

have to help me, I need you desperately… 

3. Man, 40 years old. My wife always sees things differently from me. She has never learnt to be 

content. Her parents never gave her the feeling that she can do anything, they were always picking at 

her. I have to show her how our kids should be raised, she can hardly do anything even in the kitchen, 

but she just doesn’t want to accept my advice, we quarrel immediately. 

4. Woman, 45 years old. My daughter is already very independent and has a good measure of 

common-sense. Last night she didn’t come home. Now I have to decide what measures to take. Like a 

week ago, when she stayed away 2 nights, she wasn’t allowed to watch TV for an hour. I always have 

everything under control as mother. She looks like a young woman but she’s only 13. I notice how men 

look at her, the lust in their gaze – I worry about her but she knows how to handle such things. She is 

very intelligent. In school it’s going well. She just has bad marks in certain subjects at present. She’ll 

sort herself out again. 

5. Man, 60 years old, came to Switzerland in order to study for his doctorate. He never went back to his 

home country, where he could have had an academic post, because he met a woman. They started a 

family although the woman had other relationships. Now she’s left him. The children are grown. “I’m 

alone, have hardly any work, I can never go back home because I’d be too ashamed.” 

6. Woman, 42 years old. My husband drinks more and more (alcohol). Last year he had to be taken to 

240

hospital because he collapsed. But I do love him and these phases pass. And I like to drink a glass or 

two with him sometimes too. 

7. Man, 46 years old. I work hard and I’m good at what I do. I get praise and have been promoted. But 

my relationship just isn’t working. My partner won’t talk with me, won’t cuddle. I’m like a monk. When I 

asked her why, she said: you’re nice and you take care of my children, I don’t know what I could 

reproach you for. I don’t know. I just need my peace… 

8. Couple, 40 years old. Our youngest son, 6 years old, just does what he wants to. We can’t even go 

anywhere, he’s bound to have a temper tantrum and storm around for 15 Minutes. We’d rather stay at 

home, where nobody sees, because we’re ashamed. And then we end up arguing with each-other 

because we can’t agree how the child should be treated. 

9. Woman, 55 years old. I have pain in my hand and back. By midday I’m so exhausted that I can 

hardly work; it’s only bearable in the mornings. In actual fact, it should be clear to everyone how ill I am 

but no one wants to listen. 

10. Man, 29 years old. His wife has moved out and wants a divorce. He doesn’t see any future for 

himself (most common sentence: I don’t know…), doesn’t have any perspectives. He studied theology 

but has no work. “God doesn’t allow divorce; I’m not going to agree to a divorce.” 

11. Woman, 55 years old. Her husband has been depressive for 12 years. She’s looking for an effective 

therapist for him because the psychiatrist doesn’t talk to him. The woman has a counsellor for herself 

and her husband can also go to her counselling session but when that happened the counsellor only 

spoke with her husband! 

12. Man, 23 years old. Engaged, his fiancée stayed overnight with him. But he doesn’t actually want 

sex before marriage. It’s now very difficult for both of them to maintain a distance. 

13. Woman, 66 years old. “I can’t talk to my husband about what’s worrying me. When we were 

younger he never used to have the time and I was always left alone to cope with the children. He talks 

a lot but never about himself, have I just listened.” She smiles nicely as she tells. 

14. Man, 35 years old. He has been with his girlfriend for 10 years now. She becomes immediately cold 

and closed up if he is just 10 Minutes late for a date, but he’s always welcome when furniture has to be 

moved or something repaired. She said: find another girlfriend, I’ve already put an advert in for me.” 

Now he has actually met someone-else. “But I need my girlfriend, I don’t want to leave her alone and 

helpless.” 

15. Man, 29 years old. I’m a jobbing gardener, I’m not so good at talking - other people have 

reproached me for that. That hurt. I told them that but they just changed the subject and I realised, they 

don’t want to change their opinion. 

16. Woman, 42 years old. I’ve always done so much for the church but no one ever said thank you and 

I’m always being prevented from doing something. Every time I want to do something, the others stand 

in my way; they vote against me or actively try to hinder me. Now I’m not going to do anything more, 

that’ll show you… 

17. Man, 21 years old. I was at many different schools. My parents always paid for me but I could never 

stay the course, my marks were always too bad. I work nights sometimes in the cinema as usher but 

I’ve still hardly got any money, my Mum gives me some, when I beg, and sometimes I just take it from 

her purse… 

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How to receive good supervision 

What kind of questions is suitable to profit most from the advice of my consultant? 

Consider the following list of helpful examples. 

• I have observed the following symptom… (Description of the symptom). I assume, that this and 

this… (Explanation) is the reason for it. What do you think about that? 

• Presumably there is an inner wound – but I am not quite sure about that…. 

• She/He speaks a lot about his circumstances but hardly anything about herself/himself, despite 

having been asked by me to do that – what is going on there? 

• I felt so helpless in this counselling, perhaps it is why……………but even when that is the case it 

does not prove helpful for me. 

• I am going to describe to you a short passage of my counselling session, when I have felt 

uncomfortable. Please help me to analyse that. 

• I am going to describe to you a short passage of my counselling session, which seemed successful 

for me – but tell me, what could I do better? 

• I guess that my counselee is showing the attitude Not Okay – Not Okay. What do you think? 

• At a certain point a special memory rose up in my spirit. I don’t know why. 

• I got the impression that my counselee was closed up, excessively talkative, expecting too much, 

confusing, boring…..so I tried to intervene – what do you think? 

• She wanted to know from me……but my answer did not fit….how could I have done better? 

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TOPIC: MY GOALS AND CONSTRAINTS. 


1 To know about my goals and possible constraints 

60 Minutes 


1 Teaching: introducing possible constraints in the goals. 10 Minutes 

2 Filling up “my plan and goal” individually 15 Minutes 

3 All in groups of threes, discuss the “my plan and goal” 20 Minutes 

4 Plenary for general sharing. 15 Minutes 

My goals 

Find your way between goals and constraint of daily business, between planning and the chaos. 

There are disruptive actions, that are normal. 

After interruption, you go back fast and concentrate to continue your planned way. 

Improve your self management and choose priorities. 

To reach visions, you need three conditions 

1.) wanting to 

2.) knowing how to 

3.) having the chance to 

How do we react, when impediments arrive? 

How are my motivators working? 

External Optimism: Good things will happen. No action required (= defensive optimism) 

Perceived Self-Efficacy: I can create a successful way of action 

because I am competent (= functional optimism, optimistic self-beliefs) 

Are there any drivers? 

i.e. be strong, hurry up, do it right for everybody, try hard, be perfect 

Or Are there any bans? 

Don’t feel anything, keep smiling like a child, be not yourself, you are not intelligent enough don’t think 

yourself, don’t touch. 

experiences, experiments, persuasion (inner and verbal voices) influence the degree of expectations, of 

hope, and the self-efficacy and the behaviour to reach the goals. 

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My Plan and Goal. 

Targets – 1 step after half 

an year 

Aims – 2. step after 2 

years 

Goals –3. step after 5 

years 

Concept, 

ideas 

vision 

My personality 

My abilities as counsellor 

My role in the church 

My counselees 

My consultant and 

intervision 

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UNIT 22 STEPS OF BEHAVIOUR TRAINING 





BEHAVIOUR 

TRAINING 


METHOD 

DETECT HIDDEN 

GOALS AND 

DEGREE OF 


LISTENING TO 

GOD IN 

COUNSELLING 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 

SESSION 2 

5 MINUTES 

60 MINUTES 

QUESTIONNAIRE 

FOR SELF- 


FALSE GOALS 

DETECT HIDDEN 

GOALS AND 

DEGREE OF 


VIOLENCE, 

IN 

COUNSELLING 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 

SESSION 3 

5 MINUTES 

60 MINUTES 


CHANGES: 

4-SIEVES 

EXAMINE CASE 

STUDIES AND 

GETTING 

SUPERVISION 

CODE OF 

ETHICS AND 

PRACTICE 

BREAK 

MINIMUM 

5 MINUTES 



D-E-F-METHOD 

OF CHANGING 


THINKING. 

