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evening in this way! I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of
anything than of a book! When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent
library."
To an INTJ, repeatedly interrupting a person when they are trying to read is practically a capital
offense. And so is putting up a false pretense for the sake of manipulating the INTJ.
Elizabeth understood all too well that Darcy didn't like to be connivingly gushed over or bothered
with continual chatter. In fact, before she fell in love with him, she used her knowledge of the latter
fact against him:
They stood [dancing] for some time without speaking a word; and she began to imagine that their silence
was to last through the two dances, and at first was resolved not to break it; till suddenly fancying that it
would be the greater punishment to her partner to oblige him to talk, she made some slight observation on
the dance. He replied, and was again silent. After a pause of some minutes, she addressed him a second
time with:—"It is your turn to say something now, Mr. Darcy. I talked about the dance, and you ought to
make some sort of remark on the size of the room, or the number of couples."
So if you want to annoy an INTJ, now you know how.
It should be noted that INTs (and probably all Rationals) do not forget other people's behavior;
everything that a person says and does goes on their permanent record. As Darcy observed, "I
cannot forget the follies and vices of others so soon as I ought, nor their offenses against myself.
My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be
called resentful. My good opinion once lost, is lost forever." Other types tend to believe that their
behavior will be forgiven and forgotten; INTJs will forgive, but not forget. Another INTJ, who we
will meet in the next chapter, showed the same trait: "St. John was not a man to be lightly refused:
you felt that every impression made on him, either for pain or pleasure, was deep-graved and
permanent."
When courting an INTJ, be aware that your behavior is noted and remembered.
Compliments
When courting an INTJ, one mistake is to focus on how much you admire the INTJ’s attractive
physical form, clothes or hair. INTJs are probably the Judging type that least cares about dressing
properly, and as for the biological shell the INTJ's mind inhabits, its appearance is genetically
determined and the INTJ has difficulty understanding why they deserve compliments for something
they have no control over. Such “compliments” can even make them feel uncomfortable, and the
INTJ may begin to suspect your motivations. It is far better to compliment an INTJ on their mind,
their wit, the elegance of their project's design, their sense of humor, etc. These are things that
INTJs value about themselves, and they will appreciate acknowledgment for them.
INTJs often have trouble figuring out how to respond to a compliment gracefully. This is partially
because they are highly critical of themselves, and therefore it is hard for them to accept others'
positive words without a certain skepticism. But even if they realize the compliment was sincere,
they may find themselves embarrassed and tongue-tied as they try to thank the other person. One
way to avoid forcing an INTJ to respond to a compliment is to objectively mention a good quality
that the INTJ exhibits to a third party while the INTJ is present. The INTJ is most pleased by
compliments that seem to be unbiased—and therefore more trustworthy. And if the INTJ respects
the person who gave the compliment, it's +10!
Since INTJs are less interested in compliments than most other types, they may make the mistake of
not appreciating and admiring their prospective mate’s body, clothing, hair, etc. While elaborate
preparations and a beautiful phenotype may not be important to the INTJ, it could be quite