June 2015 - UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST
The Most Unusual Digest in America
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August 15th
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June 2015
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I dont mean to brag... But I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 12 minutes.
MODERN WOODMEN
OF AMERICA
June 2015
Sunday, June 7th
Flagship Cinema
(Chapter 8609) Auburn
$4 Member; $5.50 Guest
Sunday, June 7th
Sabattus American Legion
Breakfast 7:30 – 10am
Island Road, Sabattus
$5 Member; $6 Guest
Wednesday, June 10th
Center St Café Breakfast 7 – 10am
(Chapter 12907)
Center St. Auburn
$5 Member; $6 Guest
Wednesday, June 10th
Danny’s on the Mall 3:30 - 5:30pm
(Chapter 7938)
Main St Brunswick
Free Member; $2 Guest
Tuesday June 16th
Taber’s 4 – 7pm
(Chapter 12749)
473 Lakeshore Drive, Auburn
$5.50 Member; $6.50 Guest
Wednesday, June 24th
Dairy Joy 3 – 7pm
(Chapter 14437)
Campus Ave, Lew/ Spring St, Auburn
$1 Member
Tuesday, June 30th
Village Pizzeria 11:30 - 1pm
(Chapter 10929)
Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls
$5 Member; $5.50 Guest
PARK TICKETS
Aquaboggan
To be announced
Combo Fun/Splash
$26 member; $27 guest
Funtown $19 member; $20 guest
Santa's Village
$27 member; $28 guest
Splashtown
$18 member; $20 guest
WaterCountry
$28 member; $29 guest
York Animal Kingdom
$10 member; $11 guest
Money can't buy happiness, but it can help you look for it quicker, in a convertible.
TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RE-
TURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWED
Prices, Dates and Menu are subject to
change. If additional info is needed, please
call our office, please do not call restaurants.
All activities can only be attended at
the times listed.
*************************
Tickets need to be purchased at the
Modern Woodmen District Office,
184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all
activities and can only be picked up the
week prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs
9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon
(excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST
is published by the first
Friday of every month by Maine
Mountain Ocean Group, Inc.
with offices at 9 Grove Street,
Auburn, Maine, USA.
It is distributed free throughout
Central Maine and mailed to
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World. Subscriptions are
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Office: 207-783-7039
Fax: 207-777-3898
UAD Super Heroes
SPIDY
TIM
HULK
SMASH
THOMAS
CAPTAIN
JIMBO
I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.
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Mike & Joe
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licensed
denturists
While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to
ensure the accuracy of the information in our
client’s advertisements and our publication in
general, we are not responsible for vendor
availability, typographical errors, technical inaccuracies,
product pricing errors, or omissions.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
4
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
JOIN US EVERY THURSDAY!
Ladies Night • 1/2 priced drinks • Live music outside on our Patio
103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 333-3070 • RailsMaine.com
Tuesday - Thursday 11am - 9pm; Friday & Saturday 11am - 10pm
At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted?
JUNE Line-up:
4th - Derek Cote
11th - Nick Racioppe
18th - Michael Krapoviki
25th - Scott Gagne
Out ’n About at Whiting Farm with John F. Murphy Homes
It sure feels
great to be outside of the
office environment! What
an amazing opening
weekend!!
(l to r): Kim Redmun, Terry Smith, Patty Rose, Sara Kidd,
Devin Goyette, Scott Wilson, Laurie Turton, Owen Voisine & Even Emerson
I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.
Lemon Law
Submitted by Jimbo
A pair of newlyweds on
their honeymoon in
California are riding
bikes through San
Diego County. As they
get further into the ride,
they come upon a
citrus grove.
Taking note of what
they’ve come across
the husband says:
“Honey look! It’s a citrus
grove. Have you
had any experience
picking lemons?”
The wife pauses, looks
at her husband and
says: “Well honey, I’ve
been divorced four
times.”
Pears
Submitted by Thomas Hill
A squirrel is in a pine
tree, when all of a sudden,
it starts shaking.
He looks down, and
sees an elephant
climbing the tree.
"What are you doing?
Why are you climbing
my tree?" the squirrel
calls down to the
elephant.
"I'm coming up there to
eat some pears!" the
elephant responds.
"You fool! This is a pine
tree! There aren't any
pears up here!"
The elephant looks
perplexed for a
moment, and then
says, "Well I brought
my own pears."
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
JUNE 2015 UncleAndys.com 5

Ask us how you c
sponsor of this g
Out ’n About at
Whiting Farm
with John F.
Murphy Homes
Whiting Farm has been
part of its community since
1937. Started by their parents,
brothers Buster and
Elmer had run the farm for
decades, running 13 greenhouses
and farming 60
acres of their land. The farm
closed in the Spring of 2013
after Buster passed away.
In December 2014 the
farm was purchased by John
F. Murphy Homes, a nonprofit
company that offers
services for people with developmental
disabilities. The
farm will now be a place for
all to come and learn.
Elmer is now a volunteer
and is teaching the ropes to
Kim Finnerty, Director of the
Farm. They plan to raise
vegetables and flowers in
two greenhouses and 10
acres. Kim, a teacher at Edward
Little High School, will
leave that position and continue
to teach, but her students
will be of all ages.
“Eventually, the farm will
have a very large educational
aspect,” says Finnerty.
Elmer is now 77-yearsold,
is excited to see things
growing again. He enjoys
the new lease on life the
farm has. “I do a little each
day to help and teach,”
Elmer shares.
A huge team effort by
many of the employees of
JFM and even their children.
They’re off and running and
we look forward to the rebuilding
of this community
icon.
Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
tu
We
W
w
H
A HUGE T
Colby waters the
seedlings
Uncle Andy’s Digest
6
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.

A poster at the zoo: ‘Don't scare the ostriches! The floors are concrete!'
Out ’n About at
Whiting Farm
with John F.
Murphy Homes
Saturday, August 15th OUTSIDE at Mac’s Grill
The Digest
rns 20 this summer!
Come help us
celebrate!!
ve partnered with
Maine
e hope to grant TWO
ishes to local children!
elp us meet that goal!!
TONS OF FUN!
3-6pm
Happy Hour
(Networking & silent auction)
6-10pm
Live music by The Whiskey Militia
Walk around magic by Mark Vaillancourt
Fun with Ginger Snap PhotoBooth
Beer Garden with Federal Distributors
Mac’s Grill will be grillin’!
Roopers will be giving away ten $25 gift cards ($250)!
Make A Wish Maine will be present with a local family!
50/50 • Great Giveaways
Come
Join US!
HANK YOU TO OUR MAJOR SPONSORS!
Peter Kowalski,
JFM Chief Executive Officer
& Kim Finnerty,
Director of the Farm
Rolande &
Normand LeClair
Our Exclusive Beer Partner
an become a
reat event!
Deb Bodwell RMS Mortgage
Androscoggin Dental Group • Bilodeau Electric
It’s the farm
life for me...
Flowers and plants
and vegetables,
oh my!
Jeremy Rush,
DJ for Z105.5
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, the chicken was somewhere between
8' to 11' tall.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
JUNE 2015 UncleAndys.com 7

Anniversary
Recall
Submitted by Jimbo
If you are what you eat, then my dog is a calculator.
A woman awakes in
the middle of the night
to find her husband not
in bed. She puts on her
robe and goes downstairs
to look for him.
She finds him sitting at
the kitchen table with a
cup of hot cocoa in
front of him. He appears
to be deep in
thought, just staring at
the wall. She watches
as he wipes away a
tear from his eye.
"What's the matter,
dear?" she whispers as
she steps into the
room. "Why are you
down here at this time
of night!?"
The husband looks up
from his drink, "It's the
20th anniversary of the
day we met."
She can't believe he
has remembered. She
starts to tear up.
The husband continues
solemnly, "Do you remember
20 years ago
when we started dating?
I was 18 and you
were only 15."
Once again, the wife is
touched to tears thinking
that her husband is
so caring and sensitive.
"Yes, I do," she replies.
The husband pauses...
(continued on next page)
Uncle Andy’s Digest
8
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
If a giraffe had a sore throat, how many lozenges would it need to make it better?

