June 2015 - UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST
June 2015 digital edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. Get yourself a dose of humor today.
June 2015 digital edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. Get yourself a dose of humor today.
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<strong>UNCLE</strong> <strong>ANDY’S</strong> <strong>DIGEST</strong><br />
The Most Unusual Digest in America<br />
Save the Date!<br />
August 15th<br />
See inside for details!<br />
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I dont mean to brag... But I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 12 minutes.<br />
MODERN WOODMEN<br />
OF AMERICA<br />
<strong>June</strong> <strong>2015</strong><br />
Sunday, <strong>June</strong> 7th<br />
Flagship Cinema<br />
(Chapter 8609) Auburn<br />
$4 Member; $5.50 Guest<br />
Sunday, <strong>June</strong> 7th<br />
Sabattus American Legion<br />
Breakfast 7:30 – 10am<br />
Island Road, Sabattus<br />
$5 Member; $6 Guest<br />
Wednesday, <strong>June</strong> 10th<br />
Center St Café Breakfast 7 – 10am<br />
(Chapter 12907)<br />
Center St. Auburn<br />
$5 Member; $6 Guest<br />
Wednesday, <strong>June</strong> 10th<br />
Danny’s on the Mall 3:30 - 5:30pm<br />
(Chapter 7938)<br />
Main St Brunswick<br />
Free Member; $2 Guest<br />
Tuesday <strong>June</strong> 16th<br />
Taber’s 4 – 7pm<br />
(Chapter 12749)<br />
473 Lakeshore Drive, Auburn<br />
$5.50 Member; $6.50 Guest<br />
Wednesday, <strong>June</strong> 24th<br />
Dairy Joy 3 – 7pm<br />
(Chapter 14437)<br />
Campus Ave, Lew/ Spring St, Auburn<br />
$1 Member<br />
Tuesday, <strong>June</strong> 30th<br />
Village Pizzeria 11:30 - 1pm<br />
(Chapter 10929)<br />
Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls<br />
$5 Member; $5.50 Guest<br />
PARK TICKETS<br />
Aquaboggan<br />
To be announced<br />
Combo Fun/Splash<br />
$26 member; $27 guest<br />
Funtown $19 member; $20 guest<br />
Santa's Village<br />
$27 member; $28 guest<br />
Splashtown<br />
$18 member; $20 guest<br />
WaterCountry<br />
$28 member; $29 guest<br />
York Animal Kingdom<br />
$10 member; $11 guest<br />
Money can't buy happiness, but it can help you look for it quicker, in a convertible.<br />
TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RE-<br />
TURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED<br />
Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to<br />
change. If additional info is needed, please<br />
call our office, please do not call restaurants.<br />
All activities can only be attended at<br />
the times listed.<br />
*************************<br />
Tickets need to be purchased at the<br />
Modern Woodmen District Office,<br />
184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all<br />
activities and can only be picked up the<br />
week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs<br />
9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon<br />
(excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.
<strong>UNCLE</strong> <strong>ANDY’S</strong> <strong>DIGEST</strong><br />
is published by the first<br />
Friday of every month by Maine<br />
Mountain Ocean Group, Inc.<br />
with offices at 9 Grove Street,<br />
Auburn, Maine, USA.<br />
It is distributed free throughout<br />
Central Maine and mailed to<br />
subscribers all over the Free<br />
World. Subscriptions are<br />
$30/year. Send a check made out<br />
to <strong>UNCLE</strong> <strong>ANDY’S</strong> <strong>DIGEST</strong> to:<br />
PO Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212<br />
UncleAndysDigest.com<br />
Office: 207-783-7039<br />
Fax: 207-777-3898<br />
UAD Super Heroes<br />
SPIDY<br />
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I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.<br />
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Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again!<br />
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Mike & Joe<br />
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licensed<br />
denturists<br />
While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to<br />
ensure the accuracy of the information in our<br />
client’s advertisements and our publication in<br />
general, we are not responsible for vendor<br />
availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies,<br />
product pricing errors, or omissions.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
4<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.<br />
JOIN US EVERY THURSDAY!<br />
Ladies Night • 1/2 priced drinks • Live music outside on our Patio<br />
103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 333-3070 • RailsMaine.com<br />
Tuesday - Thursday 11am - 9pm; Friday & Saturday 11am - 10pm<br />
At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted?<br />
JUNE Line-up:<br />
4th - Derek Cote<br />
11th - Nick Racioppe<br />
18th - Michael Krapoviki<br />
25th - Scott Gagne<br />
Out ’n About at Whiting Farm with John F. Murphy Homes<br />
It sure feels<br />
great to be outside of the<br />
office environment! What<br />
an amazing opening<br />
weekend!!<br />
(l to r): Kim Redmun, Terry Smith, Patty Rose, Sara Kidd,<br />
Devin Goyette, Scott Wilson, Laurie Turton, Owen Voisine & Even Emerson<br />
I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.<br />
Lemon Law<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
A pair of newlyweds on<br />
their honeymoon in<br />
California are riding<br />
bikes through San<br />
Diego County. As they<br />
get further into the ride,<br />
they come upon a<br />
citrus grove.<br />
Taking note of what<br />
they’ve come across<br />
the husband says:<br />
“Honey look! It’s a citrus<br />
grove. Have you<br />
had any experience<br />
picking lemons?”<br />
The wife pauses, looks<br />
at her husband and<br />
says: “Well honey, I’ve<br />
been divorced four<br />
times.”<br />
Pears<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A squirrel is in a pine<br />
tree, when all of a sudden,<br />
it starts shaking.<br />
He looks down, and<br />
sees an elephant<br />
climbing the tree.<br />
"What are you doing?<br />
Why are you climbing<br />
my tree?" the squirrel<br />
calls down to the<br />
elephant.<br />
"I'm coming up there to<br />
eat some pears!" the<br />
elephant responds.<br />
"You fool! This is a pine<br />
tree! There aren't any<br />
pears up here!"<br />
The elephant looks<br />
perplexed for a<br />
moment, and then<br />
says, "Well I brought<br />
my own pears."<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 5
Ask us how you c<br />
sponsor of this g<br />
Out ’n About at<br />
Whiting Farm<br />
with John F.<br />
Murphy Homes<br />
Whiting Farm has been<br />
part of its community since<br />
1937. Started by their parents,<br />
brothers Buster and<br />
Elmer had run the farm for<br />
decades, running 13 greenhouses<br />
and farming 60<br />
acres of their land. The farm<br />
closed in the Spring of 2013<br />
after Buster passed away.<br />
In December 2014 the<br />
farm was purchased by John<br />
F. Murphy Homes, a nonprofit<br />
company that offers<br />
services for people with developmental<br />
disabilities. The<br />
farm will now be a place for<br />
all to come and learn.<br />
Elmer is now a volunteer<br />
and is teaching the ropes to<br />
Kim Finnerty, Director of the<br />
Farm. They plan to raise<br />
vegetables and flowers in<br />
two greenhouses and 10<br />
acres. Kim, a teacher at Edward<br />
Little High School, will<br />
leave that position and continue<br />
to teach, but her students<br />
will be of all ages.<br />
“Eventually, the farm will<br />
have a very large educational<br />
aspect,” says Finnerty.<br />
Elmer is now 77-yearsold,<br />
is excited to see things<br />
growing again. He enjoys<br />
the new lease on life the<br />
farm has. “I do a little each<br />
day to help and teach,”<br />
Elmer shares.<br />
A huge team effort by<br />
many of the employees of<br />
JFM and even their children.<br />
They’re off and running and<br />
we look forward to the rebuilding<br />
of this community<br />
icon.<br />
Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.<br />
tu<br />
We<br />
W<br />
w<br />
H<br />
A HUGE T<br />
Colby waters the<br />
seedlings<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
6<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.
A poster at the zoo: ‘Don't scare the ostriches! The floors are concrete!'<br />
Out ’n About at<br />
Whiting Farm<br />
with John F.<br />
Murphy Homes<br />
Saturday, August 15th OUTSIDE at Mac’s Grill<br />
The Digest<br />
rns 20 this summer!<br />
Come help us<br />
celebrate!!<br />
ve partnered with<br />
Maine<br />
e hope to grant TWO<br />
ishes to local children!<br />
elp us meet that goal!!<br />
TONS OF FUN!<br />
3-6pm<br />
Happy Hour<br />
(Networking & silent auction)<br />
6-10pm<br />
Live music by The Whiskey Militia<br />
Walk around magic by Mark Vaillancourt<br />
Fun with Ginger Snap PhotoBooth<br />
Beer Garden with Federal Distributors<br />
Mac’s Grill will be grillin’!<br />
Roopers will be giving away ten $25 gift cards ($250)!<br />
Make A Wish Maine will be present with a local family!<br />
50/50 • Great Giveaways<br />
Come<br />
Join US!<br />
HANK YOU TO OUR MAJOR SPONSORS!<br />
Peter Kowalski,<br />
JFM Chief Executive Officer<br />
& Kim Finnerty,<br />
Director of the Farm<br />
Rolande &<br />
Normand LeClair<br />
Our Exclusive Beer Partner<br />
an become a<br />
reat event!<br />
Deb Bodwell RMS Mortgage<br />
Androscoggin Dental Group • Bilodeau Electric<br />
It’s the farm<br />
life for me...<br />
Flowers and plants<br />
and vegetables,<br />
oh my!<br />
Jeremy Rush,<br />
DJ for Z105.5<br />
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, the chicken was somewhere between<br />
8' to 11' tall.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 7
Anniversary<br />
Recall<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
If you are what you eat, then my dog is a calculator.<br />
A woman awakes in<br />
the middle of the night<br />
to find her husband not<br />
in bed. She puts on her<br />
robe and goes downstairs<br />
to look for him.<br />
She finds him sitting at<br />
the kitchen table with a<br />
cup of hot cocoa in<br />
front of him. He appears<br />
to be deep in<br />
thought, just staring at<br />
the wall. She watches<br />
as he wipes away a<br />
tear from his eye.<br />
"What's the matter,<br />
dear?" she whispers as<br />
she steps into the<br />
room. "Why are you<br />
down here at this time<br />
of night!?"<br />
The husband looks up<br />
from his drink, "It's the<br />
20th anniversary of the<br />
day we met."<br />
She can't believe he<br />
has remembered. She<br />
starts to tear up.<br />
The husband continues<br />
solemnly, "Do you remember<br />
20 years ago<br />
when we started dating?<br />
I was 18 and you<br />
were only 15."<br />
Once again, the wife is<br />
touched to tears thinking<br />
that her husband is<br />
so caring and sensitive.<br />
"Yes, I do," she replies.<br />
The husband pauses...<br />
(continued on next page)<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
8<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
If a giraffe had a sore throat, how many lozenges would it need to make it better?