MY GOALS 

AND 

CONSTRAINTS 

COUNSELLING: 

COMPETENCE 

AND LIMITS 

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SESSION1 

60 Minutes 

TOPIC: LISTENING TO GOD IN COUNSELLING 


1. To know how to take steps to listen to God in and through counselling session. 

METHOD (THE WAY I DO TO TEACH AND YOU LEARN): 

1. Teaching about how to take steps to listen to God in counselling. 15 Minutes 

2. Demonstration of a counselling session with a trainer as a counsellor. 

While counselling all students could watch the handling of the session. 

35 Minutes 

3. Plenary session for collating ideas with regard to 

the detection of God’s voice in counselling. 

10 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

Listening to God in Counselling 

Why is it relevant? 

To listen to God while counselling is a very powerful tool. That is one of the big differences between 

Christian counselling and secular advising. But we must not think, that listening to God means to do 

without active listening to the counselee! Both is necessary and supplement each other. Why is 

listening to God so important? 

• Jesus did it. 

Often he gained prophetic insights, when he spoke with people. He knew, what was the matter with 

them, because he was very close to the father and felt the heart and the ideas of God about that 

person. 

Examples: John 2:25 “He did not need man's testimony about man, for he knew what was in a man”. 

John 4:16-19. “He told her, Go, call your husband and come back." "I have no husband," she replied. 

Jesus said to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five 

husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true." "Sir," 

the woman said, "I can see that you are a prophet. 

Very good example is John 9:2-4. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, 

that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so 

that the work of God might be displayed in his life. As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who 

sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. 

On the other hand Jesus asked: Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?" "From 

childhood," he answered. (Mark 9:21) So he also made some investigation! 

• Every person a mystery 

Read 1.Cor 2:11. “For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within 

him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.” 

1Cor 4:4-5 “My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. 

Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light 

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what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive 

his praise from God.” 

We know only a tiny bit about ourselves let alone other people. By the best investigation we cannot 

fathom the depth of a person. Only God can that and so we need his revelation. We need to hit the goal 

on time. 

To get revelation from God saves much time and energy and we can focus much better. Often it is 

really difficult to focus, because there are many problems. The Lord can help us to find the focus or he 

even surprises us which something, which has not been said by the counselee at all! 

• Gods Plan has to be fulfilled here and now 

See John 5:19. “Jesus gave them this answer: "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; 

he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does”. 

What is God wanting to say, or to act, how is he feeling about the counselee? What is God’s next step 

now? 

Notice: God’s information has always priority. 

• Revelation comforts 

If the counselee experiences, that God is speaking, if he feels godly wisdom within the counsellor, if he 

feels very personally spoken to by God, he will be encouraged, comforted and will much more easily 

open up. 

How do I listen to the voice of God? 

1. Become recipient 

Often God wants to speak, but we are not recipient at all, we think too much, we pray too little, we say 

too much and we are in a hurry. Pray to God, sometimes in your mind, sometimes aloud together with 

the counselee for wisdom and revelation. And then take time, at least for one or two minutes to keep 

silence. Just relax in the presence of the Lord and expect him whispering to you. Listen quietly and 

carefully and with expectance. 

2. Perceive the soft voice of the Lord 

Very important: Get rid of any fixed or narrow ideas of HOW the voice of the Lord comes. It comes in a 

variety of ways! Notice: Usually it is a small, soft voice, which does not shout and push. Not 

spectacular. Often very simple. Just something comes into your mind… 

3. Consider the indications of the voice of the Lord 

There are some indications of the voice of the Lord, which often occur, they make it probable, that it is 

from God. 

Newness. It is new, it does not come by associate or connotation, and it had not been before in your 

mind. 

Clearness and distinctiveness. That does not mean loudness or overwhelming sensations and 

wonderfully bright visions 

4. Repetition, Stickiness. It comes again and again, it returns to you 

Inner conviction and certainty that it is really God Coherence. It really fits the situation of the counselee, 

it is like a lacking puzzle piece, and it helps immediately. 

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5. Be ready for different shapes of prophetic impressions 

• An inner picture, either as a fixed picture or as a moving scene 

• A Bible verse (Content of the verse) 

• A scripture (Not the content of the verse, but place, for example „Isaiah 52:30“) 

• A word or a sentence, for example „loneliness“, or „She is a very courageous woman.“ 

• A feeling (joy, hurt, pain, either in your soul or in different parts of your body). This feeling can 

express the feelings of God about that person or the feelings of the person, God lets you feel, how 

the person is feeling deep inside, completely hidden. 

• A word of wisdom. A good idea comes into your mind which will prove very helpful. 

• Take steps of faith and act 

• Receive the impression as something from God 

6. Speak it out with words like this: 

Something came into my mind…does it help you? I have got an idea… I saw this and this and my 

interpretation is…what do you think? 

Never say: THIS IS THE WORD OF THE LORD (because it may not be.) 

We may guess! And we may make mistakes! 

Prove it. 

Will it be confirmed? Does it help in any way? 

If it does not prove helpful at all, just leave it. 

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60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

VIOLENCE, ADDICTION, FINANCIAL PROBLEMS IN COUNSELLING. 


1. To know how to take steps to keep away and protect you or your counselee from 

violence of any source. 


1. Teaching main points about violence, (addiction and 

financial problems is just for reading) to the students 

30 Minutes 

2. Sharing about the teaching in small groups. 20 Minutes 

3. Plenary session for collating ideas with regard to 10 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

Violence 

Self-recognition as counsellor 

Remember your experience with violence, your normal behaviour (withdrawal, attack, making peace, 

feeling guilty,) 

Observe your body language, you know how tension and fear changes reason and behaviour. 

Know how (bad) feelings will transfer and sometimes overwhelm – and stand yourself, keep free, pray 

because sometimes oppressed feelings in counselee will manifest in your emotions, also in your team 

will transfer the struggle, guilty feelings also. 

Lean back, take time, a rest, breath, but do not delay, analyze relationships, the weak points, also the 

power and resources, make plans. 

Speak about it with a consultant or colleague, take distance. Protect and defend yourself but do not 

fight for your rights 

What could I make me an offender? 

• I like to reach goals – effectiveness, 

• I like to rule over others – power-struggle, 

• I like to use others by saving them – excessive helper, 

• I like to find a rational external solution – it’s not my responsibility what I did, 

• I don’t’ like to speak about dark sides – I’m not able to verbalize cruel behaviour so I act, 

• I don’t feel anything – I hit without emotions, 

• My body is not mine, 

• Violence is necessary – that’s my experience in childhood 

How to handle with violence 

Everyone needs to develop his/her personal power as far as possible in order to become a person who 

is able to truly live and achieve. The word power is linked with “to be able to”: the ability to act (to be 

active, to be effective). It is the ability to have influence (to be able to influence people). It can be 

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expressed as physical power, to have control over or authority over others, to be able to command. 

How power becomes violent. 

Power itself is not negative. But if I use my power to influence others so that I can achieve my own aims 

in order to strengthen my own position and self-worth, power then becomes violent. 

Kinds of violence 

• Physical violence: blow, kicks, bites, burns, being locked up, being mishandled. 