I hate two-faced people. It's so hard to decide which face to slap first.
Spring and Summer dates are filling up fast – Book NOW!
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345-9009
DadsPlace.info
Let Dad do the cookin’!
June Special
Only$
5
Small
Cheese Pizza
Call Diana or Larry for
more info and pricing!
FREE
COFFEE FRIDAY!
Free 20 oz. coffee with purchase
of Breakfast Sandwich
every Friday.
(continued from previous page)
the words were not
coming easily.
"Do you remember
when your father
caught us in the back
seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember," said
the wife, lowering herself
into a chair beside
him.
The husband continued.
"Do you remember
when he shoved
the shotgun in my face
and said, 'Either you
marry my daughter or I
will make sure you
spend the next 20
years in prison?'"
"I remember that too,"
she replied softly...
He sighed as he wiped
another tear away from
his cheek and said, "I
would have gotten out
today."
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I hate people that complain about being single every 3 minutes. 90% of my socks
are single & you don't see them crying!
We’re guessing most of
you are doing cartwheels
with summer making her
appearance...
Or do you miss winter?
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
JUNE 2015 UncleAndys.com 9

Out ’n About at the
Touch A Truck Event
with the United Way
I'm not lazy... I'm just on my energy saving mode.
DONATION YOGA
Offering Donation Only Yoga Classes
Class Schedule: www.Yogave.com
Eileen Steck
Central Maine Community
College
Kim St. Pierre
Clover Preschool
FEEL GOOD
Reduce Stress Improve Wellness
Angie Coombs &
Patrice Mathieu
United Way of Androscoggin
County
When do I get
to hold the
microphone and play
Matt Zidle?
Well Heart Yoga
Teacher Training School
Become a Yoga Instructor!
Monthly Training: www.wellheartyoga.com
200 hour YTT Certification; 95 hour CRYS Children’s YTT Certification;
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Braiden & Elliot Blais
Uncle Andy’s Digest
10
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn • 170 US Rt 1, Falmouth • Yogave.com
When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency,
I always write, "A very good doctor".

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Because Business Should Lead To Abundance

Out ’n About at the
Touch A Truck Event
with the United Way
Some people are so poor, all they have is money.
Caleb Harrington
& Tyler Roy
Irene Marshall &
Elizabeth Perreault
Greater Androscoggin
Humane Society
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
Telling it like it is...
Completely sunny
with probable rain and
temps from 32º - 82º.
Full report at 6pm.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
12
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.

Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
Knock Knock
Submitted by Jimbo
ALL ABOUT
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A policeman knocked
on my door this morning,
but I just locked it
and sat there in complete
silence.
41 Broad St., Auburn
784-5407
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Leah Cross!
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I eat the broken cookies first because I feel bad for them.
Summer Cookout
Season is HERE!
Let us do the cooking for you!!
Fresh
Lobster
Salad!
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Featuring our FAMOUS
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Includes Lobster, Clams,
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894 Minot Avenue • Auburn
Mon - Fri 10am – 7pm; Sat - Sun 10am – 8pm
777-5871 • www.macsdowneastseafood.com
Mouth-watering
Lobster
Rolls!
Call Ahead for Quick Service
Eat in • Take out • Outdoor seating
The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously.
After 20 seconds he
knocked again, but I
just continued to ignore
it. The knocks got
louder and more frequent
but I was determined
not to move in
the hope that he would
just go away.
Then, he decided to
look through the window.
He shouted, "Do
you think I'm stupid? I
can see you in there,
sir. Open the door!"
I said, "You're not coming
in man!"
He said, "I don't want
to come in, I just want
you to step out of the
car."
Isn't it odd the way
everyone automatically
assumes that the goo
in soap dispensers is
always soap?
I like to fill mine with
mustard, just to teach
people a lesson in
trust.
Husband: Sweetheart,
would you say that I'm
the only man you've
ever loved?
Wife: Of course you
are. Why do all men
ask me the same silly
question?
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
JUNE 2015 UncleAndys.com 13

Out ’n About at the
Bike Rodeo at
Washburn School
The Annual Spring Fever Bike
Rodeo was held recently where
nine youngsters won a brand
new bike! One of the sponsors
of the event, Community Credit
Union handed out the bicycles.
Auburn branch manager, Janice
Lare got to see all their smiles
first hand.
Take time to relax. Especially when you don't have time for it.
HUGE DISCOUNTS
on Kitchen Cabinets & Flooring
Dillon Adams
1st grade
Just Arrived!
HUGE
SHIPMENT!
NEW
Bound Area
Carpets
Our Gift Cards make
perfect Gifts for Dad!
You’ll Be
Amazed at
How Much
You Can
$AVE!
Lily Frahm
Pre K
Largest Selection of In-Stock Hardwood in L/A
675 Main Street, Lewiston
Mon – Fri 8am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 3pm
ShermArnoldsOutlet.com
782-0831
Destiny Palmer
2nd grade
I had my driver's test the other day. I got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

I didn't know angels could fly so low.
Don’t spend $18 + at the beauty salon, get your...
Mens & Boys CUTS for only
All day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.
Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts
Since 1963
Marcel’s Barber
Shop
54 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-3444
OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm
$
12
Out ’n About at the
Bike Rodeo at
Washburn School
Savannah Compare
4th grade
June
Special
FREE Auto Cleaner
& Starter Package!
with purchase of any above ground pool
2010 Lisbon Rd. Lewiston • 782-1514 • premierpoolsandspas.com
Annabelle Skillin
5th grade
Rollodrome
Since 1954
SUMMER SCHEDULE
Thursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm
Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00
Saturday & Sunday - 1:30 - 4pm
Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm
Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm
Available for private parties
Where
Good Skaters
Meet
12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940
www.rollodrome.com
Isaiah Stufflebeam
6th grade
Laundry Schedule
Sort - Today
Wash - Tomorrow
Fold - Eventually
Iron - Ha Ha Ha
It's ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
JUNE 2015 UncleAndys.com 15

Dinner with
Lincoln
Submitted by Thomas Hill
This story takes place
in 1860. Back 150+
years ago, presidential
candidates didn't have
nearly the luxuries current
candidates do.
They didn't stay in five
star hotels or travel by
private jet - they stayed
with normal families on
their campaigns and in
exchange for a place to
stay, would do chores
around the property
before they headed to
a new city.
In 1860 Abraham Lincoln
actually stayed
with my great great
great grandma. She
was a pretty bossy lady
and gave Lincoln a
long list of chores to do
as soon as she met
him.
Finally when he
thought he was done,
my grandma said,
"Last chores, Abraham.
For dinner we're having
stew, corn on the
cob, and apple pie. I'll
work on the stew, but
you're going to be on
the front porch shucking
corn and peeling
apples until there's
nothing left in front of
you."
And with that, she led
him outside where
there were two huge
baskets filled to the
brim with apples and
corn.
Abraham started
peeling and shucking.
(continued on next page)
Uncle Andy’s Digest
16
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
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I can french press like 200 grounds now.
Out ’n About at Whiting Farm with John F. Murphy Homes
I’m proud
of my wife! Still a
teacher, just a new set
of students.
Mike & Kim Finnerty with Darcy Smyth
Like they say...
when the students are
ready, the teacher will
appear.

