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a little version of their own type, because this is what would make the parent happy if they were in<br />
their child's position. It's not necessarily a Pygmalion project so much as a misguided attempt at<br />
empathy.)<br />
It helps if the INTJ's spouse can contribute to the affirmation pool; if not, the INTJ will just have to<br />
do their best to find a middle ground between EF and IT. Giving praise is a skill that can be<br />
learned; after awhile, it becomes natural and accustomed. It's also a good life skill for an NT to<br />
learn. Kids can be a great opportunity for personal growth.<br />
And there's one more point that deserves to be driven home—INTJ parents love their children just<br />
as much as other types do. They may not express those emotions as loudly or frequently, but they<br />
feel the same things inside.<br />
Introversion<br />
As introverts, INTJ parents make good listeners. Of course, sometimes they have to listen to a<br />
childhood version of small talk. Their eyes may glaze over as they listen to a long-running, highly<br />
detailed narrative of their child's day and what they did with their friends. Still, by and large INTJs<br />
have learned to put up with small talk, and will listen anyway.<br />
INTJ parents are introverts and can be exhausted by their children's noise and need for attention.<br />
They can find themselves plotting ways to squeeze in alone time so that they can recharge. A<br />
couple popular options are:<br />
• Naptime<br />
• Outdoor chores<br />
• Electronic babysitter: TV, computer<br />
• Train children to leave parents alone for certain periods of time<br />
• Daily, mandatory in-your-room time for kids<br />
• Hide in private study or bedroom<br />
• Let spouse handle child's social events<br />
For a long time, Bowditch had no private study. As a result, he studied in the family parlour, aka<br />
the living room. He seems to have been good at tuning out the clamor and reading:<br />
At home, he had no private room for many years; and, as his family of young children grew up around<br />
him, he studied at his simple pine desk, in the midst of their noise and play. He was never disturbed,<br />
except when they failed in kindness to one another, and then he could never continue to study until quiet<br />
was restored.<br />
Here's a problem for you—is it better to have just one child, but be forced to provide all the<br />
entertainment for them, or is it better to have two children who can entertain each other but will<br />
make twice as much noise?<br />
Conclusion<br />
Like all types, INTJs can be wonderful parents. Of course, there's always room for improvement.<br />
If you want to learn more about type and parenting in general, or about INTJ parenting specifically,<br />
I recommend the book Motherstyles by Janet Penley and Diane Eble.
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