• Psychological violence: control, threats, to be sworn at, to be made to feel inferior 

• Sexual violence: rape, sexual abuse 

• Spiritual violence: psychological misuse of power, a system built on hierarchy 

The effects of violence on people 

The main result of the misuse of power is that trust in oneself, in the world and also in God is 

diminished. All of the following can be the result of psychological or physical violence: bodily injuries, 

attacks of fear, feeling insecure, mistrust, resignation, feeling guilty, being depressed, and loss of 

concentration or memory, being unable to sleep, nightmares, nerves and all kinds of pain. 

There are many ways people deal with their experiences of violence: 

Covering up, pretending it didn’t happen, time will heal, pretending that it’s not so bad, , telling no- one 

because of fear, telling people, telling one person/everybody, looking at it carefully, working through the 

experience, dealing with the pain. 

Important is how those surrounding react them. 

• Is the person believed? 

• Is he supported? 

• How is violence seen in the society? 

• Can the violence be stopped? 

• Is there a possibility of working through the experience and dealing with the pain? 

If these questions can be answered positively, the possibility that experience can be worked through is 

greater than if the person receives no support and is left alone. 

Prevention 

Talk about the possibility of violence 

For it to be explained in sermons and discussed in house cells. To talk about the misuse of power, to 

always be right and to become aware when someone has very little feeling of self –worth. 

To talk about anger. 

What can I do when I am angry? 

How do I deal with it? 

Is there a meaningful way of dealing with it? 

Use the Bible in this connection: 

Proverbs 13:24; 

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He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. 

Hebrews 12:5-7; 

“And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: "My son, do not 

make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord 

disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." Endure hardship as 

discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?” 

To deal with it constructively as a leader both in church and at home. 

To reflect and consider my own way of leading. 

To create an atmosphere where it is possible to talk about violence so that those guilty 

are not condemned and they can be helped. 

It is very important to create an atmosphere where people can give and receive correction 

Offer courses on marriage: 

God’s idea of man and woman, 

God’s idea of relationship. 

Offer courses on education: 

How can I encourage, challenge my child? 

How should I react when he disobeys? 

Which rules or guidelines does my child need? 

Intervention 

As a counsellor attacked by counselee 

Immediately: 

You stop violence by voice 

(don’t show anger, keep calm, do not blame) 

You stop violence by leaving 

(Let the door open, run away to a secure place, do not fight and hit, do not try to show, that you are 

bigger, stronger...) 

If needed, call for help, do not attack, better than threaten, explain calmly the rules, be more like a 

rubber than a stone 

When a counselee is a victim 

Help them to protect, mostly they are not able to do it themselves, to leave the place and to hide, let the 

family come to your office, go home if necessary , give a help-hotline . 

When the counselee is an offender 

Make a contract to stop using violence, give a help-hotline, speak with the family, make a contract 

together, start a self-help group 

When suicide happens 

Give opportunities to speak about the deserted person, do not speak about the manners of suicide, 

organise a funeral where guilt will not be loaded onto the shoulder of friends, family members (and 

counsellor). If in a class or group with fixed places: change places after some days, speak about the 

normal reactions: shame, guilt, angry, shock, denial, sadness, fear, less of appetite, sleepless ness , 

lack of concentration and after some month: process new orientation … 

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Addiction 

1. Spiritual background: 

We were created to reign over the world with God in His image. 

Gen. 1: 28. 

God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. 

Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the 

ground." 

Because of the fall we have been cut off from fellowship with God. 

Gen 3: 24. 

“After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming 

sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.” 

This breaking of fellowship was so strong that it tore away a part of man. 

As a consequence the loss of fellowship left a big hole. 

Mt. 4: 4 

Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from 

the mouth of God.” 

Man tries to fill this hole with all possible means. But since this hole has no bottom, man tries to fill it all 

the more which becomes an addiction. 

One can only fill this hole with God. 

Prov. 16, 20: Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord. 

2. Worldly background: 

The world says there have been addictions as long as there are people. Behind every addiction there is 

a need. Since we people are relationship beings, no addiction can satisfy our deepest need for 

fellowship. When fleeing from conflicts we have adopted certain habits. And so the danger area of 

addictive behaviour develops. Addiction starts where consciously and in an increasing measure one 

‘remedy’ is used that happens to pacify or satisfy one at the moment. 

3. Definition: 

Addiction usually manifests itself in a compensational compulsive complex of a person’s emotions, 

thoughts and actions. Characteristic of it is a limited or impossible control of such behaviour and a 

highly visible tendency to increase the dose. 

Addiction is more than being dependant – to be addicted is to be a slave. It is a condition which is no 

longer controlled by the will. 

There are an emotional and a physical dependency. Emotional dependency is shown by the fact that 

one cannot imagine a life without it any more. In physical dependency the body has already adapted 

itself to the addiction in such a way that it cannot live without it any more either. 

4. Forms: 

Addiction to buying, eating obsession, gambling, workaholism, cleaning obsession, addiction to TV, 

pornography, music, alcohol, smoking and drug addiction, kleptomania, addiction to amusement, 

obsession with recognition and importance, addiction to power, sport, lying, religious fanaticism, 

serving…. 

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5. Factors influencing addiction: 

- Parents’ style of upbringing 

- The way the parents deal with addiction 

- Difficulties in everyday life 

- Friends 

- Social thinking: materialism, performance-oriented thinking, perfectionism, 

- Family break-up/ family pressure 

- Personality type 

6. How do I get free from addiction? 

Step 1: recognition - who does not recognise that he is addicted and is not able to come out by himself, 

cannot be helped! 

Step 2: talk about it – what has been expressed is in the light and has lost power! 

Step 3: if someone does not tackle the problem he will not come free! Taking stock: clarify the course of 

events/pattern and relationships 

Step 4: Therapy – self-help groups - mentoring – medication – professional help. 

Step 5: Time does not heal (automatically) but healing needs time in order to learn new Biblical 

patterns. On the one hand crying to God and on the other hand waiting for God’s time. Psalm 107. 

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Conclusion: 

Repressing deficiencies is sin and shows my deception towards God and people. 

Deficiencies apply to all areas: spirit, emotions and body. 

All addictions are relationship killers towards God and people. 

Healing in the spiritual area starts where God’s presence first has its effect. 

Counselling is relationship therapy first to God and then to people. 

Counselling of addicted people needs much patience and mercy. 

Meeting Financial Problems in Counselling 

1. General financial principles of the Bible 

The basic one: God wants to supply all our needs and is able to do it 

Basic Bible scripture: 

Mat 6:25-32 

25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what 

you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 

26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly 

Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 

27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 

28 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labour or 

spin. 

29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. 

30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the 

fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 

31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 

32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 

33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 

Distinction between needs, improvements and desires 

But we have to distinguish between needs, improvements and desires. 

Needs are the things, which are really necessary to save and maintain our very lives. Improvements 

involve choices about quality – whether to get a simple washing machine or a high quality one, whether 

to eat just food or a five course dish. 

Desires are choices of things, we do not need but which are nice, well pleasing and enjoyable. 

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Example. A small good used car would meet a basic need, a new car is a reasonable improvement, 

and a new four wheeled big car might be desired. 

There are testing times 

We can rely on God’s provision. That means: 

He will supply all the things, which we need for body, soul and spirit to live a life glorifying him and 

pleasing him. 

That does not exclude difficult times of testing, where we hunger and thirst, but they will pass. They are 

under God’s control. 

Deu 8:3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you 

nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that 

comes from the mouth of the LORD. 

Exo 16:2-3 

In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. The Israelites said to them, "If 

only we had died by the LORD's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food 

we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death." 

Rom 8:35 

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, 

or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 

God has made the rich and the poor! 

Pro 22:2 Rich and poor have this in common: The LORD is the Maker of them all. 

Ecc 5:19 Also every man to whom God has given riches and wealth, and has given him power to eat of 

it and to take his portion, and to rejoice in his labour; this is the gift of God. 

Pro 29:13 The poor man and the oppressor have this in common: The LORD gives sight to the eyes of 

both. 