Anger; the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
Treat Dad to lunch or dinner
on Father’s Day, Sunday,
June 21st.
(continued from previous page)
Periodically my
grandma would check
on him to see how
much he had left to get
an idea of when they'd
eat. Little known fact
about Abraham Lincoln,
but he is very bad
at shucking corn and
peeling apples.
Large parties, please call ahead.
165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796
Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com
Try our
Outdoor Patio!
After checking on him
for what felt like the
tenth time, my
grandma was real frustrated.
She said, "Abraham,
how can you be
expected to lead a
country if you can't
even help with dinner!?"
And Abraham Lincoln
replied, "Relax Mrs.
Lee, I have four cores
and seven ears to go."
Auto-correct has become my worst enema.
Out ’n About at the Not Your Normal Formal
for the Androscoggin Chamber
People who fold their clothes think they're so great.
Here’s the crew from The Love Boat of L/A
Captain Stubing, dressed to the nines, with some
of his CHAMBERmaids
It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course,
there's shipping and handling, too.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
JUNE 2015 UncleAndys.com 17

Out ’n About at
Whiting Farm
with John F. Murphy
Homes
Sometimes I wish life had subtitles.
See Us at Our New Location!
Available Here!
$
300 per area • Guaranteed or we repeat for FREE
Liza Dimitri
3 Spicy Boys
I’m dreaming
up my next
seasoning...
When You look your best,
You feel your best!
250 Center St, Auburn • Ste 206 (above Cosmo Prof)
333-3069 yourbestskinofmaine.com
A procrastinator's work is never done.
Brenna & Ken
Donahue
Meadowbourne Pantry
Yep,
we’re having a
blast!
Out ’n About at Whiting Farm
John F. Murphy Homes
Chriss Hayden
Bert’s Awesome Stuff
The Edward Little HS Lacrosse team
run the kids table with face painting, bird house building & games
Uncle Andy’s Digest
18
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
Life is too complicated in the morning.

Everything becomes 100 times louder when you're trying not to wake someone up.
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Mon.
6am-noon
Tues-Fri
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Sat. 7am-1pm
Donut Special Every Friday
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and get the 2nd dozen at half price!
$
11.25 for both
161 Lincoln St. • Lewiston • 784-7042 • LabadiesBakery.com
If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place.
Call Today to Schedule Your Pool Opening
783-0858 • Before It’s too Late!
Out ’n About at
Whiting Farm with
John F. Murphy Homes
Rufus, the real boss at the
farm patrols the grounds for
varmints
www.abcpools.com
207-783-0858 800-244-0858
1975 Lisbon Rd, Lewiston
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
Glad to come
and help support
the cause!
Elaine Bourgoin
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
JUNE 2015 UncleAndys.com 19

Marriage
Secrets
Submitted by Jimbo
A young couple decided
to wed. As the big day
approached, they grew
apprehensive. Each had
a problem they had
never before shared
with anyone, not even
each other. The groomto-be,
overcoming his
fear, decided to ask his
father for advice. "Dad,"
he said, "I am deeply
concerned about the
success of my marriage."
His father replied, "Don't
you love this girl?"
"Oh yes, very much," he
said, "but you see, I
have very smelly feet
and I'm afraid that my fiancee
will be put off by
them."
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years
older already.
JOIN OUR TEAM & BE YOUR OWN BOSS
Brand New Modern Salon • Great Location
Experienced Stylist/Nail Techs Wanted
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(next to Play It Again Sports)
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Was that keep
left after a complete
stop?
HOURS: Tues – Thurs 9am - 7pm;
Fri 9am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 12pm
Out ’n About at the Bike Rodeo at Washburn School
This is the
greatest day of my life!
Thank you soooo
much!!
"No problem," said dad,
"all you have to do is
wash your feet as often
as possible and always
wear socks, even to
bed."
Well, to him this
seemed a workable
solution.
Sadi Martens follows instructions
from Officer Friendly
Christopher Curtis
3rd grade Bike winner
The bride-to-be, overcoming
her fear, decided
to take her
problem up with her
mom. "Mom," she said,
"When I wake up in the
morning, my breath is
truly awful."
"Honey," her mother
consoled, "everyone
has bad breath in the
morning."
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from the Ramada.
Summer
Road Trip?
Schedule a vehicle checkup, so you
can hit the road with peace of mind!
Call us
TODAY!
"No, you don't under-
(continued on next page)
Uncle Andy’s Digest
20
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
183 Lisbon Street, Lisbon • 353-9862 • www. QCA.me
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.

Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
(Have someone drive you to Hair Among Friends).
Celebrating
Stop By & See
Our Brand NEW
Mini Golf Course
with a 15 foot waterfall
overlooking Lake Auburn!
1940 ~ 2015
Years
• Restaurant
• Miniature Golf
• Driving Range
• Ice Cream Stand
Great
Family
Fun!
Try your chance to
win a FREE game
on the 19th hole!
(continued from previous page)
stand. My morning
breath is so bad, I'm
afraid that my fiancee
will not want to sleep in
the same room with
me."
Her mother said simply,
"Try this. In the morning,
get straight out of bed
and head for the kitchen
to make breakfast.
While the family is busy
eating, move on to the
bathroom and brush
your teeth. The key is,
not to say a word until
you've brushed your
teeth."
"I shouldn't say good
morning or anything?"
the daughter asked.
"Not a word," her
mother affirmed.
"Well, it's certainly worth
a try," she thought.
Try Our
Famous
Onion Rings!
The loving couple were
finally married. Not forgetting
the advice each
had received, he with
his perpetual socks and
she with her morning silence,
they managed
quite well. That is, until
about six months later.
Golf Open 10am - 9pm
Restaurant 11am - 9pm
470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn • www.tabersgolf.com
Shortly before dawn
one morning, the husband
wakes with a start
to find that one of his
socks had come off.
Fearful of the consequences,
he frantically
searches the bed. This,
of course, wakes his
bride and without thinking,
she asks, "What on
earth are you doing?"
"Oh, my," he replies,
"you've swallowed my
sock!"
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
JUNE 2015 UncleAndys.com 21

Cat-Man-Do
Submitted by Thomas Hill
Brenda and Terry are
going out for the
evening. The last thing
they do is put their cat
out.
The taxi arrives, and as
the couple walk out of
the house, the cat
scoots back in.
Statistically 6 out of 7 Dwarfs are not Happy.
We specialize in vehicle
wraps and lettering.
Here’s another
happy customer!
Terry returns inside to
chase it out. Brenda,
not wanting it known
that the house would
be empty, explains to
the taxi driver, “My husband
is just going upstairs
to say goodbye
to my mother.”
Several minutes later,
an exhausted Terry arrives
and climbs back
into the taxi saying,
“Sorry I took so long,
the stupid idiot was
hiding under the bed
and I had to poke her
with a coat hanger several
times before I
could get her to come
out!”
DOG-GONE
Summer
FUN!
www.eastcoastsigndesign.com
Out ’n About at Tabers Ribbon Cutting Ceremony
Tabers is celebrating their 75th Anniversary. They have totally redone the entire mini-golf course and it’s amazing!
On three
everyone watch the
ribbon get cut. Ready!
1... 2... 3!
Uncle Andy’s Digest
22
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

My exercise plan is really just reminding myself to stand up every once in a while.
Name Game
Submitted by Thomas Hill
Two elderly ladies had
been friends for many
decades. Over the
years, they had shared
all kinds of activities
and adventures.
Lately, their activities
had been limited to
meeting a few times a
week to play cards.
I probably earn more money than all of your pets combined.
In a recent double blind study, two people couldn't see anything at all.
He said "shake what your mama gave ya" but I can't make all these insecurities jiggle.
One day, they were
playing cards when
one looked at the other
and said, “Now don't
get mad at me. I know
we've been friends for
a long time, but I just
can't think of your
name! I've thought and
thought, but I can't remember
it. Please tell
me what your name is.”
Her friend glared at
her. For at least three
minutes she just stared
and glared at her. Finally
she said, “How
soon do you need to
know?”
Chip Morrison, Mary Ann & Joe Tomlinson, Patti Gagne, Dan, Ellen & Penelope Hargreaves (owners),
Maureen & Richard Hargreaves & Auburn Mayor Jonathan LaBonte
Well...
6 out of 10
ain’t bad.
How do vegetarians justify eating potatoes when they have eyes?
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
JUNE 2015 UncleAndys.com 23