I hate two-faced people. It's so hard to decide which face to slap first.<br />
Spring and Summer dates are filling up fast – Book NOW!<br />
Weddings • Summer Parties • Reunions<br />
BBQ’s • Lobster Feeds<br />
Indoors or Outdoors – We do it all!<br />
No Party too Big or too Small<br />
HUNGRY?<br />
Call Us Today for a Free Quote!<br />
345-9009<br />
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Let Dad do the cookin’!<br />
<strong>June</strong> Special<br />
Only$<br />
5<br />
Small<br />
Cheese Pizza<br />
Call Diana or Larry for<br />
more info and pricing!<br />
FREE<br />
COFFEE FRIDAY!<br />
Free 20 oz. coffee with purchase<br />
of Breakfast Sandwich<br />
every Friday.<br />
(continued from previous page)<br />
the words were not<br />
coming easily.<br />
"Do you remember<br />
when your father<br />
caught us in the back<br />
seat of my car?"<br />
"Yes, I remember," said<br />
the wife, lowering herself<br />
into a chair beside<br />
him.<br />
The husband continued.<br />
"Do you remember<br />
when he shoved<br />
the shotgun in my face<br />
and said, 'Either you<br />
marry my daughter or I<br />
will make sure you<br />
spend the next 20<br />
years in prison?'"<br />
"I remember that too,"<br />
she replied softly...<br />
He sighed as he wiped<br />
another tear away from<br />
his cheek and said, "I<br />
would have gotten out<br />
today."<br />
Summer is<br />
finally here!<br />
Over 200 menu<br />
items to choose<br />
from!<br />
There’s NO PLACE like...<br />
Dad’s Place<br />
23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info<br />
I hate people that complain about being single every 3 minutes. 90% of my socks<br />
are single & you don't see them crying!<br />
We’re guessing most of<br />
you are doing cartwheels<br />
with summer making her<br />
appearance...<br />
Or do you miss winter?<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 9
Out ’n About at the<br />
Touch A Truck Event<br />
with the United Way<br />
I'm not lazy... I'm just on my energy saving mode.<br />
DONATION YOGA<br />
Offering Donation Only Yoga Classes<br />
Class Schedule: www.Yogave.com<br />
Eileen Steck<br />
Central Maine Community<br />
College<br />
Kim St. Pierre<br />
Clover Preschool<br />
FEEL GOOD<br />
Reduce Stress Improve Wellness<br />
Angie Coombs &<br />
Patrice Mathieu<br />
United Way of Androscoggin<br />
County<br />
When do I get<br />
to hold the<br />
microphone and play<br />
Matt Zidle?<br />
Well Heart Yoga<br />
Teacher Training School<br />
Become a Yoga Instructor!<br />
Monthly Training: www.wellheartyoga.com<br />
200 hour YTT Certification; 95 hour CRYS Children’s YTT Certification;<br />
300 hour Advanced Study Certification<br />
Braiden & Elliot Blais<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
10<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn • 170 US Rt 1, Falmouth • Yogave.com<br />
When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency,<br />
I always write, "A very good doctor".
Because Business Should Lead To Abundance<br />
Own your<br />
own business?<br />
Want to make<br />
it better?<br />
Call us.<br />
NEXTLevelBusinessCoaching.biz<br />
207-754-2003<br />
Because Business Should Lead To Abundance
Out ’n About at the<br />
Touch A Truck Event<br />
with the United Way<br />
Some people are so poor, all they have is money.<br />
Caleb Harrington<br />
& Tyler Roy<br />
Irene Marshall &<br />
Elizabeth Perreault<br />
Greater Androscoggin<br />
Humane Society<br />
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.<br />
Telling it like it is...<br />
Completely sunny<br />
with probable rain and<br />
temps from 32º - 82º.<br />
Full report at 6pm.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
12<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.
Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.<br />
Knock Knock<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
ALL ABOUT<br />
Now offering...<br />
Fusion Extensions<br />
A policeman knocked<br />
on my door this morning,<br />
but I just locked it<br />
and sat there in complete<br />
silence.<br />
41 Broad St., Auburn<br />
784-5407<br />
Call for a FREE consultation<br />
with Master extension<br />
artistry of 9 years,<br />
Leah Cross!<br />
Paul Mitchell National Educator<br />
AllAboutUsalonla.com<br />
I eat the broken cookies first because I feel bad for them.<br />
Summer Cookout<br />
Season is HERE!<br />
Let us do the cooking for you!!<br />
Fresh<br />
Lobster<br />
Salad!<br />
Follow Us on Facebook & Instagram<br />
Featuring our FAMOUS<br />
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Includes Lobster, Clams,<br />
Corn & Red Potatoes<br />
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894 Minot Avenue • Auburn<br />
Mon - Fri 10am – 7pm; Sat - Sun 10am – 8pm<br />
777-5871 • www.macsdowneastseafood.com<br />
Mouth-watering<br />
Lobster<br />
Rolls!<br />
Call Ahead for Quick Service<br />
Eat in • Take out • Outdoor seating<br />
The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously.<br />
After 20 seconds he<br />
knocked again, but I<br />
just continued to ignore<br />
it. The knocks got<br />
louder and more frequent<br />
but I was determined<br />
not to move in<br />
the hope that he would<br />
just go away.<br />
Then, he decided to<br />
look through the window.<br />
He shouted, "Do<br />
you think I'm stupid? I<br />
can see you in there,<br />
sir. Open the door!"<br />
I said, "You're not coming<br />
in man!"<br />
He said, "I don't want<br />
to come in, I just want<br />
you to step out of the<br />
car."<br />
Isn't it odd the way<br />
everyone automatically<br />
assumes that the goo<br />
in soap dispensers is<br />
always soap?<br />
I like to fill mine with<br />
mustard, just to teach<br />
people a lesson in<br />
trust.<br />
Husband: Sweetheart,<br />
would you say that I'm<br />
the only man you've<br />
ever loved?<br />
Wife: Of course you<br />
are. Why do all men<br />
ask me the same silly<br />
question?<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 13
Out ’n About at the<br />
Bike Rodeo at<br />
Washburn School<br />
The Annual Spring Fever Bike<br />
Rodeo was held recently where<br />
nine youngsters won a brand<br />
new bike! One of the sponsors<br />
of the event, Community Credit<br />
Union handed out the bicycles.<br />
Auburn branch manager, Janice<br />
Lare got to see all their smiles<br />
first hand.<br />
Take time to relax. Especially when you don't have time for it.<br />
HUGE DISCOUNTS<br />
on Kitchen Cabinets & Flooring<br />
Dillon Adams<br />
1st grade<br />
Just Arrived!<br />
HUGE<br />
SHIPMENT!<br />
NEW<br />
Bound Area<br />
Carpets<br />
Our Gift Cards make<br />
perfect Gifts for Dad!<br />
You’ll Be<br />
Amazed at<br />
How Much<br />
You Can<br />
$AVE!<br />
Lily Frahm<br />
Pre K<br />
Largest Selection of In-Stock Hardwood in L/A<br />
675 Main Street, Lewiston<br />
Mon – Fri 8am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 3pm<br />
ShermArnoldsOutlet.com<br />
782-0831<br />
Destiny Palmer<br />
2nd grade<br />
I had my driver's test the other day. I got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
I didn't know angels could fly so low.<br />
Don’t spend $18 + at the beauty salon, get your...<br />
Mens & Boys CUTS for only<br />
All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.<br />
Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts<br />
Since 1963<br />
Marcel’s Barber<br />
Shop<br />
54 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-3444<br />
OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm<br />
$<br />
12<br />
Out ’n About at the<br />
Bike Rodeo at<br />
Washburn School<br />
Savannah Compare<br />
4th grade<br />
<strong>June</strong><br />
Special<br />
FREE Auto Cleaner<br />
& Starter Package!<br />
with purchase of any above ground pool<br />
2010 Lisbon Rd. Lewiston • 782-1514 • premierpoolsandspas.com<br />
Annabelle Skillin<br />
5th grade<br />
Rollodrome<br />
Since 1954<br />
SUMMER SCHEDULE<br />
Thursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm<br />
Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00<br />
Saturday & Sunday - 1:30 - 4pm<br />
Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm<br />
Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm<br />
Available for private parties<br />
Where<br />
Good Skaters<br />
Meet<br />
12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940<br />
www.rollodrome.com<br />
Isaiah Stufflebeam<br />
6th grade<br />
Laundry Schedule<br />
Sort - Today<br />
Wash - Tomorrow<br />
Fold - Eventually<br />
Iron - Ha Ha Ha<br />
It's ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 15
Dinner with<br />
Lincoln<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
This story takes place<br />
in 1860. Back 150+<br />
years ago, presidential<br />
candidates didn't have<br />
nearly the luxuries current<br />
candidates do.<br />
They didn't stay in five<br />
star hotels or travel by<br />
private jet - they stayed<br />
with normal families on<br />
their campaigns and in<br />
exchange for a place to<br />
stay, would do chores<br />
around the property<br />
before they headed to<br />
a new city.<br />
In 1860 Abraham Lincoln<br />
actually stayed<br />
with my great great<br />
great grandma. She<br />
was a pretty bossy lady<br />
and gave Lincoln a<br />
long list of chores to do<br />
as soon as she met<br />
him.<br />
Finally when he<br />
thought he was done,<br />
my grandma said,<br />
"Last chores, Abraham.<br />
For dinner we're having<br />
stew, corn on the<br />
cob, and apple pie. I'll<br />
work on the stew, but<br />
you're going to be on<br />
the front porch shucking<br />
corn and peeling<br />
apples until there's<br />
nothing left in front of<br />
you."<br />
And with that, she led<br />
him outside where<br />
there were two huge<br />
baskets filled to the<br />
brim with apples and<br />
corn.<br />
Abraham started<br />
peeling and shucking.<br />
(continued on next page)<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
16<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?<br />
To stop the snoring before it starts.<br />
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I can french press like 200 grounds now.<br />
