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important to the INTJ's date. Perhaps the INTJ's partner spent significant time and money
achieving that look, and is hoping for the INTJ's praise. Giving compliments may not come
naturally at first, but it is a skill that can be learned.
Gift Giving
Since Rationals have the lowest interest in gifts of all temperaments, and since they also dislike
sentimental gifts while other temperaments love them, 120 it behooves INTJs to put some extra effort
into gift-giving. Remember the Principle of Misplaced Empathy and avoid the trap of getting your
loved one what you think you would like if you were them.
The INTJ's partner may feel bad about getting their girlfriend or boyfriend a "soulless" present like
a gift card. To relieve these feelings, the partner can tape the gift card to something more
meaningful, like a book. Rationals also like big, spendy gifts, so it might be worth it to forgo
several lesser gifts and save up for one high impact gift. For SPs, this will come naturally; for SJs,
not so much.
One quick note on Valentine's Day. It is often noted that ESFJs are the type that seems to get the
most enjoyment out of celebrating the holidays—putting up decorations, cooking a feast, inviting
friends and family over, trimming the tree, and carrying out all the family traditions.
What is usually neglected, however, is the fact that INTPs—the reverse of ESFJs—are probably the
type least inclined to celebrate the holidays. One might be tempted to attribute this to the relatively
higher percentage of agnostics and atheists in the INTP population, 121 but no, INTPs of faith also
neglect holiday traditions—it is a type thing. And it is likely that their cousins the INTJs share this
apathy. I would guess that INTJs are the type second least interested in celebrating holidays.
INTJs are lethargic about decorating, uninterested in preparing a feast, and not keen on crowded
gatherings. An INTJ office will probably not have any seasonal decorations up; the INTJ doesn’t
even own any, and putting them up and taking them down would be too much trouble. The same
goes for the holiday trappings of the house. It isn’t that INTJs hate Christmas or don’t enjoy the
holidays, but the things that go into celebration tend to require opposite interests than the ones they
are gifted with. INTJs would rather rather appreciate the holiday creations of others than make such
creations themselves. INTJs tend to have relatively low “holiday spirit.”
Which is all to say that when it comes to Valentine's day, INTJs will play along, but not with the
expected enthusiasm. They just don’t see what’s so special about one day over another.
INTJ Marriage, Remarriage, and Divorce
One study of introverted veterans in treatment for PTSD examined many issues dealing with
marriage. 122 Unfortunately, there were only eight INTJs in the study, so I offer this data not so much
because it does a good job of representing the traits of all INTJs but because it calls into question
the stereotypes that supposedly represent the traits of all INTJs.
The survey found that INTJs were neither more or less likely than other introverted types to never
have married; neither more or less likely than other introverted types to have domestic trouble;
neither more or less likely than other introverts to be remarried; and they were married for an
average length of time. In short, they were pretty much average in every respect. Compare this to
the 21 INTPs in the study, who were more likely to get married than average, more likely to get
120 Parent, n.d.
121 Myers, McCaulley, Quenk & Hammer, 1998
122 Otis & Louks, 1997