Out ’n About at
Sabattus Credit
Union’s Member
Appreciation Day
You know
you want one!
For being empty, these calories sure do take up a lot of space.
It’s Your Wedding Day
Tuxes or Suits
Wedding Party of 6 - Groom is FREE
Plus a FREE 120 minute Tanning Package
For the
Bride
Up-style
practice session
Up-style
Shellac Manicure
Spa Pedicure
Make-up
FREE
120 minute
Tanning Package
Only $200
Make it Special!
Ted Smith
Master Hot Dog Chef
Call or
stop in
TODAY!
Uncle Andy’s Digest
24
Kelly
New Team Member
at Sabattus FCU
Three wolves and one
sheep voting on what to
have for supper demonstrates
the downside of
democracy."
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
Sarah Jeanne’s
77 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • SarahJeannes.com
795-6778
Upstyles • Hair Services • Hair Extensions • Manicures • Shellac Polish • Pedicures • Massage • Tanning • Tuxedos • And More!
Family Hair Care, Day Spa & Tanning
Suit & Tuxedo Sales & Rental
I used to have functioning brain cells but I traded them in for children.

If it ain’t broke, the children haven’t touched it yet.
Out ’n About at
Sabattus Credit
Union’s Member
Appreciation Day
How many hot dogs
can we have?
www.srcu4u.com
Dave
I’m gonna
be here a while...
I’ll start with two
please!
It's never too late to be what you want to be. Unless you want to be younger,
then you're out of luck.
Try us once, you’ll be a regular!
Daily Specials:
Monday: Ham Italian ...................sm. $1.59 lg. $2.59
Tuesday: 10” 1-topping Pizza ............................$3.99
Wednesday: Chicken Salad ..........................sm. $1.99
........................................................................lg. $3.49
Thursday: Bowl of Chili......................................$3.99
BLT.............................sm. $1.99 lg. $3.49
Friday: Tuna Italian ......................sm. $1.99 lg. $3.49
Saturday: Baked Beans ................qt. $3.59 pt. $2.59
Sunday: .................................$2.00 off any large pizza
$
5 .00 OFF
SABATTUS
MAIN STREET MARKET
2 Main Street, Sabattus
375-8502
Grizz
Dave and Grizz
are here... we need
more hot dogs!
ANY 2 LARGE
PIZZAS
UAD Expires 6.30.15
OPEN 7 Days
6am - 8pm
STAT!!!
Joyce & Michelle
Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I walked 9 feet
on shag carpet to change the channel.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
JUNE 2015 UncleAndys.com 25

Out ’n About at the
Heart of Hope
Fundraiser
I am having Monday feelings toward Tuesday.
Marissa & Tano
Ryder
Our cups
runneth over...
Melissa Clark &
Alison Nelson
Mitch Sperry &
Jennifer Boyd
Q: Why didn't the
lifeguard save the
drowning hippie?
A: He was too far out
man!
Uncle Andy’s Digest
26
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don't know where I belong.

Can we start the weekend over again? I wasn't ready.
Out ’n About at the
Heart of Hope
Fundraiser
Rolly’s Diner
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!
Breakfast & Lunch
Specials Daily
We highly
recommend Rolly’s for
Breakfast or Lunch!
You won’t be
disappointed!!
Deb & Dan Ouellette
• Unusual Omelettes
• Crepes
• Breakfast All Day
• Extensive Menu
87 Mill St.
New Auburn
753-0171
(for take-out)
Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm
Sunday 7 am – noon
Carlene Sperry &
Carol Soucie-Drew
I wish I knew it was my day back in my day.
Michelle Keene,
Amanda Wilson
& Darcy Ames
Jim Hart &
Bonnie Hart
Q: What do you get
when you cross an
elephant with a
kangaroo?
www.BrendaFontaine.com
Have you ever seen a baby horse trying to stand for the first time?
That's me getting out of bed in the morning.
A: Holes all over
Australia.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
JUNE 2015 UncleAndys.com 27

Talking Mayhem
with Rick Moylan of
Allstate Insurance
I think it’s only a matter of time before smart phones are bigger than smart cars.
Whatever
direction you’re
heading get better
protected from
MAYHEM under the
Allstate
umbrella!
Jay Walker
Submitted by Thomas Hill
A policeman spotted a
jay walker and decided
to mess with him, “Why
are you trying to cross
here when there’s a
zebra crossing only 20
yards away?”
“Well,” replied the jay
walker, “I hope he’s
having better luck than
me.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest
28
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
Imagine a cell phone that's hard wired to your wall and all you can do is talk on it.

You know you're really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.
Raye joins
Great Falls FCU
What if Google doesn't know?
Natalie Raye
Great Falls Federal
Credit Union is pleased to
announce a new member of
their team. Natalie Raye
joined the Credit Union in
April in the Lending Department
and new accounts
member services.
Natalie resides in
Auburn and will be in the
Lewiston Branch located at
34 Bates Street. With years
of banking and more specifically
lending experience
she will be a talented addition
to a great team focused
on providing its members
personal financial service
as well as financial peace
of mind.
Raye realized great careers
in banking at both in
state and out-of-state financial
institutions, but having
grown up in the
Auburn/Lewiston area, she
is very excited to be able to
serve members in her home
town!
Great Falls FCU is a
member-owned, full service
financial institution servicing
the financial needs of people
in Androscoggin County
since 1955. Natalie will also
work with the branch office
located at 760 Minot Avenue
in Auburn. For more
information log onto Greatfallsfcu.com
If you have any questions
about Great Falls products
and services you may contact
Natalie
at 207-782-7192 or stop by
her office at the Great Falls
FCU branch located on
Bates St. in Lewiston. Natalie
will work with Great
Falls Credit Union to service
people in Androscoggin
County.

CALL THE PROS
Rachel Larrivee Massage Therapy
Also offering on-site
services for the
workplace & home
PAUL JALBERT
Master Barber
Celebrating 60 Years!
Now offering Retirement Prices:
$
13 Cuts - Men & Boys
183 Main Street, Lewiston
754.7707 • LewistonMassage.com
Find
Paul here
All About U Salon
41 Broad St, Auburn
240-3309 or 784-5407
RECONDITIONING $PECIAL
$
10 OFF
EXTERIOR WASH, WAX, BUFF,
INTERIOR VACUUM & WINDOWS
Limit one per customer per visit. (UAD)
✃
Complete Auto Care
147 East Ave, Lewiston
782-1125
BerubesAutoCare.com
Chance
Apprentice Mechanic
A-PLUS AUTO REPAIR
Get your
car fixed at
A-Plus Auto before
I unleash these Karate
chopping hands
on you!
747 Minot Ave, Auburn
(Behind Fastenal Services)
786-0522
• Computer Diagnostics
• Brake Pads & Rotors
• Shocks & Struts
• Oil Changes
• Exhaust Repair
• $50/hr Labor Rate
• Maine State
Inspection Station
No Separating
Required!
GOT TRASH?
1-844-638-7274
Serving: Norway • West Paris • Minot
Mechanic Falls • Oxford &
NOW Lewiston/Auburn!
70 Main St, South Paris • HarrisBrothersRubbish.com
Call us for a
FREE quote!
784-2545
26 Nickerson Ave.
Auburn
Full Service Salon Now Seeking
BOOTH RENTERS
Hey mother in law.... Don't tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.

