Rumbling on performativity_Frits Simon

As a logical consequence of my paradigm I also see my fellow human beings as paradoxical
original individuals, as “we must be others if we are to be ourselves.” (Mead,
1925: 276). I see my fellow human beings as individual human beings who have identities
which have been developed during their life-time, which are precious to them but
at the same time not chosen by them. Individual human beings are living paradoxes.
My defaults are inevitably normative: prescriptive generalizations towards reality.
They are ontologically given in my everyday life (Burkitt, 1999). Although my defaults
are not my own invention, they are so obviously – literally - incorporated that they
serve as my intentions and criteria of evaluation regarding what happens. I am well
aware that my paradigm has become my ideal in which lifelong experiences shine
through. In practice it is as difficult for me as for any other to realize my plans, even if
my plans are nourished by a seemingly high standing ideal of maximal engagement. I
expect that my research will provide an opportunity to test my paradigm.
Because of the type of research I want to undertake it is important to be aware of my
defaults. I am co-responsible for the history and the problems of my organization. I
also want to be a part of the problem solving so I have to be aware of my own story.
First, because my story has a co-defining impact on my perception of the problems
and the way I want to solve them. Second, my defaults will play a part in the interpretation
of the research findings. Especially in narrative based research it is important to
be aware of one’s own defaults because of their (historic) interaction with the narratives
of others (Kohler Riessman, 2008).
In the next parts I narratively describe some important private and professional life
events, which to my recollection are crucial in the development of my defaults. I also
recall how I reflected on these experiences, a reflection which provided me with ideas
to get some hold on my experiences. I finish with some rough ideas as a context for
my research project.
3.2 Defaults-genesis part I: growing up to be an adult
My teenage years
Although nowadays I have a strong naturalistic philosophical orientation (in short:
humans beings as natural beings), in my teenage years I was fascinated with eastern
philosophy, romantic literature, science fiction and fantasy. As apparently an average
adolescent I was seeking some kind of spiritual orientation. Looking eastward was
also a reflection of the 1970s in which alternative life styles emerged and in which
secularization took a next step in society. But I suppose my spiritual quest also reflected
an experience which I had when I was 8 years old. Asking a priest how on earth we
could blame the Jews for crucifying Jesus if everything was foreseen by God, he put me
down by saying that I was too young to understand these problems. I felt humiliated
and I remember that somehow I decided to disassociate me from the Catholic Church,
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