o_19kdfsn0q18e31dfraas1esh19vta.pdf

appeared as he had ever done before. ... Most deeply, however, did Dr. Bowditch feel this loss; and
sometimes, particularly during his own last illness, he alluded to it with much sensibility. His
countenance, after her death, exhibited, more frequently than before, a degree of thoughtfulness
sometimes amounting almost to sadness. Indeed, he frequently stated to his children, though the
fact may not have been apparent to the public, or even to his friends, that though life had still many
charms for him, it had lost forever what he had always regarded as its brightest attraction."
Another account makes this even clearer:
In 1834, his wife died. His heart was borne down by the loss. She had been to him always a loving and a
tender companion; faithful and true, even to the minutest points. She had watched all his labors. She had
urged him onward in the pursuit of science, by telling him that she would find the means of meeting any
expense, by her own economy, in her care of the family. She had watched the progress of his greatest
work, which, with his dying hands, he afterwards dedicated to her memory. She had listened with delight
to all the praises that had come to him, from his own countrymen and foreign lands; and now, when he
was full of honor and yet active in business, she was called to leave him. With her, the real charm of his
life departed, and many sad hours would have been the consequence, if his sense of duty, and devotion to
study, had not prevented them. He devoted himself now more closely to active engagements. He always
spoke of his wife with extreme fondness, and sometimes his tears flowed afresh. There was a degree of
sadness, which was perceptible only to his family, however, that settled upon Dr. Bowditch during the last
four years of his life, in consequence of this deprivation.
INTJs have deep emotions; they just don't like showing them outside of their intimate circle. It is
also notable that Bowditch eased his pain with work. It is recorded that, "If he were sad or
disturbed, he sought quiet and cheerfulness in "'his peaceful mathematics.'"
Since we're on the topic of grieving, we might as well take a deeper look at the INTJ grief response.
Grief
Tagliaferre & Harbaugh (1990) studied the grieving responses of each type in response to the death
of a spouse. (If you're interested, their book is called Recovery from Loss.) They found the
following:
• Introverts – When introverts experience a loss, they are not as attracted to support groups
as their extraverted kin. Rather, they seek out books or websites dealing with the subject of
grief or the cause by which their spouse died. If they do share their pain with others, they
prefer to do so only with their most intimate companions. Bowditch, for example, preferred
to suffer alone when dealing with his own physical ailment, stomach cancer. It was a
horrible disease: "Death by starvation was in prospect. ... He became emaciated to a degree
of which even his consulting physician, with all his extensive practice, had never before
seen an instance." And: "On another occasion, when the torture he experienced was almost
beyond endurance, "Why was I born!" The thing to note here is that he didn't like to make
noise about it, and seemed best able to bear it in solitude: "Rarely was a complaint or
murmur extorted from him even by the most excruciating pain. One evening, as his eldest
sons were present, he said, 'Much as it usually gratifies me to see you, your presence now is
unwelcome. I am suffering so much, that I cannot enjoy the society of any one. You can do
nothing for my relief. I had rather you would go home.'" INTJs who are suffering for other
reasons, i.e. the death of a spouse, also find that misery does not love company.
• Intuitives – Intuitives may feel a connection with their spouse that continues beyond the
grave, perhaps softening the loss a bit. (However, this would probably be least helpful to
INTJs, given the type's bent toward atheism. Bowditch and his wife Mary were devout