CALL THE PROS
Standing Still
Photography
Make those moments stand still
Nathaniel Ray,
Photographer/Owner
207-212-4534
StandingStillPhoto.com
Aceto & Sons
Earthwork LLC
$AVE 5%
with this ad
• Driveways
• Patios
• Walkways
• Porches
• Steps
• Poolscapes
Excavation & Landscaping
Dan Aceto
740-6763
daceto@live.com
Fully Insured
Certified in Erosion Control
Summer Time $avings!
Buy Your Boiler/Furnace Now!
Now is the Time to $AVE!
CALL TODAY!
Ray Hurilla Plumbing & Heating Co.
207-485-7357
RayHurillaPlumbingandHeating.com
15 Elm St.
Mechanic Falls
NEW!
Open Friday Nights
for dinner!
Join Us for Father’s Day!
Lunch: Prime Rib
7am-2pm
10% off
when you mention this ad
Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)
LaBonte Financial Services
Tax Consultants & Advisors
• Affordable Monthly
Bookkeeping
• Accounts Receivables/Payables
• Bank Reconciliations
• General Ledgers
Call for FREE
Estimate!
Bert LaBonte, CPA, MBA, MST
155 Center Street, Auburn • 782-9500 • bglcpa@aol.com
Residential &
Commercial
• Asphalt Paving
• Seal Coating
• Hot Rubberized Crack Repair
Fully Insured • Bonded • Family Owned & Operated
345-3529 or 650-7273 • CooperPavingllc.com
Every time I pull up next to a Kia Soul and a hamster is not driving, I'm a little disappointed.

CALL THE PROS
Join us for some Affordable FUN!
$
10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $ 50 - $ 100
Join us for lunch!
Open @ 11am till done Wed, Thurs & Fri
Please Call ahead for take out orders
423-6666
Located at Elizabeth Ann’s, East Ave, Lewiston
Sunday at 6:00PM
Wed., Thurs, & Friday
at 6:30PM
Pleasant Street Bingo Hall
475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394
NOW HIRING!
at
71 East Avenue, Lewiston
Experienced Massage Therapist
& Hair Stylist
Send resumes to info@cassiels.com
Affordable
Oral Health
Care
New Patients Welcome • Cleanings & Evaluations
Saturday and Evening Appointments Available
Self Pay and Insurance Accepted... Save Up To 30%
207-241-0667
www.sassevillehealthysmile.com
Small Jobs, Trees/Stumps
Ditching, Foundations
Drain Pipes
Driveway Grading 416-3611
Blackie’s Farm
Fresh Produce
Open Year Round
966 Minot Ave, Auburn • 786-0005 • 6am - 8pm
or
996 Sabattus St, Lewiston • 786-4356 • 6am - 6:30pm
VOLKSHOP
Parts, Sales, Service & Salvage
Larry Wedge
(Owner)
207-657-2747
volkshop67@yahoo.com
Kevin Washburn
(Service Technician)
119 Sabbath Day Rd
New Gloucester
Book with Julie
Friday & Saturday
Special
(new clients)
241-0205
Paul Mitchell Focus Salon
954 Lisbon St., Lewiston • 241-0205
Men & Kids Cuts $ 12
Basic Pedicure $ 20
Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)
What kind of soup do you bring to a chicken with the flu?

CALL THE PROS
Try our flavor
of the day!
Ruby Rose
Frozen Custard
Ice Cream
is nutrition
for the soul.
1184 Maine St.
Rt. 26 Poland
998-2262
Open Daily
Noon -
Close
Old Orchard Beach FIREWORKS
Every Thursday Night starting June 25th
Create Your OOB Adventure
Trueoob.com
DownEast Vapes
1485 Lisbon St.
Lewiston (next to Fast Breaks)
241-0591
DownEastVapes.com
Maine’s Favorite Vaping Outlet
Handcrafted Signature E-juice
E-cigs • Mod’s • RDA’s • Batteries
Vaping Supplies
20% OFF
Bottle of E-Juice
Limit one bottle per customer
✃
with coupon
Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)
Join Us for the 5th Annual
5K TROT for Autism
Benefiting the Margaret Murphy
Center for Children
Saturday, July 25th • 9am
Geiger Elementary School (Reg. opens at 8am)
$20 entry fee (early reg.) $25 day of race
Teams of 4 or more will have names on T-shirts
Sponsorship packages available
FREE Kids Run!
Prizes for top male and female age
division & Top 3 teams
Visit:
www.firstgiving.com/MMCC/5k-trot-for-autism2015
to register and learn more about this event
I just saved a bunch of money on a gym membership by switching to Twitter.
Irony
Submitted by Thomas Hill
Friend 1: “Have you
considered the Irony of
spending a ton of
money on a huge TV to
play video games, and
then spending most of
your time playing video
games on a tiny
phone?”
Friend 2: “Well unless
Irony can figure out
how to fit that huge TV
into the bathroom with
me, Irony can shut up!”
Q: What do you call an
elephant that doesn't
matter?
A: An irrelephant
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
JUNE 2015 UncleAndys.com 33

Out ’n About at
Leadercast for
the Auburn PAL
This Annual one-day leadership
event was broadcast
live from Atlanta to Auburn.
Held at the East Auburn Baptist
Church with a record attendance.
It featured many
great speakers, including
Andy Stanley, Seth Godin &
Rudy Giullani.
I hope other drivers realize I'm going to be on the road soon. I don't want any trouble.
Come SEA us for our...
SUMMER LIVE
MUSIC SERIES
Thursday June 11th • 7-10pm
EDS MEDS
Thursday June 25th • 7-10pm
The Dapper Gents
NO
Cover
Charge!
Janice Barrett
PAL Vice-President
Celebrate Summer with Us!
& Enter to Win an iPad
Sponsored by Federal Distributors
PAL Board Member Josh
Cousineau & PAL Center
Coordinator TJ Abacha
present the 2015 PAL
“Youth Leader” Awards
Uncle Andy’s Digest
34
Q: What do you call a
magic dog?
A: A Labracadabrador.
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
Japanese Cuisine
Hibachi • Sushi • Japanese Cuisine
Late Night lounge
40 East Ave., Lewiston • 795-6888 • www.sea40me.com
My "I'm enraged!" status update on Facebook garnered a lot of congratulations
from people who don't read well.

RETAIL • WHOLESALE • REDEMPTION • LIQUOR STORE
5 Locations for Your Convenience
ROOPERS
LISBON ST.
Now Selling
Liquor!
ATM’s onsite & Lottery/Megabucks!
Sabattus Street, Lewiston Lisbon Street, Lewiston Main Street, Auburn
New Walk-in
Soda Cooler!
694 Main St.
Lewiston • 782-1482
Minot Ave, Auburn
Beer Specials
Bud/Bud Light 15pk 16oz . . . . . . . . . .$11.99
Bud/Bud Light 8pk Aluminum. . . . . . . .$6.99
Bud Light Rita/Mixx Tail 8 pk . . . . . . . .$9.99
Blue Point 6pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7.99
Shock Top 12pk KAYAK GIVEAWAY .$10.99
Reds Apple 6pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6.99
Magic Hat 12 pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99
Miller Lite 9pk 16oz Aluminum . . . . . . .$7.99
Not Your Father’s Root Beer 6pk . . . . .$9.49
Wine Specials
Vueve Clicquot 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . . .$49.99
Rober Mondavi All Varietals 750ml . . . .$8.99
Simply Naked 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . .2 for $13
Woodbridge 1.5L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11.99
Soda
Minute Maid/Fuze Iced Tea 2L . . 2 for $2.50
Hard Rock Energy BOGO . . . . . . . . . . $1.99
794 Sabattus St.
Lewiston • 783-6353
WHAT’S BREWING
AND ALWAYS NEW
YOUR BETTER BEER PIONEERS
Since 1992
Jack Daniels 1.75L
$39.99 Save $5
Jim Beam PET
1.75L $24.99
Save $7
Crown Royal
750ml $21.99
Save $5
Grey Goose
750ml $24.99
Save $5
Shock Top Kayak Give-a-way!
at all Roopers locations!
1420 Lisbon St.
Lewiston • 333-3095
545 Minot Ave.
Auburn • 783-2047
Captain Morgans
1.75L $24.99
Save $5
Main Street, Lewiston
Barcardi 1.75L
$19.99
Save $6
Hendrick’s Gin
750ml $29.99
Save $5
Tito’s Vodka
1.75L $29.99
Save $5
303-311 Main St.
Auburn • 783-9098