Out ’n About at Whiting Farm with John F. Murphy Homes<br />
I’m proud<br />
of my wife! Still a<br />
teacher, just a new set<br />
of students.<br />
Mike & Kim Finnerty with Darcy Smyth<br />
Like they say...<br />
when the students are<br />
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Anger; the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.<br />
Treat Dad to lunch or dinner<br />
on Father’s Day, Sunday,<br />
<strong>June</strong> 21st.<br />
(continued from previous page)<br />
Periodically my<br />
grandma would check<br />
on him to see how<br />
much he had left to get<br />
an idea of when they'd<br />
eat. Little known fact<br />
about Abraham Lincoln,<br />
but he is very bad<br />
at shucking corn and<br />
peeling apples.<br />
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After checking on him<br />
for what felt like the<br />
tenth time, my<br />
grandma was real frustrated.<br />
She said, "Abraham,<br />
how can you be<br />
expected to lead a<br />
country if you can't<br />
even help with dinner!?"<br />
And Abraham Lincoln<br />
replied, "Relax Mrs.<br />
Lee, I have four cores<br />
and seven ears to go."<br />
Auto-correct has become my worst enema.<br />
Out ’n About at the Not Your Normal Formal<br />
for the Androscoggin Chamber<br />
People who fold their clothes think they're so great.<br />
Here’s the crew from The Love Boat of L/A<br />
Captain Stubing, dressed to the nines, with some<br />
of his CHAMBERmaids<br />
It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course,<br />
there's shipping and handling, too.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 17
Out ’n About at<br />
Whiting Farm<br />
with John F. Murphy<br />
Homes<br />
Sometimes I wish life had subtitles.<br />
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A procrastinator's work is never done.<br />
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Meadowbourne Pantry<br />
Yep,<br />
we’re having a<br />
blast!<br />
Out ’n About at Whiting Farm<br />
John F. Murphy Homes<br />
Chriss Hayden<br />
Bert’s Awesome Stuff<br />
The Edward Little HS Lacrosse team<br />
run the kids table with face painting, bird house building & games<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
18<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Life is too complicated in the morning.
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Out ’n About at<br />
Whiting Farm with<br />
John F. Murphy Homes<br />
Rufus, the real boss at the<br />
farm patrols the grounds for<br />
varmints<br />
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Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.<br />
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Elaine Bourgoin<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 19
Marriage<br />
Secrets<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
A young couple decided<br />
to wed. As the big day<br />
approached, they grew<br />
apprehensive. Each had<br />
a problem they had<br />
never before shared<br />
with anyone, not even<br />
each other. The groomto-be,<br />
overcoming his<br />
fear, decided to ask his<br />
father for advice. "Dad,"<br />
he said, "I am deeply<br />
concerned about the<br />
success of my marriage."<br />
His father replied, "Don't<br />
you love this girl?"<br />
"Oh yes, very much," he<br />
said, "but you see, I<br />
have very smelly feet<br />
and I'm afraid that my fiancee<br />
will be put off by<br />
them."<br />
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years<br />
older already.<br />
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Was that keep<br />
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Out ’n About at the Bike Rodeo at Washburn School<br />
This is the<br />
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Thank you soooo<br />
much!!<br />
"No problem," said dad,<br />
"all you have to do is<br />
wash your feet as often<br />
as possible and always<br />
wear socks, even to<br />
bed."<br />
Well, to him this<br />
seemed a workable<br />
solution.<br />
Sadi Martens follows instructions<br />
from Officer Friendly<br />
Christopher Curtis<br />
3rd grade Bike winner<br />
The bride-to-be, overcoming<br />
her fear, decided<br />
to take her<br />
problem up with her<br />
mom. "Mom," she said,<br />
"When I wake up in the<br />
morning, my breath is<br />
truly awful."<br />
"Honey," her mother<br />
consoled, "everyone<br />
has bad breath in the<br />
morning."<br />
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"No, you don't under-<br />
(continued on next page)<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
20<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
183 Lisbon Street, Lisbon • 353-9862 • www. QCA.me<br />
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.<br />
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Try your chance to<br />
win a FREE game<br />
on the 19th hole!<br />
(continued from previous page)<br />
stand. My morning<br />
breath is so bad, I'm<br />
afraid that my fiancee<br />
will not want to sleep in<br />
the same room with<br />
me."<br />
Her mother said simply,<br />
"Try this. In the morning,<br />
get straight out of bed<br />
and head for the kitchen<br />
to make breakfast.<br />
While the family is busy<br />
eating, move on to the<br />
bathroom and brush<br />
your teeth. The key is,<br />
not to say a word until<br />
you've brushed your<br />
teeth."<br />
"I shouldn't say good<br />
morning or anything?"<br />
the daughter asked.<br />
"Not a word," her<br />
mother affirmed.<br />
"Well, it's certainly worth<br />
a try," she thought.<br />
Try Our<br />
Famous<br />
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The loving couple were<br />
finally married. Not forgetting<br />
the advice each<br />
had received, he with<br />
his perpetual socks and<br />
she with her morning silence,<br />
they managed<br />
quite well. That is, until<br />
about six months later.<br />
Golf Open 10am - 9pm<br />
Restaurant 11am - 9pm<br />
470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn • www.tabersgolf.com<br />
Shortly before dawn<br />
one morning, the husband<br />
wakes with a start<br />
to find that one of his<br />
socks had come off.<br />
Fearful of the consequences,<br />
he frantically<br />
searches the bed. This,<br />
of course, wakes his<br />
bride and without thinking,<br />
she asks, "What on<br />
earth are you doing?"<br />
"Oh, my," he replies,<br />
"you've swallowed my<br />
sock!"<br />
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 21
Cat-Man-Do<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Brenda and Terry are<br />
going out for the<br />
evening. The last thing<br />
they do is put their cat<br />
out.<br />
The taxi arrives, and as<br />
the couple walk out of<br />
the house, the cat<br />
scoots back in.<br />
Statistically 6 out of 7 Dwarfs are not Happy.<br />
We specialize in vehicle<br />
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Here’s another<br />
happy customer!<br />
Terry returns inside to<br />
chase it out. Brenda,<br />
not wanting it known<br />
that the house would<br />
be empty, explains to<br />
the taxi driver, “My husband<br />
is just going upstairs<br />
to say goodbye<br />
to my mother.”<br />
Several minutes later,<br />
an exhausted Terry arrives<br />
and climbs back<br />
into the taxi saying,<br />
“Sorry I took so long,<br />
the stupid idiot was<br />
hiding under the bed<br />
and I had to poke her<br />
with a coat hanger several<br />
times before I<br />
could get her to come<br />
out!”<br />
DOG-GONE<br />
Summer<br />
FUN!<br />
www.eastcoastsigndesign.com<br />
Out ’n About at Tabers Ribbon Cutting Ceremony<br />
Tabers is celebrating their 75th Anniversary. They have totally redone the entire mini-golf course and it’s amazing!<br />
On three<br />
everyone watch the<br />
ribbon get cut. Ready!<br />
1... 2... 3!<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
22<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
My exercise plan is really just reminding myself to stand up every once in a while.<br />
Name Game<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Two elderly ladies had<br />
been friends for many<br />
decades. Over the<br />
years, they had shared<br />
all kinds of activities<br />
and adventures.<br />
Lately, their activities<br />
had been limited to<br />
meeting a few times a<br />
week to play cards.<br />
I probably earn more money than all of your pets combined.<br />
In a recent double blind study, two people couldn't see anything at all.<br />
He said "shake what your mama gave ya" but I can't make all these insecurities jiggle.<br />
One day, they were<br />
playing cards when<br />
one looked at the other<br />
and said, “Now don't<br />
get mad at me. I know<br />
we've been friends for<br />
a long time, but I just<br />
can't think of your<br />
name! I've thought and<br />
thought, but I can't remember<br />
it. Please tell<br />
me what your name is.”<br />
Her friend glared at<br />
her. For at least three<br />
minutes she just stared<br />
and glared at her. Finally<br />
she said, “How<br />
soon do you need to<br />
know?”<br />
Chip Morrison, Mary Ann & Joe Tomlinson, Patti Gagne, Dan, Ellen & Penelope Hargreaves (owners),<br />
Maureen & Richard Hargreaves & Auburn Mayor Jonathan LaBonte<br />
Well...<br />
6 out of 10<br />
ain’t bad.<br />
How do vegetarians justify eating potatoes when they have eyes?<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 23
Out ’n About at<br />
Sabattus Credit<br />
Union’s Member<br />
Appreciation Day<br />
You know<br />
you want one!<br />
For being empty, these calories sure do take up a lot of space.<br />
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Make it Special!<br />
Ted Smith<br />
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stop in<br />
TODAY!<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
24<br />
Kelly<br />
New Team Member<br />
at Sabattus FCU<br />
Three wolves and one<br />
sheep voting on what to<br />
have for supper demonstrates<br />
the downside of<br />
democracy."<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Sarah Jeanne’s<br />
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I used to have functioning brain cells but I traded them in for children.
