o_19kdfsn0q18e31dfraas1esh19vta.pdf

standard test. The researchers purposely made the problems on this test difficult.
After taking the second test, the children were told that they had done poorly and gotten no more
than 50% of the answers right. The two groups were asked how well they thought they had done;
how much they would like to be given more of the same sorts of problems to take home; how much
fun they thought the problems were, and how much they liked working on the problems. Then they
were given a third test and again asked to tell how well they thought they had done, etc.
92% of the children who were initially praised for their hard work indicated that they would like the
risky choice, “Problems that I'll learn a lot from, even if I won't look so smart.” By contrast, 67%
of the children who were praised for intelligence wanted the safe problems that were easy so that
they would look smart.
As we would expect, children in the group praised for effort tended to attribute their failure in the
second set of problems to not trying hard enough, while children in the group praised for
intelligence tended to think that they lacked ability. In addition, the children praised for intelligence
were less likely to want to take more problems home; enjoyed the task less; and even got lower
grades on the third test than the children praised for effort.
Now consider the fact that many INTJs have been praised for their intelligence all their lives.
Yikes.
Conflict with Parents
A parent trying to lay down the law to an INTJ youngster soon discovers that their child has an
instinctive understanding of the principle that for every action, there must be an equal and opposite
reaction. INTJs are one of the most rule conscious types, yet INTJ children are more likely than
most to ignore arbitrary commands. When it is obvious that the rules are being created on the fly in
response to their own behavior, the child perceives that the rules represent a human's whim rather
than an expression of abstract justice. Like all Rational children, INTJs will listen to logic (Keirsey,
1998), but the reverse is also true--they will not listen to illogic. This may annoy nonNT parents
who justify their commands on the basis of social conformity, unquestioning obedience, and
emotional appeals.
There is nothing more absurd and insulting to an INTJ than to be told, "Because I said so." or "I
gave birth to you, so do what I say." Unreasoning obedience to illogical commands is not an INTJ's
strong suit. This will result in the INTJ losing respect for the authority figure in question. And
Rationals are already skeptical of authorities and experts. Authority must prove its merit before it
will be heeded, but if it fails once, the failure will never be forgotten.
Even if an INTJ does obey, the illogic of it will torment them. Punishment does not produce respect
in this type. No amount of brute force can change the fact that 1 + 3 = 5 is wrong; in the same way,
no amount of punishment can change the fact that an illogical rule is still wrong. "I'm being
punished, but you're still wrong. It's just that now you're also unfair and oppressive." INTJs cannot
be coerced, shamed, or nagged into doing something that they don't want to do.
A second factor is that INTJs are one of the most argumentative types, 236 and also headstrong and
uncompromising in their opinions. They have more stamina than their parents and can argue and
negotiate until their parents are exhausted. (Many a parent has learned the hard way that, "Wood
will conform to iron, but iron will not conform to wood.") INTJs are good at saying no. In fact,
INTJ teens are not so much likely to throw a tantrum as to utterly refuse a demand, no matter what
236 Loffredo & Opt, 2006