Physical
Submitted by Thomas Hill
A lady came in for a
routine physical at the
Doctor’s office.
“Here,” said the nurse,
handing her a urine
specimen container.
“The bathroom is over
there on your right. The
Doctor will be with you
in a few minutes.”
A few minutes later the
lady came out of the
bathroom with an
empty container and a
relieved look on her
face.
“Thanks!" she said,
"But they had a toilet in
there, so I didn’t need
this after all.”
As far as I'm concerned all sandwiches are heroes.
CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE
Scooter
FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983
I’m SOOOO
Excited Summer is
Finally HERE!
We can do it:
• Wheel alignment
& balancing
• Complete brake
work
• Engine tune-up
• Lube-oil-filter
• State Inspections
60 Minot Ave., Auburn • 782-6666 or 783-2026
OUR TIRES
There's a car parked on my street that just
got married!
My dignity... in the corner pocket.
Out ’n About at the Heart of Hope Fundraiser
Jane, Stacy, Carlene, Darcy & Chrissy
of Republic Jewelry
Derek Campbell, Lindsey Partridge,
Grant Sperry & Chrissy Ames
Janice Langlai &
Michelle Lemieux
These ladies are both
Breast Cancer Survivors!
Michelle Bureau & Family
Uncle Andy’s Digest
36
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
I haven't exaggerated in 300 years.

Don’t forget
to get your
grilling meats
at Mac’s!
Come Watch
Your Favorite
Baseball Team
We have 11 T.V.’s in our 1,300 sq. ft bar area!
Not a bad seat in the house!
Let Mac’s
Cater Your
Next Event!
COUPON
Every Monday
20% off Burgers
& 30% off all
drafts!
Mark Your Calendar...
Join us August 15th for a HUGE
outdoor bash!
We’re helping UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST
celebrate their 20th Anniversary!!
Live music by the Whiskey Militia
10% OFF
All Grilling Meats
(at Mac’s Retail Meats
UAD
Store) with coupon
✃
Expires 6.30.15
Don’t forget to
treat Dad on
Father’s Day!
Mac’s Grill • 1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • macsgrill.com

GOLF TOURNAMENT
Poland Regional H.S.
Knights Baseball fundraiser
The Poland Regional High
School baseball team hosted
their 10th Annual golf tournament
fundraiser at Fairlawn
Golf Course on May 9th, 2015.
They would like to thank all
who participated and volunteered
to make it a success!
Our Prime Sponsor:
A HUGE Thank You to all of our Sponsors!
Please patronize these locally owned businesses!!
fuelmaine.com
& Detail Center
782-2425
1103 Main Street, Lewiston
clavetimportauto.com
Residential &
& Commercial Detail Center
207-783-7110
www.gfss.com
& Detail Center
(866) 573-2674
306 Rodman Road, Auburn
providerpower.com
333.3835
49 Lisbon Street, Lewiston
Auburn • Norway • Windham
1-800-605-9263
AustinPA.com
1399 Maine Street,
Poland • 998-3475
Visit us online
for a branch near you:
NortheastBank.com
795-5000
75 Park Street, Lewiston
isaacsonraymond.com
782-6569
32 Riverside Drive, Auburn
Keep Your Car on Track!
Stop in at any one of our convenient locations.
Open 7 days a week!
128 Center St. Auburn • 783-8561
www.vipauto.com
Heating Oil • Kerosene • Propane
Equipment Sales & Service
177 Turner St. Auburn • 783-1481
www.deadriver.com
175 Lewiston Road, Gray
657.6400
pinetreefoodequipment.com
Minot
Country Store
174 Minot Ave., Minot
782-0650
40 Minot Ave, Auburn
1-888-774-1466
agrenappliance.com
Damon
Builders
Custom Home Builders / Renovators
86 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls
345-3241
damonbuilders.com
There’s no place like...
Dad’s
Place
The Best Pizza & Coldest
Beverages in Town!
23 Pleasant St., Mechanic Falls
345-5551 • DadsPlace.info
Central Fire Station
2 College St, Lewiston
Jason Simard
Building & Remodeling
345-9610
946 Center St. Auburn
784-3503
emersonchevy.com
of
Auburn
& Oxford

Does slowly turning into my parents count as exercise?
Soak up the Sunshine at
Heidi’s!
Come enjoy a great meal on our Patio
OPEN on Father’s Day
Sunday, June 21st - 10am to 8pm
Heidi’s gift cards make a great
Father’s Day present!
HOURS: Mon-Sat 7am-9pm; Sun 10am-8pm
600 Turner Street, Auburn • 784-3434 • www.heidisauburn.com
I wish I got as excited about anything as my washing machine does about its
final spin cycle.
"Have you dined with
us before?"
"No, but I'm familiar
with the concept of
restaurants so I think
I'll be ok."
Sinful
Submitted by Jimbo
I didn't see you in
church last Sunday,
Perkins. I hear you
were out playing football
instead.
“That's not true, Father.
And I've got the fish to
prove it.”
Dave J. Roy
782-9999
1-877-375-4888
dave@a1gutters.me
www.a1seamlessguttersmaine.com
THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS
1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave, Auburn
784-8587 or (888) 895-6801
AndroscogginOrtho.com
Meet the Noodle King
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
No I can't tonight, I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
JUNE 2015 UncleAndys.com 39

Out ’n About at
Leadercast for
the Auburn PAL
These three young leaders
each were 2015 PAL Youth
Leader Award recipients
I put up signs on all the walls in my house that say "Dry Paint."
600 Center St. • Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn • 784-6766 • www.DaysJewelers.com
Since 1914
Watch Battery Special!
All batteries
Only
$
1 .00 Expires 5.31.15
Spring is here!
Limit one
watch battery
per customer
Uncle Andy’s Digest
40
Liam Flynn
Keisha Vintinner
Hodan Adow
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
Selco wins the City of Auburn
Economic Development Achievement Award
Selco was initially founded in 1990 among five partners doing business as Distributors Clearing
House. The business was located at 730 Main Street in Lewiston. The initial concept was to sell
plumbing and heating supplies to both wholesale and retail customers. Jeff Allen started there as
an employee and bought into the company in 1992 as the third partner, when a few of the
original owners left. Four years later, they moved to 1525 Lisbon Street, and changed their name
to Selco Plumbing and Heating Supplies to more clearly define the business and attract additional
customers.
Selco initially occupied only one quarter of the Lisbon Street building, but as their product lines
and customer base grew, so did their footprint. Local plumbers, property owners,
and handymen became regulars. As the years passed, and Jeff’s two
partners retired, he became sole proprietor. Jeff longed for the security and
value of owning a building for his business. “I was always on the lookout for
a commercial property that would fit all our needs: sufficient space, high traffic,
and an accessible loading dock,” explains Jeff. “Nothing ever seemed to
cover it all, unit I looked at the Pontbriand’s facility. The City of Auburn has
been excellent to deal with and very welcoming to me. Being in New Auburn
now expands my capabilities so that they are limited only by my imagination.”
An expanded showroom highlights bathroom fixtures, including new
vanity lines and Delta’s Peerless Faucets. Selco stocks the area’s largest
selection of Pex fittings and other repair parts you can’t find elsewhere –
even at the big box stores. Selco also carries pellet stoves and parts, Rinnai
room heaters, heat pump water heaters, and mini-split heat pumps.
Selco is renowned statewide for having the largest selection of classic
claw-foot tub parts and accessories – popular throughout the Twin Cities and among antiques collectors.
Now in its 25th year of business, Jeff is increasing his product line once again, adding hardware
such as common tools, cleaning supplies, and key-making services, to give the neighborhood back
what Pontbriand’s once offered.
Congratulations to Jeff for this great achievement! Winning the Economic Development
Achievement Award for the city of Auburn is a great honor. Congratulate Jeff yourself, find him at
his new home, at 61 Mill Street in New Auburn. Find him online at www.myselco.com or call
783-6927. See his ad on page 47.
I'm just going to see how long it takes this sketch artist to realize
that I'm describing a hotdog.
Jeff Allen