If it ain’t broke, the children haven’t touched it yet.<br />
Out ’n About at<br />
Sabattus Credit<br />
Union’s Member<br />
Appreciation Day<br />
How many hot dogs<br />
can we have?<br />
www.srcu4u.com<br />
Dave<br />
I’m gonna<br />
be here a while...<br />
I’ll start with two<br />
please!<br />
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Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I walked 9 feet<br />
on shag carpet to change the channel.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 25
Out ’n About at the<br />
Heart of Hope<br />
Fundraiser<br />
I am having Monday feelings toward Tuesday.<br />
Marissa & Tano<br />
Ryder<br />
Our cups<br />
runneth over...<br />
Melissa Clark &<br />
Alison Nelson<br />
Mitch Sperry &<br />
Jennifer Boyd<br />
Q: Why didn't the<br />
lifeguard save the<br />
drowning hippie?<br />
A: He was too far out<br />
man!<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
26<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don't know where I belong.
Can we start the weekend over again? I wasn't ready.<br />
Out ’n About at the<br />
Heart of Hope<br />
Fundraiser<br />
Rolly’s Diner<br />
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!<br />
Breakfast & Lunch<br />
Specials Daily<br />
We highly<br />
recommend Rolly’s for<br />
Breakfast or Lunch!<br />
You won’t be<br />
disappointed!!<br />
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• Unusual Omelettes<br />
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• Extensive Menu<br />
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New Auburn<br />
753-0171<br />
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Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm<br />
Sunday 7 am – noon<br />
Carlene Sperry &<br />
Carol Soucie-Drew<br />
I wish I knew it was my day back in my day.<br />
Michelle Keene,<br />
Amanda Wilson<br />
& Darcy Ames<br />
Jim Hart &<br />
Bonnie Hart<br />
Q: What do you get<br />
when you cross an<br />
elephant with a<br />
kangaroo?<br />
www.BrendaFontaine.com<br />
Have you ever seen a baby horse trying to stand for the first time?<br />
That's me getting out of bed in the morning.<br />
A: Holes all over<br />
Australia.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 27
Talking Mayhem<br />
with Rick Moylan of<br />
Allstate Insurance<br />
I think it’s only a matter of time before smart phones are bigger than smart cars.<br />
Whatever<br />
direction you’re<br />
heading get better<br />
protected from<br />
MAYHEM under the<br />
Allstate<br />
umbrella!<br />
Jay Walker<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A policeman spotted a<br />
jay walker and decided<br />
to mess with him, “Why<br />
are you trying to cross<br />
here when there’s a<br />
zebra crossing only 20<br />
yards away?”<br />
“Well,” replied the jay<br />
walker, “I hope he’s<br />
having better luck than<br />
me.”<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
28<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Imagine a cell phone that's hard wired to your wall and all you can do is talk on it.
You know you're really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.<br />
Raye joins<br />
Great Falls FCU<br />
What if Google doesn't know?<br />
Natalie Raye<br />
Great Falls Federal<br />
Credit Union is pleased to<br />
announce a new member of<br />
their team. Natalie Raye<br />
joined the Credit Union in<br />
April in the Lending Department<br />
and new accounts<br />
member services.<br />
Natalie resides in<br />
Auburn and will be in the<br />
Lewiston Branch located at<br />
34 Bates Street. With years<br />
of banking and more specifically<br />
lending experience<br />
she will be a talented addition<br />
to a great team focused<br />
on providing its members<br />
personal financial service<br />
as well as financial peace<br />
of mind.<br />
Raye realized great careers<br />
in banking at both in<br />
state and out-of-state financial<br />
institutions, but having<br />
grown up in the<br />
Auburn/Lewiston area, she<br />
is very excited to be able to<br />
serve members in her home<br />
town!<br />
Great Falls FCU is a<br />
member-owned, full service<br />
financial institution servicing<br />
the financial needs of people<br />
in Androscoggin County<br />
since 1955. Natalie will also<br />
work with the branch office<br />
located at 760 Minot Avenue<br />
in Auburn. For more<br />
information log onto Greatfallsfcu.com<br />
If you have any questions<br />
about Great Falls products<br />
and services you may contact<br />
Natalie<br />
at 207-782-7192 or stop by<br />
her office at the Great Falls<br />
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Bates St. in Lewiston. Natalie<br />
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Falls Credit Union to service<br />
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13 Cuts - Men & Boys<br />
183 Main Street, Lewiston<br />
754.7707 • LewistonMassage.com<br />
Find<br />
Paul here<br />
All About U Salon<br />
41 Broad St, Auburn<br />
240-3309 or 784-5407<br />
RECONDITIONING $PECIAL<br />
$<br />
10 OFF<br />
EXTERIOR WASH, WAX, BUFF,<br />
INTERIOR VACUUM & WINDOWS<br />
Limit one per customer per visit. (UAD)<br />
✃<br />
Complete Auto Care<br />
147 East Ave, Lewiston<br />
782-1125<br />
BerubesAutoCare.com<br />
Chance<br />
Apprentice Mechanic<br />
A-PLUS AUTO REPAIR<br />
Get your<br />
car fixed at<br />
A-Plus Auto before<br />
I unleash these Karate<br />
chopping hands<br />
on you!<br />
747 Minot Ave, Auburn<br />
(Behind Fastenal Services)<br />
786-0522<br />
• Computer Diagnostics<br />
• Brake Pads & Rotors<br />
• Shocks & Struts<br />
• Oil Changes<br />
• Exhaust Repair<br />
• $50/hr Labor Rate<br />
• Maine State<br />
Inspection Station<br />
No Separating<br />
Required!<br />
GOT TRASH?<br />
1-844-638-7274<br />
Serving: Norway • West Paris • Minot<br />
Mechanic Falls • Oxford &<br />
NOW Lewiston/Auburn!<br />
70 Main St, South Paris • HarrisBrothersRubbish.com<br />
Call us for a<br />
FREE quote!<br />
784-2545<br />
26 Nickerson Ave.<br />
Auburn<br />
Full Service Salon Now Seeking<br />
BOOTH RENTERS<br />
Hey mother in law.... Don't tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.
CALL THE PROS<br />
Standing Still<br />
Photography<br />
Make those moments stand still<br />
Nathaniel Ray,<br />
Photographer/Owner<br />
207-212-4534<br />
StandingStillPhoto.com<br />
Aceto & Sons<br />
Earthwork LLC<br />
$AVE 5%<br />
with this ad<br />
• Driveways<br />
• Patios<br />
• Walkways<br />
• Porches<br />
• Steps<br />
• Poolscapes<br />
Excavation & Landscaping<br />
Dan Aceto<br />
740-6763<br />
daceto@live.com<br />
Fully Insured<br />
Certified in Erosion Control<br />
Summer Time $avings!<br />
Buy Your Boiler/Furnace Now!<br />
Now is the Time to $AVE!<br />
CALL TODAY!<br />
Ray Hurilla Plumbing & Heating Co.<br />
207-485-7357<br />
RayHurillaPlumbingandHeating.com<br />
15 Elm St.<br />
Mechanic Falls<br />
NEW!<br />
Open Friday Nights<br />
for dinner!<br />
Join Us for Father’s Day!<br />
Lunch: Prime Rib<br />
7am-2pm<br />
10% off<br />
when you mention this ad<br />
Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)<br />
LaBonte Financial Services<br />
Tax Consultants & Advisors<br />
• Affordable Monthly<br />
Bookkeeping<br />
• Accounts Receivables/Payables<br />
• Bank Reconciliations<br />
• General Ledgers<br />
Call for FREE<br />
Estimate!<br />
Bert LaBonte, CPA, MBA, MST<br />
155 Center Street, Auburn • 782-9500 • bglcpa@aol.com<br />
Residential &<br />
Commercial<br />
• Asphalt Paving<br />
• Seal Coating<br />
• Hot Rubberized Crack Repair<br />
Fully Insured • Bonded • Family Owned & Operated<br />
345-3529 or 650-7273 • CooperPavingllc.com<br />
Every time I pull up next to a Kia Soul and a hamster is not driving, I'm a little disappointed.