1Sa 2:7 The LORD sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts. 

Mat 26:11 For you have the poor with you always, but you do not always have Me. 

There will always be poor people. This is part of our world and will be till Jesus comes back. 

That means for the counsellor: Poverty can be a curse and a blessing. Richness can be a curse and a 

blessing. 

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We shall cast our anxiety on him 

1Pe 5:6-7 Therefore be humbled under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you in due time, 

(7) casting all your anxiety onto Him, for He cares for you. 

This casting sometimes is like a heavy battle. We are surrounded by spirits of anxiety trying to break 

our trust and confidence and we have to fight against them consistently. 

We can obstruct the flow of God’s provision 

See these topics treated more fully under 2. „Teach him to manage finances in a wise manner“ 

By being stingy and withholding money, By making debts, By being lazy, By being greedy, covetous 

and envious, By unbelief, murmuring and bitterness, By sinful behaviour without repentance. 

Be content with what you have 

1Ti 6:6-8 

But godliness with contentment is great gain. (7) For we brought nothing into the world, and it is clear 

that we can carry nothing out. (8) But having food and clothing, we will be content. 

Heb 13:5 

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." 

and Exo 20:17 

"You shall not covet your neighbour’s house. You shall not covet your neighbour’s wife, or his 

manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbour." 

God often gives through our giving. 

Luk 6:38 

Give, and it shall be given to you, good measure pressed down and shaken together and running over, 

they shall give into your bosom. For with the same measure that you measure, it shall be measured to 

you again. 

Acts 20: 35 In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, 

remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.” 

2Co 9:6 

Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will 

also reap generously. 

Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for 

God loves a cheerful giver. 

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Guidelines for counselling financial problems 

1. Do not play God 

You are not responsible to meet the financial needs of the Counselee. It is something between him and 

God and not something between him and you. Resist the pressure of having to help him by giving him 

money, when you are not clearly prompted by the spirit to do that. You should try to help him to deal 

with his finances (or lack of finances) in a Biblical way, so that he will receive from God and not from 

you. 

Be careful not to become the servant of your counselee’s inappropriate attitude towards finances. 

(Luk 12:13-15) 

Someone in the crowd said to him, "Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me." Jesus 

replied, "Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?" Then he said to them, "Watch 

out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his 

possessions." 

If you notice that behind the financial problem there are immoderate claims, covetousness, envy, greed, 

materialism, more finance will not solve the problem at all, only changing of one’s attitude. 

2. Find out, which Biblical principle is relevant for the situation of the counselee 

See above. Is it required to build up his trust? 

• To teach him to cast his burdens unto the Lord? 

• To find out with him in what ways he inhibits the flow of financial grace from God? 

• To teach him to be content with what he has got? 

• To teach him to give freely and be more generous? 

3. Teach him to manage finances in a wise manner 

It is part of discipleship! 

Especially work on the following practical principles, using the attached scriptures. 

Reducing and avoiding debts. Very important! 

Rom 13:7-8 

“Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, 

then respect; if honour, then honour. Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love 

one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. 

Making a budget and sticking to it, with the goal of consistently spending not more money as it is 

available 

Luk 14, 28-30 

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"Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he 

has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone 

who sees it will ridicule him, saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.' 

Giving regularly and generously 

Luk 6:38 

Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will 

be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." 

4. Avoiding impulse buying 

This involves seeing something we want and buying it without checking quality, prices, whether the 

purchase is really needed or whether we can afford it. 

Gen 3:6 

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also 

desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was 

with her, and he ate it. 

1Jo 2:16 

For everything in the world-- the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he 

has and does-- comes not from the Father but from the world. 

Unlearning Laziness: Laziness to work or to work hard. To make a budget. To take care of property. To 

be faithful in the little things. 

Prov 6:6 – 9 

Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, 

yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest. How long will you lie there, you 

sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep? 

Prov10:4 

Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth. 

2Th 3:10-12 

10 For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat." 

11We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies.12 Such people we 

command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and earn the bread they eat. 

5. Thanking God 

Thanking God often and regularly for his measure of finances he has given to us, for his present and 

future provision. Before eating, in the morning and in the night and especially in times of need. 

Psa 50:14-15 +23 

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14 Sacrifice thank offerings to God; fulfil your vows to the Most High, 

15 and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honour me." 

23 He who sacrifices thank offerings honours me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the 

salvation of God." 

Phi 4:6-7 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let 

your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding shall 

keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 

Psa 16:6 

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. 

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60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

CODE OF ETHICS AND PRACTICE 


1. To get to know about the useful and realistic knowledge about code of ethics 

and practice. 


1. Teaching about code of ethics and practice. 30 Minutes 

2. Plenary session for discussing the points of the teaching. 30 Minutes 

TEACHING: 

The code of ethics and practice of ACC South Asia is given under the appendix of the handbook. 

260


60 Minutes 

TOPIC: 

COUNSELLING: COMPETENCE AND LIMITS 


1. To get to know the realistic and functional knowledge about the ability and 

helplessness of a counsellor on various issues. 


1. Briefing about competence and limits 05 Minutes 

2. Each one is working on the questions 1 – 6 and the list of possible 

areas of work. 

40 Minutes 

3. Sharing and discussing in small groups. 15 Minutes 

4. Distributing the list of Christian Consultants in North India 

TEACHING: 

Counselling: Competence and Limits 

Counsellors should have adequate training before beginning their counselling activities and they should 

see to it that they continue to have further education. 

Counsellors should actively assess the limits of their own competence through supervision or 

consultation, and by asking the opinion of their clients and other counsellors in this matter. Counsellors 

should only work within their known limits of competence 

It is a sign of competence for a counsellor to recognise his own inability to counsel certain persons and 

to refer them to other specialists. 

Questions and Suggestions 

1. What have been my counselling competences to date? In which areas of life or problem areas have 

I been able to help people in the past? 

2. Go through the list of “Possible areas of work and problem fields” and underline the areas where 

you have already been really able to help people! And underline with another colour where you got 

in trouble yourself! 

3. In which counselling competences am I training myself? 

4. Go through the list of “Possible areas of work and problem fields” and mark with a dot, the areas 

where you are training yourself in counselling competence! 

5. Which problem areas call rather for treatment by a doctor, psychiatrist or psychotherapist? Go 

through the list of “Possible areas of work and problem fields” and mark with a circle the areas 

which you would delegate to specialists! 

6. With whom can I talk over my counselling limits or questions? Who is my consultant? Start making 

yourself a list of trustworthy doctors, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, counsellors and social 

institutions, to which you can delegate your people when you come to your limits. 

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Possible areas of work and problem fields (the list is not complete) 

1. Conflicts in relationships and personality 

2. Marriage and partnership problems 

3. Sexual problems 

4. Crises of life and faith 

5. Working through deep wounds, often from childhood and youth 

6. Dealing with confession, repentance and forgiveness 

7. Inner healing 

8. Deliverance 

9. Marriage preparation 

10. Fear 

11. Depression 

12. Compulsive behaviour 

13. Addiction (drugs or alcohol) 

14. Anger, rage 

15. Jealousy 

16. Questions of orientation and meaning of life 

17. Exhaustion, burnout 

18. Questions of identity 

19. Cultivating resources and gifts, coaching 

20. Clearing up traumatic experiences (sexual abuse, violence) 

21. Perfectionism 

22. Performance orientation 

23. Religious legalism 

24. Spiritual abuse 

25. Occultism 

26. Difficulties at work 

27. Spiritual follow-up of Christians 

28. Personal discipleship training 

29. Strange habits 

30. Dealing with psychotic disturbances (delusions) 

31. Dealing with neurotic disturbances (strongly inappropriate reactions) 

32. Manic-depressive disturbances 

33. Schizophrenic disturbances 

34. Sleep disturbances 

35. Sexual disturbances 

36. Ministering to homosexuals 

37. Counselling concerning bringing up children 

38. Ministering during bereavement 

39. Retraining of inappropriate behaviour (thinking, talking or doing) 

40. Conflict management 

41. Training in communication 

42. Clearing up external relationships, marital unfaithfulness 

43. Ministering before or after marital separation or divorce 

44. Ministering to a critically-ill person 

45. Counselling parents of children with behavioural problems 

46. Dealing with suicidal people 

47. ……………………………………………………………….. 