Every time you don't play the lottery you win a dollar.
The floor is the largest shelf in my house.
New CEO at
Rainbow FCU
The Rainbow Federal Credit
Union Board is pleased to announce
that Mark Paul Samson has been selected
as Chief Executive Officer and
President after an extensive national
search. Mark will be assuming leadership
of the Credit Union following the
very successful 44 year tenure of Mr.
Phil Moreau who will retire in the coming
months. Mark has over 25 years of
Mark Samson
banking experience and joined Rainbow Federal Credit Union in
2012 as Executive Vice President of Lending where he directed a
highly successful period of loan growth, product diversification
and institutional advancement.
Prior to joining Rainbow Federal Credit Union, Mark was the
Senior Vice President/Senior Retail Lending Manager at Mechanics
Saving Bank. Not only was he a member of the senior management
team, he served on several committee including Asset and Liability
Committee (ALCO), Risk Management Committee, Retail Loan
Committee (Chair), Deposit Committee and numerous temporary
committees. Mark managed the retail operations and oversaw
three branch locations. He was responsible for business development,
loan portfolio growth, portfolio risk management, loan pricing,
product development and sales. He managed sales, goals,
training and reporting for retail lending and deposits. He was also
responsible for ensuring that policies and procedures were in compliance
with Federal and State regulation in collaboration with
Compliance and Audit Department. In addition, he successfully
opened and developed branch locations in Windham and Lewiston.
Mark is a graduate of Lesley University and holds a Bachelor’s
of Science in Business Management. Mark is an active participant
in the community and currently serves on the Board of Directors
for Community Concepts and on the Saint Dominic’s Academy Finance
Committee. Mark is a former Maine State Legislator, Maine
State Housing Commissioner, Androscoggin County Budget Committee
member and Auburn Youth Hockey coach.
Mark is a lifelong resident of Lewiston-Auburn and currently resides
in Auburn with his wife Marie and two children: Connor and
Callie. “I look forward to this new position at Rainbow Federal
Credit Union and the many exciting opportunities for the Credit
Union’s Members and the Communities we serve,” said Samson.
Sweet Pea Designs
Wedding Planner & Floral Studio
Help Us Celebrate 11 Years of Beautiful Flowers!
11th Anniversary Special
$10 OFF all phone orders for the month of June
777-1520
SweetPeaFloralDesignsme.com
Always FREE
Delivery in L/A
Growing up money was tight so mom would always buy us the bargain brand alphabet
soup; the kind without any vowels.
Directional
Overload
Submitted by Jimbo
A man's wife asks him,
“Would you pick up a
loaf of bread at the
store, and if they have
eggs get a dozen?”
He gets home, throws
12 loaves of bread on
the counter, and says,
“They had eggs.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
JUNE 2015 UncleAndys.com 41

Out ’n About at
L-A Harley’s
10th Anniversary
Hold me closer, tiny donuts.
Testimonial for Uncle Andy’s Digest
I started advertising in Uncle Andy’s Digest a few months ago
and I am very pleased with the results the ads have created.
The staff in their office has been great to work with.
Specifically working closely with Tim Rucker as my account rep, he has
been very helpful in creating an ad that best suits my business.
I would highly recommend any business owner to include
Uncle Andy’s Digest in their marketing budget. They bring BIG impact
with a small budget!
The things
I have to do for
my Dad...
Shelby (GT) Rucker
Uncle Andy’s Digest
42
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
Ray Hurilla
Ray Hurilla Plumbing & Heating Co.
207-485-7357 • RayHurillaPlumbingandHeating.com
You look really edgy with that barbell nose ring and no job.

My superpower is my ability to lose my phone charger and remotes.
We are a full service salon
JUNE SPECIAL
PEDICURE
$
35
would like to wish congratulations
to all area graduates!
Get your graduate a gift card for any of our professional services.
Ann Kelly Sue
786-4311
14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A
Highland Spring Road, Lewiston • 786-4311
Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm
Fri. 8am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm
Lysa
Kelly D.
Camille
If pizza told me I was beautiful, I'd never leave the house.
(We suggest you get that pizza at Luiggi’s).
Wife: “Our neighbor
Mister Smith kisses his
wife everyday before
he goes to work. How
come you never do?”
Since 1953
Sun – Thurs: 9am-10pm; Fri & Sat: 9am-11pm
LuiggisPizzeria.com
Husband: “Honey, are
you crazy? I don’t even
know the woman!”
SUNDAY
Baked Ziti
$
6.00
MONDAY
The Fergy
sm $
2.50
lg $
5.00
TUESDAY
Meatball Subs
WEDNESDAY
Spaghetti Dinners
1 meatball, salad,
sm $
3.35 w/ch $ 3.99
garlic bread, drink
lg $
6.50 w/ch $ 7.50 $
5.25
THURSDAY
Mini Pizza
1 topping $
2.99
2 toppings $
3.99
FRIDAY
$1.00 OFF
Any Large Pizza
SATURDAY
2 Ham or Salami
Italians
$
7.99
EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $ 5.50
Look, if you're not going to behave like an adult get the heck out of my pillow fort.
Tracy Draper as a baby.
This was her reaction after
tubby time when her mom
told her she would make a
great sales person some
day.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
JUNE 2015 UncleAndys.com 43

Out ’n About at the
Touch A Truck Event
with the United Way
One more mood swing and I'll have the whole set.
Assisted Home Care II
“Our Family
Assisting Your Family”
Now expanding
our services to the
Midcoast Region!
Assisting Families since 1997.
Joseph & Liam
Barriault
• Registered Home Health Care Service Agency
• Private Duty Care & Staff Relief
• 24 hour Personal Care and Response
• Guarantee Continuity of Caregivers
• Assist with Independent Living at Home
11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org
Rebecca Hawkins
& Kayla Yirrell
Central Maine Community
College Education Club
Considering a NEW Used Vehicle?
Shop around, then go see the guys at Cyr’s. Keeping your current
vehicle in tip top shape might make more financial sense.
Complete mechanical repair and body work done on premise!
Call for a FREE Quote!
Don’t let
the construction
fool you!
WE ARE
OPEN!
845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn • 782-5500
Sue Goddard &
Annette Glasscock
American Red Cross
336 Center St. Auburn
777-1611
JUNE SPECIAL
10% OFF
Full Head of foils
$
5 OFF
Pedicures
Welcome to the
Team Jen!
Jen Darcy Kelley Amanda Christopher
Arielle Buteau,
American Red Cross
I'm Running Late: An Autobiography