CALL THE PROS<br />
Join us for some Affordable FUN!<br />
$<br />
10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $ 50 - $ 100<br />
Join us for lunch!<br />
Open @ 11am till done Wed, Thurs & Fri<br />
Please Call ahead for take out orders<br />
423-6666<br />
Located at Elizabeth Ann’s, East Ave, Lewiston<br />
Sunday at 6:00PM<br />
Wed., Thurs, & Friday<br />
at 6:30PM<br />
Pleasant Street Bingo Hall<br />
475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394<br />
NOW HIRING!<br />
at<br />
71 East Avenue, Lewiston<br />
Experienced Massage Therapist<br />
& Hair Stylist<br />
Send resumes to info@cassiels.com<br />
Affordable<br />
Oral Health<br />
Care<br />
New Patients Welcome • Cleanings & Evaluations<br />
Saturday and Evening Appointments Available<br />
Self Pay and Insurance Accepted... Save Up To 30%<br />
207-241-0667<br />
www.sassevillehealthysmile.com<br />
Small Jobs, Trees/Stumps<br />
Ditching, Foundations<br />
Drain Pipes<br />
Driveway Grading 416-3611<br />
Blackie’s Farm<br />
Fresh Produce<br />
Open Year Round<br />
966 Minot Ave, Auburn • 786-0005 • 6am - 8pm<br />
or<br />
996 Sabattus St, Lewiston • 786-4356 • 6am - 6:30pm<br />
VOLKSHOP<br />
Parts, Sales, Service & Salvage<br />
Larry Wedge<br />
(Owner)<br />
207-657-2747<br />
volkshop67@yahoo.com<br />
Kevin Washburn<br />
(Service Technician)<br />
119 Sabbath Day Rd<br />
New Gloucester<br />
Book with Julie<br />
Friday & Saturday<br />
Special<br />
(new clients)<br />
241-0205<br />
Paul Mitchell Focus Salon<br />
954 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 241-0205<br />
Men & Kids Cuts $ 12<br />
Basic Pedicure $ 20<br />
Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)<br />
What kind of soup do you bring to a chicken with the flu?
CALL THE PROS<br />
Try our flavor<br />
of the day!<br />
Ruby Rose<br />
Frozen Custard<br />
Ice Cream<br />
is nutrition<br />
for the soul.<br />
1184 Maine St.<br />
Rt. 26 Poland<br />
998-2262<br />
Open Daily<br />
Noon -<br />
Close<br />
Old Orchard Beach FIREWORKS<br />
Every Thursday Night starting <strong>June</strong> 25th<br />
Create Your OOB Adventure<br />
Trueoob.com<br />
DownEast Vapes<br />
1485 Lisbon St.<br />
Lewiston (next to Fast Breaks)<br />
241-0591<br />
DownEastVapes.com<br />
Maine’s Favorite Vaping Outlet<br />
Handcrafted Signature E-juice<br />
E-cigs • Mod’s • RDA’s • Batteries<br />
Vaping Supplies<br />
20% OFF<br />
Bottle of E-Juice<br />
Limit one bottle per customer<br />
✃<br />
with coupon<br />
Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)<br />
Join Us for the 5th Annual<br />
5K TROT for Autism<br />
Benefiting the Margaret Murphy<br />
Center for Children<br />
Saturday, July 25th • 9am<br />
Geiger Elementary School (Reg. opens at 8am)<br />
$20 entry fee (early reg.) $25 day of race<br />
Teams of 4 or more will have names on T-shirts<br />
Sponsorship packages available<br />
FREE Kids Run!<br />
Prizes for top male and female age<br />
division & Top 3 teams<br />
Visit:<br />
www.firstgiving.com/MMCC/5k-trot-for-autism<strong>2015</strong><br />
to register and learn more about this event<br />
I just saved a bunch of money on a gym membership by switching to Twitter.<br />
Irony<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
Friend 1: “Have you<br />
considered the Irony of<br />
spending a ton of<br />
money on a huge TV to<br />
play video games, and<br />
then spending most of<br />
your time playing video<br />
games on a tiny<br />
phone?”<br />
Friend 2: “Well unless<br />
Irony can figure out<br />
how to fit that huge TV<br />
into the bathroom with<br />
me, Irony can shut up!”<br />
Q: What do you call an<br />
elephant that doesn't<br />
matter?<br />
A: An irrelephant<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 33
Out ’n About at<br />
Leadercast for<br />
the Auburn PAL<br />
This Annual one-day leadership<br />
event was broadcast<br />
live from Atlanta to Auburn.<br />
Held at the East Auburn Baptist<br />
Church with a record attendance.<br />
It featured many<br />
great speakers, including<br />
Andy Stanley, Seth Godin &<br />
Rudy Giullani.<br />
I hope other drivers realize I'm going to be on the road soon. I don't want any trouble.<br />
Come SEA us for our...<br />
SUMMER LIVE<br />
MUSIC SERIES<br />
Thursday <strong>June</strong> 11th • 7-10pm<br />
EDS MEDS<br />
Thursday <strong>June</strong> 25th • 7-10pm<br />
The Dapper Gents<br />
NO<br />
Cover<br />
Charge!<br />
Janice Barrett<br />
PAL Vice-President<br />
Celebrate Summer with Us!<br />
& Enter to Win an iPad<br />
Sponsored by Federal Distributors<br />
PAL Board Member Josh<br />
Cousineau & PAL Center<br />
Coordinator TJ Abacha<br />
present the <strong>2015</strong> PAL<br />
“Youth Leader” Awards<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
34<br />
Q: What do you call a<br />
magic dog?<br />
A: A Labracadabrador.<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Japanese Cuisine<br />
Hibachi • Sushi • Japanese Cuisine<br />
Late Night lounge<br />
40 East Ave., Lewiston • 795-6888 • www.sea40me.com<br />
My "I'm enraged!" status update on Facebook garnered a lot of congratulations<br />
from people who don't read well.
RETAIL • WHOLESALE • REDEMPTION • LIQUOR STORE<br />
5 Locations for Your Convenience<br />
ROOPERS<br />
LISBON ST.<br />
Now Selling<br />
Liquor!<br />
ATM’s onsite & Lottery/Megabucks!<br />
Sabattus Street, Lewiston Lisbon Street, Lewiston Main Street, Auburn<br />
New Walk-in<br />
Soda Cooler!<br />
694 Main St.<br />
Lewiston • 782-1482<br />
Minot Ave, Auburn<br />
Beer Specials<br />
Bud/Bud Light 15pk 16oz . . . . . . . . . .$11.99<br />
Bud/Bud Light 8pk Aluminum. . . . . . . .$6.99<br />
Bud Light Rita/Mixx Tail 8 pk . . . . . . . .$9.99<br />
Blue Point 6pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7.99<br />
Shock Top 12pk KAYAK GIVEAWAY .$10.99<br />
Reds Apple 6pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6.99<br />
Magic Hat 12 pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99<br />
Miller Lite 9pk 16oz Aluminum . . . . . . .$7.99<br />
Not Your Father’s Root Beer 6pk . . . . .$9.49<br />
Wine Specials<br />
Vueve Clicquot 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . . .$49.99<br />
Rober Mondavi All Varietals 750ml . . . .$8.99<br />
Simply Naked 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . .2 for $13<br />
Woodbridge 1.5L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11.99<br />
Soda<br />
Minute Maid/Fuze Iced Tea 2L . . 2 for $2.50<br />
Hard Rock Energy BOGO . . . . . . . . . . $1.99<br />
794 Sabattus St.<br />
Lewiston • 783-6353<br />
WHAT’S BREWING<br />
AND ALWAYS NEW<br />
YOUR BETTER BEER PIONEERS<br />
Since 1992<br />
Jack Daniels 1.75L<br />
$39.99 Save $5<br />
Jim Beam PET<br />
1.75L $24.99<br />
Save $7<br />
Crown Royal<br />
750ml $21.99<br />
Save $5<br />
Grey Goose<br />
750ml $24.99<br />
Save $5<br />
Shock Top Kayak Give-a-way!<br />
at all Roopers locations!<br />
1420 Lisbon St.<br />
Lewiston • 333-3095<br />
545 Minot Ave.<br />
Auburn • 783-2047<br />
Captain Morgans<br />
1.75L $24.99<br />
Save $5<br />
Main Street, Lewiston<br />
Barcardi 1.75L<br />
$19.99<br />
Save $6<br />
Hendrick’s Gin<br />
750ml $29.99<br />
Save $5<br />
Tito’s Vodka<br />
1.75L $29.99<br />
Save $5<br />
303-311 Main St.<br />
Auburn • 783-9098
Physical<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A lady came in for a<br />
routine physical at the<br />
Doctor’s office.<br />
“Here,” said the nurse,<br />
handing her a urine<br />
specimen container.<br />
“The bathroom is over<br />
there on your right. The<br />
Doctor will be with you<br />
in a few minutes.”<br />
A few minutes later the<br />
lady came out of the<br />
bathroom with an<br />
empty container and a<br />
relieved look on her<br />
face.<br />
“Thanks!" she said,<br />
"But they had a toilet in<br />
there, so I didn’t need<br />
this after all.”<br />
As far as I'm concerned all sandwiches are heroes.<br />
CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE<br />
Scooter<br />
FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983<br />
I’m SOOOO<br />
Excited Summer is<br />
Finally HERE!<br />
We can do it:<br />
• Wheel alignment<br />
& balancing<br />
• Complete brake<br />
work<br />
• Engine tune-up<br />
• Lube-oil-filter<br />
• State Inspections<br />
60 Minot Ave., Auburn • 782-6666 or 783-2026<br />
OUR TIRES<br />
There's a car parked on my street that just<br />
got married!<br />
My dignity... in the corner pocket.<br />
Out ’n About at the Heart of Hope Fundraiser<br />
Jane, Stacy, Carlene, Darcy & Chrissy<br />
of Republic Jewelry<br />
Derek Campbell, Lindsey Partridge,<br />
Grant Sperry & Chrissy Ames<br />
Janice Langlai &<br />
Michelle Lemieux<br />
These ladies are both<br />
Breast Cancer Survivors!<br />
Michelle Bureau & Family<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
36<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
I haven't exaggerated in 300 years.
