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4. Similar parenting styles<br />
5. Spending time together<br />
6. Spiritual connection<br />
INTJ/Idealist – “The Soulmate” 83<br />
What do NFs want in a relationship? Above all, they want to develop a deep, intimate connection<br />
with their partner. 84 This is the unique and distinguishing feature of NFs in a relationship: they all<br />
place a high value on intimacy. One expression of this is the NF tendency to hug, touch, and<br />
snuggle. They also like to hear frequent spoken or written words of appreciation and love. (This<br />
particularly applies for EFs.)<br />
One of the things that draws INTJs and NFs together is a mutual fascination with intuitive<br />
conversation. Both parties are surprised to find that the other is easy to talk to; under normal<br />
circumstances, the NF and NF were required hold back the true extent of their ideas because other<br />
people dozed off midway through the second sentence. To be allowed to fully share one's thoughts<br />
is a rare treat. The unique point of view offered by each side keeps the conversation interesting.<br />
The INTJ is excited to find someone who can keep up with them in a conversation and grows to<br />
appreciate the NF's unique intelligence. They are surprised to discover a person who is complex,<br />
authentic and caring. The NF is fascinated by the INTJ's original mind.<br />
NFs often express appreciation for how cool, calm and objective INTJs are, a comforting rock that<br />
provides stability, strength and perspective during times of emotional stress. Idealists also admire<br />
the strong principles and independent spirit of INTJs. The ENFPs, with their unique liking for<br />
"humor" in a relationship, appreciate the INTJ's clever wit and subtle sarcasm. The INFJs, with<br />
their particular emphasis on "companionship," enjoy how INTJs will spend quiet time with them,<br />
i.e. sitting on the couch, reading and snuggling.<br />
INTJs enjoy the warmth and sincere empathy that NFs bring to a relationship; they are struck by the<br />
NF's interest in helping others. It will also come as a new experience to meet someone who really<br />
thinks about philosophical questions, history, religion, books, etc. Both parties are pleased to have<br />
someone who is genuinely interested in their unconventional ideas.<br />
The Idealists are very much into arts and culture; they enjoy the theater, art museums, writing, etc. 85<br />
Since INTJs have many similar interests, this can be a point of shared interest. INFs also tend to be<br />
fans of pop culture (for example, Star Trek), 86 which is a trait shared by INTJs. The ENFs can open<br />
up a whole new world of social events and fun to an INTJ. The INTJ will probably begin finding<br />
themselves outside the house more often (and enjoying it!), though they will never completely give<br />
up their love for solitude.<br />
INTJs can learn new social skills from observing their mate. NFs, for their part, can be surprised<br />
and grateful at the objective analyses that INTJs can bring to situations that they had only assessed<br />
through the lens of relationships.<br />
83 Keirsey, 1998<br />
84 Keirsey, 1998; Tieger & Barron-Tieger, 2000<br />
85 Myers, McCaulley, Quenk & Hammer, 1998<br />
86 Stever, 1995
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