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types, but that doesn't mean they should have to.<br />
In the excellent book Survival Games Personalities Play, Delunas (1992) describes several case<br />
studies in which INTs found themselves unable to make friends or approach the opposite sex. In<br />
each case, the problem was not that her clients were in fact unlikeable people, but rather that they<br />
lacked the social skills to convey themselves to others. Delunas found that once the clients' social<br />
skills had been addressed, they saw swift improvement in their relationships. She further observed<br />
that introverted Rationals tend to have the worst social skills of all types. Here are some of the<br />
prescriptions she recommended for her Rational clients.<br />
• Smile three times per day at people of your choice. Smiling probably works to reduce the<br />
perception others seem to have that the INTJ is "keeping people at a distance."<br />
• Compliment others when an opening presents itself. You can bet this technique won't come<br />
naturally to a Rational, but it can be improved with practice.<br />
• Offer "free information" about yourself, i.e. information not required to perform a task. I<br />
met an army interrogator once who described a game where the goal was to get the other<br />
person to talk as much about themselves as possible without volunteering any facts about<br />
yourself. For many INTs, this is a way of life. Even when queried for personal information,<br />
they tend to give minimal answers. Alas, monosyllabic responses don't give your<br />
conversation partner anything to work with, and so the conversation dies in awkward<br />
silence. By giving and soliciting free information, a conversation can be kept running.<br />
• Read the book When I Say No, I Feel Guilty and start practicing the conversational<br />
techniques in the Communication chapter, i.e. asking open-ended questions, giving and<br />
receiving free information, etc. I assumed this book would be primarily about saying no<br />
(not something Rationals typically have a problem with) but in fact the book also covers<br />
topics of interest for those of us who have trouble conversing at length with other people.<br />
When I Say No, I Feel Guilty costs one penny, used, on Amazon.<br />
Although not a technique mentioned in Delunas' book, I feel I should also mention another valuable<br />
resource produced by Robin Dreeke (ENTJ) who formerly had social problems because he tended<br />
to unintentionally trample upon other people's feelings in a critical, judgmental ENTJ way. Slowly<br />
he worked out what he was doing wrong and improved his interaction skills. Eventually he ended<br />
up running the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Program, where his skills in this area were honed to a fine<br />
point. Being a Rational, he naturally codified his observations into a set of "natural laws" for<br />
successful social interaction.<br />
Essentially, Dreeke's techniques are a crash course in how to present yourself as a nice and friendly<br />
individual to strangers you wish to befriend or influence. Rather than summarizing up his<br />
techniques, I'll simply point you to a few five minute YouTube videos:<br />
1. How to Talk to Strangers: Part 1<br />
2. How to Talk to Strangers: Part 2<br />
3. Dopamine and Validation<br />
4. Influence vs. Manipulation<br />
You can also get his book here for a reasonable price. I found Dreeke's straightforward approach<br />
and scientific emphasis appealing. You may find that you get a little more than you bargained for<br />
though: total strangers can be surprising garrulous when you encourage them in this fashion.<br />
Needless to say, this can be an effective ice breaker.
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