Don’t forget<br />
to get your<br />
grilling meats<br />
at Mac’s!<br />
Come Watch<br />
Your Favorite<br />
Baseball Team<br />
We have 11 T.V.’s in our 1,300 sq. ft bar area!<br />
Not a bad seat in the house!<br />
Let Mac’s<br />
Cater Your<br />
Next Event!<br />
COUPON<br />
Every Monday<br />
20% off Burgers<br />
& 30% off all<br />
drafts!<br />
Mark Your Calendar...<br />
Join us August 15th for a HUGE<br />
outdoor bash!<br />
We’re helping <strong>UNCLE</strong> <strong>ANDY’S</strong> <strong>DIGEST</strong><br />
celebrate their 20th Anniversary!!<br />
Live music by the Whiskey Militia<br />
10% OFF<br />
All Grilling Meats<br />
(at Mac’s Retail Meats<br />
UAD<br />
Store) with coupon<br />
✃<br />
Expires 6.30.15<br />
Don’t forget to<br />
treat Dad on<br />
Father’s Day!<br />
Mac’s Grill • 1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • macsgrill.com
GOLF TOURNAMENT<br />
Poland Regional H.S.<br />
Knights Baseball fundraiser<br />
The Poland Regional High<br />
School baseball team hosted<br />
their 10th Annual golf tournament<br />
fundraiser at Fairlawn<br />
Golf Course on May 9th, <strong>2015</strong>.<br />
They would like to thank all<br />
who participated and volunteered<br />
to make it a success!<br />
Our Prime Sponsor:<br />
A HUGE Thank You to all of our Sponsors!<br />
Please patronize these locally owned businesses!!<br />
fuelmaine.com<br />
& Detail Center<br />
782-2425<br />
1103 Main Street, Lewiston<br />
clavetimportauto.com<br />
Residential &<br />
& Commercial Detail Center<br />
207-783-7110<br />
www.gfss.com<br />
& Detail Center<br />
(866) 573-2674<br />
306 Rodman Road, Auburn<br />
providerpower.com<br />
333.3835<br />
49 Lisbon Street, Lewiston<br />
Auburn • Norway • Windham<br />
1-800-605-9263<br />
AustinPA.com<br />
1399 Maine Street,<br />
Poland • 998-3475<br />
Visit us online<br />
for a branch near you:<br />
NortheastBank.com<br />
795-5000<br />
75 Park Street, Lewiston<br />
isaacsonraymond.com<br />
782-6569<br />
32 Riverside Drive, Auburn<br />
Keep Your Car on Track!<br />
Stop in at any one of our convenient locations.<br />
Open 7 days a week!<br />
128 Center St. Auburn • 783-8561<br />
www.vipauto.com<br />
Heating Oil • Kerosene • Propane<br />
Equipment Sales & Service<br />
177 Turner St. Auburn • 783-1481<br />
www.deadriver.com<br />
175 Lewiston Road, Gray<br />
657.6400<br />
pinetreefoodequipment.com<br />
Minot<br />
Country Store<br />
174 Minot Ave., Minot<br />
782-0650<br />
40 Minot Ave, Auburn<br />
1-888-774-1466<br />
agrenappliance.com<br />
Damon<br />
Builders<br />
Custom Home Builders / Renovators<br />
86 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls<br />
345-3241<br />
damonbuilders.com<br />
There’s no place like...<br />
Dad’s<br />
Place<br />
The Best Pizza & Coldest<br />
Beverages in Town!<br />
23 Pleasant St., Mechanic Falls<br />
345-5551 • DadsPlace.info<br />
Central Fire Station<br />
2 College St, Lewiston<br />
Jason Simard<br />
Building & Remodeling<br />
345-9610<br />
946 Center St. Auburn<br />
784-3503<br />
emersonchevy.com<br />
of<br />
Auburn<br />
& Oxford
Does slowly turning into my parents count as exercise?<br />
Soak up the Sunshine at<br />
Heidi’s!<br />
Come enjoy a great meal on our Patio<br />
OPEN on Father’s Day<br />
Sunday, <strong>June</strong> 21st - 10am to 8pm<br />
Heidi’s gift cards make a great<br />
Father’s Day present!<br />
HOURS: Mon-Sat 7am-9pm; Sun 10am-8pm<br />
600 Turner Street, Auburn • 784-3434 • www.heidisauburn.com<br />
I wish I got as excited about anything as my washing machine does about its<br />
final spin cycle.<br />
"Have you dined with<br />
us before?"<br />
"No, but I'm familiar<br />
with the concept of<br />
restaurants so I think<br />
I'll be ok."<br />
Sinful<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
I didn't see you in<br />
church last Sunday,<br />
Perkins. I hear you<br />
were out playing football<br />
instead.<br />
“That's not true, Father.<br />
And I've got the fish to<br />
prove it.”<br />
Dave J. Roy<br />
782-9999<br />
1-877-375-4888<br />
dave@a1gutters.me<br />
www.a1seamlessguttersmaine.com<br />
THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS<br />
1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave, Auburn<br />
784-8587 or (888) 895-6801<br />
AndroscogginOrtho.com<br />
Meet the Noodle King<br />
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.<br />
No I can't tonight, I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 39
Out ’n About at<br />
Leadercast for<br />
the Auburn PAL<br />
These three young leaders<br />
each were <strong>2015</strong> PAL Youth<br />
Leader Award recipients<br />
I put up signs on all the walls in my house that say "Dry Paint."<br />
600 Center St. • Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn • 784-6766 • www.DaysJewelers.com<br />
Since 1914<br />
Watch Battery Special!<br />
All batteries<br />
Only<br />
$<br />
1 .00 Expires 5.31.15<br />
Spring is here!<br />
Limit one<br />
watch battery<br />
per customer<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
40<br />
Liam Flynn<br />
Keisha Vintinner<br />
Hodan Adow<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Selco wins the City of Auburn<br />
Economic Development Achievement Award<br />
Selco was initially founded in 1990 among five partners doing business as Distributors Clearing<br />
House. The business was located at 730 Main Street in Lewiston. The initial concept was to sell<br />
plumbing and heating supplies to both wholesale and retail customers. Jeff Allen started there as<br />
an employee and bought into the company in 1992 as the third partner, when a few of the<br />
original owners left. Four years later, they moved to 1525 Lisbon Street, and changed their name<br />
to Selco Plumbing and Heating Supplies to more clearly define the business and attract additional<br />
customers.<br />
Selco initially occupied only one quarter of the Lisbon Street building, but as their product lines<br />
and customer base grew, so did their footprint. Local plumbers, property owners,<br />
and handymen became regulars. As the years passed, and Jeff’s two<br />
partners retired, he became sole proprietor. Jeff longed for the security and<br />
value of owning a building for his business. “I was always on the lookout for<br />
a commercial property that would fit all our needs: sufficient space, high traffic,<br />
and an accessible loading dock,” explains Jeff. “Nothing ever seemed to<br />
cover it all, unit I looked at the Pontbriand’s facility. The City of Auburn has<br />
been excellent to deal with and very welcoming to me. Being in New Auburn<br />
now expands my capabilities so that they are limited only by my imagination.”<br />
An expanded showroom highlights bathroom fixtures, including new<br />
vanity lines and Delta’s Peerless Faucets. Selco stocks the area’s largest<br />
selection of Pex fittings and other repair parts you can’t find elsewhere –<br />
even at the big box stores. Selco also carries pellet stoves and parts, Rinnai<br />
room heaters, heat pump water heaters, and mini-split heat pumps.<br />
Selco is renowned statewide for having the largest selection of classic<br />
claw-foot tub parts and accessories – popular throughout the Twin Cities and among antiques collectors.<br />
Now in its 25th year of business, Jeff is increasing his product line once again, adding hardware<br />
such as common tools, cleaning supplies, and key-making services, to give the neighborhood back<br />
what Pontbriand’s once offered.<br />
Congratulations to Jeff for this great achievement! Winning the Economic Development<br />
Achievement Award for the city of Auburn is a great honor. Congratulate Jeff yourself, find him at<br />
his new home, at 61 Mill Street in New Auburn. Find him online at www.myselco.com or call<br />
783-6927. See his ad on page 47.<br />
I'm just going to see how long it takes this sketch artist to realize<br />
that I'm describing a hotdog.<br />
Jeff Allen
Every time you don't play the lottery you win a dollar.<br />
The floor is the largest shelf in my house.<br />
New CEO at<br />
Rainbow FCU<br />
The Rainbow Federal Credit<br />
Union Board is pleased to announce<br />
that Mark Paul Samson has been selected<br />
as Chief Executive Officer and<br />
President after an extensive national<br />
search. Mark will be assuming leadership<br />
of the Credit Union following the<br />
very successful 44 year tenure of Mr.<br />
Phil Moreau who will retire in the coming<br />
months. Mark has over 25 years of<br />
Mark Samson<br />
banking experience and joined Rainbow Federal Credit Union in<br />
2012 as Executive Vice President of Lending where he directed a<br />
highly successful period of loan growth, product diversification<br />
and institutional advancement.<br />
Prior to joining Rainbow Federal Credit Union, Mark was the<br />
Senior Vice President/Senior Retail Lending Manager at Mechanics<br />
Saving Bank. Not only was he a member of the senior management<br />
team, he served on several committee including Asset and Liability<br />
Committee (ALCO), Risk Management Committee, Retail Loan<br />
Committee (Chair), Deposit Committee and numerous temporary<br />
committees. Mark managed the retail operations and oversaw<br />
three branch locations. He was responsible for business development,<br />
loan portfolio growth, portfolio risk management, loan pricing,<br />
product development and sales. He managed sales, goals,<br />
training and reporting for retail lending and deposits. He was also<br />
responsible for ensuring that policies and procedures were in compliance<br />
with Federal and State regulation in collaboration with<br />
