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evening in this way! I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of<br />
anything than of a book! When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent<br />
library."<br />
To an INTJ, repeatedly interrupting a person when they are trying to read is practically a capital<br />
offense. And so is putting up a false pretense for the sake of manipulating the INTJ.<br />
Elizabeth understood all too well that Darcy didn't like to be connivingly gushed over or bothered<br />
with continual chatter. In fact, before she fell in love with him, she used her knowledge of the latter<br />
fact against him:<br />
They stood [dancing] for some time without speaking a word; and she began to imagine that their silence<br />
was to last through the two dances, and at first was resolved not to break it; till suddenly fancying that it<br />
would be the greater punishment to her partner to oblige him to talk, she made some slight observation on<br />
the dance. He replied, and was again silent. After a pause of some minutes, she addressed him a second<br />
time with:—"It is your turn to say something now, Mr. Darcy. I talked about the dance, and you ought to<br />
make some sort of remark on the size of the room, or the number of couples."<br />
So if you want to annoy an INTJ, now you know how.<br />
It should be noted that INTs (and probably all Rationals) do not forget other people's behavior;<br />
everything that a person says and does goes on their permanent record. As Darcy observed, "I<br />
cannot forget the follies and vices of others so soon as I ought, nor their offenses against myself.<br />
My feelings are not puffed about with every attempt to move them. My temper would perhaps be<br />
called resentful. My good opinion once lost, is lost forever." Other types tend to believe that their<br />
behavior will be forgiven and forgotten; INTJs will forgive, but not forget. Another INTJ, who we<br />
will meet in the next chapter, showed the same trait: "St. John was not a man to be lightly refused:<br />
you felt that every impression made on him, either for pain or pleasure, was deep-graved and<br />
permanent."<br />
When courting an INTJ, be aware that your behavior is noted and remembered.<br />
Compliments<br />
When courting an INTJ, one mistake is to focus on how much you admire the INTJ’s attractive<br />
physical form, clothes or hair. INTJs are probably the Judging type that least cares about dressing<br />
properly, and as for the biological shell the INTJ's mind inhabits, its appearance is genetically<br />
determined and the INTJ has difficulty understanding why they deserve compliments for something<br />
they have no control over. Such “compliments” can even make them feel uncomfortable, and the<br />
INTJ may begin to suspect your motivations. It is far better to compliment an INTJ on their mind,<br />
their wit, the elegance of their project's design, their sense of humor, etc. These are things that<br />
INTJs value about themselves, and they will appreciate acknowledgment for them.<br />
INTJs often have trouble figuring out how to respond to a compliment gracefully. This is partially<br />
because they are highly critical of themselves, and therefore it is hard for them to accept others'<br />
positive words without a certain skepticism. But even if they realize the compliment was sincere,<br />
they may find themselves embarrassed and tongue-tied as they try to thank the other person. One<br />
way to avoid forcing an INTJ to respond to a compliment is to objectively mention a good quality<br />
that the INTJ exhibits to a third party while the INTJ is present. The INTJ is most pleased by<br />
compliments that seem to be unbiased—and therefore more trustworthy. And if the INTJ respects<br />
the person who gave the compliment, it's +10!<br />
Since INTJs are less interested in compliments than most other types, they may make the mistake of<br />
not appreciating and admiring their prospective mate’s body, clothing, hair, etc. While elaborate<br />
preparations and a beautiful phenotype may not be important to the INTJ, it could be quite