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INTJs like reading and working on the computer a lot. Also, they are type which was least likely to<br />
rate the value of "home and family" as very important (though the majority still did). 167 One can see<br />
how these two factors might combine to make an nonINT spouse to feel neglected by his/her INTJ<br />
mate. But this was not an area in which Bowditch had trouble. He was described as being "...a<br />
husband never so much immersed in his studious researches, as to be forgetful of those little proofs<br />
of affection which first won and ever secured in return the affections of the wife..." Though, he did<br />
tell a story where the characteristic INTJ obliviousness to physical reality was revealed:<br />
"He [Bowditch]...said, "There is no friendship or connection so intimate as to justify a disregard of a<br />
constant endeavor to please;" and added that upon one occasion, when his wife had appeared in the<br />
library in a new dress, and he, happening to be engaged in his studies, had not noticed the circumstance,<br />
she seemed quite disappointed, and said to him, "I purchased this dress on purpose to please you, as being<br />
of your favorite color, and now you do not seem to care the least about it." He added, "I immediately left<br />
my books, told her that she must lay the blame not on me, but upon mathematics; that the dress suited my<br />
taste exactly; and thus succeeded in restoring her cheerful looks. And ever afterwards," said he, "through<br />
life, I endeavored, whenever she came into my presence, not to omit to express towards her, outwardly,<br />
something of that pleasure which I always really felt."<br />
His wife did right in correcting him in a non-subtle manner; looks and sighs can slip by an INTJ.<br />
Bowditch also did the correct thing in learning from this experience and taking the opportunity to<br />
build his marital skills. INTJs can improve their relationships, and it is a very good practice to<br />
express outwardly the pleasure which they feel inside. In fact, Kroeger & Thuesen (1994) in their<br />
book 16 Ways to Love Your Lover, gave the INTJs the motto, "Any relationship can be improved."<br />
One final note on Mary is that she made it possible for Bowditch to do his translation of Mécanique<br />
Celeste. He indicated his gratitude in the dedication he wrote to her: "This translation and<br />
commentary are dedicated, by the author, to the memory of his wife, Mary Bowditch; who devoted<br />
herself to her domestic avocations with great judgment, unceasing kindness, and a zeal which could<br />
not be surpassed; taking upon herself the whole care of her family, and thus procuring for him the<br />
leisure hours to prepare the work; and securing to him, by her prudent management, the means for<br />
its publication in its present form, which she fully approved; and without her approbation the work<br />
would not have been undertaken."<br />
A good spouse can do a lot for an INTJ.<br />
Bowditch handled Mary's death in much the same calm manner that he handled Elizabeth's death.<br />
In fact, he went back to work on the same day as the funeral. As his son explains it, "Dr Bowditch<br />
bore this heavy calamity as a Philosopher and a Christian. The early morning witnessed the funeral<br />
obsequies which he attended; and that forenoon saw the Actuary of the Life Insurance Company<br />
engaged in his usual routine of business..."<br />
INTJs have a remarkable ability to carry on calmly and hide their emotions. I think it is particularly<br />
important to note that Bowditch, an INTJ who had a reputation as having a "heart...as tender as his<br />
intellect was powerful" exhibited this behavior. When people observe impassive, cool INTJs<br />
behaving this way, they tend to see it as evidence of a cold-hearted, uncaring nature. But in fact,<br />
even the nicest INTJs will exhibits these behaviors. It is simply the way they are built: the Rational<br />
is a creature of mind and will; when they are in emotional pain, it does not affect their functionality<br />
as much as it would for other types who rely on healthy emotions for 90% of their daily activities.<br />
(Unfortunately, this can also lead to Rationals suffering for a long time without anyone perceiving<br />
it. Since the Rational is still "functional," they may not appear to need or want help.)<br />
But Bowditch was affected. The change was subtle, but there nonetheless. "To the stranger he<br />
167 Myers, McCaulley, Quenk & Hammer, 1998
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