Compliance and Audit Department. In addition, he successfully<br />
opened and developed branch locations in Windham and Lewiston.<br />
Mark is a graduate of Lesley University and holds a Bachelor’s<br />
of Science in Business Management. Mark is an active participant<br />
in the community and currently serves on the Board of Directors<br />
for Community Concepts and on the Saint Dominic’s Academy Finance<br />
Committee. Mark is a former Maine State Legislator, Maine<br />
State Housing Commissioner, Androscoggin County Budget Committee<br />
member and Auburn Youth Hockey coach.<br />
Mark is a lifelong resident of Lewiston-Auburn and currently resides<br />
in Auburn with his wife Marie and two children: Connor and<br />
Callie. “I look forward to this new position at Rainbow Federal<br />
Credit Union and the many exciting opportunities for the Credit<br />
Union’s Members and the Communities we serve,” said Samson.<br />
Sweet Pea Designs<br />
Wedding Planner & Floral Studio<br />
Help Us Celebrate 11 Years of Beautiful Flowers!<br />
11th Anniversary Special<br />
$10 OFF all phone orders for the month of <strong>June</strong><br />
777-1520<br />
SweetPeaFloralDesignsme.com<br />
Always FREE<br />
Delivery in L/A<br />
Growing up money was tight so mom would always buy us the bargain brand alphabet<br />
soup; the kind without any vowels.<br />
Directional<br />
Overload<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
A man's wife asks him,<br />
“Would you pick up a<br />
loaf of bread at the<br />
store, and if they have<br />
eggs get a dozen?”<br />
He gets home, throws<br />
12 loaves of bread on<br />
the counter, and says,<br />
“They had eggs.”<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 41
Out ’n About at<br />
L-A Harley’s<br />
10th Anniversary<br />
Hold me closer, tiny donuts.<br />
Testimonial for Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
I started advertising in Uncle Andy’s Digest a few months ago<br />
and I am very pleased with the results the ads have created.<br />
The staff in their office has been great to work with.<br />
Specifically working closely with Tim Rucker as my account rep, he has<br />
been very helpful in creating an ad that best suits my business.<br />
I would highly recommend any business owner to include<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest in their marketing budget. They bring BIG impact<br />
with a small budget!<br />
The things<br />
I have to do for<br />
my Dad...<br />
Shelby (GT) Rucker<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
42<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
Ray Hurilla<br />
Ray Hurilla Plumbing & Heating Co.<br />
207-485-7357 • RayHurillaPlumbingandHeating.com<br />
You look really edgy with that barbell nose ring and no job.
My superpower is my ability to lose my phone charger and remotes.<br />
We are a full service salon<br />
JUNE SPECIAL<br />
PEDICURE<br />
$<br />
35<br />
would like to wish congratulations<br />
to all area graduates!<br />
Get your graduate a gift card for any of our professional services.<br />
Ann Kelly Sue<br />
786-4311<br />
14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A<br />
Highland Spring Road, Lewiston • 786-4311<br />
Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm<br />
Fri. 8am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm<br />
Lysa<br />
Kelly D.<br />
Camille<br />
If pizza told me I was beautiful, I'd never leave the house.<br />
(We suggest you get that pizza at Luiggi’s).<br />
Wife: “Our neighbor<br />
Mister Smith kisses his<br />
wife everyday before<br />
he goes to work. How<br />
come you never do?”<br />
Since 1953<br />
Sun – Thurs: 9am-10pm; Fri & Sat: 9am-11pm<br />
LuiggisPizzeria.com<br />
Husband: “Honey, are<br />
you crazy? I don’t even<br />
know the woman!”<br />
SUNDAY<br />
Baked Ziti<br />
$<br />
6.00<br />
MONDAY<br />
The Fergy<br />
sm $<br />
2.50<br />
lg $<br />
5.00<br />
TUESDAY<br />
Meatball Subs<br />
WEDNESDAY<br />
Spaghetti Dinners<br />
1 meatball, salad,<br />
sm $<br />
3.35 w/ch $ 3.99<br />
garlic bread, drink<br />
lg $<br />
6.50 w/ch $ 7.50 $<br />
5.25<br />
THURSDAY<br />
Mini Pizza<br />
1 topping $<br />
2.99<br />
2 toppings $<br />
3.99<br />
FRIDAY<br />
$1.00 OFF<br />
Any Large Pizza<br />
SATURDAY<br />
2 Ham or Salami<br />
Italians<br />
$<br />
7.99<br />
EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $ 5.50<br />
Look, if you're not going to behave like an adult get the heck out of my pillow fort.<br />
Tracy Draper as a baby.<br />
This was her reaction after<br />
tubby time when her mom<br />
told her she would make a<br />
great sales person some<br />
day.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 43
Out ’n About at the<br />
Touch A Truck Event<br />
with the United Way<br />
One more mood swing and I'll have the whole set.<br />
Assisted Home Care II<br />
“Our Family<br />
Assisting Your Family”<br />
Now expanding<br />
our services to the<br />
Midcoast Region!<br />
Assisting Families since 1997.<br />
Joseph & Liam<br />
Barriault<br />
• Registered Home Health Care Service Agency<br />
• Private Duty Care & Staff Relief<br />
• 24 hour Personal Care and Response<br />
• Guarantee Continuity of Caregivers<br />
• Assist with Independent Living at Home<br />
11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org<br />
Rebecca Hawkins<br />
& Kayla Yirrell<br />
Central Maine Community<br />
College Education Club<br />
Considering a NEW Used Vehicle?<br />
Shop around, then go see the guys at Cyr’s. Keeping your current<br />
vehicle in tip top shape might make more financial sense.<br />
Complete mechanical repair and body work done on premise!<br />
Call for a FREE Quote!<br />
Don’t let<br />
the construction<br />
fool you!<br />
WE ARE<br />
OPEN!<br />
845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn • 782-5500<br />
Sue Goddard &<br />
Annette Glasscock<br />
American Red Cross<br />
336 Center St. Auburn<br />
777-1611<br />
JUNE SPECIAL<br />
10% OFF<br />
Full Head of foils<br />
$<br />
5 OFF<br />
Pedicures<br />
Welcome to the<br />
Team Jen!<br />
Jen Darcy Kelley Amanda Christopher<br />
Arielle Buteau,<br />
American Red Cross<br />
I'm Running Late: An Autobiography
If network TV has taught me one thing it's to take three 5 minute breaks every half hour.<br />
Located in the building behind Dad’s Place<br />
Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm<br />
(closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays)<br />
DAD’S PLACE<br />
REDEMPTION<br />
23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551<br />
Bottle Drives<br />
Welcome!<br />
Summer Time!<br />
Get Your returnables<br />
to Dad’s Redemption<br />
Today!<br />
✃<br />
Dad’s Redemption<br />
6¢<br />
on all 5¢ returns<br />
with this coupon.<br />
(must present coupon at<br />
Redemption Center prior to counting)<br />
UAD expires 6.30.15<br />
I was going to go running but then I got all nostalgic for sitting.<br />
NEW AUBURN SOCIAL CLUB<br />
7 SECOND ST. AUBURN • 782-9039<br />
Join Us For Our Beach Party!<br />
Sat. <strong>June</strong> 6 th • 8-12pm<br />
Drink Specials & Tons of Give-a-ways<br />
Sports Banquet/Member Appreciation<br />
Sat. July 11 th<br />
FREE Hotdogs & Hamburgers • $1 can beer<br />
Dunk Tank for Favorite Officers • Band 4-8pm<br />
DJ Inside 8-12pm<br />
* Notice to All Members* - New Key Entry System<br />
Stop in to Get Your New Key Card Today!<br />
M&M’s need better quality control. I found 12 W’s in my last bag.<br />
Out ’n About at the<br />
Touch A Truck Event<br />
with the United Way<br />
Michael Barriault,<br />
Central Distributors,<br />
Maggie Barriault &<br />
Joleen Bedard,<br />
United Way of Androscoggin County<br />
Victoria Stanton<br />
YMCA<br />
Drew Lupardo<br />
YMCA<br />
Kevin Bellefleur<br />
YMCA<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 45
Out ’n About at the<br />
Touch A Truck Event<br />
with the United Way<br />
Why do mirrors look like eyes really close up?<br />
Any Make... Any Model... Any Problem...<br />
NO PROBLEM!<br />
• Appointments required<br />
• Fully warranteed & certified<br />
• $60/hr labor rate<br />
Brad’s Precision Auto<br />
144 Riverside Dr., Auburn<br />
We<br />
love power<br />
tools!<br />
333-0364<br />
Brad’s mechanics: (front) Dan & Mallory<br />
(back) Marek, Eli & John<br />
We’re<br />
Hiring!<br />
Express Employment Professionals (Staffing Agency) is recruiting for:<br />
Crew from City of<br />
Auburn Water & Sewer<br />
in Auburn<br />
& Turner<br />
50¢ increases<br />
every 30 days for<br />
first 90 days*<br />
Your mind needs exercise<br />
just as much as<br />
your body does: that's<br />
why I think of jogging<br />
everyday.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
46<br />
Starting Over<br />
Submitted by Jimbo<br />
The mother of three<br />
notoriously unruly<br />
youngsters was asked<br />
whether or not she'd<br />
have children if she<br />
had to do over again.<br />
"Sure," she replied,<br />
"but not the same<br />
ones."<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
u Management Opportunities u<br />
Call Express for an interview at 207-761-9933<br />
Affordable Dental Excellence!<br />
New Patient Special Includes: Cleaning, Exam, & Xrays $<br />
88 .00<br />
Crown Special!<br />
Only $<br />
895 .00*<br />
*Need to meet requirements<br />
*Effective <strong>June</strong> 1 – August 31, <strong>2015</strong><br />
* Some exclusions Apply<br />
Call Today to Book Your Appointment!<br />
488 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 783-8800 • www.androscoggindentalgroup.com<br />
A Toast – "Here's to bread, because without bread there'd be no toast."
Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.<br />
Office Cleaning Bucket List<br />
Complete Office Cleaning & Home Cleaning<br />
Move-ins • Move-outs • Construction Clean-up<br />
Out ’n About at<br />
LadyPalooza<br />
4 Call Chrissy TODAY!<br />
Locally Owned & Operated • Satisfaction Guaranteed<br />
FREE Estimates • Reasonable Rates<br />
Call Chrissy TODAY!<br />
chrissysdownhomecleaning@gmail.com<br />
CHRISSY’S DOWN HOME CLEANING • 207-754-4266<br />
Sponsor<br />
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise,' I wash my mouth out with chocolate.<br />
Angel Wright<br />
Younique<br />
Daija Lindsay<br />
I never intended for this can of Febreeze to be my cologne.<br />
Come see us<br />
at our NEW<br />
Location!<br />
We’re now at<br />
61 Mill Street in<br />
New Auburn<br />
(in the old Pontbriand<br />
Hardware building)<br />
61 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-6927 or 1-800-834-5706<br />
Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 • MySelco.com<br />
Walk-ins<br />
Welcome<br />
740-6316<br />
$<br />
10 CUTS<br />
184 Turner St. Auburn<br />
(Next to Coastal T-shirts)<br />
hwilliamsbarber.com<br />
Hours: Tue. Wed. Fri. 8-4<br />
Thurs. 8-5 • Sat. 8-12<br />
You can fit 23 potatoes in a kangaroos pouch, and also I’m not allowed<br />
at the zoo anymore.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 47
Out ’n About at<br />
LadyPalooza<br />
I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.<br />
Memarie Christoforo<br />
Barefoot Books<br />
Nicole Gagnon<br />
Scentsy<br />
Rachel Larrivee<br />
Massage Therapy<br />
There's a huge difference<br />
between the<br />
person who sets my<br />
alarm and the person<br />
it wakes up.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
48<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
It takes a big man to admit he's a giant.
Kritzer joins<br />
Perfect Image<br />
Salon & Spa<br />
People date for 2 years & then decide to get married, I'm over here like I still don't know<br />
what flavor of hummus I prefer.<br />
Jennifer Kritzer<br />
Perfect Image Salon<br />
and Spa, located in the<br />
Harvard Mini Mall at 336<br />
Center Street in Auburn<br />
welcomes their newest<br />
team member.<br />
Jennifer Kritzer, is an<br />
enthusiastic Sylist that<br />
has over 10 years experience<br />
in the beauty industry,<br />
as well as holds her<br />
Instructor's license. She<br />
prides herself on her professionalism,<br />
knowledge,<br />
and her ability to listen to<br />
her clients' desires.<br />
Jennifer's skill level is<br />
multi-faceted, she carries<br />
a passion for color and<br />
hair design, as well as<br />
military cuts, nail services,<br />
and body waxing.<br />
Her clients love and appreciate<br />
her talent and<br />
her outgoing personality.<br />
You can book an appointment<br />
with Jennifer<br />
by calling 777-1611. Find<br />
them on Facebook and<br />
see their ad on page 44.<br />
What do you need<br />
when you're<br />
dehydrated?<br />
A thirst aid kit!<br />
Here, let me show you<br />
how to micromanage.<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
50<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong><br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
783-7039<br />
If a turtle was able to take a picture of himself, would that be a shellfie?
Someone should tell scientists they don't need to keeping finding reasons for us to drink<br />
a glass of wine at night.<br />
Just Darn Good Deals<br />
Out ’n About at<br />
LadyPalooza<br />
SAVE $ 7.00<br />
2 Large Pizzas PLUS 2-Liter Soda<br />
Only $ 17 .99<br />
✃Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)<br />
Corner<br />
Variety<br />
Fresh Dough Pizza • Italians • Subs • Daily Specials<br />
207 Lincoln St, Lewiston • 782-9596<br />
Regular Pizza with Drink<br />
ONLY $<br />
5.50<br />
Everyday Special - see ✃<br />
our daily specials page 43<br />
Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)<br />
Luiggi’s Pizzeria<br />
63 Sabattus St, Lewiston • 782-0701<br />
LuiggisPizzeria.com<br />
FREE DESSERT<br />
✃<br />
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 4.30.15 (UAD)<br />
40 East Ave. Lewiston • 795-6888<br />
Sea40me.com<br />
$<br />
5 OFF 2 LARGE<br />
PIZZAS!<br />
2 Large 1-topping pizzas $15.99 (Reg. $20.99)<br />
Limit one per customer per visit.<br />
Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)<br />
✃<br />
Sabattus<br />
Main Street Market<br />
2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502<br />
on all<br />
5¢ returns<br />
✃6 ¢ (must present coupon at<br />
Redemption Center prior to counting)<br />
Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)<br />
DAD’S PLACEREDEMPTION<br />
23 Pleasant St. McFalls • 345-5551<br />
FREE WEEK OF CHILDCARE! *<br />
Plus free registration ($25 value)<br />
*Sign up for 4 consecutive weeks of childcare<br />
Early<br />
Learning<br />
Center<br />
301 Sawyer Rd, Greene • 946-KIDS<br />
✃<br />
and your 5th week is free.<br />
Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)<br />
Tammy Sharma<br />
& Kavita Nason<br />
(LadyPalooza Organizer)<br />
Kim Richards-Jones<br />
Tupperware<br />
Thank you<br />
so much, Kavita,<br />
for your gracious<br />
donation from this<br />
event to the Tree<br />
Street Youth!<br />
Get 10% OFF<br />
Darn Good Deal ad.<br />
ONLY $<br />
5.00<br />
✃<br />
207-783-7039<br />
Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)<br />
Dad’s Place<br />
23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls<br />
345-5551 • DadsPlace.info<br />
✃<br />
Julia Sleeper<br />
Tree Street Youth<br />
Why do we pay to get to the top of tall buildings, then pay to use binoculars to look at<br />
things on the ground?<br />
Uncle Andy’s Digest<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
JUNE <strong>2015</strong> UncleAndys.com 51
If you'd like to learn how to spin like Spider-Man make sure to sign up<br />
for his new webinar.<br />
Before<br />
After<br />
Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pm<br />
Fri. by appointment<br />
Get Dad a<br />
Gift Certificate for<br />
Father’s Day!<br />
Selling Your Vehicle?<br />
A clean car makes for a better<br />
first impression!<br />
Come see us & we’ll help you get MORE<br />
for your vehicle!<br />
Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.<br />
Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit<br />
with results that you will be proud to show off.<br />
Visit us at our state of the art office at:<br />
730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza<br />
783-1351<br />
Same Day Emergency Care<br />
We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider<br />
LIQUID SUNSHINE<br />
CAR WASH & DETAIL<br />
865 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 333-3004<br />
Hours: Mon- Fri 8:30am - 5:00pm • Sat 8:30am - 4:00pm<br />
auburnplazafamilydentistry.com<br />
UncleAndysDigest.com