o_19kdfsn0q18e31dfraas1esh19vta.pdf

spanking to be violating.
A better solution is to explain reasonably and logically why it is not good to a.) Speak the truth in an
unkind manner and b.) Mention others’ faults, even when true.
To give you an idea of the substance of such an explanation, I have included the following
exhortations from a stern NT father of the 1800s to his NT child, Karl. (Karl happens to be a
genius, but I think the lecture is still valid.) Note that the father bases his appeal primarily on the
Rational virtues of logic, fairness, competence, and skepticism (and talks to Karl like a little adult).
I trust the reader will forgive the 1800s flavor of this account and extract what is still useful in the
2000s.
[The child’s] opinion should never be lied away, in so far as it is right. I will only grant this much, that it may be
somewhat softened, with the use of greatest caution, so that its rough edges shall be polished off.
If Karl, as a child, passed in society a correct but too abrupt or harsh a judgment, I let it stand, but said to the persons
present, in half jest, “You see, he is a village boy! You must not take it ill of him!”
Karl soon came to understand that he had in such cases uttered a correct but improper statement, and he was sure,
when we were alone, to ask me the “Why” of it. Then I had a good opportunity to show him the pros and cons of
the case, and to get him used to better manners, without narrowing his intellect or doing his heart any injury. Above
all I tried, whenever possible, to refer it to a higher morality and to true piety. In such a case I would calmly say:
“Your judgment was strictly correct, but though I must acknowledge this, it was not good or kind of you to utter it.
You should hardly have spoken it in the presence of your parents, and never in the presence of others. Did you
observe how embarrassed Mr. N. was? He could not, or would not, contradict, perhaps from love and respect for us,
but he was much hurt to have a child tell him something unpleasant. If he is out of sorts to-day or others make fun
of him, you are to be blamed for it!”
Karl was certainly moved by this deeply, and was truly sorry for having pained him. But let us suppose Karl did not
see his mistake and, instead, answered, “But he was friendly with me all the time,” I should then have replied,
“Perhaps from pity for you, because my word, ‘He is a village boy,’ showed him the real state of affairs. You have
certainly not gained respect, love, and gratitude for yourself by your embarrassing judgment. You do not seem to
have noticed that the persons present anxiously watched, now you, now me, now him, and the conversation would
have halted, if I had not turned it to something else that attracted them vividly.”
I again assume the truly unthinkable case that Karl was still not ashamed, but would have answered, “But it was
true!” I would have corrected him more earnestly:
“Are you sure about that? It may very well be that you are mistaken. How if he had answered, ‘A reason with
which you are not acquainted compelled me to act that way.’ How then? Or if he had said to you, ‘Are you my
judge? You, a little, unreasoning child?’ Even if it was true, unconditionally true, his statement being wrong,--
which I, however, still doubt,--ought you not have kept silence from consideration for him? Did you not observe
that we were all silent? Or are you so simple as to believe that you alone noticed the mistake in his actions?
“Tell me, my child, how would you like it, if he, and a hundred others, should take you up for your oversights,
weaknesses, carelessness, blunders, and so forth, and should even lay them before the eyes of strangers? And that
would be a mere trifle, for it would be a grown man who would reprove a child, which would be perfectly proper
and unquestionably right. The child would not be harmed by such a reproof, for from an unreasoning being like you
people expect a lot of things which are not just right, and they pass over them lightly, or pardon them altogether.
“Or do you imagine that other people do not observe your mistakes? You are wrong there! Out of kindness toward
you, or, perhaps, toward others as well, they pass over them in silence and do not embarrass you by mentioning
them to you. But several of my friends, who love you sincerely, have often told me or your mother of incidents
which do you no honor. They did not tell about them to any one else, and they told them to us only because they