If network TV has taught me one thing it's to take three 5 minute breaks every half hour.
Located in the building behind Dad’s Place
Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm
(closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays)
DAD’S PLACE
REDEMPTION
23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551
Bottle Drives
Welcome!
Summer Time!
Get Your returnables
to Dad’s Redemption
Today!
✃
Dad’s Redemption
6¢
on all 5¢ returns
with this coupon.
(must present coupon at
Redemption Center prior to counting)
UAD expires 6.30.15
I was going to go running but then I got all nostalgic for sitting.
NEW AUBURN SOCIAL CLUB
7 SECOND ST. AUBURN • 782-9039
Join Us For Our Beach Party!
Sat. June 6 th • 8-12pm
Drink Specials & Tons of Give-a-ways
Sports Banquet/Member Appreciation
Sat. July 11 th
FREE Hotdogs & Hamburgers • $1 can beer
Dunk Tank for Favorite Officers • Band 4-8pm
DJ Inside 8-12pm
* Notice to All Members* - New Key Entry System
Stop in to Get Your New Key Card Today!
M&M’s need better quality control. I found 12 W’s in my last bag.
Out ’n About at the
Touch A Truck Event
with the United Way
Michael Barriault,
Central Distributors,
Maggie Barriault &
Joleen Bedard,
United Way of Androscoggin County
Victoria Stanton
YMCA
Drew Lupardo
YMCA
Kevin Bellefleur
YMCA
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
JUNE 2015 UncleAndys.com 45

Out ’n About at the
Touch A Truck Event
with the United Way
Why do mirrors look like eyes really close up?
Any Make... Any Model... Any Problem...
NO PROBLEM!
• Appointments required
• Fully warranteed & certified
• $60/hr labor rate
Brad’s Precision Auto
144 Riverside Dr., Auburn
We
love power
tools!
333-0364
Brad’s mechanics: (front) Dan & Mallory
(back) Marek, Eli & John
We’re
Hiring!
Express Employment Professionals (Staffing Agency) is recruiting for:
Crew from City of
Auburn Water & Sewer
in Auburn
& Turner
50¢ increases
every 30 days for
first 90 days*
Your mind needs exercise
just as much as
your body does: that's
why I think of jogging
everyday.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
46
Starting Over
Submitted by Jimbo
The mother of three
notoriously unruly
youngsters was asked
whether or not she'd
have children if she
had to do over again.
"Sure," she replied,
"but not the same
ones."
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
u Management Opportunities u
Call Express for an interview at 207-761-9933
Affordable Dental Excellence!
New Patient Special Includes: Cleaning, Exam, & Xrays $
88 .00
Crown Special!
Only $
895 .00*
*Need to meet requirements
*Effective June 1 – August 31, 2015
* Some exclusions Apply
Call Today to Book Your Appointment!
488 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 783-8800 • www.androscoggindentalgroup.com
A Toast – "Here's to bread, because without bread there'd be no toast."

Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.
Office Cleaning Bucket List
Complete Office Cleaning & Home Cleaning
Move-ins • Move-outs • Construction Clean-up
Out ’n About at
LadyPalooza
4 Call Chrissy TODAY!
Locally Owned & Operated • Satisfaction Guaranteed
FREE Estimates • Reasonable Rates
Call Chrissy TODAY!
chrissysdownhomecleaning@gmail.com
CHRISSY’S DOWN HOME CLEANING • 207-754-4266
Sponsor
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise,' I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
Angel Wright
Younique
Daija Lindsay
I never intended for this can of Febreeze to be my cologne.
Come see us
at our NEW
Location!
We’re now at
61 Mill Street in
New Auburn
(in the old Pontbriand
Hardware building)
61 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-6927 or 1-800-834-5706
Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 • MySelco.com
Walk-ins
Welcome
740-6316
$
10 CUTS
184 Turner St. Auburn
(Next to Coastal T-shirts)
hwilliamsbarber.com
Hours: Tue. Wed. Fri. 8-4
Thurs. 8-5 • Sat. 8-12
You can fit 23 potatoes in a kangaroos pouch, and also I’m not allowed
at the zoo anymore.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
JUNE 2015 UncleAndys.com 47

Out ’n About at
LadyPalooza
I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
Memarie Christoforo
Barefoot Books
Nicole Gagnon
Scentsy
Rachel Larrivee
Massage Therapy
There's a huge difference
between the
person who sets my
alarm and the person
it wakes up.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
48
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
It takes a big man to admit he's a giant.

Kritzer joins
Perfect Image
Salon & Spa
People date for 2 years & then decide to get married, I'm over here like I still don't know
what flavor of hummus I prefer.
Jennifer Kritzer
Perfect Image Salon
and Spa, located in the
Harvard Mini Mall at 336
Center Street in Auburn
welcomes their newest
team member.
Jennifer Kritzer, is an
enthusiastic Sylist that
has over 10 years experience
in the beauty industry,
as well as holds her
Instructor's license. She
prides herself on her professionalism,
knowledge,
and her ability to listen to
her clients' desires.
Jennifer's skill level is
multi-faceted, she carries
a passion for color and
hair design, as well as
military cuts, nail services,
and body waxing.
Her clients love and appreciate
her talent and
her outgoing personality.
You can book an appointment
with Jennifer
by calling 777-1611. Find
them on Facebook and
see their ad on page 44.
What do you need
when you're
dehydrated?
A thirst aid kit!
Here, let me show you
how to micromanage.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
50
JUNE 2015
...with
Jimbo
783-7039
If a turtle was able to take a picture of himself, would that be a shellfie?

Someone should tell scientists they don't need to keeping finding reasons for us to drink
a glass of wine at night.
Just Darn Good Deals
Out ’n About at
LadyPalooza
SAVE $ 7.00
2 Large Pizzas PLUS 2-Liter Soda
Only $ 17 .99
✃Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)
Corner
Variety
Fresh Dough Pizza • Italians • Subs • Daily Specials
207 Lincoln St, Lewiston • 782-9596
Regular Pizza with Drink
ONLY $
5.50
Everyday Special - see ✃
our daily specials page 43
Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)
Luiggi’s Pizzeria
63 Sabattus St, Lewiston • 782-0701
LuiggisPizzeria.com
FREE DESSERT
✃
Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 4.30.15 (UAD)
40 East Ave. Lewiston • 795-6888
Sea40me.com
$
5 OFF 2 LARGE
PIZZAS!
2 Large 1-topping pizzas $15.99 (Reg. $20.99)
Limit one per customer per visit.
Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)
✃
Sabattus
Main Street Market
2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502
on all
5¢ returns
✃6 ¢ (must present coupon at
Redemption Center prior to counting)
Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)
DAD’S PLACEREDEMPTION
23 Pleasant St. McFalls • 345-5551
FREE WEEK OF CHILDCARE! *
Plus free registration ($25 value)
*Sign up for 4 consecutive weeks of childcare
Early
Learning
Center
301 Sawyer Rd, Greene • 946-KIDS
✃
and your 5th week is free.
Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)
Tammy Sharma
& Kavita Nason
(LadyPalooza Organizer)
Kim Richards-Jones
Tupperware
Thank you
so much, Kavita,
for your gracious
donation from this
event to the Tree
Street Youth!
Get 10% OFF
Darn Good Deal ad.
ONLY $
5.00
✃
207-783-7039
Expires 6.30.15 (UAD)
Dad’s Place
23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls
345-5551 • DadsPlace.info
✃
Julia Sleeper
Tree Street Youth
Why do we pay to get to the top of tall buildings, then pay to use binoculars to look at
things on the ground?
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
JUNE 2015 UncleAndys.com 51

If you'd like to learn how to spin like Spider-Man make sure to sign up
for his new webinar.
Before
After
Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pm
Fri. by appointment
Get Dad a
Gift Certificate for
Father’s Day!
Selling Your Vehicle?
A clean car makes for a better
first impression!
Come see us & we’ll help you get MORE
for your vehicle!
Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.
Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit
with results that you will be proud to show off.
Visit us at our state of the art office at:
730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza
783-1351
Same Day Emergency Care
We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider
LIQUID SUNSHINE
CAR WASH & DETAIL
865 Sabattus Street Lewiston • 333-3004
Hours: Mon- Fri 8:30am - 5:00pm • Sat 8:30am - 4:00pm
auburnplazafamilydentistry.com
UncleAndysDigest.com