………………………………………………………………. 

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UNITS 20- 23 FINALITY APPROACH OF BEHAVIOUR PROBLEMS 






4. 








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UNITS 23 REPETITION, EVALUATION AND CERTIFICATION 

• If required any session could be repeated in this time. 

• The evaluation of this level 1counselling training is done here. 

• The following questions could be used for doing this evaluation. 

1. How does this counselling program touch my personal life? 

2. What are the influences and changes encouraged by 

this training in my ministry? 

3. How am I planning to use this learning in the future? 

4. Would you propose to add or delete any topic in the level 1 training? 

If ‘Yes’, please specify ‘why’. 

• The certification for the students is done here. 

NB: Teachers and students can use this time meaningfully if a good planning is done in advance. 

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KNOWLEDGE ASSESSMENT UNITS 1 - 22 

Tick only one choice is to be made, the most appropriate answer from 

the choices and state your reason with comment. 

1 What is the main concept of counselling? 

Counsellor listens to counselee 

Listening ear binds up wounds 

It is a healing process 

Hearing the gospel and growing in the character of Jesus 

Giving comfort and care, as mother cares for her child 

Walking alongside with someone for a while 

It encourages repentance which leads to life. 

2 What is the difference between counsellor and counselee? 

Counsellor is hearing 

Counselee is talking 

Counsellor takes the responsibility of leading the counselling 

Counselee feels loved and accepted by the counsellor 

Counselee is a broken-hearted person 

Counsellor is a healed broken- hearted person 

Counsellor is admonishing and teaching counselee with all 

wisdom 

3 Core idea of Acts 20: 31 in relation with counsellor 

Counsellor spends much time, around three years 

Counsellor is available day and night 

Counsellor does his work with much affection and tears 

Counsellor ultimately bestows counselee to God and His 

grace. 

Guards counselee from wrong notions of life 

Counsellor does his duty selflessly without expecting any 

man’s reward 

Counsellor works hard and diligently 

4 What does ‘slow to speak’ mean in counselling? (James 1: 19) 

The counselee feels loved and accepted 

Counselee will open up 

Counsellor will check the problem more precisely 

Answer not before listening 

Keep counsellor’s ideas inside his hearts 

Counselee will open up his hurts and wounds 

Counselee will reveal his anxieties. 

Write your comment 

265

Tick only one choice is to be made, the most appropriate answer from 

the choices and state your reason with comment. 

5 How important to notice non verbal communication in 

counselling session? 

Notice facial expression 

Silence and sigh articulates much 

Body movement illustrates state of mind 

How fingers keep rest while communication goes 

Important to note the pause and breaks in speaking 

Eye contact, pitch and speed of speech speaks much 

Body language shows sometimes better than words 

6 What does God given identity for humans mean in counselling? 

All counselling sessions are based on this identity 

Men and women knew and felt that God created them 

Men and women will not be satisfied with God 

Through the Fall a lack is formed in man and woman 

By the Fall Man lost his relationship with God 

By the Fall Man lost sight of his counterpart, God 

Man himself tries to fill up the vacuum formed in him by Fall 

7 What do I learn about counselling from the washing of feet in the 

story of John 13: 1 – 17? 

Jesus had full authority but He acted in the utter meekest way 

Jesus does it in the full extent of love, care and compassion 

Counselee may be stubborn but be clear, mild and meek 

Honouring counselee in maximum 

Spirit of washing of feet brings repentance. 

Jesus showed us an example and expects His disciples to do 

the same 

This way surely leads to repentance in counselling 

8 What can I learn about counselling from 2 Tim 2: 24 – 25? 

In a good counselling session we have sufficient time 

Intimacy, high transparency, and individual attention. 

Don’t use boiling or ice-cold words, but gentle words 

Not forcing things but gently instruct even those opposing 

Must be kind to every one, not resentful 

High respect and honour to counselee 

Rely on God’s intervention rather than counsellor’s work 

Write your comment 

266

9. What is the most important thing a counsellor needs to keep in mind when a conflict arises 

during counselling session? 

10. How could you verify the intention of the counselee in his problem during a counselling 

session? 

11. In 2 Tim 2:25 we read: … in the hope, that God will grant them repentance. What does that 

hope imply in the counselling? 

12. What are the things you would like to include while ‘ending’ a counselling session? 

13. What are the advantages of receiving supervision for your counselling work? 

14. How do knowledge of the worth and the dignity of the counselee decide your counselling 

session in a vital manner? 

15. Describe the three levels of communication. 

16. Give some examples on how to focus on a theme. 

17. Give a structure for a 20 minutes session. 

18. What is ‘Active Listening’? 

19. How do you differentiate evil influence and divine influence in counselling? 

20. What are the seven unchangeable characteristics in man and how significantly does this relate 

to his God given identity? 

267

21. What do you learn from the analogy, (king and beggar), and (saint and sinner)? 

22. How does the knowledge of four types of people and Johari window help in counselling 

session? 

23. How does drama triangle and genogram particularly play together in your life situation? 

24. How important is the respecting and identifying the feelings of counselee in the light of 

genogram and sibling constellation? 

25. How can you give suggestions to over come wrong patterns of thought in life? 

26. In the Biblical view, the family (which is at least three generations) is one powerful organism. 

What are some practical consequences of that fact? 

27. What can hinder the process of bereavement in counselling session and how can you handle it 

in your counselling session? 

28. Hurts never just go away! What are the practical steps you need to keep in your mind while 

dealing with hurts in counselling sessions? 

29. What are the symptoms of hurts in physical, mental and spiritual realm? 

30. How do you deal with the inner hurts you had to forgive? 

31. What is the main principle of ABCDEF method? And how is it important to the realm of feelings 

in ones life? 

268

32. What are the symptoms for identifying a good spirit of motivation? 

33. What are the benefits you receive in forgiveness? 

34. What is the truth in saying forgiveness is not primarily feeling but a decision based on God’s 

word? How can you apply it in the hard feelings of one’s life in the counselling session? 

35. How can you put into practice the act on cross and forgiveness in your counselling context? 

36. What are the core ideas of various development theories and how are these significantly 

relevant in Christian counselling? What is the caution needed to be taken in applying 

development theory? 

37. How do apply the four sieves in your counselling session? 

38. How do you detect your limits in a counselling session? How do you respond to it? 

39. How do you practise “my confessions” in your counselling session? 

40. What is the greatest obstacle in your counselling ministry and how do you over come it? 

41. How will you face the situation if your counselee gets violent on you for no reason of your own? 

42. How do you make use of the knowledge of non verbal communication for the better out come of 

counselling session? 

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ASSIGNMENTS DURING LEVEL 1(UNITS 1-23) 

• 50 hours of counselling with supervised report 

• 10 hours of Reading and writing 

• 1 case study of maximum 1250 words 

• The checklists for both reading and counselling assignments are given below. 

• For doing the reading and counselling assignments during the period of unit 1 to unit 23 various 

assisting forms for the trainees are also given below. 

• Case study structure and one sample case study are also given below. 

270



UNIT :(write its number and name) 


Write and list out the main ideas you find a through out the reading materials of this particular unit. 




4. 








