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Issues<br />
INTJs are more likely than average to stumble in the area of “talking about feelings,” a favorite NF<br />
pastime. NFs want their spouse to be emotionally open with them, and this may be something that<br />
INTJs have to learn. To the NF, it can feel like the INTJ is keeping them at a distance or doesn't<br />
really trust them. Since NFs prize intimacy above all else, this can be problematic. And if the NF<br />
can't tell what the INTJ is feeling, they may assume the worse.<br />
NFs can sometimes get an INTJ to talk about their feelings by avoiding the question "How do you<br />
feel?" and instead speculating aloud about what the INTJ is feeling. They may guess wrong, but if<br />
so, the INTJ will feel impelled to correct the mistake, which accomplishes the goal of sharing<br />
feelings anyway. However, INTJs can sometimes feel stifled by the need to "seem emotional" too<br />
often; at this point the situation is probably turning into a Pygmalion project. Subtlety is the INTJ's<br />
native language, and while they can learn to speak a second language, it will never be quite as<br />
natural or easy as their own tongue.<br />
There is also the fact that NFs (particularly ENFs) are constantly checking the pulse of the<br />
relationship. One way this can be seen is in the NF attitude towards compliments, affirmations, I-<br />
love-you's, etc. From the NFs' perspective, a word of love is like a cut rose placed in a vase; it lasts<br />
for a week, then withers. For the INTJ, a word of love is like a jewel that will sparkle forever. The<br />
NFs want to keep the flowers continually fresh, while to the INTJ it seems like the sentiment is just<br />
as true as it ever was. For NFs, this point of view is mind boggling.<br />
One final note is that NFs take arguments, insensitivity and criticism harder than the other<br />
temperaments. Since INTJs are so well-endowed in these areas, they will need to remember to<br />
accommodate the needs of their partner here.<br />
Gifts<br />
NFs enjoy gifts that are symbolic or meaningful. Thoughtful gifts that show you noticed something<br />
special about them are particularly appreciated. The most preferred NF present of all is also the<br />
most personal present of all: the handmade gift (read here). 87 Idealists feel that this gift particularly<br />
demonstrates the giver's feelings for them. They also enjoy gifts that are entertaining. NFs have<br />
low interest for gifts that are merely useful; it would be better to buy your NF mate a good book or<br />
ticket to their favorite band rather than a new spice rack. Idealists like giving and receiving presents<br />
more than Rationals—specifically, they really like "sentimental" presents, whereas Rationals do not.<br />
Rationals beware: Idealists are the temperament that least likes tearing open the wrapping paper and<br />
finding a shiny new gadget within.<br />
Most Important Values<br />
Tieger and Barron-Tieger (2000) had each type list the characteristics in a partner that were most<br />
important to them. Some characteristics were universal; others were specific to temperament or<br />
type. A summary of the top seven characteristics that were most important to NFs is listed below.<br />
The number in [ ] brackets indicates the ranking that INTJs gave the trait in question.<br />
• Mutual commitment All NFs chose this [3]<br />
• Being listened to All NFs chose this [5]<br />
87 Parent, n.d.
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