271


ASSIGNMENTS CHECK LIST OF THE LEVEL 1 TRAINING 

50 Hours of supervised counselling 

Date Hours Issue of Counselling Signature 

Supervisor 

Signature 

Trainer 

272

NB: 

For each session you need to fill in the attached COUNSELLOR’S NOTE AFTER COUNSELLING 

and the attached COUNSELEE’S REMARK ON COUNSELLOR’S CONTRIBUTION. 

You need to show the paper to your teacher with these Check List. You are free to use the threshold 

questionnaire for conducting counselling sessions. 

273


10 Hours of reading and writing 

Name of the reading topic Hours done Signature Trainer 

274


COUNSELLOR’S NOTE AFTER COUNSELLING 

COUNSELLOR: 

COUNSELEE: 

COUNSELLING DATE: 

DURATION: 

1. Summary of issue dealt with 

2. Main questions/ideas raised by counsellor during the counselling session 

3. Main questions/ideas raised by counselee during the counselling session 

4. An important moment felt in the counsellor’s heart due to something said by the counselee 

5. Your suggestions for the growth of the counselee 

275


COUNSELEE’S REMARK ON COUNSELLOR’S CONTRIBUTION 

COUNSELLOR’S NAME: 

COUNSELLING DATE: 

DURATION: 

KINDLY TICK THE FOLLOWING: 

1 I could experience that he/she took enough time to listen to me. ok good superb 

2 I realise that he/she understands me well. ok good superb 

3 I say that he/she allowed me to talk as much I wanted. ok good superb 

4 I want to continue sessions with him/her further. ok good superb 

Any special comments: 

Name: 

Signature: 

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THRESHOLD QUESTIONNAIRE FOR COUNSELEE 

NAME: 

DATE OF FILLING UP: 

1. KINDLY TICK THE FOLLOWING: 

1 It was fully my decision to come for this counselling session YES NO NOT SURE 

2 I’m passionate about serving Lord in my life under all circumstances. YES NO NOT SURE 

3 I like somebody supports me in my life with counsel. YES NO NOT SURE 

4 I mostly like to give service first rather than I receive service first. YES NO NOT SURE 

5 I appreciate well if I am understood reasonably well. YES NO NOT SURE 

6 I feel most of the time that things go wrong with me. YES NO NOT SURE 

7 I feel frightened and worried many times. YES NO NOT SURE 

8 I am deeply hurt by certain people YES NO NOT SURE 

9 I think I need help very much in certain areas or matters in life. YES NO NOT SURE 

2. GIVE THE NAME, GENDER AND AGE OF THE FOLLOWING: e.g. John (M) (49) 

a) Father ……………………. b) Mother ……………………………… 

c) Brother/Sister 1. ………………… 2. ………………… 3. ………………… 4. ………………… 

d) Husband/Wife ………………… 

5. ………………… 6. ………………… 7. ………………… 8. ………………… 

e) Children 1. ………………… 2. ………………… 3. ………………… 4. ………………… 

3. I NEED SOME GUIDANCE IN THE FOLLOWING AREAS: (TICK IF ANY) 

1. Addiction 2. Sexual characteristics 3. Relationship 

4. Faith matters 5. Education 6. Occupation 7. Married life 8. Finance 9. Others:__________ 

4. SOME TIMES I FEEL: (TICK IF ANY) 

1. Headache 2. Back pain 3. Asthma/blood pressure/sugar 4. Sleeplessness/over sleepy 

5. Lack of appetite 6. Fatigue 7. Frightening night dreams 8. Hallucinations 

9. Excitement 10. Restlessness 11. Depression / rejection 

4. IN THIS PARTICULAR COUNSELLING SESSION I WOULD LIKE TO DEAL WITH A SPECIFIC MATTER: 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

5. Any other comments: 

6. Give the date: 1. Salvation: Date…. Month…. Year…. 2. Baptism: Date…. Month…. Year…. . 

3. Receiving the Holy Spirit: Date…. Month…. Year…. 

Name: 

Signature 

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SELF EVALUATION OF THE COUNSELLING SESSION BY COUNSELLOR 

COUNSELEE DATE PLACE TIME 

1 Overall flow of 

counselling 

Under my 

expectation 

Average Good Warming up Ending Struggles Openings Follow up 

Comment 

2 Subjects 

talked 

1 2 3 4 5 

Focussed one matter 

What When How Why Outcome 

3 Thoughts Counsellor 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 

Counselee 

4 Feelings Counsellor 

Counselee 

5 Experience Counsellor 

counselee 

6 Tools and 

Methods 

Active 

listening 

Solution 

focussing 

Prayer Bible reading Letter writing Genogram Siblings Other’s 

guilt 

Breaking at 

the Cross 

Chair 

method 

Let Feeling go Cancelling 

undisturbed the debt 

ABCDEF 

Johari 

window 

Development 

theory 

Worth & 

dignity 

Four types 

of people 

Drama 

Triangle 

Four viewing 

My 

Confessions 

Fact, Feeling, 

Intention 

Non verbal 

Creative or 

other: name it 

Voice of 

God 

7 Intervention by 

counsellor 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 

8 Action plan for 

counselee 

9 Self reflection 

10 Consultation 

NB: write significant matters only in short in every space given. Use pencil, if erasing is needed. 

278


CASE STUDY OF MAXIMUM 1250 WORDS: STRUCTURE 

FIRST HALF OF CASE STUDY 

1. Issue and Process of the Counselling 

Maximum ½ of the case study (maximum 625 words) 

• To review the counselling process and the main focus 

• To review and verify main thoughts, feelings and experience 

of counselee and counsellor 

SECOND HALF OF CASE STUDY 

2. Reflection of the Counselling Process and Self Reflection of the own Work as Counsellor 

Minimum half of the case study (625 words) 

• Which tools and methods did you use? 

• Evaluate interventions and your action plan 

• Self reflection of own work as a counsellor with the help of a consultant. 

279

A CASE WORK ON CONFLICTING MARRIED COUPLE: 

1. ISSUE AND PROCESS OF THE COUNSELLING AND MAIN FOCUS: 

A woman walked in to attend the church service with a three and a half year old child. I received her as 

a pastor’s wife and gave care to her. She started sharing her problem. 

She was a Hindu girl working in the Ministry of external affairs. She went to Yugoslavia on her posting. 

There she met an Indian boy who was doing his MBBS. They fell in love and got married in India. 

They had a good start. The husband heard about Jesus in his childhood so they used to go to some 

Catholic church. They found it was a good place to be alone for both of them to pray. 

As the days went by she got posted to the USA. Then her in-laws started visiting and problems started. 

They started arguing and fighting. Life became full of problems .She had problems with the husband 

and in-laws. Her family members had rejected her from childhood. 

My first thoughts and hesitations 

I thought it was impossible for her to restore her family life. We cannot counsel only one person 

because we don’t know the thoughts and desires of the other side. She already planned to divorce her 

husband and to marry another man. She always talked in that line. She was prepared in the mind but in 

the corner she wanted him because she loved still him. 

Process 

We met over a period of three years. I can't count the different kind of meetings. 

First, she did not have communication with her husband. I asked her to write some letters to show that 

she still loves him. She did so. It opened both their eyes and their love for each other. I believe that he 

also felt good and responded. 

Second, I told her that in her letters not to write so much about herself and struggle. That helped him 

because he was not threatened of this relationship based on his performance. She was ready to accept 

him. So they started talking over phone in an extended time. Whenever she asked him “When are you 

going to work? When will you take us there?” I found him irritated and angry with her and then stopped 

communications. Because at this point He could not practically take them without money, job. If she 

demanded, more frustrations occurred for both of them. He felt failure in career, studies, family life, as a 

son before his parents. He was in a situation studying there supported by parents. She didn’t have 

enough money to help him. He wanted to work there, and didn’t want come back to India. So he 

struggled for visa money. He was in a situation where he could not take a decision –money constrains, 

desire to be there, anxiety for his future job as doctor there, parents expectation, still taking money from 

them for his studies. It was above all, meeting their and his wife’s expectation. 

Main Focus: After listening to her few for a few weeks, we agreed upon focusing just one matter that 

she wanted the most. It was the reconciliation with husband but all doors were closed. She did not have 

any communication with him. 

My intervention precisely was to show her how she could support him in this situation as a suitable 

partner till he settles down. This would be the best way to make him understand that she loves him, not 

demanding with her needs. Desires, God will provide that for her. My point was not breaking that string 

of relationship she was having through phone and mail. 

280

2. REFLECTION OF THE COUNSELLING PROCESS AND 

SELF REFLECTON OF THE OWN WORK AS COUNSELLOR 

Tools and Methods used: 

1. Active listening: In two to three sittings she spoke her stories, hurt, fearful thoughts, frustration at 

work and at home and she felt relaxed. 

2. Prayer: Started with prayer and ended with prayer and she liked the prayer and cooperated with 

prayers seriously. 

3. Focusing just on one problem: It was the reconciliation with husband she wanted the most and 

we focussed on that but all doors were closed. 

4. Solution focused approach: As counsellor I asked her what would happen if she could write some 

normal letters to him. She felt it was ok. 

5. Letter writing: And she did so. To our surprise he responded slowly. 

6. Practical assignment like Bible reading: I gave her to read some Bible portion talking about 

God’s design of family and its importance. It helped her. 

7. Genogram: One thing found was that family breaking down and some behavioural pattern was 

identified namely dominance. 

8. Cross at Calvary: Broke the power of them at the cross by praying and uprooting the curses. 

9. Dealing with the other’s guilt: She was basically rejected from childhood; physically and verbally 

abused by parents. Sexually abused by others; like friends in working place and relatives too. 

10. Method of chair: Kept a chair thinking the person sitting before her and shared what they did to 

her. And how she felt about that. And how it was hurting her then. 

11. Allowing free flow of feelings: She released her anger, resentment, guilt, hurt. She cried aloud 

and she got personal relief and deliverance. 

12. Cancelling the debt: She released the people from her heart. She believed judgment and 

punishment belongs to God. She cancelled the debt by forgiving them. 

13. Abcdef method: Used to change her wrong pattern and self destructing thoughts through this 

method. 

Evaluation of my Interventions 

I often reacted as a counsellor without an overall strategy due to the role conflicts written below. But the 

woman and I agreed to the main focus of reconciliation. That gave my partly confused intervention, 

meaning and power and led at the end to success with the help of God. 

Consultation: 

I consulted with a consultant. There it was suggested to me to make the contract, especially about time. 

And also suggested to me that if it didn’t happen, it would be good to direct her to another counsellor. 

281

Self reflection: 

Difficult to say no: I realize now that it was my problem to say no to her whenever she wanted to talk 

to me or spend time with her in a reasonable manner with out murmuring inside. 

Church member and took much time: She attended church regularly and wanted to use most of the 

time with me and that became a disturbance for me. 

Referred to other counsellors: So I slowly and gently directed her to another counsellor but she came 

back to me. 

No contracting: I see that it was mostly my responsibility to lead counselee for having a contract of 

time as the leader of the counselling session. 

Role conflicts: She felt good, some times having me as her mother. Other times, she saw me as a 

sister, a pastor’s wife, and counsellor. I was confused really which role to choose. 

Inner conflict: As a counsellor I had an inner conflict and struggled between being a helper, a helpless 

counsellor and an active counsellor. I helped her in my powerless situation as counsellor. I could not do 

much as an active counsellor except to help her writing letters I advised her not to disturb him or irritate 

him by talking about her wants and demands. Just to be a support understanding him. 

Finally: Through letters and over phone they kept the relationship going. In the third year she got 

transferred to Cuba on the way she stayed back in the USA. for three months and had good time. Even 

when I had a chance to be there in the USA I could spend a day with this family. All glory to God! 

282

APPLICATION FORM FOR LEVEL 1 BASIC CHRISTIAN COUNSELLING COURSE: 

Name: 

Marital status: Single / Married 

Gender: Male / Female Age: 

Phone: 

Name of ( Husband/ Wife): 

Email: 

Contact Address: 

Names of children: 

PIN CODE: 

Permanent Address: 

PIN CODE: 

Church: 

Biblical Education done: 

Formal Education done (tick below): 

Below 10 th 10 th 10 +2 Bachelor’s 

Master’s Any other, specify 

Counselling Education done: 

Signature of the Applicant: 

For Office use: 

Work doing now: 

283

ACC (S. ASIA) 

ASSOCIATION OF CHRISTIAN COUNSELLORS 

‘A Catalyst for Excellence in Christian Care and Counsel’ 

CODE OF ETHICS AND PRACTICE 

For COUNSELLORS and PASTORAL CARE MEMBERS 

With the statement of Faith of ACC (S.Asia) and Complaints Procedure 

The Code of Ethics and Practice is under review and minor amendments may be made during 2002. For 

brevity, the word ‘client’ is used throughout to indicate the person for whom care is being provided. 

1. STATEMENT OF FAITH OF THE ASSOCIATION 

The Association affirms the central truths of the Christian faith as expressed in the Bible and historic creeds. 

God is one and this unity is revealed to man as Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The ACC recognises this and 

specifically the Lordship of Christ and the authority of the Bible in all areas of belief and practice. 

The Association acknowledges that there are different emphases within the various Christian counselling 

traditions and recognises that some Christian approaches are more at ease than others in drawing on 

insights from secular theory and practice. 

2. ETHICAL BASIS FOR COUNSELLING AND PASTORAL CARE 

Care must be taken not to exploit clients; because of the vulnerable nature of clients special care is required 

and the client should be kept fully informed and given the opportunity at every stage for discussion. 

The integrity and confidentiality of the client must be maintained. 

The safety of the client must be safeguarded and all reasonable steps taken to encourage the client to seek 

appropriate medical, legal or other professional assistance. 

All Christian Counsellors and Pastoral Care Members should be integrated in the body of a local church 

community and receive appropriate support for their work. (Supervision for Counsellors and Pastoral Cover 

for Pastoral Care members). 

3. CODE OF PRACTICE FOR THE COUNSELLOR/PASTORAL CARE MEMBER/CLIENT 

RELATIONSHIP 

Members should take all reasonable steps to ensure that the client suffers neither physical nor psychological 

harm during encounters. 

Members are responsible for working in ways which promote the client’s control over his/her own life and 

respect the client’s ability to make decision and change in the light of his/her own beliefs and values. 

Members do not normally act on behalf of their clients. If they do, it will only be at the express request of the 

client. 

Members must not exploit their clients financially, sexually, emotionally, or in any other way. Members have 

responsibility to establish with the client what other therapeutic methods of helping relationships are 

available. Members should gain the client’s permission before conferring with other professional workers. 

Exceptional circumstances may arise which give the Member good grounds for believing that the client will 

cause serious physical harm to others or to him/herself. In such circumstances the client’s consent to break 

284

confidentiality should be sought whenever possible unless there are also good grounds for believing the 

client is no longer able to take responsibility for his/her own action. Whenever possible, the decision to break 

the confidentiality should be made only after consultation with the person overseeing the counselling and 

caring. 

Members need to be particularly aware that the client’s right to confidentiality is not breached in the context 

of prayer. 

Members should monitor actively the limitations of their own competence and involvement and work within 

their own know limits. 

Members should not work when their functioning is impaired due to personal or emotional difficulties, illness, 

disability, alcohol, drugs or for any other reason. 

It is an indication of the competence of the Member when they recognise their inability to help particular 

person and make appropriate referrals. 

Members have a responsibility to themselves and their clients to maintain their own effectiveness, resilience 

and ability to help clients by seeking help and advice from the person who provides their supervision or 

Pastoral Cover. 

Members should have received adequate basic training before commencing 

work and be willing to maintain ongoing training. 

Members should take reasonable steps to ensure their own physical safety. 

Members should not conduct themselves in their caring activities in ways which undermine public 

confidence either in their roles as a Member, or in t the work of other Members. 

If a Member suspects misconduct by another Member which cannot be resolved or remedied after 

discussion with the person concerned, they should implement the Complaints Procedure, doing so without 

breach of confidentiality other than that which is necessary for investigating the complaint. 

4. COMPLAINTS PROCEDURE 

The only complaints that can be dealt with by ACC are those concerning failure to comply with the Code of 

Ethics and Practice and the Statement of Faith. 

All complaints should be taken up with the ACC Member, in the first instance, both verbally and in writing. 

If there is no satisfactory conclusion then the complaint should be taken up, in with the chairperson of the 

Association, 

Samson Gandhi (Chair ACC (S. Asia)) Person to Person Institute for Christian Counseling 

“Sai Mithra Orneta”, 295, St No. 7, Rd. No. 3, Flat No. 401, West Marredpalli, Secunderabad – 500 026 

Andhra Pradesh / India hyd2_counsel@sancharnet.in 

285

Application for Accreditation for Graduates of an ACC-certified Institution Level 1 

If the institution in which you completed your training is certified with the ACC, you only need to 

complete the shortened procedure. Find information on the internet under www.accsouthasia.org 

In this case only fill in the form for Level 1 below and send it to us with your attachments! 

Family name:......................................................................................................... 

First name: ............................................................................................................ 

Street / Postal code/ Location:............................................................................... 

.............................................................................................................................. 

Tel. private: ........................................................................................................... 

Fax private: ........................................................................................................... 

Tel. business: ........................................................................................................ 

E-mail:................................................................................................................... 

Internet:................................................................................................................. 

Date of birth:.......................................................................................................... 

Counselling training where and when completed:.................................................. 

.............................................................................................................................. 

Counselling work since:......................................................................................... 

ACC supervisor during the last 2 years: 

Name: ........................................................................................................ 

Number of hours/year: ............................................................................... 

With my signature I certify that I have taken note of the statutes and the ethical codex of the ACC and 

agree with them. 

Date/Signature: ..................................................................................................... 

Desired form of membership: 

Single member 

Member in training 

Attachments 

Copy of the diploma/certificate 

Proof of supervision 

Case study 

286

Literature and Links 

Literature 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pearls: Scriptures to live by, by Brian M. Campbell (Compiler), Paperback: 388 pages, New Horizons 

Press (July 2, 1994), English, ISBN-10: 0963673025, ISBN-13: 978-0963673022 

Competent Christian Counseling, Volume One: Foundations and Practice of Compassionate Soul 

Care, by Timothy Clinton (Editor), George Ohlschlager (Editor), 832 pages, WaterBrook Press; 1 edition 

(April 16, 2002), Language: English, ISBN-10: 1578565170, ISBN-13: 978-1578565177 

Christian Counseling: An Introduction, by H.Newton Malony David Augsburger, Abingdon 

Press,U.S., ISBN 13: 9780687332830, ISBN 10: 0687332834 

Genograms: Assessment and Intervention, by Randy Gerson Ph.D. (Author), Monica McGoldrick MA 

MSW Ph.D. (Author), Sueli Petry Ph.D. (Author), Paperback: 400 pages, W.W. Norton & Co.; Third 

Edition (February 17, 2008), English, ISBN-10: 0393705099, ISBN-13: 978-0393705096 

Family Constellation: Its Effects on Personality and Social Behavior, 4th Edition (Paperback), by 

Walter Toman PhD (Author), Paperback: 320 pages, Springer Publishing Company; 4 edition 

(November 15, 1992), English, ISBN-10: 0826104967, ISBN-13: 978-0826104960 

Seek the Face of God: Discovering the Power of Your Images of God, by Karl Frielingsdorf (Author), 

Paperback: 123 pages, Publisher: Ave Maria Press (March 2006), English, ISBN-10: 1594710376, 

ISBN-13: 978-1594710377 

Deep Wounds, Deep Healing: Discovering the Vital Link Between Spiritual Warfare and Inner 

Healing, by Charles H. Kraft (Author), Ellen Kearney (Author), Mark H. White (Author), Paperback: 295 

pages, Publisher: Vine Books (January 2004), English, ISBN-10: 0830734112, ISBN-13: 978- 

0830734115 

Links 

 

Basics of Christian Counselling 

www.orthodoxsermons.org/dmdocuments/PPT-BasicsOfChristianCounseling.ppt 

 

The Basics of Christian Counselling 

http://www.abbacanada.org/christiancounselling.html 

 

Counselling, mentoring, and helping others 

http://www.dougbrittonbooks.com/onlinebiblestudies-biblicalcounselingandmentoring.php 

 

How does psychology work with Biblical counselling? 

http://www.gotquestions.org/psychology-Biblical-counseling.html 

 

Faith and Therapy 

http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/xn-psych.html 

287

ADDRESS LIST OF LEVEL 3 CONSULTANTS AND COUNSELLORS BY ACC SWITZERLAND: 

1. THOMAS SAMUEL, 

AGAPE BHAWAN, DHYANSAR MORE, KARTHOLI VILLAGE, BARI BRAHMANA P.O, SAMBA 

DISTRICT, 181133. JAMMU AND KASHMIR. 

01923220541 (OFFICE) 09419137589 (MOBILE) lanleeoa@gmail.com 

2. LEENA SAMUEL, 

AGAPE BHAWAN, DHYANSAR MORE, KARTHOLI VILLAGE, BARI BRAHMANA P.O, SAMBA 

DISTRICT, 181133. JAMMU AND KASHMIR. 

01923220541 (OFFICE) 09419392221 (MOBILE) lanleeoa@gmail.com 

3. JOMON JOSEPH 

G 136 DETA 2, GREATER NOIDA, G B NAGAR, UTTAR PRADESH. PIN CODE 201306, 

09818860559 (MOBILE) jomonindia@yahoo.co.in 

4. JOHN DAVID 

257 NETAJI SUBASH APARTMENT, PKT 1 PHASE 2 

SECTOR 13, DWARAKA, NEW DELHI 78. 

09212263481 (MOBILE) john@anusaran.org 

5. ABHA DAVID 

257 NETAJI SUBASH APARTMENT, PKT 1 PHASE 2 

SECTOR 13, DWARAKA, NEW DELHI 78. 

09212263482 (MOBILE) abha@anusaran.org 

6. ANITHA SAMUEL 

F-58,GREENPARK(MAIN) 

NEW DELHI-110016 

09910961448(MOBILE) 011-41682788(RESIDENCE) ann23sam@yahoo.com 

7. PAUL RAJU S 

6790/1 A, 2 ND STREET, NEW HARGOBIND NAGAR, LUDHIANA. PIN CODE 141008 

09463885499 (MOBILE) paul_raju2004@yahoo.com 

8. BIJI PAUL 

6790/1 A, 2 ND STREET, NEW HARGOBIND NAGAR, LUDHIANA. PIN CODE 141008 

09463744211(MOBILE) bijipaul_86@yahoo.in 

9. GLADSON MATHEW (counsellor’s coordinator) 

OPERATION AGAPE, ASHIRWAD ASHRAM, KANGENGHERI ROAD, CHAWALA P.O, 

NEW DELHI 110071 

09911986466 (MOBILE) mathewgladson@gmail.com 

288

1. 2. 3. - Schori Beratungen

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